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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,268 People

    Interesting advice column letter from a woman

    who could have chosen to be a refuser. While I think she could have looked for ways (lubricants, HRT, enjoying giving pleasure to her husband) to make having sex not a chore, at least she cared enough about her husband to have weekly sex with him. "Dear Annie: I read the...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    It would be so much easier

    if I slept through the night. 2am is so quiet and my brain just spins like a hamster wheel....
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    An inspirational Oprah Winfrey quote

    for those in miserable sexless marriages: "“You are responsible for your life,” Winfrey says. “And if you’re sitting around waiting on somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time, because only you have the power to take responsibility...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 47 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I finally asked my husband to leave today.

    I'm so scared. But so relieved.
    FabulousGirl FabulousGirl 31-35, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Things have gotten better

    but it doesn't matter. I have come to the realization that this marriage will be a life long game of "tug of war". I had to pull pretty damn hard to get her to budge. She's good at this game and I'm already tired of playing. I can't imagine pulling like this my whole life...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    Am I crazy? Here's what happened at my house.

    I'm gaining weight (on purpose) and my size 2 skirt is getting too tight. My husband "Moos" like a cow as I walk through the living room, like he's done for several years. For the first time ever, I told him to knock it off and I told him how it damages me, etc. etc. Therapy...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 30 Responses 4 days ago

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    Hey SM buddies Have you ever wondered

    whether any ILIASMers are in your daily life without you knowing?!
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 13 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 10 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    BEWARE OF ONLINE PREDATORS: This is probably

    not the best place to bring this up but, I do know that there are a lot of people here that are in sexless marriages and are vulnerable because of their situations. We have seen the countless trolls on this site, and we all know how annoying they are. But there is also a risk...
    CaptainRum CaptainRum 51-55, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I'm 23 live my boyfriend,

    but we haven't had sex for a year. We've been together since high school so I can't remember a life without him. I don't know what to do...
    jkp661 jkp661 22-25, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    It's amazing what happens

    when you move out of your bedroom entirely, refuse your slave services by not cooking or doing his laundry, and making a concerted effort to not call him "babe". Nary a "darlin'" has crossed my lips either. Pretty stinking proud of myself as old habits - many, many habits - die...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Thinking today. Was there a single,

    shining moment of clarity for you in the days of "bacon scented candles" when you suddenly realized that it wasn't just a ebb, a low point, a speed bump... But something much more terrible? I remember a time after the birth of our daughter. I had orchestrated her baby sleep...
    BeguiledCinderella BeguiledCinderella 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    tessaccaa tessaccaa 26-30, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    chavacc11 chavacc11 26-30, F 14 mins ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 38 Responses Mar 31

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I love surprising my refuser!

    Lately, I have been setting little traps here and there for my husband who is retired for a year now. I think it has been 10 years since no sex. Maybe 9. There is no hope anyway. But this does not mean I cannot have fun. Especially, watching him struggle with my sexuality...
    Fmina Fmina 51-55, F 37 Responses 4 days ago

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    I stumbled onto this song

    when I bought an Eagles album recently. I had never heard this particular song by them, and thought a lot of us here in ILIASM could relate to it. It describes the struggle of what to do after the marriage dies and how to move forward. It certainly struck a nerve with me as I...
    greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72 41-45, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    I wonder how many of us sleep on the couch?

    . We werent the refusers to begin with but have become increasingly fed up with the pretense of sharing sides on the totally unused except for sleep bed. The couch is as good as the left side of the bed with the added advantage I can stay up late on my tablet without the light...
    lass1 lass1 41-45, F 31 Responses 5 days ago

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    I am unsatisfied with my life.

    I love my kids. My job is getting better. I'm going to the gym and getting in shape but still... the lack of intimacy, and sex is killing me. Driving me to do bad things. Moving towards a decision but I don't know how I'll be strong enough to make it or how I'll live with...
    mousergoodwin mousergoodwin 41-45, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    My big fat stupid wedding.

    We actually didn't have a wedding but I just couldn't resist the wordplay. Ours was an impecunious civil marriage ceremony, 1st because I was pregnant and couldn't fit nicely in a wedding gown anymore and 2nd we couldn't afford the big party. As someone who took pride in being...
    neeia neeia 36-40, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Anyone heard of The Forum?

    I mentioned "the forum" (EP) in the Ray tonight and the therapist asked "are you in the Forum?" Anyone know what she is talking about? (I don't like to name EP as I don't want to be followed here)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Back on August 8th 2014,

    the following 30 members contributed stories between the end of July 2014, and August 8th. (the original story is on 8th August 2014 if you want to have a look) mrinvader, coffeeflavouredkisses, SarahAnn46, CandyMaker, braverthanIthink, katslaw, lycheechan, enlightenyoursoul...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 9 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    My wife had breast cancer several years ago.

    Since that time, she has been on anti-hormone therapy, which put her into menopause. Because, she can't have hormones, she has no sex drive. We live together, we're good friends, and companions. Lately, even that is fading. We talk less and less. See each other less and...
    greggo2 greggo2 46-50 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 165 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    “But I Can Do Better” (the

    refuser’s plea)The STBX had been very accepting the first week (maybe even two) after The Talk. Pledging aloud “I want you to be happy” and ruing that happiness means without him rather than with him. Then it happened last week and he came out with his: What if...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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