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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,708 People

    Chronic illness has destroyed any chance of sex

    in our marriage. 8 years ago my wife was diagnosed with a version of muscular dystrophy, it makes her muscles very sore and weak, and she tires quickly. We're both fairly young, early 40s. It wasn't supposed to go like this. You never think that one day you'll just stop having...
    02K30 02K30 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 80 Responses Feb 9

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    SeanPHung77 SeanPHung77 36-40, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    So back .... Jan 16th 2015 (the day I arrived

    home from mexico) was the day things changed here. 6 years battling for affection and trying to figure out why it stopped and how to fix it. Today is March 27th which make today day 70. Things changed immediately like the snap of two fingers. Intimate sexual relations, dates...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wow. The lyrics of this song -

    that I heard a million times as a kid - just hit me a different way. Sad, but also kind of uplifting. Yes, don't laugh, its REO Speedwagon. I've been around for you I've been up and down for you But I just can't get any relief I've swallowed my pride for you I've lived and...
    isoldeblue isoldeblue 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I've been married for 12 years

    and the last 2-3 have basically been sexless. We manage to have sex maybe 4-5 times a year. The sad part is I still completely and utterly love her but I'm so frustrated about the lack of sex. At this point in my life I'm not even asking for it weekly, I'd be content with every...
    delvoy delvoy 46-50, M 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Another interesting read

    and may be a good thing for some or all of us to think about :). I realize this may not have been written for people in long term marriages/relationships, but it still has value. http://elitedaily.com/dating/keep-dating-emotionally-unavailable-people/975470/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    How many of you actually see your spouse

    as a real husband or wife? --- I woke up this morning, rolled over and saw a cell mate with whom I have been having institutionalized sex with and not a person with whom I share a life with. It is a sad morning in HoO's house. I realized this morning that she will never be...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 26 Responses 3 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    I hate California Family Law.

    My soon to be ex refuser (5 years sexless) sat on her *** for 12 of our 20 and did no cooking, no cleaning, and was not a good role model for our 19 y/o daughter. The sad thing is this lazy person is entitled to half of everything and then I have to pay alimony for an...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 556 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 155 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I don't think it's just about sexlessness,

    it's also about control. Are most refusers also control freaks? We haven't had sex in > 10 years. He's never been particularly interested in it. But for someone who doesn't want to sleep with me, he sure doesn't want anyone else to either. What the ****, if I knew I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I Still Grieve … SmartKat recently posted

    a story wondering whether there is room for grief on ILIASM. EP Link This story is my attempted response. When I was new on this site, I had posted a short story called “Why I'm Not Grieving The End Of My Marriage.” EP Link It was true of my feelings at the time. I had...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 31-35, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    So for those of you keeping up with my story,

    thank you for the time and attention. Your help and comments are always welcome. This site has given me a valuable resource as a sounding board to work a lot of things out. -- I have been asked on the forum and in a number of PMs this question: What are you going to do...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 24 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I'm in this for 5 years now.

    And I've realized, a woman can live without sex but she feels empty in the long run without someone taking good care of her especially when kids become grown ups and have their own lives.
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I think that my refuser H

    and I lost all of the romance - and started living as roommates. Now he has said he wants intimacy again I'm wondering how we rekindle the romance.
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am not interested in sex with my husband at

    all. We disagree on everything and nothing is going well, but he still wants intercourse - well it doesn't work that way!
    wfewfe wfewfe 31-35, F 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Why do I continue to play hide

    and seek. I know my past. I know the events that shaped my sexless marriage from day one. I heard not tonight, I’m too tired, just hurry up and get it over with thousands of times in those first seven years of my marriage. I remember the words that finally ended my attempts...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 14 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    So for all of us who are struggling with our

    marriages. I recently fell in a love with a new song. It's by Britt Nicole and really hits home for me. The Sun is Rising. It gives me hope not only for today but, for tomorrow. Maybe, my marriage cannot be fixed. But, I can be happy with myself.
    WastedShadedDaylight WastedShadedDaylight 31-35, F 4 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    so 2015 is not off to a hot start ,

    marriage still reaching new lows all the time , my wife has gone from angry and stressed and negative most of the time , to becoming verbally and mentally , emotionally abusive to me , i havent stopped trying to reconnect with her , but its always a catch 22 , and i never know...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    So I don't live in a sexless marriage(or any

    marriage at all anymore), my marriage was horrendous in so many ways, but never that particular way. I actually would love the advice of the people on this board though. One of my dearest friends speaks very openly about how unimportant sex is to her. She and her husband have...
    lovevolves8 lovevolves8 36-40, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    To those who have done counseling,

    how did you find a counselor? Last night I told my wife we need to go see someone who could help us with the lack of intimacy. I'd prefer someone who has some experience/knowledge in dealing with sexless marriages. I'm not really sure where to start though. I got on the APA...
    Ut777 Ut777 26-30, M 5 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Ah, so seeing someone else chase me right in

    front of him is what it takes... Got it. Now this is more like it!
    starcatcher13 starcatcher13 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    EDIT - This is one of the stupidest,

    drunkest posts ever. I woke up this morning with every intention of deleting it, but decided to keep it up as a reminder of how ridiculous I am when I drink. And, the comments were somewhat valuable. Carry on. **** I tell my cousin My cousin is my age. She is only my...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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