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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,906 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I don't trust you. Not in the cheating way,

    but I don't trust how you might react or influence our son when I walk out the door. I don't trust you to remain a loving mother when you're left with all the responsibility of being a mother.
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    We finally had reset sex last week.

    And it was horrible. No intimacy, no kissing, just him going at it and getting it over with as soon as possible. He's away on business now and I'm left feeling more depressed than ever because when we weren't having sex I at least could hope that if/when we did we would...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Even the President of the most powerful country

    of the world couldn't control the pain of a "sex less marriage". lmao!
    hyrok40 hyrok40 36-40, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    My W had some information

    and a question for me this morning. She informed me that an ED clinic had opened in a city about 15 miles from us. The center was advertising guaranteed results for $99. The ad also had a testimonial from an 88yr.old woman whose 92yr. old husband had the procedure and had been...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Have any of you thought about what your

    spouse's Ashley Madison profile would say? How about this? ""Looking for a platonic affair. I'm in a LT relationship with someone constantly demanding sex even though we do it once every 10 years, even if I don't feel like it. I need some relief! Lots of cuddling and hand...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 20 Responses 3 days ago

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    This is it? Your checklist is complete?

    You have the career you constantly have to bring up in conversation with friends and total strangers....don't misunderstand, you've worked hard to achieve success , but people are starting to roll their eyes every time you bring up the subject. We have an awesome child...
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Is anyone else having to "dig" to find ILIASM

    experiences? It's been days since new stories appeared in my feed? Feeling left out :(
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 147 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I'm so tired of jacking off its crazy,

    I work at night so when I get off she's sleeping f#ckkkkk! It's frustrating!
    1handsomeMan29 1handsomeMan29 26-30, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I just need to rant because I can't sleep.

    So I just had another TALK with him about all our problems, our sexless marriage, that I feel lonely in this relationship and that despite so many times we had the TALK about improving our relationship but nothing has changed. And his response was "I don't know what to say...
    surfiehall surfiehall 31-35, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    My son had his 16th birthday this week.

    He was born at 1:04 pm, so on Tuesday, shortly after 1:00, my wife sent me a text: Remember what we were doing at 1:00 pm 16 years ago? I remember, and seeing my son born was amazing, but to confess, my mind also wandered back to what we were doing 9 months prior to my son...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 10 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    My husband and I used to have a great sex life.

    Never missed a day. There was foreplay, kissing, and exploring of our bodies!! Fast forward to now and there nothing. Why is it that it starts out so good but ends so bad? Am I crazy to want it to last forever?
    jhoney21 jhoney21 31-35, F 19 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    The mental block. So those of us trying to

    rebuild our marriages after being sexless for many years probably run into a similar situation. Both partners are trying to rebuild, but the partner who had been refused in the first place is worried that any interest in sex is temporary, or reset sex, as we commonly say on...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I am a small business owner

    and my wife is a stay at home mom who also homeschools our 2 kids. The business is growing, though not as fast as I'd like, and we struggle to make ends meet. My wife does some contract work, and resents the fact that I don't yet earn enough to provide a single income. That...
    Chicodaman Chicodaman 41-45, M 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    Date Nite - The Big Picture Sunday caught

    me in a melancholy mood, but good hubby was back.  Or mostly back, as I did send the nurse a note thanking her for spending her evening with me.  I did not immediately get a reply.  Nothing about that occurred to me as unusual.   While continuing to work...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    14 years of marriage,

    18 years together and sex has never been a priority for my husband. He was sexually abused by a camp counselor as a child and that abuse has affected our relationship, I'm just not sure he realizes it. Previous relationships in my past have always been sexually satisfying. Now I...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    So, a question for everyone.

    I message with a few of the ladies here on EP. I consistently hear from them that any time they post a message in the Sexless Marriage or Unhappy Marriage forums they get at least six to ten messages from guys offering them sex or sending them pictures of their wiener. This...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    So, here I am again. I just had to email the

    lawyer to have him served. He said he would sign, but so far hasn't. And when I emailed him asking if he had/would- I got scripture and some sentiments about where is my btit? UGH. This sucks. My parents are just... still absent, which is fine, but the silence is pregnant with...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Well she brought it up tonight.

    The D word. We got in an argument not even in person but in texts and she says we need to talk about splitting up. Says we cant even work together on the most basic things without fighting about it. She says we're not even freinds. That kinda hurt. This whole thing hurts. Gonna...
    harleyman2169 harleyman2169 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband and I have been married

    for 15 1/2 years. We are both professionals, and we have good jobs. From the outside everything looks wonderful. We travel. We don't have children. He's withheld sex from me for four years. The last time he was willing to try was in 2010. We've gone on beautiful vacations, and I...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 13 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    So emotionally tired from many things

    and this complete lack of respect towards me by my refuser is keeping me angry all the time. I'm so tired I wish to fall asleep and have a heart attack and die. I struggle so much in life without this sexless relationship but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 2 Responses 41 mins ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I'm trying to text with my left pointer finger

    so forgive any typos. The surgery went well. They gave me a pain block so yesterday I was quite numb on the right side. I'm on anti nausea meds to help me tolerate the Vicodin. So far so good. I have a six inch incision & a metal plate on my right outer arm bone. The cast is...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    My husband has not touched me in almost 2 years

    and it is driving me crazy. He tells me it's not me, that he can't perform. Hard to believe that after all this time. We are basically roommates. I've already been divorced once and really don't want to go through it again.
    meggie927 meggie927 36-40, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well color me confused.

    I'm away on business and texted my wife when I landed. This is the same W that didn't say goodbye or has even talked to me since she walked out on our couples therapy last week. But I don't want to play that game. I don't want to treat unkindness with unkindness. As much...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I hate that I still want it.

    I wish I could turn off the desire and need for sex and intimacy like she has. I feel like its all i think about and my life has stalled waiting for a change. Maybe if I could embrace celibacy and isolation I wouldn't be so depressed and resentful.
    philosdaddy philosdaddy 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'm married but committed

    for family responsibilities though my wife has medical problems really limit our sexlife however I think a lot of it is drive or a perversed mind and not dwell where there is a gulf I guess good escapism for me is to chat with people anonymously in chat rooms. I do not seek to...
    endura20 endura20 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie RaittTurn

    down the lights;Turn down the bed.Turn down these voicesInside my head.Lay down with me;Tell me no lies.Just hold me close;Don't patronize.Don't patronize me.[Chorus:]'Cuz I can't make you love meIf you don't.You can't make your heart feelSomething it won't.Here in the darkIn...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 4 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Woke up, turned on Pornhub,

    diddled myself. It took 3 minutes and was wholly unsatisfactory. Just leading up to the action on the **** site revs me up, then it just gets gross. Fighting the urge to grab a second helping of Mac and cheese. Damn, I am a good cook.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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