trip to England an American and an Englishman struck up a conversation.
"Are you enjoying your stay?" asked the Englishman.
"Oh yes!" said the American. "I just made a visit to Chol-mon-de-ly castle."
"Sorry?" said the Englishman.
"Cholmondeley Castle," the American repeated...
saying to himself, 2+5 the son of ***** is 7,
3+6 the son of ***** is 9
His mother heared this & asked "what r u doing?"
Boy, "doing my maths' homework".
Mom: & this is how ur teacher taught u?
Infurriated mother called the teacher: R u teaching maths to children by...
and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the...
marriage. He takes her hand, thanks her for their years together but asks if she's ever been unfaithful.
She pauses and answers, yes, three times, but always for a good reason. "What could those reasons be," he asked with pain in his voice?
She replied "well, the first time...
A lazy man once went to the forest and furiously prayed.
"God? Oh God? Are you there?" the man called out loudly.
Suddenly, there was a flash lightning followed by loud thunder.
"Yes, my son, what do you want?" God replied.
"I hope you don't mind if i ask a few questions...
A thief and his accomplice entered a high-rise building and stole some jeweleries from an apartment. Suddenly, they heard police sirens.
Thief : Quick buddy! The police are coming! Jump out of the window!
Accomplice: But we're on the 13th floor!
Thief : You...
you got to compliment them, like boy your really fast runner, you nearly got away ,and of course we all know no means no but what does help mean ?..................it means the bloody gags come loose ..............
a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an...
dreams and decides to go for a drive and see what his new car can do. He's letting loose on the highway, when police lights and sirens turn on right behind him.
He looks at his speed and notices he's doing 100, so he presses on the gas increasing it to 110, presses a little...
and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ***, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole...
the wife asks me the other day, out of all my friends who do you think is the prettiest, men we know there is no right answer to this question. so im thinking in for penny, isays to her well diane is really pretty, but carol does that thingy with her tongue...
” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper. “Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we...
Me: with my parents.
Police: where does your parents live?
Me: with me.
Police: where do you all live?
Police: where is your house?
Me: next to my neighbors house.
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: tell me
decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."
The following day, she heard the...
for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The...
policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider...
and his partner were looking to relocate their business, so the businessman sent his partner to Texas in order to scope things out for a possible relocation site.
It so happened that a young well-dressed woman was walking down a street in Forth Worth when she unluckily slipped...
party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some...
drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
Well what if I didn't drink this beer? Those workers might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I said to myself, "It is...
Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week.
Another boy laughs..."
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for next 1 month."
The teacher bends to pick a chalk...
stuttering problem goes to see a speech therapist who is highly recommended by doctors.
"How may I help you?" asks the therapist.
The guy replies, "I-I-I have th-th-this sa-sa-sa-stuttering pa-pa-problem."
"So I see!" says the therapist. "I can help you with that, but I warn you...
His wife kept getting more and more suspicious, and finally spoke to her maid about it.
Wife: I have a suspicion that my husband might be having anaffair in his office.
Maid: Go on! You're only saying that to make me jealous.
between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money...
"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home...
. . .!
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy.
A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends
when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking that
the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attention...
and asks for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender exclaims "Wow, 12!" Then he swiftly asks, "What are you celebrating, stranger?"
The man replies, "I've just experienced my first blow job."
With an air of proudness, the bartender says, "That's brilliant. Let me get you another...
if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?”
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten...