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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,402 People

    Soooo, It's been a while sine I've been on EP.

    I thought I'd give an update. We DID go for his appointment. I decided to stay in the waiting room so that he could be more open with his doctor. The whole wait was about 2 hours, but I'm not complaining AT ALL! Afterwards, we even went out on a "hot date" (that's what I always...
    beentoolongLily beentoolongLily 46-50, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have a question for those with children.

    Since I had our baby, I have no libido at all. It's very very hard on my husband, he's been patient and we've really tried everything to get me more in the mood, but the breastfeeding hormones make it pretty much impossible. I've heard some people say sex is never the same...
    ShadowHowl ShadowHowl 18-21 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Amazing day today. Our first couples therapy

    session was very productive...gist of it is that we are still unsure of each other and need to rebuild trust. Therapist gave us homework to reassure each other when we sense the other is uncertain, and to ask and answer with honesty whenever we see the other is upset and to...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    How do people find the secrecy

    that comes with a non-intimate husband? I feel I should be loyal and not discuss it (apart from with my closest friends) but at times it feels like I'm perpetuating a sham. Am I happy? Not really... Why not? And I can't say too much.... (So I just smile and don't share)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I dated my husband on

    and off since my teens. We've now been married for four years. I have not had sex with him since our daughter, our second child, was conceived. I know from having our son that he isn't much interested in intimacy during pregnancy, but now, my daughter has just turned one and he...
    shesamuva shesamuva 31-35, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    i find myself listening to Ryan Adams new CD ,

    if that is still what they are called these days , over and over , and over , its like he is telling the story of my life , every song is about heartache and heartbreak , the agony of love , the pain , the i love yous and the F-you's , the whole thing is like somebody ripped the...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 9 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Tomorrow is a big day

    for me. It was Halloween night - 15 years ago - that I last had sex with my husband. I remember it like it was yesterday...he had to drink a six pack just to get through it. He was on top of me for less than 5 minutes...didn't even kiss me. I couldn't even look at him. I spent a...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 19 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 49 Responses Sep 28

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I have lived in a sexless marriage (I mean zero)

    for at least 7 years, that's when the expiration date on the unopened Cialis box was. I don't know how long they are good for, so add that to 7. That is not the only long drought we have had. We've been married 38 years now. He is an extremely nice man. He is a wonderful...
    lollalee lollalee 61-65, F 14 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    We have not had sex,

    or been intimate since our 10th anniversary, over four years ago.
    wwlee4411 wwlee4411 66-70, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Hey group. I'm having a tough time following my

    divorce bc of how my x ruined my credit. It is literally affecting my ability to find a decent job during banking hrs which is all I can work being a single mom with no help and having a special needs kid (and another kid) and all the rejection really stings! I am so god damned...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Update: So again last night we got in from

    her picking me up at work (after my workout) I had a shower and she got on her laptop. So I went to bed (3 nights if her playing the sims until 1am) I've gone 3 days without self management of my sex life (not often I do that) I haven't mad a move towards her not have I been...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 5 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    From HuffPost Divorce:The Problem with Staying

    Together for the Kids Mom and dad don't like each other. They don't make small talk. They don't chuckle about last night's episode of The Cosby Show. They don't even acknowledge each other's birthdays. The dinner table discussion is strictly kids-to-parents, never parent-to...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 13 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    A marriage without sex

    and intimacy is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. It's like torture. Sleeping alone night after night... Sometimes I think marriage is a waste of life
    Truelove4me Truelove4me 36-40, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 146 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Exactly two weeks from today,

    I have the first obligatory court hearing. Last week, I was away and in the meantime he had been talking to my sisters, my brother in law, and my son as well, desperately trying to coerce them to talk me out of this. Last night my son wanted to talk to me. His father had...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Most of the time we write

    and respond to sad stories, we must sound like such a bunch of miserable people so lets have a little fun today tell a RECENT story made you really happy or had you laughing your head off. I thought of this as this just happened to me a few minutes ago and suspect it feels good...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Well, after a four year hiatus,

    I'm back in this group. I was on EP years ago when I was at the 3 year mark of no intimacy in my marriage. After about two years of trying to make the marriage work I decided to separate and divorce. I saw on EP that re-conciliation was very very rare for sexless marriages. I...
    caminova caminova 46-50, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    OMG.. I still feel for my H.

    .. Winter is coming, the temperature is started going down. Last night before sleep, H hugged me from behind at the bed, H brushed my knee slowly, it is nice sensation but I pushed him off as I don't want to go any further to get any rejection.
    Missberry73 Missberry73 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Unsatisfiedwoman74 Unsatisfiedwoman74 36-40, F 26 Responses 1 day ago

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    So H ordered the benefits package from work

    and it came in today. He showed me where I'm down as the beneficiary on his pension package. The only bad thing is, if he cannot collect the package in total at retirement age (62) and has to go with monthly payments, if anything happens to him then I only get half. It's the...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I just want to tell everyone Happy Halloween.

    After the trick or treaters have come and gone the loneliness will start setting in. Why is it worse at the holidays? Tonight marks 2 years of no sex, hugs, cuddling or any type pf intimacy. Well, I hope you guys find tonight to be awesome. Thanks to all you guys for being...
    onlylonely13 onlylonely13 51-55, F 9 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Happy halloween, everyone!

    Although in ILIASM, Valentine's Day is truly the scariest and most dreaded holiday of all! (Hoping for changes this coming year!) So, what would be your ISIASM costume? I guess if you've read my posts, you would understand that I would be Charlie Brown and my wife would be...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    How do you tell your spouse

    that their efforts are too little too late? Things have not been wonderful for a long time. I gave up on trying sex because of the countless nights of rejection. He threatens divorce on a weekly basis in a fit of rage. I finally have come to terms with this. I suspect that once...
    MomofIrishTwins MomofIrishTwins 31-35, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    I spoke to a friend tonight re: getting a POA

    for H. I haven't seen her in over a month bc she was getting ready for a trial that finally happened this week. She's going to help me get the POA done ASAP & possibly the wills. I'm so relieved and grateful! With the attorney I'm hoping to see RE: the prospect of divorce, it...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I've been coming here on

    and off since the beginning and I swear the censorship on EP seems to be getting worse as the years go by. Last night I spent 1/2 an hour writing a long post about sexual loneliness and as soon as I posted it I got message saying it had violated EP community guidelines. If that...
    Elcoman115 Elcoman115 51-55, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    My heart is crying for real affection!

    I'm trapped. I don't know what to do. He doesn't even crave for me or want to touch me. I'm so depressed. I stay home and eat to feel the void and it really does make me happy. I wished that I had somebody :( I've tried to escape but it doesn't work cause I have small children...
    Cotton1234567890 Cotton1234567890 31-35, F 11 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012