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I Like This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 41 People

    an old Man and woman hate each other

    but stay married for years. During their shouting fights, he constantly warns "if I die first, I'll make sure I dig up out the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life." One day, he abruptly dies. After the funeral, the wife immediately goes to the local bar to party. her...
    ajrestless ajrestless 22-25, F Sep 21, 2014

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    Cute

    SENIOR DATING Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.     Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.' Edna: 'Well, I...
    jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321 46-50, F 9 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    Ha Ha!

    This is way too long for a stoner joke but I thought it was super cute.     A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past, looks up and says: "Hey Koala, what are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint...
    mefirstGIMME mefirstGIMME 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 31, 2008

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Oct 20, 2012

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    Two Monkees

    A man took two monkees to the taxidermist. Taxidermist said,"Do you want them mounted?" Man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."  
    retiredfather retiredfather 61-65, M 3 Responses Mar 30, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    i heard this one on a cartoon. so a lady goes to the doctors office and the doctor said "well ma'am i have bad news and horrible news" the lady replied "oh dear" the doctor said...
    dlperson dlperson 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 15

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    Airport Jokes Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 days ago

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    “The joke backfired, but it fired back again.”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I love to laugh so if you can tell me a funny joke whether it's cheesy or just down right nasty.....if it hits me in a funny way then I'll be laughing!
    AvaDay AvaDay 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    MAIL FROM AN ARAB STUDENT TO HIS DAD Dear Dad Sydney is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold...
    om2013 om2013 22-25, M 1 Response Dec 30, 2014

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    An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    This is a good one. Why is Charlie Hebdo written in French? Answer below
    3xUtnapishtim7 3xUtnapishtim7 26-30 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 26, 2014

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    Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic. Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate clauses
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Dec 26, 2014

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    Salty Water Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 26, 2014

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    Why Men Are Just Happier People! What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all theirs. Wedding plans take care of themselves...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 11 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    I got a sweater for Christmas, but I wanted a screamer or a moaner!!!!!!
    extant1 extant1 51-55, M 3 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 5 Responses Dec 30, 2014

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    CDC ALERT! The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even...
    theMindofAwesome theMindofAwesome 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 4

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    One day a man called the church office and said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who? The caller...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 4

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    A cop pulls a young guy over: "Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid. "Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop. Yup, but I didn't see you!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 5

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    Half drunk A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him: "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies: "I'm...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 5

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    I'm booooored!!!! some one make me not bored and I will reward you
    Bonjovi11 Bonjovi11 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 6

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    Can you spell that? Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

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    Ok your the bus driver twenty people get on your bus at the first stop six of those people get off while two more people get on. At the next stop three people get off and one...
    Bonjovi11 Bonjovi11 13-15, M 2 Responses Jan 8

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    because its easier for me to tell my feelings without being caught.. especially to someone.. :(
    shinju03 shinju03 22-25, F Jan 8

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    I have a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in an Ace...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 10

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    Harry came home from Sunday school and asked his mother, "Do people really come from dust?" "In a way yes," said his mother. "And do they go back to dust?" "Yes, in a way." She...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jan 10

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    Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. "Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied. "Put means to place a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 14

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    Q: Why did the blond climb the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read, "Say It With Flowers." "Wrap up one rose," he told the florist. "Only one?" the florist asked. "Just...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Make me laugh .-. (pls) (I'm bored)
    Bonjovi11 Bonjovi11 13-15, M 4 days ago

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    😊 How to keep wife happy . . . .! It's really not difficult to make a wife happy. A husband only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a...
    adiscorpion41 adiscorpion41 22-25, M 38 Responses 4 days ago

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    An 80-year-old man is having his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an 18-year-old bride who's pregnant and...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    TV Dinner You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 days ago

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    One-Liners Q: What did a team of doctors studying Nicole Richie's eating habits conclude? A: She should eat foods rather than cocaine and vodka! Q: Why isn't Nicole Richie...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Three Nurses Three nurses died at the same time & went to heaven where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. To the first, he asked, "What did you do on Earth and why...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 days ago

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    A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 3 days ago

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    A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank... Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The customer replies, "YES...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    As I was taking a walk with my daughter one day, I noticed something green in her hair. To my disbelief I pulled out a piece of lettuce from her hair. “Whoa!” she exclaimed...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    CAKE OR BED A husband is at home watching a football match when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway, it has been flickering for weeks now?" He...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I always get my coffee from the same place. I always say I'm off to see my bf. He is the guy who is always there and whenever he see's me he will tell the other staff he can do it...
    Ana8939 Ana8939 22-25, F 10 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    *insert corny joke* I tried to grab the fog, but I mist...
    sakari101 sakari101 13-15, F 2 hrs ago

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