Post

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,561 People

    "Why don't you just admit you don't want me to

    touch you ever?" These words cam out of my mouth this morning after a bunch of petty back & forth sniping. It started with me making a playful comment about seeing her wearing just a long necklace & her responding that there were kids & grand kids around. There aren't. The...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 10 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I told my husband I would like to have sex.

    It's been over 4 months since the last time. He picked a fight and is not talking to me now. Took me a day to link it to me asking for sex. Brat!
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 25 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Last night was the first night in a long time

    that I sobbed over my situation. I laid in bed thinking what I would write in a suicide note. It was just too much emotionally to deal with. I finally cried myself to sleep. This morning I asked hubby if we could talk about us. His eyes got huge and he shook his head no and left...
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can someone tell me about reset intimacy.

    What are the telltale signs? Is it just a waiting game to see if it was one off or just to placate the refusee? How did you respond? Incredibly enthusiastically or cautiously as this is a long tough road and the scars of being rejected take time to heal even if the refuser...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There was a very clear turning point in my

    relationship with my ex. It's been on my mind this week. Eating at me. We'd been dating about 2-3 years. I was miserable and started planning out leaving (we were living together). I had a weekend away to my hometown during which I ran into an old friend and came very close to...
    liltree liltree 31-35, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am back in 'our' appartment.

    I have three younger siblings to keep company and help with the packing. I was expecting to be somewhat emotionaly distraught. Packing and leaving this appartment, country for good. Packing his things. But I feel nothing. Zip. zit.nada. Not a thing. Waiting for the other shoe...
    coolvolatile coolvolatile 31-35, F 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Feeling sorry for myself tonight.

    I allow myself that much once every few months. There is a sadness I did not know existed until it overtook me. When you actively work to feel happy or excited about something each day so that it becomes your job. When you can’t find the silver lining, when you can no...
    thescarletibis thescarletibis 41-45, F 12 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Little off topic but wonderfully insightful.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/03/esther_perel_on_affairs_spouses_in_happy_marriages_cheat_and_americans_don.html or google: slate.com why we cheat by hanna rosin I found this to be very refreshing considering many of the posts that I read here. Any...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am so exhausted from the roller coaster.

    Not enough sex, talk to my husband about it. Fights and tries to blame me so make whatever changes but ultimately promises it will get better. Things are hot and heavy for a few day and we get along amazing outside of the bed too and then we skip a day and it is back to...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Marriage No hugs not

    even a kiss, no intimacy everyday is like this. I try so hard, but what can I do, he's not interested, it makes me blue. I sigh and cry as sadness takes hold, why is it that he is so cold? I want kisses, to be held and touched. I think I'm pretty, I don't think I'm gross, So...
    maulena maulena 41-45, F 16 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have thought so many times about posting in

    this group. I always seem to stop myself. Partly because I don't want to embarrass him by posting something he'd be ashamed of or shamed by if he saw it, partly because I'm just shy and sensitive, partly because my feelings are so complex and change so often that I'm afraid...
    licoriceandlace licoriceandlace 41-45, F 26 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An update... Day 6 of living separately.

    I'd say Sunday was the low point, after that "piece of cake". At least to what I'd imagine what it would be like. I am finding myself again. Doing the things I used to like. Little things. Like sitting in the bathtub for an hour and read. Having my morning coffee in complete...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 31-35, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why are we settling for less

    than relationships? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-shayne-kagel/relationship-advice_b_1603032.html
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anybody from Wa? I just want someone to talk

    and find a new friend who share the same situation as me.
    adamclip adamclip 26-30, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I went to my first therapy session today.

    . I was so nervous that I almost threw up before walking in... Then I realized I was nervous because I was going to tell someone what has been happening and I knew she was going to validate what I already know. I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic.. I...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Almost two months ago,

    I had THE moment when life hit me in the head with a brick. A rude inconsiderate comment the STBX made to something I said when he and I were having a coffee with my older sister. I didn't say anything else to him. I just went home that evening and wrote the 1st story in this...
    TheDreamyWoman TheDreamyWoman 36-40, F 8 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I tried with him this morning

    and as I let my hands caress all of him, he didn't mind. But as soon and I tried to please him he yelled no and jerked away. I felt so embarrassed for trying to have sex with my own husband. I immediately got up and left the one and went on about my morning routine. With eyes...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anyone else had to deal with this?

    What is he trying to do? Recently, I decided to try and make it work yet again between my husband and I. As all sexless marriages go, there are many more problems to deal with other than sex. For those that know me, you will know that I quit smoking almost 4 months ago (yay me...
    KittyInDisguise KittyInDisguise 31-35, F 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What makes a marriage become sexless ?

    I'm very curious about. Is it because there's no spark? If not what made it go away ? Is it because you fell out of love ? What makes married people fall out of love ?
    June4U June4U 22-25, F 20 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I need to rant a bit.

    I am flying home right now from a business trip. I will be scrambling to get to a school function for my daughter once I land. Because the event is outdoors and it will be cool this evening, I thought perhaps I should have a jacket tonight. However, I did not bring one with me...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 33 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Had an interesting development at therapy last

    night. My wife said she wants to meet with our sex therapist individually to 'dig a little deeper'. In an attempt to find out the root of her low libido and see if there's something she CAN do to fix it. This was a stunning turn of events. She not only recognized and verbalized...
    Crave15 Crave15 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I posted this song in response to another member

    and I thought I would share it here as well. I have always been a music lover (lyrics,word), and I like to credit this song for forcing me to face the fact that my entire marriage was a lie. Lalah Hathaway - Lie to Me http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vNt4v39qCQ0 Maybe this...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 1 Response 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been married 25 years.

    When the sexless time of our marriage first started about 5 years ago on and off, mostly off now a days, I was angry. I loved on, had an affair, moved out, started my life anew. Then I made the mistake of dating my husband. He said all the right things and did all the right...
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't even know where to start.

    I'm married to the girl of my dreams finally. This is my 4th marriage. Turns out she was there all along. Anyway we've been married a year. At 1st the sex was amazing!!! Couldn't get enough. Now...I want to be clear I was severely injured in a car wreck 13 years ago and am...
    Jet1975 Jet1975 36-40, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 134 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I live in a sexless marriage have been

    for the last 6 years... Just didn't realize I was until recently. In my situation i never married for love, didn't even find him attractive. But I was young and was led to believe by my elders that love would happen. Well 2 kids, numerous affairs on his end and trial separation...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Last night my father in law (lives with us in

    the front wing of our house) had my wife and daughter come in the room. In order to keep this story short I am going to give you the main points. He told my daughter he knows how very smart she is and he is tired of seeing her waste it. She either gets a job or goes to college...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been with my now husband

    for four years, married just recently in May 2014. We have three daughters, (3,3, and 1 years of age)...we have been through a lot of ups and downs, I got pregnant quickly in the beginning of our relationship with twins, that we thought would not survive...they are healthy now...
    beyondstars beyondstars 22-25, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel