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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,835 People

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    So I'm once again in a dry patch.

    Haven't found the courage to leave but this time it's different. I now know she doesn't love me. She told me herself in the most cruel and cold way. She mocks me in her rage, and emasculates me in her rants. I never use to be so weak. I was a strong confident man. I had the...
    Sinnister Sinnister 31-35, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    I want to know how people define "sexless".

    Presumably this site exists because of this phenom, no? But like for me It's not like there isn't any in my relationship; it's underwhelming and about 90% less than what I would like it to be.
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses 4 days ago

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    I was having drinks with a friend last night

    and I opened up to him about my situation. We talked a lot about it. He seems to think my situation isn't all that unique. I told him that 15 to 20% of marriages are sexless. Many of us on here kind of have that stat seared into our brain. I know I do. 20% is 1 out of...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 14 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Hello to all! I was encouraged by my dear

    friend confidant and my love to write about something I brought up in one of our conversations. It was the thinking that is it me that caused our partners to turn the way they did into refusers. What if it was our way of loving them sexually and physically. Now I know we are...
    uncorkyoursoul uncorkyoursoul 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Stupid me! Thinking of things are getting

    better! No, it is just a fake temporary mirage! Things will be the same.
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    I had a talk with my kids this weekend

    regarding one property that I bought ( a small lot) which I decided to sell to a cousin before the making of the deed of sale because it will be another property which is conjugal. My kids were telling me to do it. I was like .." Are you okay with that?" They replied... " Mom...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    If it weren't for my children,

    I would have left a long time ago. I'm just not happy.... plain and simple. I haven't been happy for a long time but I self medicate with distractions. The distractions are just not cutting it anymore. You know what kills me? When my 5 year old son brings home drawings he...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 17 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 21 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I am a single man and I want to get married,

    but when I read all the experiences here I get scared from being in the same situation. Why do people live in sexless marriage?????
    hicham28 hicham28 26-30, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    This weekend was the worst.

    I can't do this anymore.
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 5 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Well hubby & i R moving 2gether

    or we think we are we need to talk & see what happens.. Now our kids they didnt take the news to welcoming!!!!! My daughtet told me mom u should fix urself 1st !!!!! Lose weigh & go out with dad on dates! My boy was like u guys should talk, but he didnt sound to happy about the...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 46-50, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    Just an Update... I had my first therapy

    session on Friday. It was fine. She was very nice. I am not a very talkative person and I'm extremely private so it was hard to tell her what I did and I didn't really tell her a lot yet. One thing we talked about was the guilt I feel for leaving my husband. She had me list...
    jencpa jencpa 31-35, F 14 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 234 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I am planning to leave my wife

    when the kids grow up . That will not be for ten years or so but the thought that there is an exit gives me some solace . However, am I being deceitful by continuing the marriage when I know I plan to leave. Also will I really leave in ten years, or will I just keep going in an...
    sadman777 sadman777 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    At some point has anyone ever got the feeling

    their refuser was on the Down Low ?
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    So frustrated! I work all day at a great paying

    job. The only downfall is I only get to see my wife about 30 minutes a day. I come home early tonight to surprise her and find her in bed reading. She puts it aside and rolls over on to her side to talk to me. I reach to the side table and get the massage oil and begin to give...
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    It is bitter to see people who can't let go of

    someone or something for fear of emptiness In their life - yet their spirits are wasting away because they choose to hold on. ~Dodinsky
    silverfox54 silverfox54 61-65, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    All the articles, books us foreplay starts with

    the man doing work and saying and doing romantic things. I give my wife a back rub, make dinner while she was napping and even clean up after, and the response I get when trying to be romantic, I just don't feel it. Why do I even try, because I am a fool.
    Fotoman Fotoman 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I had an affair it's over

    now I miss the chemisty and the excitement I can't leave my marriage various reasons but would not say not to another affair if the chemisty was right
    naughtyprincess15 naughtyprincess15 26-30, F 17 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Would love a one night stand right

    now with a really nice good looking guy anyone like to help me
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 160 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I mentioned in my last post a joint visit to

    the psychologist, he reminded me there were other things about each other other than being great lovers,,, granted that is true,,, after all these are the reasons we stay right? Or perhaps the kids,, the finances,, comfortable at home ... So I was asked by psychologist to name...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    trueman4d trueman4d 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 438 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    https://youtu.be/F0WJVxWiQWY I pray one day I

    will feel this passionate and crazy love again towards someone. And I pray he will feel the same way about it too. Good night everybody! Sweet dreams!
    Reihino27 Reihino27 26-30, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I did live in a sexless marriage

    until a month ago. I finally had the courage to leave, to stand up and fight for myself! I didn't leave based solely on no sex. He was emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive as well. I wish I had done it sooner but I just didn't have any fight left in me, he had taken that...
    moeshajo moeshajo 36-40, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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