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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,919 People

    I was in a double bind.

    I couldn't bring up the topic of sex while I was with her, because I knew she'd go on the offensive. Either that, or she'd make me crazy telling me that I was just imagining things. I didn't even feel safe talking about it when we were in couple's counseling. I couldn't...
    BinaryBill BinaryBill 61-65, M 8 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 26 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 181 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Celebration Since leaving my sexless marriage I

    have been on the most incredible journey of self discovery. The posts Neeia has posted recently have really triggered a great deal of emotion. She asks why when a relationship fails do we always look for how we are to blame? Recently I dated a man who told me I was broken...
    Faerylight Faerylight 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 24, 2015

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    Feeling super lonely

    and needy lately. H wants to get close, but I can't. I may not be in love with him but I do love him. So why is it so hard to just hold his hand or hug him every now and then? It's like the tables have turned.. He wants to get back into my personal space in the hopes that a...
    1Life2Live2015 1Life2Live2015 36-40, F 19 Responses 4 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 294 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Maybe not fully sexless,

    but definitely need more. Husband is away for work for days sometimes. And when he is home, he always seems tired. Maybe I have a higher sex drive. But I feel like something is wrong with me also. Like I never feel satisfied anymore. I am always fantasizing and thinking. I do...
    sandrawilde sandrawilde 22-25, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    After the blow up last weekend,

    and several days of avoidance, this morning he acts like nothing ever happened. The standard fair, really. Fly under the radar of the irrational, demanding wife, and things will go back to normal. Proceed with usual charm and disillusion. Except I have my first appointment...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    For those who got out.

    .. do you ever wish you would have done counseling before getting divorced? when I divorced, I didn't really get answers, or closure. I played nice in order to get a quick divorce from him. he did want counseling but I refused. I sorta realize why he married me, but sometimes I...
    TinyMouse TinyMouse 26-30, F 18 Responses 2 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 47 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Ramblings from a restless mind- I was

    thinking about why some leave their misery and others stay. I partially remembered a quote and went on a search for it. I found it, by Thoreau from "Walden". "I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live...
    Jim44444 Jim44444 61-65, M 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    Everything went how I thought it would at the

    lawyer's appointment. One thing I didn't think about was that he said I should get my will done right away and change the beneficiaries of certain things, in order protect my son. I'm glad for the legal advice, even if it mainly only confirmed my understanding of my rights etc...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 230 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Hi everybody!!!! Just a quick update about my x

    assown! There is no doubt my x refuser is gay!!! He has recently blown thru several so called "relationships" (haaaaa) because they wanted sex and he couldn't consumate! He actually just texted me that he ran from his most recent "relationship" (like any of us give a f...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I've been thinking a lot about an object.

    My husband's fleshlight. When he first asked whether the sex part of our marriage could be over, one of his reasons was that he could just get himself off a lot easier with his own hand. He also liked not having to worry about another person's pleasure. Truly what he said. Fast...
    momtonandg momtonandg 46-50, F 24 Responses 5 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 60 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I really would rather be alone

    and celibate than paired up and celibate.
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 18 Responses 5 days ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 35 Responses Mar 31, 2015

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    He's great. He's handsome.

    He's attractive. I still feel a small tingle when he changes in front of me, but I feel like he hates sex. We've been married for almost five years and dating almost two years before that. There was always an excuse. From waiting until marriage, to stress, to being in pain (he...
    Aytozed Aytozed 26-30, F 22 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    :| -> :D The first photograph I saw of

    Unjusted, here on EP, had her smiling a funny smile that stuck in my memory. I kept teasing her for a long time about the “straight mouth smile”. Lips closed, her face looked pretty much like this “:|” . It took me a while to get her to show her teeth while...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Chemistry - Inspired by a recent post,

    I've thought about "chemistry" and wondered why it's something that can't be controlled. Why am I attracted to some men and numb to others? - I've dated a few men recently who are perfectly nice guys - good-looking, smart, kind, and single - but I feel nothing. There's no...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 56-60, F 17 Responses 6 days ago

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    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 46-50, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Quitter My husband after seeing

    that I filed for divorce with the clerk of courts and it became real, called me a quitter. He said I always quit everything. I know that this is not true after being married to a man for almost 23 years and trying and hoping he would change. Eventually I did give up, "quit...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 53 Responses Nov 20, 2015

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    Update: I did it! Originally I planned to tell

    my husband later in the week, that I want a divorce but when he came to bed at 3 am he complained about his kidneys hurting. All I could think about was if he ends up in the hospital I will never have the guts to tell him I want out. So I decided right there and then tonight...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 40 Responses Sep 15, 2015

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    Promises, seduce, tease,

    marriage, then denial!
    magic7 magic7 61-65, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    I am both saddened and elated at the number of

    people in this group. Saddened because there are so many, and elated because I thought I was one of a very few. :/ Peace out.
    LiquidSunshine1 LiquidSunshine1 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I've known people who admit having regrets

    about past sexual encounters. They were drunk, submitted to pressure, acted impulsively/compulsively, or thought a partner was worthy who turned out not. For some, saying no is very difficult even just for fear of hurting the others feelings, and sex of some sort is easier to...
    AnythngIsPossibl AnythngIsPossibl 41-45, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Is there anyone who ever hear this?

    Do you even bother to respond or do you feel as if you are crazy for expecting it? "You are responsible for your own happiness" - said when he forgot birthday/anniversary or didn't do anything to make the day special. "According to you, everything is my fault" or "Yes, use...
    lbncb lbncb 41-45 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 41 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 59 Responses May 14, 2012

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    No more STBX Well it's official I am a single

    lady today. I went down to the courthouse by myself just like everything else I usually do. I appeared in front of of judge with my attorney my H waived his right to answer which was a good thing. I'm finally free and at peace from being under the same roof as him but being...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 39 Responses Jan 20

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 175 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 9, 2015

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    the past week has been nice.

    after an attempt to have sex my partner disclosed that he just doesn't like lady parts. he says he likes mine, but not vjays jn general. Hes not gay either. I think he's a sexual. but ive spent the last 24 hours daydreaming about the guy i slept with before and the chemistry we...
    CassieSamuel CassieSamuel 22-25, F 12 Responses a week ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    A test of

    Oppositeland ----------------------- Since my ex-refuser and I have pets together, we agreed that I could come visit at his place occasionally, since they live with him. This past weekend, I made my first pet visit. This is after having had The Talk 3 weeks ago. . Yesterday...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 22 Responses 5 days ago

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