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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 46,641 People

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 40 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I thought that after 19 1/2 years of a really

    great marriage, I thought it was all going to be good. Then wham I found out why he never wanted sex, he was with every female partner he trained or was on duty with. He wasn't an officer when we got married but I talked him into it. Now 3 years later I will never live without...
    tricerich tricerich 41-45, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    I discovered this board about a week ago,

    by chance, and by reading the many posts surrounding this issue, it's been an eye-opener to say the least, and not just because I now know it's not just me, or even just a few people, but many. I've been with my husband for 15 years, married for 5. We have two children (10 & 7...
    copperdoodle copperdoodle 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 75 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I'm having to live like this it's not fair !

    I want to be loved and desired to. My marriage sucks . Everything is about him or his son I've helped raise . I want out but don't know where to start things have been such a mess for so long I'm scared . I have a big heart and really care abt others enjoy loving and being loved...
    miszbama38 miszbama38 36-40, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I'm not married but I was engaged

    and I had to break it off it did hurt because I really loved him but I'm a sex addict and I thought I could change that and he wanted me to change that thought I had it under control but I realized that I was still same person I haven't changed and I didn't want to change I...
    June4U June4U 22-25, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    First I do love my wife

    but it's getting very ridiculous not having sex ever. We've been married 15 years and up until a couple years ago it seemed like we did it every night and now it's never. Even when one of the few times we do she puts no effort into it and basically I do all the work from...
    JRBWT JRBWT 31-35, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 51 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 38 Responses Dec 2, 2012

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    Just sent message to a local attorney

    requesting an initial consult. Maybe I'll be bothered by all this later but right now, I just don't feel anything.
    intoodeepat35 intoodeepat35 70+, M 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I'm coming up on 29 years of marriage.

    I thought things were odd when she refused me on our wedding night, but it really was an omen of things to come. Suffice it to say it has been less than once a year over nearly 3 decades. Professional help and counseling have been repeatedly refused. I don't believe in divorce...
    TranquilBeaches TranquilBeaches 56-60, M 30 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 37 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Rejection Hurts.

    I've been reading some research work on the mental and physical reactions to various forms of social rejection (of course, with the normal caveats of avoiding correlation equals causation etc). For anyone who's interested in the science, I can post references. I believe this is...
    hl42 hl42 51-55, M 30 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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    I always see advice from people on this board

    that one should seek legal counsel before they begin the journey towards ending their....well I guess legally it's termed a marriage. My question for the group is what if any true concrete advantages do you get by doing so? Are there "things" for example that you can do before...
    demisis demisis 36-40, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Miguel1987 Miguel1987 26-30, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 56 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I love my wife - except she has no sex drive.

    It's been almost 15 months since we had sex. I know she would have sex with me if I initiated it but I'm tired of always feeling like I'm begging for it. It's more than just a sexless marriage...it's mostly a loveless marriage. I don't feel loved or appreciated. I stay because...
    clhockey5779 clhockey5779 31-35, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 26 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 44 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 36 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    So what's the big deal?

    ! If you are not satisfied, why did you get married then?!
    IvyHunt IvyHunt 18-21, F 30 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 25 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 63 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Well it's been about 2 months

    since I last wrote about my little "situation". Unfortunately, not much has changed. I mean I could say that it's possibly a good thing because my life hasn't gotten any worse but that would be a ridiculous sentiment. Nine months now without sex and other than a peck on the lips...
    iDntCurr iDntCurr 22-25, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 180 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Ive been married for 13 y.

