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I Like This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40 People

    Cute

    SENIOR DATING Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.     Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.' Edna: 'Well, I...
    jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321 46-50, F 9 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

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    an old Man and woman hate each other

    but stay married for years. During their shouting fights, he constantly warns "if I die first, I'll make sure I dig up out the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life." One day, he abruptly dies. After the funeral, the wife immediately goes to the local bar to party. her...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F Sep 21, 2014

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    Two Monkees

    A man took two monkees to the taxidermist. Taxidermist said,"Do you want them mounted?" Man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."  
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    Ha Ha!

    This is way too long for a stoner joke but I thought it was super cute.     A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: "Hey Koala, what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint...
    mefirstGIMME mefirstGIMME 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2008

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    Related Experiences

    Ever since my dad told me one of his dad jokes, I loved hearing and telling jokes and riddles. Thanks, dad
    aprisonerofazkaban aprisonerofazkaban 22-25, F 1 hr ago

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    When right and wrong hangs in the balance, when grave measures have to be taken, you call the man who knows all the angles. This summer he will fix the problems you can't handle...
    Redivivus Redivivus 26-30, M 2 hrs ago

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    This time there are no prophecies. This time his parents died for nothing. This time... he has to make his own choices. Coming soon to a theatre near you... HARRY POTTER AND THE...
    Redivivus Redivivus 26-30, M 2 hrs ago

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    I hope this one makes it pass the EP censors. A traveling salesman is seated next to an attractive young lady on an international flight. He nonchalantly turned to her and says...
    Solitaireman Solitaireman 51-55, M 6 hrs ago

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    Worrying is stupid, it's like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.
    jyjyb jyjyb 18-21, F 7 hrs ago

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    These are my favorite I found on the internet and I would give them credit but I forget a name of that site. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet. You kill...
    Ariamis Ariamis 18-21, M 7 hrs ago

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    If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 10 hrs ago

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    A telephone rang, and someone picked it up. A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444 44?" "Yes," came the reply. "Could you call 911? My finger is stuck on the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    What do sex gods eat for breakfast?
    kmf456 kmf456 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Girl comes home late Dad: where were u? Are u aware of the time? Girl: dad they raped me!! Dad: they raped for an hour where were u the rest of the time?!
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Q: What goes Moof? A: A cow with buck teeth. Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2015/06/23/
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here. The 1st guy...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said...
    lasergraph lasergraph 61-65, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    George W. Bush and his VP running mate, **** Cheney, were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb jokes people tell about me." Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 5 days ago

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    Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    A father and his daughter were in a crowded elevator. Suddenly a woman near them turned around and slapped that father in the face then stormed off at the next stop. His daughter...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow." Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks. The barber replies with a...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks. The barber replies with a...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up. St Peter says "I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn't cause...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 a week ago

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    A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    A new patient was quite upset when the doctor’s nurse led him to a small, curtained cubicle and told him to undress. "But I only want the doctor to look at an ingrown toenail...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jun 19

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    A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 18

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    This guy, caught up in the fitness craze, joined a club that offered a reasonably priced membership. Not surprisingly, he never went after the first month. Even so, a year later he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 17

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    A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 17

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    What do you call it when you shoot a gun in space? A Big Bang1"
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Jun 17

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    Play a Game One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe it. The first person to get...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 16

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    An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 15

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    An old, stingy man was dying and was determined to prove wrong the old saying; "You can't take it with you." He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 15

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    Everything in my life ends up failing. My parents devorced, I ended up in farm house parents said I wasnt allowed anything or anyone. Everytime I gain something better I hear I'm...
    jnasna jnasna 26-30, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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