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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,288 People

    I stumbled upon this article

    and want to know your thoughts. http://www.thefemininewoman.com/2013/01/understanding-men-5-insights-on-men-to-ease-your-worries/
    sweetplumeria sweetplumeria 36-40 4 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Another great article about

    why marriages succeed or fail: http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 165 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Anyone heard of The Forum?

    I mentioned "the forum" (EP) in the Ray tonight and the therapist asked "are you in the Forum?" Anyone know what she is talking about? (I don't like to name EP as I don't want to be followed here)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    well its been a while

    since ive been on here. i have some good news. ive grown since my last post was finaly able to get a job. still in the same sexless marriage though. but i have someone looking into his sketchy behaviors. ive started drift from him myself. i no longer even try to touch him, i...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 26-30, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Does this group ever see any posts from

    refusers - at any point in their relationship? I'm not getting any rational discussion from my wife on the topic and truly want perspective.
    jgpindy jgpindy 36-40, M 20 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    The Restaurant (inspired by a mettamomma

    comment on a story) It's a great restaurant, in the ***** where fine dining is legendary. The building is art deco, a fantastic example of 1920's architecture. There is ample car parking, and the street is well lit. On entering the establishment, one is overwhelmed by the...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 23 Responses 4 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Why is it that so many of us struggle with

    making decisions around, and talking about, The Hard Stuff? . Before telling my STBX (do you know how long I have waited to use that acronym?????) that we are separating, I had so much anxiety over being the bad guy. You know, the one who has to say the words, "This marriage is...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Today my wife was told she needs a knee

    replacement. So they gave her a stack of literature to read about the operation and the recovery / rehab. In the stack was this pamphlet.Wow, who knew there was a cure for an SM?Inside there are illustrations of positions to use. Also, instructions on how to talk about the lack...
    Jim44444 Jim44444 61-65, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    I just came across an article callex "Sexual

    Desire Descrepancy" that I think might be helpful to some of you. Here's the link: http://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2015/7/23/he-says-i-dont-want-it-enough-i-think-he-wants-it-too-much-dealing-with-a-sexual-desire-discrepancy
    SoftWillie SoftWillie 61-65, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Is there anyone else out there

    who has a really good relationship with their partner but the only thing missing is sex? I'm really interested to talk with others who are in this position. It seems like in almost every post I read, the lack of sex goes along with a host of other things that are going wrong...
    unquotequote unquotequote 36-40, M 28 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 297 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    My wife and I are celebrating our 30th

    anniversary next week. We haven't had sex at all in ten years, and maybe a handful of times in 20. Basically it stopped at the conception of our last of two boys. She was fondled by a family friend when she was young. That messed her up. I understand. But I can't go on like...
    vintageport1963 vintageport1963 51-55, M 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    chavacc11 chavacc11 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I came to this group irrationally full of hope.

    The more I read though the more I give up and feel like why even bother. How can you ever really know someone, trust someone. Maybe this is just a bad day for me, but it truly seems pointless.
    sinnaminvixen sinnaminvixen 36-40, F 17 Responses 4 days ago

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    Status Update (this is long) Nearly 9 months

    into my wife and I both being on Wellbutrin and the marriage is still progressing. Sure, there are still some unresolved issues I am dealing with and chasing of the "whys" but even those are starting to become less important. The good news is, we continue to engage intimately...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So Dan Savage's blog

    for today had a fascinating letter (from a wife living in a sexless marriage who was sick of it, except she is the refuser. Interesting to read what lead her to begin refusing.) And his response to it was awesome also. Of course he suggested leaving as the first choice, to do...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'd like to thank this group.

    .. I left my sexless marriage earlier this year after 2 years of marriage (6 year relationship), we had sex 5 times during our marriage. I don't know what made me decide to marry him as our relationship had been sexless for a while. I suppose I stifled my wants and needs and due...
    Flugabelle Flugabelle 26-30, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I just came across Dr.

    Ross Rosenberg's Co-Dependency Series on You Tube and it really resonated with me. It explains why someone would stay in a very unhealthy situation.
    luvisaluneed luvisaluneed 46-50, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I recently found out my husband is cheating.

    He went to Bali to meet someone he met online. My son confronted him few months while he Skyped her. He explained to my son that he is having some problem with me. Son was very distraught & need to confide. He told his friends upon advice of kids helpline. I suspected as we had...
    cpep8 cpep8 51-55, F 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 47 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    SexlessMESS. . The story posted by

    xglittergoddessx has me in a fix today. . 18 years ago I *chose* to marry a man, even though I *knew* he wasn't right for me. . But I had made a *commitment.* And that held all the power. . I had committed... - to a sexless marriage; - to deadend conversations about our...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 11 Responses 3 days ago

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    http://www.justiceschanfarber.

    com/marriage-why-women-leave-cheat/
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I haven't had sex in over 4 years.

    My wife is uninterested in sex. I am kinky but I play it super vanilla for her and that doesn't even work. I've tried it all. She says she could live with or without sex, it's just not a big deal. often she says it's to much work. uhhg
    xjayx00 xjayx00 36-40, M 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    The more I get settled into my new life,

    the more the point is driven home that my life has changed drastically in the last year. I have just this summer moved out, but the transformation started long before and really accelerated in the last year. Feelings bubble to the surface some days, like today. I feel naked...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 7 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I love him with every fiber of my being.

    We are getting married in April of 2016. We actively practice the 5 languages of love. We hold hands, we communicate, we laugh... He's my best friend. Sadly.. For almost two years now, he's only my best friend. We very seldom have sex, and I'm physically starved... down right...
    XglittergoddessX XglittergoddessX 26-30, F 27 Responses 4 days ago

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    So I started typing a lengthy response to

    unquotequote's recent story and decided to toss it out as my own story instead. I will not say that everything is great in my relationship, bar the lack of sex. It's not. And the lack of sex is a HUGE thing - I have a marriage lacking the thing that actually distinguishes...
    nerio nerio 46-50, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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