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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,250 People

    Rewiring Needed! I was wondering today how

    many people have gone from one poor relationship partner to the next? It seems to me that a lot of us in this group have been with an abusive partner before being in a sexless marriage. Some of us, including myself, can trace our poor choices to childhood abuse and dysfunction...
    Artvg Artvg 41-45, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Don't want to have an affair,

    don't want a divorce, still love my wife very much, but it's been at least ten years since my wife has shown much, if any, interest in sex and the temperature in the room immediately drops at least ten degrees if I even bring the subject up. Been trying to figure out ways to...
    james53jr james53jr 61-65, M 3 Responses 58 mins ago

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    The conversation went better

    than I thought it would. All through dinner and bedtime with boys she was very anxious, constantly making eye contact and hand contact, little tentative hugs and squeezes which is definitely not her usual thing. I didn't pull away or try to be cold at all, squeezed her and...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Sex Addict - I'm curious

    if any members of ILIASM went to see the move "Addicted" that was released this week. It's the story of a married woman who becomes a sex addict and starts having wild sex with two random guys...sort of a "Belle de Jour" without the regal Catherine Deneuve. - The main...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 7 Responses 1 hr ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Bart23 Bart23 22-25, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    How do your religious/moral convictions affect

    how you handle your SM? I am pretty new here, so forgive me if the topic has already been covered. I understand the three typical outcomes for people on this board in a SM. What do you do when your religious or moral background or point of view seems to conflict with the likely...
    DoeEyed DoeEyed 31-35, F 8 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    I attempted to have "the talk" with my STBX

    yesterday morning. I with the fact that we were both clearly miserable, and that things couldn't go on indefinitely the way they are. I mentioned that it has been nearly a year since he'd agreed to attend couples therapy, and that only have we not had a session, he has yet to...
    Insearchofmenow Insearchofmenow 31-35 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Every day I reach a new level of

    I-don't-give-a-**** when it comes to my leaving him. Do I care what he thinks? No Do I care what our friends think? No Do I care what our kids think? Yes, but not enough to stay any longer Do I care what my family thinks? No Do I care what my church friends think? No...
    EmbraceMe68 EmbraceMe68 41-45, F 15 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Too good at suffering: Really nice article

    here: "http://www.sarahiatt.com/blog/too-good-at-suffering/" Some people are good at suffering. Too good. A person can have a lot of stamina, a perseverance in the face of difficulty and pain that is inspiring, but there can be a troubling flip side to this kind of strength...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 10 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 304 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I'm looking for input from people married to an

    asexual who tried to have "the talk". I have always avoided it because I assumed I would be speaking a foreign language to her. So I'm looking for information from people in the same situation who had the talk and what did you learn from it. What was helpful? What was not...
    drbamboo drbamboo 51-55, M 8 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I just need to vent. So this week sucked my

    soul dry. I got a call on Monday and my mammogram showed a questionable area in my left breast, scheduled two further tests on Friday. I had a colonoscopy scheduled on Tuesday (family history of colon cancer), they removed a polyp and sent it for biopsy. Got a text from my...
    driftingtiger driftingtiger 51-55, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    My therapist taught me a trick I consider to be

    pretty damn valuable in these types of dysfunctional marriages. Emotions are all over the place, communication is more effective with ET, feelings are hurt.. Etc etc. I have made the first steps for a divorce. I still have to find a job to make it final but he isn't living...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Has anyone tried Chasteberry

    and what was your experience?
    stayinginthegame stayinginthegame 31-35, F 10 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

    - My STBX and I had the most constructive conversation yesterday about the financial aspects of our divorce. It was just us - no lawyers - and we spoke respectfully about how to divide our assets and share visitation with our teenager. It was very civilized. - At the...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Higher love. And baser desires.

    I'm still kinda dwelling on my h's explosion at me last weekend. One of the things he told me was the 'he fell in love with my mind'. Which is good. Great. That's what matters. But he implied I was asking too much of him to also want my body. It may well be true in his case...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 7 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Well, I don't live in a SM anymore.

    I left him 1-year ago today. I'm still sexless (not for the whole year) but that's now my choice as opposed to a symptom. Choice feels way better than hopeless. It's been a tough year. Leaving an otherwise stable and financially secure position to face the unknown is not easy...
    NeedingToVent NeedingToVent 36-40, F 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 41 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Last night. No fight with spouse,

    no argument with spouse, got my son to bed, I put our daughter to bed (also no argument) got to bed went to sleep, she fell asleep, took care of myself (again) Not bad... Better than hearing yelling from the little one Today Got up took her to work, she expressed a desire to...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 28

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    Living in Japan, my experience may be slightly

    different than a lot of you... I've been married for 8 years, she got pregnant before we were married, and since then, I can count the number of times we've had sex on one hand. I've talked to her about it, and she just isn't interested in it, or any kind of physical intimacy...
    griker42 griker42 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 hr ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 26 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I went to a marriage

    where there was the good times but in the last it was a sexless marriage it was them I was abandoned. Left alone. Battled depression. Got counseling was hoping that my other half ago. Refused to go. So I did it alone. Now here I am. It in an indigent divorcedI cannot change...
    sunney55 sunney55 46-50, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    My husband came home

    for the weekend. When he left to go back, he text me this; "You probably already know this, but you need to do something for your sanity. Go volunteer, get a job or get a boyfriend. You seem like you are losing it, and you can't stay up in your room or stay in the house all the...
    GreyStreet98 GreyStreet98 46-50, F 68 Responses 1 day ago

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    When I had a conversation with my wife about

    our sex life, which turned into an argument, she said"you knew what you were getting yourself into when we married". WTF!!? I married a virgin and neither you or I could know what our sex life would be like. I should have turned that same question back on her, you knew you...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 9 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 142 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I have exhausted all efforts to reason with my

    wife about our marriage. In my hopelessness I am turning to Jesus, and he has enlightened me how to approach the subject with my wife. I am now praying more than ever, and have developed a battle plan. For 17 years my wife has used guilt to manipulate me into behaviors she...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 15 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Bart23 Bart23 22-25, M 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Last nights update: We

    both worked, but there was communication through text while apart. (Not my favorite medium for conversation so I kept it light) Gave her a link to domestic discipline to read, going of a spanking may not be her ball of yarn but I can probably sell her on linking punishments of...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The tide is high but I'm holding on I'm gonna

    be your number one I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that Oh no ..................... Song by Blondie that my brain keeps replaying day after day, even to the point of waking up with it in my head. I'm listening to the rain and thunder and the sound of H's snoring...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    It ****** me off when my husband puts on a show.

    I ask him all the time if he wants to shower with me. He always says no. Today we have friends over an we are getting ready to go out. He asks if I want to jump in the shower with him. I call him out and say you never want to shower with me! He tries to play it off and make me...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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