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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,583 People

    Wow, can't believe it's actually happened- STBX

    finally moved out today. It's been a journey I lost half my furniture, lots of money, wasted my 20's and early 30's on a marriage that never took... but all that said it's still a small price to pay for my sanity!!! Now the new journey begins... I feel excited, scared, relieved...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    I thought I had posted this a few days ago

    but apparently it didn't go through. I'll predicate the narrative by saying I know where this is headed. I just need to get my thoughts down: It had been 10 days since The Talk and a week since reset sex (nothing since). There's been no additional affection, no reaching out...
    SkepticalGorilla SkepticalGorilla 41-45, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Well- I get the promise often of "maybe later".

    ....and then I may get a quick rub and tug for about 5 strikes when she says " my arm fell asleep" or " I'm tired... At the point of signing up for Ashley Madison....
    bghosefan bghosefan 46-50, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am a 53, hard working,

    successful business owner and family man. I have been living in a sexless marriage for 15 years. I would say that we might have sex once a year. I annoy her. I have talked with her for years about it, and she says it's not me, she simply has no libido. She also won't make any...
    ZCampbell ZCampbell 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Will be in said marriage

    for 21 years this March. I keep a journal and reread my thoughts during the early years, and our sex life after our daughter was born has always been sparse. That I've been in a sexless marriage throughout the majority of my marriage life. I just realize that now since doing...
    mintjade mintjade 41-45, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    So nothing has improved.

    It totally sucks at home. On a brighter note, a friend of mine from college has said she wants an affair with me. I always wanted to hook up with her in college and now I can. We have been talking a lot and from the sound of it she will be a ton of fun! I can't wait!
    krob8807 krob8807 26-30, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So how do you cope with this

    and find companionship and love but still stay in the marriage for all the wrong reasons
    dmyers8331 dmyers8331 66-70, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    About an hour ago I told my wife I was going to

    bed. Kissed her and left her with her stupid mtv show. Texted her from bed to tell her I'm naked and waiting to talk about our setting texts from this morning. No reply. I think I'm going to run away to Niagara this weekend, to find my soul and freeze my arse off if this...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    To those trying to fix their SM with a refuser

    making some effort. Would you expect the refuser to make more of an effort to start intimacy? Even if the refuser didn't always do that before? How did it feel trying to rekindle intimacy after the pain of being refused? Had your refuser acknowledged the hurt they had...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    We just returned from seeing the attorney

    who drew up our Separation Agreement and a Free Trader Agreement. A FTA is a document stating that from the date of our separation neither of us will have any claim on assets acquired by the other spouse. The lending entity she is using to finance her mortgage required this. We...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 66-70, M 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The divorce process is going better then I

    expected. However, I have noticed his abusive and manipulative behaviors have increased yet remain covert. Most people are oblivious to the insidious emotional manipulation that goes on behind closed doors. Even the recipient of the abuse is oblivious to it. I was. As I sit here...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

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    Where did the 1% statistic come from?

    I've been reading this in posts- but don't see any evidence to back up the number. Thank you!
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cathartic. Last night I had a fantastic

    conversation with a new EP'r. I talked about (vented) my marriage and the struggles I've gone thru. Later in the conversation he parroted back what he heard. OMG. It was flat out cathartic. Like he was holding the mirror to my fav and the mirror was speaking back to me. All...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Marriage counseling - Day 1: Introductions Oh

    boy! My wife finally agreed to go to counseling. On the drive to the therapist office, she was apprehensive about going. I could feel she was tense and irritated. When we got to the office, it was after hours and the door was locked. There was a phone number to call for...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Theory of Nothing Steven Hawking seems to

    have gotten laid frequently throughout his illness. Hmm...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 44 mins ago

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    I met my now husband 9yrs ago

    when i was 17 and he was 19. We hit it off well, he is a great guy, a perfect gentleman with chivalry and one who pampers me. Someone really rare to be found in India where i grew up. So i took the chance and date him. A few days goes by but he never made any move on me. I...
    ithinkithink ithinkithink 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have celebrated 16 years of marriage to my

    wife a few months back. I love her and all aspects of the marriage have always felt normal...except the sex. We do not fight over any real issues and communicate in a way I would consider to be fairly well. I do plenty or work around the house and for a large amount of our...
    ReconMan ReconMan 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    More thoughts from the other side.

    .. when the infatuation wears off.... I will start by saying I really wish I hadn't deleted my past username and all the stories attached to it. Everyone warned me, but stubborn me didn't listen. It would have been nice to reflect occasionally and to let others see the...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 41-45, F 11 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    My anniversary came around this weekend,

    it was beautiful, like I said, he was excited about it , so he planned everything. And surprisingly I enjoyed every moment of it Fast forward to bed time, here's me who hasn't had some in a while and my hubby making me feel good all day raised my sexual urges from like 1 to 1...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 14 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    For those of you who know me

    and those of you who have read my stories going way back to the beginning, you know that when I first came to EP I was hurting and miserable thanks to my STBX and the constant rejection of being in a sexless marriage for 15 years. I was in pain. I was vulnerable. I was...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    So we started a talk.

    I told her I need her. And I want her. I tod her I am scared to go on this upcoming business trip with a colleague I had a one night stand with 20 years ago before we dated. I told her when we got to this point in our married life I expected to not be sharing it with a...
    Alohaguy Alohaguy 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I dont know what 2 do?

    Should i wait 2 rent to after i have the money from my house, we have the closing on March 13. Should i wait or not. I think i just keep looking 4 excuses, but i am scare cause whst about if there a delay or something happens & we dont close ? What do u guys think ?
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I did it. It's been a long journey,

    but we're about to start our divorce proceedings. He's now out screwing someone new. I'm free.
    StaceyJane StaceyJane 31-35, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    I just don't understand all this non-sex,

    non-intimacy, craziness. I've become very good friends with a few people on here, and if even half of the things they say are true.... I just don't understand spouses. (Of course I don't understand mine either!) How can a woman or a man have a loving, caring, spouse/mate...
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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