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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,936 People

    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 9, 2015

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Regarding Divorce My brain is a mushy

    disorganised mess. I can't concentrate, I'm easily distracted. My mind wanders. I'm finding it hard to function at an any way near productive level. I've missed an important deadline. I believe this to be normal. My therapist and Family Doctor say it will pass. But does it...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 13 Responses 6 days ago

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    Post-separation musings: I am actually not

    dating at the moment, but I am considering it for the more distant future and considering if it turns out to be the case I don't feel like dating after all, would I have been better off just working on self-improvement and owning a decision to stay in a sexless marriage, letting...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    http://hellogiggles.com/alarm-clock-*******/ Today in things that exist: This alarm clock that wakes you up with an ****** On average, most of us hit the “snooze” button on our alarm clocks about 98274987234 times every morning. OK, maybe that’s a *slight* hyperbole, but...
    TexasFreebird TexasFreebird 46-50, M 6 Responses a week ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 181 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 60 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    There's been a smattering of discussion in the

    group about Valentine's Day. So, as a public service to all of us wondering if we would have that special moment this year...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 231 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Publico tu Oración para que le ayudes a otras

    muchas mas mujeres, así sea. PON TUS INICIALES Y LAS DE TU AMADO, HAZ LA NOVENA CON AMOR, RESPETO Y SOBRE TODO MUCHA MUCHA FE A LA REINA Y PUBLICALA EN 7 ALTARES EN AGRADECIMIENTO, ELLA TE ESCUCHARÁ NUNCA LO DUDES!! Por los poderes de la tierra, por la presencia del fuego...
    anonimato anonimato 46-50, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Looking back over the last 30 years I often

    wonder what would have happened if I had never married. I know for sure I wouldn't have been sexless all that time. I expect that, like when I was single I'd be still having lots of sex with a variety of women. I also often wonder that the sudden feelings of loneliness that...
    beensolong115 beensolong115 51-55, M 4 Responses a week ago

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    I am two days into my new reality.

    My road to moving my h out of this house. We had the talk (the suck-balls talk) on Thursday night. When I got home from work, he had shaved his head. (!!) Something he had never ever done. And he did some organizing and purging of his man cave. This was encouraging to me...
    momtonandg momtonandg 46-50, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 35 Responses Mar 31, 2015

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Divorce and people around me We're divorcing.

    It's now known in all our circles of friends. My friends and my family are supportive, very. I don't spend time talking badly about my soon to be ex husband, as the anger, frustration, shame has gone. I've told who needs to know, who I wanted to know about the nature of my...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 21 Responses 6 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Hello everyone. Well I too am in the sexless

    marriage. We have grown so far apart I swear it's like living with a stranger. 90% of the time he's in one room I'm in another. Rarely do we have sex. I know he's cheated because I have caught him red handed. We worked through if but now I suspect he's cheating again. He's...
    countrymama1992 countrymama1992 36-40, F 11 Responses 6 days ago

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    No more STBX Well it's official I am a single

    lady today. I went down to the courthouse by myself just like everything else I usually do. I appeared in front of of judge with my attorney my H waived his right to answer which was a good thing. I'm finally free and at peace from being under the same roof as him but being...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 39 Responses Jan 20

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    Feast or famine, right?

    Famine or feast. My wife hadn't had sex with me in, like, forever. She even told me she's asexual. We'd been "round the mulberry bush" about it in therapy. On Saturday I told her I couldn't deal with it anymore. It was just too painful. On Sunday, just hours before she was...
    BinaryBill BinaryBill 61-65, M 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    Another football Sunday,

    and we go again... Lucy's got the ball teed up, and Charlie Brown has backed up a few yards so he can get a good running start for an hellacious kickoff!!! Oh, I'm raring to go, people. I woke up this morning and my little soldier was already doing his drill exercises. Hup...
    BinaryBill BinaryBill 61-65, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    4 tips --- * there is always a root cause

    *stop the blame game *self criticism *restart sexual intimacy
    Rifkyroshan Rifkyroshan 26-30, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Not completely sexless

    but definitely have slowed way way way down. Still love my wife and she's my best friend but I have thought about seeking sex elsewhere...
    dezainah dezainah 46-50, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 435 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Update: I did it! Originally I planned to tell

    my husband later in the week, that I want a divorce but when he came to bed at 3 am he complained about his kidneys hurting. All I could think about was if he ends up in the hospital I will never have the guts to tell him I want out. So I decided right there and then tonight...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 40 Responses Sep 15, 2015

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 175 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    He's amazing. He is a fantastic parent to his

    kids. He's so calm- I've never really seem him lose his temper, even when he's angry or upset. He remembers little things I tell him. He always wants to see me, touch me, kiss me, hug me. In bed, he is the best lover I've ever had. He talks me through my problems when I'm...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Different perspective.

    I am male 48 years old happily Married 11 years, together for 25 years. In our past we have done it a million times Our average now is once every year and a half for the past 5 years not sure what the big deal is .I'm am just old and value sleep more. Thought that was...
    Lightenup48 Lightenup48 46-50, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm bored with s*xting.

    The women on the other end seem to love my erotica, but for me, nothing compares to flesh upon flesh. I can download pics from the Internet. Sorry--I'm feeling lonely and cranky. :)
    FineGrind FineGrind 56-60 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 26 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Reading so many stories.

    Everyone has their own truth. It's different for everyone but there are always similarities in our stories. I acknowledge that I haven't had a bona fide SM (10-12 per yr) but it's damn close. And even if it was more numerically, it was not close to being intimate or...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 550 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    OK my dear EPers ...I did it.

    I told him that it is time to put this lousy marriage out if its misery. The conversation went remarkably well. I had no clue how it would go. The thing is that the sex thing only factored in slightly - there are so many other problems. He even seemed encouraged to make friends...
    momtonandg momtonandg 46-50, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Valentine's Day is coming,

    and if you're dreading it, then take action now to give yourself the happiest day possible. If you are married to a refuser, admit that there is nothing you can do to make your spouse love you or act toward you the way you want. Presumably, since you are married, what you...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    I'm starting to work through a process with my

    husband (who I believe is asexual) to create a "new" kind of marriage. One in which we agree to stay married because we do love, care, respect, support each other but one in which there is not monogamy, because well, there is no sex. We are doing this for the kids, to provide a...
    rustyblueday rustyblueday 46-50, F 19 Responses 2 days ago

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    My husband and I have been married

    for 3 years and it has never been easy. We both work the same demanding job and have had many ups and downs. Lately I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. He is so focused on playing video games it's like he's not even a husband and more so a roommate. We still sleep in the same...
    confused500 confused500 22-25, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am a New Member at Experience Project Well,

    not exactly... Or let's say, compared to some fellow EPeeps... Two years ago, this day, February 13th, lost and cast adrift, completely in denial about the state of my marriage, while fooling around online, aimlessly like a blind fly flying blind, I was googling something...
    neeia neeia 41-45, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Butterfly. A week from today,

    it's good old Saint V again. To all those who will spend the next Sunday alone, again, I have just the right movie for you. Here's a brief synopsis by Moi, those who want to watch the movie completely unspoiled, skip through to the link at the end of the story... Thank me...
    neeia neeia 41-45, F 8 Responses 6 days ago

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    stumbled upon this

    tonight: http://asexstarvedwife.tumblr.com/post/81644838669/this-is-how-you-lose-her-you-lose-her-when-you
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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