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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,278 People

    So last nite we went to bed at the same time

    (rare) and she said her back hurt a little bit so I walked over to her side of the bed and gave her a back rub. She asked me to use some Mineral Ice (similar to Icy Hot) this required her to pull up her flannel nightie (I know, romantic bed attire). I applied the Mineral Ice...
    MrRubberDuck MrRubberDuck 61-65, M 15 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    My husband is overweight,

    but is kind, considerate, even handsome. We have two kids together and have a wonderful family life. Since we've been married (4 years now), the sex keeps dwindling with each passing year. He has hypertension. Does not want to talk about it and takes sexual performance...
    mzansigirl mzansigirl 36-40, F 23 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I got the papers in the mail today.

    Lawyer says it'll be cheaper to serve them myself. I can just leave them under the door or something, I don't have to see him. So- here we are. I'm feeling a bit bitter and numb. It's easy for me to forget all the **** he did. Other people are now coming out in the "he's a jerk...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    HoO short ramble of the day: .

    . You should never have to chase, pursue, beg, plead or give ultimatums to the person who claims to love you. If the love and attention and sex is not given freely it probably is not worth having. . That is all, carry on and have a great day everyone.
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Minefield behind me, minefield in front of me,

    and I’m in a ? . My mom has borderline personality disorder (bpd). My two kids have forms of bpd. My wife is quite unlike my mom in interests and outlook, and that's one of the reasons I married her. . I see my therapist today and describe an epic meltdown my wife had this...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Staying Married for the Sake of the Kids -

    The following article published in Teen Vogue this month was written by someone who's parents divorced when she was a teenager - we could all learn something from this insightful young woman: Ten Reasons I’m a Better Person Because My Parents Divorced Whenever I hear the...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 10 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Update. I have been officially divorced

    since July 30th, 2014. We divorced amicably and are still friends. I moved out of state and currently live with my parents (during the separation/divorce process I was also fired from my job). I must say that as much as I love my now ex-husband I have made peace with divorce...
    frustratedndc frustratedndc 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My counselor said she noticed how much stronger

    I am this week compared to just a few weeks ago. I'm able to talk without being a blubbering mess.. We talked about a date to move out and reminded me to look a behaviors and not listen to words. Again I asked him last night to back off with the strong attempts to get...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    today is a tragic change!

    I am lost! Loss of words today. He ask me to go somewhere..... Ok! Why? He bring a girl home! :o I was modified. So left shortly! 'Cause I dont wanna know who! I finally look at apts. :) Well it is processing...... He doesn't know what I have done. Just update u all...
    girlyloveorange girlyloveorange 31-35, F 13 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Its a sad state of affairs

    when my mammogram appointment this morning was the first opportunity l had to have my breasts held and squeezed in over 2 years. Hmmm. I can think of better ways, but such is life.
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    WoW. Being very supportive,

    my wife is having and an op on her cervix thursday, anyway tonight she just said to me I can't have sex for 8 weeks after the op... Why why did she say we are having regular sex to the doctor
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    I woke up this morning to the visual of H's

    bare crotch in my face. Ummmm... No thank you. I think now he knows I will turn it down he thinks it's funny to shove it in my face. That was six am. He was just going to bed. I got a call at midnight from dad but I didn't hear the phone ring b/c I was asleep. I saw it on the...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Update from yesterday Got up on the morning,

    only task planned was getting our blood tests together. She fasted having been told she had to and I didn't for the same reason. Made breakfast for the kids and got them off to school. She mentions wanting to go out for lunch together so I jump on that (she hasnt wanted to get...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Who complains about an hour long back massage ?

    .... who complains about a dozen roses for no reason ? .... who complains about texts about how beautiful she is and how special she is ? ... if you guessed my wife then you are correct , sometimes i pull back from the situation and think about how crazy this is , i dont know...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 143 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    For those living or have been thru it This

    song is a beautiful song by 2 gorjus Aussie girls https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MRys7zIcqPY
    fivefoottall fivefoottall 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    There's a difference between being angry

    and bitter at your partner and merely being frustrated about the fact. Not that it makes it any easier.
    AsteroidBlues AsteroidBlues 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Where do those who got out,

    or moved on hang out? I really liked the advise from this group in particular. I am not in a sexless marriage anymore. I am in a very loving, sex-filled relationship, actually, and I don't want to sabotage it. Just wondering where everyone is............. dealing with exes...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I Love My Husband! I truly do love him,

    we have been married for 6 years. He's darn near perfect except in the bedroom, our sex life has been downhill for the last 3 years. The frequency that we have sex & the amount of times I enjoy it has left me unfulfilled. It's causing me to have thoughts, thoughts about other...
    Nia2u Nia2u 26-30, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Ok there UK people who have had counselling -

    who did you use? Relate? Someone else?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Today was my husbands b'day.

    After work I took him out to dinner. It was absolutely delicious. He had a nice time I think. Ran a couple of errands afterwards and came back for the grand kids to sing happy birthday and have cake. We talked but it was nonsense talk. No holding hands no kisses. Then people...
    Sweetpea379 Sweetpea379 46-50, F 8 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I am 37 years old and have been in a

    relationship with my current bf for 13 years. We aren't legally married, but we have lived together for 12 years and we have one child together I also have a child from a previous "***** donor". Splitting up is not an option, and I am not asking for any advice, I just wanted...
    lyssak lyssak 36-40, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Funny situation I'd like some input on.

    So anyway, Lucy has facebook, I've left her to her privacy and not snooped. It's often left open on our shared computer , for whatever reason today a comment caught my eye before I closed it down. So I snipped. The conversation goes back well over the last two years her admirer...
    1RedKing 1RedKing 41-45, M 9 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Cinderella's Step Sister.

    I've been in a relationship with a good, kind man for almost 14 years. I like him most of the time, I love him most of the time, and I hate him some of the time. We met when we were in our early 20s, and now, in our mid-30s, I'm not sure if there is a 'we' anymore. Of course...
    yrjkng yrjkng 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So rock me momma like a wagon wheel Rock me

    momma any way you feel Hey momma rock me Rock me momma like the wind and the rain Rock me momma like a south bound train Hey momma rock me ............ Today's earworm. Why I wake up with these songs playing in my head, I don't know. Then they play over and over again in my...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 9 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Had a thought...will probably come up in

    couples therapy next Wednesday, but wanted to do a little experiment in the meantime before then. In looking back to August, have things improved in the bedroom? Ostensibly yes. Except for a brief period after surgery we pretty much have done it at least once a week, one time...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 17 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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