Post

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,094 People

    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Failure to Recognise RealityWhen I first came

    to EP, like most others, I claimed my marriage was great bar the sex. I even said that before my ex and I were married we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. EP Link In retrospect, I can now see that most of our nearly 20 year relationship could be considered...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So all of my talk about my exit plan went up in

    smoke today, and I saw the oncoming train and just let it happen. The ex who came back (that I want to reiterate - we have a 13-year-old son together, it was not a bitter parting as he is military and had several tours in Afghanistan and Japan all these years) is back-back...
    LynxKitty LynxKitty 36-40, F 13 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    recently i was in a serious car accident ,

    and of course it has been very traumatic and this is a time more than ever that i need my wife to be there for me to provide some love and support to me ... although the physical injuries were minimal to me ... the physcological damage has been severe due to the injuries to the...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 13 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi everyone, things are going a lot better here.

    As a reminder my husband has ED and a low T count, so for a long time he didn't have any desire to do anything more than kiss and hug. He has been on a testosterone gel for 3 weeks now to get his numbers up. It seems to be working as he has had a lot more desire to be...
    suburbanmomoftwo suburbanmomoftwo 51-55, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenario/Question: True story: I went to a

    routine physical last year on my birthday, which is on Halloween. My doctor, a young female doctor, was dressed as a housewife with curlers and a robe. We got through all the routine stuff quickly enough. Then she sat on a stool and wheeled herself over to me and asked me to...
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 77 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Curious. If there are any men here

    who find themselves to be past the point of a new start due to being unattractive to women generally, how do you envision your life post-sexless marriage?
    novembercomingfire novembercomingfire 41-45 16 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sex-Shaming I ran across this,

    buried down in a string of comments: "Actually they say the more intelligent a person is often the less sex they need..." I was a little surprised nobody had responded to that little land mine. What is it about our society that associates sex drive with negative attributes? I...
    MeNotWe MeNotWe 26-30, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm not really sure how to begin,

    or what to say... I once had a wonderful woman whom I adored and loved. Some how this all fell apart around a year ago... Sex gradually became less and less frequent.. What started as days, turned to weeks then months. As I type this, we've not been intimate in any way for...
    Jaden1971 Jaden1971 41-45 13 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't love, or find my husband physically

    attractive. If he wanted to end the marriage or find sex elsewhere I would be fine with it. He has said and done things in the past to make me feel like this. That's his karma......
    anniebeme anniebeme 46-50, F 16 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Make love, not war. It's never easy living

    with others. Whether it's our spouse, partner, stbx, parent, child, or roommate. Here's today's challenge: perform a simple act of kindness to improve the situation. Hopefully it will have a boomerang effect. If you have any good ideas, please share them. And...if they...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 37 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am 65 and my wife is 62.

    We have been together for over twenty years and married for six. I love my wife very much and tell her so frequently. We are compatible and agreeable in almost every way but one, our love life. Right after our marriage things started going south with regard to intimacy. Prior to...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 11 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think I have waited

    so long for intimacy I don't know what to do if it jumped up and slapped me in the face.
    firefly4718 firefly4718 46-50, F 24 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    When to walk away. Excellent

    article: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/knowing-when-to-walk-away-from-unrequited-love/
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 36-40, F 4 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been a member of this forum

    for nearly two years now. During this time, I have gone through the most challenging experience of my life –a divorce from my wife of nearly 30 years. To say this experience has changed my life would be a grand understatement as there has been no life experience through...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 10 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been working through this

    for a long time, and I have a question. I need to try to assess whether I am being unreasonable, going crazy, silly etc. I have been married 20 years. Sex life went seriously off the boil shortly after - children. I thought it would revive when the children got older but it...
    endofthetether endofthetether 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't live in a completely sexless marriage.

    But I live in a marriage where I am rejected if I make the first move and we only have sex if he wants to, which is rare. This means I have to push my feelings down to the point where I no longer feel anything and that makes me so sad. I feel like an empty shell of a person. I...
    lisanalfie lisanalfie 36-40, F 15 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Advice for Getting Advice I got this list of

    "advice for getting advice" in an email today. I thought it would be an excellent thing to share here especially since it's about relationships and that's pretty much why we're all here -- we want advice about a [crappy] relationship. "* In a multitude of counselors, there is...
    papaya6 papaya6 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What did people say to their partners

    when they talked about not wanting sex? Did you ask them to reconsider? Insist they get help? Did you accept it? Did you bring up the idea of getting intimacy elsewhere and keeping he relationship going?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm wondering if anyone

    who has decided to pursue divorce (as I have), began dating prior to separating. After my husband refused (for the umpteenth time) to attend counseling on 12/31/2012, I made it clear to him that I considered our marriage to be over. And from that day forward, I would be...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 11 Responses 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel so confused atm.

    Before my sex life plummeted 18 ish months ago it was very good and exciting. Hubby made me feel sexy and desirable. Sometimes though I use to wish that we could just cuddle and chat and it not always lead to sex. Now we cuddle and dry kiss, chat, and have sex about once a...
    evie36 evie36 41-45, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    biggunsatx biggunsatx 36-40, M 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The good news is my husband seems to be more

    interested in having sex since our last talk (the one about being afraid of not satisfying me completely since ). He mentions it more frequently and it's not just a pity thing from what I can tell. We're still not actually having sex as often as I would like but it's a step in...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm mixed up tonight.

    I'll start by saying that I've had more sex in the last four months then I did in the previous two years. Sounds impressive on the surface but in reality that means I've had sex three times in the last four months. Don't get me wrong, going from an average of once every six...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel like I'm too hound to be having this

    problem, it's been going on for at least 5 years. Down to once every 3 months or less
    Jcchris321 Jcchris321 31-35, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 102 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes I feel that things happen quickly.

    And that they happen for a reason. Two weeks, wow! A lot has been packed into these last two weeks. First of all, my sister is a lot younger than me, for those who do not know, she is 21 and pregnant. She had a health scare two weeks ago, she kept saying she was tired, looked it...
    katzlaw katzlaw 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How do you establish what your time limit

    should be? . Many of you in this group have suggested to set a time limit on how long you are willing to live in the sexless marriage. One of my best friends suggested this to me, just about a year ago too. I'm struggling on how to determine my end date. I think it would be...
    Musicalangel13 Musicalangel13 31-35, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had heard about love addiction

    and love avoidant personalities and today *just* finally got it, that that's exactly where I am. I was in a bookstore and found a book by Pia Mellody titled: Facing Love Addiction-Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love. It's as if the book is specifically written...
    bluegreenseascape bluegreenseascape 46-50, F 7 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 44 Responses Dec 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013