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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,714 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I used to...I tried sharing my experience been

    forever since I wrote here of my fears......it wasn't allowed to post. I even bleeped out the bad word, ..... Cmon a 4 yr old can find visuals on a Google search too graphic for adults but I share how I feel in a way you can "feel" and it gets pulled?? Where can I find a...
    showmethelove showmethelove 41-45, F 3 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I'm going to a therapist tomorrow on my own.

    I'm realizing how depressed I've become since learning about my wife's intimacy aversion. the more I try the more I realize the true problem. she's intimate averse. I can't fix her. I decided to fix me instead. I'm planning to get some insight and start working on a plan...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    How much time do you waste thinking about your

    SM, posting and reading here, and generally wasting time, energy, and brain cells that should be devoted to something else? It just occurred to me today this occupies an absurd amount of my resources, eapecially lately. Edited: Thinking about the sexless marriage (and...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 15 Responses 4 days ago

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    EDIT - This is one of the stupidest,

    drunkest posts ever. I woke up this morning with every intention of deleting it, but decided to keep it up as a reminder of how ridiculous I am when I drink. And, the comments were somewhat valuable. Carry on. **** I tell my cousin My cousin is my age. She is only my...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Another interesting read

    and may be a good thing for some or all of us to think about :). I realize this may not have been written for people in long term marriages/relationships, but it still has value. http://elitedaily.com/dating/keep-dating-emotionally-unavailable-people/975470/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    The pregnancy hormones continue to drive me

    wild. He continues to ignore me. Completely. It's awful. I feel so sad and repulsive. I love being pregnant, everyone says I look fantastic, but I am so lonely! Sorry just needed to have a moan somewhere. :(
    Waterlanding Waterlanding 31-35, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    I am not interested in sex with my husband at

    all. We disagree on everything and nothing is going well, but he still wants intercourse - well it doesn't work that way!
    wfewfe wfewfe 31-35, F 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    I hate California Family Law.

    My soon to be ex refuser (5 years sexless) sat on her *** for 12 of our 20 and did no cooking, no cleaning, and was not a good role model for our 19 y/o daughter. The sad thing is this lazy person is entitled to half of everything and then I have to pay alimony for an...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    So for those of you keeping up with my story,

    thank you for the time and attention. Your help and comments are always welcome. This site has given me a valuable resource as a sounding board to work a lot of things out. -- I have been asked on the forum and in a number of PMs this question: What are you going to do...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Disire. Very simple word,

    but holds a different meaning for people depending on their wants, their needs. The poor man disires money. The child disires to have all the toys in the world. A womans disire to have a child. A husband disire for his wife. A wifes disire to feel wanted, needed. I disire to be...
    sbh08252012 sbh08252012 22-25, F 2 Responses 35 mins ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I haven't had sex with my wife sine September

    of last year she says she's not attracted to me anymore .we can't afford to split and I don't want my kids to suffer. I'm losing my self confidence in the process and feel hopeless . Should I leave or cheat any thoughts ?
    SeanPHung77 SeanPHung77 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 155 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    My dilemma is guilt. She is legal blind,

    broken hip and diabetic. Do feel for her and at times she can be half decent. I would have a lot of guilt leaving her in this situation. I have to also consider my needs. I going crazy living like this. I'm a good man and don't want to cause suffering. The only problem I'm...
    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    I have been married 12 years

    and stopped having sex with my husband 2 yrs ago. We always used to have a good sex life but for some reason which is beyond me we haven't had any hot times lately. I'm going insane with sexual frustration and have even thought of cheating because my hormones have had enough and...
    BMoreno79 BMoreno79 31-35, F 62 Responses Mar 5, 2014

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    Does anyone feel like they are not married?

    I do. My wife never touches me or participates in any kind of intimacy. We are really just room mates. Does anyone else feel the same way?
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 6 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Why do I continue to play hide

    and seek. I know my past. I know the events that shaped my sexless marriage from day one. I heard not tonight, I’m too tired, just hurry up and get it over with thousands of times in those first seven years of my marriage. I remember the words that finally ended my attempts...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Watched 'Ordinary lives' on BBC1 tonight.

    Bit too close to home except I'm not outsourcing! Before I joined this forum I felt as though I was the only person living this kind of marriage. Now they're making TV dramas about it!!!
    evie43 evie43 41-45, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Chronic illness has destroyed any chance of sex

    in our marriage. 8 years ago my wife was diagnosed with a version of muscular dystrophy, it makes her muscles very sore and weak, and she tires quickly. We're both fairly young, early 40s. It wasn't supposed to go like this. You never think that one day you'll just stop having...
    02K30 02K30 41-45, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 556 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 80 Responses Feb 9

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    My daughter & I always been very close,

    but lately she been a little indifferent. she left 2 college last august & she coming down next month, but she not calling me as much or texting me as much?? Maybe is cause our divorce she says it was fine, but maybe she not fine about it? Last week she text me & call me lots...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Ah, so seeing someone else chase me right in

    front of him is what it takes... Got it. Now this is more like it!
    starcatcher13 starcatcher13 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I've been married for 12 years

    and the last 2-3 have basically been sexless. We manage to have sex maybe 4-5 times a year. The sad part is I still completely and utterly love her but I'm so frustrated about the lack of sex. At this point in my life I'm not even asking for it weekly, I'd be content with every...
    delvoy delvoy 46-50, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 36 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I'm in this for 5 years now.

    And I've realized, a woman can live without sex but she feels empty in the long run without someone taking good care of her especially when kids become grown ups and have their own lives.
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    PART 2 So I survived another month in a

    sexless marriage, and will do so for the next 3 weeks. How do I know? based on historical trend and data. When it happened, it was always around the 4 - 5 days of the same time of the month. Yes you guessed it right. She will be ovulating and her testosterones levels will be...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Will see how my mini- blow up goes.

    Typical sleepless night of me tossing about and she, 'sleeping' complains. Start to pack my pillow and she asks, "What did I do". Just told her it's about what she doesn't do. I say I didn't sign up for celibacy. I'm not 80 years old, and I want to move to the other bedroom...
    GodfatherJM GodfatherJM 36-40, M 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 78 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    showmethelove showmethelove 41-45, F 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

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