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I Like People With a Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 22,597 People

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands "Dear, Dad. It is...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 5 Responses Apr 10

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    Little Johnny likes to gamble.

    One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 10

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    rougewolf55555 rougewolf55555 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 13

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    A student comes to a young professor's office

    hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 26

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    John gets a call from his Artartian friend,

    Bill. "I've got a problem," says Bill. "What's the matter?" asks John. "Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's just too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks John. "It's a picture of a big Rooster," replies...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Mar 5

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    A tourist at the department store went to buy

    bras for his wife."We have them in African,Chinese and Russian sizes," the salesgirl said. "That's new,what are they?"he asked. "The African sizes uplift the fallen,the Chinese make mountains out of molehills,and...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 13 Responses Feb 26

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    Humor

    I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. I hung up and called him back. He answered and said, "Hello" to which I replied, "Hey, friend, it's me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 4, 2013

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    There was a little baby boy

    and a little baby girl. Then the baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!" Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves. So the boy lifts up his gown and goes........."See I...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Feb 27

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    A husband got his mother-in-law a cemetery plot

    for Christmas. It came with a coffin, tomb stone, the works. Next Christmas comes by and the husband gets her nothing. When the mother-in-law asks, "Why didn't you get me a gift?" the husband says, "You haven't used the one I got you last year!"
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 10

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    A college student said to his mother,

    “I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!” “That is very nice,” muted his mother. “You can go upstairs and start with your room.”
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Mar 5

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    An Antartian decides to try horseback riding,

    even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady rhythmic pace, but the Antartian begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Mar 5

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    How To Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 12 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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    Q: What do college students

    and deer have in common? A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Mar 5

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    Three men walked in to a bar.

    You think one of them would have seen it!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt

    because he doesn't want to waste his time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook and WhatsApp! ;) :-p ----- Monica Lal
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 10 Responses Apr 25

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    My Funny But Disasterous Dating Experiences

    I always mess up on dates so now I really can't be arsed with it all. Nobody screws up more than me. Listen to thisMy problem was I listened to the "experts" 1) pay her complimentsI'm not really a shy person in fact its a job to shut me up so no awkard licences with ME. I met her...
    chattychap087 chattychap087 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 23, 2012

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    If FedEx and Ups merged,

    would they call it Fed UP?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds

    for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Mar 5

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    Dead Duck A woman brought a very limp duck

    into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    I dont have a problem with laughing at myself.

    I have a problem with anybody else doing it.
    diegodlavega diegodlavega 46-50, M 4 Responses Mar 30

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    Women are like iPhones.

    You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves. #isthatso?
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 31-35, F 9 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Hahahah I dig this photo.

    #friendshipgoals
    drunkinlove23 drunkinlove23 18-21, F Apr 15

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    Dereklynn Dereklynn 41-45, M Aug 4, 2014

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    A mother went to pick up her daughter from

    elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy," the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    Mother: "Are you talking back to me?

    !" Son: "Well yeah, that's kinda how communication works."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 10

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    This past fall semester,

    at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's." These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Feb 26

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    There are five cows on a farm,

    one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 10

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    Little Billy came home from school to see the

    family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    A man was walking along a California beach

    and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Feb 27

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    A little girl and her older brother were

    visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 11

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    It was snowing heavily

    and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little Antartian got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Mar 5

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dad: "Can I see your report card,

    son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 10

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    I Try Not to Take Myself Too Seriously

    I really do try not to take myself too seriously now concerning things I do for fun. I have spent much of my  life taking myself too seriously in too many other areas. I had too much responsibility for a child from an early age. Felt too much need to control everything in my...
    datura datura 56-60, F 53 Responses Mar 31, 2009

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    So yesterday I went with my mama to an

    appointment... It was my first time there so mama came with me. The Orthotist, a handsome man, asked me a few questions and made me do this and that... Then after it was all done, my mama asked him how much it would cost to get my orthosis... Him: Around 470$ or more if we...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 28

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    We spend the first twelve months of our

    children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Feb 27

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    It doesn't matter how often a married man

    changes his job,he still ends up with the same boss..Lol just kidding too..:-)
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 7 Responses Feb 2

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    Seriously

    I like being around smart, witty people who have a sense of humor. Why worry about being so serious all the time? There's plenty of time for being serious when it's necessary. In the meantime, let's joke, have fun and laugh.
    pentupfreedom pentupfreedom 46-50, M 11 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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    A young man goes into a drug store to buy

    condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants. "Well," he says, "I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    A doctor tells an old couple at his office he

    needs to get a stool sample, a urine sample, and a blood test from the old man. Hard of hearing, the old man asks his wife what the doctor said. The wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 11

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    A couple decided to commit suicide together

    after a rough life. They decided to jump off a building. When they got to the top, they both agreed to jump on the count of 3. The woman jumped but the man held back. He watched the woman drop for 8 seconds, then saw that she pulled a parachute. Who betrayed who?
    FelicitySmoak FelicitySmoak 31-35, F 7 Responses 6 days ago

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    A married couple got a red haired child

    after many years.The couple had a brown hair,so the husband became suspicious and the wife upset.They saw the doctor,who was puzzled,because according to the law of genetics this was not possible. "How often do you have sex?"he...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses Feb 7

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    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him

    if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 7

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    Teacher: "Answer this math problem:

    if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?" Student: "A heart attack."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 11

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    A man tells his wife,

    "Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago." The wife yells at him, "Why are you just telling me now?" He said, "Because I couldn't stop laughing."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    A husband and wife have four boys.

    The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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