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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,949 People

    My STBX and I just had a break thru.

    He said, "how can I have sex with you when I'm angry 24/7 365 days a year." That anger turns into resentment which turns into contempt and it's called abusive anger. That's why he's treated me like a piece of ****. He's used his anger as a tool to feel powerful and control...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 7 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    My H just told me this morning

    that he'd practiced anal sex with his ex-wife. I was shocked. I found it disgusting. Am I the only one left on Earth who longs for the true physical connection of the two soulmates? I mean when we are really close to each other, eyes to eyes, whispering sweets words, kissing...
    coincee coincee 31-35, F 20 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    That first step. Can I do it?

    If I can get myself to really accept that wanting/needing sexis a normal human desire. Its been 26 mths and the need to feel someone elses body with mine is not something I want to live the rest of my life without. i got married feeling that would insure this. I see myself...
    onlylonely13 onlylonely13 51-55, F 5 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Did you know anger is a contributing factor the

    depressive illness in the other spouse?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I wouldn't want to live in a sexless marriage,

    if I did id make sure me & my partner were on the same page.. I'd make sure we have time to have our alone time, but even then I'd bust out random bj's in the car, while he's watching tv .. Anywhere I wouldn't want us to be bored of each other that's for sure ...
    darx75 darx75 18-21, F 14 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    100% truth in this article.

    Might only be true for the husband refusers. What do you think? http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_sex.htm
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Lurkers first post: It feels

    so inescapable. I no longer want to want it. I feel like an ungrateful fool every time I get desperate enough to ask. Often I joke about it to hide the pain of another rejection. I feel black crushing waves of hopelessness anger every time I read another book or hear more...
    jkl1138 jkl1138 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    This article might be useful

    for those who plan to --for the sake of the children -- stay in loveless, sexless marriages. "Marriage is changing in so many ways these days and the rigid paradigm of Ozzie and Harriet is going by the wayside at breakneck speeds. People are beginning to realize that they...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    What kind of sadist invented marriage?

    I think any male-female relationship is problematic because of nature and the ways we are socialized differently. But at least if you're just dating you can move along when things go south and the relationship's problems don't have to expand into becoming your own private...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    12 signs it's time to move on from a

    relationship Which ones speak to you the most? Are you ignoring the signs? How do you know when enough is enough? What's the absolute deal-breaker on this list? Which one can you tolerate?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    A month ago I suggested to H

    that we have counselling. Less than a week later we had an initial session- whilst I asked for it, to understand each other's position and work on the sexlessness issue with someone impartial....I was still very nervous. We waited 3 weeks and they just called to offer us...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Never thought it would happen

    but now I've been looking at other woman navy se get nothing at the moment driving me crazy?! ;(
    kikthegoodguy11 kikthegoodguy11 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Mrbeach99 Mrbeach99 36-40, M 3 hrs ago

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    H left the house two weeks ago

    and I'm meeting with attorney #2 this morning. H decided to show up yesterday and take the dogs for a walk. While I love being in my home I will need to prepare to leave. Random drop-ins are very stressful. H is pleading with my family to intervene on his behalf, and brings up...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I recently learned that my wife had an affair

    back when we were dating (10 years ago) although it was a shock I can live with the fact that it happened, she was nothing more than GF.... What kills me is that they never lost touch and remained friends all this time, I'm 95% sure that following the affair it was strictly...
    mike37yyz mike37yyz 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I worry so much about my youngest son.

    He's the one who is most like me, who is the most giving, loving person you will ever meet. When I say he's the most like me, I mean he will give too much of himself, to the point of being used and abused. I am watching him falling in love with this young woman. She's beautiful...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 148 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I've really been digging deep

    and processing my thoughts on my marriage. The inability to make that first step.....Is paralyzingly. It seems, I'm in constant distress, "Do I leave or stay". I find myself weighing out all the "Pros and Cons", often. I usually get the same answer- each time I perform that...
    Paris46 Paris46 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's the one word that comes to mind

    when thinking about your sexless marriage?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 47 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am posting here again,

    partly to put some thoughts down on virtual paper and partly to see what others think. Comments and suggestions are very welcome. We have had sex exactly once in November. Before that, we had sex a few times in August. Before that was May. My 22 year old daughter dropped...
    Yachtdiver Yachtdiver 46-50, M 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I am now 27 and he is 39.

    After years I'm back and its the same story to a different tune. He no longer shouts and screams at me and he hasn't laid a finger on me in anger since that day. I've lost weight and am now back to size 8, I finished University and have been working full time, passed my...
    unyummymummy unyummymummy 26-30, F 5 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    It has been a long time

    since I posted. I am still with the same man in the same situation. I left last Dec for a few weeks and he begged me back. He said he became lazy and working third shift was hard because he was always so tired. During the time I was living with a relative to take a break to...
    Lackoflust Lackoflust 31-35, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Going dark for a while again,

    wife's next hip surgery is in a week (12/2). Short update: things are great, everyone in the house healthy again and wife made up for the drought last week multiple times this week so far. Going into the holiday season thankful for what I have gained and hoping to hang onto...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Any women that live in a sexless marriage want

    to chat with a hung and horny 24 year old message me.
    zackthebull zackthebull 22-25, M 17 mins ago

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