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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,242 People

    Last night. No fight with spouse,

    no argument with spouse, got my son to bed, I put our daughter to bed (also no argument) got to bed went to sleep, she fell asleep, took care of myself (again) Not bad... Better than hearing yelling from the little one Today Got up took her to work, she expressed a desire to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 28

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    Had an interesting experience today.

    Stbx had asked me to go see his therapist, as his therapist wanted to understand my reasons for divorce. Which would help with therapy sessions with my stbx. I met her today we only got to year 9 and she asked me to stop- stared at me and just said why did you not leave then? It...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Yesterday I decided I would not cook dinner

    for my STBX, and made just enough for me and the kids. As I was making plates and placing them on the table, my 10yr old notices the serving dishes nearing empty, and says "there won't be any left for dad." Then the 7yr old offers up "I'll just take those last tamales, dad can...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    A little unintentional bombshell last night.

    Wife had a concert, out until late (11pm). Told her I was going to upgrade her MacBook Air to OS X Yosemite after boys were in bed, asked her to close down anything important before she leaves. So I get to her computer after everyone is asleep, notice she left her Mail app...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hi everyone!!! I'm so glad I found this site,

    I find it helps so much when your able to chat with people going threw the same or almost same situation. I've been dating this guy for three mths now and we've only had intercourse twice and they were about three weeks apart and at the begging of our relationship. Since then he...
    Chevy1973 Chevy1973 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    The 9 Most Overlooked Threats to a

    Marriage http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5972534?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063 This article made me really think about how we view marriage and what's important to know about one another. When I started reading it, I was annoyed. My opinion had been that communication is almost...
    papaya6 papaya6 22-25, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 142 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Since I realized my problem I occasionally find

    myself wondering about the other couples I know. There are two who make me happy and sad at the same time. The friend who texts back and forth with her husband a few times a day, trading jokes and sharing. The other who I observed once at a holiday party. He came up to her...
    Putfeelingsaside Putfeelingsaside 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    After childbearing, it has been extremely hard

    to reach it again. Sometimes, I don't feel anything at all. Sometimes, I do feel it coming then it dwindles. What advice can u give me? I try to imagine and finger but it doesn't work.
    Cotton1234567890 Cotton1234567890 31-35, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I attempted to have "the talk" with my STBX

    yesterday morning. I with the fact that we were both clearly miserable, and that things couldn't go on indefinitely the way they are. I mentioned that it has been nearly a year since he'd agreed to attend couples therapy, and that only have we not had a session, he has yet to...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 8 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    The older brother I always wanted!

    !! Older brother has a job and does the yard work and takes out the trash. We do sleep in the same bed, but I imagine it's because we must be poor and don't have a choice. Kind of like the two sets of grandparents in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. We don't touch at...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I'm in a quandary + need answers.

    I've been living in a sexless Marriage for 14 yrs. Himself loves me but doesn't desire me. We met when he was single + living in a bedsit. He wanted out + I was his way out to another City. He hasn't told me that he doesn't desire me-that's just my take. He's always hugging me...
    124Bee 124Bee 51-55, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    It ****** me off when my husband puts on a show.

    I ask him all the time if he wants to shower with me. He always says no. Today we have friends over an we are getting ready to go out. He asks if I want to jump in the shower with him. I call him out and say you never want to shower with me! He tries to play it off and make me...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 13 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    I am the only one that ever starts sex.

    My wife never does anything to try and get ME going, it is always me working to get her in the mood.
    PrettyOnTheInside PrettyOnTheInside 31-35, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    I recently posted this Ted Talk in "I'm leaving

    a sexless marriage." I thought it belongs here. I hope you find it validating. I sure did. Here goes... I was looking for a Ted Talk to watch as I have done many times before...This talk was first on my list. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2MAx95m20 I watched and had...
    frspch frspch 51-55, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband came home

    for the weekend. When he left to go back, he text me this; "You probably already know this, but you need to do something for your sanity. Go volunteer, get a job or get a boyfriend. You seem like you are losing it, and you can't stay up in your room or stay in the house all the...
    GreyStreet98 GreyStreet98 46-50, F 47 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 41 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    This is ******* with my head.

    . Text from h: Going to bed soon, just wanted to let you know that I love you and I am a lucky man to have such an amazing wife.
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 304 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Quick pole: Are you and/or your wife

    introverts ? Reason: introverts will not spend their recharged energy on someone they see as hostile towards them. Important to think about....while we (if that's your goal) reconnect.
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I just need to vent. So this week sucked my

    soul dry. I got a call on Monday and my mammogram showed a questionable area in my left breast, scheduled two further tests on Friday. I had a colonoscopy scheduled on Tuesday (family history of colon cancer), they removed a polyp and sent it for biopsy. Got a text from my...
    driftingtiger driftingtiger 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    So he started being extra nice.

    He has always been a considerate husband. But he started being more patient, he even sent me flowers for the first time in years. I wondered what in the world was up with him. I'd accepted that he didn't love me and didn't put any further energy into the relationship. I'd...
    Putfeelingsaside Putfeelingsaside 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    It is what it is. By the end of my first

    marriage, I wasnt having sex with my wife. Not because I didnt want to, I just couldnt. I was not attracted to her anymore. I dont mean her boby. I mean her. I didnt like her. I was tired of her trying to mother me and boss me around. I remember when she was free and funny...
    RobertCarlos RobertCarlos 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    To those of you still in sexless marriages with

    minor affection eg. Hand holding and a hug......when you know there is nothing behind it (no passion, no snogging, no sex) does it feel somehow empty? To me, these now increasingly feel like empty gestures. Any one else feel this way?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Before we got married I was told things

    like- I can't imagine my life without you I'm excited to have a family and raise kids with you. You are the smartest person in the room You aren't like other girls I will support you no matter what, especially if you or a family member gets sick. I admire how well you managed...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    http://betterafter50.

    com/2013/02/is-a-sexless-marriage-reason-to-divorce/ Food for thought
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3

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    I find that as I've been going through this

    painful process songs suddenly actually mean something. I know the lyrics, but now they actually seem to mean something. So it got me thinking. What song(s) speak to you the most right now during whatever you are going through? I've got a couple... When I'm trying to...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    My wife is amazing as a mother

    and cars for our family like none other, but has NEVER taken the initiative physically. I've communicated my desire for sexual adventure or my need for her to show she wants it, but all I get is "women are wired differently" and "I could live without it"...
    wishfulthinking12 wishfulthinking12 36-40, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Rewiring Needed! I was wondering today how

    many people have gone from one poor relationship partner to the next? It seems to me that a lot of us in this group have been with an abusive partner before being in a sexless marriage. Some of us, including myself, can trace our poor choices to childhood abuse and dysfunction...
    Artvg Artvg 41-45, F 13 Responses 1 day ago