party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some...
and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her...
A woman was sitting in a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her friends
when an exceptionally handsome sexy middle aged man entered.. He was so striking that
the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attention...
for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The...
A lazy man once went to the forest and furiously prayed.
"God? Oh God? Are you there?" the man called out loudly.
Suddenly, there was a flash lightning followed by loud thunder.
"Yes, my son, what do you want?" God replied.
"I hope you don't mind if i ask a few questions...
decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."
The following day, she heard the...
His wife kept getting more and more suspicious, and finally spoke to her maid about it.
Wife: I have a suspicion that my husband might be having anaffair in his office.
Maid: Go on! You're only saying that to make me jealous.
when he knocks on your door? "Pizza!"
What's a gentleman? Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
What do you get when you wrap a fun guy in 4 strings? a Porta-cello.
What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop...
A thief and his accomplice entered a high-rise building and stole some jeweleries from an apartment. Suddenly, they heard police sirens.
Thief : Quick buddy! The police are coming! Jump out of the window!
Accomplice: But we're on the 13th floor!
Thief : You...
the wife asks me the other day, out of all my friends who do you think is the prettiest, men we know there is no right answer to this question. so im thinking in for penny, isays to her well diane is really pretty, but carol does that thingy with her tongue...
. . .!
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy.
A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.
Well what if I didn't drink this beer? Those workers might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I said to myself, "It is...
stuttering problem goes to see a speech therapist who is highly recommended by doctors.
"How may I help you?" asks the therapist.
The guy replies, "I-I-I have th-th-this sa-sa-sa-stuttering pa-pa-problem."
"So I see!" says the therapist. "I can help you with that, but I warn you...
between potential and realistic?” The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money...
when I came across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
I picked up the lamp and gave it a rub. A genie appeared and told me I had been granted one wish.
I thought for a moment and said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal...
and his partner were looking to relocate their business, so the businessman sent his partner to Texas in order to scope things out for a possible relocation site.
It so happened that a young well-dressed woman was walking down a street in Forth Worth when she unluckily slipped...
trip to England an American and an Englishman struck up a conversation.
"Are you enjoying your stay?" asked the Englishman.
"Oh yes!" said the American. "I just made a visit to Chol-mon-de-ly castle."
"Sorry?" said the Englishman.
"Cholmondeley Castle," the American repeated...
Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table.
One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.'
His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't want to be arrested. Let's make him start the fight.'
The third Englishman...
"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going to hear of it when I get home...
a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an...
if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?”
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten...
dreams and decides to go for a drive and see what his new car can do. He's letting loose on the highway, when police lights and sirens turn on right behind him.
He looks at his speed and notices he's doing 100, so he presses on the gas increasing it to 110, presses a little...