I Like People With a Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 32,248 People

    A couple decided to commit suicide together

    after a rough life. They decided to jump off a building. When they got to the top, they both agreed to jump on the count of 3. The woman jumped but the man held back. He watched the woman drop for 8 seconds, then saw that she pulled a parachute. Who betrayed who?
    FelicitySmoak FelicitySmoak
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Apr 30, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Apr 12

    When I was kid, I was terrified of ear wigs

    because I thought they came out of your ears. Just imagine how scared I was when I heard about cockroaches!
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    3 Responses Jan 14
    Loretta78 Loretta78
    36-40, F
    Mar 27

    One of the guys I work with overdosed on Viagra.

    His wife's been taking it pretty hard.
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Feb 23

    I've only ever met one person

    who doesn't get offended with my mean sense of humour. It's not even that bad, but people are so sensitive these days -_-
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    5 Responses Jan 12

    You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a

    moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    6 Responses Feb 16
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Feb 2

    There are 2 reasons not to drink toilet

    water: Number 1 and number 2
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Jan 4

    A man was walking along a California beach

    and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get...
    timothyc31 timothyc31
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Feb 27, 2015

    A man woke up in the morning with a headache

    and saw a rose, an Aspirin, water and a note on the bed side table written on it: ?Breakfast is on the table I am off to the store?. When he went down stairs he saw his son and asked him what happened last night. His son said ?Well you came home drunk and when mom tried to kiss...
    lobosluv lobosluv
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Nov 8, 2015

    When a bachelor marries,

    his wife has three qualities-she is an economist in the kitchen,an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.After a few years,sure enough the three qualities remain,but not in the same order-she is an aristocrat in the kitchen,a devil in the living room and an economist...
    teachocolate teachocolate
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Jan 26, 2015

    A 7 year-old and a 4 year-old are in their

    bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year-old, "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you." "Okay," replies the 4 year-old. In the kitchen, when the mother asks the 7 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he answers...
    timothyc31 timothyc31
    46-50, M
    6 Responses Jun 5, 2015
    richochet96791 richochet96791
    36-40, M
    1 Response Feb 1

    Over the years, I've done it in a lot of places.

    I've done it in ice cold water and I've done it in warm water. I've done it on almost every beach around here, I've even travelled to other continent's to do it. I've done it by myself and i've done it with a group of people. i've done it non stop all day and also enjoy doing...
    Wendy630 Wendy630
    46-50, F
    11 Responses Jan 6

    How To Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt...
    traveller139 traveller139
    26-30, M
    9 Responses Jan 28, 2013

    I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is

    now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    2 Responses Jan 8

    Apparently this was the first group I ever

    joined. That shows how important it is to me, because I really hate explaining a joke. It's just not funny after that.
    luketepid luketepid
    56-60, M
    2 Responses Feb 24
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 30, 2015

    Hand written birthday invitations: I just

    stopped my daughter from mailing out 35 hand written birthday cards......Each envelope had the person's name and email address on it......(mulligan)
    Wendy630 Wendy630
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Jan 4

    2 dyslexics run into a bank

    and shout: Air in the hands Mother Stickers This is a **** up!!
    Unsatisfiedstace2 Unsatisfiedstace2
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Jan 4
    53messenger 53messenger
    51-55, M
    3 Responses Dec 28, 2015

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him

    if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jan 7, 2015

    A very good friend of mine showed me this pic

    she sent to her FRIeND, at work. That friend took this to management:
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 14

    Three years ago I was offered a job over sea's.

    The culture was completely different from anything I was used to. I quickly learned that they where horrible drivers and not just in cars. The entire population owns and rides bikes. They all have bells on their bike which they non stop ring as they ride faster then the speed of...
    NeilAnblowme NeilAnblowme
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Jan 4

    Marriage is like a deck of cards.

    All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.
    lobosluv lobosluv
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Nov 18, 2015

    Such an endearing quality.

