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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,105 People

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    My wife and I sat with our two sons,

    both in college, and explained that we were separating. We call it a controlled separation. By that we explained we were not getting a divorce but were not separating as a trial and that we would both date. Months in the planning it went very well. We asked for them to dig deep...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I had very cold wife

    and I hated to feel turn on as she makes me feel frustrated in my young days .. And I started lusting for everything on that .. And have wildest fantasies on that ... And I started feeling that I have to get away from marriage so that I can live with what I desire ...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    I wonder if dealing with lice is a metaphor

    for my marriage. . Yes. I'm admitting it in the "public" sphere of EP. My kids have lice. It's been rampant at our school this year; numerous notices have been sent home. The pharmacy agreed that they can't keep the delousing shampoo stocked on shelves. Sigh. . I discovered it 3...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Now that same-sex marriage has been effectively

    legalized across the U.S., I propose we outlaw no-sex marriage!
    scrimshaw scrimshaw 46-50, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Long time since I've posted I'm going to keep

    it simple point form - still having frequent (not as much as id like but can't claim sexless) - the quality is there (she is with me at those moments - it isn't just me initiating - the relationship isn't perfect -she still has depression/anxiety - she still rewrites history...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I haven't worn my wedding ring all week.

    Sadly, my husband has not even noticed. Or maybe he has and is just still happily living in denial. Ha asked me what's wrong today. I said, "it's one of those days. I'm depressed...our situation hurts." He just says, "I'm sorry babe. I love you." It's like he knows he can't...
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I found this article interesting.

    You have to hang with it for a bit, but it makes a lot of good points. It is not inherently about sexless marriage, but touches on advice given here in a different way. Happy Tuesday, ya'll. http://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    After 10 years of marriage

    and 2 kids I am lucky to have sex once a month. He blames working too much, being tired etc. I used to go after sex a lot, but after numerous rejections I have stopped. I did however start writing down the number of times he watches ****. So far this month he has watched **** 8...
    laiken20 laiken20 36-40, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    This week was interesting.

    My H came to me and said he thought we were close to having s.e.x. again. Turns out he had a dream in which he had a hard on and was making love to me on a cliff. He said he could try taking the magic blue pill again. Now, I know the blue pills he has are ten years past expired...
    Harley53 Harley53 61-65, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I haven't posted on quite some time

    but I this may help someone, somehow, so.... It's been nearly 8 months since I left my marital home, and it will likely be several more months until my divorce is final. Like many of you, I spent many years chasing the why. At 5'10 and 145lbs, I wondered if I wasn't *thin...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I read this article and I thought it might be

    helpful for some. It focuses on dealing with regret. http://positivemed.com/2014/11/04/10-choices-will-regret-10-years/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I want to thank EP again.

    I joined a few days before Halloween 2014. I spoke to a few GREAT people on here. Writing my stories and recalling each event in my failed marriage helped me realize how unhappy I truly was. Journal entries on here were the same story month after month. Reading your input of...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    we have had sex 3 times this year,

    I have initiated all 3 occasions with dates and a massage, she got off on all occasions, and yet she still makes me feel like I have to beg, she constantly rejects me. I need to be touched, caressed, kissed. Men need these things just as women do, and when I try to talk to her...
    ForTheLoveofMusic ForTheLoveofMusic 31-35, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Anyone else tried psycho sexual therapy?

    How many months did it take?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    It is so difficult to find anything in older

    posts on EP. I know I have read several posts with links to interesting articles on sexless marriages. I can't find them anymore. My husband claims that according to psychologists it is quite common to not have sex anymore at our age. (Such a bullsh!t, and sex disappeared from...
    Tamara68 Tamara68 46-50, F 19 Responses 3 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Today is my 18 year anniversary.

    No gifts, no cards, nothing special... And sex is the furthest thing from her mind. Spent the morning at the gym. Going to head to Toledo and go to the surplus store and buy a new wilderness pack. No longer care about sex in this relationship. Found things to keep me busy...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    I m always thinking that I shouldn't blame her

    for not being that interested in sex as probably she never had an ****** b4 ; even she never *********** and got one ..never tried to do that....may be I m the one to blame although I would do anything she will ask for to satisfy her but she never talks.
    Kingnothing280 Kingnothing280 31-35, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    All of you should get some strange

    or have some casual sex. The sexless will go away, so many people get married and decide they aren't attractive anymore. That is so incorrect.
    Trickster3272 Trickster3272 41-45 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I actually don't get enough.

    .. Have mentioned it but don't wanna keep sounding like a broken record.... This is bad, never thought it would get here... Maybe this marriage was a mistake... 5years in... Sex maybe twice a month... Strong maybe...
    Meohmyy Meohmyy 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    For the first time in many years,

    my husband attempted to initiate a sexual encounter. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't get turned on. I don't know if it was what he was doing or simply because it was him. Perhaps we are at a "too little too late" place in our marriage. Has anyone else had this...
    KandyFoxx KandyFoxx 31-35, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Are any of you in your situations

    because the refuser converted to a particular religion? Any religious reasons at all for your marriages being sexless?
    beneboo beneboo 26-30, F 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Marriage without touch Broken souls wander in

    pain The years march onward **** Edit: I am not currently sad. In fact, I'm quite flirty. I'm also creative, thus the haiku.
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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