and go upstairs to his bedroom, sees his wife sleeping with the window wide open, he knows that window is never open. He goes over and looks out the window and sees a guy walking in the alley, he freaks out and goes over and picks up this huge dresser and throws it out the...
I know that sounds very self-centered, but hear me out. My life doesn't bring much joy to people. I'm really good at hurting anyone who comes in contact with me, and I can't seem to control it. That's why I "taught" myself how to be funny. I absolutely love the sound of people...
so heres a clinical joke ( its a bit **** )
A pirate goes to the clinic worried that the moles on his back may be cancer.
" its ok" says the Dr " there benign"
"Count em again Dr" says the pirate " i reckon there be 10 at least !
This is the greeting on his answering machine.
"Hi, this is C. If you are someone from the phone company, I've already sent the money. If it's you mom, please send money. If it's my financial institution, you don't lend me enough money. If you're a friend, you owe me money. If...
Violets are blue,
Monkeys like YOU,
belong to the zoo.
But don't be afraid,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
I'm only joking.
I'm just bored,
I just wanted to
Say HELLO to YOU! :D
So enjoy this poem,
That i copy and kind of rewrite for you...
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
(3:43 am....I can't sleep...This is killing me!)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Had scrambled eggs
One time I invited him to our prayer meeting. During the bible study, he was fascinated as he fingered through the pages of my bible. Suddenly, something fell out. It was an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages.
"What have you got there?" I asked nonchalantly.
and lock it,,, put your dog in another room and lock it,,,,
open both room after 3 hours, and see who is happy to see you,,, and who will bite you:)) haha.
people are advised not to try this at home,,, these stunts are performed by professionals,,, who are now divorced and...
for thinking that I'm the loudest, most attention seeking hyena laughing imbecile at parties. To be honest I'm the one washing up or under the table licking the trifle bowl out with my finger.
I really don't wish to be the centre of attention I just have a desperate need to...
He told me that this was a good friend of his, he had a sense of humour, ... A good guy all around and I would enjoy myself. I wasn't very eager to go, at that point taking out the trash held more appeal. Mike, my friend, said he will bring his gf and we could all go out...
"How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The...