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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,956 People

    Well Approaching the three year mark

    since my ex and I separated.... still no sex with anyone, but I no longer feel the craving like I once did. Maybe it's advancing age? I've stopped feeling that desperate need to be with someone and am just 'being' for the moment. I can't really be involved with someone else...
    cvann5 cvann5 51-55, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6903038?

    cps=gravity_3967_-5816385415675001965
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    I did..after so long of attempting to work

    things out.... For absolutely no reason at all...and that's that!
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Back in 2010, if you asked me how my marriage

    was, I would have said "great". That's the year that one of my favorite artists, Ray Lamontagne, released his album, God Willing And The Creek Don't Rise. As a fan of his, I bought that album on the release date. There was a song on there that stopped me in my tracks. The...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    So after choosing to outsource with Corky in

    America,, it was really all about talking reality and if change in our everyday life was warranted .. If we felt the same together in real time as online. Hard one I know ,, and have tried to separate the two situations just for a while ,,, Since I have been home which has been...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 35 Responses 6 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    UPDATE # 7 - see link to follow previous

    pathetic storyline: EP Link It's been a while but I suppose I should update my horrible saga since some of you might have wondered what happened to me. This is as good a time as any since I'm sitting in a half empty dive bar near my home...nursing a beer by myself on a lonely...
    TheFallen75 TheFallen75 36-40, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    It's fine most of the time.

    But then I watch a movie, and there are two people in love, making love, and it hits me that I may never get to do that again with my husband. Or that I'd love to reach over and take his hand and touch him, but that it would only result in rejection. It's not that everyday...
    GeorgeSands GeorgeSands 31-35, F 11 Responses 6 days ago

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    Perspectives from Oppositeland There is a

    common misconception on here, it seems, that Oppositeland is some sort of magical paradise for people who have left their sexless marriages – a place where everything turns out perfectly. No wonder, then, the disappointments experienced by some of the newly separated...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    This illustrates the problem in dysfunctional

    marriage. Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put...
    in2mec in2mec 56-60, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 154 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 274 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    I found a very interesting article online

    that discusses what happens to a lot of us in SM. It describes exactly what I felt like. http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/partner-stops-giving-silent-pain-emotional-withholding-fiff/ Edit: I need to add, that I am now seven months out, still grieving somewhat, I...
    greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72 41-45, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    She will only hold my hand in front of her

    friends. She never uses my first name. Her priority is her friends and social circle. She will not even touch me, unless her nfl team scores. I hate my lust. She tells me to out grow it. I need a Skype lover. I am pathetic. No way out. This is depressing.
    MrSoCal MrSoCal 46-50, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    10 months out... This is going to be a tale

    from the other side. My divorce was finalized this month. I can still remember the first time I found this group, and I can still remember how I went back and forth about agreeing with the people that were telling me to get out and never look back but I also remember how I...
    Cucly80 Cucly80 31-35, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    I admit my role. We have each had times

    as refusers. We usually got out of it before a death spiral started. I'm not sure this time. I need some counselor (maybe more than one even - me, us may need different guides)...but here's where I need some advice.,, My only experience of counseling is very square - how do I...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Blogs here will soon die.

    .. :( Don't forget to save them somewhere! On June 21st, EP will be discontinuing Blogs due to ongoing maintenance issues. Please export your blog content by clicking here.
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 8 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I'm happy to report that this may be my last

    post in ILIASM because our divorce is almost final. We agreed on everything and we communicate well as co parents and friends. He is aware that I am dating and is not angery or sad or jealous. He sees the kids a few hours a week, which gives me a little break. I am dating a...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 21 Responses 3 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I'm longing for his touch

    and still another lonely night. The pain is growing deeper and it is consuming me. I love him so much and would love the world for him but he is killing me slowly. I find myself asking wether it's me or him and get so confused just at the thoughts of why. My heart races when I...
    crazy1983 crazy1983 31-35, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    "Now as many people survive cancer

    as due from cancer" the advert tells us Surviving is only the first step. If the experience and the after effects screw over the patient mentally and / or physically then they may have survived cancer, but their marriage will probably be f****d I hate those adverts - implying...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 37 Responses Mar 31

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    My first day as a single person,

    on my own after almost 25-years of misery - longing for love, intimacy, and sex - yet now I'm free, I have no desire for a relationship or sex. The irony.
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 19 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    UPDATE: I've decided not to initiate sex

    anymore, meaning the once a month 60 secs sex is not going to happen anymore. Found myself a job, and I am happy with my life at the moment, my husband is a good "house mate" I don't have to worry about pregnancy at all, cos we don't have sex, How do i take care of myself...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My wife and I were heading

    for divorce when she was diagnosed with an illness that will kill her. Tomorrow or 20 years; nobody knows. I could not leave after that. So I'm basically stuck in a sexless marriage. For those of you who say, "Just leave", don't bother. I made a vow and I'm sticking with it.
    Slider59 Slider59 51-55, M 20 Responses 5 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I've been with my love

    for 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I love him more than anything but he's never here longer than our child's bed time. I am left to myself all evening, every evening while he continues on with the social life we used to share before we were parents. We haven't had sex since...
    Cricket6290 Cricket6290 22-25, F 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 161 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Oh dear hearts, a new theme song

    for us! Or maybe just for me... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GBT37_yyzY
    DeborahManning DeborahManning 51-55, F 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    PART 5: What a difference a few days makes.

    No, I'm not talking about the sex, that's already non-existent in this sexless marriage, I am talking about the kids even having a mum is dependent on her ovulation cycle. Previous Saturday (ovulation period) Mood was good, hardly any disagreements. Wakes up shortly after the...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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