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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,577 People

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    15 min ago, I texted my wife to tell her I was

    in bed naked waiting for her. The only being to come into the room since has been the cat.
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    I did it. It's been a long journey,

    but we're about to start our divorce proceedings. He's now out screwing someone new. I'm free.
    StaceyJane StaceyJane 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So how do you cope with this

    and find companionship and love but still stay in the marriage for all the wrong reasons
    dmyers8331 dmyers8331 66-70, M 6 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    To those trying to fix their SM with a refuser

    making some effort. Would you expect the refuser to make more of an effort to start intimacy? Even if the refuser didn't always do that before? How did it feel trying to rekindle intimacy after the pain of being refused? Had your refuser acknowledged the hurt they had...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cathartic. Last night I had a fantastic

    conversation with a new EP'r. I talked about (vented) my marriage and the struggles I've gone thru. Later in the conversation he parroted back what he heard. OMG. It was flat out cathartic. Like he was holding the mirror to my fav and the mirror was speaking back to me. All...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Well- I get the promise often of "maybe later".

    ....and then I may get a quick rub and tug for about 5 strikes when she says " my arm fell asleep" or " I'm tired... At the point of signing up for Ashley Madison....
    bghosefan bghosefan 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    So we had a discussion about our failed

    coupling. She feels awkward about initiating, but understands that if she is interested merely letting me know she is interested and expecting me to take over will not work for me. (I believe she received this and understands that in the future if she wants me she will have to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I have been away a while,

    and I have been careful before posting. I don't want to jinx things but I am equally aware that this place needs people who have even a modicum of success to share that modicum else we'll all go mad. So, my story since I was last here around VD. VD was a bust in many ways and...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Well, I think things are getting better.

    In the last month quite an improvement albeit a real hurdle on Valentine's day. We even ordered our first 'toys'and I'm excited to see if we can spice it up. I am lucky in that I think he really does love me. It is the weight that makes him lazy about getting things going and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I thought I had posted this a few days ago

    but apparently it didn't go through. I'll predicate the narrative by saying I know where this is headed. I just need to get my thoughts down: It had been 10 days since The Talk and a week since reset sex (nothing since). There's been no additional affection, no reaching out...
    SkepticalGorilla SkepticalGorilla 41-45, M 12 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I am so sexually frustrated.

    Last night I put on something sexy for my husband. I put on sexy music and tried to give him a striptease. He was completely disinterested. Said he was tired and not in the mood. Once again for the millionth time I felt rejected, lonely and my self esteem circling the drain...
    ahousewife ahousewife 36-40, F 50 Responses 3 days ago

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    Ugh... he just nipped me.

    It wasn't hard, but hard enough to bruise. My crime??? Trying to place my hand on his chest to show him some affection. The bruise is right by a mole, so I guess that I need to keep an eye on that for a few days now.
    LoneSouls LoneSouls 26-30, F 22 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wow, can't believe it's actually happened- STBX

    finally moved out today. It's been a journey I lost half my furniture, lots of money, wasted my 20's and early 30's on a marriage that never took... but all that said it's still a small price to pay for my sanity!!! Now the new journey begins... I feel excited, scared, relieved...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    We had sex today, in the middle of the day,

    for the first time in 2 months. It was awesome. What was best about it as that I know we have not lost our sexual spark. I was growing fearful that the longer we were in this rut, the greater the chance of things not clicking. But it did and it was just great! I am so happy and...
    crazzygurl crazzygurl 26-30, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    The "monthly" occurred yesterday.

    Assume that means she is ovulating or a combination of me being pissy and showing obvious signs of rejection. I wonder if it's just easier to get to the point where it doesn't happen at all. That way I don't waste energy and frustration fighting for the monthly or the...
    Alohaguy Alohaguy 36-40, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    It's been a long time

    since I've posted. I guess I've been staying off the radar. On here and at home. I guess mostly I just try to stay busy, spending time with my girls and focusing on work and my annual fundraising event. He's been staying busy too. Now that the Holidays have passed his work...
    imagoodgrl imagoodgrl 36-40, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    So nothing has improved.

    It totally sucks at home. On a brighter note, a friend of mine from college has said she wants an affair with me. I always wanted to hook up with her in college and now I can. We have been talking a lot and from the sound of it she will be a ton of fun! I can't wait!
    krob8807 krob8807 26-30, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I’ve been reading posts on this site

    for the last few years. In a way it’s comforting to know there are others that know what I’m going through. I’ve been in a sexless marriage for many more years than I care to admit. I’m still very attracted to my wife. I have never turned her down. I miss her...
    gojetsgo999 gojetsgo999 51-55, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Why did I allow him to only do me

    once a month or once every other month? Why did I allow him to give me such lame excuses each and every time he refused me? Why did I allow this to happen for 13 years? How many headaches can an individual have in a week anyway? Why did the house not being clean be the direct...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Days since last encounter 0 Report: Gear

    requested and supplied Multiple ******* on one side Rested and repeated Morning Muscle soreness (upper legs) Mission success
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    So we started a talk.

    I told her I need her. And I want her. I tod her I am scared to go on this upcoming business trip with a colleague I had a one night stand with 20 years ago before we dated. I told her when we got to this point in our married life I expected to not be sharing it with a...
    Alohaguy Alohaguy 36-40, M 1 hr ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I dont know what 2 do?

    Should i wait 2 rent to after i have the money from my house, we have the closing on March 13. Should i wait or not. I think i just keep looking 4 excuses, but i am scare cause whst about if there a delay or something happens & we dont close ? What do u guys think ?
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
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