    Make me laugh, charm me with your humor and you have found a key to my heart!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 12, 2015

    My friends and I have about a million inside

    jokes. It's pretty funny. Aside from that I have a pretty dry sense of humour and a lot of the time you will only understand it if you listen carefully...I can't really explain it. sometimes I will make a comment and a random person would probably take it seriously, but only...
    Passionfruit101 Passionfruit101
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 28, 2015

    How long does it take

    for a giraffe to throw up
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    3 Responses Jan 3

    Sexiness wears thin after a while

    and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh everyday, ah, that's a real treat.
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jul 20, 2015

    A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.

    The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till...
    timothyc31 timothyc31
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Feb 28, 2015

    A rough childhood can make you develop a sense

    of humor. I was kidnapped once. I was walking down the road a car pulled up and the driver asked me if I wanted to get into his car and visit a land with magic and fairies and all kinds of candy. I said sure why not. After all I was on spring break from college anyway. So he...
    Phillyross1962 Phillyross1962
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Sep 26, 2015

    sknight1970 sknight1970
    46-50, M
    Mar 25

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands "Dear, Dad. It is...
    timothyc31 timothyc31
    46-50, M
    3 Responses Apr 10, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jul 20, 2015
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jan 4

    I am asexual 41, looking

    for MOC I am Asian British, looking for a permanent MOC preferably with an asexual/gay. But want a normal couple's life (without sex) including living together and enjoying other stuff just like best friends/flat mates. Pls contact me if u want the same in life. Me Also
    ItsMeeeHere ItsMeeeHere
    41-45
    1 Response Feb 3

    To all you guys who call me boring,

    at least the police say I'm "a person of interest".
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    7 Responses Feb 25

    THE *****.....Some friends were sitting at the

    bar talking about their professions. The first guy says "I'm a YUPPIE, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist" The second guy says "I'm a DINK...Dual Income, No Kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB...Rich, Urban, Biker." They turn to the woman...
    HouseMouser HouseMouser
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Dec 8, 2015

    A married couple got a red haired child

    after many years.The couple had a brown hair,so the husband became suspicious and the wife upset.They saw the doctor,who was puzzled,because according to the law of genetics this was not possible. "How often do you have sex?"he...
    teachocolate teachocolate
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Feb 7, 2015

    A tourist at the department store went to buy

    bras for his wife."We have them in African,Chinese and Russian sizes," the salesgirl said. "That's new,what are they?"he asked. "The African sizes uplift the fallen,the Chinese make mountains out of molehills,and...
    teachocolate teachocolate
    41-45, F
    10 Responses Feb 26, 2015

    I love to do housework in the nude.

    Unfortunately for the neighbors, today I'm roofing.
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    10 Responses Jan 7

    Humor can make a serious difference.

    In the workplace, at home, in all areas of life – looking for a reason to laugh is necessary. A sense of humor helps us to get through the dull times, cope with the difficult times, enjoy the good times and manage the scary times.
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jul 17, 2015

    It doesn't matter how often a married man

    changes his job,he still ends up with the same boss..Lol just kidding too..:-)
    teachocolate teachocolate
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Feb 2, 2015

    This Property is protected by a husband with a

    gun and wife with PMS guess which ones home
    lobosluv lobosluv
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Nov 6, 2015

    "Make me laugh and I'm all yours".

    one of my fav phrase
    Enca11 Enca11
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Sep 15, 2015

    The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles

    as a strobe light during sex.
    slingshot007 slingshot007
    51-55, M
    1 Response Jan 25

    If I had a £ for every time I have been told I

    am childish, I could have a massive treehouse now.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jan 4

    They give a new image n meaning to life

    and the big issues seem to shrink to minions as long as one is with them.
    XbandoleerX XbandoleerX
    51-55, M
    Feb 23
    tadmore254 tadmore254
    51-55, F
    4 Responses Oct 15, 2015
    Montseny15 Montseny15
    16-17, F
    Dec 28, 2015

    I have to! People laugh at me,

    I laugh at them and all is well with the world. I cannot stand folk who take themselves too seriously and people who worship money before humanity? Oh we can either hate them, cry or laugh at their folly. I am not good at hating, so that is out, crying is no good so one must...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Apr 8
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