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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,134 People

    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Tales from early in opposite land: I've moved

    out and am getting settled into my new place. It's near the old place so I'm in a familiar neighborhood looking at my town from the same perspective as always. I liked that part of my life and am glad I could almost keep it intact. So far I love the freedom. I love that I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 8 Responses 1 hr ago

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    2005 - 2015 - What's Different ?

    2005 - I was still in my ILIASM deal 2015 - I am in the relationship of my life 2005 - I was living in suburbia 2015 - I am living in a small country town 2005 - I had a very financially rewarding job 2015 - I have a part time job and some volunteer work that I find very...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    From Psychology Today,

    an important read for the many who are walking on eggshells in their romantic relationship. What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships A look inside lives spent walking on eggshells. Post published by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Jun 10, 2015 in Anger in the Age of Entitlement...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    The lack of sex is painful.

    The lack of an emotional bond is more painful. Just not understanding and being understood, painful more so. Just the heart wrenching realization that it will not get better, no matter my fantasies, my heart sinks, my body revolts. I know what I need to do for me, but I...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Last night, I told Husband

    that the possible re-starting of our sexual relationship would have to be preceded by discussions similar to talks at the U.N. ;-) I said that he would have to negotiate to gain permission to cross into my national borders. I am gaining understanding that Husband is deeply...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Last night he gently touched my thigh in bed,

    snuggled close. I'm not sure if that's what he considers a "move" or "I tried!" ....is he that passive? Or am I missing major cues? To me... Let's start with some kissing. Oh how I miss a good "get it on" kiss. We haven't really kissed in what seems like years....
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Now that same-sex marriage has been effectively

    legalized across the U.S., I propose we outlaw no-sex marriage!
    scrimshaw scrimshaw 46-50, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Never make someone a priority

    who considers you optional. I was never a priority to my STBX. Everything else was more important to him than me - his job, the kids, his time at the gym. He never prioritized me and just expected me to be happy with the crumbs of attention he periodically graced me with. So...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    I read this article and I thought it might be

    helpful for some. It focuses on dealing with regret. http://positivemed.com/2014/11/04/10-choices-will-regret-10-years/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Are any of you in your situations

    because the refuser converted to a particular religion? Any religious reasons at all for your marriages being sexless?
    beneboo beneboo 26-30, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Ah, sweet revenge. I gave a speech this morning

    to about 2,000 people. My size 0 skirt is getting a little tight and my husband noticed that I've put on some weight. He wished me luck on my way out, and said, "Go Team Chunky Monkey". A-hole. . I just called my AP/boyfriend/lover. Going to spend the afternoon having some hot...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    I found this article interesting.

    You have to hang with it for a bit, but it makes a lot of good points. It is not inherently about sexless marriage, but touches on advice given here in a different way. Happy Tuesday, ya'll. http://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    Got Divorced before a 4 days.

    It was over a long time ago, and now it's over officially. From Mr.excuses to STBX and now just Ex. Relieved I have a friend, who is stuck in a bad marriage. We were talking and surprisingly, tears started rolling down my cheeks. He asked me the reason, and I was speechless. I...
    coolvolatile coolvolatile 31-35, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Omg. I never knew what a sexless marriage was.

    I always blamed myself, that I was no good, that if only I did this or that or was a better person things would get better. I have been in a SM for ten ******* years, and I finally had a break-down this past December. I googled "why won't my wife have sex with me?" And learned...
    bornin65 bornin65 46-50, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Marriage without touch Broken souls wander in

    pain The years march onward **** Edit: I am not currently sad. In fact, I'm quite flirty. I'm also creative, thus the haiku.
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I found this site on the web

    for asexual's (i'm not one, hubby could be one I guess) but the point is, there is a group for sexual spouses of these asexual people. So they can go there for support. They seem to generally be looking for support and it seems really positive. Just thought i'd post it. The...
    Janicecakes Janicecakes 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Three Years in ILIASM This June marked my

    third-year anniversary on ep/iliasm. What a trip it has been, and the ride isn’t quite over. After 19 months of separation, my ex is still wearing his wedding ring. We don’t have a legal custody arrangement, nor does he pay child support. He would not go to mediation...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    6 months into fixing our SM-Part 1: Many of my

    friends on ILIASM have encouraged me to post an update. Here goes: Well, it has been 6 months since "the talk" last December. I threatened to leave, changed over bank accounts, had bags packed, etc. and gave her an ultimatum. It FINALLY got her attention. We have been...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    All of you should get some strange

    or have some casual sex. The sexless will go away, so many people get married and decide they aren't attractive anymore. That is so incorrect.
    Trickster3272 Trickster3272 41-45 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I want to thank EP again.

    I joined a few days before Halloween 2014. I spoke to a few GREAT people on here. Writing my stories and recalling each event in my failed marriage helped me realize how unhappy I truly was. Journal entries on here were the same story month after month. Reading your input of...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I had very cold wife

    and I hated to feel turn on as she makes me feel frustrated in my young days .. And I started lusting for everything on that .. And have wildest fantasies on that ... And I started feeling that I have to get away from marriage so that I can live with what I desire ...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Okay, there comes a time in every girl's life

    when she needs to replace her toys. I figured that this group would be the best place for advice on the best new 'toys' for me.oops wrong picture...oh well, you get the gist.So ....I want to replace all my toys with new ones, I'm bored with the same ole same ole.  Colour is...
    luminesce luminesce 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 3 days ago

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