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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,107 People

    Got out of this group,

    but now I need to vent. Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Was alone most of the day. Hubby was at work till about 5. I had gotten some cash, but he had suggested we go out to eat. I also suggested a movie but he was kinda tired from work. Which is fine. We can wait till Sunday...
    mrsklemzak mrsklemzak 36-40, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    If I'm thrifty with the money I've gotten

    as birthday and Xmas gifts this month, I may have enough to pay a gigolo.
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 33 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    It's been over six months

    since our last encounter and even longer since the time before that. I think I'm about ready to explore other options.
    bp0093 bp0093 41-45, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 150 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Well, what should have been a good day has

    turned out to be not so good. I got my hair done this morning -- 3 hours in the chair & a good sized bill later & H can't even tell. No biggie, I laughed about it. But then he brought up the coconut oil I have in "his" cabinets. I've had it with everything being "his" & his...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Great start to our weekend getaway

    so far. Spent the morning with our boys before heading out at around 10AM to the hot springs. I could tell the wife was still a little nervous about the clothing optional bit...so I told her if she wasn't comfortable with it we didn't have to go, but she insisted that it was...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's really Semi-Sexless,

    we do have sex 3 times a month, all initiated by me. I feel like if I have to satisfy myself one more time It might be the last straw. I can do that on my own. I'm traditional in thinking the man's sex drive should be higher than the woman's. My husband tells me he does find me...
    Shortandsweets Shortandsweets 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Is it sexless because there is no love?

    Or loveless because there's no sex?
    Fluftytufty Fluftytufty 36-40, F 23 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Younger women dating older men mainly

    because younger women are attracted older men. older men mature, confident, stable .Mature guys always know how to treat their women.These younger women are looking for their age gap love romance.For older men, Younger women older men relationships will surely make an older man...
    adeleccaa adeleccaa 26-30, F 23 mins ago

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    Saw this on Tumblr and it cracked me up.

    😄 Merry Christmas ILIASM!
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    In response to avalanching's consternation over

    a decided lack of action under the mistletoe in ILIASM homes, here is a mistletoe. I think all my EP ILIASM friends should be able to gather under this, and share a hug and a kiss this holiday week :-)(I may delete any driveby perv action here, this is just for our special...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 24 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 46 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    So I have spent every holiday (birthday too)

    alone for as long as I know. Nobody has ever really loved me. It is so sad because I think I am really wonderful. Stings!!!!
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    As I mentioned in an earlier post,

    I filed for divorce from my STBX in October. Amazingly enough, he never saw it coming and was shocked when the sheriff's officer served him with the papers at his place of employment. After the last time he refused my attempts for intimacy last February, I reached an epiphany...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    I need to be held, adored,

    wanted, kissed, touched, appreciated, desired, rubbed, smiled at, and supported. Is that so much to ask?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Is their a forum for refusers?

    I would really like to know why I love this man, committed to him, get along well, great partners/parents but I just don't have a sexual attraction any longer. I apologize if it offends anyone Here by my asking but we need support too and possible solutions for change.
    forbidden67 forbidden67 46-50, F 12 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Well, took a long time off from here to work on

    my sex life. It got better for a little while and now it's right back to where it was before, sexless. Refusers suck! That's it.
    Fireguy15 Fireguy15 31-35, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well it's official. Santa is

    now a member of the iliasm group. He only comes once a year!
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Younger women dating older men mainly

    because younger women are attracted older men. older men mature, confident, stable .Mature guys always know how to treat their women.These younger women are looking for their age gap love romance.For older men, Younger women older men relationships will surely make an older man...
    adeleccaa adeleccaa 26-30, F 27 mins ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Happy solstice! This is the solstice lunar

    eclipse, Dec 21, 2010. That is so rare... I forget how many thousands of years before the next one :-). Some of us may or may not get laid before the next one :-)I post this because I think it is a fact that human emotions ebb and flow with the sun, and in some ways the winter...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So my husband said that I just needed to get a

    toy, so that's what I did. Now why is he so upset that I got one when he is the one that said for me to get one? He isn't putting out so wth! I'm so over this and beyond upset, frustrated, embarrassed!
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 33 Responses 1 day ago

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    he says he still loves me

    and finds me attractive after 25 years of marriage so why do we only have sex if I initiate it? i thought men were supposed to be into sex pretty much always? i haven't always liked sex but 8 years ago i worked really hard on overcoming my trauma and hang ups about sex and my...
    Etheros Etheros 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    There is less mystery.

    Less spark. I know - it is about needing to be more creative - needing to work a little harder. Whereas our fires used to come like a quick flick of a lighter - it can come or not come today more like hard work of rubbing two sticks together. My complacency breeds inertia...
    Werner351 Werner351 41-45, M 35 mins ago

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    Why do people make it

    so hard to be in a relationship. The way I look at is that if you don't want to make love, cuddle, communicate or whatever, then just leave. Why say you love someone and not take action by showing them you love them. I just don't get it. I'm a curvy girl in a same-sex...
    Mystic71 Mystic71 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Merry Christmas to the group!

    It has been awhile since I have been here on ILIASM. This group has been most helpful to me in the past. There are some really remarkable people here who are genuine and caring. To everyone here, I wish a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May you all find happiness in...
    Clandestine1 Clandestine1 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Ah, the dry, sexless holidays are upon us!

    Are your refusers taking extra measures to make sure you don't get your hopes up for a sexy Christmas, a marginal thrill under mistletoe, or any meaningful New Years' resolutions with real follow-through this year? How are they finding new and creative ways to avoid the...
    avalanching avalanching 41-45, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Last night's vivid/exciting dream,

    coupled with my husband's current depressive mood, has prompted me to be more spontaneous in an attempt to be happier. I dreamt of an ex-boyfriend, who I think about every now and then (he's a newly-wed now). It was a non-sexual dream, so don't worry. I was swimming near a...
    AACCBBLL AACCBBLL 22-25, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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