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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,904 People

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I want to get out,but

    where will I go?Im so miserable,I want to vanish
    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Alright fellow ILIASM'ers.

    It's Friday and I don't know about you but I am dreading the thought of being home this weekend with my refuser. She's barely spoken to me over the last 3 days and her anger and silent treatment are so difficult to be around. I can't wait to spend time with my daughters, but I...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    This is it? Your checklist is complete?

    You have the career you constantly have to bring up in conversation with friends and total strangers....don't misunderstand, you've worked hard to achieve success , but people are starting to roll their eyes every time you bring up the subject. We have an awesome child...
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    So, a question for everyone.

    I message with a few of the ladies here on EP. I consistently hear from them that any time they post a message in the Sexless Marriage or Unhappy Marriage forums they get at least six to ten messages from guys offering them sex or sending them pictures of their wiener. This...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 27 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    14 years of marriage,

    18 years together and sex has never been a priority for my husband. He was sexually abused by a camp counselor as a child and that abuse has affected our relationship, I'm just not sure he realizes it. Previous relationships in my past have always been sexually satisfying. Now I...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is it passive-aggressiveness?

    ? Every day or week I change my mental diagnosis of my husband. One week I'm convinced he's got a health problem and it's all physical and if only I could get him to the doctor. The next week, I'm convinced he's just a traumatized little boy in a man's body and I feel sorry for...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 15 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Someone needs to warn the girls.

    Everyone tells boys marriage is an undesirable trap, someone needs to tell the girls. I wish someone warned me. I choose celibacy. I have no desire for my spouse, he killed it with rejection years ago, I only now realized that even if the sex came back, I do not want it. I...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Husband and I continue to experience growth

    together as a couple. For those who are new to my stories: my marriage dwindled in the sex department for some years, until we hit a period of two solid years with NO intimacy whatsoever (nor emotional connection), in which he specifically said he didn't think sex was important...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    My W had some information

    and a question for me this morning. She informed me that an ED clinic had opened in a city about 15 miles from us. The center was advertising guaranteed results for $99. The ad also had a testimonial from an 88yr.old woman whose 92yr. old husband had the procedure and had been...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Well she brought it up tonight.

    The D word. We got in an argument not even in person but in texts and she says we need to talk about splitting up. Says we cant even work together on the most basic things without fighting about it. She says we're not even freinds. That kinda hurt. This whole thing hurts. Gonna...
    harleyman2169 harleyman2169 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    We had a wonderful discussion the other day.

    I told him I love him very much, but that I didn't feel like we were connecting. It was eye opening for him, and he realized he's been ignoring "us". Last night we held hands for the first time in I don't know how long. It was fantastic! Baby steps. I'm happy we're moving...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    So emotionally tired from many things

    and this complete lack of respect towards me by my refuser is keeping me angry all the time. I'm so tired I wish to fall asleep and have a heart attack and die. I struggle so much in life without this sexless relationship but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Is anyone else having to "dig" to find ILIASM

    experiences? It's been days since new stories appeared in my feed? Feeling left out :(
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 147 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Jhbanana Jhbanana 26-30, F 49 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    So, here I am again. I just had to email the

    lawyer to have him served. He said he would sign, but so far hasn't. And when I emailed him asking if he had/would- I got scripture and some sentiments about where is my btit? UGH. This sucks. My parents are just... still absent, which is fine, but the silence is pregnant with...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I don't trust you. Not in the cheating way,

    but I don't trust how you might react or influence our son when I walk out the door. I don't trust you to remain a loving mother when you're left with all the responsibility of being a mother.
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    My son had his 16th birthday this week.

    He was born at 1:04 pm, so on Tuesday, shortly after 1:00, my wife sent me a text: Remember what we were doing at 1:00 pm 16 years ago? I remember, and seeing my son born was amazing, but to confess, my mind also wandered back to what we were doing 9 months prior to my son...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Child custody?! I have no idea how to do this

    part.. Anyone please share what you are doing or what I should do? Facts- we now live about 40 miles apart. We both work full-time. I work every other weekend. I want him to spend to spend time with his son..
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    After 13 years of marriage,

    1 wonderful child, and 4 agonizing years of denial. frustration, and longing, I have finally reached the limit of my tether in this spacewalk of what is supposed to be "normal" life, and have to decide whether to reel myself back to the burning space station or to cut the line...
    MrFurious MrFurious 46-50, M 30 mins ago

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    I'm trying to text with my left pointer finger

    so forgive any typos. The surgery went well. They gave me a pain block so yesterday I was quite numb on the right side. I'm on anti nausea meds to help me tolerate the Vicodin. So far so good. I have a six inch incision & a metal plate on my right outer arm bone. The cast is...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I'm so tired of jacking off its crazy,

    I work at night so when I get off she's sleeping f#ckkkkk! It's frustrating!
    1handsomeMan29 1handsomeMan29 26-30, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Taking the steps from being "we" focused to

    "me" focused didn't come easy. It wasn't natural...but now that I've accomplished it, i feel like a fresh new me. Or like the old me, before I gave up me...to work on we. A we that was just a mirage, created with smoke and mirrors. It's interesting to see how the avoidant...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Date Nite - The Big Picture Sunday caught

    me in a melancholy mood, but good hubby was back.  Or mostly back, as I did send the nurse a note thanking her for spending her evening with me.  I did not immediately get a reply.  Nothing about that occurred to me as unusual.   While continuing to work...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    My husband and I have been married

    for 15 1/2 years. We are both professionals, and we have good jobs. From the outside everything looks wonderful. We travel. We don't have children. He's withheld sex from me for four years. The last time he was willing to try was in 2010. We've gone on beautiful vacations, and I...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I would be embarrassed

    if anyone caught me doing this but when I'm just so discouraged about life that I can't think about anything else, I will play all my sad woe-is-me songs and sing them loud in my car and cry and purge out all of those horrible crappy emotions that I'm tired of having. Do you do...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 25 Responses 2 hrs ago

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