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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,324 People

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Sex and the City.... How.

    ..Quite old actually,checked it started in 1998... I watched some episodes a while ago, but now have the whole collection, so having my laugh with the girls every evening...For me (as a European) the characters look so quintessentially American - emancipated, sexually liberated...
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Itoo live in a sexless marriage ,

    I know he is not cheating but what is he doing? We have been married for26 years and it has dropped off in the last ten years , to almost, heck not almost nothing , I thought it would be a nice thing for me to be patient And not nag . Then I looked up and it was ten years later...
    she333 she333 46-50, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Into the AbyssSo, I arrive

    for the third counseling session.  The building is a bit run-down with a 70’s sort of vibe.  The parking situation is an odd combination of parking lot and garage with unnecessarily low clearance.  It really doesn’t improve the mood as dread has been...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I went to my first separated

    and divorced group support meeting this week. Is nice to be around others that are going through this, especially people that are in different stages of the process. Men and women so you get different perspectives. Different ages, though most people were around my age. Everyone...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    After a year of being on here,

    I just had to post about how beautiful all of the women are in the ILIASM group!  Every photo I've seen since I've been a part of this group shows beautiful women that are attractive in many ways!  I know (and everyone knows from my stories) that outer beauty is not...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    I've been with my husband

    for 28 years, we have 4 kids, built a business and a comfortable lifestyle. 10 years ago he cheated on me with one of my "friends". I stayed with him because our children were still young and I felt I committed a vow - for better or worse. Since the discovery of his affair we...
    firefly4718 firefly4718 51-55, F 8 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Planning a wonderful vacation to a beautiful

    place, and dreaming about going there with husband and spending some sexy times in a fancy bedroom, in a jacuzzi, or just walking hand in hand on the beach. Just dreaming. Too bad that I don't have a husband who loves to do that with me.
    sissysassy sissysassy 31-35, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    From h: sorry to bother you,

    just worried about your night. I know you will be drinking and flirting with guys. It bothers me with our current situation. I trust you but can't help but be concerned. Me: Flirting??I'm sorry your concerned but it's not an issue or something I'm even considering.I'm going...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Vacations...are frustrating.

    Going on vacations with a group of friends who constantly joke around about all the "vacation sex" they are having makes it even more frustrating.
    weather1 weather1 46-50 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I do not desire him anymore.

    I have been married for near 13 years now with 2 great kids. Problems in our marriage have eroded most of the love I have for him. I do not have any desire for him. Unlike most of the experiences I have read, I am not begging for sex. I am hurting because this is not what I want...
    mariefrancea mariefrancea 41-45, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Mine's not as bad as the title makes it sound,

    because life sometimes gets in the way. Okay, maybe that's a copout. Anyway, I used the search function under this title to find a friend I'd lost track of who used to post things on hers often. Narrowed it down to her age group, yet the results: More than 500 women in that...
    AsteroidBlues AsteroidBlues 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    First bickering in 4 days: We have this

    retarded habit and I still don't understand it. She will say something to me and like a good conversationalist I will repeat it back in my own words to verify I have heard her right. She will pick on a detail and state I've got it wrong. So for the next 10 minutes we hash out...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Wife had her physical today.

    Got a full thyroid panel, checking hormone levels too (although doc said not to be concerned about her still lactating until she is a year out from stopping breastfeeding). Biggest thing though was switching her from Lexapro to Wellbutrin - wife said that she explained to her...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    being in a sexless marriage is

    so frustrating. I shouldn't have to beg my husband for sex it's so sad
    sexyingrey sexyingrey 36-40, F 6 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    What a lot of you don't know about me is that,

    in addition to a degree in journalism, I also have a degree in counseling. (I haven't used it - although I was a probation officer for a while - since years ago I got sidetracked into technical writing and that pays better.) What does that have to do with sexless marriage...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 30 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 49 Responses Sep 28

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    We are in a lull between bouts of not speaking.

    Every move I make annoys her. She is on a hair trigger and ready to pounce on any error, any perceived slight. I find that in order to keep the peace I must check my self respect at the door. Endure the berating comments, the complaints, the constant pointing out of where I...
    CravingSomething CravingSomething 36-40, M 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I am trying to come to terms with everything.

    My husband wants a sexless marriage. Why? Because he feels sex interferes with his spiritual progress. I have tried talking to him about Taoism and Tantra, but in reality he doesn't have much of a sex drive either anyway and he is quite content with that. I believe that is due...
    mairia mairia 26-30, F 16 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    One of the things I find incredible

    mind-f$&@ing being in a sexless marriage is the fact that my spouse can walk into my bathroom while I'm having a bubble bath and nothing stimulates him! I could be wearing sexy sexy lingerie changing in front of him and he looks at me like I'm made of bricks. Before him I was...
    undecidedgal undecidedgal 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Hi good morning. I can sympathize with your

    feelings. In my own marriage after 25 years. There was no more sex. For two years. It began to build the wall in between us. My wife at the time. Was too busy with her career and work. And too tired. And then my youngest daughter was living with us at the time. Still lives with...
    sunney55 sunney55 46-50, M 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    I need a break. I am exhausted from consuming

    myself over the past ten months trying to fix my marriage while my wife has done nothing except pull further and further away. She is teaching me something I never thought I could learn - how to live without her. I tried a bunch of new things this week - all things for me...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 7 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    So the other day I told her about how I've felt

    for the last 8 years, constantly being rejected, and how that led to me having an affair for 3 years. I asked her how she thought I felt when every time I approached her, not even for sex, but holding hands, hugging, kissing, and got rejected every time with her saying she's...
    griker42 griker42 31-35, M 1 Response 49 mins ago

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    Want to hear something ironic the "sexless"

    couple is going to watch the movie "sex tape" how much do you want to bet that's like throwing salt in my wounds? I wish I could just jump him sometimes. I know the outcome if I do. Better to just let sleeping dogs lie. I wonder if he knows how much I truly desire and want him...
    undecidedgal undecidedgal 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    robertmstein robertmstein 46-50, M 1 hr ago

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    Good-bye EP Friends! Hello to all members of

    this forum, but especially those whom I have come to know over the past two years. I am here to say goodbye. I am very grateful to this forum for the validation, kindness, advice, and even the love sometimes that I received while going through the most challenging event of...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Today has been exceptionally hard on me.

    I woke up angry and miserable to be in his presence. I'm finding having even a conversation with him a bitter pill to swallow these days. I guess there's been too many shows on tv reminding me what a normal healthy relationship should be like. This is not normal, this is not...
    undecidedgal undecidedgal 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    So, after my last post about my crappy week

    last week, I read and re-read HusbandOfOne's comment, the one about spending the next 20 years feeling the way I do in my marriage. First off, thank you HOO, whatever it was in that question sparked something in me. I owe you. I went in to this contemplative state, picturing my...
    driftingtiger driftingtiger 51-55, F 23 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just an Update As my husband deleted my prior

    account, EinEngel, thinking Experience Project was an affair website (laughable but sad), I will summarize my past for the newbies: 1. Married at age 37 to a German 13 years my senior. 2. Two years into the marriage, the sex dissipated and his drinking problem ensued. This bad...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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