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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,702 People

    So I don't live in a sexless marriage(or any

    marriage at all anymore), my marriage was horrendous in so many ways, but never that particular way. I actually would love the advice of the people on this board though. One of my dearest friends speaks very openly about how unimportant sex is to her. She and her husband have...
    lovevolves8 lovevolves8 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Ah, so seeing someone else chase me right in

    front of him is what it takes... Got it. Now this is more like it!
    starcatcher13 starcatcher13 31-35, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Chronic illness has destroyed any chance of sex

    in our marriage. 8 years ago my wife was diagnosed with a version of muscular dystrophy, it makes her muscles very sore and weak, and she tires quickly. We're both fairly young, early 40s. It wasn't supposed to go like this. You never think that one day you'll just stop having...
    02K30 02K30 41-45, M 1 Response 36 mins ago

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    So back .... Jan 16th 2015 (the day I arrived

    home from mexico) was the day things changed here. 6 years battling for affection and trying to figure out why it stopped and how to fix it. Today is March 27th which make today day 70. Things changed immediately like the snap of two fingers. Intimate sexual relations, dates...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Smithy's World--"un" update hello dear ILIASM

    friends, i called the court (again!) today to inquire whether a decision has been issued on my X's motion. as usual the response was "it is still showing as pending." when i expressed dismay, and asked if there's any way at all to tell how much longer, the person at the court...
    smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    so 2015 is not off to a hot start ,

    marriage still reaching new lows all the time , my wife has gone from angry and stressed and negative most of the time , to becoming verbally and mentally , emotionally abusive to me , i havent stopped trying to reconnect with her , but its always a catch 22 , and i never know...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Wow. The lyrics of this song -

    that I heard a million times as a kid - just hit me a different way. Sad, but also kind of uplifting. Yes, don't laugh, its REO Speedwagon. I've been around for you I've been up and down for you But I just can't get any relief I've swallowed my pride for you I've lived and...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    So for all of us who are struggling with our

    marriages. I recently fell in a love with a new song. It's by Britt Nicole and really hits home for me. The Sun is Rising. It gives me hope not only for today but, for tomorrow. Maybe, my marriage cannot be fixed. But, I can be happy with myself.
    WastedShadedDaylight WastedShadedDaylight 31-35, F 2 days ago

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    I'm 46 and have been married

    for 10 years to a wonderful woman who has no sexual interest. maybe once or twice a month if I'm lucky. She want hugs and kisses and affection but little else. I have been completely faithful to her and could not be with someone else but the lack of sex drives me crazy. It makes...
    hamlethere hamlethere 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 3 days ago

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    How many of you actually see your spouse

    as a real husband or wife? --- I woke up this morning, rolled over and saw a cell mate with whom I have been having institutionalized sex with and not a person with whom I share a life with. It is a sad morning in HoO's house. I realized this morning that she will never be...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    So I have been kind and respectful to STBX.

    What say the SM folks about leaving this web page open on my last day of contact?
    WowandWowWow WowandWowWow 51-55, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 556 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Will see how my mini- blow up goes.

    Typical sleepless night of me tossing about and she, 'sleeping' complains. Start to pack my pillow and she asks, "What did I do". Just told her it's about what she doesn't do. I say I didn't sign up for celibacy. I'm not 80 years old, and I want to move to the other bedroom...
    GodfatherJM GodfatherJM 36-40, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I came across this article - found most of it

    to be nonapplicable to a truly SM, but he makes one valid point: What’s one of the essential mistakes people are making during sex? "On a physical level, there are small details you have to get right to make something feel really good for somebody’s sex organs. And, you...
    Snowman12345 Snowman12345 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    If nothing else she is predictable.

    ... So I too the test for the 5 love languages no surprise I ranked as high as can be on physical with the runner up on affirmation. I knew that would be the case going in but it was nice to have it in black and white. So as I am taking this test I am thinking to myself...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    How much time do you waste thinking about your

    SM, posting and reading here, and generally wasting time, energy, and brain cells that should be devoted to something else? It just occurred to me today this occupies an absurd amount of my resources, eapecially lately. Edited: Thinking about the sexless marriage (and...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 47 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    My Experience part 7 The Bishop The following

    is long and may cause drowsiness and increased boredom. It contains adult content and may contain violence of extreme nature, that may be objectionable to the reader. I Am not responsible for any views, emotions or thoughts that may arise from reading the following. Everyone has...
    realme75 realme75 36-40, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    My wife wondered why her girlfriend told her off

    when she told her she doesn't sleep with me
    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    A poll for those who have told their parents

    they are divorcing/considering divorce: How did your parents react? When I tried to talk to my parents about how I am unhappy and would like to make big changes in my life, starting with leaving my husband, they were very discouraging. My dad was actually hostile, I didn't...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    I think that my refuser H

    and I lost all of the romance - and started living as roommates. Now he has said he wants intimacy again I'm wondering how we rekindle the romance.
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 155 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    12 years of marriage

    and 2 daughters. The last 5 years have been ridiculous. I feel like a dog begging for table scraps. We have no time alone. My youngest daughter still sleeps in the bed with us even though I just bought her a brand new complete bedroom set. I'm constantly rejected and whenever I...
    PatMine PatMine 31-35, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    My Experience part 8 The Bishop

    and Knight face-off The following is long and may cause drowsiness and increased boredom. It contains adult content that may contain smexyness and may contain violence of extreme nature, that may be objectionable to the reader. I Am not responsible for any views, emotions or...
    realme75 realme75 36-40, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    realme75 realme75 36-40, F 1 day ago

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    I Still Grieve … SmartKat recently posted

    a story wondering whether there is room for grief on ILIASM. EP Link This story is my attempted response. When I was new on this site, I had posted a short story called “Why I'm Not Grieving The End Of My Marriage.” EP Link It was true of my feelings at the time. I had...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So i can see that my STBXH is

    as eager as me to end this SM too. We have this other house that we have no mortgage on & STBXH is moving there was my idea cause i want to move closer to work im tired of driving 1 hr to and 1hr from work. So since ill be paying rent & his not he going 2 pay the full rent of...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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