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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 46,603 People

    No sex in 4 years, wife became totally

    disinterested after menopause, is this normal? I'm going crazy! I'm so frustrated and tired of taking things into my own hands, so to speak.
    DaveInNH53 DaveInNH53 51-55, M 12 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 68 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    My time has come. Court is tomorrow.

    Hopefully it is the last court date and I get my divorce. It is bittersweet. I had such hopes. I took my vows seriously. For better or worse. Well he ruined me financially and isolated me from my loved ones for years. He never gave me money. I gave him everything that I had. I...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 36-40, F 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 99 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Where do I start? The last time was in Cancun

    six years ago. Then it is almost as if a switch went off. Nothing since then. We have a platonic relationship now I guess. She says she loves me but I wish that part of my life were still here. I was 46 she was 45. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and relapsed for two days at 48...
    panaggie panaggie 46-50, M 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    I'm not receiving any good head lately

    so I just don't give her the long deep magic stick. I will rather go without sex than good head. That's my ultimatum. Gotta give to receive
    scorpi0m3 scorpi0m3 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I had a long day yesterday.

    . up at 3am for inventory.. then on to meet a winemaker at 2pm for wine tasting his wines and then to another wine tasting event with a suppliers portfolio... ok.. I'll be posting my "experience".. just another event...
    caressablecat caressablecat 51-55, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I finally lined up both a marriage counselor

    (to help us sort out whether or not our marriage is toast) and an individual therapist (to help me get my **** together) and now the marriage counselor is pissed that I've got my own therapy going on the side. - Why the hell should she care what I'm doing to salvage my ****** up...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 30 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 25 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    So I'm jist checking in.

    I have a job interview and its in my field :) this temp job could also possibly lead to something if her new hire doesn't work out. She wants me lol. So we shall see. Living with my brother is working for me. Its not ideal but I'm appreciative of it all. The space is nice. He...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    First I do love my wife

    but it's getting very ridiculous not having sex ever. We've been married 15 years and up until a couple years ago it seemed like we did it every night and now it's never. Even when one of the few times we do she puts no effort into it and basically I do all the work from...
    JRBWT JRBWT 31-35, M 7 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 62 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    I'll be married for 10 years in November.

    We have been together 14 years. I am 35 and my husband is 40. We dated 4 years before we got married.We had sex very few times when I was dating him. He sat me down one day and told me he wanted to wait until after marriage before having sex again. So shortly after we got...
    sweetwoman34 sweetwoman34 31-35, F 30 Responses 2 days ago

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    This is difficult for me to admit,

    but being at such a young age (partner is the same) I would have though sex and intimacy would be a greater part of our relationship. Currently I am lucky if once every few months. What hurts more is she'll play with her toys beside me before we go to sleep. It hurts that much...
    geogreen geogreen 22-25, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    I stumbled across this song on YouTube.

    I'm a Natalie Merchant fan and was surprised I hadn't heard this song before. I've done some research about the meaning of the song. I read all different kinds of theories about it being about someone dying from cancer or someone with an eating disorder like anorexia. I also...
    greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72 41-45, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 547 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Psychology Today has a couple of recent

    articles regarding "Does Sexless marriage justify adultery". The articles are reasonable and informed and the comments worthwhile. They might help those who struggle with those issues, and maybe even silence the judgemental who sometimes post here (not holding my breath...
    hl42 hl42 51-55, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    I had reset sex with my husband last night.

    I'm not sure if I did it to try to wipe out my memory of the married ******* who ****** me a couple of weeks ago and then dumped me, or because I believe my husband really wants to save our marriage. - Our marriage counselor told my husband not to take me for granted, and he's...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 9 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 291 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 32 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    As I have posted before,

    our problem is not one of refusal. If it were I would have left long ago. My hubby has ED,so is just not able,but WILLING.....(sigh). I have no problem with counseling,it's just that HOW is counseling going to help when the problem is physical? (helping me "deal" with it?). His...
    StarKat StarKat 41-45 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I love that I found this app

    and people out there in sexless marriages. My husband has a ****/************ addiction which he sees a therapist for on a weekly basis but I just don't know if our sex life will ever be good. We have been married 3-1/2 yrs and I guess I feel I was robbed of the whole "honeymoon...
    dmb8927 dmb8927 36-40, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    SheldonJPlankton SheldonJPlankton 41-45, M 20 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have started living a selfless life.

