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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,304 People

    Minefield behind me, minefield in front of me,

    and I’m in a ? . My mom has borderline personality disorder (bpd). My two kids have forms of bpd. My wife is quite unlike my mom in interests and outlook, and that's one of the reasons I married her. . I see my therapist today and describe an epic meltdown my wife had this...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My sexless anniversary.

    For our 20th anniversary the wife and I exchanged "humorous" cards. Typical show for our daughter and father in law. The wife asks the daughter loudly if she has medicine for cramps. As if my refuser thinks I am going to grovel for sex. Yeah right. She said she was going to the...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Just an Update As my husband deleted my prior

    account, EinEngel, thinking Experience Project was an affair website (laughable but sad), I will summarize my past for the newbies: 1. Married at age 37 to a German 13 years my senior. 2. Two years into the marriage, the sex dissipated and his drinking problem ensued. This bad...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 7 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I filed for divorce at the beginning of summer

    & it saved my life. Literally... The feelings of doom & despair have been lifted. It's tough on some days but nothing compared to the daily walking on egg shells & constant rejection I felt in my marriage. My EX is already living with another woman & from what I hear he has...
    gracehopepeace gracehopepeace 31-35, F 12 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I have been married for 7 years

    and so lonely for most of them. I was blinded by the idea of family. Before we were married we had sex but honestly if I look back not very good sex, always felt forced by him. He was always selfish. Then our wedding night nothing and just got worse from there. For awhile I...
    Freespirithelp Freespirithelp 41-45, F 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 144 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Wife had her physical today.

    Got a full thyroid panel, checking hormone levels too (although doc said not to be concerned about her still lactating until she is a year out from stopping breastfeeding). Biggest thing though was switching her from Lexapro to Wellbutrin - wife said that she explained to her...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    First bickering in 4 days: We have this

    retarded habit and I still don't understand it. She will say something to me and like a good conversationalist I will repeat it back in my own words to verify I have heard her right. She will pick on a detail and state I've got it wrong. So for the next 10 minutes we hash out...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Cinderella's Step Sister.

    I've been in a relationship with a good, kind man for almost 14 years. I like him most of the time, I love him most of the time, and I hate him some of the time. We met when we were in our early 20s, and now, in our mid-30s, I'm not sure if there is a 'we' anymore. Of course...
    yrjkng yrjkng 36-40, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Its a sad state of affairs

    when my mammogram appointment this morning was the first opportunity l had to have my breasts held and squeezed in over 2 years. Hmmm. I can think of better ways, but such is life.
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just another day. Reading some of the other

    articles here and I've noticed that I am certainly not as bad off as a lot of people. I was going to list them but to be honest unless I rewrote it 200x I'd probably word it wrong. So on the whole initiation thing she's mainly on the not gonna side but on the rare (very rare...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Update from yesterday Got up on the morning,

    only task planned was getting our blood tests together. She fasted having been told she had to and I didn't for the same reason. Made breakfast for the kids and got them off to school. She mentions wanting to go out for lunch together so I jump on that (she hasnt wanted to get...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Top 3 traits your ideal partner would have?

    Besides a sex drive! Does your partner have those? 1. Empathy 2. Sense of humor 3. Intelligence My STBX has 2 and 3. But without 1, the other two don't really matter.
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 14 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Ok there UK people who have had counselling -

    who did you use? Relate? Someone else?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    From h: sorry to bother you,

    just worried about your night. I know you will be drinking and flirting with guys. It bothers me with our current situation. I trust you but can't help but be concerned. Me: Flirting??I'm sorry your concerned but it's not an issue or something I'm even considering.I'm going...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    today is a tragic change!

    I am lost! Loss of words today. He ask me to go somewhere..... Ok! Why? He bring a girl home! :o I was modified. So left shortly! 'Cause I dont wanna know who! I finally look at apts. :) Well it is processing...... He doesn't know what I have done. Just update u all...
    girlyloveorange girlyloveorange 31-35, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Had a thought...will probably come up in

    couples therapy next Wednesday, but wanted to do a little experiment in the meantime before then. In looking back to August, have things improved in the bedroom? Ostensibly yes. Except for a brief period after surgery we pretty much have done it at least once a week, one time...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Maybe I just take things too personal.

    ... H and I were both off from work today. Our daughter was at school so I figured today would be a good day to "spend some time together". He was in the living room watching tv I went in there and announced to him u was getting a shower. Now one would think he would have taken...
    ADixie4You2Know ADixie4You2Know 36-40, F 56 Responses 1 day ago

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    Today was my husbands b'day.

    After work I took him out to dinner. It was absolutely delicious. He had a nice time I think. Ran a couple of errands afterwards and came back for the grand kids to sing happy birthday and have cake. We talked but it was nonsense talk. No holding hands no kisses. Then people...
    Sweetpea379 Sweetpea379 46-50, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I am feeling lost, or losing a part of myself.

    I love my husband, and he loves me. But we have not had sex for 4 years. We actually are a very good team, we work together, we built a company together, we have been living together for 6 years. There is quite an age difference between us, 15 years. At the beginning of the...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 14 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Into the AbyssSo, I arrive

    for the third counseling session.  The building is a bit run-down with a 70’s sort of vibe.  The parking situation is an odd combination of parking lot and garage with unnecessarily low clearance.  It really doesn’t improve the mood as dread has been...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 7 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Sometimes I can't believe it's been over 3

    years. Just wanted to get that out there and to let you know, that your not alone, I can't believe how many people are all in this same experience. So I suppose we are not alone, it is not us, it's our partners.
    carrieAberdeen carrieAberdeen 31-35, F 23 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Good-bye EP Friends! Hello to all members of

    this forum, but especially those whom I have come to know over the past two years. I am here to say goodbye. I am very grateful to this forum for the validation, kindness, advice, and even the love sometimes that I received while going through the most challenging event of...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    The wife has been away on business

    for a few days and came home tonight. Part of me wanted to welcome her home with a hug and a kiss. But, I just could not bring myself to do it. Then I heard her say to my daughter that she had tomorrow off and a feeling of cold dread came over me. I do not look forward to a...
    Snowman12345 Snowman12345 56-60, M 5 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Peace.. I felt it last night.

    It's been awhile since I've felt peace. Turmoil seems to fill its place most of the time. I can't wait to be peaceful again. It felt good! It was better then sex..just sayn.
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Since I started posting here everything has

    changed. W has declared she will no longer work at improving our physical relationship and that I should feel free to seek that type of gratification elsewhere. This should be a huge relief to me as I really believe this is the best arrangement we could have right now. Instead...
    RandomPrecision RandomPrecision 46-50, M 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Staying Married for the Sake of the Kids -

    The following article published in Teen Vogue this month was written by someone who's parents divorced when she was a teenager - we could all learn something from this insightful young woman: Ten Reasons I’m a Better Person Because My Parents Divorced Whenever I hear the...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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