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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,558 People

    Well, I think things are getting better.

    In the last month quite an improvement albeit a real hurdle on Valentine's day. We even ordered our first 'toys'and I'm excited to see if we can spice it up. I am lucky in that I think he really does love me. It is the weight that makes him lazy about getting things going and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    I have been away a while,

    and I have been careful before posting. I don't want to jinx things but I am equally aware that this place needs people who have even a modicum of success to share that modicum else we'll all go mad. So, my story since I was last here around VD. VD was a bust in many ways and...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    All of you are experts!

    My therapist agreed with all of you that said it's not going to get better on it's own. She also said that I have to draw boundaries. It's kind of cliche but nevertheless true. She said that when I married my wife this is not what "I signed up for." It has really validated...
    basluvsspike basluvsspike 46-50, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    The "monthly" occurred yesterday.

    Assume that means she is ovulating or a combination of me being pissy and showing obvious signs of rejection. I wonder if it's just easier to get to the point where it doesn't happen at all. That way I don't waste energy and frustration fighting for the monthly or the...
    Alohaguy Alohaguy 36-40, M 17 mins ago

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    So I have to make a quick update: Some

    concerns she has with me. 1) I read and respond too much here 2) I have way too many online friendships 3) I from time to time watch **** 4) We view being in a ***** club differently 1) I stay here to read and respond because I have become very interested in this group of...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I wrote an update here the other day,

    but ended up deleting it because I didn't feel like dealing with all of the haters out there. So I am revising my update, omitting the "offending" information and including new information. My divorce is still dragging along. We were supposed to go to court the first week of...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    So, sex was great before we were married

    and until we conceived our first child 6 months after we married......then.....not so much. There was a significant period of time after the birth of our first son when we didn't have sex at all - he was uncomfortable while I was pregnant, so I said I would wait until he was...
    raiderslayer raiderslayer 46-50, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    What should I expect from divorcing a

    narcissistic refuser? We start marriage counseling on Tuesday but I'm not putting any faith into it. I'm leaning out and she is resistant to going. I told the therapist I want it to be discernment counseling. I also have an appt. with a lawyer for next week. Curious to hear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Why did I allow him to only do me

    once a month or once every other month? Why did I allow him to give me such lame excuses each and every time he refused me? Why did I allow this to happen for 13 years? How many headaches can an individual have in a week anyway? Why did the house not being clean be the direct...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 7 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    So, I had this happen last night.

    .. You know this blue/white dress thing making the rounds (if you don't google - blue dress). Well, last night I showed my wife and she says "I'm not doing it". I say "you won't tell me what color you see?" She says "no, it's all over Facebook and I'm not going to participate...
    thirteen20 thirteen20 46-50, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Genuinely torn sometimes.

    Marriage is still sexless. Have had some serious talks (finally). H is making some changes. Helping more with kids and house ("helping"...as if those are my responsibilities and he's altruistically helping me). He's slightly more "available" and engaged (vs. totally...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hi, From the Other Side Again!

    I like to drop in, check out who is still around and get updated, so I will also leave my update. My boyfriend and I have been living together since September and we are coming up on our one year anniversary. I can't imagine life without him. When people ask how long we...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 41-45, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    We had sex today, in the middle of the day,

    for the first time in 2 months. It was awesome. What was best about it as that I know we have not lost our sexual spark. I was growing fearful that the longer we were in this rut, the greater the chance of things not clicking. But it did and it was just great! I am so happy and...
    crazzygurl crazzygurl 26-30, F 7 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Yuck! I the refuser..

    .... Ok clarification got home from consoling (went by myself, she was exhausted just getting home from a 12 hour night shift) so she rolls over and says get naked and lets have some fun. Me (looks at clock) have to leave for work in under 15 minutes...... "Grrrrr hun, please...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    From the Huffington Post "My Husband And I Had

    Sex Five Times In 12 Years" My husband and I had sex five times in 12 years. For those of you doing the math, that's once every 29 months. It just wasn't enough. I needed more, much more it turns out, than these several shades of gray. I'm currently in the process of...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 27 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I have posted a while ago.

    Due to many people being helpful, I tried my best for the next months - just in order to know I tried everything. I signed my divorce papers today. I am sad for now. But most importantly: I am free. I have a life ahead of me. With the chance of love, intimacy and sex. It is...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 7 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    It's 1am here and as usual I am not asleep,

    I had a not so good day and when hubby jumps in to bed he holds me tight and tells me everything is gonna be fine, His grip is so tight that I can feel his pelvis on my but, making me feel excited , And then voila !! There goes my baby , snoring the night away, (no show...
    shuga15 shuga15 22-25, F 24 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Well, finally dropped the big one.

    I have now moved from Limbo to Hell. And since we have not told the kids yet, there are several lower levels of Hell yet to go. I feel like dried dog crap at the bottom of a large pile of pig ****.
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Ugh... he just nipped me.

    It wasn't hard, but hard enough to bruise. My crime??? Trying to place my hand on his chest to show him some affection. The bruise is right by a mole, so I guess that I need to keep an eye on that for a few days now.
    LoneSouls LoneSouls 26-30, F 15 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I thought that this might be some sort of

    support mutual sharing site. Instead I found a lot of angry frustrated a-holes. Cya
    GLFR GLFR 61-65, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    So when you put your profile on eHarmony

    or Match.com do they have a question 'How would you rate your sex drive from 1 to 10?' Or do they just put a option box at the bottom of the form which says 'WARNING - I WILL ONLY REQUIRE SEX FOR THE FIRST 6 / 12 / 24 / 36 MONTHS OF A RELATIONSHIP (please circle the relevant...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So we had a discussion about our failed

    coupling. She feels awkward about initiating, but understands that if she is interested merely letting me know she is interested and expecting me to take over will not work for me. (I believe she received this and understands that in the future if she wants me she will have to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Days since last encounter 0 Report: Gear

    requested and supplied Multiple ******* on one side Rested and repeated Morning Muscle soreness (upper legs) Mission success
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    Last night I woke up wanting to snuggle.

    I know I could have snuggled with hubs, I just didn't want to. Instead, as he snored next to me, I found myself feeling lonely. I've never felt that in my marriage before. He was right there. I know he would have been happy and felt validated if I did roll over and snuggle with...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 7 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Once again tonight, I tried to initiate sex

    and the wife wasn't interested. In the last 3 weeks I've tried to initiate 11x and have only been successful 2x. The 2x sex was obligatory sex - it just didn't feel like she was that into it. Ok, so its not sexless, but still. I just feel that there's no reciprocity in it...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 5 Responses 2 days ago