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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,570 People

    Once again tonight, I tried to initiate sex

    and the wife wasn't interested. In the last 3 weeks I've tried to initiate 11x and have only been successful 2x. The 2x sex was obligatory sex - it just didn't feel like she was that into it. Ok, so its not sexless, but still. I just feel that there's no reciprocity in it...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 154 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I dont know what 2 do?

    Should i wait 2 rent to after i have the money from my house, we have the closing on March 13. Should i wait or not. I think i just keep looking 4 excuses, but i am scare cause whst about if there a delay or something happens & we dont close ? What do u guys think ?
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

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    Well, I think things are getting better.

    In the last month quite an improvement albeit a real hurdle on Valentine's day. We even ordered our first 'toys'and I'm excited to see if we can spice it up. I am lucky in that I think he really does love me. It is the weight that makes him lazy about getting things going and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wow, can't believe it's actually happened- STBX

    finally moved out today. It's been a journey I lost half my furniture, lots of money, wasted my 20's and early 30's on a marriage that never took... but all that said it's still a small price to pay for my sanity!!! Now the new journey begins... I feel excited, scared, relieved...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    So we had a discussion about our failed

    coupling. She feels awkward about initiating, but understands that if she is interested merely letting me know she is interested and expecting me to take over will not work for me. (I believe she received this and understands that in the future if she wants me she will have to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    What should I expect from divorcing a

    narcissistic refuser? We start marriage counseling on Tuesday but I'm not putting any faith into it. I'm leaning out and she is resistant to going. I told the therapist I want it to be discernment counseling. I also have an appt. with a lawyer for next week. Curious to hear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So nothing has improved.

    It totally sucks at home. On a brighter note, a friend of mine from college has said she wants an affair with me. I always wanted to hook up with her in college and now I can. We have been talking a lot and from the sound of it she will be a ton of fun! I can't wait!
    krob8807 krob8807 26-30, M 6 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Every time I want to run back into my SM I come

    here to read a lil bit and then I get deterred.
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Will be in said marriage

    for 21 years this March. I keep a journal and reread my thoughts during the early years, and our sex life after our daughter was born has always been sparse. That I've been in a sexless marriage throughout the majority of my marriage life. I just realize that now since doing...
    mintjade mintjade 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    To those trying to fix their SM with a refuser

    making some effort. Would you expect the refuser to make more of an effort to start intimacy? Even if the refuser didn't always do that before? How did it feel trying to rekindle intimacy after the pain of being refused? Had your refuser acknowledged the hurt they had...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    We had sex today, in the middle of the day,

    for the first time in 2 months. It was awesome. What was best about it as that I know we have not lost our sexual spark. I was growing fearful that the longer we were in this rut, the greater the chance of things not clicking. But it did and it was just great! I am so happy and...
    crazzygurl crazzygurl 26-30, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am so sexually frustrated.

    Last night I put on something sexy for my husband. I put on sexy music and tried to give him a striptease. He was completely disinterested. Said he was tired and not in the mood. Once again for the millionth time I felt rejected, lonely and my self esteem circling the drain...
    ahousewife ahousewife 36-40, F 49 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Last night I woke up wanting to snuggle.

    I know I could have snuggled with hubs, I just didn't want to. Instead, as he snored next to me, I found myself feeling lonely. I've never felt that in my marriage before. He was right there. I know he would have been happy and felt validated if I did roll over and snuggle with...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 46-50, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Yuck! I the refuser..

    .... Ok clarification got home from consoling (went by myself, she was exhausted just getting home from a 12 hour night shift) so she rolls over and says get naked and lets have some fun. Me (looks at clock) have to leave for work in under 15 minutes...... "Grrrrr hun, please...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    The "monthly" occurred yesterday.

    Assume that means she is ovulating or a combination of me being pissy and showing obvious signs of rejection. I wonder if it's just easier to get to the point where it doesn't happen at all. That way I don't waste energy and frustration fighting for the monthly or the...
    Alohaguy Alohaguy 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    All of you are experts!

    My therapist agreed with all of you that said it's not going to get better on it's own. She also said that I have to draw boundaries. It's kind of cliche but nevertheless true. She said that when I married my wife this is not what "I signed up for." It has really validated...
    basluvsspike basluvsspike 46-50, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why did I allow him to only do me

    once a month or once every other month? Why did I allow him to give me such lame excuses each and every time he refused me? Why did I allow this to happen for 13 years? How many headaches can an individual have in a week anyway? Why did the house not being clean be the direct...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    I have posted a while ago.

    Due to many people being helpful, I tried my best for the next months - just in order to know I tried everything. I signed my divorce papers today. I am sad for now. But most importantly: I am free. I have a life ahead of me. With the chance of love, intimacy and sex. It is...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Genuinely torn sometimes.

    Marriage is still sexless. Have had some serious talks (finally). H is making some changes. Helping more with kids and house ("helping"...as if those are my responsibilities and he's altruistically helping me). He's slightly more "available" and engaged (vs. totally...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 16 Responses 4 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    So, I had this happen last night.

    .. You know this blue/white dress thing making the rounds (if you don't google - blue dress). Well, last night I showed my wife and she says "I'm not doing it". I say "you won't tell me what color you see?" She says "no, it's all over Facebook and I'm not going to participate...
    thirteen20 thirteen20 46-50, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 35 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Thank you EP. So many of you have been

    so kind to offer advice, insights or just a general kind word, and it really means a lot. This is the only place I'm able to talk freely, and to know that you listen and care enough to respond so helpfully gives me so much hope. From all that you have said, and deep inside me...
    andthentherewaslight andthentherewaslight 31-35, F 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Days since last encounter 0 Report: Gear

    requested and supplied Multiple ******* on one side Rested and repeated Morning Muscle soreness (upper legs) Mission success
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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