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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,405 People

    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I propose an ILIASM nunnery.

    We can enjoy each other's company, support each other. This is not a prudish nunnery so one night "indiscretions" are allowed. One might say even encouraged. But any expectations for a relationship beyond that lead to disappointment, so these thoughts are not encouraged...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 8 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    I want to run away To someplace

    where ppl are nicer . I need to feel loved. Even though I live In a sexless marriage . I thought I had someone to grow old with ? Now I learn That isn't really the case . What am I going to do ?
    Arny6833 Arny6833 61-65 2 Responses a week ago

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    So, I'm heading towards a SM.

    ..I've read dozens of posts here, and whats prompted me to share (rather nervously) is that I am the refuser. How did we get here? He is a wonderful man, husband, father. We are always the great team. He doesn't deserve this. I've spent a few years believing (still do sometimes...
    sunkisd25 sunkisd25 36-40, F 34 Responses 6 days ago

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    I have found myself reflecting on this 'Ashley

    Madison' affair gate going on this week..... Why? I wonder why so many people are desiring an affair? ..... I wonder how many people that are in a 'Sexless Marriage' that have turned to the site, for outsourcing? I believe outsourcing is much bigger than we think. Will...
    LEXUS46 LEXUS46 46-50, F 27 Responses 3 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 48 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Why we obsess with the "WHY"s.

    .. Floatsam101 posted a recent story: EP Link#reply_8989242 in which I shared my thoughts on why we obsess with the "why's". Bazzar was kind enough to notice that there might be some value in it, and suggested that I post it as a separate story so that my ramblings would be...
    neeia neeia 41-45, F 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    I was watching Good Morning America this

    morning. They were talking about marriage. They interviewed a couple who were in their 70's or 80's. The married couple talked about their lives together. She women interviewed said "I like to hold his hand." I want someone in my life who would like to hold my hand once in...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Follow up to Dempsey22's post yesterday.

    It was my birthday recently and I got a card from my wife which said on the front '4 out of 5 birthday cards contain money'. Then on the inside it said, 'Sorry, you got the fifth!' I don't think it was intended to be ironic.
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 6 Responses 6 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Sex isn't everything.

    I never thought I'd say that, but paradoxically the better your sex life the more you see sex as just another thread in the intricate tapestry of life,albeit a very important one, one you can't live without, but woven into the broader fabric with all the other innumerable parts...
    PhinheasGage PhinheasGage 46-50, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was writing this as a response to Phinheas

    but it got too long (and over-dramatic, sorry about that...). Sex isn't everything. Just like sunshine isn't everything. I lived the first half of my life in England where the winters are very long and very grey. Daylight hours are about 8am to 4pm and most of them are dark...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 436 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Freud and Food for Thought.

    While idly researching something on happiness, I came across these reading notes on Freud's "Civilisation and Its Discontents" which I believe is worth checking out in its' entirety {the link at the end of this post, for your reference}. At the risk of sounding like those who...
    neeia neeia 41-45, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Sorting through my files tonight - trying to

    get the 2-drawer little cabinet ready to move to my apartment. This drawer has a folder called "stories" which does include my own poetry as well as just "helpful tidbits" and so this one is not from me obviously, but I did think it was an appropriate reflection of some stuff I...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 9

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    Warning: crude and involves older folks having

    sex I haven't posted here in a bunch of months but I'm back. I write to help sort out my feelings about my experiences. We are long-time married in our 50's, almost no sex together of any type. Last winter my wife got a physical and revealed to the female doctor that she hadn...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 14 Responses Aug 22

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Sex, Love and Emotional Connection I've been

    following the comments on a recent post 'So I'm heading for a sexless marriage' and an oft used and mostly acceptable sentiment captured my eye - essentially that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved. I personally don't believe there is a gender...
    LaoTzu LaoTzu 41-45, M 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    3 years out of my sexless marriage.

    .. Every so often, I like to check in here and give an update. And here's the latest: 3 years and a month after ending my SM, I am still a billion times happier than I was before! No regrets, no shame, no anger. Opposite Land is another planet than SM-land, just as well all...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    I hope this advice-seeker finds I Live in a

    Sexless Marriage.... "DEAR ABBY: The wedding night I had dreamed about forever was supposed to be the most romantic and amazing of my life with the one person I can't live without. Instead, it was the most humiliating experience I have ever had. I dressed in a beautiful...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 231 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Why I Am For Support Groups.

    The real short answer here is that for me, they work. It doesn't mean that they'll work for anyone else. Background Due to a gambling issue in my family, I ended up joining a group called GamAnon. This group is for family / friends where there is a gambling issue in play...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    An example of why I think that

    even though the refused are justified in outsourcing, divorce is better than outsourcing. If you do outsource, it would be wise to consult with a lawyer in case your spouse finds out.... The Ashley Madison hack explained Hackers are already capitalizing on the massive data...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses Aug 22

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 36 Responses Mar 31

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I know there are many of you

    who have been in the desert longer than I have, so I will ask, "How do you cope?" Bashing my head against the wall yields diminishing returns. I am so starved for the touch of a female who is not a family member I go crazy at times. I'm not talking sex here. Though that...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 17 Responses 5 days ago

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    Yesterday somebody thought I was a 20 year old

    making this stuff up. I wish, though if I was writing fiction I would try 50 Shades and make a few million. The present predicament does seem quite surreal. . Today I was showing my wife one of those new sites for searching the Adultery Mad stuff, and on our fairly small...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    Had a talk with wife other night

    and told her if she wants she can outside marriage and get it since when don't do anything. We haven't been close in 5 years, there has been times we have done few things but she never really there. The reason I said this is because I believe she has cheated on me but nothing in...
    Willf289 Willf289 31-35 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    When I first joined this group,

    it had been months since we had sex, and she flat out wanted a divorce, but I held on... We went a full year without even kissing, then one night when she was drunk she "jumped my bones". Then it was 6 months, again, drunk, now it's about every two months, but I don't really...
    2feetApart 2feetApart 36-40, M 10 Responses a week ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 296 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Nothing really deep here,

    just something I was wondering. Someone I was corresponding with got me thinking about stereotypes and expectations. I know my ex doesn't represent all women any more than I represent all men. But when I read stories from women who are being refused, I often think, "why in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    Currently at a club. Am disgusted.

    Will this be my life after divorce? God, I sincerely hope not. I think I have to puke now. Awe, skeet skeet mother ****** awe skeet skeet, GD. GD!!! Gross.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses a week ago

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