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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,410 People

    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 16 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Why we obsess with the "WHY"s.

    .. Floatsam101 posted a recent story: EP Link#reply_8989242 in which I shared my thoughts on why we obsess with the "why's". Bazzar was kind enough to notice that there might be some value in it, and suggested that I post it as a separate story so that my ramblings would be...
    neeia neeia 41-45, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I know there are many of you

    who have been in the desert longer than I have, so I will ask, "How do you cope?" Bashing my head against the wall yields diminishing returns. I am so starved for the touch of a female who is not a family member I go crazy at times. I'm not talking sex here. Though that...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    3 years out of my sexless marriage.

    .. Every so often, I like to check in here and give an update. And here's the latest: 3 years and a month after ending my SM, I am still a billion times happier than I was before! No regrets, no shame, no anger. Opposite Land is another planet than SM-land, just as well all...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 10 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    When I first joined this group,

    it had been months since we had sex, and she flat out wanted a divorce, but I held on... We went a full year without even kissing, then one night when she was drunk she "jumped my bones". Then it was 6 months, again, drunk, now it's about every two months, but I don't really...
    2feetApart 2feetApart 36-40, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was watching Good Morning America this

    morning. They were talking about marriage. They interviewed a couple who were in their 70's or 80's. The married couple talked about their lives together. She women interviewed said "I like to hold his hand." I want someone in my life who would like to hold my hand once in...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Sex isn't everything.

    I never thought I'd say that, but paradoxically the better your sex life the more you see sex as just another thread in the intricate tapestry of life,albeit a very important one, one you can't live without, but woven into the broader fabric with all the other innumerable parts...
    PhinheasGage PhinheasGage 46-50, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 436 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Nothing really deep here,

    just something I was wondering. Someone I was corresponding with got me thinking about stereotypes and expectations. I know my ex doesn't represent all women any more than I represent all men. But when I read stories from women who are being refused, I often think, "why in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 48 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Currently at a club. Am disgusted.

    Will this be my life after divorce? God, I sincerely hope not. I think I have to puke now. Awe, skeet skeet mother ****** awe skeet skeet, GD. GD!!! Gross.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 296 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Wednesday he asked me what do I wanted to do on

    Friday... hmm didn't really know right off.. tells me he still wants to be with me tho.. Met for dinner.. then went to the neighborhood bar... BETTER music and we danced.. had a few beers.. then he said he wanted to get me home... and take care of me.... He did and blew my...
    caressablecat caressablecat 51-55, F 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 9

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    Warning: crude and involves older folks having

    sex I haven't posted here in a bunch of months but I'm back. I write to help sort out my feelings about my experiences. We are long-time married in our 50's, almost no sex together of any type. Last winter my wife got a physical and revealed to the female doctor that she hadn...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 14 Responses 6 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I really wish my husband would want me

    and pay attention to me like he does to his job and laptop. His inability to have intercourse with me was because of anxiety issues he says. That work wasn't going as it's supposed to be and that he's afraid they might go bankrupt. As a good wife, I stopped whining and...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    An example of why I think that

    even though the refused are justified in outsourcing, divorce is better than outsourcing. If you do outsource, it would be wise to consult with a lawyer in case your spouse finds out.... The Ashley Madison hack explained Hackers are already capitalizing on the massive data...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses 6 days ago

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    A simple question could it really just be about

    sex, sexual frustration. We stayed in our marriages for the positives. Someone I know left and quickly realize their life was shittier afterward (and yes there are the ones on here who's lives got better) Then there are the abused, manipulated and life is a torment but are they...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 51-55, M 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I hope this advice-seeker finds I Live in a

    Sexless Marriage.... "DEAR ABBY: The wedding night I had dreamed about forever was supposed to be the most romantic and amazing of my life with the one person I can't live without. Instead, it was the most humiliating experience I have ever had. I dressed in a beautiful...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 2 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Sex, Love and Emotional Connection I've been

    following the comments on a recent post 'So I'm heading for a sexless marriage' and an oft used and mostly acceptable sentiment captured my eye - essentially that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved. I personally don't believe there is a gender...
    LaoTzu LaoTzu 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 231 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    How often should we be having sex.

    I'd like it every 2-3 days. Is this to little or to much?
    camosmith camosmith 36-40, M 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    PART 6: So, just another 6 weeks to go in this

    sexless marriage. Because in 6 weeks, there wouldn't be a marriage anymore. I can gladly leave the group ILIASM. At least I kept my vows and was faithful in the 5 years together while putting up with SM. The Refuser became the Refused, then tried outsourcing but appeared to...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 10 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Follow up to Dempsey22's post yesterday.

    It was my birthday recently and I got a card from my wife which said on the front '4 out of 5 birthday cards contain money'. Then on the inside it said, 'Sorry, you got the fifth!' I don't think it was intended to be ironic.
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    Yesterday somebody thought I was a 20 year old

    making this stuff up. I wish, though if I was writing fiction I would try 50 Shades and make a few million. The present predicament does seem quite surreal. . Today I was showing my wife one of those new sites for searching the Adultery Mad stuff, and on our fairly small...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 9 Responses 5 days ago

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    Had a talk with wife other night

    and told her if she wants she can outside marriage and get it since when don't do anything. We haven't been close in 5 years, there has been times we have done few things but she never really there. The reason I said this is because I believe she has cheated on me but nothing in...
    Willf289 Willf289 31-35 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I was writing this as a response to Phinheas

    but it got too long (and over-dramatic, sorry about that...). Sex isn't everything. Just like sunshine isn't everything. I lived the first half of my life in England where the winters are very long and very grey. Daylight hours are about 8am to 4p