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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,111 People

    In response to avalanching's consternation over

    a decided lack of action under the mistletoe in ILIASM homes, here is a mistletoe. I think all my EP ILIASM friends should be able to gather under this, and share a hug and a kiss this holiday week :-)(I may delete any driveby perv action here, this is just for our special...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 24 Responses 3 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Well, what should have been a good day has

    turned out to be not so good. I got my hair done this morning -- 3 hours in the chair & a good sized bill later & H can't even tell. No biggie, I laughed about it. But then he brought up the coconut oil I have in "his" cabinets. I've had it with everything being "his" & his...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    My own course of therapy has been validating

    and enlightening. Ironically, what I learn only draws me further away from my wife. Our couple's sessions have left me wanting. For my wife shuts down whenever attention is drawn to her. But our last session had her tip her hand, so to speak. She rhymed-off every grievance she's...
    Visionseeker1 Visionseeker1 41-45, M 10 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Hello again friends. So much has changed

    since I googled those six sad words just over a year ago. Reading your stories and those from writers in other groups have helped me to grow in ways that I never thought possible. I learned that I wasn't alone. And that it was incumbent upon me to make a change if I was going...
    livingasme livingasme 51-55, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    If I'm thrifty with the money I've gotten

    as birthday and Xmas gifts this month, I may have enough to pay a gigolo.
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 35 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well it's official. Santa is

    now a member of the iliasm group. He only comes once a year!
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    It's after 1AM on my birthday

    and i can already tell it's going to thoroughly suck! Wife had a stressful day doing mechanical things like connecting hoses to our new washing machine and trying to change a lightbulb in a fixture which has apparently broken. I have absolutely no mechanical aptitudes and...
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 16 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Article about types of love

    that demonstrates how your refuser may love you, but their idea of love may be very different than is yours. "1. The Love Triangle. According to Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love (2004), love consists of three components—intimacy (emotional closeness), passion...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 1 Response 7 hrs ago

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    I never in my life thought I would ever be in a

    sexless marriage,I lost my husband to cancer,he was more than capable to satisfy every inch of me,until he gets really sick,after he passes,I'm thinking of staying alone until I end up with a man who gets my attention,our first kiss was soft and sensual,I thought wow my body is...
    anna4862 anna4862 51-55, F 13 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    It's been over six months

    since our last encounter and even longer since the time before that. I think I'm about ready to explore other options.
    bp0093 bp0093 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    he says he still loves me

    and finds me attractive after 25 years of marriage so why do we only have sex if I initiate it? i thought men were supposed to be into sex pretty much always? i haven't always liked sex but 8 years ago i worked really hard on overcoming my trauma and hang ups about sex and my...
    Etheros Etheros 46-50, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I need to be held, adored,

    wanted, kissed, touched, appreciated, desired, rubbed, smiled at, and supported. Is that so much to ask?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    So my husband and I scheduled sex

    for last night and guess what NO SEX! Oh but he bought me a mac book pro laptop for Christmas which he gave me instead! Yea I should be thankful for the laptop I know but I would rather be intimate with my husband so we get in bed and I try to initiate and he said deng babe you...
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 10 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    So my husband said that I just needed to get a

    toy, so that's what I did. Now why is he so upset that I got one when he is the one that said for me to get one? He isn't putting out so wth! I'm so over this and beyond upset, frustrated, embarrassed!
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 34 Responses 2 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    It's really Semi-Sexless,

    we do have sex 3 times a month, all initiated by me. I feel like if I have to satisfy myself one more time It might be the last straw. I can do that on my own. I'm traditional in thinking the man's sex drive should be higher than the woman's. My husband tells me he does find me...
    Shortandsweets Shortandsweets 26-30, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Bah Humbug - I’m counting the days

    until the Christmas season and New Year’s holiday are finally over. Just twelve more days…ho, ho. ho! - It’s our last holiday as a family…my STBX and I agreed to pause on negotiating our legal settlement until after the New Year to avoid conflict and hostility right now...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    If the refuser isn't interested sex.

    I mean...prefers **** over real sex. If the refuser isn't interested in emotional, physical or spiritual bonding.. Then why do they think we would not stray? When you've communicated, clearly communicated numerous times and nothing changes...then how can they expect you to...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 12 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Dealing With My Sexless Marriage - Part 1 I

    have been putting off blogging about this for a few months for several reasons. Some of them I have forgotten. I know that what I don’t want is for you guys to feel sorry for me. It is what it is, and for now.. this is the life I have been given. I also want to say that I...
    weldonsage weldonsage 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    Merry Christmas to the group!

    It has been awhile since I have been here on ILIASM. This group has been most helpful to me in the past. There are some really remarkable people here who are genuine and caring. To everyone here, I wish a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May you all find happiness in...
    Clandestine1 Clandestine1 46-50, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Well, took a long time off from here to work on

    my sex life. It got better for a little while and now it's right back to where it was before, sexless. Refusers suck! That's it.
    Fireguy15 Fireguy15 31-35, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy solstice! This is the solstice lunar

    eclipse, Dec 21, 2010. That is so rare... I forget how many thousands of years before the next one :-). Some of us may or may not get laid before the next one :-)I post this because I think it is a fact that human emotions ebb and flow with the sun, and in some ways the winter...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Saw this on Tumblr and it cracked me up.

    😄 Merry Christmas ILIASM!
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Is their a forum for refusers?

    I would really like to know why I love this man, committed to him, get along well, great partners/parents but I just don't have a sexual attraction any longer. I apologize if it offends anyone Here by my asking but we need support too and possible solutions for change.
    forbidden67 forbidden67 46-50, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    My husband and I got married 4 years ago,

    and we don't have any sex. It's not a too terrible thing, but he can't please me any more in the bedroom. He's a real nice man, but I just wish we could take it too the bedroom :/
    Dance96 Dance96 31-35, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    My New years resolution

    for 2015 is the same as it's been since 1998.... have sex with someone. Here's hoping we all get what we need in the coming year.
    Elcoman115 Elcoman115 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 150 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    There is less mystery.

    Less spark. I know - it is about needing to be more creative - needing to work a little harder. Whereas our fires used to come like a quick flick of a lighter - it can come or not come today more like hard work of rubbing two sticks together. My complacency breeds inertia...
    Werner351 Werner351 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 46 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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