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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,133 People

    Last night, I told Husband

    that the possible re-starting of our sexual relationship would have to be preceded by discussions similar to talks at the U.N. ;-) I said that he would have to negotiate to gain permission to cross into my national borders. I am gaining understanding that Husband is deeply...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Long time since I've posted I'm going to keep

    it simple point form - still having frequent (not as much as id like but can't claim sexless) - the quality is there (she is with me at those moments - it isn't just me initiating - the relationship isn't perfect -she still has depression/anxiety - she still rewrites history...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    I wonder if dealing with lice is a metaphor

    for my marriage. . Yes. I'm admitting it in the "public" sphere of EP. My kids have lice. It's been rampant at our school this year; numerous notices have been sent home. The pharmacy agreed that they can't keep the delousing shampoo stocked on shelves. Sigh. . I discovered it 3...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    I've been clenching my jaw

    for a decade. - Over the last few days, I've realized I've been clenching my jaw all the time in response to my STBX's dismissive behavior toward me . As I extract myself from this SM, I'm trying to relieve the tension this burden has placed on me and my self-esteem. Learning...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 10 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    I haven't worn my wedding ring all week.

    Sadly, my husband has not even noticed. Or maybe he has and is just still happily living in denial. Ha asked me what's wrong today. I said, "it's one of those days. I'm depressed...our situation hurts." He just says, "I'm sorry babe. I love you." It's like he knows he can't...
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    Omg. I never knew what a sexless marriage was.

    I always blamed myself, that I was no good, that if only I did this or that or was a better person things would get better. I have been in a SM for ten ******* years, and I finally had a break-down this past December. I googled "why won't my wife have sex with me?" And learned...
    bornin65 bornin65 46-50, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    I found this article interesting.

    You have to hang with it for a bit, but it makes a lot of good points. It is not inherently about sexless marriage, but touches on advice given here in a different way. Happy Tuesday, ya'll. http://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Anyone else tried psycho sexual therapy?

    How many months did it take?
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Got Divorced before a 4 days.

    It was over a long time ago, and now it's over officially. From Mr.excuses to STBX and now just Ex. Relieved I have a friend, who is stuck in a bad marriage. We were talking and surprisingly, tears started rolling down my cheeks. He asked me the reason, and I was speechless. I...
    coolvolatile coolvolatile 31-35, F 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    From Psychology Today,

    an important read for the many who are walking on eggshells in their romantic relationship. What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships A look inside lives spent walking on eggshells. Post published by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Jun 10, 2015 in Anger in the Age of Entitlement...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Are any of you in your situations

    because the refuser converted to a particular religion? Any religious reasons at all for your marriages being sexless?
    beneboo beneboo 26-30, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I found this site on the web

    for asexual's (i'm not one, hubby could be one I guess) but the point is, there is a group for sexual spouses of these asexual people. So they can go there for support. They seem to generally be looking for support and it seems really positive. Just thought i'd post it. The...
    Janicecakes Janicecakes 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 3 days ago

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    Three Years in ILIASM This June marked my

    third-year anniversary on ep/iliasm. What a trip it has been, and the ride isn’t quite over. After 19 months of separation, my ex is still wearing his wedding ring. We don’t have a legal custody arrangement, nor does he pay child support. He would not go to mediation...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    6 months into fixing our SM-Part 1: Many of my

    friends on ILIASM have encouraged me to post an update. Here goes: Well, it has been 6 months since "the talk" last December. I threatened to leave, changed over bank accounts, had bags packed, etc. and gave her an ultimatum. It FINALLY got her attention. We have been...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 8 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    2005 - 2015 - What's Different ?

    2005 - I was still in my ILIASM deal 2015 - I am in the relationship of my life 2005 - I was living in suburbia 2015 - I am living in a small country town 2005 - I had a very financially rewarding job 2015 - I have a part time job and some volunteer work that I find very...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    All of you should get some strange

    or have some casual sex. The sexless will go away, so many people get married and decide they aren't attractive anymore. That is so incorrect.
    Trickster3272 Trickster3272 41-45 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Marriage without touch Broken souls wander in

    pain The years march onward **** Edit: I am not currently sad. In fact, I'm quite flirty. I'm also creative, thus the haiku.
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    I read this article and I thought it might be

    helpful for some. It focuses on dealing with regret. http://positivemed.com/2014/11/04/10-choices-will-regret-10-years/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I want to thank EP again.

    I joined a few days before Halloween 2014. I spoke to a few GREAT people on here. Writing my stories and recalling each event in my failed marriage helped me realize how unhappy I truly was. Journal entries on here were the same story month after month. Reading your input of...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 10 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Now that same-sex marriage has been effectively

    legalized across the U.S., I propose we outlaw no-sex marriage!
    scrimshaw scrimshaw 46-50, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    we have had sex 3 times this year,

    I have initiated all 3 occasions with dates and a massage, she got off on all occasions, and yet she still makes me feel like I have to beg, she constantly rejects me. I need to be touched, caressed, kissed. Men need these things just as women do, and when I try to talk to her...
    ForTheLoveofMusic ForTheLoveofMusic 31-35, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Okay, there comes a time in every girl's life

    when she needs to replace her toys. I figured that this group would be the best place for advice on the best new 'toys' for me.oops wrong picture...oh well, you get the gist.So ....I want to replace all my toys with new ones, I'm bored with the same ole same ole.  Colour is...
    luminesce luminesce 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Never make someone a priority

    who considers you optional. I was never a priority to my STBX. Everything else was more important to him than me - his job, the kids, his time at the gym. He never prioritized me and just expected me to be happy with the crumbs of attention he periodically graced me with. So...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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