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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,394 People

    Here I am again. We haven't had sex in months.

    We actually aren't married, but engaged, and I post on here because the feedback is better than the other groups. He never wants me. He gives kisses hello and goodbye and that's about it. We got into a fight because I got mad about the way he talks to me. He doesn't ever...
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 8 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Okay, I have responded

    but never posted. I have been married for 18 years and it was good. The last six years have been rough. He was diagnosed with brain cancer 6 years ago. At the time we had a 5 year old and 8 week old. Prognosis was bleak. 6 years later he is beating the odds. I am so happy he is...
    mws70 mws70 41-45, F 13 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    This is the first thing I'm posting here

    but it's very important to me. I can't tell people. Me & my partner haven't had sex in over 3 years.
    carrieAberdeen carrieAberdeen 31-35, F 24 Responses 2 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    My wife once called me a bully I think

    because I kept making suggestions about how we might improve our sex life and make things fun rather than functional. It dawned on me that it isn't my being a bully that's the issue but that she in reality has full control. If she doesn't want to make the effort then nothing...
    therapyguy therapyguy 56-60, M 11 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Hb says I dont need to move out to work on our

    problems... We could solve them "in house".:). Fact is we have not had sex in the past year. He says he is trying really hard... I know he loves me but I feel this is not right. I have found an apartment. I have to decide by Thursday morning if take it. Was anyone separated and...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 26-30, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I am sadly coming to the realization

    that my spouse and I never really had a marriage. We weren't even good at dating. The first Valentine's day we had an argument...I don't even remember what it was about now, but I do remember feeling rejected by her. We were living on different coasts at the time and another...
    AshInOakland AshInOakland 41-45, M 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    I've been married for 14 years.

    I've left twice and come back. The most recent time, I was hoping it would bring some sense to my husband to wake up, and make some changes. When I moved back in, I found out he was sleeping around with several women while I was gone- and I required him to get tested if he ever...
    S36curious S36curious 36-40, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 29 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 133 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 298 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    My last post was deleted by EP.

    That was the first time I've ever been censored here. Let's give this another try. I found Adina River's "mytinysecrets" blog to be very interesting. She is extremely explicit, however her advice is geared toward building closeness and long-lasting intimacy. Her ideas are...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Well...I have totally cut my husband off

    and what I mean by that is he likes to kiss me before he goes to work and I turn my head..I feel if he can't pay attention to me AT ALL and have a SM well then I don't want anything from him...
    kimmmmmy kimmmmmy 41-45, F 61 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 54 Responses May 14, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    .Do any of you in ILIASM think

    that your partner's don't engage because they are so afraid of getting hurt?  That they are unable to take down all the emotional barriers they have put up over many years, and just take a chance of love, and enjoy whatever happens?.My partner has had a number of very...
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Short comings, short sex drive,

    short of expressing love are all part of Sexless Marriage. Denial and refusal are very familiar. Pay attention to your spouse's messages. My s/m started a long time ago after having my son, our sex life became less interesting and more rushed. Finally it fizzled out to none...
    musicinme musicinme 56-60, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    So after my wife's MRI yesterday,

    she was feeling a whole lot better as they injected her both with anesthetic and cortisone to help the inflammation. We chatted a little before she had to go off and get our boys from daycare, it was good to do that during the day. After we put our boys down for the night, we...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    For the first time in my life I finally

    accepted I'm going bald and confronted my fear by shaving my head this weekend. Oddly enough, yesterday, two beautiful women started talking and flirting with me. It felt awesome! I felt sexy for the first time in 17 years of marriage. Do women think the bald look is sexy...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    I believe some people marry to stop from being

    alone not caring if the make another person lonely. I have been married going on 12 years and my wife slowly started losing all sexual appetite in the first year. She lacks the same desire level. This woman can go weeks and not bat an eye but when she gets the urgend to get the...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I just don't understand why

    so many women don't like sex. It's a naturally awesome thing. That moment when your body goes insane with pleasure is a blessing fro heaven. I think if more woman explored their bodies themselves through playing, teasing, and ************ they would like sex more. The only thing...
    cagedlady cagedlady 31-35, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    At risk of being hated,

    I admit I know the refuser's side. I was a virgin when I married the first time, ignorant of what the marriage bed entailed. I was young and scared and dumb. All I knew was the general impression I got from my mom and my sisters, that something bad and painful was about to...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I have been a member here,

    off and on since 09, and I would like to say things are better at home now than they were then, but I would be lying. Some of you are in worse situations, and for that I am sorry. I have spent almost 22 years thinking sex will get better if I "only do this or do that" Its not b...
    xr4rider xr4rider 36-40 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    It's been quite a while

    since I've posted here. I check in every now and then, and quite often see stories from people with a case of the what ifs, the ones we all experience when considering leaving our SM, and I'd like to weigh in on that if I may. I've been out of my SM for 4 years now, and I'm not...
    Iamhere4me Iamhere4me 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I got an email from him today.

    It first asked about the truck, then asked what are we to do? Says that i'm stringing him along, that he still loves me and believes in us, etc. That he's hurting. He's asked me to come to therapy. I don't want to. I want out of all of it. He turned my family and I can't forgive...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 9 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Bear with me because this may seem off topic,

    but it isn't. I've been recently thinking about death. Yesterday, my post sexless marriage lover had to put his beloved dog of 14 years to sleep. The dog had been obviously declining for months, resting more, moving slower, and requiring more visits to the vet. My lover had...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    New found confidence

    and the his new libido - supermoon? Supermoon. It happened. He got a compliment from his "work" husband the same night. He said something to the effect - "what are you even doing in this job? You have so much going for you - why would you settle for this job?" Got H...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    It has been one year tonight

    since I posted my first story on EP and it was in this forum. I thought I had married my best friend, and as such, I could save my marriage. I didn't want to post, I was scared to do it, I had been lurking for a week on the site. But an EP friend I had made the first day I...
    katzlaw katzlaw 36-40, F 14 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Ok friends, I took Meta's advise

    and put up a match.com profile. I am not having sex with anyone but my MM and this is not healthy for me (thank you Meta for getting me to think about this!) I also put in the profile that I do not want any jokers who are refusers (I put it a little bit different than that so...
    HAR1978 HAR1978 46-50, F 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    When my wife and I first met almost 8 years ago

    our sex life was amazing! As time went on and over the last 2 years sex has gone bye bye! We both battle depression which is a factor. She mentioned low testosterone will also effect everything. I agreed to have my levels checked and it was determined I was at the low end of...
    BigE47 BigE47 46-50, M 8 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Well I'm currently on vacation someplace very

    tropical with my kids and extended family…awaiting the arrival of my hubby who always works who will be joining us for a few days… I'm surrounded by other families vacationing and I find myself constantly wondering and fantasizing about all the other couples I see with kids...
    Jane1024 Jane1024 36-40, F 14 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    It's been sliding for years.

    It started out great, we had good sex often. Then as the years slid by the pace dropped. Not much, and it didn't bother either of us. Then my wife got sick, had a complete hysterectomy, and lost her sex drive. She still tried, for my sake, but her heart wasn't in it. For the...
    Leathlobhair Leathlobhair 36-40, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    I made a comment in another site,

    that I would like to get some replies to it here, as this site is more marriage focused. Here it is (small changes to reflect site lingo): . There's a current theme (or meme) that when stated in gender free terms is "nobody owes anybody anything". . It can be stated various...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    This morning I had stumbled into a bunch of

    those catch-22s that make this experience so crazy-making. This morning, she brought up sex and emotional intimacy, independently without being asked!... she started the conversation. Woh. Being willing to accept this as a shared challenge, to think about it on her own time...
    Homewaters Homewaters 36-40 8 Responses 2 hrs ago

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