Post

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,379 People

    The Finish Line … I left my marriage of 13

    years a year ago this month. Legally, I am separated and in the process of finalizing the divorce. Emotionally, the last 12 months have been an enormous journey that took me on a far different trajectory than I had ever envisioned. In the recent week or two I have been...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 133 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am a sexual deviant.

    So says my wife. Why? Because I desire sex 2 to 3 times per week. According to her, it is not natural. And forget about the need to cuddle and give her massages. According to her, she's been there, done that. Jeez!
    sojourner999 sojourner999 41-45, M 14 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been married for 14 years.

    I've left twice and come back. The most recent time, I was hoping it would bring some sense to my husband to wake up, and make some changes. When I moved back in, I found out he was sleeping around with several women while I was gone- and I required him to get tested if he ever...
    S36curious S36curious 36-40, F 13 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am sadly coming to the realization

    that my spouse and I never really had a marriage. We weren't even good at dating. The first Valentine's day we had an argument...I don't even remember what it was about now, but I do remember feeling rejected by her. We were living on different coasts at the time and another...
    AshInOakland AshInOakland 41-45, M 15 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 54 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Now that there is someone in my life,

    who I am really attracted to and care for, and he feels the same for me, but we can't be together. It's excruciating. What's really awful is I didn't realize just how parched my body was. Every cell in my body is screaming out- for affection, for true caring, for TOUCH. I just...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I could just die it makes me feel like think

    about having sex with men or women or the three of us but I kind any one to suck or **** Ron
    rw60404 rw60404 66-70, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, reset sex weekend.

    ..and now I know that it has to end. It was like making love to an amorphous blob..and I just don't see the love in his eyes, or feel it in his touch.. He behaved as though he were receiving a massage, just totally passive..ugh. So we talked about it, I told him to be more...
    LonelyRiss LonelyRiss 31-35, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So why do people go to sex / relationship

    counselling? To fix it? Or to get both parties to a point where they understand each other's perspective, which should help them determine if the relationship is viable? I want to make my SM work as we love each other despite the lack of sex / intimacy. And if it is going to...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Speaking of never-ending health problems: this

    morning I asked my man if his sinuses were okay. He snapped, "I wish you would quit asking me that." I thought, but did not say, "I wouldn't - if you weren't always having sinus problems." After all, I never ask anybody else about their sinuses - just him. LOL!
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Read this article today & thought it worth

    passing on: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5601040?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 29 Responses Nov 17, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is anyone else watching the show "masters of

    sex" on showtime? I find myself so attracted to the show. It explores all these things we talk about here (i know its colored with hollywood glam but so what). I keep relating to different aspects of the characters and what they think their lives should be verses what they...
    sweetplumeria sweetplumeria 36-40 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Short comings, short sex drive,

    short of expressing love are all part of Sexless Marriage. Denial and refusal are very familiar. Pay attention to your spouse's messages. My s/m started a long time ago after having my son, our sex life became less interesting and more rushed. Finally it fizzled out to none...
    musicinme musicinme 56-60, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 298 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hb says I dont need to move out to work on our

    problems... We could solve them "in house".:). Fact is we have not had sex in the past year. He says he is trying really hard... I know he loves me but I feel this is not right. I have found an apartment. I have to decide by Thursday morning if take it. Was anyone separated and...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 26-30, F 13 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's been quite a while

    since I've posted here. I check in every now and then, and quite often see stories from people with a case of the what ifs, the ones we all experience when considering leaving our SM, and I'd like to weigh in on that if I may. I've been out of my SM for 4 years now, and I'm not...
    Iamhere4me Iamhere4me 36-40, M 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So thanks to some of the great advice here on

    the SM forum of EP, I decided not to wait and talk to my wife about my ongoing concerns. We did this two nights ago, after she had gotten back from a little trip. As a professional musician, her instrument has not been sounding right and given the delicate and precise nature...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So late breaking development.

    ...my wife comes downstairs about an hour ago to my home office, which is very unusual as she very rarely bothers me during the work day in personally, usually just sends me IMs. She's in tears. I ask her what's wrong, and she says she knows how unhappy I've been about the sex...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 24 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I believe some people marry to stop from being

    alone not caring if the make another person lonely. I have been married going on 12 years and my wife slowly started losing all sexual appetite in the first year. She lacks the same desire level. This woman can go weeks and not bat an eye but when she gets the urgend to get the...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 13 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    .Do any of you in ILIASM think

    that your partner's don't engage because they are so afraid of getting hurt?  That they are unable to take down all the emotional barriers they have put up over many years, and just take a chance of love, and enjoy whatever happens?.My partner has had a number of very...
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 16 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So after my wife's MRI yesterday,

    she was feeling a whole lot better as they injected her both with anesthetic and cortisone to help the inflammation. We chatted a little before she had to go off and get our boys from daycare, it was good to do that during the day. After we put our boys down for the night, we...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 13 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I really want to be out of this marriage in 12

    months time! Just scared that I won't have the courage or energy to do it.
    Inspireme1 Inspireme1 46-50, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just don't understand why

    so many women don't like sex. It's a naturally awesome thing. That moment when your body goes insane with pleasure is a blessing fro heaven. I think if more woman explored their bodies themselves through playing, teasing, and ************ they would like sex more. The only thing...
    cagedlady cagedlady 31-35, F 19 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well...I have totally cut my husband off

    and what I mean by that is he likes to kiss me before he goes to work and I turn my head..I feel if he can't pay attention to me AT ALL and have a SM well then I don't want anything from him...
    kimmmmmy kimmmmmy 41-45, F 48 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Broken Home - I'm intrigued by a recent post

    from LaoTzu about the definition of a "broken home". Many of us have stayed in our dysfunctional marriages and opted not to divorce our Refusers "for the sake of the kids". But is it really better for them to be raised in a family with parents who are not good role models of...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This place is like AA

    for sexless people...one day we need to all get together for an "Eyes Wide Shut" style celebration ****. Maybe once each year to celebrate all the newly divorced, previously sexless people on here. That would get me a bit more excited to get through the process!
    slappaho slappaho 31-35, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ok here is one for the group.

    Recently I posted an add on local craigslist seeking to talk with local females about living in a passionless marriage. I have met several ladies. Some truly sad stories from a couple of them. But I made contact with a woman that is a sexual being. A polar opposite of my...
    Genertaylori Genertaylori 51-55, M 14 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Life after ILIASM I used to be a regular here.

    I found this group was very supportive and it really helped me regain some perspective and find the courage to leave my relationship of 16y. I have been separated 10 months now. I won't tell you they have been easy. It's been bloody difficult actually! Divorce is about to be...
    NeedingToVent NeedingToVent 36-40, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel