Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,550 People

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All of you are experts!

    My therapist agreed with all of you that said it's not going to get better on it's own. She also said that I have to draw boundaries. It's kind of cliche but nevertheless true. She said that when I married my wife this is not what "I signed up for." It has really validated...
    basluvsspike basluvsspike 46-50, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 27 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What should I expect from divorcing a

    narcissistic refuser? We start marriage counseling on Tuesday but I'm not putting any faith into it. I'm leaning out and she is resistant to going. I told the therapist I want it to be discernment counseling. I also have an appt. with a lawyer for next week. Curious to hear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 8 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been reading this forum

    for weeks now. I know Im not alone with my situation but it feels good knowing others share a similar story. My story will most likely be long and winded so please bear with me. I met my wife almost 13 years ago. At the time she had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 1/2...
    RunningTrain RunningTrain 36-40, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's 1am here and as usual I am not asleep,

    I had a not so good day and when hubby jumps in to bed he holds me tight and tells me everything is gonna be fine, His grip is so tight that I can feel his pelvis on my but, making me feel excited , And then voila !! There goes my baby , snoring the night away, (no show...
    shuga15 shuga15 22-25, F 24 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well, finally dropped the big one.

    I have now moved from Limbo to Hell. And since we have not told the kids yet, there are several lower levels of Hell yet to go. I feel like dried dog crap at the bottom of a large pile of pig ****.
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once again tonight, I tried to initiate sex

    and the wife wasn't interested. In the last 3 weeks I've tried to initiate 11x and have only been successful 2x. The 2x sex was obligatory sex - it just didn't feel like she was that into it. Ok, so its not sexless, but still. I just feel that there's no reciprocity in it...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So we had a discussion about our failed

    coupling. She feels awkward about initiating, but understands that if she is interested merely letting me know she is interested and expecting me to take over will not work for me. (I believe she received this and understands that in the future if she wants me she will have to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Today I changed my personal pic to one off the

    internet and added a "1" to the front of the my user names as EP has made a deal with google .... Goggle your own Handle and it comes up on google. And links straight to your profile. I am here for anonymity and only reveal to my circle after I have known them. Now this is open...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 46-50, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Every time I want to run back into my SM I come

    here to read a lil bit and then I get deterred.
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    From the Huffington Post "My Husband And I Had

    Sex Five Times In 12 Years" My husband and I had sex five times in 12 years. For those of you doing the math, that's once every 29 months. It just wasn't enough. I needed more, much more it turns out, than these several shades of gray. I'm currently in the process of...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have not made love to my wife in months.

    . The last time was 6 months ago and even then it felt like it was just me.. She just laid there rolling her eyes and looking away and telling me to hurry up, as if she was doing it just as a chore she felt obligated to do. Ever since then we have barely even had physical contact...
    BrockEP BrockEP 26-30, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, I had this happen last night.

    .. You know this blue/white dress thing making the rounds (if you don't google - blue dress). Well, last night I showed my wife and she says "I'm not doing it". I say "you won't tell me what color you see?" She says "no, it's all over Facebook and I'm not going to participate...
    thirteen20 thirteen20 46-50, M 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, sex was great before we were married

    and until we conceived our first child 6 months after we married......then.....not so much. There was a significant period of time after the birth of our first son when we didn't have sex at all - he was uncomfortable while I was pregnant, so I said I would wait until he was...
    raiderslayer raiderslayer 46-50, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I know the general consensus seems to be

    that 'why' isn't important, but it still is for me. I guess because I am not very far through the whole process yet. It seems to me there is a big difference between having a partner who doesn't care about you at all and is playing power games or is (more or less consciously...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45 11 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why did I allow him to only do me

    once a month or once every other month? Why did I allow him to give me such lame excuses each and every time he refused me? Why did I allow this to happen for 13 years? How many headaches can an individual have in a week anyway? Why did the house not being clean be the direct...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So here's mine. We haven't had sex in a year,

    it was a year last weekend actually, I count, not sure if my husband does. It's weird, it's an enormous elephant in the room that neither talks about. I am afraid of telling him that I miss it and he either doesn't care or is in the same boat. Wanting it but not having the...
    shortpoole shortpoole 31-35, F 20 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I wrote an update here the other day,

    but ended up deleting it because I didn't feel like dealing with all of the haters out there. So I am revising my update, omitting the "offending" information and including new information. My divorce is still dragging along. We were supposed to go to court the first week of...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 18 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi, From the Other Side Again!

    I like to drop in, check out who is still around and get updated, so I will also leave my update. My boyfriend and I have been living together since September and we are coming up on our one year anniversary. I can't imagine life without him. When people ask how long we...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 41-45, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sometimes people have no idea what goes behind

    doors.. I might had looked happy in my marriage on recent yrs, but it was all an act ! I deserved a OSCAR.. So one of my friends called me & told me that another closed friend of mine was gossiping about me wanting 2 end my marriage & supposedly she said she wishes/hope my...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We had sex today, in the middle of the day,

    for the first time in 2 months. It was awesome. What was best about it as that I know we have not lost our sexual spark. I was growing fearful that the longer we were in this rut, the greater the chance of things not clicking. But it did and it was just great! I am so happy and...
    crazzygurl crazzygurl 26-30, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    charlie757 charlie757 41-45, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your STBX is Not Your Enemy … Since I had

    filed for divorce my relationship with my ex has improved dramatically. We have an agreement we’re both satisfied with, the divorce is almost finalized and now we find ourselves in a different place. We have to sell the house, a one-time business partnership in which we have...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 10 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yesterday while driving home I passed my wife

    as she was taking my oldest son to basketball practice. I arrived home to find my two other children playing. Shortly after my wife calls and tells me she is stopping by the grocery store after dropping off for basketball. I asked what she wanted me to make for dinner and she...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 16 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am so excited and a little scare at the same

    time !!!! 1st time in 30yrs that i will live by myself pay my own bills and be own my own. Finally found a townhouse i like and i might rented this sunday .. and the BEST part is less then 2 miles away from my work! I will keep you all posted.. I feel like a kid waiting 4...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So when you put your profile on eHarmony

    or Match.com do they have a question 'How would you rate your sex drive from 1 to 10?' Or do they just put a option box at the bottom of the form which says 'WARNING - I WILL ONLY REQUIRE SEX FOR THE FIRST 6 / 12 / 24 / 36 MONTHS OF A RELATIONSHIP (please circle the relevant...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45 5 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009