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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,257 People

    Higher love. And baser desires.

    I'm still kinda dwelling on my h's explosion at me last weekend. One of the things he told me was the 'he fell in love with my mind'. Which is good. Great. That's what matters. But he implied I was asking too much of him to also want my body. It may well be true in his case...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    The end is near for my 26 yr marriage

    and I feel devastated. I know all my reasons for leaving were valid but still feels painful. It is not what I wanted. I wanted to see the world with him. I wanted to hold hands at the weddings of our kids. I would have loved and cared for him until my dying days. As I sit at...
    frspch frspch 51-55, F 18 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Don't want to have an affair,

    don't want a divorce, still love my wife very much, but it's been at least ten years since my wife has shown much, if any, interest in sex and the temperature in the room immediately drops at least ten degrees if I even bring the subject up. Been trying to figure out ways to...
    james53jr james53jr 61-65, M 11 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 142 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    The conversation went better

    than I thought it would. All through dinner and bedtime with boys she was very anxious, constantly making eye contact and hand contact, little tentative hugs and squeezes which is definitely not her usual thing. I didn't pull away or try to be cold at all, squeezed her and...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 6 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I usually wake up at 5am

    as I work on east coast time. Usually I am able to sneak out without waking the wife. This morning she grabbed me before I could slide out of bed, gave me a big hug and whispered that she loved me and to have a great day. And it has been a good day :). First couples therapy...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 1 Response 21 mins ago

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    How do your religious/moral convictions affect

    how you handle your SM? I am pretty new here, so forgive me if the topic has already been covered. I understand the three typical outcomes for people on this board in a SM. What do you do when your religious or moral background or point of view seems to conflict with the likely...
    DoeEyed DoeEyed 31-35, F 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Sex Addict - I'm curious

    if any members of ILIASM went to see the move "Addicted" that was released this week. It's the story of a married woman who becomes a sex addict and starts having wild sex with two random guys...sort of a "Belle de Jour" without the regal Catherine Deneuve. - The main...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 19 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I am 37 years old and have been in a

    relationship with my current bf for 13 years. We aren't legally married, but we have lived together for 12 years and we have one child together I also have a child from a previous "***** donor". Splitting up is not an option, and I am not asking for any advice, I just wanted...
    lyssak lyssak 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I'm looking for input from people married to an

    asexual who tried to have "the talk". I have always avoided it because I assumed I would be speaking a foreign language to her. So I'm looking for information from people in the same situation who had the talk and what did you learn from it. What was helpful? What was not...
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Who complains about an hour long back massage ?

    .... who complains about a dozen roses for no reason ? .... who complains about texts about how beautiful she is and how special she is ? ... if you guessed my wife then you are correct , sometimes i pull back from the situation and think about how crazy this is , i dont know...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 12 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I went to a marriage

    where there was the good times but in the last it was a sexless marriage it was them I was abandoned. Left alone. Battled depression. Got counseling was hoping that my other half ago. Refused to go. So I did it alone. Now here I am. It in an indigent divorcedI cannot change...
    sunney55 sunney55 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Living in Japan, my experience may be slightly

    different than a lot of you... I've been married for 8 years, she got pregnant before we were married, and since then, I can count the number of times we've had sex on one hand. I've talked to her about it, and she just isn't interested in it, or any kind of physical intimacy...
    griker42 griker42 31-35, M 8 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 28

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    The tide is high but I'm holding on I'm gonna

    be your number one I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that Oh no ..................... Song by Blondie that my brain keeps replaying day after day, even to the point of waking up with it in my head. I'm listening to the rain and thunder and the sound of H's snoring...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I woke up this morning to the visual of H's

    bare crotch in my face. Ummmm... No thank you. I think now he knows I will turn it down he thinks it's funny to shove it in my face. That was six am. He was just going to bed. I got a call at midnight from dad but I didn't hear the phone ring b/c I was asleep. I saw it on the...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Has anyone tried Chasteberry

    and what was your experience?
    stayinginthegame stayinginthegame 31-35, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 7 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Conversation (HoH) - rejected (this is fine

    though and we discussed potential dom/sub which was also rejected) both are fine to reject So next thought was something I want to call HHA, house hold accountability. My own swing on domestic discipline. No spanking simply task orientated consequences for failing actions...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Every day I have this feeling

    and every day it grows stronger. It's hate! A hate for a man that clearly has no idea who I am anymore. A hate for a man that just hasn't a clue about me. A hate for a man that says " what's wrong with you?" When I try to make a conversation with him. This hate that grows daily...
    dsuzy dsuzy 36-40, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I have exhausted all efforts to reason with my

    wife about our marriage. In my hopelessness I am turning to Jesus, and he has enlightened me how to approach the subject with my wife. I am now praying more than ever, and have developed a battle plan. For 17 years my wife has used guilt to manipulate me into behaviors she...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    And the jig is up. Got my lawyer consult

    scheduled for this afternoon via phone, but then get a text 20 mins ago from the wife: "OMG did you read this email on my computer??" Dumb me, I always leave her computer the way I find it after doing upgrades, had left the mail app up after doing the upgrade to OS X...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Too good at suffering: Really nice article

    here: "http://www.sarahiatt.com/blog/too-good-at-suffering/" Some people are good at suffering. Too good. A person can have a lot of stamina, a perseverance in the face of difficulty and pain that is inspiring, but there can be a troubling flip side to this kind of strength...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 12 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Where do those who got out,

    or moved on hang out? I really liked the advise from this group in particular. I am not in a sexless marriage anymore. I am in a very loving, sex-filled relationship, actually, and I don't want to sabotage it. Just wondering where everyone is............. dealing with exes...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    When I had a conversation with my wife about

    our sex life, which turned into an argument, she said"you knew what you were getting yourself into when we married". WTF!!? I married a virgin and neither you or I could know what our sex life would be like. I should have turned that same question back on her, you knew you...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well, I don't live in a SM anymore.

    I left him 1-year ago today. I'm still sexless (not for the whole year) but that's now my choice as opposed to a symptom. Choice feels way better than hopeless. It's been a tough year. Leaving an otherwise stable and financially secure position to face the unknown is not easy...
    NeedingToVent NeedingToVent 36-40, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Every day I reach a new level of

    I-don't-give-a-**** when it comes to my leaving him. Do I care what he thinks? No Do I care what our friends think? No Do I care what our kids think? Yes, but not enough to stay any longer Do I care what my family thinks? No Do I care what my church friends think? No...
    EmbraceMe68 EmbraceMe68 41-45, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Bart23 Bart23 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 41 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Last nights update: We

    both worked, but there was communication through text while apart. (Not my favorite medium for conversation so I kept it light) Gave her a link to domestic discipline to read, going of a spanking may not be her ball of yarn but I can probably sell her on linking punishments of...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    The sweetest revenge.

    Happiness! It's come to my conclusion that my refused is just a miserable person. No matter what I do he will find something to find fault in. He feels inadequate himself(I believe due to his family of origin but don't really know) and his parents are always picking up the...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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