Post

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,924 People

    refusing the refuser will often permeate beyond

    sex we saw some stories about forgotten birthdays and anniversaries recently, sad to see that the conversation with wife just a few minutes ago: Her: What do you want for your birthday? Me: Nothing Her: Do you want me to surprise you? Me: No Her: Are we going out for your...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 10 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This article may be of interest to those

    considering divorce, but wondering about its affect on their kids. "The new research, which came out of Georgetown University and the University of Chicago, suggests that parental separation or divorce only significantly impacts the behavior of children in high-income families...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    ... and sometimes I just have to vent.

    Hubs hurt himself very badly and now he's on the mend. We have been walking with the dog twice a day for an hour each so that he can regain his mobility. I'm fine with this seems to have gotten us to communicate better and he doesn't act like I'm an acquaintance which is nice...
    SBH1 SBH1 46-50, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 71 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 55 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    At ten till five this morning H asked me

    if I was ready to go! I told him (again!) my son was picking us up & taking us for my surgical procedure. The carpal tunnel surgery went well. My doctor was so fast! He also put a shot of steroid in the other wrist. I should be set for surgery now for a few weeks, until This...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Here is something odd.

    When we first got married we had our own cell phones on different carriers. I can't remember the exact time frame, but my cell phone broke and I was without a phone. We decided at this time to switch me to his carrier and do the family plan. His argument was that there were...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I just read something

    that makes too much sense, good people make you feel good, bad people make you feel bad. That is the exact reason I had to have my husband find some place else to live while we sort this out. All he has to do is be here and I feel miserable. He feeds off my energy, turns a...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So after my episode the other day,

    where H got upset because I had left him alone drinking his tea while I went upstairs, I decided to write him a letter. I gave it to him the following night when he returned home from work. The following is what I wrote. "For you to accuse me yesterday of being rude and...
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am so frustrated at my husband.

    He really is very lazy at making things work between us. No matter how many times I explain to him, he just chooses to take certain things for granted, like having intimate moments. Just switching off the tv for just 10 minutes and giving me his undivided attention. Lots of...
    Nathee Nathee 31-35, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have talked here a few times about how my man

    is constantly talking to me, telling me all about whatever thing he's interested in at the moment. Honestly - this would not be such a problem, IF we had a real sex life as well. I'm actually a pretty good match for men who like an audience. When I was a kid my father liked to...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 25 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Turns out a friend is a refuser.

    This explains many things she has described about her husband's behavior (accusing her of cheating, reading her emails over her shoulder, etc.). We have not discussed this much at this point, and may never discuss it again at all. I believe she may be asexual or else have a...
    ghostofacheerfulowl ghostofacheerfulowl 36-40, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 68 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I am wondering if the sexless marriage folks

    in MN would like to get together sometime? I'd be willing to organize an event somewhere. We would need to set up ground rules to keep everyone safe and avoid anyone feeling pressured into anything but I would really like to meet some of the people I run into on here and I'd...
    rangerrick1958 rangerrick1958 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to date a hot model

    because that's what I think I deserve. Problem - married with a kid.
    nevereverquit nevereverquit 31-35 13 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This song plays with the lyrics.

      I dedicate it to all of us in a SM who feel our spouses will not release us and also for those of us who cannot release ourselves for whatever reasons we have.I hope we all find the happiness we deserve soon.The song is from Dido called "Hunter". 
    IrisROE IrisROE 56-60, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's been almost a year

    now ...working across foreign land,,,, craving...craving....craving
    rockypoly rockypoly 31-35, M 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Post card from single land We often talk

    about the benefits of leaving a SM in terms of being able to engage intimately with someone, ie, opposite land. Nearly six months into living separately I want to talk about the benefits of being single- as opposed to being alone within a dysfunctional marriage. Benefit...
    faerylight faerylight 41-45, F 29 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In tonight's episode our hero,

    lonely decent guy finds himself once again lost in the intimacy desert. Should he A. Continue to wander aimlessly. B. Once again assault the fortress of the ice queen even though he knows it's pointless. Or C. Use his "last sober guy at the bar" super power to team up with Hook...
    expromiscuous expromiscuous 41-45 10 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5866166?

    ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063 Dr Phil is dead on
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just thought I'd put this out there!

    !!! Yes I live in a sexless relationship. I love people sending me messages, getting to know new people, Make new friends. But that does not give you the right to be explicit & rude! I'm a flirty person but again asking me personal questions about ******* etc is not on...
    carrieAberdeen carrieAberdeen 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If you're giving your all to someone,

    and its not enough, you're giving it to the wrong person. I found an interesting quote the other day. I think it bears some reflection, especially for those of us who keep trying over many years to fix the sexlessness and lack of intimacy despite the glaring fact that we are...
    LaoTzu LaoTzu 41-45, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Former member checking in.

    I wrote in I am Dating After a Sexless Marriage but it seems pretty quiet over there... so I am checking in here, too. It has been an amazing journey. I am so eternally grateful for where I am now in life and I very much owe it to this place for it was the catapult that...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 36-40, F 12 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I had a successful sexual experience last night.

    I didn't feel dirty or used after. I really talked at length with my husband about the events of my childhood. He assured me I'm not crazy, and we were able to discuss boundaries. Perhaps when I said "sexless", it was a bit of an overstatement. It hasn't been years, but we...
    coffeeIover coffeeIover 26-30, F 5 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    .This image is thought provoking,

    and I think many of us in ILIASM don't love ourselves enough..I wanted to share this with you all, in the hope that it would promote you to think about your own value and how we all have to learn to love ourselves more, learn to be "selfish", instead of selfless, and put...
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are these types of people happiest

    when they are miserable? I know that doesn't make sense. But nothing makes sense anymore! Why is it they look for a reason or an excuse to be mad at you? Or is it just an excuse for their bad treatment of you after you bring it up to them? Regardless of which one it is,the...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 139 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Paulainlondon Paulainlondon 36-40, M 2 Responses 43 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My current email to my husband of 12

    years: It's after 3 and I am up, tormented by our lack of intimacy. I've asked you for months to seek out help and you have given me no indication that you take my requests seriously. It's serious. We have one life, at this point our relationship is the only one capable of...
    thruwithblue thruwithblue 41-45, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel