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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,827 People

    I've been putting off this update

    for a while. I cannot do so any longer. It's long and winding, so if you choose to dive in, prepare yourself. Curious things are happening in the Pillow household. About a month ago I wrote that my emotionally absent, sexually repressed husband had suddenly decided that he was...
    Catonapillow Catonapillow 31-35, F 15 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    One step forward, two steps back.

    She showed affection for a while, and even though it took longer than it should have she made an appointment with a therapist, but it seems like the more I recognize or give credit to progress she makes, the more complacent she gets. So now I'm going to have to ask to talk...
    Stayhidden88 Stayhidden88 31-35, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Undecided whether to post this under this group

    or under the other one "I'm having random thoughts", I believe posted here the discussion shall be more thoughtful and sensitive. Going through a period in my life in which I'm reflecting about my past, the present and the future, I can't stop thinking that how I got myself...
    TheDreamyWoman TheDreamyWoman 36-40, F 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Tired of being lonely,

    he's fine with this nothing marriage, separate rooms,separate lives same house, no intimacy of any kind. He's passive aggressive so any time we argue be back pedals and acts like a good little boy. He honestly says almost nothing to me until he knows I'm mad or upset then he...
    Wantfreedom67 Wantfreedom67 46-50, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    This SM thing is such an emotional carousel.

    I didn't say roller-coaster, because that would imply peaks and valleys, which don't exist for me. I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning/early afternoon. H had gone to a 12-step meeting and was feeling more open. He was much more affectionate than usual and we had a...
    WestSiderWoman WestSiderWoman 46-50, F 11 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 67 Responses Feb 3

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    I have been with my wife

    for almost 30 years. Sex was mostly good and regular for the first 5, although I ALWAYS had to initiate it. About 4 yearss ago, after years of saying that I did not feel wanted and that it was not satisfying to me, I told my wife that as much as I loved her and sex, I could not...
    BikeAndHike BikeAndHike 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Was in a sexless marriage.

    ..he couldn't ( or wouldn't) . We now live in different towns..still married and see each other on occasion for "dates" or trips out . Still no sex and no prospects...but at least there isn't the temptation of thinking " MAYBE tonight is the night" .... Doesn't do anything for...
    freewayz freewayz 41-45, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    So hard to battle random

    and sudden emotion of staying passive and changing the mood of the home by the spouse!!
    philophil philophil 31-35, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Days 6 and 7 – reclaiming my bed – in

    conjunction with my previous stories. So, day 6 was ok. #3 had his first real cough and found it difficult to settle in bed, so, and as is traditional I moved to the sofa. My wife doesn’t like doing ‘up all nighters’, she has an almost phobia to vomit and usually leaves...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 13 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 137 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Me, myself and my parents marriage.

    .. I asked my wife to go to a shrink with me about 3 years ago. she did not refuse the idea, but she ways always too busy, or tired or had a headache. Ironic I thought...at that point it was really sinking in... I went to the shrink by myself anyway to gain some clarity and...
    frozenhere frozenhere 31-35, M 6 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I'm being accused of paying a high price

    for just sex/passion by asking for a divorce. I know it will impact children (two), family set up, living arrangement, finances. Ever since our therapy session yesterday I've been thinking if there is anyway I can continue living in this situation? What other arrangements I can...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 41 Responses 1 day ago

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    The compromise promise.

    I ran into a former colleague yesterday. When I worked with him I got to know his wife and kids, and the couple seemed happily married, but got divorced a few years later. He is now in a five year long relationship and seems content, and his kids are all grown up. . In...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Since I last wrote on here,

    my husband and I have decided to divorce after 7 years of marriage. The last time we had sex was really weird, and I just felt so distant. Counseling did not help at all, and if anything, it propelled the divorce. Right now, I feel pretty good about the decision. It really was a...
    VanillaAlmond1 VanillaAlmond1 31-35, F 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    This quote applies to many people here.

    "If you don't love yourself, you'll always be chasing after people who don't love you either." When I finally learned to love myself, I had no desire to be with my STBX. When I decided to divorce and he revealed he had been in an affair with a much younger woman, I did not...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Yesterday my husband went with me to a football

    game that really only I wanted to go to. Today we ate at the restaurant I wanted to eat at. Last week he attended a cultural event that he didn't want to go to. He does almost all the house chores and he does all my laundry. He does all these things without complaining usually...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    After the usual "how is H" questions (he has

    been and continues to be ill), my mum asked if I was ok last night. I lied and said yes, as I am not going to discuss my SM / AP with my mum - but it was so nice to be asked.....
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am not married yet

    but what i want to say that when i read about husbands let theirs wives in sexless i cant believe that there are kind of people like that .how can ???? How can someone sleeps easily and he knows that there is a wife upstairs waiting for him to just say i am here for you . For me...
    angel089 angel089 26-30, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    It's sad but true. Been like this

    for the last 6 years. I have no idea what to do
    Apex87 Apex87 26-30, M 8 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Are we all here due to the overall pressure to

    "forgive" & "compromise" that long term marriages speak of? Have we given 100% to our partners and in so doing neglected our own needs, desires and passions? Have we forgotten how to ask for what we want while still giving 100%? I sometimes wonder what 21 years of marriage has...
    JRD22 JRD22 51-55, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Well progress is very good.

    If you want to know how good, let's just say tonight was like a dream and I can't feel my legs. I really hope this was the start of a good thing all over again. Learning and leaning from all the support given here has helped. I joined coda and slaa. Working on my issues and...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    So my husband just had the Nerve to joke about

    me thinking he was cheating...I told him he's missed the point, that he's been sleeping on the couch for years. That I've been crying and begging him to come upstairs for years...How can he think it's funny, I started to cry and he told me"no tears". But did he come over to hold...
    Blondeangelmom Blondeangelmom 56-60, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    I got an email from stbx today.

    It was asking me to go to marriage counseling. He doesn't get it. I'm not coming back. I can't. I told him that I was happier alone than I had been in a long time and that I'm sorry. I have to remind myself that he turned my family against me, screwed up the finances, i've...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 11 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I a really curious about others outsourcing

    experiences. My own has taken twist and turns all with a positive arc. My self esteem has increase at the same time my willingness to just live out my marriage has waned. I don't want to hurt my wife but I don't want to hurt anymore. I know the easy answer is leave. The...
    zooomzoom zooomzoom 36-40, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I made an appointment with my gyno

    for Monday. Kinda nervous, no one has seen my vajayjay in awhile. Last week when I saw my therapist I asked about getting on an antidepressant that has sexual side effects. Maybe if I was taking drugs to take away my sex drive this would be easier. Anyone here tried that?
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    My H asked me for a cold beer.

    . I went to get it for him, but not before I stuck my finger inside me and then rubbed the rim of the bottle with it. He did not see that of course........I have never done such a thing before, it was very impulsive!!! He took a swig with "mhmm ahhh this is great!" I giggled...
    radicalradish radicalradish 36-40, F 46 Responses 1 day ago

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    evie36 evie36 41-45, F 17 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    “Real isn't how you are made,

    ' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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