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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,157 People

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    with the year drawing to a close,

    I just wish to thank everyone in the ILIASm community for their support, encouragement, and advice during the past year. I appreciate the opportunity to vent, to seek council, to learn and to participate with all of you. Here's to a better 2015 for all of us.
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 5 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    I have not posted in this group in forever,

    and I hope I'm not jinxing things by saying this, but things are getting a bit better. I'm just hoping it isn't reset sex. Guess we'll see... Wishing everyone a blessed new year : )
    pamelamc pamelamc 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Maybe not for long. Over the years,

    I have let it be known that I am not happy with the marital situation. I asked if things could change. Apparently not. A few months ago, she told me that it seems as if I don't want to stay married to her. I gave her no argument. Well, after Jan. 1, it is supposed to happen...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Attempt to improve the relationship?

    . So, during the post-Xmas days, the man has been making an extra effort to do things that make me happy. . I haven't cooked a meal since I've been in town. . Yesterday, the weather was nice, so he suggested going to my favorite part of this city - the cool, funky neighborhood...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 24 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Christmas was a nice time home with family.

    Usually we go away. Last year it was my family but this year we stayed in town and spent it with his. H and I never buy each other xmas gifts (we make it all abt the kids) so I didn't get him an Xmas gift and didn't expect one from him. He surprised me with a hotel stay for this...
    bleutifulheart bleutifulheart 36-40, F 1 hr ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Look what was in my Christmas cracker!

    A pertinent slight at my sexlessness or I read sex into everything. :-)
    Stayandcheat Stayandcheat 36-40, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    So H came in and accused me of writing online

    about our situation. He obviously knows about my EP account and my posts on ILIASM, & was demanding a divorce because of my "betrayal" of his trust. It doesn't matter to me, I used it as an opener to a serious discussion. He tried saying I need to quit taking my meds (Zoloft 50...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 2 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Hello. I have been in a sexless marriage

    for almost 9 years now -- no intercourse, no intimacy whatsoever. Forgive me for the x-rated question....maybe I am just so desperately fantasizing about every detail of intercourse that I have been dwelling on what happens to a woman's body when she doesn't have intercourse...
    CJinAZ CJinAZ 46-50, F 7 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    My iPhone constantly tries to autocorrect the

    word "wife" to "ride" when I am typing. I think it's a bit ironic that I never get to ride my wife even though my iPhone seems to think I do.
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 10 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    I am also in a sexless marriage,

    well very, very infrequent sex anyway and very, very bad sex when I get it! We go for months without it and it is usually me who initiates when it does happen. It has been like this for years ever since having the kids. He has even turned me down sometimes. It just doesn't...
    CallieB CallieB 36-40, F 1 hr ago

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    But for the last several months,

    not a sexless life. I met a person who became a FWB. She taught me that all women are not ice cubes. Later, I met someone who also was not an ice cube. She was also different, much different. She was also 19 years younger than me. I was worried how that big gap in ages...
    SolarCell SolarCell 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Why does people not understand

    that sex is large part of marriage. It is not everything but it is a large thing and without it feelings die.
    JustTelling JustTelling 51-55, M 7 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    I've been with my husband for about 8 years married for 1 with a child. Before getting married we were like rabbits every time we saw each other but now, ever since I became pregnant and had the baby, he never wants to have sex. I'm in my mid 20s and trying to initiate. A few...
    Mro19 Mro19 22-25, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why is it that I blame myself

    for my husband's issues? I am a woman who loves sex and as crappy as it sounds, needs the intimacy to feel loved. 5 1/2 years of tears, anger, screaming, and total breakdowns, along with too many broken promises, I feel my husband's touch maybe once a year. I find myself...
    BeautifullyBroken80 BeautifullyBroken80 31-35, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Funny story -- My son is here from out of town.

    We got in the elevator to go see a movie. H decided to compare his iPhone 6 Plus to my son's Samsung Galaxy. He bragged his was bigger, obviously a macho double entendre. Son says, "Well I use mine more. It's not the size, it's how you use it!" Lol. At this point H was...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    You know this is so true.

    ..but im not married so its a different scenario lol
    Cerda114 Cerda114 18-21, M 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    mrremarkable mrremarkable 41-45, M 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I'm not married but am in a sexless

    relationship. I'm not used to sexual rejection. I've always had a guy who wasn't intimidated by me and loved being intimate with me. I love the guy, but it's like pulling teeth to get him interested. It makes me super bummed going without for weeks at a time.
    Lilmisshappymess Lilmisshappymess 26-30, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    http://www.dailystrength.

    org/groups/victims-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/discussions/messages/16457808/page-6 Holy crap this is perfect how it describes why narcs and psychopaths refuse sex in relationship. I read the comments and there was a woman who describes how her partner tried to punish her during...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Just want to say a big thank you to all the EP

    folks who gave me strength over the last few months which I had somehow lost within myself. Hearing your stories and sharing our experiences made me feel less isolated in this circumstance I found myself in. Having this community felt uniting, and hearing other people's courage...
    js82 js82 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    I have finally thrown in the towel.

    For the last few months I have told my wife that I do not know what else to do to save our marriage. I told her that her turning me away is making me feel dejected. I ask for guidance from her to improve our marriage. No response, she is mute. I have warned her multiple...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 41-45, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    You Know Sometimes, The Only Thing You Can Do

    Is To Laugh at your Situation:I know the other side of this is that the truth just plain hurts! 
    Longrun Longrun 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 150 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Heart to Heart After reading everything others

    shared, I decided it was time to have yet another heart to Heart conversation. It started out like most of the others, however the difference, there was no begging or pleading on my side for my H to be physical with me. Instead, it consisted of me freeing him to do as he...
    BeautifullyBroken80 BeautifullyBroken80 31-35, F 37 mins ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    My son died in 1997. It was her first pregnancy

    and he only lived for 30 days. We couldn't even bring him home from the hospital. She blamed me for things, I blamed her for things, and we both tried to move on from that. She conceived shortly after that and we had our first daughter...exactly one year (365 days) after we lost...
    MakinRaider MakinRaider 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    HUGE progress today. We discussed possible

    terms of divorce- nothing final- just different scenarios of how this could pan out. He agreed to my custody plan. Child support & the house are TBD, but he left both of those up to me- for now. I am coming to terms with letting the house go & moving in with family until I can...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago