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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,824 People

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I assume most people on here would disagree

    with this at least to an extent but this is still my advice. I had everything planned when I left my marriage. I was debating it for over two years and about a six months before really put everything in motion. I had everything planned to a T except how I would feel. I...
    jencpa jencpa 31-35, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 160 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    This article from Psychology Today may be

    useful to the many refused who are also verbal abuse victims. " Trivializing can be very subtle so that the partner is left feeling depressed and frustrated but isn’t quite sure why. Following is an example of trivializing in the relationship of "Ellen" and "Ernie...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Note from Opposite Land.

    As some of you know, I'm out of my SM, and have been for almost two years in a romantic, affectionate, sexual relationship with a single man my age who is the love of my life. Recently, some sexual problems have come up, and I thought you'd find it interesting to see how a...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hello to all! I was encouraged by my dear

    friend confidant and my love to write about something I brought up in one of our conversations. It was the thinking that is it me that caused our partners to turn the way they did into refusers. What if it was our way of loving them sexually and physically. Now I know we are...
    uncorkyoursoul uncorkyoursoul 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am a single man and I want to get married,

    but when I read all the experiences here I get scared from being in the same situation. Why do people live in sexless marriage?????
    hicham28 hicham28 26-30, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Full disclosure...my marriage isn't "sexless"

    in terms of frequency. As I stated in my first post my wife is a self proclaimed "sure thing." From a quantity standpoint, I have no business posting in this group. Having said that, it's the quality that's an issue. Although not exactly the same as truly sexless, it lacks...
    ethotmail ethotmail 41-45, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I did live in a sexless marriage

    until a month ago. I finally had the courage to leave, to stand up and fight for myself! I didn't leave based solely on no sex. He was emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive as well. I wish I had done it sooner but I just didn't have any fight left in me, he had taken that...
    moeshajo moeshajo 36-40, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    So is like this the kids R against it!

    !!!!!! Today i told my daughter in the phone i haven't connected the internet being a teenager she like mom why havent u connected the internet.. Sl i told her maybe ill b moving back with your dad!!! I dont know if it was that she been super stressed with finals & a cold & she...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I need to tell my wife

    that this site is, if nothing else, a place I would go and feel understood. Yet visiting it was a downer because, as many have stated, much of the content distils to outsourcing/divorce. In common with most stories I have been on a journey since first coming here. It began with...
    NearlyBroken NearlyBroken 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 21 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I had sex last night with a hot irish guy .

    .the passion was amazing ...hair pulling ..throwing around the room ...he lives in Ireland ..I live in the uk we were careful ...I'm travelling home today one off won't see him again something I have never done before ..I don't feel guilty at all !! Sad but true
    lostmyselfgirl lostmyselfgirl 36-40, F 43 mins ago

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    Would love a one night stand right

    now with a really nice good looking guy anyone like to help me
    becfrombrisbaneqld25 becfrombrisbaneqld25 22-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I want to know how people define "sexless".

    Presumably this site exists because of this phenom, no? But like for me It's not like there isn't any in my relationship; it's underwhelming and about 90% less than what I would like it to be.
    yourbustygirl yourbustygirl 31-35, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    It's only been about a month

    but a lot has happened. My stbx is purchasing a condo about 8 miles away. The closing was yesterday. Her daughter had to attend the paperwork session for her because she is in the hospital recuperating from a hysterectomy. She had been experiencing a good deal of pain and...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 66-70, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 53 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 234 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    What an interesting month it has been.

    I have been out of my house now for a month. I was hoping this trial separation would give me final clarity as to my true feelings. It is, after all, difficult to distinguish feelings of love vs feelings of comfort. For me, anyway. There is no doubt. I AM doing the right...
    beachlivin04 beachlivin04 41-45, M 13 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    So I'm once again in a dry patch.

    Haven't found the courage to leave but this time it's different. I now know she doesn't love me. She told me herself in the most cruel and cold way. She mocks me in her rage, and emasculates me in her rants. I never use to be so weak. I was a strong confident man. I had the...
    Sinnister Sinnister 31-35, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Stupid me! Thinking of things are getting

    better! No, it is just a fake temporary mirage! Things will be the same.
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 14 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Living in a sexless marriage sucks!

    I hate it when she withholds sex as a way to manipulate me, but what to do about it?
    Texasparamedic410 Texasparamedic410 36-40, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    So frustrated! I work all day at a great paying

    job. The only downfall is I only get to see my wife about 30 minutes a day. I come home early tonight to surprise her and find her in bed reading. She puts it aside and rolls over on to her side to talk to me. I reach to the side table and get the massage oil and begin to give...
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    At some point has anyone ever got the feeling

    their refuser was on the Down Low ?
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    I am planning to leave my wife

    when the kids grow up . That will not be for ten years or so but the thought that there is an exit gives me some solace . However, am I being deceitful by continuing the marriage when I know I plan to leave. Also will I really leave in ten years, or will I just keep going in an...
    sadman777 sadman777 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well he invested in the Viagra.

    .. Our session with his psychologist was not too helpful ,,apart from him telling my H he had to listen to me more.Our intense chat afterwards was calm but I told him Viagra not the answer ,,, I knew in my head there was a doctors appointment coming up which I identify was Monday...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    anyone at Tempe, az or whitestone,

    ny to fulfil needs?? ;))
    trueman4a trueman4a 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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