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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,398 People

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01
    51-55, F
    63 Responses Feb 3, 2014

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila
    31-35, F
    425 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe
    36-40, M
    95 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius
    36-40, M
    283 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30
    56-60, F
    39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Parting Words ... Everything about ILIASM has

    been said many times before, but I like to emphasize a few points: EP is closing while many of you are still stuck in unhappy marriages that you know are beyond fixing. You do your fair share to make it work, but your spouse is not cooperating. You’ve done your best with no...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Apr 18, 2016

    Good Night, and Good Luck I wanted to post a

    quick (well, I am me, maybe not so quick) thank you to everyone in this forum. I am not sure where I would be today without this place. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel that I got to be a part of this place and particularly, in ILIASM, I learned so much and it helped me...
    jmx46578 jmx46578
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter
    46-50, M
    69 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30
    56-60, F
    215 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    My Final Post I’ve never been comfortable

    with good-byes, but I cannot let this site shutdown without saying a fond farewell to all of you. I joined ILIASM two years ago, and I would not have survived the last two years of my life without EP. When I arrived here, I was trapped in a lonely and sexless marriage to a...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2
    56-60, F
    11 Responses Apr 21, 2016

    For my most special EPeeps,

    who hang out here - I love you. I miss you. Please, let's not lose touch!
    SmartKat SmartKat
    46-50, F
    12 Responses Apr 19, 2016

    Hey ladies do any of you have impressive

    breasts if so message me
    teddyboylovesboobs1 teddyboylovesboobs1
    41-45, M
    Apr 20, 2016

    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore
    36-40, M
    23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

    It’s been almost exactly 5 years

    since I found ILIASM. When I got here I knew that I wanted to get out of my SM, but I didn’t have the gumption to do it. This place was never really about the website, it’s about the people - and the people here supported me, advised me, challenged me, and helped me work...
    Waiting4What Waiting4What
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    I have been on this site

    for 1-1/2 years now and I am really sad to see it shutting down. When I found this group of people I was in a very different place than I am now. I didn't feel much self worth from always being turned down by my SO. I felt like crap about myself almost always. Since...
    Calif42 Calif42
    51-55, M
    Apr 21, 2016

    In 2012, I found this site by typing in

    "sexless marriage" because I couldn't think of any other way to describe my marriage. Up until that point, I thought we had an excellent marriage because we still loved each other even though we didn't have sex. I tried to explain it away as a marriage that doesn't require sex...
    sweetbutterbiscuit sweetbutterbiscuit
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Apr 21, 2016

    And so an important part of many lives draws to

    an end. ILIASM played a huge role in my life for a number of years. Through this forum I made good friends, learnt a great deal about sexless marriage, learnt even more about myself! I joined on the last day of 2008, and for the next 3 years I was a daily participant. The...
    enna30 enna30
    56-60, F
    10 Responses Apr 21, 2016
    LadyBugOnADaisy LadyBugOnADaisy
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 21, 2016

    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat
    46-50, F
    58 Responses Feb 9, 2015

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat
    46-50, M
    46 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    My daughters...the love's of my life!

    When it came out that their mother and I were divorcing, they supported it 110%! They had known, for years and years, that our marriage was dysfunctional. After it was in the open, I learned that there was a whole other world in my family, gatherings, that we weren't invited to...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    A heartfelt "thank you" to the group

    and it's wonderful members that over the years has consoled me, allowed me to vent, brought me to the light, given me permission to act out, made me think, made me cry and laugh and just relax in the arms of those who know the feeling we all share. My wish for all of you is...
    Lifeloveahhhh Lifeloveahhhh
    56-60, F
    1 Response Apr 18, 2016

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo
    41-45, M
    262 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39
    41-45, F
    46 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    EP....where I learned

    so much...from all of you. Because of the openness, the wiliness of all to speak of their deepest thoughts, their most deepest feelings. I learned... I learned that marriage was supposed to be a celebration. It was supposed to be the safe harbor, where you could be who you were...
    deleted deleted
    Apr 20, 2016

    I'll miss this place.

    I took it for granted. Take care xx
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Apr 21, 2016

    Thanks to everyone here

    for your support, understanding, and occasional tough love! Here I could share some of the most difficult parts of my life and not feel that I would be discounted or misunderstood. I learned that my SM was not completely my fault, and was shocked at the similarity of my...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Apr 20, 2016

    The Big Shift in ILIASM.

    Back in February 2009 when I joined this group, the popular mantra we generally followed was that the ILIASM shithole was "not YOUR fault". This point used to get hammered at newbies time after time. And, quite correctly in my opinion. The avoidant spouses lack of engagement...
    bazzar bazzar
    56-60, M
    13 Responses Apr 19, 2016

    I'm living with the father of my child.

    We are in a sexless relationship. I have zero attraction for this man and dont believe I ever did. I think I pretended to for a short while. I was in a low place in life and had sex with him. Now we have a baby. I was 37 and my sister had just had a baby about a month prior. It...
    ceg333 ceg333
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Apr 16, 2016


    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin
    51-55, F
    55 Responses May 14, 2012

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013
    46-50, M
    139 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    41-45, F
    176 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Update: I did it! Originally I planned to tell

    my husband later in the week, that I want a divorce but when he came to bed at 3 am he complained about his kidneys hurting. All I could think about was if he ends up in the hospital I will never have the guts to tell him I want out. So I decided right there and then tonight...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971
    46-50, F
    31 Responses Sep 15, 2015

    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be
    41-45, F
    27 Responses Mar 31, 2015

    Thanks to Many Good Friends .

