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I Like This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 39 People

    Cute

    SENIOR DATING Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.     Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.' Edna: 'Well, I...
    jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321 46-50, F 9 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

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    Ha Ha!

    This is way too long for a stoner joke but I thought it was super cute.     A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: "Hey Koala, what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint...
    mefirstGIMME mefirstGIMME 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2008

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    Two Monkees

    A man took two monkees to the taxidermist. Taxidermist said,"Do you want them mounted?" Man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."  
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    an old Man and woman hate each other

    but stay married for years. During their shouting fights, he constantly warns "if I die first, I'll make sure I dig up out the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life." One day, he abruptly dies. After the funeral, the wife immediately goes to the local bar to party. her...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F Sep 21, 2014

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    Related Experiences

    Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on. That night, when the...
    vrooomm vrooomm 31-35, M 4 hrs ago

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    u people.dont get it for **** can u guys wake up u ante ******* anyone so get ur *** up and go **** urself if suiside is a joke for u we guess wat **** all yall this ante no damn...
    love071902 love071902 13-15, F 1 day ago

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    A good marriage is all about give and take he gives the money and she takes it
    BrynDavid BrynDavid 31-35, M 2 days ago

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    Seniors Banking... PRICELESS!! This is not a joke but is a brilliant laugh. ENJOY HERE is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I tell jokes and tend to have a lot of fun but these times of good humor and fun are often followed by lows and self doubt. I feel insecure and lonely even when surrounded by...
    Tox1979 Tox1979 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. Also apparently...
    IBelongToAlison IBelongToAlison 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Another Irish joke and riddle. I so love the father's reaction.   
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Obviously the ones who casted Leto as the joker don't. I'm sure there are many talented actors who can be a convincing Joker Leto?? WTF. And I thought casting Affleck as Batman was...
    FrostyElsie FrostyElsie 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    Santa is a Woman I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    Boy: wanna here a joke about my penis?..never mind,it's too long ;) Girl: wanna hear a joke about my vagina?..doesnt matter,you'll never get it.
    Rachel282 Rachel282 18-21, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Fat FeetYo Mamma's so far, a friend showed her a picture of her feet.She didn't recognize them.Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/jokes-archive/2015/07/22/
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Voice acting is one of the few things that can really get me truly excited! I just love being able to sound like any kind of person I could ever imagine! I play games online, and...
    LordNexus78 LordNexus78 13-15, M Jul 23

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    Suicide is something that usually occurs because someone doesn't see a light at the end of a long dark tunnel and sometimes if you don't do anything about these thoughts, they will...
    GlitterFawn18 GlitterFawn18 13-15, F Jul 22

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    So I have a joke.. Sort of, depending on your level of tolerance. What does a ginger say before they shave their privates?
    TheAmazinglyAwkwardSpiderJoe1 TheAmazinglyAwkwardSpiderJoe1 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 21

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    my life is one big joke my dad is putting me in to summer school next week till they come back from from spain and i don't want to go i want to stay at home with my brother he is...
    roseonesex roseonesex 13-15, F Jul 21

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    Did you hear about the two explorers, Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them? Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M Jul 21

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    "I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The rabbi was getting ready to ask for...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 20

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    My mother went on a drive two nights ago not planning on returning home. She took a gun to her head and tried to kill herself but couldn't go through with it. My family's way of...
    ComplicatedGirl18 ComplicatedGirl18 18-21, F 5 Responses Jul 20

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    Q: Did you hear about the cannibals that attended the wedding? A: They toasted the bride and groom.
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M Jul 20

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    this ones pretty dirty, but still funny. A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair. "Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can...
    paelias paelias 18-21, M 1 Response Jul 20

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    I don't find it funny at all when people lie about being raped or joke about it. It gets me so aggravated.
    SaffronJade SaffronJade 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 19

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    Police were called to an apartment and found a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks "Ma'am, is that your husband?" She sobs yes. "Did you...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 19

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    This joke is becoming a classic. It first appeared in 2009 and has appeared four more times on EP. To those who haven't read it..... Enjoy. Lawyers should never ask a Georgia...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses Jul 19

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    I love this old joke! An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose, as the...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses Jul 18

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    The Police Academy Three guys, a Polish guy, a Jewish guy and an Italian guy sign up for the police academy. The Jewish guy goes in first and the Captain says to him, "We have to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 17

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    You Fool A pastor was opening his mail one morning and one envelope had only a single sheet of paper with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!” The following Sunday the priest...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 17

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    I heard this joke on the radio today..... Do you know the similarity between a Labrador and a very nearsighted gynecologist? They both have a wet nose!
    whoizzupdude whoizzupdude 46-50, M 2 Responses Jul 17

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    I think i must be suffering from amnesia cos i don't remember asking for you ******* stupid *** opinion
    BrynDavid BrynDavid 31-35, M Jul 17

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    Impractical jokers is life
    preston272 preston272 16-17, M Jul 17

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    Biblical Babysitter Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath into a very deep sleep.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 16

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    Man go's to court on 5 counts of speeding the judge asks do you have any thing to say the man says yes it only one count off speeding, The judge says you were caught in five...
    BrynDavid BrynDavid 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 16

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    A man walks up to guy in the street asks him excuse me sure i doing a quiz survey If three falls in the wood and there no one around to hear do's the tree really fall the guy pause...
    BrynDavid BrynDavid 31-35, M 1 Response Jul 16

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    Cookie Monster A woman went into a restaurant for lunch, and noticed that the kitchen had a big window in front of it so that people can watch the chef prepare the food. As she...
    BadPam BadPam 56-60, F 5 Responses Jul 16

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    Can you name a 9 letter word which will form new word everytime you remove a letter from the word. You can remove up to 8 letters. What's is the word and what's the new word formed...
    logen88 logen88 26-30, M Jul 16

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    The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 15

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