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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,081 People

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    But I have to endure it

    for my boys...they are my world and she is an awesome mother to them. I can't put them through a separation or divorce which could adversely affect the rest of their lives.
    jatp jatp 36-40, M 3 Responses 29 mins ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The good news is my husband seems to be more

    interested in having sex since our last talk (the one about being afraid of not satisfying me completely since ). He mentions it more frequently and it's not just a pity thing from what I can tell. We're still not actually having sex as often as I would like but it's a step in...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 8 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I just don't want to.

    . . I don't feel it.. its like there's no point in it in exactly 1 yr we only been together maybe 3 times the most., I don't know how it mite effect our relationship in a future¿? But I so truly dislike the act of intimacy. Been with my partner almost 6yrs
    mrscasillas28 mrscasillas28 26-30, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    About three weeks ago,

    I posted about my resolution to end my marriage. I've been constantly thinking during these weeks of the next steps and I've decided to give things time and really ponder each step so that instead of drawbacks I have to only move forward... About the same week when I first...
    TheWeepingWoman TheWeepingWoman 36-40, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I wonder if people who have plenty of sex are

    truly happy. I mean, pleasure and joy are not exactly the same thing, right?
    Aeonian Aeonian 51-55, M 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So guys remember that spreadsheet the sexless

    husband compiled about this wife on reddit? Here is the female version: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2706657/Its-not-just-frustrated-husbands-creating-spreadsheets-detailing-wives-refuse-sex-women-too.html Some very interesting reading right there!
    js82 js82 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    And so after I staunchly debated our son not

    racing in Ca again. $10k out of the check book. 3 laps of racing. Lost his job. Kicked out of work owners house. The drama continues. Wife thinks she knows everything when all she knows is how to flush it down the drain with our son who really needs to grow up and hold a job.
    JRD22 JRD22 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have been married for 9 years

    and after my son who is now 6 my husband Doesn't show interest in sex. It was very painful at first! My self stem was very low and I used to blame myself for everything. He is a good father and very good to me on other ways. Few weeks ago he said I could have a boyfriend if I...
    andyusa43 andyusa43 41-45, F 10 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Failure to Recognise RealityWhen I first came

    to EP, like most others, I claimed my marriage was great bar the sex. I even said that before my ex and I were married we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. EP Link In retrospect, I can now see that most of our nearly 20 year relationship could be considered...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 44 Responses Dec 2, 2012

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I went back and looked at the first stories I

    wrote on here. I haven't been here all that long. Joined in November of last year and didn't really come back on consistently until May of this year. Anyway. I reread the story I posted in "I Am Lonely" and had to smile. Boy have I flipped the script.....
    coffeeflavoredkisses coffeeflavoredkisses 46-50, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Scenario/Question: True story: I went to a

    routine physical last year on my birthday, which is on Halloween. My doctor, a young female doctor, was dressed as a housewife with curlers and a robe. We got through all the routine stuff quickly enough. Then she sat on a stool and wheeled herself over to me and asked me to...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Summoning Reinforcements - Those of you

    who have been following my story as I extract myself from the clutches of a sexless marriage know the shame my STBX has been inflicting on me in an effort to make me see the "error of my ways" and succumb to his twisted pleas to remain in our dysfunctional relationship...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 5 Responses 23 mins ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    How do you establish what your time limit

    should be? . Many of you in this group have suggested to set a time limit on how long you are willing to live in the sexless marriage. One of my best friends suggested this to me, just about a year ago too. I'm struggling on how to determine my end date. I think it would be...
    Musicalangel13 Musicalangel13 31-35, F 8 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 102 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    So I'm still in my 'stormy' phase (I'm likening

    my ups and downs of sexual importance to a baby App called the wonder weeks! Stormy developmental phases and sunny happy phases!!) When I'm in a stormy phase, my husband can't do anything right. I was shouting at him today. I often feel like I don't know what I see in him when...
    Waterlanding Waterlanding 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I think I have waited

    so long for intimacy I don't know what to do if it jumped up and slapped me in the face.
    firefly4718 firefly4718 46-50, F 19 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I'm mixed up tonight.

    I'll start by saying that I've had more sex in the last four months then I did in the previous two years. Sounds impressive on the surface but in reality that means I've had sex three times in the last four months. Don't get me wrong, going from an average of once every six...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 10 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I feel like I'm too hound to be having this

    problem, it's been going on for at least 5 years. Down to once every 3 months or less
    Jcchris321 Jcchris321 31-35, M 11 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Who knew there was a TED TALK on SM.

    Very interesting. Maybe we can all convince our refuser spouses to "Just do it" as Michele Weiner Davis recommends. Google: The Sex Starved Marriage: Michele Weiner Davis at TedxCU Sorry not at my laptop & can't figure out how to cut and paste link from my phone.
    Jane1024 Jane1024 36-40, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Make love, not war. It's never easy living

    with others. Whether it's our spouse, partner, stbx, parent, child, or roommate. Here's today's challenge: perform a simple act of kindness to improve the situation. Hopefully it will have a boomerang effect. If you have any good ideas, please share them. And...if they...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 6 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I have forced my husband to live a life without

    sex for what was supposed to be the good of everyone. It was not he did not want sex, if fact there were many times he was demanding it and it lead to many very heated arguments. It was not that I did not want sex . I love it the closeness and the feel you are a part of someone...
    isis55 isis55 56-60, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    June4U June4U 22-25, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    I married 2 months ago.

    The beautiful wedding night underwear I brought, still sits unwrapped in its box. I knew deep down when I purchased it, I would never Get to wear it, but I hoped..... You got to have hope right?
    blondie78 blondie78 31-35, F 57 Responses 1 day ago

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    Best Friends? - One of the appeals my STBX made

    to me when he was trying to change my mind about divorcing him was that he was "losing his best friend". That made me pause and wonder, are we really best friends? - In her book Contemplating Divorce, author Susan Gadoua offers the following questions to ask yourself when...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 37 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 128 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Hi everyone, things are going a lot better here.

    As a reminder my husband has ED and a low T count, so for a long time he didn't have any desire to do anything more than kiss and hug. He has been on a testosterone gel for 3 weeks now to get his numbers up. It seems to be working as he has had a lot more desire to be...
    suburbanmomoftwo suburbanmomoftwo 51-55, F 9 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Alternate Reality - My STBX continues to

    astonish me with his interpretation of the cause of the failure of our marriage. Tonight, he told me that we weren't able to resolve our differences because of a "gender reversal" issue. - He said he was reluctant to be physically affectionate with me because he felt we didn't...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 13 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Sometimes I feel that things happen quickly.

    And that they happen for a reason. Two weeks, wow! A lot has been packed into these last two weeks. First of all, my sister is a lot younger than me, for those who do not know, she is 21 and pregnant. She had a health scare two weeks ago, she kept saying she was tired, looked it...
    katzlaw katzlaw 36-40, F 7 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 76 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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