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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,545 People

    I've been reading this forum

    for weeks now. I know Im not alone with my situation but it feels good knowing others share a similar story. My story will most likely be long and winded so please bear with me. I met my wife almost 13 years ago. At the time she had been in a relationship with a guy for 3 1/2...
    RunningTrain RunningTrain 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    charlie757 charlie757 41-45, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Yuck! I the refuser..

    .... Ok clarification got home from consoling (went by myself, she was exhausted just getting home from a 12 hour night shift) so she rolls over and says get naked and lets have some fun. Me (looks at clock) have to leave for work in under 15 minutes...... "Grrrrr hun, please...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 5 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    So, sex was great before we were married

    and until we conceived our first child 6 months after we married......then.....not so much. There was a significant period of time after the birth of our first son when we didn't have sex at all - he was uncomfortable while I was pregnant, so I said I would wait until he was...
    raiderslayer raiderslayer 46-50, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Genuinely torn sometimes.

    Marriage is still sexless. Have had some serious talks (finally). H is making some changes. Helping more with kids and house ("helping"...as if those are my responsibilities and he's altruistically helping me). He's slightly more "available" and engaged (vs. totally...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    So when you put your profile on eHarmony

    or Match.com do they have a question 'How would you rate your sex drive from 1 to 10?' Or do they just put a option box at the bottom of the form which says 'WARNING - I WILL ONLY REQUIRE SEX FOR THE FIRST 6 / 12 / 24 / 36 MONTHS OF A RELATIONSHIP (please circle the relevant...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Hi, From the Other Side Again!

    I like to drop in, check out who is still around and get updated, so I will also leave my update. My boyfriend and I have been living together since September and we are coming up on our one year anniversary. I can't imagine life without him. When people ask how long we...
    awakeforthedancechecksin awakeforthedancechecksin 41-45, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Today I changed my personal pic to one off the

    internet and added a "1" to the front of the my user names as EP has made a deal with google .... Goggle your own Handle and it comes up on google. And links straight to your profile. I am here for anonymity and only reveal to my circle after I have known them. Now this is open...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 46-50, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    I have not made love to my wife in months.

    . The last time was 6 months ago and even then it felt like it was just me.. She just laid there rolling her eyes and looking away and telling me to hurry up, as if she was doing it just as a chore she felt obligated to do. Ever since then we have barely even had physical contact...
    BrockEP BrockEP 26-30, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Once again tonight, I tried to initiate sex

    and the wife wasn't interested. In the last 3 weeks I've tried to initiate 11x and have only been successful 2x. The 2x sex was obligatory sex - it just didn't feel like she was that into it. Ok, so its not sexless, but still. I just feel that there's no reciprocity in it...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

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    So here's mine. We haven't had sex in a year,

    it was a year last weekend actually, I count, not sure if my husband does. It's weird, it's an enormous elephant in the room that neither talks about. I am afraid of telling him that I miss it and he either doesn't care or is in the same boat. Wanting it but not having the...
    shortpoole shortpoole 31-35, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    So I have to make a quick update: Some

    concerns she has with me. 1) I read and respond too much here 2) I have way too many online friendships 3) I from time to time watch **** 4) We view being in a ***** club differently 1) I stay here to read and respond because I have become very interested in this group of...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Your STBX is Not Your Enemy … Since I had

    filed for divorce my relationship with my ex has improved dramatically. We have an agreement we’re both satisfied with, the divorce is almost finalized and now we find ourselves in a different place. We have to sell the house, a one-time business partnership in which we have...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Living in a sexless marriage

    for over 4yrs! Weight is not an issue even tho I have lost over 50lbs and still going! He had a herion problem and is now on methadone but it started way before, he has medical but wont see a doctor or anything. We have been married 8yrs going on 9! No matter what I do or say...
    mrslenny mrslenny 36-40 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Today is my birthday

    and I share my birthday with Steve Jobs. I find this quote very relevant today. I hope you do as well. “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    Every time I want to run back into my SM I come

    here to read a lil bit and then I get deterred.
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    I wrote an update here the other day,

    but ended up deleting it because I didn't feel like dealing with all of the haters out there. So I am revising my update, omitting the "offending" information and including new information. My divorce is still dragging along. We were supposed to go to court the first week of...
    lightblueeyes lightblueeyes 46-50, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    All of you are experts!

    My therapist agreed with all of you that said it's not going to get better on it's own. She also said that I have to draw boundaries. It's kind of cliche but nevertheless true. She said that when I married my wife this is not what "I signed up for." It has really validated...
    basluvsspike basluvsspike 46-50, F 9 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    From the Huffington Post "My Husband And I Had

    Sex Five Times In 12 Years" My husband and I had sex five times in 12 years. For those of you doing the math, that's once every 29 months. It just wasn't enough. I needed more, much more it turns out, than these several shades of gray. I'm currently in the process of...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 27 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    recklesssxo recklesssxo 18-21, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    Well, finally dropped the big one.

    I have now moved from Limbo to Hell. And since we have not told the kids yet, there are several lower levels of Hell yet to go. I feel like dried dog crap at the bottom of a large pile of pig ****.
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    I was thinking just now.

    .. About 13 years ago I told H that I was leaving. Sadly it was an empty threat because I didn't have an exit strategy. Then I got scared and complacent and stayed. I always thought about that time from my perspective. And how he didn't fight for our marriage. One day he...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 15 Responses 4 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    My husband won't touch me.

    I know usually it's the other way around, but he has no interest in sex.
    scottishsweetie scottishsweetie 36-40, F 53 Responses 3 days ago

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    I am so excited and a little scare at the same

    time !!!! 1st time in 30yrs that i will live by myself pay my own bills and be own my own. Finally found a townhouse i like and i might rented this sunday .. and the BEST part is less then 2 miles away from my work! I will keep you all posted.. I feel like a kid waiting 4...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 6 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I know the general consensus seems to be

    that 'why' isn't important, but it still is for me. I guess because I am not very far through the whole process yet. It seems to me there is a big difference between having a partner who doesn't care about you at all and is playing power games or is (more or less consciously...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Yesterday while driving home I passed my wife

    as she was taking my oldest son to basketball practice. I arrived home to find my two other children playing. Shortly after my wife calls and tells me she is stopping by the grocery store after dropping off for basketball. I asked what she wanted me to make for dinner and she...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    It's 1am here and as usual I am not asleep,

    I had a not so good day and when hubby jumps in to bed he holds me tight and tells me everything is gonna be fine, His grip is so tight that I can feel his pelvis on my but, making me feel excited , And then voila !! There goes my baby , snoring the night away, (no show...
    shuga15 shuga15 22-25, F 23 Responses 1 day ago

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