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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,972 People

    My first day as a single person,

    on my own after almost 25-years of misery - longing for love, intimacy, and sex - yet now I'm free, I have no desire for a relationship or sex. The irony.
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 28 Responses 6 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I have a similar story,

    but in my case, the story has gone on for almost 30 years. I fell in love with a boy in college and dated him for 6 months, then moved home after school. We dated just a short time before he moved back to his hometown in Ohio. He met and married a woman within a year and I...
    illinois1966 illinois1966 46-50, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Blogs here will soon die.

    .. :( Don't forget to save them somewhere! On June 21st, EP will be discontinuing Blogs due to ongoing maintenance issues. Please export your blog content by clicking here.
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 8 Responses 6 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    ‘Viagra for Women’ Gets Push

    for F.D.A. Approval "Is sexual desire a human right? And are women entitled to a little pink pill to help them feel it? Those questions are being raised in a campaign that is pressing the Food and Drug Administration to approve a pill aimed at restoring lost libido in women...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    I am involved in an affair

    for three years now. I know it's wrong, but it's so painful to end. I love my husband like a brother. I don't want to end it since I do love him and my children. the affair person does not want to leave his wife. he is also in a sexless marriage.Please don't judge. I already...
    firstaffair firstaffair 51-55, F 20 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Perspectives from Oppositeland There is a

    common misconception on here, it seems, that Oppositeland is some sort of magical paradise for people who have left their sexless marriages – a place where everything turns out perfectly. No wonder, then, the disappointments experienced by some of the newly separated...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 16 Responses a week ago

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    Part of the self esteem recovery plan is

    getting back to being buff dad. This requires a 5k run every weekday evening. It has been made pretty clear this should be done in my own time, so it is, and I go at 10pm. Last night I was aware of a car tracking me around the country lanes. I was feeling pretty reflective...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 25 Responses 5 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I'm divorced, but still sharing the same house

    and still trying to move on, so I still identify as I'm trying to sort through my feelings. Today I thought - you can't have a healthy relationship unless there are two healthy people.
    metamorf metamorf 51-55, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 233 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    As I'm laying here in bed,

    shades drawn, tears flowing and a profound pain in my heart..... I watched my 'angel' drive off to college an hour ago. I'm proud to say, she's a 4.0 student, top 4% of her class and an over achiever in everything she puts her mind too. She has won multiple scholarships due to...
    LEXUS46 LEXUS46 46-50, F 27 Responses 5 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    My husband and I went 5 months without having

    sex. That's the longest I think I have ever gone. It's his fault as well as mine. He sometimes has a hard time getting hard and staying hard. I used to think it was because he worried too much. we have battled this our whole relationship. I guess I have kind of given up and got...
    deleted deleted 26-30 11 Responses 6 days ago

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    Past tense... I was in a sexless marriage.

    . But I got out. Best decision I ever made.
    mindovermulch mindovermulch 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    After 25-years, and only parting ways

    for 4-days, I suppose my expectations of my ex were too high, given our history. There are still some loose ends to tie up, so I have called once a day for 3 out of 4 days to confirm, sort out etc. Every call, except today, I asked how he was doing, and he seemed friendly and...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    Interesting article about how the viewpoint

    and purpose for marriage has changed in the last 30 years. A lot of us fall into this time period of change. http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-life/serial-monogamy-new-marriage/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Monogamish? Is working

    for me and this article seems to back it up... http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/are-new-dating-apps-killing-monogamy-or-has-it-always-been-dead/2015/05/26/485f07ec-03e8-11e5-8bda-c7b4e9a8f7ac_story.html?wprss=rss_lifestyle
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    UPDATE: I've decided not to initiate sex

    anymore, meaning the once a month 60 secs sex is not going to happen anymore. Found myself a job, and I am happy with my life at the moment, my husband is a good "house mate" I don't have to worry about pregnancy at all, cos we don't have sex, How do i take care of myself...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 6 Responses a week ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I did..after so long of attempting to work

    things out.... For absolutely no reason at all...and that's that!
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses a week ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I came across this commentary this morning by

    the CEO of Ashley Madison. Even though it may not apply - it's a nice read none the less. http://www.cnbc.com/id/102715169
    actionjake actionjake 56-60, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Hi there! I’m a lesbian who’s happily

    married to her best friend. September will mark 4 years since we’ve had any physical intimacy. Ours has been a completely celibate/platonic marriage. She says it’s due to menopause. It’s so difficult. I love her so much. I love the life we have. Our marriage is a good one...
    oldtruckgirl oldtruckgirl 31-35, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    So I used to think she was the problem

    but I know it's me now. I seem to never be in the mood. I am attracted to my wife and love her but I never seem to want any.:( I know it's affecting her we went through a tuff patch about a year and a half ago where we barley talked and the result took its affect on my sex drive...
    fraiser1977 fraiser1977 36-40, M 8 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    My husband used to msg me all day at work

    or wherever he was but the last yr he has slowly stopped to not even one during the day even when I text him. He comes in and won't talk to me but he goes outside and the whole time is on his phone, he claims he's 'playing games'.. Sure he is.. It's tons of other things also but...
    firstcomes firstcomes 36-40, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 37 Responses Mar 31

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    I admit my role. We have each had times

    as refusers. We usually got out of it before a death spiral started. I'm not sure this time. I need some counselor (maybe more than one even - me, us may need different guides)...but here's where I need some advice.,, My only experience of counseling is very square - how do I...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 10 Responses a week ago

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