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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,379 People

    Question: have any of you in an ILIASM

    situation been able to reach a satisfactory turn around in your relationship other than living celibate, cheating, or divorcing?
    findamuse findamuse 41-45, M 19 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    One week ago my W came home from her annual

    physical, I could tell something was bothering her. Her new obgyn had convinced her to see a sex therapist as the previous year my W had explained our sex life to her and how she has no interest in sex,. They had a light discussion about my W sexual assault at a public swimming...
    oscarwiskers oscarwiskers 56-60, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    ROWELLLISA421 ROWELLLISA421 22-25, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 146 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I spoke to a friend tonight re: getting a POA

    for H. I haven't seen her in over a month bc she was getting ready for a trial that finally happened this week. She's going to help me get the POA done ASAP & possibly the wills. I'm so relieved and grateful! With the attorney I'm hoping to see RE: the prospect of divorce, it...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 5 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    The reality of my situation is finally sinking

    in. As long as I am with my wife I will never find the physical love I am searching for. I have been trying for three years to convey to her how I feel and to try and find some middle ground where we will both be happy. She has no interest in working on this with me and...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Well, after a four year hiatus,

    I'm back in this group. I was on EP years ago when I was at the 3 year mark of no intimacy in my marriage. After about two years of trying to make the marriage work I decided to separate and divorce. I saw on EP that re-conciliation was very very rare for sexless marriages. I...
    caminova caminova 36-40 9 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I was wondering about love

    and trust. I had a date the other night with a girlfriend of mine (friends). And we discussed how love is the easy part. Falling in love I can do on a dime but trust. Wow, trust is so elusive and so hard to come by. Most people here on ILIASM forum are cool as can be and...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I Escaped nearly two years ago.

    During this time i went through a range of emotions and ups and downs. I met a new girlfriend, who adores me and i am still with. It is bliss being in a normal loving relationship, where we have each others back. Sex is good. We dont do it every night but it does occur...
    punchbag2012 punchbag2012 41-45, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Rollar coaster weekend.

    Wife is giving me the silent treatment again and I feel like the kids are being put in the middle. She refuses to share basic info about logistics and accuses me of checking up and getting in the way of "her job". I see no change in her interest levels towards me - she can...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    I talked with my attorney yesterday.

    He's sending me all of the financial forms I have to start filling out. Now the time consuming part begins. I've been packing things up for storage, to get rid of, or sell. I'm amazed at the amount of books and things I've found that I bought, or tried, in an effort to fix our...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    OMG.. I still feel for my H.

    .. Winter is coming, the temperature is started going down. Last night before sleep, H hugged me from behind at the bed, H brushed my knee slowly, it is nice sensation but I pushed him off as I don't want to go any further to get any rejection.
    Missberry73 Missberry73 41-45, F 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I think I just had another realization.

    . A friend of mine gave me a compliment.. Nothing crazy but said something really kind and genuine. I smiled so big and instantly grateful. I said thank you and I not used to such kind words.. Why am I so insecure.. I hate it. I somehow even apologized for them complimenting...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Can someone really change?

    Change inside, not just change behavior? That is the nagging question I have. We have a morning talks at 5 a.m. every day, to improve our communications. He wants to have sex several times a week (although frankly I do not want to be bothered any more). He goes with me to...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am new to the group,

    and live in what I consider to be a sexless marriage. But how much (or not) is a "sexless marriage"? We have sex maybe once a month, sometimes every two, but I get the sense from her that it's just sympathy sex. She seems to enjoy herself once she decides to come to the party...
    leftbehind1980 leftbehind1980 31-35, M 8 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Exactly two weeks from today,

    I have the first obligatory court hearing. Last week, I was away and in the meantime he had been talking to my sisters, my brother in law, and my son as well, desperately trying to coerce them to talk me out of this. Last night my son wanted to talk to me. His father had...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 12 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Anybody here feel like their refuser just likes

    the chase? You get close...they pull away. You pull away in return to their withdraw and all of a sudden they are interested again? Playing hard to get does not make me interested. It makes me not interested. Just sayn...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 17 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Amazing day today. Our first couples therapy

    session was very productive...gist of it is that we are still unsure of each other and need to rebuild trust. Therapist gave us homework to reassure each other when we sense the other is uncertain, and to ask and answer with honesty whenever we see the other is upset and to...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 16 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Not much of an update here.

    It's been 3 months since the last time anything happened between us. His excuse at the moment is depression and stress from trying to work on his addiction issues. He stopped taking Wellbutrin after 2 weeks as I suspected he would. He's still seeing his counselor but has only...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 4 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 49 Responses Sep 28

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    I am so relieved to see

    that I am not alone. ot does feel like it though. I have read through some of the posts and some are you are at least still having some sex even of its once a year. I have been married for 5 years and only had sex twice. the first time we had some half *** attempt at it was a...
    31andbored 31andbored 26-30, F 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    ... and I think he is trying.

    H is making sure to spend more "quality time" together, besides work - concerning work we spend a lot of time together, maybe too much. The quality time is nice, cooking together, going for a walk. And recently, he asked to come with me on a birthday of a friend of mine. He did...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    I am a bastard! I did something last night

    that I have never done before and it was kind of a test. I went solo in bed next to my wife. Pleasures myself until she woke, angered and left the bed. When she returned she was angry. I was finished and released and happy. She wanted to talk about the progress we had made...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    So after laying in the bathtub

    for about 30 minutes it finally dawned on me and I must question myself and many of you here as well.... Yes, I live in a sexless marriage...years and years of neglect and refusing to have sex with me....my H has slowly killed all happiness in my heart.... I am currently with...
    excessbaggage excessbaggage 41-45, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    Beauty isn't everything.

    Find your strength and own it. "Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier." -- Amy Pohler
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A marriage without sex

    and intimacy is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. It's like torture. Sleeping alone night after night... Sometimes I think marriage is a waste of life
    Truelove4me Truelove4me 36-40, M 9 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Update: In an effort to make things better I

    have implemented a no tv at bedtime (in the bedroom) 3/4 weeks per month excluding the one week of well strictly cuddling (lol if that even happened on a nightly basis) anyway yesterday was the end of the "girling" period (yes, I'm funny and that pun fit in nicely) so I got home...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 19 hrs ago