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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 46,655 People

    I've been reading lots of different stories

    here on EP which made me realize that I need to ask my husband straight the basic question "What is wrong? Why don't we have any intimacy?" So I did yesterday. The response I got was "I am very bitter tired man. I am not angry or upset with you. This is just how I feel"... And...
    anet99 anet99 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 hr ago

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    My wife and I have been married

    for 13 years, together for 16 years. We love each other dearly and share many fundamental values. We have two great children under ten. We have a lovely house and lifestyle. We love spending time as a family and enjoy each others company. We have had problems with lack of...
    1100R 1100R 41-45, M 14 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    For those staying in miserable sexless

    marriages "for the sake of the kids": "On Monday, one Redditor grappling with that very question went straight to the source, asking those on the site with divorced parents to weigh in. "There is no abuse, but there is no love, either," the father of two said of his 10-year...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So, I'm angry today,

    but I won't go into that. I just wanted to tell y'all, guidance comes in odd places. I have read the book "Eat, Pray, Love" in a whole other place in my life. I'd forgotten about it, but my friend recommended I read it again. The lady who wrote it had the EXACT same experience...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 44 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Miguel1987 Miguel1987 26-30, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 51 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Rejection Hurts.

    I've been reading some research work on the mental and physical reactions to various forms of social rejection (of course, with the normal caveats of avoiding correlation equals causation etc). For anyone who's interested in the science, I can post references. I believe this is...
    hl42 hl42 51-55, M 30 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 38 Responses Dec 2, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 75 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 25 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    There are many instances of people here,

    especially newbies, claiming that everything is good but the sex. I have even said it myself . But we all know that sex is far from the only thing that's missing. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that sex isn't even the biggest thing that's missing. Those making...
    SuntObosit SuntObosit 56-60, M 8 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    "You'll never leave where you are,

    until you decide where you want to be." Saw this on a sign today and it seems to sum up my position. I saw my trusted counselor last week that I have seen on and off for the last 13 years. She is an awesome lady and has treated me independently as well as performing couples...
    tresses tresses 36-40, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 62 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 32 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Another thing I want to post about is how being

    in this situation has affected every other facet of my life. Workwise - I get tired v easily and can't give 100% as I'm so distracted. I avoid seeing friends too much as it is too exhausting to act like everything is normal. And with my family, I am short with them as it's the...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 37 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I got an email from my very religious

    sister-in-law. She and my brother have offered to bring me back to the States to stay if I were to wish to leave him, but as I told them both, it might be better to accept that I have a less than terrific marriage and try to find my happiness in life from other sources. And...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 10 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I'm a little bit tired of sexlessness

    one-up-manship that's been taking place in this forum recently. We haven't had sex in 15 months.... Reply: that's nothing We've had sex maybe 20 times in the last 24 months: Reply: that's not even sexless I haven't had sex with my husband in over 2 and a half years. This is...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 22 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I'm coming up on 29 years of marriage.

    I thought things were odd when she refused me on our wedding night, but it really was an omen of things to come. Suffice it to say it has been less than once a year over nearly 3 decades. Professional help and counseling have been repeatedly refused. I don't believe in divorce...
    TranquilBeaches TranquilBeaches 56-60, M 30 Responses 3 days ago

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    Just sent message to a local attorney

    requesting an initial consult. Maybe I'll be bothered by all this later but right now, I just don't feel anything.
    intoodeepat35 intoodeepat35 70+, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    azan24 azan24 13-15, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 26 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I discovered this board about a week ago,

    by chance, and by reading the many posts surrounding this issue, it's been an eye-opener to say the least, and not just because I now know it's not just me, or even just a few people, but many. I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for 5. We have two children (10 & 7...
    copperdoodle copperdoodle 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    I don't know if my story is the same,

    or different...some of us know nothing and everything about the reasons why we're here. I'm in my mid 30's, my husband is 50ish. We've been together 4 years and were recently married. Our problem started 3 months into our relationship, but I've always hoped that things would...
    DichotomyInMotion DichotomyInMotion 36-40, F 11 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 40 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Does anyone really leave this group without

    leaving the marriage? I don't think its possible, interested to hear opinions. Thanks.
    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well it's been about 2 months

    since I last wrote about my little "situation". Unfortunately, not much has changed. I mean I could say that it's possibly a good thing because my life hasn't gotten any worse but that would be a ridiculous sentiment. Nine months now without sex and other than a peck on the lips...
    iDntCurr iDntCurr 22-25, F 20 Responses 2 days ago

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    One of the worst things about this situation is

    that I haven't had the courage to tell people about the hell I am in. I am simply too ashamed that (as one poster on here put it) the one person I am supposed to have sex with simply doesn't. I know that rationally I am attractive and it's got nothing to do with me - this is his...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    I always have to initiate sex.

    This gets really old really fast. At first I liked it because I felt empowered, but after a while I wanted to be seduced. I like to feel sexy and wanted. I love my husband and find him extremely attractive. I need him to see the importance of him starting our intimate moments.
    Gkl88 Gkl88 22-25, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 68 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I love my wife - except she has no sex drive.

    It's been almost 15 months since we had sex. I know she would have sex with me if I initiated it but I'm tired of always feeling like I'm begging for it. It's more than just a sexless marriage...it's mostly a loveless marriage. I don't feel loved or appreciated. I stay because...
    clhockey5779 clhockey5779 31-35, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 154 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    So what's the big deal?

    ! If you are not satisfied, why did you get married then?!
    IvyHunt IvyHunt 18-21, F 28 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 291 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Illusions That Kept Me Trapped in Sexless

    Marriage If you read my first EP story, you will get the impression that the sexlessness started with the conception of my child 4 years back, after a decade of a happy marriage. Little by little, as I worked on my marriage, and then my divorce, I unraveled the truth that I...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    I always wondered if there was an article such

    as this and I recently came across this article. It made perfect sense to me. Hope it helps all of you... xxxx Read it and let me know what you think http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201303/couples-men-women-have-different-sexual-libido-sex-number
    saltyorsweet saltyorsweet 31-35, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 56 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 547 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 33 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 36 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 63 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Lexus45 Lexus45 41-45, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Ive been married for 13 y.

    And Ive been living in a sexless marriage for the past 4 or 5 maybe more. We have three kids and there was always an excuse for not having sex with pregnancies, breastfeeding, headaches, etc. About 5 months ago Ive told her that our marriage was a lie. We didn't have any...
    aking1973 aking1973 41-45, M 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 181 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I'm having to live like this it's not fair !

    I want to be loved and desired to. My marriage sucks . Everything is about him or his son I've helped raise . I want out but don't know where to start things have been such a mess for so long I'm scared . I have a big heart and really care abt others enjoy loving and being loved...
    miszbama38 miszbama38 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why meet others? A short

    while ago, someone wrote a story about ILIASM meetups. At the time, Mettamomma asked me what I got out of meeting people from ILIASM IRL that I could get out of a forum. I never answered, so I thought I'd answer here. I've been to meetups in three cities. None of these meetups...
    zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    I always see advice from people on this board

    that one should seek legal counsel before they begin the journey towards ending their....well I guess legally it's termed a marriage. My question for the group is what if any true concrete advantages do you get by doing so? Are there "things" for example that you can do before...
    demisis demisis 36-40, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 280 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 51 Responses Nov 18, 2012