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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 47,997 People

    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    I decided to let go. If he doesn't want me

    anymore, so be it. I've got other happiness to pursue. Detaching with caring.
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 15 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Well I'll try to share this.

    ..I know it's a familiar story based on those I've read here already, thank you all for sharing. Perhaps it'll merely be cathartic for me to tell a bunch of strangers. Btw if you're some religious nut save your prayers and patronizing sermons. I'll simply ignore you and delete...
    don0063 don0063 51-55, M 23 Responses 1 day ago

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    What drives me crazy is

    that I am now realizing what she does to manipulate me and yet I still respond in the same old way! Once she called me while she was on a trip with her mother and did not hang up correctly when we were done. I got to hear her conversation with her mom about how she had just...
    Snowman12345 Snowman12345 56-60, M 4 mins ago

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    Do you think sexting/chatting etc is cheating?

    Recently I have started doing it. A lot. And in a way I feel it's fine. In a way I feel it's cheating.
    Mfine Mfine 70+, M 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 128 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    So I'm caringly distancing my self

    and SO doesn't seem to mind at all! Then I feel bad like I'm not caring enough. But whatever I'm still going to distance myself
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    He can't get it up anymore

    and is avoiding me completely
    OdysseyCMV OdysseyCMV 41-45, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I think the problem with my sexless marriage is

    not the fact that it's sexless, but the fact that it's a marriage. The wedding of a non-union. What is not united should not be joined. We simply need to split. Yeah, simply :-/
    Aeonian Aeonian 51-55, M 5 Responses 1 hr ago

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    When we decided to get a divorce,

    my husband moved out and got his own place. We are now separated. We own a business together so we have to go to business related events and functions. I've been having a difficult time communicating with him as a business partner since we had a dysfunctional relationship for...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I grew up where men were men,

    stiff upper lip, never show emotions, it's weakness. This was beaten into me. And it was the same for the women (Siblings) never talk emotions, sweep it under the carpet. Lucky for me when I had my own kids I decided I never wanted that for them. I wanted love and feeling in the...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 75 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Tomorrow is T -1... so to speak.

    I have finally set up an appointment with my first attorney. Then Monday I have an appointment with a divorce mediator (who knows, maybe it can be that easy?). I finally got the courage when a friend of mine, in an extremely similar situation to all of ours, just went...
    inmytime inmytime 31-35, M 6 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    You tried to break it off with me twice already.

    Then I got pregnant. Now I depend on u to take care of us, and I know u don't want to. U want someone younger and more into u and what u do. u don't want to end it now because what will I do? No where to go. U probably can't wait for these next few years to fly by because I...
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Interesting article on obesity

    and its effect on people's sex lives. "Readers first encounter Englehardt at her heaviest, 265 pounds, strapped to a CPAP machine for sleep apnea and completely indifferent to her husband, Larry's, advances to the point where he had stopped trying. "I just felt so bad about...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Visualization, separation

    and the dead calm... We had a calm discussion about separation last week!!! I had had another week with him home. He cleaned the pool, forgot the lawn. Played a lot of video games (I am as tired of writing that as my friends here of reading it). I had a contentious...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 5 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    This relationship sucks!

    It's depressing... We don't even talk anymore.. I need someone to cuddle with... I miss being loved.. :(
    3nelly 3nelly 26-30, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I would like a woman

    that would S k y p e or K I K or sext and couple of times a week to help me or both of us out. Is that asking to much?
    06Ford 06Ford 41-45, M 6 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Dear blue2014... Why did you block me,

    and delete all my comments from your thread? Is this how you defend your opinions, by eliminating dissenters? Perhaps at the source of your anger, lies some insight into your condition. Enjoy your time at iliasm, I guess I won't be seeing you around. As for others, please...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    So I have been married

    for eight years to a smart, good looking, caring man who loves me dearly. And I do live him. But we haven't had sex in 8 1/2 years. I've tried to initiate, but get pushed away. When we first met, things were normal. But after his mother died, sex fell back to 3-4 times a year...
    Candymaker Candymaker 41-45, F 14 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    jkingd34 jkingd34 22-25, M 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Telling the Kids Yesterday,

    we told the kids we were getting a divorce. Five of our six kids (who range in age from 15 to 27) gathered at home for a “family meeting”, and my STBX and I broke the news to them. It was the worst experience of my life. My spouse refused to put on a united front and give...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 35 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing, sex and .

    ..Oxitocin: The Love and Trust Hormone Can Be Deceptive Although poets and authors have tried to describe love, in the world of neuroscience, researchers have found that the naturally occurring hormone oxytocin and love are intimately related. Often called the love drug...
    largehopes largehopes 36-40 4 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Observations from amazing night of passionate

    sex last night. Aftermath. I only post this because i use to spend a lot of time wondering weather or not I could go through w cheating. I'm not even gonna call it cheating anymore because really my husband is the one who's the cheater. Cheating HIMSELF from loving me...
    Jane1024 Jane1024 36-40, F 27 Responses 2 days ago

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    I got a gym membership today

    and haven't told my SO. I need something secret, private, and interesting to keep to myself. Instead of being depressed and getting fatter because of this situation, I'm going to run. Literally. I'm going to say "I'm going out" and come back all hot and sweaty and leaner.
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 19 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Well, I just got back from an amazing eve.

    It was a first date so to speak. A guy I met a few months back at a music festival I attended ( ok Coachella). We 'd been trying to connect ever since April. I know I haven't posted an official post of who I am and what my story is, but I felt sharing my current state of bliss...
    Jane1024 Jane1024 36-40, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

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    "You don't ever have to feel guilty about

    removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance - You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to...
    MeNotWe MeNotWe 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    For those (particularly men)

    who think outsourcing would be cheaper than divorce, check this out while remembering that you still may have to pay for a divorce. "From the cheaters' responses, VoucherCloud determined that the average affair lasts six months and starts two years into the marriage. On average...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    If my (soon to be) marriage changes,

    do I remove myself from this group? Anyways, we have been weed free for 7 days. He has been genuinely putting in effort to have sex with me and although it isn't the best, yet, it's happening. In order to help, I suggested we watch **** together. I know he likes that, I've seen...
    wantingtobehappy84 wantingtobehappy84 22-25, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    I lived in a sexless marriage

    for ten years. But when the divorce and custody battle came, it was infinitely worse than the marriage ever could have been. I watched the child I love, and still love more than any person ever to live, beaten and nearly destroyed by the violent court system, his rich mother and...
    hypersex1111 hypersex1111 51-55, M 8 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 102 Responses Feb 13, 2007