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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,413 People

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I knew something was up within seconds of

    walking in. I could feel something in the air. But then she started to ask how my day with my grandsons went and we had some small talk about problems at her job. The same problem that has been going on for years that no one other than her is concerned about, even though it...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 66-70, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    So here's a question

    for the group. I found a mediation group in town and they seem ok. They suggest the first meeting (free) be a joint meeting so I need to start that conversation. But being an obsessive planner (procrastinator) I'm thinking ahead to what to tell the kids. I kind of want to have...
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 80 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I am a man from Latin America.

    Ive been married for 29 years. I love my wife and in allmost everything she is great. The problem is that she had never liked sex. She refuse to let me try to make her feel good. Clitoris is out of bounds for her. All she wants is get it on with it and do it fast. That dont...
    zeledongerardo zeledongerardo 51-55 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    This song expresses my mood

    and thought pattern of the looming discussion I will be having with my wife. "Golden Leaves" by Passenger - whispers album Do you remember how this first begun? Teeth were white and our skin was young Eyes as bright as the Spanish Sun We had nothing we could hide Now my dear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Ok so I used to think its just the sex

    but its not. He was being a real jerk at 1 am so while my blood was boiling and I was ready to spit nails I made a list of what I can't live with so why I need to leave. Here it is so far: 1) wont put any dish I have used in the dishwasher despite me putting his in whenever I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    I can't figure out if I want sex

    or not. It's like the desires live outside of me and I can't connect myself with them. I am old anyway. I should just give up.
    gurg gurg 36-40 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Well I thought things were getting better.

    He's been making more of an effort and being more affectionate and then there it is again. More **** in his email. This time I wasn't snooping. I was signing him up for electronic health records and had to go in to authenticate his email to finish the registration. It was...
    ju1984 ju1984 26-30, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 152 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6558262?

    ir=Parents&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Thought this was a great article and more than appropriate for many of us.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why do I hope every Valentine's Day

    that a change will magically occur and the woman I made my wife will act like she was my gf? You figure after 20 years I would learn. :-(
    ms3206 ms3206 46-50, M 14 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    So my H just called me to let me know

    that he found and bought my newest favorite coffee and where he put it so I could make myself one. He won't have sex but he will buy me coffee, go figure!?
    0intimacy 0intimacy 46-50, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Girls Just Wanna Have Fun… The truth is

    that the odds are against us out there - women who become single in mid-life have a much harder time finding partners than men do. Women can’t walk into a social situation and immediately detect the single men in the room since so many married men don’t bother wearing...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 15 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    My wife and I have not had sex in years,

    So many years I do not remember when. It is obvious that she has lost all sexual desire for me. If you pointed a gun at my wife's head and said have meaningful sex with your husband or your dead, she could not do it. It really means nothing to her. Sex and intimacy is...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 58 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    The time frame from moving is set.

    May 1 to 11th. It's my break from school. I couldn't be more excited to get my boys away from his bad habits. It's going to be super hard living with family, but hopefully they will adjust eventually. We are buying them bunk beds and letting them shop for new sheets. I hope...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    My first post...I'm nervous.

    But could use some perspective. Married 15 years, together for 22 total. My H has has little or no sex drive for at least 2 years, and it wasn't great for the 5 or 10 before that. Honestly, I blocked it out so I don't remember too well. Two kids under 12 years old. We met in...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Once again she promises to do something

    and once again she fails to deliver. Of course she's "tired" but it didn't stop her from watching television for 30 minutes before going to bed. But hey, I'm just her husband, I'm not that important.
    Burai Burai 31-35, M 18 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    first post for me. sorry

    for the long message but I got on a roll. I've been sexually frustrated in my marriage since day 1. we had sex once on our honeymoon and it felt forced and awkward. we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary this year. we used to have a good sexual relationship when we...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    One of the issues raised in our couples

    counselling is me being irritable. There are known medical constraints which make it harder but not impossible. Apparently my irritability is causing H to withdraw more and hindering his ability to consider intimacy again. I totally accept that this might not help. BUT the...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 41 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I am a 40 yr old first time mom.

    Our daughter is 10 months. H stopped having sex during high risk pregnancy and we have not had sex since conception. Sex life before baby was iffy. Together 15 years, maybe had sex 15 times total except when trying to conceive. Not a Madonna/***** complex. He's my best friend...
    hotrodgirl88 hotrodgirl88 36-40, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Everything about my refuser annoys the **** out

    of me. Today he just wont shut the **** up about the stupidest ****. SHUT UP we have a ******* visitor, I'm exhausted he wont stop talking so she leaves and I can ******* go to bed.
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I didn't used to be so nice.

    I thought I was entitled to have sex whenever and however I chose, at one time. I thought my husband should bow to my whim, whenever I chose, because I was a woman, and a somewhat attractive one. Boy, did he set me straight. He countered by refusing me and never explaining why...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I am probably asking the choir,

    but if your spouse who you allegedly love said they were ready to leave over a sexless marriage, and they claim they want to fix it and spend the rest of their lives/grow old with you, wouldnt you put some serious effort into fixing the problem?! I would be planning romantic...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    So with Valentine's day fast approaching I have

    seen a few threads on here with V-day in the narrative portion and the responses to the stories. So, with that in mind: How many of you are doing something for V-day and what are feelings about it either way?
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 27 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    A lot of sexless stories I read is

    so different from mine. My hubby is a kind, intelligent and caring person. He has been very supportive to my career and he also is a good dad to our son. He does not watch pron, does not drink and smoke. However, he does not show any intimacy to me! This drives me nuts! So often...
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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