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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,937 People

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Too Much Trouble When most people first get

    married they are excited about the prospect and they have energy to put into the marriage and they have a vested interest in pleasing each other. Since the marriage is new there is still a bit of uncertainty so both people are putting on their best face and putting some effort...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    I read a sign. "Sex is like air,

    it's no big deal until you're not getting any". So very true. I'm struggling to breath. I have a sense of aloneness. I want so much to connect with someone.
    SalomeIris SalomeIris 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    So after choosing to outsource with Corky in

    America,, it was really all about talking reality and if change in our everyday life was warranted .. If we felt the same together in real time as online. Hard one I know ,, and have tried to separate the two situations just for a while ,,, Since I have been home which has been...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 34 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Today I exercised my right to refuse sex.

    Its probably the third time I have every done this in our 12 year marriage. It all started with abuse... and more abuse... with my wife going overboard abusing my education, my general perception of life, my business sense, my concept of responsibility, etc. We have had our...
    niceind niceind 41-45, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    I am feeling so angry.

    First of all , before ya'all jump on my case and tell me to get out of my marriage, stop. I can't get out, not right now. My set of circumstances is different, and i can not explain here why I can't get out. I am basically stuck. For another few years likely. But i am still...
    cleobassi cleobassi 31-35, F 9 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 233 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    sexaddict28 sexaddict28 26-30, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    I've been with my love

    for 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I love him more than anything but he's never here longer than our child's bed time. I am left to myself all evening, every evening while he continues on with the social life we used to share before we were parents. We haven't had sex since...
    Cricket6290 Cricket6290 22-25, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Offered Magic Everything is possible

    if you close your eyes and let your mind create it The thoughts we have are the only reality we will ever know in this world Limited ability to communicate can be overcome by a physical connection Skin to skin and heart to heart we speak a universal language of pleasure The...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    When I first joined EP,

    I was a person that said 'everything is great except for the sex'. I haven't had sex with hubs in 15 years. That's a long time. Celibate for 9 years..now on my 3rd affair. My plan was to wait until my youngest went to college...1 1/2 years from now...that's been my plan for...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    A big week for me. My daughter graduates High

    school got accepted to university and into a prestigious program (yes I brag when it comes to my kids) and she is my last one, I am empty nester. Then someone innocently asked me today "Did you get what you wanted in life" Obviously in this forum my immediate answer was...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 51-55, M 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    .One for the guys ...

    I hope that it at least makes you smile..I'm definitely not making light of your situation guys, but some days if you don't smile or laugh, you ARE gonna cry..Take care peeps!
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 51-55, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    It occurred to me this morning

    as I was texting my wife because she was complaining how single mom life sucks since I'm out of town, that she rarely experiences horniness. I asked her if she missed me or just my help. She said a little of both. But before she replied, I asked "or, are you just horny"? Her...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Quick update. Things haven't quite gone to plan

    the last month or two. My wife had a positive PAP smear which is scary but not dreadful (she has a lesion but it is not actually cancerous). But she has dived into complete depression - hating her self, disgusted with her body, terrified it will come back over and over again and...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 161 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Sitting in my hotel room in Indianapolis

    preparing for my business day tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm now reflecting the last few weeks and feeling better about life in general. Since the last marriage counseling session that did not go well, I have not bothered to press my wife on another session, I have also not...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 274 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    It is a moment of accidental alchemy skin,

    so often contained, open to the air open to the friction of a caress, the warmth of a willing lover pressed close. The sliding of legs together a dynamo generating a current that courses to the heart outward to the extremities, the lips, the longing part Breath catches and...
    Auberon89 Auberon89 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Update: Dark night of the soul After breaking

    up with the man that had nudged, prodded, and poked me towards leaving my marriage I was angry. Surely the man who was “so good with kids” and full of golden reassurance of what a great father figure he would be, couldn’t be the same man who now didn’t know if he could...
    Faerylight Faerylight 41-45, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I remember coming to this site years ago

    and of course was amazed to see my situation being played out many times by others. The one thing that always bothered me, and of course the thing that set me apart from the others was that my refuser is not that cruel, we will work it out. I was also suffering at having...
    silvereagleman silvereagleman 46-50, M 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    One day and 17 hours.

    That's what my countdown app says. In two days I'll be living in my own place. I'll be broke, and it will take ages to get moved in and feel settled. It will be hard in a lot of small ways, and an adjustment for my kids. But I can't wait!
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I found my daughter with her ear on my bedroom

    door when she mistakenly thaught I was in my room with her mom. It freaks me out. Another time I opened the door unexpected by her. She just about fell in our room. Discipline does no good. So I stopped any sex with my wife. Unless I know we are alone! No sex!
    TomNaq TomNaq 46-50, M 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    My wife and I were heading

    for divorce when she was diagnosed with an illness that will kill her. Tomorrow or 20 years; nobody knows. I could not leave after that. So I'm basically stuck in a sexless marriage. For those of you who say, "Just leave", don't bother. I made a vow and I'm sticking with it.
    Slider59 Slider59 51-55, M 18 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    She will only hold my hand in front of her

    friends. She never uses my first name. Her priority is her friends and social circle. She will not even touch me, unless her nfl team scores. I hate my lust. She tells me to out grow it. I need a Skype lover. I am pathetic. No way out. This is depressing.
    MrSoCal MrSoCal 46-50, M 56 mins ago

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    Thought this was an interesting read

    for any woman(who are the refusers) out there who is perplexed by how her man ticks. I think a lot of good stuff can be found for men in it as well. It is a Christian site, but I found it while researching SM's and other various parts of the subject. http://www...
    angryspartan angryspartan 36-40, M 22 Responses 3 days ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 37 Responses Mar 31

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