Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,092 People

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Merry Christmas to the group!

    It has been awhile since I have been here on ILIASM. This group has been most helpful to me in the past. There are some really remarkable people here who are genuine and caring. To everyone here, I wish a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May you all find happiness in...
    Clandestine1 Clandestine1 46-50, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 149 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife threatens me with divorce at least 10

    times a year. She can't control her anger. She only wants sex twice a month. Then she wonders why Im not close to her. It is hard to be close and have feelings when she yells about stupid things everyday. I have to be the one who leaves the argument because she just keeps going...
    MATTSMOSKI MATTSMOSKI 46-50, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So my husband said that I just needed to get a

    toy, so that's what I did. Now why is he so upset that I got one when he is the one that said for me to get one? He isn't putting out so wth! I'm so over this and beyond upset, frustrated, embarrassed!
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 10 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    After reading some stories in this group,

    it's bringing back memories that I had buried about 3-years ago. At that time, the pain of my marriage was so intense and so prolonged ( 20 + years) I decided to not think about the past and just live in the present, so I shut it all out, and that's the way it's been for 3...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bah Humbug - I’m counting the days

    until the Christmas season and New Year’s holiday are finally over. Just twelve more days…ho, ho. ho! - It’s our last holiday as a family…my STBX and I agreed to pause on negotiating our legal settlement until after the New Year to avoid conflict and hostility right now...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 12 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is anyone else having real problems coming up

    with a Christmas present for their spouse this year. Plus I really don't want to put a lot of effort into it.
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Great start to our weekend getaway

    so far. Spent the morning with our boys before heading out at around 10AM to the hot springs. I could tell the wife was still a little nervous about the clothing optional bit...so I told her if she wasn't comfortable with it we didn't have to go, but she insisted that it was...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 6 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well it's official. Santa is

    now a member of the iliasm group. He only comes once a year!
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Last night's vivid/exciting dream,

    coupled with my husband's current depressive mood, has prompted me to be more spontaneous in an attempt to be happier. I dreamt of an ex-boyfriend, who I think about every now and then (he's a newly-wed now). It was a non-sexual dream, so don't worry. I was swimming near a...
    AACCBBLL AACCBBLL 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have a crush on my H's brother.

    I kinda think the feeling is mutual but I'm not totally positive. Thinking of going out and buying a cute outfit to wear for Christmas since I haven't seen him in a while just to see his reaction. Is this a bad idea?
    ADixie4You2Know ADixie4You2Know 36-40, F 50 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This year will be our 12th.

    2 years good, 10 years bad. The last half of this year has shown some promise. Some. We'll do more with it this year than last. Last was pizza and my then ten year old wishing me happy anniversary when her dad picked her up and told her it was our anniversary. He never...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All I can do anymore is sit at work

    and ponder the complexity of my marriage. My life is consumed with trying to find an answer. I reflect a lot on my behaviors and contributions to the problem in our marriage. Ultimately though I keep coming back to one universal truth. My wife does not have the capacity to...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    he says he still loves me

    and finds me attractive after 25 years of marriage so why do we only have sex if I initiate it? i thought men were supposed to be into sex pretty much always? i haven't always liked sex but 8 years ago i worked really hard on overcoming my trauma and hang ups about sex and my...
    Etheros Etheros 46-50, F 8 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ah, the dry, sexless holidays are upon us!

    Are your refusers taking extra measures to make sure you don't get your hopes up for a sexy Christmas, a marginal thrill under mistletoe, or any meaningful New Years' resolutions with real follow-through this year? How are they finding new and creative ways to avoid the...
    avalanching avalanching 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Got out of this group,

    but now I need to vent. Yesterday was my 40th birthday. Was alone most of the day. Hubby was at work till about 5. I had gotten some cash, but he had suggested we go out to eat. I also suggested a movie but he was kinda tired from work. Which is fine. We can wait till Sunday...
    mrsklemzak mrsklemzak 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What will the words on your Christmas card to

    your refuser be? (Assuming you don't hate them)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In response to avalanching's consternation over

    a decided lack of action under the mistletoe in ILIASM homes, here is a mistletoe. I think all my EP ILIASM friends should be able to gather under this, and share a hug and a kiss this holiday week :-)(I may delete any driveby perv action here, this is just for our special...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 23 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    As I mentioned in an earlier post,

    I filed for divorce from my STBX in October. Amazingly enough, he never saw it coming and was shocked when the sheriff's officer served him with the papers at his place of employment. After the last time he refused my attempts for intimacy last February, I reached an epiphany...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well, what should have been a good day has

    turned out to be not so good. I got my hair done this morning -- 3 hours in the chair & a good sized bill later & H can't even tell. No biggie, I laughed about it. But then he brought up the coconut oil I have in "his" cabinets. I've had it with everything being "his" & his...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    18th Wedding anniversary today

    and the 5th year in a row where she has done nothing and said nothing. My card remains unopened and after last year’s flowers were left in the hallway until they rotted i’m not sure if it’s even worth bothering. She has said its all my fault, although it's not quite...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 18 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 46 Responses Sep 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why do people make it

    so hard to be in a relationship. The way I look at is that if you don't want to make love, cuddle, communicate or whatever, then just leave. Why say you love someone and not take action by showing them you love them. I just don't get it. I'm a curvy girl in a same-sex...
    Mystic71 Mystic71 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Saw this on Tumblr and it cracked me up.

    😄 Merry Christmas ILIASM!
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, my w told me that she loved me

    but was no longer IN love with me. So, I'm dumb and tried like hell to bring it back Now, we have become nothing more than room mates. I now have a very loving relationship, and she has the same. For the first time in 8 years, I am happy again. I am in school, and she...
    Rednkfireftr Rednkfireftr 31-35, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel