Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,068 People

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    .Bacon scented candles .

    .. if they aren't working for you, maybe you could try bacon scented candy canes..Yeah, I know, they won't work either, but maybe I made you smile?.Despite the state of your relationship, I hope that you can enjoy your Christmas and New Year!
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So H's appointment with the GI doctor yesterday

    went good. He is pretty stable right now, at present no confusion (encephalopathy ), just drowsy, tired & achy a lot. Some jaundice, not too bad. His liver is too sick to handle the new meds to clear his body of Hep C but funnily enough, the virus isn't showing up in his blood...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So... for those of you

    that may have noticed, after a 2 month stretch of sharing i worked out most of my thoughts and got my head to another place. Thanks to all for your hints and tips..... it all helped paint the picture..... You will also have noticed i took down most/all of my posts as someone...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think I'm turning into a counter-refuser.

    My wife has hinted that things will happen during the "getaway" we have planned for this weekend, but I just can't get past how angry at her I still am. The thought of spending 48 hours alone with her actually turns my stomach a little, much less doing anything intimate. I...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 19 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hmmmm... Does anyone have an experience with a

    spouse that drives a truck? How can you tell if they are cheating?
    Shangie Shangie 31-35 6 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder Ok

    so bit of an update, Ive been doing some more research into the theory of Low Androgens ie Low T combine with high SHBG and the general nature of how GP's fail most women and men though lack of understanding Back in 2010 my wife had a total T level of 0.17 ( normal range is 0.1...
    snogylop snogylop 41-45, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A little over 3 years ago I found this site

    because I was tired of living in my sexless marriage. A few months ago, I came to the decision that I wanted a divorce. Our finances made it difficult for me to move out, but it was time to make a plan. At this point, I completely checked out of the marriage. I no longer...
    chuckdaly chuckdaly 36-40, M 8 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ok, so all you brave people

    who left your refusers to find happiness.....tell me what happened to your refuser. Are they with someone with a similar (minimal / low) sexual appetite? Are they happy?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just realized I've been here

    for 7 years (under various names) ILIASM has really gone through a lot of changes from under 100 people to tens of thousands now. Still I think the peak was two or three years ago as far as ongoing posts and posters go. Things changed when they changed the way the site looks and...
    Elcoman115 Elcoman115 51-55, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Having been in a marriage

    that was completely sexless for its last 8 years and for many others, I understand why the refused want to cheat, and I would not condemn them for doing that. Still, what kept me from cheating during my marriage was remembering the trust for others and for love that I lost...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This concept is deceptively simple: http://m.

    huffpost.com/us/entry/6317786?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063&fb_ref=Default&fb_source=timeline&ref=profile After reading this article I realized how unhappy I've been making myself by believing what I do doesn't matter. It does! That's the problem with being in a relationship where...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Power to Change - We reflected on a few

    interesting concepts at the divorce support group meeting I attended last night, and I thought I’d share these questions with the members of this forum: - 1. Have you accepted the things you cannot change about your Refuser? In my case, my STBX is incapable of being...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anyone else find emotionally shut off refusers

    being very bad at handling bad luck? H seems frustrated about the bad luck but then not willing to look at how to move forward ... One minute it's "we'll have to deal with x and y and...." Then when I suggest we take action he doesn't want to make decisions. Any yet, even...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am a newlywed. I got married in April

    and have only had sex 5 times. I am very passionate and want to make love with my husband. I tried dressing up/ lingerie and all he did was chuckle. I cried and left the house. I am tired of being rejected and when I bring it up he then feels obligated to have sex. I do not want...
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 34 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Okay....I know I really shouldn't.

    I DO try to restrain myself on here......publicly anyway. But this was too funny not to share and all iliasm folk will , I'm sure, relate . Thanks Tom! 
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 32 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Brandnue Brandnue 31-35 28 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Does anyone get the guilt anger from the

    refuser. I mean the other morning she asked me to change to a radio station while we were driving and I told her I wasn't a fan of the station. I got this big dramatic act of how I just won't ask anything anymore. So when I tried to reason with her and said you know sometimes...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi all...it's been a rough couple of weeks

    since my wife's last hip surgery. A lot more damage on this side, and the anesthesiologist this time was an a** that didn't listen to her telling him that some types of anesthesia medications cause her uncontrollable nausea, so we ended up at the ER twice in her first week of...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 149 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today I see a sex therapist to start fixing my

    ED PE. I'm not doing it for my wife; she hardly ever has sex with me. Instead, I'm doing it for myself so I can be a better lover for me and be able to satisfy my next lover. Wish me luck today.
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 10 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi again Well here it is the season of giving.

    No one has told my wife this . We had errands on saturday and met for lunch. Then went grocery shopping. After we loses the car and driving home I asked about sex later and got the same answer .....maybe. Same answer Ive been getting over a year now. Whats wrong with me...
    harleyman2169 harleyman2169 41-45, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am a married woman.

    This spring will mark the 17th anniversary of our wedding day. We used to have amazing, adventurous, fun sex. Things changed. He doesn't touch me anymore. He barely glances in my direction. This has taken a big toll on my self confidence. Another man is now "wooing" me. I met...
    NewFlowerUnfolding NewFlowerUnfolding 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Its been a while since I logged onto EP,

    with so much work and family life. I was thinking the other day about just how many of us who are sexless in our marriages. I talk to my best friend who is married, and their sex frequency has dropped a lot in the past years. Some of our friends have the same issues as well. In...
    onceasailor onceasailor 46-50, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Going into sixth week of separation.

    Anticipating this will be a difficult, yet rewarding, year for many reasons. My social circle will slightly change, I will reclaim my maiden name, complete my post-graduate certification, be living in a new place with 1/3 of my fur kids, and I will have completely shed the...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I’m Filing for Divorce … Those of you

    following my story know how the past 4 months have been extremely stressful, possibly the most stressful since I have left my 13-year marriage in the summer of 2013. This summer, my ex and I completed the one year of separation mandated by the state. I could have filed for...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 1 Response 28 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel