When you see a girl with no *** trying to twerk and you're just looking like (see pic)
Today my wife looked in the mirror and said to me: "I don't have muffin-tops any more - these are cottage loaves!"
Well, they certainly spill out of my hands (and I have big hands...
I just really love facial hair on men. I'm not really attracted to men that can't grow a decent beard. Obviously there are exception to everything but it's rare. Because of his job...
I asked my daughter to pass the newspaper. "How ancient are you? Use my iPad". That fly never knew what hit it!
My wife and daughters are all into extreme body modification. This includes permanent very long nails, well over an inch long. Indeed one daughter now has four inch nails on all...
Under haunted Skies I see you
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I've braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down
As long as they are not funnier than me. Then I don't like them.
You can always trust someone who likes big butts. They cannot lie. ;P
I miss you
And then there's always one song. You can be having a perfectly fine day and in a good mood, and this song comes on and BOOM...so many memories. Literally tearing you heart and...
Ive always appreciated big, fat butts :) Love to watch them shake when she walks. Even better in tight yoga pants.
Remember when we use to be
Everything they ever need
We had them believing we were cool
It's like it happened over night
We're always wrong, they're always right
We use to be the...
“I hate small talks.
I wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, faraway galaxies, the lies you’ve told, your flaws, your favorite scents...
People who have made it in business generally surround themselves with successful people. Successful people help and steer you to become the best person you can be in business and...
I have just got home to find a guy in my hallway. Who are you and how did you get in?
I'm a locksmith and I'm a locksmith
How do I tell if I have run out if invisible ink
I feel like having a meaningful conversation but don't know how to start one. Let's talk :)
put that on Everything by Brandy...i love her
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun.
I have never been able to make out the numbers.
Riders on the storm
Into this house we're born
Into this world we're thrown
Like a dog without a bone
An actor out on loan
Riders on the storm
There's a killer on the road
Why do stores that are open 24/7 have locks on their doors?
Listening to funny people is such a relief. It makes a change from listening to people telling you how amazing they are!
I recently had a work-related class. After passing the test, I was to go up front and get a certification card. The girl handing out the cards was probably in her mid 20s, blonde...
I have some big dolls, they were hard to find at first and none of them seem to be what I was looking for.
Till I found two beautiful dolls, when I brought them home they weren't...
i have a beard! get compliments all the time ;)
It helps get the day go by.
A rough childhood can make you develop a sense of humor. I was kidnapped once. I was walking down the road a car pulled up and the driver asked me if I wanted to get into his car...