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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,532 People

    So I think that counselling could help my H

    and I understand each other's situation better. I've tried but he clams up so I think we need outside help. So, how often do people go and roughly how many sessions / months does it last? It's not that I don't think it's worth the money but H isn't working at the moment so I...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Well I have been... He likes vanilla sex (every

    2/3 months if I'm lucky) but I like to be a little more adventurous. In the whole time we have been together he has gone down on me twice. I have always had the higher sex drive and he tends to be a little on the quick side though he is VWE. I am fully waxed (which is his...
    masa2014 masa2014 26-30, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    I ran across a product today

    while working (I am in healthcare). Does anyone see any possibility of this reviving a SM marriage (more from a male point of view). I would think that she would have to be interested in you. I contacted the company but it cannot be sold in my state. Thoughts?? www...
    HAR1978 HAR1978 46-50, F 15 Responses 3 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    So, for those of us who have gone the

    counseling route and are seeing some progress: Is there passion and desire with your sex life? I just don't know if I even want him sexually anymore. The years of no intimacy seem to have killed the desire I used to have for him. Even if he suddenly tries, which he does...
    Candymaker Candymaker 41-45, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Married 23 years, no sex

    for the last 5. If you count years when sex occurred less than half a dozen times, then the number of sexless years climbs to 15. Some people say that a marriage can survive without sex...well, I am call BS on that statement. At the outset, a lack of sex is just that....a...
    EmbraceableMe EmbraceableMe 41-45 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    My wife has no interest what

    so ever in the way I look even though I'm in the gym 6 days a week. All she cares about are her sisters and her job. No sex. No physical relationship. I am a amature bodybuilder and you would think she would be even more impressed with my physique like perfect strangers are. I...
    njguy8 njguy8 41-45, M 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    Im 65 not a bad looking guy.

    Very giving and love to please my wife in bed. She has no interest in sex. I think she would like to please me but she has no interest. Dont know if its medical or mental. I love her and have no desire to hurt her in any way. Its hell to have the desire but be married to a women...
    flustrated65 flustrated65 61-65, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    I need to rant a bit.

    I am flying home right now from a business trip. I will be scrambling to get to a school function for my daughter once I land. Because the event is outdoors and it will be cool this evening, I thought perhaps I should have a jacket tonight. However, I did not bring one with me...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 30 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I have been with my now husband

    for four years, married just recently in May 2014. We have three daughters, (3,3, and 1 years of age)...we have been through a lot of ups and downs, I got pregnant quickly in the beginning of our relationship with twins, that we thought would not survive...they are healthy now...
    beyondstars beyondstars 22-25, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    So... I've been having an affair

    for about 5 months now.. He said the "L" word first sometime back ... I said it back... he has taken care of me when I needed to be... driving me wherever or picking me up... He has such shivery with everything he does.... leaving love letters tucked on my car while I'm working...
    caressablecat caressablecat 51-55, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I have thought so many times about posting in

    this group. I always seem to stop myself. Partly because I don't want to embarrass him by posting something he'd be ashamed of or shamed by if he saw it, partly because I'm just shy and sensitive, partly because my feelings are so complex and change so often that I'm afraid...
    licoriceandlace licoriceandlace 41-45, F 19 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    What makes a marriage become sexless ?

    I'm very curious about. Is it because there's no spark? If not what made it go away ? Is it because you fell out of love ? What makes married people fall out of love ?
    June4U June4U 22-25, F 18 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    So I guess the question

    for me is, "How long does it take to turn an SM into a "normal" marriage?," or "How long does it take to recover from an SM, and make it better?" Of course, there is no stock answer.....there are a thousand factors..... We've made love 2 times in June, 3 times in July, and...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    .This pretty much says it all about sex with

    someone who doesn't want you the way you want them, reset sex, etc, etc ad infinitum on the refused and refuser dynamic..I would prefer to be energised!
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Love Me Tender. Love is a word,

    one mistaken by many. It means to me from a mans perspective. Enjoyment of every inch of her body, mind and soul. Her words, the understanding of who she is, what she is, and her intellect, weather she be high or low in intellect it matters not, what really matters is that we...
    TryCopperbottomed TryCopperbottomed 56-60, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I'm at an event where my hubby

    and some others are being awards certificates for passing some work tests... I feel like a teenager again.. With my parents and really want to be with my boyfriend .. I will be a good girl and be elated for him..
    caressablecat caressablecat 51-55, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 298 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I am a penis gobbler.

    Gobble gobbler.
    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    An update... Day 6 of living separately.

    I'd say Sunday was the low point, after that "piece of cake". At least to what I'd imagine what it would be like. I am finding myself again. Doing the things I used to like. Little things. Like sitting in the bathtub for an hour and read. Having my morning coffee in complete...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Had an interesting development at therapy last

    night. My wife said she wants to meet with our sex therapist individually to 'dig a little deeper'. In an attempt to find out the root of her low libido and see if there's something she CAN do to fix it. This was a stunning turn of events. She not only recognized and verbalized...
    Crave15 Crave15 41-45, M 13 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I refused sex last night.

    It was late, I was exhausted, and didn't want to be just a piece. I feel so beat up and used. Now I'm being blamed for being a hypocrite and was called a crazy ***** lol!!! I have been thru hell -- am still being dragged thru the mud by my x, all bc of the kids and money - and...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 23 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have posted here before,

    and am still (just) in my SM - but taking steps to leave it. I guess this might sound like a rant, but it's really just a question, and I would welcome people's views in the comments, if you'd be so kind. As have many here, I have had conversations with my wife about the...
    adeptlinguist adeptlinguist 51-55, M 24 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am curious about your experiences with sex

    therapy. I am not interested in it for my own marriage. I just wondered, is it anything like this?: Thin Blue Line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAw4PeQ8gr8 unfortunately this clip doesn't show the result of the therapy. The result was extremely good, cause he hated going to...
    Amaaj Amaaj 46-50, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    OK, so I don't actually have a totally a

    sexless marriage but here's my input & what we have that others don't have. Communication. We've been together for 20 years, married for 13 yrs, both over 60 yrs of age. When we first got together, sex was very often and great. The last 5 or so years have been a real trial as...
    Xlandria61 Xlandria61 61-65, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    8,165 to 1 Revisited.

    In a recent story I suggested the raw data showed that the odds of your ILIASM shithole turning around were 8,165 to 1. Been thinking about it a bit more, as there is a roaring great gap in the data. That being the people who post a story in here and then **** off never to be...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    So, we're on vacation in a beautiful

    and exotic place. It should be very romantic, right? During an excursion in a scenic location, Husband and I had a quiet moment together. He looked into my eyes, leaned in and kissed me...on the tip of my nose! I called him out on it today, and he said "that's what's so...
    WestSiderWoman WestSiderWoman 46-50, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    I live in a sexless marriage have been

    for the last 6 years... Just didn't realize I was until recently. In my situation i never married for love, didn't even find him attractive. But I was young and was led to believe by my elders that love would happen. Well 2 kids, numerous affairs on his end and trial separation...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    I've been married 25 years.

    When the sexless time of our marriage first started about 5 years ago on and off, mostly off now a days, I was angry. I loved on, had an affair, moved out, started my life anew. Then I made the mistake of dating my husband. He said all the right things and did all the right...
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 13 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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