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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,578 People

    About an hour ago I told my wife I was going to

    bed. Kissed her and left her with her stupid mtv show. Texted her from bed to tell her I'm naked and waiting to talk about our setting texts from this morning. No reply. I think I'm going to run away to Niagara this weekend, to find my soul and freeze my arse off if this...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is unconditional love an oxymoron?

    Consider the quote above...how much truth is in it? We hear this term bandied about so often. Is love meant to be unconditional. I mean romantic love, not the parenting or familial love. I don't believe you can love or stop loving at will, but should there be conditions on...
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 8 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Lamenting. The other day someone told me my

    eldest daughter is beautiful. I looked at her, watching her enjoying life, being at ease with her friends. She came to me, hugged me and told me she loved me. All of a sudden I wondered if I really am worthy of my children - all lovely, intelligent and well-loved - if my own...
    Wundaring Wundaring 31-35, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    He's trying to make amends,

    and has identified that's this, one of many mistakes he made, was putting me behind in trying to have over-the-top career goals. I received an apology last night with this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LImUrwebrZ4
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Having read some of the stories about how

    refusers operate, I wish to add to the heap of literature on this subject. The idea that a human being, one that we married no less, can shut down such a vital and crucial part of the marital union and STILL go on with life as if everything is sunshine and lollipops is nearly...
    Monomyth Monomyth 51-55, M 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Marriage counseling - Day 1: Introductions Oh

    boy! My wife finally agreed to go to counseling. On the drive to the therapist office, she was apprehensive about going. I could feel she was tense and irritated. When we got to the office, it was after hours and the door was locked. There was a phone number to call for...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I have celebrated 16 years of marriage to my

    wife a few months back. I love her and all aspects of the marriage have always felt normal...except the sex. We do not fight over any real issues and communicate in a way I would consider to be fairly well. I do plenty or work around the house and for a large amount of our...
    ReconMan ReconMan 41-45, M 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    To those trying to fix their SM with a refuser

    making some effort. Would you expect the refuser to make more of an effort to start intimacy? Even if the refuser didn't always do that before? How did it feel trying to rekindle intimacy after the pain of being refused? Had your refuser acknowledged the hurt they had...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    The divorce process is going better then I

    expected. However, I have noticed his abusive and manipulative behaviors have increased yet remain covert. Most people are oblivious to the insidious emotional manipulation that goes on behind closed doors. Even the recipient of the abuse is oblivious to it. I was. As I sit here...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 78 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I just don't understand all this non-sex,

    non-intimacy, craziness. I've become very good friends with a few people on here, and if even half of the things they say are true.... I just don't understand spouses. (Of course I don't understand mine either!) How can a woman or a man have a loving, caring, spouse/mate...
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    I thought I had posted this a few days ago

    but apparently it didn't go through. I'll predicate the narrative by saying I know where this is headed. I just need to get my thoughts down: It had been 10 days since The Talk and a week since reset sex (nothing since). There's been no additional affection, no reaching out...
    SkepticalGorilla SkepticalGorilla 41-45, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Where did the 1% statistic come from?

    I've been reading this in posts- but don't see any evidence to back up the number. Thank you!
    Seekinganswers2 Seekinganswers2 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cathartic. Last night I had a fantastic

    conversation with a new EP'r. I talked about (vented) my marriage and the struggles I've gone thru. Later in the conversation he parroted back what he heard. OMG. It was flat out cathartic. Like he was holding the mirror to my fav and the mirror was speaking back to me. All...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I am a 53, hard working,

    successful business owner and family man. I have been living in a sexless marriage for 15 years. I would say that we might have sex once a year. I annoy her. I have talked with her for years about it, and she says it's not me, she simply has no libido. She also won't make any...
    ZCampbell ZCampbell 51-55, M 5 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    So how do you cope with this

    and find companionship and love but still stay in the marriage for all the wrong reasons
    dmyers8331 dmyers8331 66-70, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well- I get the promise often of "maybe later".

    ....and then I may get a quick rub and tug for about 5 strikes when she says " my arm fell asleep" or " I'm tired... At the point of signing up for Ashley Madison....
    bghosefan bghosefan 46-50, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    My anniversary came around this weekend,

    it was beautiful, like I said, he was excited about it , so he planned everything. And surprisingly I enjoyed every moment of it Fast forward to bed time, here's me who hasn't had some in a while and my hubby making me feel good all day raised my sexual urges from like 1 to 1...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    More thoughts from the other side.

    .. when the infatuation wears off.... I will start by saying I really wish I hadn't deleted my past username and all the stories attached to it. Everyone warned me, but stubborn me didn't listen. It would have been nice to reflect occasionally and to let others see the...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Thank you EP. So many of you have been

    so kind to offer advice, insights or just a general kind word, and it really means a lot. This is the only place I'm able to talk freely, and to know that you listen and care enough to respond so helpfully gives me so much hope. From all that you have said, and deep inside me...
    andthentherewaslight andthentherewaslight 31-35, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 81 Responses Feb 9

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