Post

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,829 People

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 137 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Days 6 and 7 – reclaiming my bed – in

    conjunction with my previous stories. So, day 6 was ok. #3 had his first real cough and found it difficult to settle in bed, so, and as is traditional I moved to the sofa. My wife doesn’t like doing ‘up all nighters’, she has an almost phobia to vomit and usually leaves...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yesterday my husband went with me to a football

    game that really only I wanted to go to. Today we ate at the restaurant I wanted to eat at. Last week he attended a cultural event that he didn't want to go to. He does almost all the house chores and he does all my laundry. He does all these things without complaining usually...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ok this is a different type of post.

    I have being in this outsourcing relationship for a while. I just came across this song Two Weeks by FKA Twigs. The lyrics are awesome anybody in the same type of relationship can relate. I just wanted to share. http://r-b.genius.com/Fka-twigs-two-weeks-lyrics
    zooomzoom zooomzoom 36-40, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Since I last wrote on here,

    my husband and I have decided to divorce after 7 years of marriage. The last time we had sex was really weird, and I just felt so distant. Counseling did not help at all, and if anything, it propelled the divorce. Right now, I feel pretty good about the decision. It really was a...
    VanillaAlmond1 VanillaAlmond1 31-35, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Tired of being lonely,

    he's fine with this nothing marriage, separate rooms,separate lives same house, no intimacy of any kind. He's passive aggressive so any time we argue be back pedals and acts like a good little boy. He honestly says almost nothing to me until he knows I'm mad or upset then he...
    Wantfreedom67 Wantfreedom67 46-50, F 22 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    drtybike drtybike 41-45, M 11 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For those with children

    who are thinking of divorcing or outsourcing, a word of caution. I won't go into my background as of now, how I grew up and how little I knew and understood of life and the world when I married at 18. I'll save that for another time. Just know that, if you do divorce or...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well progress is very good.

    If you want to know how good, let's just say tonight was like a dream and I can't feel my legs. I really hope this was the start of a good thing all over again. Learning and leaning from all the support given here has helped. I joined coda and slaa. Working on my issues and...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    http://m.mic.com/articles/98348/science-shows-writers-have-a-serious-advantage-over-the-rest-of-us?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange Interesting article
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's been a little over a month

    since I posted my last story. In this last month, the two large things that occurred were that we had our 5 year wedding anniversary and this past week my grandmother passed away. . I have been planning my exit strategy. I did meet with a lawyer, and got a lot of my...
    dangerouslyheartbroken dangerouslyheartbroken 31-35, F 7 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “Real isn't how you are made,

    ' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit. 'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Quote of the day: "Stop pressing rewind on the

    things that need to be deleted from your life. No more walking back to where you walked away from. You can’t spend your life in “revolving doors”, leaving just to come back to the same reason(s) you left for. You should refuse wasting your life going back to the same mess...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 6 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's sad but true. Been like this

    for the last 6 years. I have no idea what to do
    Apex87 Apex87 26-30, M 12 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This quote applies to many people here.

    "If you don't love yourself, you'll always be chasing after people who don't love you either." When I finally learned to love myself, I had no desire to be with my STBX. When I decided to divorce and he revealed he had been in an affair with a much younger woman, I did not...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to know your story.

    An interesting thing came up with a friend in PM. The concept of the "date of separation." Defined as the finite moment when one or both partners realize and irreversibly decide the marriage is over." Isn't it funny how often a marriage is over way before it actually ends? I...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 13 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't change my wife

    and her behavior toward me, but I can try and make some changes myself. I'm tired of waiting for her. I am going to *attempt* to only enjoy my sexuality with when I am with her. I did the affair thing a long time ago and I don't want to do that again, but now I am going to...
    tryingchange tryingchange 36-40, M 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm so sick of the heartless *** hole comments

    my self centered husband makes.
    Wantfreedom67 Wantfreedom67 46-50, F 6 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 67 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am not married yet

    but what i want to say that when i read about husbands let theirs wives in sexless i cant believe that there are kind of people like that .how can ???? How can someone sleeps easily and he knows that there is a wife upstairs waiting for him to just say i am here for you . For me...
    angel089 angel089 26-30, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This SM thing is such an emotional carousel.

    I didn't say roller-coaster, because that would imply peaks and valleys, which don't exist for me. I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning/early afternoon. H had gone to a 12-step meeting and was feeling more open. He was much more affectionate than usual and we had a...
    WestSiderWoman WestSiderWoman 46-50, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So my husband just had the Nerve to joke about

    me thinking he was cheating...I told him he's missed the point, that he's been sleeping on the couch for years. That I've been crying and begging him to come upstairs for years...How can he think it's funny, I started to cry and he told me"no tears". But did he come over to hold...
    Blondeangelmom Blondeangelmom 56-60, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We've been going to individual

    and couples counseling for some time now as she has been having issues being intimate. The wife has a lot of issues going on which I understand and I try to be as supportive as I can. Yesterday we both had our separate individual session. My therapist was telling me to give this...
    JaredDac JaredDac 31-35, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My husband and I no longer sleep in the same

    room and he disappears for days at a time with these wild outlandish bull **** stories. I feel so alone, my self esteem is in the toilet and he is a narcissist who is both emotionally and verbally abusive. Yet, if a guy even speaks to me he becomes a jealous freak. I'm scared to...
    sadie44chambers sadie44chambers 41-45, F 13 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Post card from single land We often talk

    about the benefits of leaving a SM in terms of being able to engage intimately with someone, ie, opposite land. Nearly six months into living separately I want to talk about the benefits of being single- as opposed to being alone within a dysfunctional marriage. Benefit...
    faerylight faerylight 41-45, F 29 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel
    evie36 evie36 41-45, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't usually post random thoughts,

    but my STBX's stupidity has reached a new low and I am frustrated beyond belief with his attitude. - Two months ago, when I finally told my intimacy-adverse spouse that I wanted a divorce, the first words out of his mouth were, "We can't afford a divorce!" This response is...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 9 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I've been putting off this update

    for a while. I cannot do so any longer. It's long and winding, so if you choose to dive in, prepare yourself. Curious things are happening in the Pillow household. About a month ago I wrote that my emotionally absent, sexually repressed husband had suddenly decided that he was...
    Catonapillow Catonapillow 31-35, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Undecided whether to post this under this group

    or under the other one "I'm having random thoughts", I believe posted here the discussion shall be more thoughtful and sensitive. Going through a period in my life in which I'm reflecting about my past, the present and the future, I can't stop thinking that how I got myself...
    TheDreamyWoman TheDreamyWoman 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Me, myself and my parents marriage.

    .. I asked my wife to go to a shrink with me about 3 years ago. she did not refuse the idea, but she ways always too busy, or tired or had a headache. Ironic I thought...at that point it was really sinking in... I went to the shrink by myself anyway to gain some clarity and...
    frozenhere frozenhere 31-35, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel