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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,277 People

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 165 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    My wife had breast cancer several years ago.

    Since that time, she has been on anti-hormone therapy, which put her into menopause. Because, she can't have hormones, she has no sex drive. We live together, we're good friends, and companions. Lately, even that is fading. We talk less and less. See each other less and...
    greggo2 greggo2 46-50 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Interesting advice column letter from a woman

    who could have chosen to be a refuser. While I think she could have looked for ways (lubricants, HRT, enjoying giving pleasure to her husband) to make having sex not a chore, at least she cared enough about her husband to have weekly sex with him. "Dear Annie: I read the...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    I love him with every fiber of my being.

    We are getting married in April of 2016. We actively practice the 5 languages of love. We hold hands, we communicate, we laugh... He's my best friend. Sadly.. For almost two years now, he's only my best friend. We very seldom have sex, and I'm physically starved... down right...
    XglittergoddessX XglittergoddessX 26-30, F 20 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    The Restaurant (inspired by a mettamomma

    comment on a story) It's a great restaurant, in the ***** where fine dining is legendary. The building is art deco, a fantastic example of 1920's architecture. There is ample car parking, and the street is well lit. On entering the establishment, one is overwhelmed by the...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 16 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Does this group ever see any posts from

    refusers - at any point in their relationship? I'm not getting any rational discussion from my wife on the topic and truly want perspective.
    jgpindy jgpindy 36-40, M 11 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    So Dan Savage's blog

    for today had a fascinating letter (from a wife living in a sexless marriage who was sick of it, except she is the refuser. Interesting to read what lead her to begin refusing.) And his response to it was awesome also. Of course he suggested leaving as the first choice, to do...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Anyone heard of The Forum?

    I mentioned "the forum" (EP) in the Ray tonight and the therapist asked "are you in the Forum?" Anyone know what she is talking about? (I don't like to name EP as I don't want to be followed here)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Back on August 8th 2014,

    the following 30 members contributed stories between the end of July 2014, and August 8th. (the original story is on 8th August 2014 if you want to have a look) mrinvader, coffeeflavouredkisses, SarahAnn46, CandyMaker, braverthanIthink, katslaw, lycheechan, enlightenyoursoul...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 12 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Things have gotten better

    but it doesn't matter. I have come to the realization that this marriage will be a life long game of "tug of war". I had to pull pretty damn hard to get her to budge. She's good at this game and I'm already tired of playing. I can't imagine pulling like this my whole life...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 17 Responses 4 days ago

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    well its been a while

    since ive been on here. i have some good news. ive grown since my last post was finaly able to get a job. still in the same sexless marriage though. but i have someone looking into his sketchy behaviors. ive started drift from him myself. i no longer even try to touch him, i...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 26-30, F 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 10 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Looking on the bright side.

    .. When leaving a sexless marriage, at least you don't have to worry about being drawn back in by break-up sex.
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Hey SM buddies Have you ever wondered

    whether any ILIASMers are in your daily life without you knowing?!
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Life after ending a sexless marriage is

    wonderful. I feel better than I should. My whole life improved. Financially, emotionally, sexually. I am less stressed and have more patience with my kids. I am becoming a better mother, a better lover and a better person. After writing 63 stories, endless fights, years of a...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Huh. . This weekend,

    I had some anxiety about STBX's return from his week at work. . What ever was I worried about????? . We had a calm, rational, albeit sad convo. . The most reaffirming part? It started with me asking if he wanted to talk. And the first thing out if his mouth? Not, "I will fight...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    chavacc11 chavacc11 26-30, F 19 hrs ago

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    Today my wife was told she needs a knee

    replacement. So they gave her a stack of literature to read about the operation and the recovery / rehab. In the stack was this pamphlet.Wow, who knew there was a cure for an SM?Inside there are illustrations of positions to use. Also, instructions on how to talk about the lack...
    Jim44444 Jim44444 61-65, M 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I'm 23 live my boyfriend,

    but we haven't had sex for a year. We've been together since high school so I can't remember a life without him. I don't know what to do...
    jkp661 jkp661 22-25, F 18 Responses 4 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Thinking today. Was there a single,

    shining moment of clarity for you in the days of "bacon scented candles" when you suddenly realized that it wasn't just a ebb, a low point, a speed bump... But something much more terrible? I remember a time after the birth of our daughter. I had orchestrated her baby sleep...
    BeguiledCinderella BeguiledCinderella 41-45, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    My wife and I are celebrating our 30th

    anniversary next week. We haven't had sex at all in ten years, and maybe a handful of times in 20. Basically it stopped at the conception of our last of two boys. She was fondled by a family friend when she was young. That messed her up. I understand. But I can't go on like...
    vintageport1963 vintageport1963 51-55, M 10 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    “But I Can Do Better” (the

    refuser’s plea)The STBX had been very accepting the first week (maybe even two) after The Talk. Pledging aloud “I want you to be happy” and ruing that happiness means without him rather than with him. Then it happened last week and he came out with his: What if...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 47 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 297 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I came to this group irrationally full of hope.

    The more I read though the more I give up and feel like why even bother. How can you ever really know someone, trust someone. Maybe this is just a bad day for me, but it truly seems pointless.
    sinnaminvixen sinnaminvixen 36-40, F 16 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    My big fat stupid wedding.

    We actually didn't have a wedding but I just couldn't resist the wordplay. Ours was an impecunious civil marriage ceremony, 1st because I was pregnant and couldn't fit nicely in a wedding gown anymore and 2nd we couldn't afford the big party. As someone who took pride in being...
    neeia neeia 36-40, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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