Don't Lie To Your Mother
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious...
Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden you're walking out on me? I don't think so. Not right now. YOU'RE GETTING YOUR WISHES SO SIT DOWN!!!
In case of emergency: The exit's right here, right here, right here, right here, right here...
This is the greeting on his answering machine.
"Hi, this is C. If you are someone from the phone company, I've already sent the money. If it's you mom, please send money. If it's my financial institution, you don't lend me enough money. If you're a friend, you owe me money. If...
for thinking that I'm the loudest, most attention seeking hyena laughing imbecile at parties. To be honest I'm the one washing up or under the table licking the trifle bowl out with my finger.
I really don't wish to be the centre of attention I just have a desperate need to...
He told me that this was a good friend of his, he had a sense of humour, ... A good guy all around and I would enjoy myself. I wasn't very eager to go, at that point taking out the trash held more appeal. Mike, my friend, said he will bring his gf and we could all go out...
Hey, diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock.
"I think, it's best to keep my thoughts to myself..." :)
To get a chloro-filling
-What do you do with a sick chemist?
If you can't helium and you can't curium, then you might as well barium
-Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide?
I'm such a nerd LOL XD
and me) to lunch. Her son graduated from college, and she wanted to celebrate with us exclusive. It followed the conversation led to graduations.
Mutual friend: I raised the pig...cut up for my son's graduation party.
(We are in the country side so we live the simple life.)
!.. i feel like i am getting boobs (breasts) .. every 3 days it getting bigger and bigger.. but I AM A MAN.. WHY IS THAT HAPPENING??!.. i am just living normal life without any weird thing.. may be fatty something i got or from soda. it really bother me when i am sleeping or...
while potty training I took the boys to the restroom. they were all standing up trying to pee over the toilet bowl , when I came across little mason. he was straining for all he had in him! I asked him what was the matter. he exclaimed in frustration Ms.Teri, Mine don't work!! I...
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
(3:43 am....I can't sleep...This is killing me!)
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Had scrambled eggs
Violets are blue,
Monkeys like YOU,
belong to the zoo.
But don't be afraid,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
but laughing at you.
I'm only joking.
I'm just bored,
I just wanted to
Say HELLO to YOU! :D
So enjoy this poem,
That i copy and kind of rewrite for you...
If I happen to trip over nothing when you're having a bad day and it makes you smile, then that floor definitely tripped me! If you are ready to cry and a milkshake mustache will make you smile, lay it on me. I love my friends and would do anything for them. If only I had more...
so heres a clinical joke ( its a bit **** )
A pirate goes to the clinic worried that the moles on his back may be cancer.
" its ok" says the Dr " there benign"
"Count em again Dr" says the pirate " i reckon there be 10 at least !
that had to share it with you.
Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come...
hypochondriasis again! The same of old fear, the same trend of thought...
Bff: I'd like to live very long. What should I do?
Me: That's a wise decision. You don't smoke, do you?
Me: Starting now, stop smoking. Do you drink?
Bff: Not much. Just a bit of wine...