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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,688 People

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I usually don't post here over the weekend,

    but I am out! I can't believe it, but I did it. I was supposed to take the W and my mom to my sis-in-laws Saturday morning. I did not feel comfortable doing that because: 1- W has already badmouthed me to her sister, so it will be as awkward as Xmas was. 2 - MY mom is still...
    beachlivin04 beachlivin04 41-45, M 28 Responses 3 days ago

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    Marriage counseling Session 2 Again,

    another rough session for my wife. She was defensive through the entire process. Therapist brought up my email from last session, as I expected she would because she said she would share everything we talk about in private and in group. I explained how my wife felt attacked...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    A poll for those who have told their parents

    they are divorcing/considering divorce: How did your parents react? When I tried to talk to my parents about how I am unhappy and would like to make big changes in my life, starting with leaving my husband, they were very discouraging. My dad was actually hostile, I didn't...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 13 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    So I have tried to be the man she wanted

    but now it's time to be me the man I am We have tried to make it work I have given my all but it has not worked and we have decided that to much has happened and we are different people now so the hurt has returned and I will fight though it once again time to be the best...
    Chef31 Chef31 31-35, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    After years and years of excuses,

    I decided to leave... I packed my bags and I stepped out into the great unknown... It turned out to be the best decision...
    AwesomeAlert AwesomeAlert 46-50, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    12 years of marriage

    and 2 daughters. The last 5 years have been ridiculous. I feel like a dog begging for table scraps. We have no time alone. My youngest daughter still sleeps in the bed with us even though I just bought her a brand new complete bedroom set. I'm constantly rejected and whenever I...
    PatMine PatMine 31-35, M 5 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    I live in a semi-sexless marriage.

    I don't want to. Ever. I do it to keep the peace and to make him feel loved bc if I don't he says he doesn't feel loved. We've almost been married 2 years. Struggled since before we were married. Due to his job were about to move across the ocean to a different country. Granted...
    childlessstepmom childlessstepmom 26-30, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    More pointless ramblings from HoO So a few days

    ago we had sex in the morning initiated by me but she was not into it so I cut it short. No discussion was had and the day went on as usual for a Saturday. That night we had dinner out with friends and sex was mentioned and my wife said something (I forget her exact words...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Finally. I had the nerve to stop saving what

    could no longer be saved, told my wife that I will stop trying to get her to have sex with me. I still love her and I want to become old with her. But I also want sex with a woman, and if that woman is not her, so be it. I was very afraid that she would walk away and it has...
    manfromamsterdam manfromamsterdam 56-60, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Follow up to my pointless rambling story from

    the other day: First off, thank you to all who commented. ALL OF YOU. The comments are very helpful and it looks as if no punches were pulled. Which fine I am thick skinned and have great self esteem so the more direct and blunt the better. I have a lot of self examination...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    We talked about getting separated.

    We decided to see a lawyer together to see if we can amicably hammer out a separation agreement. As for physical separation, that's yet to come. Neither can afford the house on our own. It's not like there's any urgency. I imagine as we make the agreement and go to marriage...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 47 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    So I spend time imagining my new separated life.

    For financial and logistical reasons I don't think a physical separation is imminent. Still, I imagine whenever that time comes a little house of my own (I tried imagining an apartment, I didn't like it). I feel happy about it. The freedom would be amazing and I hope it...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Today my wife and I have our second counseling

    session. The first one did not go well because my wife does not want to talk about our past/her past. She does not want to talk about her mothers mental illness. I can't help but feeling she is hiding something from me. She has told me that if I talk about the past she will...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    http://www.experienceproject.

    com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/5647490 Part 7
    realme75 realme75 36-40, F 5 hrs ago

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    If nothing else she is predictable.

    ... So I too the test for the 5 love languages no surprise I ranked as high as can be on physical with the runner up on affirmation. I knew that would be the case going in but it was nice to have it in black and white. So as I am taking this test I am thinking to myself...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 12 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Edited to add: Outsourcing I also met other

    perfectly nice people in a similar situation. It doesn't have to be people using each other, it can be people giving each other comfort. Any problems I had came from not enforcing my boundaries. But I didnt know I had those boundaries until I ran into them so it was kind of...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 556 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 80 Responses Feb 9

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    The cat is out of the bag.

    If you've been following my story, you know I recently told a close friend about my SM... And to my surprise she was in one also. We had a follow up conversation about the state of my marriage and separation.... Then she said "is he addicted to ****?" BOOM. There it was...
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 56-60, F 78 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I am almost 28, I have 2 children

    and a wonderful husband who doesn't want me, at least not in a sexual way. Sex used to be frequent and good and now it's probably about 6 times a year, has been like this for a couple of years now. I have never once rejected him, yet I feel as though I am too embarrassed to...
    limlam limlam 26-30, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Well, now that I have finally come to the

    realization of living in a Sexless Marriage, I have figured out what has replaced sex for me, it is food. Since the realization I have been eating, snacking as much as possible, and have gained 15 pounds, which has helped to take away my sex drive, if that makes any sense...
    Fotoman Fotoman 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Been married about 10 years

    and the sex just completely stopped almost right after I got married..and now it's just gotten to the point where I'm just not interested in having sex with my wife at all..I mean all desire is gone...every time I ask for sex ..she says that it has to be romantic or either she...
    marquisb marquisb 31-35, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 16 hrs ago

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    Recently while reflection on my life

    and how I ended if in a sexless marriage, I was recalling the situation that led to infertility issues with my wife. Her very purpose for getting married, as I learned years later, was to have a family. Just after graduating from college and accepting an Army commission I left...
    NWTruthSeeker NWTruthSeeker 56-60, M 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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