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    The Power Of God

    A lazy man once went to the forest and furiously prayed. "God? Oh God? Are you there?" the man called out loudly. Suddenly, there was a flash lightning followed by loud thunder. "Yes, my son, what do you want?" God replied. "I hope you don't mind if i ask a few questions...
    Jnyl Jnyl 26-30, F 15 Responses Jul 13, 2013

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    Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the

    other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 26

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    Exerise For The Nonathletic Calories can be

    burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. Exercise________ Calories burned per hour Beating around the bush -75 Jumping to conclusions - 100 Climbing the walls - 150 Swallowing your pride - 50 Passing the buck - 25...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    How to get out of anext speeding ticket!

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    A programmer is someone

    who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Walking through a supermarket,

    a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently. “I’m sorry...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 11

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    Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary,

    "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions." Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 1

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    The local District Judge had given the

    defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    First day at school..

    . The child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?" The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 27

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    The Psychiatric Hotline "Hello,

    welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline." If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every

    night. DR: take this tablet you will be ok. Sardar: Can I take tomorrow? Doctor: why ? Sardar: because, tonight is final game. Lol
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M Aug 10

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    Irregularactivities Irregularactivities 16-17, F 5 days ago

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    An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled

    into a camp. "Am I glad to see you!" he said. "I've been lost for three days." "Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 6

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    A man arrives at the gates of heaven.

    St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 20

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    Wal-Mart Vs Heaven I consider Wal-Mart to be

    God's gift to shoppers. Here are the similarities I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors Heaven: Eternal Wal-Mart...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    Good News A woman phones up her husband at work

    for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?" Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    Three Englishmen And A Welshman

    Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table. One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.' His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.' The third Englishman...
    HotMomShaama HotMomShaama 46-50, F 3 Responses Jul 15, 2013

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    Best Son There are three Jewish mothers

    bragging about their sons. The first one says "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City." The second one says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best doctor in New York City." The third one says, "My son has not done that well. He does not...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The Old Lady & the Cashier A little old lady

    went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten on Christmas." The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 6 days ago

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    TEACHER: Why are you late,

    Frank? FRANK: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 7

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    Three men are traveling on a ship,

    when they are accosted by the Devil. The Devil proposes that if each man drops something into the sea and he cannot find it, he will be that man's slave. If the Devil does find it, however, he will eat that man up. The first man drops a pure, clear diamond, and immediately gets...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 5

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    A Fire Truck One dark night outside a small

    town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    Two Statues For decades,

    two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    All these Hitler puns are unprecedented,

    Anne Frankly i did Nazi them coming...
    peaceinmiles peaceinmiles 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 2

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    The Sexy Man

    A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attention...
    Tgilly Tgilly 51-55, F 12 Responses Apr 13, 2010

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    The Laws of Work... The first 90% of project

    takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. If...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 3 days ago

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    Why do women fart after they take a pee?

    They can't shake it, so they blow it dry.
    Anth9012 Anth9012 22-25, M Aug 12

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    Paint the Porch Hobo shows up at the front

    door of a grand mansion. The owner comes to the door. Hobo says, "Sir, I am down on my luck and ask if you could please spare me a meal?" The owner stared at the hobo for a minute and then broke out in a lambasting such as the world has never seen. "You shiftless bum!! I...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 day ago

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    A woman announces to her friend

    that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 26

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    i like jokes so please inbox me

    if you have some :)
    mahdiraza mahdiraza 16-17, M 4 days ago

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    Henry and Martha are celebrating 50 years of

    marriage. He takes her hand, thanks her for their years together but asks if she's ever been unfaithful. She pauses and answers, yes, three times, but always for a good reason. "What could those reasons be," he asked with pain in his voice? She replied "well, the first time...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 12

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    A wife and her husband were having a dinner

    party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jun 21

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    Remember when..... Remember when.

    ....... A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show of note a window was something you hated to clean and ram was the cousin of a goat Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights now they all mean different things and that really...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Mirror An old man

    and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldomsaw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. "Well, my wife ain't home, she's gone down to the crick to wash clothes, but lemme see what you got," said the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 11

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    For Indians only !!! Banta: Pareshan lag rahe

    ho. Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu. Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai. Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata Hahaha...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 10

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    Tina was gossiping with her friend Sara.

    Tina : Can you tell the Secret for a successful marriage? Sara: You tell. Tina: It's "The Work-Shop". The husband works while the wife shops!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 9

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    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.

    One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel." Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 29

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    May Joe R.I.P. Joe passed away.

    His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. " "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    Genie and the Beer Two old guys were fishing

    in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out. A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, "You get one wish between the two of you--make it a good one." The old man in the front of...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Atm In The Lobby

    I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in... I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?" The trainer looked me over and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby." :o
    TheSecretAgent TheSecretAgent 31-35, M 8 Responses Oct 16, 2012

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    An older man was married to a younger woman.

    After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex. He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    An old man finally gets the sports car of his

    dreams and decides to go for a drive and see what his new car can do. He's letting loose on the highway, when police lights and sirens turn on right behind him. He looks at his speed and notices he's doing 100, so he presses on the gas increasing it to 110, presses a little...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 15

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    A little girl was watching her parents dress

    for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning..”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 26

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    Three old couples were having tea one fine day.

    They were all chatting when one of the men, trying to get a chuckle, said to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey!" which got a big laugh. A moment later the second man said, "Pass the sugar, sugar!" This got a bit of a bigger laugh, so the third man, although not quite as...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 10

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    Whats the difference between ooohh

    and AAAHHH... 3 inches!
    Cindycindy1234okk Cindycindy1234okk 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 28

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    Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about

    their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 26

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    Things to do in the office

    when you're bored Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?... Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution ONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 6 days ago

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    A: What do you get when you play country music

    backwards? A: You get back your wife, your dog, your truck...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 7

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    Too much Coffee You know you're drinking too

    much coffee when... You answer the door before people knock. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You lick your coffeepot clean. You're the employee of the...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference

    between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money...
    wendu44 wendu44 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 20

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    “Oh no! not leftovers again!

    ” complained my older sister when she saw the leftover meatloaf on the table from last nights supper. “Young lady” responded my father sternly, “do you know how many people would love to have a delicious supper like this?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Now before we...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jun 15

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    Police: where do you live?

    Me: with my parents. Police: where does your parents live? Me: with me. Police: where do you all live? Me: together Police: where is your house? Me: next to my neighbors house. Police: where is your neighbors house? Me: if i tell you, you won't believe me. Police: tell me Me...
    alx99 alx99 36-40, F 6 Responses May 26

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    Drunk A guy is swerving down the road

    and gets pulled over. The cop says, "You have to take a Breathalyzer test." The guy says, "I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on a coughing fit." The cop says, "Then I have to give you a blood test." The guy says, "You can't. I'm a hemophiliac, and if you ***** me, I...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 26-30, F 6 days ago

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