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I Like People With a Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 25,813 People

    Teacher: "Answer this math problem:

    if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?" Student: "A heart attack."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 11

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    Sexiness wears thin after a while

    and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh everyday, ah, that's a real treat.
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07 41-45, F 6 Responses Jul 20

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    How To Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 11 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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    rougewolf55555 rougewolf55555 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 13

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    Humor

    I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. I hung up and called him back. He answered and said, "Hello" to which I replied, "Hey, friend, it's me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 4, 2013

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    Little Billy came home from school to see the

    family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home, Billy mentioned, "Dad, our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs like that?" His father, thinking...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt

    because he doesn't want to waste his time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook and WhatsApp! ;) :-p ----- Monica Lal
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 9 Responses Apr 25

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    I Try Not to Take Myself Too Seriously

    I really do try not to take myself too seriously now concerning things I do for fun. I have spent much of my  life taking myself too seriously in too many other areas. I had too much responsibility for a child from an early age. Felt too much need to control everything in my...
    datura datura 56-60, F 53 Responses Mar 31, 2009

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    A little girl and her older brother were

    visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Apr 11

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    A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.

    The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Feb 28

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    A little boy goes to his dad

    and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Jun 5

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    some of y'all on here joke with me

    and **** but others just take it too seriously and like WHY YOU GOTTA KILL MY VIBE BRO.
    payt0n payt0n 13-15, F 1 Response May 19

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    Who doesn't like a good joke,

    one that makes you laugh all the way to your stomach? You make me laugh, we are alright with each other.
    Danielle1011 Danielle1011 51-55, F 2 Responses Jul 4

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    A tourist at the department store went to buy

    bras for his wife."We have them in African,Chinese and Russian sizes," the salesgirl said. "That's new,what are they?"he asked. "The African sizes uplift the fallen,the Chinese make mountains out of molehills,and...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 13 Responses Feb 26

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    One day a man came home from work to find his

    wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic **** magazine! What ever are we going...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Jun 5

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    So a man dies, goes to Heaven,

    and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies, "These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Jun 5

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    My eyes are open wide And by the way,

    I made it through the day I watched the world outside By the way, I'm leaving out today I just saw Halley's comet She waved Said, "Why you always running in place?" Even the man in the moon disappeared Somewhere in the stratosphere [Chorus] Tell my mother, Tell my father I've...
    Holla34 Holla34 18-21, F Jul 3

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    A husband and wife have four boys.

    The odd part of it is that the older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, before I die, be...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    A man tells his wife,

    "Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago." The wife yells at him, "Why are you just telling me now?" He said, "Because I couldn't stop laughing."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    I have a good sense of humor

    and enjoy being around others with the same type of flavor. Humor is a great relief for being depressed. I love going to comedy clubs with my husband and with others and laugh and clap out loud when hearing funny jokes by stand up comedians.
    readytovacation readytovacation 36-40, F 4 Responses Jun 14

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    PJBelle PJBelle 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 20

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    I used to think that finding the right one was

    about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a complete failure. But I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive. It's about...
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 23

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands "Dear, Dad. It is...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Apr 10

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    We spend the first twelve months of our

    children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Feb 27

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    You either have a sense of humour

    or you don't! Us Brits are know for our great sense of humour........How about being slapped in the face with a wet fish British style? :)
    Squirrelstales Squirrelstales 46-50, F 5 Responses May 17

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    Humor can make a serious difference.

    In the workplace, at home, in all areas of life – looking for a reason to laugh is necessary. A sense of humor helps us to get through the dull times, cope with the difficult times, enjoy the good times and manage the scary times.
    GirlieGirl07 GirlieGirl07 41-45, F 3 Responses Jul 17

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    When a bachelor marries,

    his wife has three qualities-she is an economist in the kitchen,an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.After a few years,sure enough the three qualities remain,but not in the same order-she is an aristocrat in the kitchen,a devil in the living room and an economist...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses Jan 26

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    So yesterday I went with my mama to an

    appointment... It was my first time there so mama came with me. The Orthotist, a handsome man, asked me a few questions and made me do this and that... Then after it was all done, my mama asked him how much it would cost to get my orthosis... Him: Around 470$ or more if we...
    EarlPhantomhive EarlPhantomhive 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 28

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    Hey guys, young beauty guru here!

    !! You'll love me so go check out my videos. Hope you like😋http://youtu.be/G--t2VKteho You could also just look me up---> theyloverichar1
    theyloverichar1 theyloverichar1 13-15, F Jul 20

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    ''You gotta learn to laugh'' - Michael (John

    Travolta) from the movie ''Michael''. Can it be said any more simply or direct?
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 1

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    Women are like iPhones.

    You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves. #isthatso?
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 31-35, F 8 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    A man was walking along a California beach

    and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Feb 27

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    When I was young, I used to eat a lot

    because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M Jun 5

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    Hahahah I dig this photo.

    #friendshipgoals
    drunkinlove23 drunkinlove23 18-21, F Apr 15

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    My son, Samuel, works at the local Walgreens.

    He works the second shift and usually I wait for him to come home after work to share anything interesting or odd that might have happened at work to either of us. Today he told me this story. Sam was in charge of emptying the supply truck and placing things either on the...
    RobertCarlos RobertCarlos 46-50, M 3 Responses Nov 8, 2014

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    Dead Duck A woman brought a very limp duck

    into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    A couple decided to commit suicide together

    after a rough life. They decided to jump off a building. When they got to the top, they both agreed to jump on the count of 3. The woman jumped but the man held back. He watched the woman drop for 8 seconds, then saw that she pulled a parachute. Who betrayed who?
    FelicitySmoak FelicitySmoak 31-35, F 13 Responses Apr 30

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    It doesn't matter how often a married man

    changes his job,he still ends up with the same boss..Lol just kidding too..:-)
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 7 Responses Feb 2

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    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him

    if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 7

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    The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds

    for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Mar 5

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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr.

    Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses Jun 5

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    A 7 year-old and a 4 year-old are in their

    bedroom. "You know what?" says the 7 year-old, "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you." "Okay," replies the 4 year-old. In the kitchen, when the mother asks the 7 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he answers...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 7 Responses Jun 5

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    A married couple got a red haired child

    after many years.The couple had a brown hair,so the husband became suspicious and the wife upset.They saw the doctor,who was puzzled,because according to the law of genetics this was not possible. "How often do you have sex?"he...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses Feb 7

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    laughter is best medicine

    for a jaded heart.--at least for me. I like taking things with a pinch of salt, laughing it off, even being able to laugh at oneself makes everyday life less dull.
    sommersjo sommersjo 36-40, F 5 Responses Jul 21

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    If FedEx and Ups merged,

    would they call it Fed UP?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Feb 26

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 5 Responses May 3

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