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I Like People With a Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 20,243 People

    If you can’t find a lawyer

    who knows the law, find a lawyer who knows the judge.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    chicagostyle77 chicagostyle77 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him

    if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Jan 7

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    It doesn't matter how often a married man

    changes his job,he still ends up with the same boss..Lol just kidding too..:-)
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 10 Responses Feb 2

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    A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through

    all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    "Dad, where did I come from?

    " asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 6 days ago

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    everyone needs a laugh now

    and then. some people take life too seriously
    LazyApe LazyApe 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 26

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    A rabbi, a Unitarian Universalist minister,

    and a Wiccan priestess decided to go on a fishing trip together. They went down to their local lake, rented a boat, and went out on to the lake for a day of fishing. As the afternoon approached, the trio got hungry—and realized that they left their lunches on the shore of the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 30, 2014

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    Cannibals capture three men.

    The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    We spend the first twelve months of our

    children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    When I was at school my end of year report read

    like a character assassination
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    Love it when you just 'click' with

    someone :) American men WANTED haha
    CowGirlx CowGirlx 26-30, F 3 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    There was a little baby boy

    and a little baby girl. Then the baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!" Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves. So the boy lifts up his gown and goes........."See I...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dead Duck A woman brought a very limp duck

    into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Inside every older person is a younger person

    wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    When a bachelor marries,

    his wife has three qualities-she is an economist in the kitchen,an aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.After a few years,sure enough the three qualities remain,but not in the same order-she is an aristocrat in the kitchen,a devil in the living room and an economist...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 14 Responses Jan 26

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    Three men were discussing at a bar about

    coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A married couple got a red haired child

    after many years.The couple had a brown hair,so the husband became suspicious and the wife upset.They saw the doctor,who was puzzled,because according to the law of genetics this was not possible. "How often do you have sex?"he...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 8 Responses Feb 7

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    Two strands of DNA were walking down the street.

    One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Married couples, both 60 years old,

    were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 10 hrs ago

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    A man was on a beach

    when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Say down with mums cos

    when your wide awake they make you go to sleep and when your fast asleep they make you wake up lol
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    I DON'T have EX's! I have Y's.

    Like 'Y the hell did I date you?!' ~Kevin Hart~
    elle2122 elle2122 36-40, F 2 Responses Jun 28, 2014

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    Seriously

    I like being around smart, witty people who have a sense of humor. Why worry about being so serious all the time? There's plenty of time for being serious when it's necessary. In the meantime, let's joke, have fun and laugh.
    pentupfreedom pentupfreedom 46-50, M 11 Responses Apr 20, 2012

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    A tourist at the department store went to buy

    bras for his wife."We have them in African,Chinese and Russian sizes," the salesgirl said. "That's new,what are they?"he asked. "The African sizes uplift the fallen,the Chinese make mountains out of molehills,and...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    My Funny But Disasterous Dating Experiences

    I always mess up on dates so now I really can't be arsed with it all. Nobody screws up more than me. Listen to thisMy problem was I listened to the "experts" 1) pay her complimentsI'm not really a shy person in fact its a job to shut me up so no awkard licences with ME. I met her...
    chattychap087 chattychap087 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 23, 2012

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    Women are like iPhones.

    You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves. #isthatso?
    sweetpetals sweetpetals 26-30, F 9 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    BUalways BUalways 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    How To Shower Like A Man:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 12 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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    A man was walking along a California beach

    and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Q: What's got four legs

    and no ears? A: Mike Tyson's dog.
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.

    The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 10 hrs ago

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    My son, Samuel, works at the local Walgreens.

    He works the second shift and usually I wait for him to come home after work to share anything interesting or odd that might have happened at work to either of us. Today he told me this story. Sam was in charge of emptying the supply truck and placing things either on the...
    RobertCarlos RobertCarlos 46-50, M 3 Responses Nov 8, 2014

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    If someone with multiple personalities

    threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Dereklynn Dereklynn 41-45, M Aug 4, 2014

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    Well Christmas is the only time you can say to

    the wife n gf you have a bird on the table and your gonna stuff it with out them complaining lol
    TeddyboyUK72 TeddyboyUK72 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A man found a brass lamp,

    rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you any wish you desire," the genie said. The man replied, "I want a spectacular job. A challenge that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try." "Poof!" Said the genie...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a

    Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    Three men walked in to a bar.

    You think one of them would have seen it!
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A married couple rushed to the hospital

    because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Humor

    I was supposed to go out with this guy on Friday night. On Friday afternoon he called and said that he didn't think it was a good idea, because he just wanted to be friends. I hung up and called him back. He answered and said, "Hello" to which I replied, "Hey, friend, it's me...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 4, 2013

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    Write about you Chukchuk is in a Quiz Contest

    trying to win Prize money of Rs.1 Million US$ The questions are as follows: 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Chukchuk says, "I will skip this" 2) In which country are the Panama hats made? A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) ECUADOR Chukchuk...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 days ago

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    This past fall semester,

    at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's." These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A student comes to a young professor's office

    hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Try Not to Take Myself Too Seriously

    I really do try not to take myself too seriously now concerning things I do for fun. I have spent much of my  life taking myself too seriously in too many other areas. I had too much responsibility for a child from an early age. Felt too much need to control everything in my...
    datura datura 56-60, F 52 Responses Mar 31, 2009

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    Psychologists have discovered

    that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos: 1. The whole thing all at once. 2. One bite at a time 3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    If FedEx and Ups merged,

    would they call it Fed UP?
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    A wealthy man was having an affair with an

    Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 3 Responses Feb 15

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    When I was a teenager,

    there were times when I was angry, but there was a little trick to help me get over my anger. That little trick was humor. Since then, I always enjoyed people who can make me laugh; I find the company of laughter to be fun and relaxing. However, having a sense of humor also...
    growingwisdom growingwisdom 22-25, M 16 hrs ago

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    Related Experiences

    A couple lived near the ocean

    and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them...
    timothyc31 timothyc31 41-45, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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