Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,963 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm sick of reading that wedding vows doesn't

    mean we can expect to have sex, but it does mean that we can't have sex with others. I promised to be faithful to a partner, not to give up sex. For that matter, I didn't promise to work and she expressly agrees to stay with me through “richer and poorer." But that doesn't...
    jkl1138 jkl1138 41-45, M 6 Responses 8 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I wouldn't want to live in a sexless marriage,

    if I did id make sure me & my partner were on the same page.. I'd make sure we have time to have our alone time, but even then I'd bust out random bj's in the car, while he's watching tv .. Anywhere I wouldn't want us to be bored of each other that's for sure ...
    darx75 darx75 18-21, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I need to read about others' experiences of how

    it went when they did finally leave a marriage like this. I need to be prepared for all of the things that he will try to throw at me. I've tried to leave before only to be so shocked by his reaction that I felt sorry for him and gave it another chance. I don't want to just...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 5 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am a female who lives in a sexless marriage

    (by my own choice, and probably his, too) but I'm madly in love with my best friend (who is male). It is not so much about sex as it is emotional connection. Any thoughts?
    lc1967 lc1967 46-50, F 6 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    That first step. Can I do it?

    If I can get myself to really accept that wanting/needing sexis a normal human desire. Its been 26 mths and the need to feel someone elses body with mine is not something I want to live the rest of my life without. i got married feeling that would insure this. I see myself...
    onlylonely13 onlylonely13 51-55, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am posting here again,

    partly to put some thoughts down on virtual paper and partly to see what others think. Comments and suggestions are very welcome. We have had sex exactly once in November. Before that, we had sex a few times in August. Before that was May. My 22 year old daughter dropped...
    Yachtdiver Yachtdiver 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm spending what I hope will be the last

    holiday in my marital home. He decided it would be a good idea to invite some of his family members for dinner. As per usual, I was informed of this last minute, late last night. I've been searching for an affordable apartment the last month or so, and in preparation, I've...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 8 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 148 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel
    geronimooo geronimooo 36-40, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I worry so much about my youngest son.

    He's the one who is most like me, who is the most giving, loving person you will ever meet. When I say he's the most like me, I mean he will give too much of himself, to the point of being used and abused. I am watching him falling in love with this young woman. She's beautiful...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    it must be 2 years since we had sex don't know

    why she just dosent want it anymore I love her to bits but have got needs . just a cuddle would do any offers lol
    wellermarriott wellermarriott 41-45, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I guess the therapist my h has been seeing

    for his painkiller addiction issues told him to ask me to come to the next appointment. Can't wait to see how this goes. Unfortunately it's another 2 weeks from now. He said they talked about our relationship and how "mean" I am to him. I'm so mean! You know...so mean that I...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    yes, I am married and no plans to be not married

    since I love and respect my wife and kids. But I think NSA sex with other women has nothing to do with my feelings. It's just a sex, attraction, relaxation, fun for both parties involved, whether its a married woman or not. Please message me if interested for an affair. We can...
    senekkka senekkka 36-40, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Mrbeach99 Mrbeach99 36-40, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    100% truth in this article.

    Might only be true for the husband refusers. What do you think? http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_sex.htm
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was lonelier at home with my refuser ex

    husband than I was when home alone after divorcing.
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Fiddleswtit Fiddleswtit 46-50, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had bragged to everyone

    that we would join H's ex-wife's family at her house today for Thanksgiving dinner, but H has determined that it would not be fair to his ex-wife's new husband (it probably wouldn't). I was so proud of how well we get along with his first wife and her family. We will likely have...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Any women that live in a sexless marriage want

    to chat with a hung and horny 24 year old message me.
    zackthebull zackthebull 22-25, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

    My weekend started with fighting last night which carried over to this morning. I hope these next 4 days go by fast.
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 8 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 48 Responses Sep 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am now 27 and he is 39.

    After years I'm back and its the same story to a different tune. He no longer shouts and screams at me and he hasn't laid a finger on me in anger since that day. I've lost weight and am now back to size 8, I finished University and have been working full time, passed my...
    unyummymummy unyummymummy 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you know anger is a contributing factor the

    depressive illness in the other spouse?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was kind of relieved.

    ..maybe I shouldn't say relieved but shocked last night when I came across this site and read other men are experiencing the same thing as I am. I am going to try my best to explain the situation. Anyways, I'm a 37 y/o married man who's been with the same woman for 14 years but...
    common76 common76 36-40, M 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scarlett O'Hara - the Refuser: Scarlett decides

    after having her daughter that she doesn't want to get fat anymore (and still loves the one she cannot have). She tells Rhett she doesn't want what is implied as "relations" with her husband. She shuts him out, she is the refuser. I will give her this - she is honest from the...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I finally decided on a temporary place to live

    and try to save money again. It's not great but 3-6 months will go fast. I hope. My plan is to tell him the day after thanksgiving. I know it seems harsh but there is never a good time. Ever. It's a long weekend. I won't have to pay him the $550 towards the mortgage. Our 6 yr...
    Lackoflust Lackoflust 31-35, F 6 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I live in a sexless marriage

    and its a really lonely place. What makes it worse is that I love my wife and my family, they are the most important aspect of my life and I don't see I would ever do anything to put that at risk, and yet despite many years of extremely intermittent intimacy with my wife and...
    leprechaun123 leprechaun123 46-50, M 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My H just told me this morning

    that he'd practiced anal sex with his ex-wife. I was shocked. I found it disgusting. Am I the only one left on Earth who longs for the true physical connection of the two soulmates? I mean when we are really close to each other, eyes to eyes, whispering sweets words, kissing...
    coincee coincee 31-35, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    She keeps saying that she is interested

    and wants it too. When we have the time or opportunity she isn't in the mood, or just not interested aft that time. I wonder if she ever really is. I have tried talking to her about it but nothing she says she wants toy change but doesn't seem to want it to change. maybe I...
    Fotoman Fotoman 46-50, M 7 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel