Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,314 People

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    After a year of being on here,

    I just had to post about how beautiful all of the women are in the ILIASM group!  Every photo I've seen since I've been a part of this group shows beautiful women that are attractive in many ways!  I know (and everyone knows from my stories) that outer beauty is not...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 10 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I filed for divorce at the beginning of summer

    & it saved my life. Literally... The feelings of doom & despair have been lifted. It's tough on some days but nothing compared to the daily walking on egg shells & constant rejection I felt in my marriage. My EX is already living with another woman & from what I hear he has...
    gracehopepeace gracehopepeace 31-35, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The wife has been away on business

    for a few days and came home tonight. Part of me wanted to welcome her home with a hug and a kiss. But, I just could not bring myself to do it. Then I heard her say to my daughter that she had tomorrow off and a feeling of cold dread came over me. I do not look forward to a...
    Snowman12345 Snowman12345 56-60, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Since I started posting here everything has

    changed. W has declared she will no longer work at improving our physical relationship and that I should feel free to seek that type of gratification elsewhere. This should be a huge relief to me as I really believe this is the best arrangement we could have right now. Instead...
    RandomPrecision RandomPrecision 46-50, M 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am feeling lost, or losing a part of myself.

    I love my husband, and he loves me. But we have not had sex for 4 years. We actually are a very good team, we work together, we built a company together, we have been living together for 6 years. There is quite an age difference between us, 15 years. At the beginning of the...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife had her physical today.

    Got a full thyroid panel, checking hormone levels too (although doc said not to be concerned about her still lactating until she is a year out from stopping breastfeeding). Biggest thing though was switching her from Lexapro to Wellbutrin - wife said that she explained to her...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 7 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Multiple meeting with attorneys today.

    The top 5 in my area. Knowledge is power. Not going to be caught by surprise.
    CravingSomething CravingSomething 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just another day. Reading some of the other

    articles here and I've noticed that I am certainly not as bad off as a lot of people. I was going to list them but to be honest unless I rewrote it 200x I'd probably word it wrong. So on the whole initiation thing she's mainly on the not gonna side but on the rare (very rare...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sex and the City.... How.

    ..Quite old actually,checked it started in 1998... I watched some episodes a while ago, but now have the whole collection, so having my laugh with the girls every evening...For me (as a European) the characters look so quintessentially American - emancipated, sexually liberated...
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 3 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I love God. I love God's Word.

    However, I am still a human with human needs & desires that have NEVER been met by my spouse in over 10 plus years of us being married. I have given him so much of me to where I have nothing left to give. I have tried everything you can think of. He has literally gone over 10...
    herlivingspirit35 herlivingspirit35 31-35, F 22 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just an Update As my husband deleted my prior

    account, EinEngel, thinking Experience Project was an affair website (laughable but sad), I will summarize my past for the newbies: 1. Married at age 37 to a German 13 years my senior. 2. Two years into the marriage, the sex dissipated and his drinking problem ensued. This bad...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 11 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Peace.. I felt it last night.

    It's been awhile since I've felt peace. Turmoil seems to fill its place most of the time. I can't wait to be peaceful again. It felt good! It was better then sex..just sayn.
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mine's not as bad as the title makes it sound,

    because life sometimes gets in the way. Okay, maybe that's a copout. Anyway, I used the search function under this title to find a friend I'd lost track of who used to post things on hers often. Narrowed it down to her age group, yet the results: More than 500 women in that...
    AsteroidBlues AsteroidBlues 36-40, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I can't believe it's been over 3

    years. Just wanted to get that out there and to let you know, that your not alone, I can't believe how many people are all in this same experience. So I suppose we are not alone, it is not us, it's our partners.
    carrieAberdeen carrieAberdeen 31-35, F 23 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Good-bye EP Friends! Hello to all members of

    this forum, but especially those whom I have come to know over the past two years. I am here to say goodbye. I am very grateful to this forum for the validation, kindness, advice, and even the love sometimes that I received while going through the most challenging event of...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 21 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cinderella's Step Sister.

    I've been in a relationship with a good, kind man for almost 14 years. I like him most of the time, I love him most of the time, and I hate him some of the time. We met when we were in our early 20s, and now, in our mid-30s, I'm not sure if there is a 'we' anymore. Of course...
    yrjkng yrjkng 36-40, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hubby and I off to a halloween party then a

    hotel. I'm taking my toys and expecting to play, but since he's become interested and I've become the refuser I'm just not into it. I should be thrilled and excited. I just want to get it over with.
    CountrySlicker CountrySlicker 51-55, F 1 Response 24 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Vacations...are frustrating.

    Going on vacations with a group of friends who constantly joke around about all the "vacation sex" they are having makes it even more frustrating.
    weather1 weather1 46-50 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, after my last post about my crappy week

    last week, I read and re-read HusbandOfOne's comment, the one about spending the next 20 years feeling the way I do in my marriage. First off, thank you HOO, whatever it was in that question sparked something in me. I owe you. I went in to this contemplative state, picturing my...
    driftingtiger driftingtiger 51-55, F 23 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What a lot of you don't know about me is that,

    in addition to a degree in journalism, I also have a degree in counseling. (I haven't used it - although I was a probation officer for a while - since years ago I got sidetracked into technical writing and that pays better.) What does that have to do with sexless marriage...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 30 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I went to my first separated

    and divorced group support meeting this week. Is nice to be around others that are going through this, especially people that are in different stages of the process. Men and women so you get different perspectives. Different ages, though most people were around my age. Everyone...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Maybe I just take things too personal.

    ... H and I were both off from work today. Our daughter was at school so I figured today would be a good day to "spend some time together". He was in the living room watching tv I went in there and announced to him u was getting a shower. Now one would think he would have taken...
    ADixie4You2Know ADixie4You2Know 36-40, F 56 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been married for 7 years

    and so lonely for most of them. I was blinded by the idea of family. Before we were married we had sex but honestly if I look back not very good sex, always felt forced by him. He was always selfish. Then our wedding night nothing and just got worse from there. For awhile I...
    Freespirithelp Freespirithelp 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am trying to come to terms with everything.

    My husband wants a sexless marriage. Why? Because he feels sex interferes with his spiritual progress. I have tried talking to him about Taoism and Tantra, but in reality he doesn't have much of a sex drive either anyway and he is quite content with that. I believe that is due...
    mairia mairia 26-30, F 10 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi good morning. I can sympathize with your

    feelings. In my own marriage after 25 years. There was no more sex. For two years. It began to build the wall in between us. My wife at the time. Was too busy with her career and work. And too tired. And then my youngest daughter was living with us at the time. Still lives with...
    sunney55 sunney55 46-50, M 57 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 144 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Into the AbyssSo, I arrive

    for the third counseling session.  The building is a bit run-down with a 70’s sort of vibe.  The parking situation is an odd combination of parking lot and garage with unnecessarily low clearance.  It really doesn’t improve the mood as dread has been...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    First bickering in 4 days: We have this

    retarded habit and I still don't understand it. She will say something to me and like a good conversationalist I will repeat it back in my own words to verify I have heard her right. She will pick on a detail and state I've got it wrong. So for the next 10 minutes we hash out...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel