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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,824 People

    I assume most people on here would disagree

    with this at least to an extent but this is still my advice. I had everything planned when I left my marriage. I was debating it for over two years and about a six months before really put everything in motion. I had everything planned to a T except how I would feel. I...
    jencpa jencpa 31-35, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hubs and I just talked.

    He asked, are you gonna move out? I still don't know what precipitated it. What evolved was the conversation I've been dreading. I told him I don't have a plan. I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is that I've bottled myself up for so long, that I've trained my self...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 10 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    If it weren't for my children,

    I would have left a long time ago. I'm just not happy.... plain and simple. I haven't been happy for a long time but I self medicate with distractions. The distractions are just not cutting it anymore. You know what kills me? When my 5 year old son brings home drawings he...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 438 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    It's only been about a month

    but a lot has happened. My stbx is purchasing a condo about 8 miles away. The closing was yesterday. Her daughter had to attend the paperwork session for her because she is in the hospital recuperating from a hysterectomy. She had been experiencing a good deal of pain and...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 66-70, M 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    So frustrated! I work all day at a great paying

    job. The only downfall is I only get to see my wife about 30 minutes a day. I come home early tonight to surprise her and find her in bed reading. She puts it aside and rolls over on to her side to talk to me. I reach to the side table and get the massage oil and begin to give...
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    anyone at Tempe, az or whitestone,

    ny to fulfil needs?? ;))
    trueman4a trueman4a 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 46-50, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    Hello to all! I was encouraged by my dear

    friend confidant and my love to write about something I brought up in one of our conversations. It was the thinking that is it me that caused our partners to turn the way they did into refusers. What if it was our way of loving them sexually and physically. Now I know we are...
    uncorkyoursoul uncorkyoursoul 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I had sex last night with a hot irish guy .

    .the passion was amazing ...hair pulling ..throwing around the room ...he lives in Ireland ..I live in the uk we were careful ...I'm travelling home today one off won't see him again something I have never done before ..I don't feel guilty at all !! Sad but true
    lostmyselfgirl lostmyselfgirl 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Stupid me! Thinking of things are getting

    better! No, it is just a fake temporary mirage! Things will be the same.
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 15 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Consequences - As I extract myself from my

    sexless marriage, my "bad guy" T-shirt is tightening around me and making it hard to breathe. My sixteen year-old daughter (the youngest) blames our divorce on me, and has joined my STBX in accusing me of cheating on him. My daughter barely speaks to me now, and our...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    trueman4d trueman4d 26-30, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 160 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    So I'm once again in a dry patch.

    Haven't found the courage to leave but this time it's different. I now know she doesn't love me. She told me herself in the most cruel and cold way. She mocks me in her rage, and emasculates me in her rants. I never use to be so weak. I was a strong confident man. I had the...
    Sinnister Sinnister 31-35, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    I did live in a sexless marriage

    until a month ago. I finally had the courage to leave, to stand up and fight for myself! I didn't leave based solely on no sex. He was emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive as well. I wish I had done it sooner but I just didn't have any fight left in me, he had taken that...
    moeshajo moeshajo 36-40, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    My wife and I have been together

    for 19 years, married for 17. She is a self described "sure thing." That's the good news. The bad news is she seems to have no need nor desire for sex. Unless she is at least somewhat intoxicated, she doesn't seem to be fully present during sex. She seems distracted. This...
    ethotmail ethotmail 41-45, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    Note from Opposite Land.

    As some of you know, I'm out of my SM, and have been for almost two years in a romantic, affectionate, sexual relationship with a single man my age who is the love of my life. Recently, some sexual problems have come up, and I thought you'd find it interesting to see how a...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    It is bitter to see people who can't let go of

    someone or something for fear of emptiness In their life - yet their spirits are wasting away because they choose to hold on. ~Dodinsky
    silverfox54 silverfox54 61-65, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I mentioned in my last post a joint visit to

    the psychologist, he reminded me there were other things about each other other than being great lovers,,, granted that is true,,, after all these are the reasons we stay right? Or perhaps the kids,, the finances,, comfortable at home ... So I was asked by psychologist to name...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    I am planning to leave my wife

    when the kids grow up . That will not be for ten years or so but the thought that there is an exit gives me some solace . However, am I being deceitful by continuing the marriage when I know I plan to leave. Also will I really leave in ten years, or will I just keep going in an...
    sadman777 sadman777 41-45, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    At some point has anyone ever got the feeling

    their refuser was on the Down Low ?
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Living in a sexless marriage sucks!

    I hate it when she withholds sex as a way to manipulate me, but what to do about it?
    Texasparamedic410 Texasparamedic410 36-40, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I need to tell my wife

    that this site is, if nothing else, a place I would go and feel understood. Yet visiting it was a downer because, as many have stated, much of the content distils to outsourcing/divorce. In common with most stories I have been on a journey since first coming here. It began with...
    NearlyBroken NearlyBroken 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    A little humour injected into the SM group.

    ...This is why you should never take your wife to the state fair...My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"My...
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Full disclosure...my marriage isn't "sexless"

    in terms of frequency. As I stated in my first post my wife is a self proclaimed "sure thing." From a quantity standpoint, I have no business posting in this group. Having said that, it's the quality that's an issue. Although not exactly the same as truly sexless, it lacks...
    ethotmail ethotmail 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I want to know how people define "sexless".

    Presumably this site exists because of this phenom, no? But like for me It's not like there isn't any in my relationship; it's underwhelming and about 90% less than what I would like it to be.
    yourbustygirl yourbustygirl 31-35, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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