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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,390 People

    Dating… Since separating from my STBX

    several months ago, I’ve dated a couple of men and soon discovered that I’m not ready to date again. The many years of sexual rejection and sadness in my marriage have left deep scars on my soul and damaged my emotions so much that I find myself clinging desperately to the...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Just wanted to check in with the group.

    When I first came here I was completely depressed about my marriage and our lack of intimacy. From the time we were first married-we were not intimate nearly as much as I expected. I've tried many things-as posted in my other stories and I just want to say that I am glad that...
    stayinginthegame stayinginthegame 31-35, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I was at a party the other night

    and someone asked me if I was married. I told him I was on my second marriage (almost our first anniversary!), and he asked if I felt guilty about ending it with my first husband. I almost burst out laughing! NO. Not for a second. After telling him a bare bones outline of why...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 38 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 80 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6558262?

    ir=Parents&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037 Thought this was a great article and more than appropriate for many of us.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    A lot of sexless stories I read is

    so different from mine. My hubby is a kind, intelligent and caring person. He has been very supportive to my career and he also is a good dad to our son. He does not watch pron, does not drink and smoke. However, he does not show any intimacy to me! This drives me nuts! So often...
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 12 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    From HuffPost: "Deciding to end your marriage

    is, without question, one of the most heartbreaking decisions a parent will ever face. While recent studies have suggested that kids bounce back fairly well after the initial pain of the breakup, the question looms large in every parent's mind: should we get a divorce or stick...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Positives. A re-post in the right place!

    Friday: frosty and cold, my wife declines my silly suggestion (for twas) on relations of a carnal nature. Saturday: She's tired. I smell of chilli too much to snuggle. Attempts to discuss are stymied by the fact that she falls asleep. So much for the promised time to discuss...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Last night tried to have a conversation with my

    wife and ask her to read chapter 2 of the ten minute sexual solution. She us resisting. Tomorrow she has an appointment with her OBGYN. This morning I got flack from her when I asked her again to read chapter 2. She got irritated and said "when I'm I going to find time...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    This song expresses my mood

    and thought pattern of the looming discussion I will be having with my wife. "Golden Leaves" by Passenger - whispers album Do you remember how this first begun? Teeth were white and our skin was young Eyes as bright as the Spanish Sun We had nothing we could hide Now my dear...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Well I thought things were getting better.

    He's been making more of an effort and being more affectionate and then there it is again. More **** in his email. This time I wasn't snooping. I was signing him up for electronic health records and had to go in to authenticate his email to finish the registration. It was...
    ju1984 ju1984 26-30, F 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 45 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I can't figure out if I want sex

    or not. It's like the desires live outside of me and I can't connect myself with them. I am old anyway. I should just give up.
    gurg gurg 36-40 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Today's Dear Abby column is a great example of

    how people get into sexless marriages. Too bad Abby doesn't seem to realize that sexual chemistry is important for romances. Sounds like the Vegas dancer has a good friend, but he wouldn't be a romantic partner. "Woman Isn't Really Attracted To The Man Of Her Dreams Jan 27...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    I love love love to see

    such an article outside of a specialty sexless marriage group. If only someone could have handed this to 25 y.o. me: http://www.xojane.com/sex/how-to-gauge-your-compatibility-so-you-dont-end-up-in-a-sexless-relationship
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    So here's a question

    for the group. I found a mediation group in town and they seem ok. They suggest the first meeting (free) be a joint meeting so I need to start that conversation. But being an obsessive planner (procrastinator) I'm thinking ahead to what to tell the kids. I kind of want to have...
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 7 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I think I've lost touch with the real world.

    I keep posting the things my H has and has not done in regard to our relationship and to me personally. I keep saying to myself, but look, he's really not all bad. He is, at least in my mind, still human, still deserving of some kind of respect and at least a pseudo kind of...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    When you finally do have sex in a sexless

    marriage were 4 months of nothing, does it feel like a calendar alert went off with the title "do spouse before the subject of sex comes up"? I could just me.
    ms3206 ms3206 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    49,388 people :( That's a lot of us,

    far too many. I want to admit something about myself and like many of you I learned how to be a person growing up. I know what love is, and I can feel love for another person. I know that I am loved but I struggle daily to feel love. I have felt love now 3x in my life. The...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    One of the issues raised in our couples

    counselling is me being irritable. There are known medical constraints which make it harder but not impossible. Apparently my irritability is causing H to withdraw more and hindering his ability to consider intimacy again. I totally accept that this might not help. BUT the...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 3 Responses 33 mins ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I am finally leaving.

    Its been over two years since I knew I wanted a divorce now I'm finally going to do it. I am leaving, moving my stuff out and giving him the papers on Feb. 16. I thought I was ready that I wouldn't have any doubts but I have gotten very nervous. I am fine financially. We...
    jencpa jencpa 31-35, F 43 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Anyone want to try and see

    if their refusers are up for intensive couple's therapy? http://www.conservativeoutfitters.com/blogs/news/16657133-so-its-come-to-this 'Merica.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    So its been awhile. Nothing has changed.

    Scratch that. I've lost more weight. Thought maybe it would help. Hasn't. Nothing has. And every time I bring it up I turn into a villain. I'm so tired of feeling alone and unwanted in my marriage. Yet I've remained faithful but only just barely. I look better than I ever have...
    sharperthanyoursilence sharperthanyoursilence 31-35, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I didn't used to be so nice.

    I thought I was entitled to have sex whenever and however I chose, at one time. I thought my husband should bow to my whim, whenever I chose, because I was a woman, and a somewhat attractive one. Boy, did he set me straight. He countered by refusing me and never explaining why...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Just a question here: Would it make sense to

    have an ILIASM and spouses swingers club? Refusers can enjoy other refusers company into whatever is the think is pleasure and deprived can go with other deprived ones. Does it make sense?
    Zarkus Zarkus 41-45, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Two interesting developments .

    1 - I had my first appointment for a med check in my new town, with a new doctor. New doctors always ask 100,000 questions, so the topic of my sexless relationship came up, and I cried a little. The doctor suggested I might want to see one of the therapists at their practice...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    first post for me. sorry

    for the long message but I got on a roll. I've been sexually frustrated in my marriage since day 1. we had sex once on our honeymoon and it felt forced and awkward. we are coming up on our 10 year anniversary this year. we used to have a good sexual relationship when we...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dream Lover Once upon a dream we danced from

    dusk till dawn holding on tight Clinging to each other like tomorrow might never come calling us I remember the smell of your hair and the scent of sweet perfume The softness of your body as you pressed against me so wickedly Pretending to be a naughty girl even though you...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago