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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,126 People

    Okay, so I was on here a few days ago

    and told a little about my situation and history. Most people were harsh and judgmental towards me when I admitted to being the one who refused sex and even harsher when they did not believe that I love my husband enough to ask for a divorce, because I thought he would be...
    Nil0 Nil0 46-50, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    I need some opinions

    as to whether I'm being a jerk. My wife has developed a medical condition that she says is making it uncomfortable to have sex and also makes her desire to have sex evaporate. I need to preface this by saying that this is certainly not the only thing reducing our sex life. It's...
    lookingforanswers1 lookingforanswers1 51-55, M 18 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    It is the bitter irony of my life

    that I am no longer getting any sex from my husband yet I am now craving more and different sexual experiences. Life is a cruel mistress.
    CagedLioness CagedLioness 41-45, F 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 77 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 37 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Curious. If there are any men here

    who find themselves to be past the point of a new start due to being unattractive to women generally, how do you envision your life post-sexless marriage?
    novembercomingfire novembercomingfire 41-45 19 Responses 2 days ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Another trial and error Tried to talk with my

    husband tonight my questions consisted of "why do you have a problem with me visiting my mother?" "Why do you have an issue with me going out with friends in the past?" "Why did you lie to me?" "Why don't you show me any type of emotion?" "Why don't you talk with me about...
    Rena4 Rena4 31-35, F 16 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    5 ways narcissists get inside your

    head http://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/five-powerful-ways-abusive-narcissists-get-inside-your-head/ 1. The Idealization-Devaluation-Discard Phase Narcissists and those with antisocial traits tend to subject romantic partners through three phases within a...
    zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    http://dontmarry.wordpress.

    com/2009/07/23/married-men-post-here-if-you-hate-your-life-2/
    Joylush Joylush 51-55, F 4 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    firefly4718 firefly4718 51-55, F 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    He wanders around the house.

    He sits on the opposite end of the couch. All the while, he sees me on my computer or phone busily typing away. Does he know who I am typing to? What does he think I am doing? Is he oblivious? Does he suspect and just not care? Insanity, all of it.
    CagedLioness CagedLioness 41-45, F 67 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 102 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Yesterday I posted a post-divorce update - kind

    of a one year out of a SM report. A lot of the responses were about having the conviction to divorce. I looked in my journal for an entry that was indicative of my mindset as I prepared to tell my wife that I was divorcing her...this is an entry just a few days before the...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I don't live in a completely sexless marriage.

    But I live in a marriage where I am rejected if I make the first move and we only have sex if he wants to, which is rare. This means I have to push my feelings down to the point where I no longer feel anything and that makes me so sad. I feel like an empty shell of a person. I...
    lisanalfie lisanalfie 36-40, F 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hi everybody. If you've been following me,

    you know that I recently ended my sexless, loveless, very lonely marriage. Somebody at work today asked me if I'm enjoying the single life, wink. Here's the deal. Married men are the only ones showing any interest, and it is sorta pathetic. They hold my hands, linger, tell me...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 36-40, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    It's been a little over a month

    since our vacation. Everything is back to the way it was before. He hasn't been interested in sex at all. I can't say I am surprised. This is exactly what I expected It just makes me sad that it will always be this way with him.
    kflesh kflesh 46-50, F 12 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    hi all I am a 54 male an d have been married

    for 30 years my wife had a hysterectomy about 10 years ago and sex along with intimacy have gone down since now it is at zero my wife refuses any hormones that might or might not help I love my wife and would like to stay bit she has made it pretty clear that she is looking for...
    Nightb4 Nightb4 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 131 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I'm feeling a little stuck.

    .. I did go and get my things from the apartment. I'm paying bills on my own (well, buying time on credit for now, really. I have a prospective job opening up soon...) I didn't have as hard a time as I expected getting my things from the apartment. maybe because he wasn't there...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 10 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    The post on the BPD Family website gave me some

    huge insight into myself. It also rang true of my relationships in life. I hope it helps some of you... http://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.10 Schema Mode-Lonely Child / Vulnerable Child The Lonely Child / Vulnerable Child is a maladaptive schema...
    ManMovingForward ManMovingForward 41-45, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I have been working through this

    for a long time, and I have a question. I need to try to assess whether I am being unreasonable, going crazy, silly etc. I have been married 20 years. Sex life went seriously off the boil shortly after - children. I thought it would revive when the children got older but it...
    endofthetether endofthetether 41-45, M 29 Responses 2 days ago

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    Report From Opposite-land

    Hello, and greetings from opposite-land, my new home! Here in "I live in a ridiculously hot sex-filled relationship" (ILIARHSFR), sex is like air or water: plentiful, necessary, constantly available. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, and sometimes even while...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 44 Responses Dec 2, 2012

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    Why would a wife claim to

    and show that she cares about her husband... But spend 10 years as a refuser? Makes no sense to me.
    Carboholic Carboholic 36-40 16 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So I was on here struggling with the topics of

    living in a sexless marriage, being sexually frustrated and feeling disrespected not too long ago. Although I would still love much more physical intimacy in my relationship, I have found that being open and curious, supportive and understanding makes for a much happier me as...
    picadilly1970 picadilly1970 41-45, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    recently i was in a serious car accident ,

    and of course it has been very traumatic and this is a time more than ever that i need my wife to be there for me to provide some love and support to me ... although the physical injuries were minimal to me ... the physcological damage has been severe due to the injuries to the...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 19 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    mjg85 mjg85 26-30, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm not really sure how to begin,

    or what to say... I once had a wonderful woman whom I adored and loved. Some how this all fell apart around a year ago... Sex gradually became less and less frequent.. What started as days, turned to weeks then months. As I type this, we've not been intimate in any way for...
    Jaden1971 Jaden1971 41-45 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I have been a member of this forum

    for nearly two years now. During this time, I have gone through the most challenging experience of my life –a divorce from my wife of nearly 30 years. To say this experience has changed my life would be a grand understatement as there has been no life experience through...
    Buroak Buroak 51-55, M 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    after 12 years of marriage

    and 2 1/2 years of NO sex at all... my husband walked out on me today. I feel so lost at the moment. I'm left here with 2 kids to raise. I have no money and no friends. wtf do I do now?
    helenback helenback 36-40, F 21 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Yesterday was National ****** Day in

    UK http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2711865/Its-not-man-******-learn-Sexpert-Tracey-Cox-pleasure-bedroom-responsibility.html
    TheFullMoon TheFullMoon 51-55, F 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

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    so i guess my marriage is going to come to an

    end , my wife and i had a huge fight this morning , it was the first time in 13 years that ive yelled at her , to be honest i dont even feel the least bit bad about it , after all the head games and complaining and running me down , i just dont care , i have rolled over and...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 18 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I'm in a dead end marrage!

    My husband is selfish and self centered and mentally and emotional ally and verbally abusive
    Endlessuffering52 Endlessuffering52 51-55 10 Responses 6 hrs ago

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