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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,145 People

    The Two Great ILIASM Lies.

    #1 - "everything is great bar the sex" #2 - "if I know 'why' then I can fix it" I reckon these two lies have held up more ILIASM members progress than the thousands of Persians the 300 Spartans held up at Thermopylae Tread your own path.
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    2005 - 2015 - What's Different ?

    2005 - I was still in my ILIASM deal 2015 - I am in the relationship of my life 2005 - I was living in suburbia 2015 - I am living in a small country town 2005 - I had a very financially rewarding job 2015 - I have a part time job and some volunteer work that I find very...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    6 months into fixing our SM-Part 1: Many of my

    friends on ILIASM have encouraged me to post an update. Here goes: Well, it has been 6 months since "the talk" last December. I threatened to leave, changed over bank accounts, had bags packed, etc. and gave her an ultimatum. It FINALLY got her attention. We have been...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    The lack of sex is painful.

    The lack of an emotional bond is more painful. Just not understanding and being understood, painful more so. Just the heart wrenching realization that it will not get better, no matter my fantasies, my heart sinks, my body revolts. I know what I need to do for me, but I...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 46-50, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    For those of us trying to leave

    and feeling stuck. http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/04/06/david-whyte-the-journey-house-of-belonging/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Thought-provoking NY Times article

    that indicates that marriage counseling is advancing in ways that may benefit couples in SM. Here are some excerpts, but take the time to read the whole thing. "First Comes Sex Talk With These Renegades of Couples Therapy By AMY SOHN JULY 1, 2015 Is the classic postcoital...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    http://iheartintelligence.

    com/2015/06/30/health-benefits-of-sex/
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 3 hrs ago

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    I've done a little writing

    as an outlet for my frustration: http://myverydarkside.tumblr.com
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 4 hrs ago

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    Omg. I never knew what a sexless marriage was.

    I always blamed myself, that I was no good, that if only I did this or that or was a better person things would get better. I have been in a SM for ten ******* years, and I finally had a break-down this past December. I googled "why won't my wife have sex with me?" And learned...
    bornin65 bornin65 46-50, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Got Divorced before a 4 days.

    It was over a long time ago, and now it's over officially. From Mr.excuses to STBX and now just Ex. Relieved I have a friend, who is stuck in a bad marriage. We were talking and surprisingly, tears started rolling down my cheeks. He asked me the reason, and I was speechless. I...
    coolvolatile coolvolatile 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    You are walking through a desert

    and come across an oasis. There is a sign that says the water is poisoned. Would you suddenly lose your thirst? This is how I feel with my wife. Last night I just wanted to kiss her. Her response was her breath wasn't fresh. I told her it didn't matter I just want to kiss her...
    drpcowboy drpcowboy 31-35, M 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Does anyone know what happened to fellow EP

    member Hylierandom? It's been a year since she last logged in, and left a message that she wasn't posting anymore stories until EP fixed some issues. Anyone else remember her? She had been very active in here. I hope that she's happy.
    FreewritingFreyja FreewritingFreyja 26-30, F 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    I just had the thought,

    "One good thing about living alone is that it's clothing-optional." . Then I realized: if I was in a *good* love and sex relationship.....THAT should be clothing-optional. (Assuming it's just the two of you.)
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Ah, sweet revenge. I gave a speech this morning

    to about 2,000 people. My size 0 skirt is getting a little tight and my husband noticed that I've put on some weight. He wished me luck on my way out, and said, "Go Team Chunky Monkey". A-hole. . I just called my AP/boyfriend/lover. Going to spend the afternoon having some hot...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 23 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Sex for me is not only pleasurable,

    it makes a woman feel wanted, desired, needed and loved. My husband and j have been together for 10 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not pretty enough for him to want to do that with me or what it is. I am 7 years younger than him so maybe that's the issue?? I'm in my prime and...
    Emj30135 Emj30135 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I found this site on the web

    for asexual's (i'm not one, hubby could be one I guess) but the point is, there is a group for sexual spouses of these asexual people. So they can go there for support. They seem to generally be looking for support and it seems really positive. Just thought i'd post it. The...
    Janicecakes Janicecakes 31-35, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Three Years in ILIASM This June marked my

    third-year anniversary on ep/iliasm. What a trip it has been, and the ride isn’t quite over. After 19 months of separation, my ex is still wearing his wedding ring. We don’t have a legal custody arrangement, nor does he pay child support. He would not go to mediation...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Cautionary tale: Ahhh the sexless marriage.

    ... My first marriage was sexless. It was almost sexless before marriage. I thought marriage would make it better and my husband had madonna/***** issues that would be ok after he made an honest woman of me. Um, nope sex declined after marriage and within the first year we had...
    bpdwifelife bpdwifelife 41-45, F 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    My wife is nearly asexual.

    We met when we where very young and Married young. Over time a number of mental and physical issues have emerged that make it even worse. When we do have sex it is boring and what I call "pity sex". The problem extends beyond sex as my 39 year old wife behaves like a 70 year old...
    394950al 394950al 36-40, M 3 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Tales from early in opposite land: I've moved

    out and am getting settled into my new place. It's near the old place so I'm in a familiar neighborhood looking at my town from the same perspective as always. I liked that part of my life and am glad I could almost keep it intact. So far I love the freedom. I love that I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Okay, there comes a time in every girl's life

    when she needs to replace her toys. I figured that this group would be the best place for advice on the best new 'toys' for me.oops wrong picture...oh well, you get the gist.So ....I want to replace all my toys with new ones, I'm bored with the same ole same ole.  Colour is...
    luminesce luminesce 51-55, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    I Live In a Sexless Marriage Update

    and some thoughts from Oppositeland that may help you get insights into your own sexless relationship. I've been exhausted from job hunting and renovating my house, so when I've gone to bed the last 2 nights, lovemaking was not on my mind, sleep was. But, my post SM guy...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 10 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Today I asked my husband

    if there was any chance I could get lucky tonight, he smiled and said "later". Which means "no". We had a talk about how he thinks it's normal that he doesn't want to have sex. He asked me... "What if things were turned, what if you didn't want to have sex and I did, all the...
    URLOVED4EVA URLOVED4EVA 26-30, F 14 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 19 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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