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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,907 People

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Not sure where to start

    or if this is the best place to... Let me start by saying I'm not looking to be unfaithful. Hubby and I have been together 22yrs. Somewhere down the line, he visibly has lost respect for me and won't kiss me. I'm not sure what's gone wrong. I feel as though it's something I've...
    Lauren246 Lauren246 36-40, F 15 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    So emotionally tired from many things

    and this complete lack of respect towards me by my refuser is keeping me angry all the time. I'm so tired I wish to fall asleep and have a heart attack and die. I struggle so much in life without this sexless relationship but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is anyone else having to "dig" to find ILIASM

    experiences? It's been days since new stories appeared in my feed? Feeling left out :(
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Is it passive-aggressiveness?

    ? Every day or week I change my mental diagnosis of my husband. One week I'm convinced he's got a health problem and it's all physical and if only I could get him to the doctor. The next week, I'm convinced he's just a traumatized little boy in a man's body and I feel sorry for...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I heard my wedding song on the radio this

    morning. What a joke. What was your wedding song & how do you feel when you hear it today? I feel dumb for being so naive. "Then" Brad Paisley I remember trying not to stare The night that I first met you You had me mesmerized And three weeks later In the front porch light...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    After leaving a sexless relationship of 14

    years (3 of which were married years), I met a wonderful woman who makes me happy and we have an active sex life. However, whilst I thoroughly enjoy love making, I don't enjoy intercourse itself. It gives me no physical pleasure. After 14 years of climaxing through means...
    PerseveringMark PerseveringMark 31-35 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Husband and I continue to experience growth

    together as a couple. For those who are new to my stories: my marriage dwindled in the sex department for some years, until we hit a period of two solid years with NO intimacy whatsoever (nor emotional connection), in which he specifically said he didn't think sex was important...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Taking the steps from being "we" focused to

    "me" focused didn't come easy. It wasn't natural...but now that I've accomplished it, i feel like a fresh new me. Or like the old me, before I gave up me...to work on we. A we that was just a mirage, created with smoke and mirrors. It's interesting to see how the avoidant...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Alright fellow ILIASM'ers.

    It's Friday and I don't know about you but I am dreading the thought of being home this weekend with my refuser. She's barely spoken to me over the last 3 days and her anger and silent treatment are so difficult to be around. I can't wait to spend time with my daughters, but I...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 11 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    We had a wonderful discussion the other day.

    I told him I love him very much, but that I didn't feel like we were connecting. It was eye opening for him, and he realized he's been ignoring "us". Last night we held hands for the first time in I don't know how long. It was fantastic! Baby steps. I'm happy we're moving...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I HATE weekends. I DREAD the weekends.

    He was out drinking all night & came home around 5 am. I assume, he will be a huge crab & hungover most of the day. He has been laying on the couch watching TV for 3 hours and have no intentions of getting off the couch until the moment we have to walk out the door for a Bday...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 6 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    The Matrix (1999) Spoon boy: Do not try

    and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. Neo: What truth? Spoon boy: There is no spoon. Neo: There is no spoon? Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. And so after a long time of not...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    My son had his 16th birthday this week.

    He was born at 1:04 pm, so on Tuesday, shortly after 1:00, my wife sent me a text: Remember what we were doing at 1:00 pm 16 years ago? I remember, and seeing my son born was amazing, but to confess, my mind also wandered back to what we were doing 9 months prior to my son...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I don't trust you. Not in the cheating way,

    but I don't trust how you might react or influence our son when I walk out the door. I don't trust you to remain a loving mother when you're left with all the responsibility of being a mother.
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Even after some movement in the right direction,

    things remain a bit worrisome. I've written on here already about my worries concerning my own inability to really connect in sex with my wife in the last action. Now, my wife has now gone three weeks (illness [UTI], period pains/scare, illness [stomach bug, followed by a cold...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Gaslighting. I am afraid my original theory

    that H has NPD will stand. Lately he has taken to changing the facts about our past, trying to make it sound like it was mostly my fault that he and I did not communicate and did not have sex. ....Really? I prefer not to dwell on the past, but he tries to do what he can to...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 8 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I'm trying to text with my left pointer finger

    so forgive any typos. The surgery went well. They gave me a pain block so yesterday I was quite numb on the right side. I'm on anti nausea meds to help me tolerate the Vicodin. So far so good. I have a six inch incision & a metal plate on my right outer arm bone. The cast is...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    My husband and I have been married

    for 15 1/2 years. We are both professionals, and we have good jobs. From the outside everything looks wonderful. We travel. We don't have children. He's withheld sex from me for four years. The last time he was willing to try was in 2010. We've gone on beautiful vacations, and I...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Jhbanana Jhbanana 26-30, F 49 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    STAYING FOR THE KIDS REVISITED.

    Yesterday I had the most wonderful, life-affirming parent-teacher interview. I had to stop the car and have a little cry. But let me take you back a couple years. Two years ago I was living with the ex and our two children. My oldest always had issues with attention, and had...
    zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 9 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    My husband and I used to have a great sex life.

    Never missed a day. There was foreplay, kissing, and exploring of our bodies!! Fast forward to now and there nothing. Why is it that it starts out so good but ends so bad? Am I crazy to want it to last forever?
    jhoney21 jhoney21 31-35, F 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I want to get out,but

    where will I go?Im so miserable,I want to vanish
    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Seven years in. We never had a 'honeymoon'

    phase where we really got to each other...you know, real intimacy. I don't need the idealized Hollywood scene every night. Or ever, really. I don't want to stray; I don't need fantasies about other women, and **** drove me further from feeling loved than abstinence. I have...
    OnlyRemnants OnlyRemnants 36-40, M 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    So, here I am again. I just had to email the

    lawyer to have him served. He said he would sign, but so far hasn't. And when I emailed him asking if he had/would- I got scripture and some sentiments about where is my btit? UGH. This sucks. My parents are just... still absent, which is fine, but the silence is pregnant with...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 147 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    How do you handle a lying spouse?

    How do you handle a spouse who's words and actions don't match? Or what about a spouse who doesn't know how to communicate emotions?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 11 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Date Nite - The Big Picture Sunday caught

    me in a melancholy mood, but good hubby was back.  Or mostly back, as I did send the nurse a note thanking her for spending her evening with me.  I did not immediately get a reply.  Nothing about that occurred to me as unusual.   While continuing to work...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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