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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,852 People

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    http://m.mic.com/articles/98348/science-shows-writers-have-a-serious-advantage-over-the-rest-of-us?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange Interesting article
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So much for my theory

    that H can't have sex. Last night he offered and although I had a splitting headache I said yes. Maybe more desperately than I should have but it was great. It was really really great! I feel asleep so peacefully, just amazing. I woke up this morning and thought WTF! You can do...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 11 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    shadlab76 shadlab76 22-25, M 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Post card from single land We often talk

    about the benefits of leaving a SM in terms of being able to engage intimately with someone, ie, opposite land. Nearly six months into living separately I want to talk about the benefits of being single- as opposed to being alone within a dysfunctional marriage. Benefit...
    faerylight faerylight 41-45, F 29 Responses Jun 17

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I'm currently in the end stages of planning my

    wedding . Most stressful thing of my life! I wanted a true wedding since my last marriage was a complete bust and I never got my real wedding . Just he and I and sn officiant , then a train wreck for a few yrs after . This one is amazing and so sweet and comes from a amazing...
    82creativetype 82creativetype 31-35, F 32 Responses 1 day ago

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    So it's been a long time

    since I have had any talk about sex with my wife. So I want the perspective of a female refuser. How would u feel if u r husband brought up wanting to have sex.
    lauraCD805 lauraCD805 36-40, T 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    drtybike drtybike 41-45, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    EinEngel is still here.

    Now I am peaceseeker09. The tumult following my husband's discovery of my outsourcing necessitated the deletion of my prior membership. But no way I would leave you guys now - I really need your support more than ever. Will post later because now I am just on my cell. Hugs to...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 20 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    The Scarlet Letter - Last night was very

    eventful in the Cherish household. I was drawn and quartered in front of my children, and the scarlet letter "A" branded on my forehead by my STBX. - It all started with a phone conversation I had with a friend from one of my support groups. Unbeknownst to me, my STBX was...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 29 Responses 1 day ago

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    I've been married for nearly 7 years now

    and have enjoyed many intimate moments with my wife. A lot of that has changed in the last two years. Sex isn't something that happens without constant prodding. I pretty much have to get my wife drunk before she's even remotely willing and even then I've had better sex with a...
    absalom123 absalom123 26-30 13 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    shadlab76 shadlab76 22-25, M 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    An interesting true tale

    that illustrates what our children learn and how they may model their marriages on ours if we raise them in a dysfunctional marriage. While this describes being raised with a father who was physically abusive to her mom, similar things happen when children are raised with...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    "True Love" (feat. Lily Rose Cooper) Sometimes

    I hate every single stupid word you say Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face There's no one quite like you You push all my buttons down I know life would suck without you At the same time, I wanna hug you I wanna wrap my hands around your neck You're an ******* but I...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    I lived in a nearly sexless relationship

    for almost a decade. At first, of course, it was great, but it faded so very quickly, and became routine and VERY infrequent, like, four or five times a year. I watched a TED talk recently about this very thing, and wanted to share it in case it might help somebody figure out...
    incorporealist incorporealist 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ok he wants to refuse me .

    . I don't care the reason anymore..Today I start to refuse him! He likes his social life. Well tough !! That's fine I won't go anymore. He can go by himself,, I take care of my needs he can do the same.. Ya I don't care snore.. I already started distancing my self from our social...
    2Blossom 2Blossom 46-50, F 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    Overheard the other day at a restaurant: No

    good reason to stay is a good reason to leave. Have a great day everyone!!!
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 7 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 137 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    <img src='data:image/gif;base64,

    R0lGODlhAQABAPABAP///wAAACH5BAEKAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAICRAEAOw%3D%3D' width='1' height='1' /><img src='data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAPABAP///wAAACH5BAEKAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAICRAEAOw%3D%3D' width='1' height='1' /> I'm just crying like a fool tonight even though I moved out weeks...
    IrisROE IrisROE 56-60, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I want to know your story.

    An interesting thing came up with a friend in PM. The concept of the "date of separation." Defined as the finite moment when one or both partners realize and irreversibly decide the marriage is over." Isn't it funny how often a marriage is over way before it actually ends? I...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ok this is a different type of post.

    I have being in this outsourcing relationship for a while. I just came across this song Two Weeks by FKA Twigs. The lyrics are awesome anybody in the same type of relationship can relate. I just wanted to share. http://r-b.genius.com/Fka-twigs-two-weeks-lyrics
    zooomzoom zooomzoom 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Truth! Am I right ladies?

    ! There is only so much we can take!
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Quote of the day: "Stop pressing rewind on the

    things that need to be deleted from your life. No more walking back to where you walked away from. You can’t spend your life in “revolving doors”, leaving just to come back to the same reason(s) you left for. You should refuse wasting your life going back to the same mess...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    I was warned by several people on here

    that having had our child, the sexless marriage thing would get a lot worse than before I was pregnant. How right you all were. Husband has absolutely no interest in sex with me. I am feeling not great as it is with my postpartum body....don't think my self esteem has ever been...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Anniversary came and went with me sleeping

    alone. Why am I surprised? She stayed on a conference call half the night and barely said a word to me. I know it is sexless but is it also loveless? And can I live like that much longer?
    philosdaddy philosdaddy 41-45, M 7 Responses 1 hr ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 67 Responses Feb 3

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 71 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I'm so sick of the heartless *** hole comments

    my self centered husband makes.
    Wantfreedom67 Wantfreedom67 46-50, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    I arrived home a short time ago

    and put the kettle on. H unexpectedly arrived home early shortly after. I hid my irritation and asked him if he would like a cup of tea. " yes please". I made us both tea and gave his to him where he sat on the couch. I headed upstairs for peace and quiet. A short while later he...
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    It's nobody's fault, really.

    Life is just busy. At least that's what we say. But then my disproportionate sex drive argues, and I need an outlet.
    Wordsmith21 Wordsmith21 36-40, M 6 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    So it has now been almost 11 years

    that I have been stuck is this sorry excuse for a marriage. I am torn between wanting to go, but I do not believe in divorce. I also know how short life is, and I don't believe that the payment for a mistake such as marrying the wrong the man is something that should be played...
    lonelyinlove04 lonelyinlove04 26-30 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    When I learned this lesson,

    I did fall in love with myself, and I also realized that I would be happier alone and single than continuing to be in a miserable relationship. I didn't need a romantic partner to complete me. I felt complete. "I didn't like that I could only feel complete if there was a...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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