    Pardon my delay for posting this EP thanks and farewell. Work and family / personal matters have been crazy busy, so EP’s deciding to freeze their website at this particular time was not the best. I hope to reconnect with many of you in other forums and websites in the weeks...
    TimeforLiving2 TimeforLiving2
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato
    36-40, M
    58 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Adios, peeps. Seeing this place come to an end

    is unfortunate. I've made a lot of friends here and I'll miss you all!
    Gearcynic Gearcynic
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Apr 21, 2016

    Farewell to EP For the past 4 years EP was a

    therapeutic part of my life. I found EP because I googled sexless marriage and it was like a whole new world opened up for me. At first for about a year all I did was read. In 2013, I created an account but I was not active all I did was read. June 2014, I wrote my first story...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971
    46-50, F
    7 Responses Apr 19, 2016

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14
    41-45, M
    187 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Quitter My husband after seeing

    that I filed for divorce with the clerk of courts and it became real, called me a quitter. He said I always quit everything. I know that this is not true after being married to a man for almost 23 years and trying and hoping he would change. Eventually I did give up, "quit...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971
    46-50, F
    41 Responses Nov 20, 2015

    Thank you my friends from EP --

    and especially EP ILIASM -- for being an important part of my life in the year that I’ve been here. It has been a great blessing both to give and to receive such earnest and loving advice… even the “advice” that was a bit cantankerous sometimes.Thank you...
    dan13732 dan13732
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    I have been married 12 years

    and stopped having sex with my husband 2 yrs ago. We always used to have a good sex life but for some reason which is beyond me we haven't had any hot times lately. I'm going insane with sexual frustration and have even thought of cheating because my hormones have had enough and...
    BMoreno79 BMoreno79
    36-40, F
    69 Responses Mar 5, 2014

    I hate to say goodbye,

    I haven't been on here much this last year, or so, but at one time, I was on here daily. EP was a haven for me. It helped with the loneliest part of my life, during my sexless marriage. I honestly didn't know I was in one, until I came here. I found friends, cohorts, fun times...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    I went to the property this morning.

    We met the realtor and are finally listing it. The ex pointed out, somehow gloating over the forms for the realtor - - SHE took back her maiden name, will that mess anything up? Will these forms need to be reprinted? Realtor, having waited almost 7 full months to get his...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek
    46-50, F
    10 Responses Apr 18, 2016

    No more STBX Well it's official I am a single

    lady today. I went down to the courthouse by myself just like everything else I usually do. I appeared in front of of judge with my attorney my H waived his right to answer which was a good thing. I'm finally free and at peace from being under the same roof as him but being...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971
    46-50, F
    33 Responses Jan 20, 2016

    I just exported all of my content.

    Should've done this a while ago, I never realized how much I've shared and how much I've grown. I'll miss this as a shoulder to lean on, as a sounding board. My best to all of you.
    andie2007 andie2007
    46-50, F
    8 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic
    36-40, M
    40 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted
    44 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Oh you guys. . Today is like the last day of

    summer camp. We've had a good time here -- maybe even the time of our life, or best to date. And we made some good friends. Had some interesting, even harrowing experiences. And do we ever have some stories to tell! . We've exchanged personal contact information, formed a little...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38
    41-45, F
    11 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted
    531 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    Zincore Zincore
    36-40, M
    27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    I am out....Opposite Land.

    ... My divorce was final August 2nd, 2015. Even though my marriage was over long before that, including being separated and all but legally divorced from my ex in early 2014. We decided we needed to wait until we sold our house and property to keep it out of the courts. She'd...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    I am reading Neil Gaiman's book of short

    stories "Trigger Warning". In one of the stories a young woman releases a genie while polishing an old lamp. He calls her "Toots" and gives her his pitch about the three wishes. She respectfully declines and asks him to not call her "Toots" but by her name. She offers him tea...
    deleted deleted
    7 Responses Apr 20, 2016

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine
    31-35, M
    93 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive
    170 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    Zincore Zincore
    36-40, M
    8 Responses Feb 23, 2014

    I just want to say goodbye to the members of

    this group. You have been a great source of knowledge and inspiration. I hope we meet again on another site. I do have one more thing to share. It is from a PM I had with another member. I feel it sums up what we had here in our community of ILIASM. Some days we just want to...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Apr 19, 2016

    New Home for the ILIASM Community Folks

    dealing with sexless marriages have -- for years -- sought and offered support at the Experience Project in the experience “I Live In A Sexless Marriage” and related experiences. Member of “ILIASM” comprise all ages, walks of life, economic classes, and nationalities...
    46-50, F
    1 Response Apr 21, 2016

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha
    41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Just pondering the vast difference between SM &

    S&M Sexless Marriage vs Sex and Marriage and then there's that other branch of S&M
    1RedKing 1RedKing
    46-50, M
    4 Responses Apr 20, 2016
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