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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,131 People

    Went to my H's counseling session last weekend.

    Much to my surprise it wasnt about his addiction...well a tiny bit...it was about our marriage. He has been talking to his counselor about our marital issues and his lack of interest in sex. The counselor wanted to see us both (separately for a few minutes and then together) to...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why is it that I blame myself

    for my husband's issues? I am a woman who loves sex and as crappy as it sounds, needs the intimacy to feel loved. 5 1/2 years of tears, anger, screaming, and total breakdowns, along with too many broken promises, I feel my husband's touch maybe once a year. I find myself...
    BeautifullyBroken80 BeautifullyBroken80 31-35, F 6 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Why do women always make excuses,

    I mean you really don't want any pleasure come on seriously?!
    bigmantinyvoice79 bigmantinyvoice79 31-35, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    for those of you who read my last ILIASM post

    concerning sitting my wife down and letting her know that her little digs were tearing me apart piece by piece, you may recall that I DID actually explain things to her during a ride in our car. she was surprised and claimed not to realize that this was my view. But I do...
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Anyone had a better Christmas day

    than they'd hoped for?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    I came across today again,

    after some time, of an EP profile, a fellow ILIASM member, awakeforthedancechecksin EP Link and the first story she posted in May, well after she was out of her dysfunctional marriage. EP Link @Awake if you ever read this: Thanks for sharing your inspirational story, of life...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I'm not married but am in a sexless

    relationship. I'm not used to sexual rejection. I've always had a guy who wasn't intimidated by me and loved being intimate with me. I love the guy, but it's like pulling teeth to get him interested. It makes me super bummed going without for weeks at a time.
    Lilmisshappymess Lilmisshappymess 26-30, F 10 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    http://www.dailystrength.

    org/groups/victims-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/discussions/messages/16457808/page-6 Holy crap this is perfect how it describes why narcs and psychopaths refuse sex in relationship. I read the comments and there was a woman who describes how her partner tried to punish her during...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 59 mins ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    I have finally thrown in the towel.

    For the last few months I have told my wife that I do not know what else to do to save our marriage. I told her that her turning me away is making me feel dejected. I ask for guidance from her to improve our marriage. No response, she is mute. I have warned her multiple...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 41-45, M 11 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    He told me tonight that he's realized he likes

    sex. He enjoys it, and he knows that because he's spent so many years pleasuring himself. So now, after lots of research on his part, and discussion with his therapist, he wants to start having sex 2-3 times a week. Mind blown.
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am horribly frightened of sex.

    Even the thought makes me anxious. My happiest days are days when I am so entirely exhausted that my sex drive is wholly off. I intentionally restrict my sleep to control it. I can't live like this anymore. Life is awful for me and everyone around me because of my sexual...
    gurg gurg 36-40 6 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Actual convo with my husband about a serious

    conversation while he was putting together his RC car: "Yeah. But you weren't really listening to me. I TOLD you it was the last beer when I brought it out and then you forgot. When I asked you if you were going to let it sit there, you told me to have it. I reminded you it...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I only want one thing

    for Christmas.. I used to ask for it.. I stopped that a couple of years ago. I love Christmas even now, but I only imagine how good it could be.
    Firedog201 Firedog201 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Maybe not for long. Over the years,

    I have let it be known that I am not happy with the marital situation. I asked if things could change. Apparently not. A few months ago, she told me that it seems as if I don't want to stay married to her. I gave her no argument. Well, after Jan. 1, it is supposed to happen...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Look what was in my Christmas cracker!

    A pertinent slight at my sexlessness or I read sex into everything. :-)
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    This morning has been absolutely horrible.

    I woke up in terrible depression. My whole body felt weak and without energy to move, so I went back to sleep. Then as soon as I walked out of my room, it started. Not going into details, but I lost it with him. I would have put a drunken sailor to shame with what came out of my...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 31 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    My son died in 1997. It was her first pregnancy

    and he only lived for 30 days. We couldn't even bring him home from the hospital. She blamed me for things, I blamed her for things, and we both tried to move on from that. She conceived shortly after that and we had our first daughter...exactly one year (365 days) after we lost...
    MakinRaider MakinRaider 41-45, M 7 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Do any of you know bibeach68?

    We've been talking a while then he suddenly disappeared. I'm a bit worried about him.
    Fluftytufty Fluftytufty 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I don't know if I'm ready to share my story yet.

    I don't understand it though. I'm a good looking guy. If I wanted to cheat, I have had plenty of opportunity. But with my wife I was told I'm being too affectionate. I brought home flowers only to be told they're the wrong kind. I just don't get it.
    romanticheart77 romanticheart77 51-55, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Well my wife 24 yrs won't have sex with me

    anymore. It's been a few years!! She told me all about how promiscuous she was as a teenager before we got married. Everyone has a past!! I was ok with that. A few yrs ago she got so depressed about her lifestyle as a teen that all intimacy was shut off towards me. She feels...
    Flyer2005 Flyer2005 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just want to say a big thank you to all the EP

    folks who gave me strength over the last few months which I had somehow lost within myself. Hearing your stories and sharing our experiences made me feel less isolated in this circumstance I found myself in. Having this community felt uniting, and hearing other people's courage...
    js82 js82 31-35, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    You Know Sometimes, The Only Thing You Can Do

    Is To Laugh at your Situation:I know the other side of this is that the truth just plain hurts! 
    Longrun Longrun 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Three years ago, I desperately longed to be

    held. It was almost a physical pain not to be touched in years from my significant other. The emotional pain was unbearable. I just wanted a hug and I wrote a story about it on EP. This morning, I felt so bereft of human affection that all I wanted was someone to take my hand...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 35 Responses 2 days ago

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    Merry sexless Christmas everyone.

    I'm not expecting any festive nooky either and I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Sadly, many of us only want one thing... and it's not found in some glossy catalogue. My own story (part thereof) went into a novel. Fiction and fact first met 9 years ago. Fact for...
    angelwanderer angelwanderer 46-50 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    But for the last several months,

    not a sexless life. I met a person who became a FWB. She taught me that all women are not ice cubes. Later, I met someone who also was not an ice cube. She was also different, much different. She was also 19 years younger than me. I was worried how that big gap in ages...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    From 0 to 60... In One Year (Confirmed!

    ). I just felt that a brief update to my last story was appropriate. I *did* get my Christmas wish even though I didn’t hit my (joking) number of 69. Instead, we officially hit 60 last weekend and hit 61 this morning (e.g. my “on pace” target is now happily confirmed...
    TimeforLiving2 TimeforLiving2 41-45, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Apparently the sexless marriage is at an all

    time high in this country. Epidemic proportions. Experts have concluded that **** has had a direct impact on these numbers. Now before those of you who use **** because your wife refuses...gets defensive.. This isn't about you. This is referring to the men who refuse to...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 30 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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