drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
Well what if I didn't drink this beer? Those workers might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I said to myself, "It is...
Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.
One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'
His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.'
The third Englishman...
party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some...
when grave measures have to be taken, you call the man who knows all the angles.
This summer he will fix the problems you can't handle.
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in the much awaited sequel to ERASER.
after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused.
After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked, "How is she?"
The nurse replied, "Oh, she's quite dopey."
One of the friends said, "We...
He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" said the...
if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?”
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten...
between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money...
” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper. “Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we...
if we win the lottery i getting a nice big house in sunny place with big flash swimming pool and fancy kitchen and a new car..... second pause then the husband replies that funny cos if i win the lottery I'm getting a divorce before you can go spending it all
morning and one envelope had only a single sheet of paper with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!”
The following Sunday the priest announced, “I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their name. But this week I received a letter from...
every time I get off the train and Im trying to get out of the station and back up to the street, I end up getting stuck behind these really slow people on the stairs. It happens to me every time I take the subway. Its been happening to me for years. And my question is this: how...
and he's blindfolded in front off the firing squad and this mean angry looking general walks over to him. Right you do you have any last requests before you die? the man lifts his head and say yes can i please have a weeks head start
and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming.
"Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
"Where is he...
center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.
It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.
Rather than ask about this...
excuse me sure i doing a quiz survey If three falls in the wood and there no one around to hear do's the tree really fall the guy pause and thinks and say if i been screwing you wife and theres no one around to catch me has you wife been comittin
elevator. Suddenly a woman near them turned around and slapped that father in the face then stormed off at the next stop.
His daughter said, "It's okay Dad, I didn't like her either. She stepped on my foot so I pinched her."
for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The...
trip to England an American and an Englishman struck up a conversation.
"Are you enjoying your stay?" asked the Englishman.
"Oh yes!" said the American. "I just made a visit to Chol-mon-de-ly castle."
"Sorry?" said the Englishman.
"Cholmondeley Castle," the American repeated...
sanctuary. They moved their very
fine old pipe organ from to the new sanctuary. It was an intricate task that was completed successfully.
The local news heralded . . . "St. Paul Completes Organ
(Not sure if this is true :P )
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some
Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me...
His wife kept getting more and more suspicious, and finally spoke to her maid about it.
Wife: I have a suspicion that my husband might be having anaffair in his office.
Maid: Go on! You're only saying that to make me jealous.
for lunch, and noticed that the kitchen had a big window in front of it so that people can watch the chef prepare the food.
As she watched, the chef took a small ball of dough, put it under his armpit, and squeezed. Then he put the flattened dough on a cookie sheet and continued...
the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”
The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked.
“They’re people just like you – your equals.”
“Forget it,” retorted the defendant...
decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."
The following day, she heard the...
A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends
when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking that
the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attention...
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
3. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
4. "This employee is really not so much...
" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.
The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice...
Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them?
Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob asked John if he remembered what they had read in the book on wild animals.
“If you stand absolutely still and look the lion straight in...
a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an...
for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.
The barber replies with a solution and pulls a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer. "Place the wooden ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and you...
"A glass of your finest Less, please."
"Less? Never heard of it."
"C'mon, sure you have."
"No, really, we don't stock it. What is it? Some kind of foreign beer?"
"I'm not sure. It was my doctor who mentioned it. He said I should drink Less."
policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider...
habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a...
. . .!
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy.
A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
A lazy man once went to the forest and furiously prayed.
"God? Oh God? Are you there?" the man called out loudly.
Suddenly, there was a flash lightning followed by loud thunder.
"Yes, my son, what do you want?" God replied.
"I hope you don't mind if i ask a few questions...