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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,108 People

    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 38 Responses Mar 31

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    Last night he gently touched my thigh in bed,

    snuggled close. I'm not sure if that's what he considers a "move" or "I tried!" ....is he that passive? Or am I missing major cues? To me... Let's start with some kissing. Oh how I miss a good "get it on" kiss. We haven't really kissed in what seems like years....
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Marriage without touch Broken souls wander in

    pain The years march onward **** Edit: I am not currently sad. In fact, I'm quite flirty. I'm also creative, thus the haiku.
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    From Psychology Today,

    an important read for the many who are walking on eggshells in their romantic relationship. What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships A look inside lives spent walking on eggshells. Post published by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Jun 10, 2015 in Anger in the Age of Entitlement...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    After 10 years of marriage

    and 2 kids I am lucky to have sex once a month. He blames working too much, being tired etc. I used to go after sex a lot, but after numerous rejections I have stopped. I did however start writing down the number of times he watches ****. So far this month he has watched **** 8...
    laiken20 laiken20 36-40, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I read this article and I thought it might be

    helpful for some. It focuses on dealing with regret. http://positivemed.com/2014/11/04/10-choices-will-regret-10-years/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Long time since I've posted I'm going to keep

    it simple point form - still having frequent (not as much as id like but can't claim sexless) - the quality is there (she is with me at those moments - it isn't just me initiating - the relationship isn't perfect -she still has depression/anxiety - she still rewrites history...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Like so many of you, I live in a sexless

    marriage. The torment and longing for sex get worse day after day. Human's are not meant or designed to live this way. Many of you, especially you younger ones, have much to look forward to. Many of you may look outside of your marriage. For various reasons I won't get into...
    AwfullyLonely AwfullyLonely 51-55, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Never make someone a priority

    who considers you optional. I was never a priority to my STBX. Everything else was more important to him than me - his job, the kids, his time at the gym. He never prioritized me and just expected me to be happy with the crumbs of attention he periodically graced me with. So...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    we have had sex 3 times this year,

    I have initiated all 3 occasions with dates and a massage, she got off on all occasions, and yet she still makes me feel like I have to beg, she constantly rejects me. I need to be touched, caressed, kissed. Men need these things just as women do, and when I try to talk to her...
    ForTheLoveofMusic ForTheLoveofMusic 31-35, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Anyone else tried psycho sexual therapy?

    How many months did it take?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are any of you in your situations

    because the refuser converted to a particular religion? Any religious reasons at all for your marriages being sexless?
    beneboo beneboo 26-30, F 3 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    All of you should get some strange

    or have some casual sex. The sexless will go away, so many people get married and decide they aren't attractive anymore. That is so incorrect.
    Trickster3272 Trickster3272 41-45 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I m always thinking that I shouldn't blame her

    for not being that interested in sex as probably she never had an ****** b4 ; even she never *********** and got one ..never tried to do that....may be I m the one to blame although I would do anything she will ask for to satisfy her but she never talks.
    Kingnothing280 Kingnothing280 31-35, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    This week was interesting.

    My H came to me and said he thought we were close to having s.e.x. again. Turns out he had a dream in which he had a hard on and was making love to me on a cliff. He said he could try taking the magic blue pill again. Now, I know the blue pills he has are ten years past expired...
    Harley53 Harley53 61-65, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I actually don't get enough.

    .. Have mentioned it but don't wanna keep sounding like a broken record.... This is bad, never thought it would get here... Maybe this marriage was a mistake... 5years in... Sex maybe twice a month... Strong maybe...
    Meohmyy Meohmyy 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    ILIASM Pathways. You are in an ILIASM shithole.

    Pathway #1 Reject the notion that your situation is the same as everyone elses' here, and hold the line that - "everything is great bar the sex" This pathway is circular. You go around and around in a circular motion, not actually getting anywhere. The anecdotal evidence in the...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I had very cold wife

    and I hated to feel turn on as she makes me feel frustrated in my young days .. And I started lusting for everything on that .. And have wildest fantasies on that ... And I started feeling that I have to get away from marriage so that I can live with what I desire ...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    It is so difficult to find anything in older

    posts on EP. I know I have read several posts with links to interesting articles on sexless marriages. I can't find them anymore. My husband claims that according to psychologists it is quite common to not have sex anymore at our age. (Such a bullsh!t, and sex disappeared from...
    Tamara68 Tamara68 46-50, F 19 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I haven't worn my wedding ring all week.

    Sadly, my husband has not even noticed. Or maybe he has and is just still happily living in denial. Ha asked me what's wrong today. I said, "it's one of those days. I'm depressed...our situation hurts." He just says, "I'm sorry babe. I love you." It's like he knows he can't...
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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