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I Like People With a Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 20,179 People

    Humor

    I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. I hung up and called him back. He answered and said, "Hello" to which I replied, "Hey, friend, it's me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 4, 2013

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    Q: What's got four legs

    and no ears? A: Mike Tyson's dog.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    everyone needs a laugh now

    and then. some people take life too seriously
    LazyApe LazyApe 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 26

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    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him

    if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 7

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    Two strands of DNA were walking down the street.

    One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Early on I saw a girl

    so thin she could fly away with a fart daaaamn... eat some beaf yo!
    Bluerosered Bluerosered 26-30, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A man who was just about to be executed was

    asked whether he would like to have a last smoke. The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke. I don't want to get lung cancer."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    Seriously

    I like being around smart, witty people who have a sense of humor. Why worry about being so serious all the time? There's plenty of time for being serious when it's necessary. In the meantime, let's joke, have fun and laugh.
    pentupfreedom pentupfreedom 46-50, M 11 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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    Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a

    Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 17 hrs ago

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    Dead Duck A woman brought a very limp duck

    into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Say down with mums cos

    when your wide awake they make you go to sleep and when your fast asleep they make you wake up lol
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 12 hrs ago

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    Bill, Hillary and Vice President Gore were on

    their way back to Washington on Air Force One, when Bill said " I'd like to drop a $100 bill out of the plane and make one person very happy". Hillary thought for a moment then replied "I’d rather drop ten, $10 bills out and make ten people very happy". To which Vice...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    Inside every older person is a younger person

    wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    If someone with multiple personalities

    threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A dirty little boy was playing at the playground

    and walked up to his mother and asked, "Who am I?" The mother replied, "I don't know! Who are you?" the little boy said excitedly, "WOW! My teacher was right. She said that I was so dirty that even my own mother wouldn't recognize me."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    Three Boy Scouts, in uniform,

    were fishing in a boat one day when they heard cries for help. They followed the sounds and found another boat capsized as a man struggled to keep his head above water. Being Boy Scouts, they went to his aid and fished the man out. As it turned out, the man was Bill Clinton...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    If FedEx and Ups merged,

    would they call it Fed UP?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I want to meet people

    who can make me laugh, who can keep up a conversation and is able to take a joke We can be internet friends although this relationship would be completely meaningless but eh life is meaningless. (Yes I am a self proclaimed philosopher certified by my mother's daughter)
    theorangefreak theorangefreak 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 25, 2014

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    A tourist at the department store went to buy

    bras for his wife."We have them in African,Chinese and Russian sizes," the salesgirl said. "That's new,what are they?"he asked. "The African sizes uplift the fallen,the Chinese make mountains out of molehills,and...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    My Funny But Disasterous Dating Experiences

    I always mess up on dates so now I really can't be arsed with it all. Nobody screws up more than me. Listen to thisMy problem was I listened to the "experts" 1) pay her complimentsI'm not really a shy person in fact its a job to shut me up so no awkard licences with ME. I met her...
    chattychap087 chattychap087 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 23, 2012

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    Love it when you just 'click' with

    someone :) American men WANTED haha
    CowGirlx CowGirlx 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    "Dad, where did I come from?

    " asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 4 days ago

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    A snail was mugged by a tortoise.

    The police said "Can you give us a description of your attacker? The snail said, "no, it all happened so fast!"
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    A student comes to a young professor's office

    hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    A wealthy man was having an affair with an

    Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Feb 15

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    Women are like iPhones.

    You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves. #isthatso?
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 26-30, F 9 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Psychologists have discovered

    that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once. 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Love is like having a bluetooth connection .

    . if you are not paired successfully ... then search for new devices ....
    aessis aessis 22-25, F Nov 10, 2014

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    BUalways BUalways 46-50, M 1 hr ago

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    Write about you Chukchuk is in a Quiz Contest

    trying to win Prize money of Rs.1 Million US$ The questions are as follows: 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Chukchuk says, "I will skip this" 2) In which country are the Panama hats made? A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) ECUADOR Chukchuk...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 16 hrs ago

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    If you can’t find a lawyer

    who knows the law, find a lawyer who knows the judge.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 17 hrs ago

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    How To Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 12 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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    A guy walks in to the Barbershop.

    Barber says, "What will it be today?" Guy says, "well I want it going with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up." Barber says, "Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that." Guy says, "That’s how...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A young boy enters a barber shop

    and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's.

    Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!' ~Kevin Hart~
    elle2122 elle2122 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 28, 2014

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    When the follow called a motel

    and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?' the man asked. "No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through

    all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Bill and Hillary Clinton go to a Yankees game

    together. They had VIP seats in the first row. All of a sudden, a secret service agent comes up to Bill and whispers in his ear. A few seconds later, Bill grabs Hillary and throws her out onto the field! The SS agent comes running back to Bill and says, "Mr. President, sir, I...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A married couple got a red haired child

    after many years.The couple had a brown hair,so the husband became suspicious and the wife upset.They saw the doctor,who was puzzled,because according to the law of genetics this was not possible. "How often do you have sex?"he...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses Feb 7

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    Three men walked in to a bar.

    You think one of them would have seen it!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    When a bachelor marries,

    his wife has three qualities-she is an economist in the kitchen,an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.After a few years,sure enough the three qualities remain,but not in the same order-she is an aristocrat in the kitchen,a devil in the living room and an economist...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 14 Responses Jan 26

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    I Try Not to Take Myself Too Seriously

    I really do try not to take myself too seriously now concerning things I do for fun. I have spent much of my  life taking myself too seriously in too many other areas. I had too much responsibility for a child from an early age. Felt too much need to control everything in my...
    datura datura 56-60, F 52 Responses Mar 31, 2009

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    This past fall semester,

    at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's." These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    So today I went to the Doctor

    for a simple check-up only to end up getting a blood work done. After she was finished, I asked her, "is my blood good looking?" She replied: "Very, just like you!"
    lifetime201 lifetime201 16-17, M 2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

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    Well Christmas is the only time you can say to

    the wife n gf you have a bird on the table and your gonna stuff it with out them complaining lol
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 12 hrs ago

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    The Substitute Tooth Fairy I was leaving

    for a two-day conference, and my seven-year-old daughter, Katherine, was becoming overly clinging and teary. I was mystified at her emotional reaction until I heard her say to my husband, "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    When I was at school my end of year report read

    like a character assassination
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 12 hrs ago

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    A rabbi, a Unitarian Universalist minister,

    and a Wiccan priestess decided to go on a fishing trip together. They went down to their local lake, rented a boat, and went out on to the lake for a day of fishing. As the afternoon approached, the trio got hungry—and realized that they left their lunches on the shore of the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 30, 2014

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    My son, Samuel, works at the local Walgreens.

    He works the second shift and usually I wait for him to come home after work to share anything interesting or odd that might have happened at work to either of us. Today he told me this story. Sam was in charge of emptying the supply truck and placing things either on the...
    RobertCarlos RobertCarlos 46-50, M 3 Responses Nov 8, 2014

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