    My son only has me and my husband (as a father figure) with whome I have a sexless marriage. The rest of his immediate family hv passed away, except his grandmother .. So I cannot even think of leaving him as both of them are very fond of each other. I love my son very much and...
    Mamta123 Mamta123 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I'm a 30 year old man.

    I'm a handsome guy (I like to say I age better than I grew) with a daughter and a stable home. I have a beautiful wife and I love her dearly. We've been married now for two years and been together for close to five. I don't know what to do to make her want me. I've asked her...
    sharperthanyoursilence sharperthanyoursilence 26-30, M 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    I thought that after 19 1/2 years of a really

    great marriage, I thought it was all going to be good. Then wham I found out why he never wanted sex, he was with every female partner he trained or was on duty with. He wasn't an officer when we got married but I talked him into it. Now 3 years later I will never live without...
    tricerich tricerich 41-45, F 4 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I'm so relived I'm not alone!

    My husband has denied me sex since day one. I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have stayed with him for so long. I am a shell of a person I used to be. We have decided to work on this relationship. I'm having a hard time doing this. There are things that I am...
    kindflower kindflower 31-35, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 38 Responses Dec 2, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 36 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 51 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 31 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 44 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    It is so hard to admit

    but yes, ILIASM. It hasn't been years yet, just months, but heck yeah it's driving me nuts! My younger years had been. .. Colorful, and I'd actually broken up with bfs before who cannot satisfy my physical needs so it was just so odd of my to end up with someone who does not...
    TheRascalScribbles TheRascalScribbles 31-35, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 5 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Rejection Hurts.

    I've been reading some research work on the mental and physical reactions to various forms of social rejection (of course, with the normal caveats of avoiding correlation equals causation etc). For anyone who's interested in the science, I can post references. I believe this is...
    hl42 hl42 51-55, M 30 Responses Dec 17, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 22 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 180 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 51 Responses May 14, 2012

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 154 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    blesskb blesskb 31-35, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 40 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Hi all, anyone up for a chat?

    ? Prob end up dirty chat... :)
    MostlyHorny MostlyHorny 36-40, M 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 56 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Heartbroken for my daughter--She had a well

    child visit/physical today and the doctor asked her all the usuals but also if there was anything at home that was going on that she'd like to talk about. She broke down crying and said she just didn't understand why her mom & dad are getting a divorce. We've talked about it...
    4hopefloats 4hopefloats 41-45, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    My life is a sham. I am a 37 year old female

    and have been married to my husband for 2 years and together for 4. He has never been interested in sex with me but we did long distance when we first met so I never really noticed it. Since we've been married he NEVER initiates sex with me - ever. I used to do it all the time...
    Pattycakey Pattycakey 36-40, F 2 Responses 17 mins ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 26 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I'm not married but I was engaged

    and I had to break it off it did hurt because I really loved him but I'm a sex addict and I thought I could change that and he wanted me to change that thought I had it under control but I realized that I was still same person I haven't changed and I didn't want to change I...
    June4U June4U 22-25, F 10 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 36 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 75 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    ILIASM a year and some change later - chasing

    whys, and some navel-gazing When the man and I had our first reset after I joined ILIASM, I was all happy and optimistic, saying things like, "Twice a month is 200% better than it used to be." And now I fully understand that that was a reset - we're now back to once every month...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 22 Responses 3 days ago

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    How I can show my wife she needs to start

    paying more attention to my physical needs. We both work and we have two kids, all week while away from home and dreaming to get back see her and be loved I keep fantasizing on what we can do in bed, which toys or positions to try Then reality gets here, I get home, no sexy...
    Abetanco76 Abetanco76 36-40, M 7 Responses 1 day ago