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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,073 People

    Hi all...it's been a rough couple of weeks

    since my wife's last hip surgery. A lot more damage on this side, and the anesthesiologist this time was an a** that didn't listen to her telling him that some types of anesthesia medications cause her uncontrollable nausea, so we ended up at the ER twice in her first week of...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    I think I'm turning into a counter-refuser.

    My wife has hinted that things will happen during the "getaway" we have planned for this weekend, but I just can't get past how angry at her I still am. The thought of spending 48 hours alone with her actually turns my stomach a little, much less doing anything intimate. I...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 22 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    18th Wedding anniversary today

    and the 5th year in a row where she has done nothing and said nothing. My card remains unopened and after last year’s flowers were left in the hallway until they rotted i’m not sure if it’s even worth bothering. She has said its all my fault, although it's not quite...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 13 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    I’m Filing for Divorce … Those of you

    following my story know how the past 4 months have been extremely stressful, possibly the most stressful since I have left my 13-year marriage in the summer of 2013. This summer, my ex and I completed the one year of separation mandated by the state. I could have filed for...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 14 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 48 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I am a newlywed. I got married in April

    and have only had sex 5 times. I am very passionate and want to make love with my husband. I tried dressing up/ lingerie and all he did was chuckle. I cried and left the house. I am tired of being rejected and when I bring it up he then feels obligated to have sex. I do not want...
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 37 Responses 1 day ago

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    My wife threatens me with divorce at least 10

    times a year. She can't control her anger. She only wants sex twice a month. Then she wonders why Im not close to her. It is hard to be close and have feelings when she yells about stupid things everyday. I have to be the one who leaves the argument because she just keeps going...
    MATTSMOSKI MATTSMOSKI 46-50, M 1 Response 27 mins ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    After reading some stories in this group,

    it's bringing back memories that I had buried about 3-years ago. At that time, the pain of my marriage was so intense and so prolonged ( 20 + years) I decided to not think about the past and just live in the present, so I shut it all out, and that's the way it's been for 3...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 3 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    So H's appointment with the GI doctor yesterday

    went good. He is pretty stable right now, at present no confusion (encephalopathy ), just drowsy, tired & achy a lot. Some jaundice, not too bad. His liver is too sick to handle the new meds to clear his body of Hep C but funnily enough, the virus isn't showing up in his blood...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 236 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    So... for those of you

    that may have noticed, after a 2 month stretch of sharing i worked out most of my thoughts and got my head to another place. Thanks to all for your hints and tips..... it all helped paint the picture..... You will also have noticed i took down most/all of my posts as someone...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    All I can do anymore is sit at work

    and ponder the complexity of my marriage. My life is consumed with trying to find an answer. I reflect a lot on my behaviors and contributions to the problem in our marriage. Ultimately though I keep coming back to one universal truth. My wife does not have the capacity to...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 6 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I find these experiences to be very sad.

    I cannot imagine the pain and shame involved with a spouse rejecting you sexually. I am single but would love to be married. I have always been a person with so much love to give, I can't imagine how much love I would have for my husband. Life is difficult and you have to work...
    candywave candywave 26-30, F 7 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 149 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Does anyone get the guilt anger from the

    refuser. I mean the other morning she asked me to change to a radio station while we were driving and I told her I wasn't a fan of the station. I got this big dramatic act of how I just won't ask anything anymore. So when I tried to reason with her and said you know sometimes...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Its been a while since I logged onto EP,

    with so much work and family life. I was thinking the other day about just how many of us who are sexless in our marriages. I talk to my best friend who is married, and their sex frequency has dropped a lot in the past years. Some of our friends have the same issues as well. In...
    onceasailor onceasailor 46-50, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    What will the words on your Christmas card to

    your refuser be? (Assuming you don't hate them)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 11 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    A little over 3 years ago I found this site

    because I was tired of living in my sexless marriage. A few months ago, I came to the decision that I wanted a divorce. Our finances made it difficult for me to move out, but it was time to make a plan. At this point, I completely checked out of the marriage. I no longer...
    chuckdaly chuckdaly 36-40, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I am a married woman.

    This spring will mark the 17th anniversary of our wedding day. We used to have amazing, adventurous, fun sex. Things changed. He doesn't touch me anymore. He barely glances in my direction. This has taken a big toll on my self confidence. Another man is now "wooing" me. I met...
    NewFlowerUnfolding NewFlowerUnfolding 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    The Power to Change - We reflected on a few

    interesting concepts at the divorce support group meeting I attended last night, and I thought I’d share these questions with the members of this forum: - 1. Have you accepted the things you cannot change about your Refuser? In my case, my STBX is incapable of being...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Just wondering if anyone has ever received a

    reason from their refuser as to why, why he/she refuses if only for your benefit? We have had sex twice in the last 8 plus years, both times for reproductive purposes (and both times on the first try). The last spontaneous sex for it's own sake was 10 years ago. I understand...
    endureit endureit 36-40, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    So, my w told me that she loved me

    but was no longer IN love with me. So, I'm dumb and tried like hell to bring it back Now, we have become nothing more than room mates. I now have a very loving relationship, and she has the same. For the first time in 8 years, I am happy again. I am in school, and she...
    Rednkfireftr Rednkfireftr 31-35, M 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Anyone else find emotionally shut off refusers

    being very bad at handling bad luck? H seems frustrated about the bad luck but then not willing to look at how to move forward ... One minute it's "we'll have to deal with x and y and...." Then when I suggest we take action he doesn't want to make decisions. Any yet, even...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Okay....I know I really shouldn't.

    I DO try to restrain myself on here......publicly anyway. But this was too funny not to share and all iliasm folk will , I'm sure, relate . Thanks Tom! 
    2BlossomBlue 2BlossomBlue 51-55, F 32 Responses 2 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Today I met with a new therapist to talk about

    my PE. However, after some time talking and discussing my issues I have decided to table the therapy with my Christian counselor and focus more on psychotherapy approach. My struggle with faith was complicating my struggles with my own self esteem and marriage problems. Again...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I have a spouse who lies.

    Makes up excuses not to have intercourse but only wants to kiss and cuddle. He wont admit that he does not want children but leads me on by telling me he does. He Does not want me involved in his health and does not involve me w any other area of his life. He has no concern over...
    SweetAB SweetAB 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 43 Responses Oct 8, 2013