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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,407 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I was writing this as a response to Phinheas

    but it got too long (and over-dramatic, sorry about that...). Sex isn't everything. Just like sunshine isn't everything. I lived the first half of my life in England where the winters are very long and very grey. Daylight hours are about 8am to 4pm and most of them are dark...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Nothing really deep here,

    just something I was wondering. Someone I was corresponding with got me thinking about stereotypes and expectations. I know my ex doesn't represent all women any more than I represent all men. But when I read stories from women who are being refused, I often think, "why in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    I have found myself reflecting on this 'Ashley

    Madison' affair gate going on this week..... Why? I wonder why so many people are desiring an affair? ..... I wonder how many people that are in a 'Sexless Marriage' that have turned to the site, for outsourcing? I believe outsourcing is much bigger than we think. Will...
    LEXUS46 LEXUS46 46-50, F 27 Responses 3 days ago

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    Yesterday somebody thought I was a 20 year old

    making this stuff up. I wish, though if I was writing fiction I would try 50 Shades and make a few million. The present predicament does seem quite surreal. . Today I was showing my wife one of those new sites for searching the Adultery Mad stuff, and on our fairly small...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 9 Responses 6 days ago

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    There is life after an SM.

    I wasn't sure where else to post this, and all my friends are part of this group. A few weeks ago I met a very good friend from the ILIASM group; we have been friends almost 4 years and it had morphed from friendship into something possibly more. He is still trying to get out...
    misssunnybunny misssunnybunny 41-45, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Currently at a club. Am disgusted.

    Will this be my life after divorce? God, I sincerely hope not. I think I have to puke now. Awe, skeet skeet mother ****** awe skeet skeet, GD. GD!!! Gross.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses a week ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 9

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    How often should we be having sex.

    I'd like it every 2-3 days. Is this to little or to much?
    camosmith camosmith 36-40, M 10 Responses 6 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 48 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Sorting through my files tonight - trying to

    get the 2-drawer little cabinet ready to move to my apartment. This drawer has a folder called "stories" which does include my own poetry as well as just "helpful tidbits" and so this one is not from me obviously, but I did think it was an appropriate reflection of some stuff I...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 36 Responses Mar 31

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    Sex, Love and Emotional Connection I've been

    following the comments on a recent post 'So I'm heading for a sexless marriage' and an oft used and mostly acceptable sentiment captured my eye - essentially that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved. I personally don't believe there is a gender...
    LaoTzu LaoTzu 41-45, M 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    I was watching Good Morning America this

    morning. They were talking about marriage. They interviewed a couple who were in their 70's or 80's. The married couple talked about their lives together. She women interviewed said "I like to hold his hand." I want someone in my life who would like to hold my hand once in...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I really wish my husband would want me

    and pay attention to me like he does to his job and laptop. His inability to have intercourse with me was because of anxiety issues he says. That work wasn't going as it's supposed to be and that he's afraid they might go bankrupt. As a good wife, I stopped whining and...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Hey any fun busty ladies wanna chat message me

    if that's you x UK based even better
    ilovebustyfemales ilovebustyfemales 41-45, M 6 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    When I first joined this group,

    it had been months since we had sex, and she flat out wanted a divorce, but I held on... We went a full year without even kissing, then one night when she was drunk she "jumped my bones". Then it was 6 months, again, drunk, now it's about every two months, but I don't really...
    2feetApart 2feetApart 36-40, M 10 Responses a week ago

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    I hope this advice-seeker finds I Live in a

    Sexless Marriage.... "DEAR ABBY: The wedding night I had dreamed about forever was supposed to be the most romantic and amazing of my life with the one person I can't live without. Instead, it was the most humiliating experience I have ever had. I dressed in a beautiful...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    PART 6: So, just another 6 weeks to go in this

    sexless marriage. Because in 6 weeks, there wouldn't be a marriage anymore. I can gladly leave the group ILIASM. At least I kept my vows and was faithful in the 5 years together while putting up with SM. The Refuser became the Refused, then tried outsourcing but appeared to...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    A simple question could it really just be about

    sex, sexual frustration. We stayed in our marriages for the positives. Someone I know left and quickly realize their life was shittier afterward (and yes there are the ones on here who's lives got better) Then there are the abused, manipulated and life is a torment but are they...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 51-55, M 13 Responses 5 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I propose an ILIASM nunnery.

    We can enjoy each other's company, support each other. This is not a prudish nunnery so one night "indiscretions" are allowed. One might say even encouraged. But any expectations for a relationship beyond that lead to disappointment, so these thoughts are not encouraged...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 6 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    So, I'm heading towards a SM.

    ..I've read dozens of posts here, and whats prompted me to share (rather nervously) is that I am the refuser. How did we get here? He is a wonderful man, husband, father. We are always the great team. He doesn't deserve this. I've spent a few years believing (still do sometimes...
    sunkisd25 sunkisd25 36-40, F 34 Responses 6 days ago

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    I want to run away To someplace

    where ppl are nicer . I need to feel loved. Even though I live In a sexless marriage . I thought I had someone to grow old with ? Now I learn That isn't really the case . What am I going to do ?
    Arny6833 Arny6833 61-65 2 Responses a week ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 71 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 10 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    3 years out of my sexless marriage.

    .. Every so often, I like to check in here and give an update. And here's the latest: 3 years and a month after ending my SM, I am still a billion times happier than I was before! No regrets, no shame, no anger. Opposite Land is another planet than SM-land, just as well all...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    I know there are many of you

    who have been in the desert longer than I have, so I will ask, "How do you cope?" Bashing my head against the wall yields diminishing returns. I am so starved for the touch of a female who is not a family member I go crazy at times. I'm not talking sex here. Though that...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 17 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Had a talk with wife other night

    and told her if she wants she can outside marriage and get it since when don't do anything. We haven't been close in 5 years, there has been times we have done few things but she never really there. The reason I said this is because I believe she has cheated on me but nothing in...