I Like Jokes

a man and a woman go into a forest at night to have sex,after a few minutes the man stops and says darn i wish i had a flashlight,the woman replied i wish you did too,you have been eating grass for the last 10 minutes

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England, Wales and Scotland were walking past, and felt sorry for the man.
The English woman asked him, "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man...

Wives don't get pregnant after many attempts
and
girlfriends get pregnant even after taking many precautions.

Old Timers Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife,

'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern...

Man: "Can you take me to Chelsea?"
Taxi driver: "Sure. What part?"
Man: "All of me!"

Nobody believes a rumor in Washington until it's officially denied.

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one
wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant
wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress
gets their heads...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.""Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen...

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in...

I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said; "I would...

After Engagement He: yes, i waited so long for this.

She:Do you want me to leave? He:No don’t even think of it

She: did you Love me? He:Yes, i did,I’m doing & i’ll do

She:Did u ever cheat me? He:I’ll die then doing...

A woman received a call that her daughter was sick.

She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication,
got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She...

A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends

when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking that

the woman could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet...

 ...

Girl to her blind boyfriend: I wish you had eyes so you could see how beautiful I am.
Blind boyfriend: If you were beautiful would the people with eyes leave you for me?
I am blind but not stupid.
(+ +)
<) (
_...

Suspecting wife's fidelity

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.

"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's fidelity."

Well, I...

A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulls himself slowly and painfully
up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he orders a banana split.
The waitress asks kindly "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replies...

A man from Moscow and a man from Prague are walking in the woods. They meet a boy bear and a girl bear who each kills a man. Which bear eats which man? The girl eats the guy from Moscow. How do you know? Everybody knows the Czech...

Milo says to Paddy,
"Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says:
"Well, the jokes on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even home yesterday."

A Married Man's Best Asset is..
His "Lie-Ability".

It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. 

A...