Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,569 People

    I’ve been reading posts on this site

    for the last few years. In a way it’s comforting to know there are others that know what I’m going through. I’ve been in a sexless marriage for many more years than I care to admit. I’m still very attracted to my wife. I have never turned her down. I miss her...
    gojetsgo999 gojetsgo999 51-55, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I have to make a quick update: Some

    concerns she has with me. 1) I read and respond too much here 2) I have way too many online friendships 3) I from time to time watch **** 4) We view being in a ***** club differently 1) I stay here to read and respond because I have become very interested in this group of...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I am so excited and a little scare at the same

    time !!!! 1st time in 30yrs that i will live by myself pay my own bills and be own my own. Finally found a townhouse i like and i might rented this sunday .. and the BEST part is less then 2 miles away from my work! I will keep you all posted.. I feel like a kid waiting 4...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have posted a while ago.

    Due to many people being helpful, I tried my best for the next months - just in order to know I tried everything. I signed my divorce papers today. I am sad for now. But most importantly: I am free. I have a life ahead of me. With the chance of love, intimacy and sex. It is...
    LostSophya LostSophya 26-30, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Once again tonight, I tried to initiate sex

    and the wife wasn't interested. In the last 3 weeks I've tried to initiate 11x and have only been successful 2x. The 2x sex was obligatory sex - it just didn't feel like she was that into it. Ok, so its not sexless, but still. I just feel that there's no reciprocity in it...
    Iltcp Iltcp 41-45, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What should I expect from divorcing a

    narcissistic refuser? We start marriage counseling on Tuesday but I'm not putting any faith into it. I'm leaning out and she is resistant to going. I told the therapist I want it to be discernment counseling. I also have an appt. with a lawyer for next week. Curious to hear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 82 Responses Feb 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We had sex today, in the middle of the day,

    for the first time in 2 months. It was awesome. What was best about it as that I know we have not lost our sexual spark. I was growing fearful that the longer we were in this rut, the greater the chance of things not clicking. But it did and it was just great! I am so happy and...
    crazzygurl crazzygurl 26-30, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Days since last encounter 0 Report: Gear

    requested and supplied Multiple ******* on one side Rested and repeated Morning Muscle soreness (upper legs) Mission success
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wow, can't believe it's actually happened- STBX

    finally moved out today. It's been a journey I lost half my furniture, lots of money, wasted my 20's and early 30's on a marriage that never took... but all that said it's still a small price to pay for my sanity!!! Now the new journey begins... I feel excited, scared, relieved...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All of you are experts!

    My therapist agreed with all of you that said it's not going to get better on it's own. She also said that I have to draw boundaries. It's kind of cliche but nevertheless true. She said that when I married my wife this is not what "I signed up for." It has really validated...
    basluvsspike basluvsspike 46-50, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    To those trying to fix their SM with a refuser

    making some effort. Would you expect the refuser to make more of an effort to start intimacy? Even if the refuser didn't always do that before? How did it feel trying to rekindle intimacy after the pain of being refused? Had your refuser acknowledged the hurt they had...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Will be in said marriage

    for 21 years this March. I keep a journal and reread my thoughts during the early years, and our sex life after our daughter was born has always been sparse. That I've been in a sexless marriage throughout the majority of my marriage life. I just realize that now since doing...
    mintjade mintjade 41-45, F 13 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So nothing has improved.

    It totally sucks at home. On a brighter note, a friend of mine from college has said she wants an affair with me. I always wanted to hook up with her in college and now I can. We have been talking a lot and from the sound of it she will be a ton of fun! I can't wait!
    krob8807 krob8807 26-30, M 6 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I thought that this might be some sort of

    support mutual sharing site. Instead I found a lot of angry frustrated a-holes. Cya
    GLFR GLFR 61-65, M 11 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Every time I want to run back into my SM I come

    here to read a lil bit and then I get deterred.
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, I had this happen last night.

    .. You know this blue/white dress thing making the rounds (if you don't google - blue dress). Well, last night I showed my wife and she says "I'm not doing it". I say "you won't tell me what color you see?" She says "no, it's all over Facebook and I'm not going to participate...
    thirteen20 thirteen20 46-50, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Well, I think things are getting better.

    In the last month quite an improvement albeit a real hurdle on Valentine's day. We even ordered our first 'toys'and I'm excited to see if we can spice it up. I am lucky in that I think he really does love me. It is the weight that makes him lazy about getting things going and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I dont know what 2 do?

    Should i wait 2 rent to after i have the money from my house, we have the closing on March 13. Should i wait or not. I think i just keep looking 4 excuses, but i am scare cause whst about if there a delay or something happens & we dont close ? What do u guys think ?
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 7 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 158 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have been away a while,

    and I have been careful before posting. I don't want to jinx things but I am equally aware that this place needs people who have even a modicum of success to share that modicum else we'll all go mad. So, my story since I was last here around VD. VD was a bust in many ways and...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 302 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's been a long time

    since I've posted. I guess I've been staying off the radar. On here and at home. I guess mostly I just try to stay busy, spending time with my girls and focusing on work and my annual fundraising event. He's been staying busy too. Now that the Holidays have passed his work...
    imagoodgrl imagoodgrl 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yuck! I the refuser..

    .... Ok clarification got home from consoling (went by myself, she was exhausted just getting home from a 12 hour night shift) so she rolls over and says get naked and lets have some fun. Me (looks at clock) have to leave for work in under 15 minutes...... "Grrrrr hun, please...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I did it. It's been a long journey,

    but we're about to start our divorce proceedings. He's now out screwing someone new. I'm free.