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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,758 People

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    This is hard.. We are away on what I was truly

    hoping would be a romantic getaway .. We have been married for 9 months and he still won't be intimate with me. I take care of myself .. I work out, take care of my body and I am very feminine .. I have always been told I am pretty and sexy.. But why does my husband refuse to...
    v636 v636 41-45, F 4 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    My husband is gone out of town,

    recently he's been all touchy and wanting to cuddle etc. Unfortunately my body doesn't react to that anymore. He traveled yesterday and I went to see him off, and at the station when I said goodbye and hugged him, he started kissing me passionately. I had this reflex "wtf...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 16 Responses 4 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I wish I had a wife who enjoyed life

    and not work. I'm so lonely. I need a lover
    Parkwalker Parkwalker 56-60, M 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    How does this group differentiate between a

    sexless marriage based upon refusal and one based upon one partner's disinterest? I ask because I don't have a refuser, per say, but rather a spouse who has never had an interest in an intimate, passionate, sexual relationship with me. We have physical contact 3-5 times per...
    adbs1490 adbs1490 36-40, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband is addicted to painkillers

    and antidepressants. He has decided to take 14 pills at one time (3 different -- sleeping pills, xanax, gaba) to make him sleep... He has been doing this for years and I'm so scared that he's going to suddenly die -- he's a ticking time bomb. How can I get him to stop or agree...
    auriga8 auriga8 22-25, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    I want out. I really do.

    I cannot feel anything. After discovering the affairs in September, he decided to increase our sexual frequency and I feel so numb. Gotta give him credit for trying. But the deal is, that thing that died during the 5 and a half years of sexless marriage, it is not coming...
    EinEngel15 EinEngel15 46-50, F 9 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Update #_______ from Smithy's World yesterday

    morning, the X delivered a copy of the court's decision to me after a meeting at dd's dance studio. all counts of the X's motion denied. notable sentence from the judge: "The Defendant's Motion reeks of nefarious motives." there was much language by the judge in his reasons...
    smithy8015 smithy8015 46-50, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Another refuser story.

    .. Useless columnist advice, but as usual many comments are very good... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3036012/Rowan-Pelling-s-sex-column-Help-don-t-desire-husband.html#comments
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 2 days ago

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    Don’t Give Up Blinded by the darkness within

    me I have hidden myself away Leaving myself in an undiscovered byway as people travel past Waiting and wanting to be discovered and hoping to be cherished Time passes and eventually the realization comes home to roost Love never comes if you wait for it in a hidden away empty...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    I don't know if yall can relate.

    .. But here it goes Before my guy deployed I had a lot going on, I lost my grandmother, my little sister was leaving for boot camp, my other sister and her husband and children were having money problems, I was job searching, I'm heavily in debt with school loans... Plus his...
    Bambieye Bambieye 22-25, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Below are the three things

    which are helping me cope during the hardest part so far (actually carrying through with what needs to happen, leaving), which I never would have guessed before experiencing it. In case it helps any fellow sufferers: Meditation is amazing. [I also have a growing (fully legal...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    No more tears. I hate my refuser with a fiery

    passion. I hate him so much I can't see straight.
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    Last night I told hubby

    that I was very much in the mood. This was responded to with a groan and him saying he was tired. He actually then told me to sort myself out! He said he didn't mind!! I told him I felt a little strange doing that while he was still awake. He rolled over facing away from me and...
    CallieB CallieB 36-40, F 21 Responses 5 days ago

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    We only have sex if I ask

    for it, or in weekends if I push real hard for it. He almost never initiates...He's 10 years older than me. He said his libido is not what it used to. But I want more sex and more often- without having to ask or beg for it all the time! I have a good body and I consider myself a...
    Reihino27 Reihino27 26-30, F 7 Responses 5 days ago

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    I couldn't be happier.

    We went for mediation tonight and basically expressed everything we already agreed on. We wanted a third party to agree that it was fair and what we are entitled to. It went as well as expected. I'm happy, he's happy and we can start the process to move on. We are filing for...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    My brother, my sister We have all been through

    every miserable experience - to some degree - as everyone else. What makes "so-and-so's different?" When you pare it down? Nothing. We are all the same to differing degrees. My new client is getting a divorce. That is all I knew. She is amazing and sweet. I asked her...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    How's everyone's kids doing (regardless of

    whether you stayed or left)? I'll be honest. I want out of this marriage. If we didn't have kids, I'd already be gone. It's just not working. I ultimately want to do what's best for the kids. Our marriage isn't a nightmare but it's not good either. The intimacy though...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    What qualifies one for saying this?

    Once a week, once a month, once a year, or longer? What's your experience like?
    down2die down2die 26-30, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 21 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I live in a loveless sexless marriage.

    Twenty years wasted only good thing is my child. I've begged, pleaded, screamed, and cried to him WHY. Why are you making me live this way. I think he gets off on my misery I want to hurt him like he has hurt me but he is a heartless monster. Only the bottle comforts him the...
    RavenV180 RavenV180 36-40, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    It's sad when after so may years together

    and you feel like strangers in bed. It's always been about her and I've felt left out. For years that didn't bother me I've always been eager to please but I feel no connection. It has become a chore and it shouldn't be this way. We have gone over a year without any sex but 5-6...
    jaymic64 jaymic64 51-55, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Hopefully this is not farewell forever.

    But, just in case. To all my EP peeps, including the ones who think I've lost my mind. Chances are you all may have been on to something. I am going in for a brain MRI on the 22nd. I have mysteriously developed tingling and numbness sensations in my left arm, left face and...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    So is been a hard week,

    but is almost over & another wknd is here ! Well i sign my lease 1bedroom cute tiny apartment 2day i pick-up the keys friday & move in.. Not going 2 lie i miss my house & my husband & my dog.. Will b sleeping in an inflated bed friday til my husband brings all my stuff saturday...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 79 Responses Feb 9

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    First night by myself & my Litt dog @ my

    apartment husband was here helped bring some furniture & i got very emotional when he was geting ready to go i started crying & he started crying & we hug & cry:,( we need to get used 2 it ! 30yrs is a lifetime! Today i feel like last sunday when i left !
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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