Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Like This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40 People

    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    an old Man and woman hate each other

    but stay married for years. During their shouting fights, he constantly warns "if I die first, I'll make sure I dig up out the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life." One day, he abruptly dies. After the funeral, the wife immediately goes to the local bar to party. her...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F Sep 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ha Ha!

    This is way too long for a stoner joke but I thought it was super cute.     A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: "Hey Koala, what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint...
    mefirstGIMME mefirstGIMME 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cute

    SENIOR DATING Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.     Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.' Edna: 'Well, I...
    jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321 46-50, F 9 Responses Mar 30, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Monkees

    A man took two monkees to the taxidermist. Taxidermist said,"Do you want them mounted?" Man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."  
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 30, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Related Experiences

    A man walks into a bakery. There is a sign on the wall stating that all individual cakes cost 50 cents. "How much is that Battenberg", asks the man. "50 cents", replies the baker...
    bethturner bethturner 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I got a couple jokes today so hear I go why was everybody waving there hand my buddy said I said I poopted he said aww gross ::) another why are u so lazy Rick he said I don't like...
    spygro spygro 13-15, M Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I flattened your cat Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Golden Words 1. "If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel" 2. "Listening to wife is like reading the...
    1990arjun 1990arjun 22-25, M Apr 14

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Handling teens A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 16

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Abnormal English? Okay, this is a true story. When my girls were pre-schoolers I bought them a Harry Potter video game, complete with dialogue. As they played the game, my daughter...
    BadPam BadPam 56-60, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    John Smith witnessed a mugging. About an hour later, the cops arrived, and the officer in charge asked the witness his name. "John Smith," said Smith. "Cut the funny business," the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    School Report Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy. “Isn't there a movie about...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I bought an automatic air freshener and that damn things scares the **** out of me Sounds like a ghost sneezing
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Stop Me If You've Heard This One! A Trappist monk was approached by his Father Superior, who said, "Now that you've been here ten years, you may break your vow of silence and tell...
    BadPam BadPam 56-60, F 1 Response Apr 15

    Your Response

    Cancel
    How do some people wake up flawless?? When I wake up I look like I have done every drug on the planet
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    May I Borrow Your Dog For A Few Days? It's for my mother-in-law," explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, "My...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Q: Did you know that they had automobiles in Jesus’ time? A: Yes, the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm so deep in the closet that I found narnia.
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 3 Responses Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Jerry reluctantly agreed to play in the club’s annual couples alternate-shot tournament with his wife, Suzy. He teed off on the first hole and blistered a drive 300 yards down...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    "I'm here to check your piano", said the tuner, standing out on the doorstep. - "But we didn't call for anyone to do that," said the pianist, confused. - "Actually," said the tuner...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 28

    Your Response

    Cancel
    If a car travels at the speed of light and turns on its headlights, what would happen to the light?
    Laffa Laffa 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A lady walked into a boutique and asked the sales lady "May I try on that cute dress in the window?" The sales lady replied; "Sure, but wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A major passes a private standing at the side of the road with a penguin on a leash. "Take that penguin to the zoo", he orders the soldier, before driving off. Later that day he...
    bethturner bethturner 26-30, F 5 Responses Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
    MidnightMasquerade MidnightMasquerade 22-25, F Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Two hikers come across a cabin in the middle of the woods. the 100 people in the cabin are all dead. how did they die?
    Themias Themias 13-15, M 2 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Senior Tax Return I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the IRS. It puzzles me! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel
    10 fun fact you should know lol
    paulosgood38 paulosgood38 36-40, M Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Indian man on his death bed, "Sangita, my wife, are you here?" "Yes dear, she replies." He then asks, "Priya, Hakim, my children, are you here ?" "Yes, papa." They both reply...
    AcousticAnne1 AcousticAnne1 26-30, F 1 Response Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Apr 4

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    I tried being polyamorous, but gave it up because I couldn't get any sleep. The constant squawking of the parrots was unbearable.
    TakingStock TakingStock 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Bargaining Parrot Ronnie goes to the auction. He notices a parrot that was on auction. Ronnie decides to bid for it and so Ronnie starts off with 50 Dollars. Auctioneer: 50...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 7

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 8

    Your Response

    Cancel
    A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The...
    jopava jopava 56-60, M Apr 9

    Your Response

    Cancel
    You can't make everyone happy, You aren't a jar of Nutella
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M Apr 9