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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,803 People

    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 21 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    So since Christmas we have had sex 4 times

    and that's only because I try to instigate it. If I was to wait for her to I would wait months and months. My marriage just fells like being back in the friend zone no intimacy just feels like I'm living with a flat m8 now :( not sure what to do as my sex drive is high not...
    Andyc1982 Andyc1982 31-35, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    My wife is distant , cold ,

    unloving and says she has no passion but won't deny me sex! She says she loves me but doesn't show it in anyway. Quick kiss at the most, no hugging, touching. She doesn't understand that lying back and being unresponsive during "sex" is totally unfulfilling and demolarising...
    jspiscean jspiscean 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Final Act You come to me in the night my

    little succubus shining and willing Seeking to lure me into delights that have been long missing from life I can almost feel your skin against mine as the mists hide you once more Hearing your laughter taunting just beyond the edge of madness lurking Sleep has been long coming...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Oh dear- I wish I had seen this

    before we split up...
    Time2ChangeNow Time2ChangeNow 41-45, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    "Hey thanks again for helping with the trash.

    You know you still live here" This was my morning text from my STBX. Never mind that I cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, did three loads of laundry, swaggered the floors, collected the trash from the house and took out three bags worth and brought the cans out to the...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 8 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 234 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    happyhornet happyhornet 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    We haven't had sex since we conceived my son.

    He us now seventeen. She had post-parted depression, so I was understanding and supportive and patient. Then her reason for not wanting sex was because we had a child in the house. She wanted a sibling for him, but apparently no one ever explained to her how that whole process...
    greenarrow02170 greenarrow02170 51-55, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Here is a song and video

    for my friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elq0_COa8sU&feature=youtu.be
    DeborahManning DeborahManning 51-55, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I wonder how many refusers think of sex

    as a tool? Just something to use to get a job done and once that job is done, they put the tool away. Like a screwdriver (pun intended) or a wrench. In my own situation my wife used sex to secure the relationship and to have children, after those jobs were done the tool got...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 6 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Alabama boy singing our plight- take a listen!

    Til someone needs medical help or, the magnolias bloom... http://youtu.be/NaUCDqWzy1k
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband kissed my best friend.

    Should I be mad? Maybe. I am the awful wife who denies sex with my husband all the time. Long story short.... We've been married 11 years and have had alot of ups and downs and ultimately for alot of reasons have found myself now completely devoid of any sexual attraction to...
    nelloyamongstelpope nelloyamongstelpope 26-30, F 45 Responses 1 day ago

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    So here goes...This is a freekin' novel length

    post so bear with me. Hi my name isn't really Summer but I do live in a sexless marriage. There is a lot of background to this, so I know I don't need to ask why this is happening. I just need to get it all out. My husband (JJ) and I have known each other for almost 22...
    SummerBirdsong SummerBirdsong 41-45, F 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    On July 23 of this year,

    I will have lived in a sexless marriage for 11 years. During that time, I have been totally faithful and consider this to be involuntary celibacy. For most of the time, I remained because we had five children at home and I was dealing with the aftermath of breast cancer. I had...
    mywash mywash 61-65, F 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Just brilliant series,

    very informative. Don't know if they are available in your country,I would strongly recommend them to anyone. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05qsll9
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 1 day ago

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    Question: Would you

    rather have a spouse that A: Holds you hand, cuddles you all the time, makes little romantic gestures etc but won't have sex. B: Wants sex but outside the bedroom isn't romantic, touching or says "I love you" without prompting. I know we expect/want both in marriage But I am...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 46-50, M 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    I don't live in a sexless marriage.

    I have sex with my boyfriend 2-3 times per week. I usually initiate it. We argue about this often. He is a pretty selfish lover. As soon as he finishes - it's over. Just wondering if this is how your relationship started? Were there problems with the sex from the beginning of...
    soConfused86 soConfused86 26-30, F 11 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 438 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    At what point does my desire to enjoy the

    intimate life I yearn for outweigh the social and economic benefits of my marriage ... Moving through my weekend tasks ... I weight this out ... As many of you do too
    SafetyNotGuaranteed SafetyNotGuaranteed 46-50, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    For those of you that left your refusers,

    did you struggle to watch some poor schmuck fall into you ex-refuser's trap just like you did? I imagine I would struggle with that. I'd almost feel like warning him or her of what was ahead. ;) lol. Too bad refusers can't just be honest and say upfront that they don't want...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 9 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 40 Responses Mar 31

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    So still no sex in 2015.

    I am thinking about this way too much. I need to do something.
    Bardowl15 Bardowl15 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    UPDATE #5 from EP Link This is more about the

    immediate aftermath of my shattered marriage but I thought I would post it here. Wow...I knew there would be blowback against me for cheating and destroying my marriage but I didn't expect this. I am literally, except for one cousin and one friend, completely alone here...
    TheFallen75 TheFallen75 36-40, M 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Living in a relationship without intimacy.

    ... Both emotionally and physically... I keep going hoping that she will "wake up"... Naive?, hopeless optimistic? Or plain stupid :s?
    Raafs Raafs 36-40, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 159 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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