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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,367 People

    My wife and stopped having sex

    when I was diagnosed with CHF. We've actually gotten closer because now we just talk and listen.
    DADNSCAL DADNSCAL 61-65, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    d0uggy d0uggy 36-40, M 5 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    The title to this article smacked me in the

    face. It's always nice to see sexless marriage discussed anywhere in addition to here. The comments are the interesting part to me, gratifying to see how many people understand sexless marriage is not ok. http://www.xojane.com/janes-stuff/wwjd-advice-on-sexless-marriage
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I'm beginning to wonder

    if Exp Pro is the right place for me. More & more frequently I feel misunderstood. There are unhappy people who are just so miserable in their own lives that it seems they wait for an opportunity to bring conflict into a thread. You write a positive, supportive remark & it gets...
    xxLionessxx xxLionessxx 36-40, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Married for 15 years now

    and now, I am lucky if I get it once a month. Then it lasts about 10 min. I have to take care of myself to get any relieef. So sad.
    prettyprincess1 prettyprincess1 41-45, F 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Hey I've been married

    for 5 years and the sex has deteriorated to almost none existent. Is this a normal thing or is there something that can be done about it. ?
    yeaboi87 yeaboi87 26-30, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Varment64 Varment64 46-50, F 11 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Have you ever wondered

    if your refuser spouse sees you as the refuser? Are you in a situation where both of you are waiting for the other to make the first move? Do you think your refuser spouse thinks (or maybe s/he is actually saying it to you outright) that you are not being sexy or seductive...
    MrSTF MrSTF 36-40, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hello, dear ILIASM friends.

    It's been some time since I last posted, and I figured I should peek in and leave a status update. Husband and I continue the improvement of our intimacy. It keeps getting better and better. I've noticed that our sex life seems to improve along with our relationship skills and...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Does anybody have advice on divorcing

    while your kids are young? I'm rationalizing that this is the only thing keeping me from leaving. I've been in a sexless marriage for about 6 years & married for 14. The sex has never been as frequent as I would like, but it's down to a 6-8 times a year ever since we became...
    Westtexan Westtexan 36-40, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    It seems cruel and unusual punishment

    that the one time hubby decides to make a move is when it's the wrong time of the month for me!! Not that it particularly worried me, but once he discovered that fact, it was all off! Disappointing, it would have helped immensely with the cramps ;)
    CallieB874 CallieB874 36-40, F 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wish I could find a woman that's discreet

    and likes to be exotic with a lot of sex appeal someone I can hold and caress and just make her feel so wet
    stewballsrbig stewballsrbig 46-50, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    lewismoore7 lewismoore7 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    This isn't an experience this is advice !

    Talk to your partners my friend recently split with her husband of 20 years and they both found out that they were feeling the same way!!! Talk talk talk !
    SunnySeaside SunnySeaside 26-30, F 16 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    It's amazing what a little sex will do.

    ..I wrote stories in the last few days lamenting my months long dry spell of sex and my desperation to the point of being tempted to do a FWB if the right situation presented itself. Well the other night my husband initiated sex and then I got some the next night too. He said...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    My husband and I have been together 11 years,

    but married almost one. Our anniversary is 2/15. Anyhow, I just had a baby in September, but during that pregnancy we drifted apart. He wouldn't have sex with me because he said he was afraid he'd hurt me or the baby. I explained that it wouldn't hurt anyone and even gave him...
    ju1984 ju1984 26-30, F 18 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 38 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Was at the store yesterday

    and saw a couple probably in their 60's both attractive. They were giggling and hugging and kissing when they thought nobody was looking. Found myself wondering if they are a new fling or married. You could tell they had real passion for each other. I was so happy for them and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    **UPDATE** My husband has been proactively

    trying to reconnect without any coercing from me. We had 1 session as his drug counseling therapist together last month and it was like something just snapped into place. Last month he started asking me to sleep naked with him again and that he missed that closeness. Then he...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    How many of you have not had sex

    or any intimate contact with your spouse in over a year? I can not remember the last time I had any intimate contact with my spouse.
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 11 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    I wouldn't call it a sexless marriage we are

    starting to play with male chastity
    Endzoner Endzoner 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Update: Still on track.

    Some added things, we went out and she almost forced me to buy myself not one but two pairs of shoes to replace mone which were many years old, tried to force me to by myself new jeans to replace my torn pairs. ( I only pushed back because I still have 16lbs to lose prior to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 9 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    "Being turned off by your spouse,

    " tonight on Margaret Cho's new TLC show All About Sex. I for one relate and will be watching avidly.
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Does your refuser refuse to hold hands in public

    or other displays of affection? Today I took my family roller skating and I reached out to hold my wife's hand and she pulled it away, muttering under her breath, I'm not sixteen! Whatever.
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 28 Responses 2 days ago

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    First steps? I have a 17 year marriage

    that was mostly sexless and regulated by my wife to once a month since our honeymoon. There are many issues at play in our marriage as reasons for why this is so. Much of it is in how our relationship has evolved or not evolved. We are both guilty in how we treated each other...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    Well the season of giving has come

    and gone. Christmas felt as low as I could get. If sex was to happen surely with the magic of Christmas I could make it happen. WRONG! Wifey tells me that she and a freind have volunteered to deliver a cat to a family for Christmas for the local Spca. So she has to go out. Well...
    harleyman2169 harleyman2169 41-45, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    I spoke to my ex husband today

    as to why he would never initiate sex with me. He explained that he has always had assertiveness issues. This is on top of his health issues and everything else that contributed to the demise of our marriage. I made a choice. I could have waited it out for him to "fix" himself...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    i give up , im raising the white flag ,

    im not going to fight the battle anymore , i have tried everything and anything , every self help , every nice thing to say , every nice thing to do , ive tried being spontaneous , i cant do anything more , my wife must just have ZERO percent attraction to me , sex 1 time in...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 152 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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