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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,009 People

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 45 Responses 3 days ago

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    As is typical, last night

    when I came to bed she was asleep. I snuggled up beside her and even in her sleep she pushed me away, even her subconscious mind wants to have nothing to do with me
    happyhayseed happyhayseed 56-60, M 11 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    So my wife is asexual.

    Wasn't always that way. She was sexual when she was young and hormones raged, when we first got together and it was fresh and when she wanted to get pregnant. But now sexuality serves no purpose for her. I can accept that. But I can't accept denying my own sexuality. Leaving my...
    Butitsallovernow Butitsallovernow 46-50, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Update: I have been working on being nice.

    God what a chore! Jk! So far so good H has initiated sex weekly. Yesterday he also swept and mopped the floor and offered to do the dishes!!! I am on to something here!!
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    A bit of a rant?... another one of those days

    where I need to get the thoughts out there somewhere! My refuser starts to see a psychiatrist tonight. The reason being is our insurance will not continue to cover his suboxone prescription without him being under the care of a counselor so rather than spending the money out...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 7 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Things have been much better on most other

    fronts ( we have other problems not just SM). He has a great job now! Awesome job and he is happy! It's an adjustment that I have been happy to accommodate. He comes home and for the most part, is an active participant in the family dynamic - too many positive points here to...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Interesting turn of events.

    Took my sex refusing wife on a short holiday to the coast for antique shopping. In one of the shops we encountered a very friendly female shopkeeper who I found quite attractive. I could sense her interest and the conversation between the shop owner and I became a bit flirty...
    roastedacorn roastedacorn 51-55, M 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    mcgsupreme mcgsupreme 18-21, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 18 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 141 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I've been trying to figure out

    for weeks now... Confessed about my feelings for another man to my boyfriend and of course he is devastated. He says he will do whatever it takes to change anything in our relationship in order to not lose me. I feel like I don't want to lose either of them. On one side, there...
    wantingtobehappy84 wantingtobehappy84 22-25, F 7 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Post card from single land We often talk

    about the benefits of leaving a SM in terms of being able to engage intimately with someone, ie, opposite land. Nearly six months into living separately I want to talk about the benefits of being single- as opposed to being alone within a dysfunctional marriage. Benefit...
    faerylight faerylight 41-45, F 29 Responses Jun 17

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    Push, Push, Push … That is the main

    instruction for childbirth according to the Starfleet manual (see TNG episode “Disaster”, when Worf helps Keiko give birth). It is also my ongoing mantra for executing a divorce – the birth of my new life. Right from the start, I had to do all the pushing to get things...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    H asked me to come to bed last night,

    to cuddle. I agreed, with the stipulation that he cuddle me, which he did. He fussed because I didn't remove my clothes. Sorry, but that would have made me feel too exposed, too vulnerable, to someone who has repeatedly rejected me & made me feel worthless. His kisses are...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 5 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Question: is your Refuser generally happy

    or miserable? My wife and I have fixed our problems for the most part and our sex is still fairly frequent albeit predictable (that is for another story/question) but what I do notice is that she no matter how much things improve in our lives she is not happy. When things are...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 20 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Hi, not been active on here

    for a while but been reading again recently. Not a lot new to add to my situation but just feel like I need to write a bit more about it. During the Summer Holidays, it was our 6th wedding anniversary. I had been wondering whether to get a card and what to say in it, as I...
    copperdoodle copperdoodle 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    He took the only charger to my iPod

    which I have to use for work. He went out of town. I am left to scramble for money to pay for bills while he works and sleeps in a hotel. I clean I cook I drive kids around I work I go to school. Why would he take the only charger I have? I can't afford the extra cash for...
    ijustneedtoletitout ijustneedtoletitout 31-35, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    When is this hurt & suffering in my loveless

    marriage going to end....I can't remember the last time I felt really loved, & wanted & desired & happy, all I feel is pain, rejection, sadness, & emptiness, it's like a knife is permanently stuck & twisted into my heart, when my husband never wants to kiss or cuddle or make...
    soulmate2014 soulmate2014 41-45, F 16 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    It's 3 am and I have class in 7 hours.

    Laying in bed alone for the 5th night in a row makes me reflect on my marriage. It's been this way for years and it's so lonely living with him. I think, on average, we spend less than 1 full hour together each day. And I wouldn't even consider that less than an hour "quality...
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 4 Responses 25 mins ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3

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    So I'm onsite this week

    for work and staying at a hotel. Of course I get woke up at 2:30am by a drunk couple talking loudly in the hallway and slamming their door. Later I am just about back to sleep when I am once again woke up. This time I can hear rhythmic noises, groaning, moaning, panting, and...
    weather1 weather1 46-50 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    It feels like in the past 10 years our queen

    size bed has grown to twice the size and there's now a big canyon in the middle.
    happyhayseed happyhayseed 56-60, M 6 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Well, today is officially the last day I can say

    that I live in a Sexless Marriage. At 9am PST, my attorney will appear in front of a judge to have the divorce approved & signed. I should be happy, should be relieved, a sense of freedom restored and a new found lust for life. So why the tears? I know this is what needs to...
    4hopefloats 4hopefloats 41-45, F 18 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Really like this quote

    and it's so true!! Have a good day everyone ❤️
    evie36 evie36 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Telling him what I've decided turned out to be

    the easiest thing I had ever done. The days, weeks, months until this is really over and I don't share the same space with him anymore - that is going to be the most terrifying thing. As I had anticipated, he's going through all the array of emotions - angry, crying, begging...
    TheMaverickWoman TheMaverickWoman 36-40, F 32 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I have been married for 24 years

    and probably about 20 have been relatively sexless. My W and I had a fight on Sunday, I slept on the coach on Monday (my choice), and had yet another talk last night. I asked why sex was such an issue that it was worth risking our marriage. We are best friends with two kids...
    RestonLonely RestonLonely 46-50, M 12 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I dont....but....we just had a male audience in

    watching her stupidity--- the reviews: she's just agenda, manipulative and its best he keep her at arms length and live his life.
    iamsohappy iamsohappy 46-50, F 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Hell, Pure Hell. Yesterday she's wearing

    panties, I say "Damn girl you look good and I have fries with that shake". She goes takes a shower comes out in a towel and I ask can I get to watch you get dress. She tells me no! I want privacy. I ask her what's wrong with you, she says I'm not interested in sex, I'm focusing...
    sufferin4life sufferin4life 41-45, M 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 41 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    well you know today was the doctors appointment

    that he promised to attend.  Indeed he did with me acting the most supportive I could.  Things have got bad in the bast few days, his anxiety way high all stemming from his work, the reason he believes sex is not happening, well I have heard yes that anxiety can cause...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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