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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,152 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    My iPhone constantly tries to autocorrect the

    word "wife" to "ride" when I am typing. I think it's a bit ironic that I never get to ride my wife even though my iPhone seems to think I do.
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 8 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    You Know Sometimes, The Only Thing You Can Do

    Is To Laugh at your Situation:I know the other side of this is that the truth just plain hurts! 
    Longrun Longrun 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    for those of you who read my last ILIASM post

    concerning sitting my wife down and letting her know that her little digs were tearing me apart piece by piece, you may recall that I DID actually explain things to her during a ride in our car. she was surprised and claimed not to realize that this was my view. But I do...
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Look what was in my Christmas cracker!

    A pertinent slight at my sexlessness or I read sex into everything. :-)
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    I've been with my husband for about 8 years married for 1 with a child. Before getting married we were like rabbits every time we saw each other but now, ever since I became pregnant and had the baby, he never wants to have sex. I'm in my mid 20s and trying to initiate. A few...
    Mro19 Mro19 22-25, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Maybe not for long. Over the years,

    I have let it be known that I am not happy with the marital situation. I asked if things could change. Apparently not. A few months ago, she told me that it seems as if I don't want to stay married to her. I gave her no argument. Well, after Jan. 1, it is supposed to happen...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    But for the last several months,

    not a sexless life. I met a person who became a FWB. She taught me that all women are not ice cubes. Later, I met someone who also was not an ice cube. She was also different, much different. She was also 19 years younger than me. I was worried how that big gap in ages...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I got some free time

    so I'll share this: I used to have a gf that bad HUGE boobs, but her butt was flat and she got too chubby for me - but the sex was fantastic. I later had another gf with the nicest booty I can imagine on a white girl. She had small, ugly boobs,but the sex was fantastic. Now...
    mrjordan13 mrjordan13 36-40, M 5 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    My son died in 1997. It was her first pregnancy

    and he only lived for 30 days. We couldn't even bring him home from the hospital. She blamed me for things, I blamed her for things, and we both tried to move on from that. She conceived shortly after that and we had our first daughter...exactly one year (365 days) after we lost...
    MakinRaider MakinRaider 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    I am horribly frightened of sex.

    Even the thought makes me anxious. My happiest days are days when I am so entirely exhausted that my sex drive is wholly off. I intentionally restrict my sleep to control it. I can't live like this anymore. Life is awful for me and everyone around me because of my sexual...
    gurg gurg 36-40 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Years ago, when I was single

    and about 20, I went to see a fortune teller out of curiosity. I don't really believe that they have any special powers. She told me a load of stuff including they I would be married 3 times. I didn't pay much attention to it. Now I'm in couples counselling for my 2nd...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    He told me tonight that he's realized he likes

    sex. He enjoys it, and he knows that because he's spent so many years pleasuring himself. So now, after lots of research on his part, and discussion with his therapist, he wants to start having sex 2-3 times a week. Mind blown.
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    I am never going to have a Christmas like this

    again. The girls enjoyed their day and the W and I were able to keep things civil so their Christmas was special, but I have never had a colder or more loveless Christmas in my life. So this I promise now - I will not endure another Christmas like this. Either my W comes around...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    How do you eliminate the possibility of your

    refuser ever initiating sex while you have an affair? Easy- tell your husband you stopped taking birth control, since there is no reason for it.
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 3 Responses 58 mins ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Just want to say a big thank you to all the EP

    folks who gave me strength over the last few months which I had somehow lost within myself. Hearing your stories and sharing our experiences made me feel less isolated in this circumstance I found myself in. Having this community felt uniting, and hearing other people's courage...
    js82 js82 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Anyone had a better Christmas day

    than they'd hoped for?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    with the year drawing to a close,

    I just wish to thank everyone in the ILIASm community for their support, encouragement, and advice during the past year. I appreciate the opportunity to vent, to seek council, to learn and to participate with all of you. Here's to a better 2015 for all of us.
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    http://www.dailystrength.

    org/groups/victims-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/discussions/messages/16457808/page-6 Holy crap this is perfect how it describes why narcs and psychopaths refuse sex in relationship. I read the comments and there was a woman who describes how her partner tried to punish her during...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I only want one thing

    for Christmas.. I used to ask for it.. I stopped that a couple of years ago. I love Christmas even now, but I only imagine how good it could be.
    Firedog201 Firedog201 41-45, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 150 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Wishing a Merry Christmas to everyone in ILIASM

    and beyond.I first heard this Christmas song when I was pregnant with my son who was due Christmas Day, and was moved by the powerful questions posed to Mary? This is a new rendition by a-cappella group Pentatonix. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.Mary, Did You Know?Mary, did...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I have finally thrown in the towel.

    For the last few months I have told my wife that I do not know what else to do to save our marriage. I told her that her turning me away is making me feel dejected. I ask for guidance from her to improve our marriage. No response, she is mute. I have warned her multiple...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 41-45, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    I came across today again,

    after some time, of an EP profile, a fellow ILIASM member, awakeforthedancechecksin EP Link and the first story she posted in May, well after she was out of her dysfunctional marriage. EP Link @Awake if you ever read this: Thanks for sharing your inspirational story, of life...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I have not posted in this group in forever,

    and I hope I'm not jinxing things by saying this, but things are getting a bit better. I'm just hoping it isn't reset sex. Guess we'll see... Wishing everyone a blessed new year : )
    pamelamc pamelamc 41-45, F 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    I'm not married but am in a sexless

    relationship. I'm not used to sexual rejection. I've always had a guy who wasn't intimidated by me and loved being intimate with me. I love the guy, but it's like pulling teeth to get him interested. It makes me super bummed going without for weeks at a time.
    Lilmisshappymess Lilmisshappymess 26-30, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Attempt to improve the relationship?

    . So, during the post-Xmas days, the man has been making an extra effort to do things that make me happy. . I haven't cooked a meal since I've been in town. . Yesterday, the weather was nice, so he suggested going to my favorite part of this city - the cool, funky neighborhood...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 20 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 46 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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