I know that sounds very self-centered, but hear me out. My life doesn't bring much joy to people. I'm really good at hurting anyone who comes in contact with me, and I can't seem to control it. That's why I "taught" myself how to be funny. I absolutely love the sound of people...
for thinking that I'm the loudest, most attention seeking hyena laughing imbecile at parties. To be honest I'm the one washing up or under the table licking the trifle bowl out with my finger.
I really don't wish to be the centre of attention I just have a desperate need to...
so heres a clinical joke ( its a bit **** )
A pirate goes to the clinic worried that the moles on his back may be cancer.
" its ok" says the Dr " there benign"
"Count em again Dr" says the pirate " i reckon there be 10 at least !
and go upstairs to his bedroom, sees his wife sleeping with the window wide open, he knows that window is never open. He goes over and looks out the window and sees a guy walking in the alley, he freaks out and goes over and picks up this huge dresser and throws it out the...
Of all tokens of appreciation, she gave me two bottles of feminine wash, proudly patronizing, it contains vitamin E...I don't know if I should be insulted or not...So every time we meet and she asks, "How are you?"...I sing and dance in front of her, look down and say, "It's...
ask me to run a AA/NA meeting downstairs in the church, I agree just for a couple of them. So this is back about Easter time and I'm asking all these drug and alcohol people if they know about Easter. The first guy stood up was a drinker, he said that's when the family comes...
Violets are blue,
Monkeys like YOU,
belong to the zoo.
But don't be afraid,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
I'm only joking.
I'm just bored,
I just wanted to
Say HELLO to YOU! :D
So enjoy this poem,
That i copy and kind of rewrite for you...
This is the greeting on his answering machine.
"Hi, this is C. If you are someone from the phone company, I've already sent the money. If it's you mom, please send money. If it's my financial institution, you don't lend me enough money. If you're a friend, you owe me money. If...
He told me that this was a good friend of his, he had a sense of humour, ... A good guy all around and I would enjoy myself. I wasn't very eager to go, at that point taking out the trash held more appeal. Mike, my friend, said he will bring his gf and we could all go out...
One time I invited him to our prayer meeting. During the bible study, he was fascinated as he fingered through the pages of my bible. Suddenly, something fell out. It was an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
"What have you got there?" I asked nonchalantly.