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    Two Monkees

    A man took two monkees to the taxidermist. Taxidermist said,"Do you want them mounted?" Man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."  
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    Ha Ha!

    This is way too long for a stoner joke but I thought it was super cute.     A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: "Hey Koala, what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint...
    mefirstGIMME mefirstGIMME 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2008

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

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    Cute

    SENIOR DATING Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.     Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.' Edna: 'Well, I...
    jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321 46-50, F 9 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    i like jokes so please inbox me if you have some :)
    mahdiraza mahdiraza 16-17, M Aug 17

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    Another Good Joke...ha ha ha ha ha A man was driving a car ... A fat lady on a scooty overtook him !! Man shouted : "Hey Buffalo" Lady turned back and shouted : "You donkey...
    satyr1007 satyr1007 26-30, M 1 Response Aug 20

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    I said...I really mean... THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 Responses a week ago

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    Q: How are men like lava lamps? A: They're fun to look at, but not that bright.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 4

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    Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 11

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    Things to do in the office when you're bored Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?... Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 15

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    The Old Lady & the Cashier A little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 15

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    50 things to do at Walmart 1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those little electronic cars at the...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 15

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    Q: Why are people like a box of chocolates? A: Some have nuts and some don't!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 17

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    Genie and the Beer Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    Letter Written Slow A LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER Dear Louanne Ellie Mae, I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Aug 24

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    Unengaged Brain PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE SPEAKING Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses Aug 24

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    The perfect man poem. The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean. The perfect man likes children And will raise...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response a week ago

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    What men say & what it "really means"! "I'm going fishing." Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F a week ago

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    Things learned from children... Some things I've learned from my children: Super glue "is" forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F a week ago

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    Way to have FUN while shopping! Have some fun on your next shopping trip, try these... Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "Pick Me...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response a week ago

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    A wife was busy frying eggs when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling. "Careful...CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Turn them! TURN...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 2

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    What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival? The roller ghosted.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 3

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    A little girl was playing in the park, when a kindly old lady started talking to her. "And do you go to school?" she asked. "No," was the sulky answer , "I'm sent!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 4

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    Riddle: Two men went into a restaurant. They sat at a table and the waiter came by and asked, "What do you want to drink?" The first man said, "I'll have H20." The second man...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Aug 5

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    Riddle: What is it that no man wants, but no man wants to lose?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 5

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    Riddle: It turns into a different story. What is it?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 5

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    Hahaha whatever see photo xx
    Totalnothing Totalnothing 16-17, F Aug 6

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    Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?" "No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 6

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    Railroad A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 7

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    Great News For Bill Gates Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 7

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    A: What do you get when you play country music backwards? A: You get back your wife, your dog, your truck...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 7

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    Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night. DR: take this tablet you will be ok. Sardar: Can I take tomorrow? Doctor: why ? Sardar: because, tonight is final game. Lol
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M Aug 10

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    For Indians only !!! Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho. Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu. Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai. Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata Hahaha...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response Aug 10

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    Three old couples were having tea one fine day. They were all chatting when one of the men, trying to get a chuckle, said to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey!" which got a big...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 10

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    Good News A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat... Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today" Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    May Joe R.I.P. Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 11

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    Why do women fart after they take a pee? They can't shake it, so they blow it dry.
    Anth9012 Anth9012 22-25, M Aug 12

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    A Short History Of Medicine "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 12

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    Drunk A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says, "You have to take a Breathalyzer test." The guy says, "I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 15

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    "Grr?" I think I just found Aslan. Peace,Brotha ✌️
    Totalnothing Totalnothing 16-17, F Aug 16

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    A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 16

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    The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 16

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    The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 17

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    How to get out of anext speeding ticket! A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 18

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    The Laws of Work... The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Aug 18

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