    And Ive been living in a sexless marriage for the past 4 or 5 maybe more. We have three kids and there was always an excuse for not having sex with pregnancies, breastfeeding, headaches, etc. About 5 months ago Ive told her that our marriage was a lie. We didn't have any...
    aking1973 aking1973 41-45, M 13 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I've been lusting my girlfriend all day feeling

    super horny for her,we argued about the lack of sex and intamacy just the other day and I told her how we only ever had sex when she wanted as expected she turned all the blame around on me in a very angry way saying I should just ask for it which I don't feel comfortable doing...
    supercat01 supercat01 31-35, M 13 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    So, I'm angry today,

    but I won't go into that. I just wanted to tell y'all, guidance comes in odd places. I have read the book "Eat, Pray, Love" in a whole other place in my life. I'd forgotten about it, but my friend recommended I read it again. The lady who wrote it had the EXACT same experience...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 8 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    "You'll never leave where you are,

    until you decide where you want to be." Saw this on a sign today and it seems to sum up my position. I saw my trusted counselor last week that I have seen on and off for the last 13 years. She is an awesome lady and has treated me independently as well as performing couples...
    tresses tresses 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 51 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I had reset sex with my husband last night.

    I'm not sure if I did it to try to wipe out my memory of the married ******* who ****** me a couple of weeks ago and then dumped me, or because I believe my husband really wants to save our marriage. - Our marriage counselor told my husband not to take me for granted, and he's...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Lexus45 Lexus45 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I recently decided to go the outsource route,

    and although the thrill of it was exciting I only felt more alone afterwards. I didn't have sex but I think or know I probably would have if the situation was different. I Wanted too. It has been so long that someone has touched me or kissed me. It was good to feel wanted but at...
    LBiddy LBiddy 36-40, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    The X is still trying to control me by threats.

    He isn't getting his way, so is filing an appeal for a different judge and another trial. I am hanging in there, but this is where I have to be the strongest. He doesn't want to move our pr. Judge's order, and is going to try to take me down. My friends are telling me that he is...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 36-40, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 291 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 33 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 22 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Another thing I want to post about is how being

    in this situation has affected every other facet of my life. Workwise - I get tired v easily and can't give 100% as I'm so distracted. I avoid seeing friends too much as it is too exhausting to act like everything is normal. And with my family, I am short with them as it's the...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'm a little bit tired of sexlessness

    one-up-manship that's been taking place in this forum recently. We haven't had sex in 15 months.... Reply: that's nothing We've had sex maybe 20 times in the last 24 months: Reply: that's not even sexless I haven't had sex with my husband in over 2 and a half years. This is...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 99 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    For those staying in miserable sexless

    marriages "for the sake of the kids": "On Monday, one Redditor grappling with that very question went straight to the source, asking those on the site with divorced parents to weigh in. "There is no abuse, but there is no love, either," the father of two said of his 10-year...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 12 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 154 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    My wife and I haven't had sex

    for 15 years now - it's both our faults, mine as much as hers, if not more. She had two difficult pregnancies, and one of our children was born with a brain disorder, and most of the past 15 years has been spent fighting for him, and arguing about him. We've both been nasty to...
    jamespople jamespople 51-55, M 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I always wondered if there was an article such

    as this and I recently came across this article. It made perfect sense to me. Hope it helps all of you... xxxx Read it and let me know what you think http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201303/couples-men-women-have-different-sexual-libido-sex-number
    saltyorsweet saltyorsweet 31-35, F 12 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 547 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I have started living a selfless life.

    My son only has me and my husband (as a father figure) with whome I have a sexless marriage. The rest of his immediate family hv passed away, except his grandmother .. So I cannot even think of leaving him as both of them are very fond of each other. I love my son very much and...
    Mamta123 Mamta123 41-45, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    I always have to initiate sex.

    This gets really old really fast. At first I liked it because I felt empowered, but after a while I wanted to be seduced. I like to feel sexy and wanted. I love my husband and find him extremely attractive. I need him to see the importance of him starting our intimate moments.
    Gkl88 Gkl88 22-25, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 68 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    My life is a sham. I am a 37 year old female

    and have been married to my husband for 2 years and together for 4. He has never been interested in sex with me but we did long distance when we first met so I never really noticed it. Since we've been married he NEVER initiates sex with me - ever. I used to do it all the time...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    Illusions That Kept Me Trapped in Sexless

    Marriage If you read my first EP story, you will get the impression that the sexlessness started with the conception of my child 4 years back, after a decade of a happy marriage. Little by little, as I worked on my marriage, and then my divorce, I unraveled the truth that I...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 6 Responses 10 hrs ago