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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,432 People

    Hi all. I've been doing a lot of self

    reflection lately, and I know that my dysfunctional family and longing to be loved (and the bs from my life long refusers) has led me to choose partners that have rejected me. I am having to build my self esteem and decide what I am not willing to tolerate in my life. I have...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    This last year all of these emotions have been

    festering.. I try to communicate but he doesn't listen. My husband is such a nice person but he blows up on me for the littlest things.. Like completely yells, degrades and makes everything into my fault. He's controlling and likes things a certain way. I've always been a...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 16 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I don't often offer a comment

    as I don't consider myself particularly cerebral when it comes to addressing the conflicted lives of others. But I felt like posting something in the hope I can still make a contribution, so how about a joke for all us in the ILIASM tribe. After all, it is Saturday. Up front...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    My last post was deleted by EP.

    That was the first time I've ever been censored here. Let's give this another try. I found Adina River's "mytinysecrets" blog to be very interesting. She is extremely explicit, however her advice is geared toward building closeness and long-lasting intimacy. Her ideas are...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm MARRIED!it should not be like this!

    !! I'm angry, sad, hurt, and pissed the F off!
    onelastgdbye onelastgdbye 36-40, F 22 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Here I am again. We haven't had sex in months.

    We actually aren't married, but engaged, and I post on here because the feedback is better than the other groups. He never wants me. He gives kisses hello and goodbye and that's about it. We got into a fight because I got mad about the way he talks to me. He doesn't ever...
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    A sexless marriage is like a gift you are not

    allowed to unwrap! What is the point of giving me a gift if I can't enjoy it?
    chasingdreamss83 chasingdreamss83 31-35, M 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 54 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Reflections in a Mountain Stream They sit on

    a rock. It's a comfortable rock. Kissed by the August sun until it's just warm to the touch. And it's big enough for two, if they sit close. It's a special rock. It overlooks a calm pool at the edge of a stream, near a waterfall, but not so near the waterfall that the surface...
    RealtaReoite RealtaReoite 51-55, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I'm sure we all have read the story of the guy

    who emailed his wife a spreadsheet of his failed attempts at sexual advances. I've read more than a few articles on the story, mainly to read the comments, and I think it time we put to rest many assumptions about sexless marriages. Here is my list of sexless marriage...
    chuckdaly chuckdaly 36-40, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Its our anniversary. I was given a card

    and the gift of some spa appointments in the near future. Which is great. But what I need is not a gift, its physical touch. I completely forgot (legitimately truly forgot, no malice intended). Oops. I'd feel worse if he ever bothered to give me what I truly want (touch...
    CML2014 CML2014 41-45, F 10 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Is it true what they say-

    if you're not having sex, that person really isn't attracted to you anymore? Even if you are young and newly married? Is it possible for some men to not be as sexual as others? There is such an emphasis on males and their sexual drives, that I haven't heard much about men that...
    trailblazr80 trailblazr80 31-35, F 14 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Question to all my fellow iliasm members.

    If you could walk away from your marriage right now. No one gets hurt, no financial fallout, would you go?
    kflesh kflesh 46-50, F 25 Responses 1 hr ago

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    kimmmmmy kimmmmmy 41-45, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    These are just random thoughts of mine recently

    as I have gone about my journey. Probably not very clear, so apologies if its a rough read:) My divorce was absolutely the hardest part of my life journey. It started years ago when I got married. Did I know then that I was going to get divorced? Of course not, but without...
    Usernametbd Usernametbd 36-40, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I loved the thread about advice from trolls.

    What bad or impossible to follow advice have people gotten from their spouse/SO? My (least) favorite is that I need to try to initiate at just the right time if I ever expect the answer to be yes. Right, because even though I have never turned her down it is unimaginable...
    Butitsallovernow Butitsallovernow 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    8,156 to 1. If you are harbouring some

    thoughts of your ILIASM deal returning to, or magically morphing in to, the relationship you want, consider this. There are currently 48,935 members here. There are 6 credible members who have achieved the above. There's the math. 8,156 to 1. 0.01226% if you prefer. Tread...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 23 Responses 1 day ago

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    Does anyone else notice a sharp increase in

    people who are NOT in sexless marriages that are jumping in to tell us all what we are doing wrong? Is there a troll convention in town?
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 18 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    I have been here a while now.

    I have met wonderful people but also people so self involved people that they come here to gloat their spouse are horrible and you quickly realize that they are the problem In The marriage and a few weirdos. I need to admit my part in my SM even if it is admit I let it happen...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 29 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Before you get married ask yourself: is this

    the person you want to watch and stare at their phone the rest of your life?:D:D
    chasingdreamss83 chasingdreamss83 31-35, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    I am in my 30's & I have been living in this

    hell for almost 9 years! When we first started living together I always initiated the intimacy. We've only been intimate five [5] times in that 1st year. No matter how many times I try & discuss the issue, all he says is he'll try & change things & that he knows it's not fair to...
    Sindos Sindos 36-40, F 60 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Something changed in me this week.

    By Friday, I was sitting in a lawyer's office seeking advice on my entitlements and arrangements for child support, should I press the 'exit' button. I am somewhat surprised at myself, given my history as a 'stay and outsource' proponent (not generally, but for my particular...
    CalypsoAgain CalypsoAgain 31-35, F 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    You know I came to fully realize something this

    morning. My wife needs my love and support, she needs my protection, she needs to know I am here for her. But she does not need the intimacy I crave. She has tried for years to be "normal" and accept sex as a woman should. But because of the horrible way she was brought...
    Genertaylori Genertaylori 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Well. It is finally official.

    I am divorced! After all the craziness, after years of sexless marriage and emotional distance, after emotional and physical abuse, after having an affair and falling in love while still married, I am free. Considering the post title I should say that in my new relationship...
    unexpectedlove15 unexpectedlove15 26-30, F 7 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Officially 2 years now sleeping in separate

    rooms his choice not mine. When I try and get intimate with him he pushes me away. At this point I'm no longer attracted to him but I still love him.
    68bbw 68bbw 41-45, F 37 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 298 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    This morning I had stumbled into a bunch of

    those catch-22s that make this experience so crazy-making. This morning, she brought up sex and emotional intimacy, independently without being asked!... she started the conversation. Woh. Being willing to accept this as a shared challenge, to think about it on her own time...
    Homewaters Homewaters 36-40, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 36 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Okay, I have responded

    but never posted. I have been married for 18 years and it was good. The last six years have been rough. He was diagnosed with brain cancer 6 years ago. At the time we had a 5 year old and 8 week old. Prognosis was bleak. 6 years later he is beating the odds. I am so happy he is...
    mws70 mws70 41-45, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 134 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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