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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,395 People

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I love love love to see

    such an article outside of a specialty sexless marriage group. If only someone could have handed this to 25 y.o. me: http://www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-gauge-your-compatibility-so-you-dont-end-up-in-a-sexless-relationship
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    From HuffPost: "Deciding to end your marriage

    is, without question, one of the most heartbreaking decisions a parent will ever face. While recent studies have suggested that kids bounce back fairly well after the initial pain of the breakup, the question looms large in every parent's mind: should we get a divorce or stick...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 41 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I didn't used to be so nice.

    I thought I was entitled to have sex whenever and however I chose, at one time. I thought my husband should bow to my whim, whenever I chose, because I was a woman, and a somewhat attractive one. Boy, did he set me straight. He countered by refusing me and never explaining why...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 9 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Dating… Since separating from my STBX

    several months ago, I’ve dated a couple of men and soon discovered that I’m not ready to date again. The many years of sexual rejection and sadness in my marriage have left deep scars on my soul and damaged my emotions so much that I find myself clinging desperately to the...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Varment64 Varment64 46-50, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I think I've lost touch with the real world.

    I keep posting the things my H has and has not done in regard to our relationship and to me personally. I keep saying to myself, but look, he's really not all bad. He is, at least in my mind, still human, still deserving of some kind of respect and at least a pseudo kind of...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Two interesting developments .

    1 - I had my first appointment for a med check in my new town, with a new doctor. New doctors always ask 100,000 questions, so the topic of my sexless relationship came up, and I cried a little. The doctor suggested I might want to see one of the therapists at their practice...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just a question here: Would it make sense to

    have an ILIASM and spouses swingers club? Refusers can enjoy other refusers company into whatever is the think is pleasure and deprived can go with other deprived ones. Does it make sense?
    Zarkus Zarkus 41-45, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    How many of you have not had sex

    or any intimate contact with your spouse in over a year? I can not remember the last time I had any intimate contact with my spouse.
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    Not sure if I ever posted this song before,

    but I think this is the anthem of my soon to be over marriage. I imagine it's the same for many others as well. It just came on the radio and I started sobbing again. I've been an emotional wreck this weekend. LUKE BRYAN DO I Baby what are we becoming It feels just like we...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am finally leaving.

    Its been over two years since I knew I wanted a divorce now I'm finally going to do it. I am leaving, moving my stuff out and giving him the papers on Feb. 16. I thought I was ready that I wouldn't have any doubts but I have gotten very nervous. I am fine financially. We...
    jencpa jencpa 31-35, F 38 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    49,388 people :( That's a lot of us,

    far too many. I want to admit something about myself and like many of you I learned how to be a person growing up. I know what love is, and I can feel love for another person. I know that I am loved but I struggle daily to feel love. I have felt love now 3x in my life. The...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Anyone want to try and see

    if their refusers are up for intensive couple's therapy? http://www.conservativeoutfitters.com/blogs/news/16657133-so-its-come-to-this 'Merica.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    I was at a party the other night

    and someone asked me if I was married. I told him I was on my second marriage (almost our first anniversary!), and he asked if I felt guilty about ending it with my first husband. I almost burst out laughing! NO. Not for a second. After telling him a bare bones outline of why...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    The time frame from moving is set.

    May 1 to 11th. It's my break from school. I couldn't be more excited to get my boys away from his bad habits. It's going to be super hard living with family, but hopefully they will adjust eventually. We are buying them bunk beds and letting them shop for new sheets. I hope...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 14 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Today's Dear Abby column is a great example of

    how people get into sexless marriages. Too bad Abby doesn't seem to realize that sexual chemistry is important for romances. Sounds like the Vegas dancer has a good friend, but he wouldn't be a romantic partner. "Woman Isn't Really Attracted To The Man Of Her Dreams Jan 27...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well I thought things were getting better.

    He's been making more of an effort and being more affectionate and then there it is again. More **** in his email. This time I wasn't snooping. I was signing him up for electronic health records and had to go in to authenticate his email to finish the registration. It was...
    ju1984 ju1984 26-30, F 1 Response 29 mins ago

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    Last night tried to have a conversation with my

    wife and ask her to read chapter 2 of the ten minute sexual solution. She us resisting. Tomorrow she has an appointment with her OBGYN. This morning I got flack from her when I asked her again to read chapter 2. She got irritated and said "when I'm I going to find time...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 19 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So its been awhile. Nothing has changed.

    Scratch that. I've lost more weight. Thought maybe it would help. Hasn't. Nothing has. And every time I bring it up I turn into a villain. I'm so tired of feeling alone and unwanted in my marriage. Yet I've remained faithful but only just barely. I look better than I ever have...
    sharperthanyoursilence sharperthanyoursilence 31-35, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Somebody set me straight,

    my W suggested we do something on valentine's day. Now this marriage has sunken to a non romantic, non intimate share a sleeping arrangements minimum sex situation. She looked confused when I told her I doubt if we do anything, once again am I missing something ? I have...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 25 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 152 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    When you finally do have sex in a sexless

    marriage were 4 months of nothing, does it feel like a calendar alert went off with the title "do spouse before the subject of sex comes up"? I could just me.
    ms3206 ms3206 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    This isn't an experience this is advice !

    Talk to your partners my friend recently split with her husband of 20 years and they both found out that they were feeling the same way!!! Talk talk talk !
    SunnySeaside SunnySeaside 26-30, F 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dream Lover Once upon a dream we danced from

    dusk till dawn holding on tight Clinging to each other like tomorrow might never come calling us I remember the smell of your hair and the scent of sweet perfume The softness of your body as you pressed against me so wickedly Pretending to be a naughty girl even though you...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 80 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Just wanted to check in with the group.

    When I first came here I was completely depressed about my marriage and our lack of intimacy. From the time we were first married-we were not intimate nearly as much as I expected. I've tried many things-as posted in my other stories and I just want to say that I am glad that...
    stayinginthegame stayinginthegame 31-35, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Positives. A re-post in the right place!

    Friday: frosty and cold, my wife declines my silly suggestion (for twas) on relations of a carnal nature. Saturday: She's tired. I smell of chilli too much to snuggle. Attempts to discuss are stymied by the fact that she falls asleep. So much for the promised time to discuss...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6558262?

    ir=Parents&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Thought this was a great article and more than appropriate for many of us.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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