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I Like Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 852 People

    Sid left the bar and was on the way home, filthy and smelling like a pig. He managed to board a bus and slumped next to a nun. Sid was quite a sight - his clothes were dirty and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Mirror An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldomsaw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party? Because the feathers were still on the chicken!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so...
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    A husband was having an affair. His wife kept getting more and more suspicious, and finally spoke to her maid about it. Wife: I have a suspicion that my husband might be having...
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    The Sexy Man - A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking...
    Tgilly Tgilly 51-55, F 13 Responses Apr 13, 2010

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    An old man finally gets the sports car of his dreams and decides to go for a drive and see what his new car can do. He's letting loose on the highway, when police lights and sirens...
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    Martin took his wife and mother-in-law on a pilgrimage to a holy land. The mother-in-law suddenly had a heart attack and died there. The undertaker told Martin that they can ship...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 1

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    Six year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're...
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    Loud Train A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 28

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    Teenage Daughters There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters... The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I...
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    My grandpa said to me, "I guess I am getting really old after all." I asked, "What happened'? Grandpa grumbled, "I went to Kaka's antique auction and four people bid on me!"
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    A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Stevie, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 22

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    A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 a.m. By then, he is extremely drunk. When he gets back to his house, he...
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    Pet Store A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well...
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    A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. 'You'll get your chance in court,' says the desk sergeant. 'No, no, no...
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    An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks." A British...
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    Wake up call A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Power Of God - A lazy man once went to the forest and furiously prayed. "God? Oh God? Are you there?" the man called out loudly. Suddenly, there was a flash lightning...
    Jnyl Jnyl 26-30, F 14 Responses Jul 13, 2013

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    A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 6

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    A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion you're not supposed...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 19

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    Two kids were deciding what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea," said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."
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    The Mop Threat Jerry got into a brawl with the class bully. The big bully, in a threatening tone, growled, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." Jerry, mustering enough...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 5

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    Daisy, a resident nurse at the City hospital, was not satisfied with her job, so she resigned. She was confident that she would easily find another job due to the high demand for...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 7

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    Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he...
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    Teacher: "Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of baseball" Jonah: Here's my paper Teacher: Jonah, you spent only one minute writing your essay Lets...
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    Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the...
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    An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills...
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    Presented before you are two letters between an employee and his boss. The Employee: Dear Bo$$, A$ all of u$ have red from the new$paper$, the $ingapore economy ha$ come out of...
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    Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The...
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    Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He...
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    This young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their young son what they were having. "Goat," the...
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    Who Says Men Arn't Sensitive A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around...
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    Atm In The Lobby - I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in... I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress...
    TheSecretAgent TheSecretAgent 31-35, M 7 Responses Oct 16, 2012

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    A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies. To this his friend responds...
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    Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Alice informed the teacher, "Paul has to go to the principal's office." "I...
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    On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will...
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    John was a patient living in a mental hospital since many years. Lately, he had developed this habit of putting his ear to the wall and listening. The hospital doctor would watch...
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    2 kids were deciding what game to play. One said "Lets play doctors and patients" The 2nd kid answered "Ok, you'll be the doctor, I'll sue".
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 day ago

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    Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. "Well...
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    What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital? With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a spell!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    One day while at her job as a ... One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad...
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    After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car, his father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 hrs ago

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    A man was talking to his buddy. "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His...
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    The Statue A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over...
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    Tina was gossiping with her friend Sara. Tina : Can you tell the Secret for a successful marriage? Sara: You tell. Tina: It's "The Work-Shop". The husband works while the wife...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 7 Responses Mar 9

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