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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,903 People

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Jhbanana Jhbanana 26-30, F 49 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    So, here I am again. I just had to email the

    lawyer to have him served. He said he would sign, but so far hasn't. And when I emailed him asking if he had/would- I got scripture and some sentiments about where is my btit? UGH. This sucks. My parents are just... still absent, which is fine, but the silence is pregnant with...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    I just need to rant because I can't sleep.

    So I just had another TALK with him about all our problems, our sexless marriage, that I feel lonely in this relationship and that despite so many times we had the TALK about improving our relationship but nothing has changed. And his response was "I don't know what to say...
    surfiehall surfiehall 31-35, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    My W had some information

    and a question for me this morning. She informed me that an ED clinic had opened in a city about 15 miles from us. The center was advertising guaranteed results for $99. The ad also had a testimonial from an 88yr.old woman whose 92yr. old husband had the procedure and had been...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Well she brought it up tonight.

    The D word. We got in an argument not even in person but in texts and she says we need to talk about splitting up. Says we cant even work together on the most basic things without fighting about it. She says we're not even freinds. That kinda hurt. This whole thing hurts. Gonna...
    harleyman2169 harleyman2169 41-45, M 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Is anyone else having to "dig" to find ILIASM

    experiences? It's been days since new stories appeared in my feed? Feeling left out :(
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Someone needs to warn the girls.

    Everyone tells boys marriage is an undesirable trap, someone needs to tell the girls. I wish someone warned me. I choose celibacy. I have no desire for my spouse, he killed it with rejection years ago, I only now realized that even if the sex came back, I do not want it. I...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    So emotionally tired from many things

    and this complete lack of respect towards me by my refuser is keeping me angry all the time. I'm so tired I wish to fall asleep and have a heart attack and die. I struggle so much in life without this sexless relationship but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm trying to text with my left pointer finger

    so forgive any typos. The surgery went well. They gave me a pain block so yesterday I was quite numb on the right side. I'm on anti nausea meds to help me tolerate the Vicodin. So far so good. I have a six inch incision & a metal plate on my right outer arm bone. The cast is...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Child custody?! I have no idea how to do this

    part.. Anyone please share what you are doing or what I should do? Facts- we now live about 40 miles apart. We both work full-time. I work every other weekend. I want him to spend to spend time with his son..
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    My husband and I used to have a great sex life.

    Never missed a day. There was foreplay, kissing, and exploring of our bodies!! Fast forward to now and there nothing. Why is it that it starts out so good but ends so bad? Am I crazy to want it to last forever?
    jhoney21 jhoney21 31-35, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    Date Nite - The Big Picture Sunday caught

    me in a melancholy mood, but good hubby was back.  Or mostly back, as I did send the nurse a note thanking her for spending her evening with me.  I did not immediately get a reply.  Nothing about that occurred to me as unusual.   While continuing to work...
    mistery2me mistery2me 46-50, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Is it passive-aggressiveness?

    ? Every day or week I change my mental diagnosis of my husband. One week I'm convinced he's got a health problem and it's all physical and if only I could get him to the doctor. The next week, I'm convinced he's just a traumatized little boy in a man's body and I feel sorry for...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    14 years of marriage,

    18 years together and sex has never been a priority for my husband. He was sexually abused by a camp counselor as a child and that abuse has affected our relationship, I'm just not sure he realizes it. Previous relationships in my past have always been sexually satisfying. Now I...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie RaittTurn

    down the lights;Turn down the bed.Turn down these voicesInside my head.Lay down with me;Tell me no lies.Just hold me close;Don't patronize.Don't patronize me.[Chorus:]'Cuz I can't make you love meIf you don't.You can't make your heart feelSomething it won't.Here in the darkIn...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Alright fellow ILIASM'ers.

    It's Friday and I don't know about you but I am dreading the thought of being home this weekend with my refuser. She's barely spoken to me over the last 3 days and her anger and silent treatment are so difficult to be around. I can't wait to spend time with my daughters, but I...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 9 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Not sure where to start

    or if this is the best place to... Let me start by saying I'm not looking to be unfaithful. Hubby and I have been together 22yrs. Somewhere down the line, he visibly has lost respect for me and won't kiss me. I'm not sure what's gone wrong. I feel as though it's something I've...
    Lauren246 Lauren246 36-40, F 11 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    After 13 years of marriage,

    1 wonderful child, and 4 agonizing years of denial. frustration, and longing, I have finally reached the limit of my tether in this spacewalk of what is supposed to be "normal" life, and have to decide whether to reel myself back to the burning space station or to cut the line...
    MrFurious MrFurious 51-55, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    Someone needs to warn the girls.

    Everyone tells boys marriage is an undesirable trap, someone needs to tell the girls. I wish someone warned me. I choose celibacy. I have no desire for my spouse, he killed it with rejection years ago, I only now realized that even if the sex came back, I do not want it. I...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So, a question for everyone.

    I message with a few of the ladies here on EP. I consistently hear from them that any time they post a message in the Sexless Marriage or Unhappy Marriage forums they get at least six to ten messages from guys offering them sex or sending them pictures of their wiener. This...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 28 Responses 2 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 147 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    My son had his 16th birthday this week.

    He was born at 1:04 pm, so on Tuesday, shortly after 1:00, my wife sent me a text: Remember what we were doing at 1:00 pm 16 years ago? I remember, and seeing my son born was amazing, but to confess, my mind also wandered back to what we were doing 9 months prior to my son...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 46-50, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I don't trust you. Not in the cheating way,

    but I don't trust how you might react or influence our son when I walk out the door. I don't trust you to remain a loving mother when you're left with all the responsibility of being a mother.
    Lovefetishes Lovefetishes 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Taking the steps from being "we" focused to

    "me" focused didn't come easy. It wasn't natural...but now that I've accomplished it, i feel like a fresh new me. Or like the old me, before I gave up me...to work on we. A we that was just a mirage, created with smoke and mirrors. It's interesting to see how the avoidant...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Husband and I continue to experience growth

    together as a couple. For those who are new to my stories: my marriage dwindled in the sex department for some years, until we hit a period of two solid years with NO intimacy whatsoever (nor emotional connection), in which he specifically said he didn't think sex was important...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 5 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I would be embarrassed

    if anyone caught me doing this but when I'm just so discouraged about life that I can't think about anything else, I will play all my sad woe-is-me songs and sing them loud in my car and cry and purge out all of those horrible crappy emotions that I'm tired of having. Do you do...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 47 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I'm so tired of jacking off its crazy,

    I work at night so when I get off she's sleeping f#ckkkkk! It's frustrating!
    1handsomeMan29 1handsomeMan29 26-30, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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