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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,123 People

    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 46 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Well my wife 24 yrs won't have sex with me

    anymore. It's been a few years!! She told me all about how promiscuous she was as a teenager before we got married. Everyone has a past!! I was ok with that. A few yrs ago she got so depressed about her lifestyle as a teen that all intimacy was shut off towards me. She feels...
    Flyer2005 Flyer2005 41-45, M 8 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Merry Christmas to those

    that have been broken but carry on anyway. Merry Christmas to those that are struggling to stay afloat. Merry Christmas to those that have found happiness after never thinking you'd breathe again. Merry Christmas to those that are on the edge of the next step of our...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 hr ago

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    I never in my life thought I would ever be in a

    sexless marriage,I lost my husband to cancer,he was more than capable to satisfy every inch of me,until he gets really sick,after he passes,I'm thinking of staying alone until I end up with a man who gets my attention,our first kiss was soft and sensual,I thought wow my body is...
    anna4862 anna4862 51-55, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    He told me tonight that he's realized he likes

    sex. He enjoys it, and he knows that because he's spent so many years pleasuring himself. So now, after lots of research on his part, and discussion with his therapist, he wants to start having sex 2-3 times a week. Mind blown.
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 4 Responses 44 mins ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Trying to enjoy the holidays instead of just

    getting through them. I know that divorce is most likely coming for me in the new year. I have a lot of bitter feelings for my STBX. I don't want these feelings to ruin my holidays. I don't want to fake like everything is alright either. I want to live as authentically as...
    WWMayaDo WWMayaDo 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 555 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    One day... after the dust settles

    and I actually find someone.... I will gently lay my lips upon the back of her neck. I will bury my nose in her hair on the back of her head and I will INHALE deeply.... I will close out the rest of the world and I will inhale her spirit into my body. I will wrap my arms around...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Do any of you know bibeach68?

    We've been talking a while then he suddenly disappeared. I'm a bit worried about him.
    Fluftytufty Fluftytufty 36-40, F 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 150 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    My own course of therapy has been validating

    and enlightening. Ironically, what I learn only draws me further away from my wife. Our couple's sessions have left me wanting. For my wife shuts down whenever attention is drawn to her. But our last session had her tip her hand, so to speak. She rhymed-off every grievance she's...
    Visionseeker1 Visionseeker1 41-45, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Apparently the sexless marriage is at an all

    time high in this country. Epidemic proportions. Experts have concluded that **** has had a direct impact on these numbers. Now before those of you who use **** because your wife refuses...gets defensive.. This isn't about you. This is referring to the men who refuse to...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 28 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Merry sexless Christmas everyone.

    I'm not expecting any festive nooky either and I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Sadly, many of us only want one thing... and it's not found in some glossy catalogue. My own story (part thereof) went into a novel. Fiction and fact first met 9 years ago. Fact for...
    angelwanderer angelwanderer 46-50 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Article about types of love

    that demonstrates how your refuser may love you, but their idea of love may be very different than is yours. "1. The Love Triangle. According to Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love (2004), love consists of three components—intimacy (emotional closeness), passion...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I need to be held, adored,

    wanted, kissed, touched, appreciated, desired, rubbed, smiled at, and supported. Is that so much to ask?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    So my husband and I scheduled sex

    for last night and guess what NO SEX! Oh but he bought me a mac book pro laptop for Christmas which he gave me instead! Yea I should be thankful for the laptop I know but I would rather be intimate with my husband so we get in bed and I try to initiate and he said deng babe you...
    Purpleapple84 Purpleapple84 26-30, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    Happy solstice! This is the solstice lunar

    eclipse, Dec 21, 2010. That is so rare... I forget how many thousands of years before the next one :-). Some of us may or may not get laid before the next one :-)I post this because I think it is a fact that human emotions ebb and flow with the sun, and in some ways the winter...
    beachguy1056 beachguy1056 56-60, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    I don't know if I'm ready to share my story yet.

    I don't understand it though. I'm a good looking guy. If I wanted to cheat, I have had plenty of opportunity. But with my wife I was told I'm being too affectionate. I brought home flowers only to be told they're the wrong kind. I just don't get it.
    romanticheart77 romanticheart77 51-55, M 10 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    Why do women always make excuses,

    I mean you really don't want any pleasure come on seriously?!
    bigmantinyvoice79 bigmantinyvoice79 31-35, M 6 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    It is the time of the year

    that I finally slow down and reflect just a bit. I have posted before that I cope by staying busy. So busy that while I have considered outsourcing, I dismissed it because I honestly do not see that I have the time for it assuming I could meet someone to begin with. My...
    Firedog201 Firedog201 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Actual convo with my husband about a serious

    conversation while he was putting together his RC car: "Yeah. But you weren't really listening to me. I TOLD you it was the last beer when I brought it out and then you forgot. When I asked you if you were going to let it sit there, you told me to have it. I reminded you it...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    There is less mystery.

    Less spark. I know - it is about needing to be more creative - needing to work a little harder. Whereas our fires used to come like a quick flick of a lighter - it can come or not come today more like hard work of rubbing two sticks together. My complacency breeds inertia...
    Werner351 Werner351 41-45, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I am in love with the idea of being in love.

    I want to be wanted. Previously, I was terrified of my children growing up with divorced parents. Now, I realize it is far better for them to be raised in a truly loving home- not an unhappy and angry environment. I want to be a whole family. I want to be with someone who is a...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    Went to my H's counseling session last weekend.

    Much to my surprise it wasnt about his addiction...well a tiny bit...it was about our marriage. He has been talking to his counselor about our marital issues and his lack of interest in sex. The counselor wanted to see us both (separately for a few minutes and then together) to...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    From 0 to 60... In One Year (Confirmed!

    ). I just felt that a brief update to my last story was appropriate. I *did* get my Christmas wish even though I didn’t hit my (joking) number of 69. Instead, we officially hit 60 last weekend and hit 61 this morning (e.g. my “on pace” target is now happily confirmed...
    TimeforLiving2 TimeforLiving2 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    It's after 1AM on my birthday

    and i can already tell it's going to thoroughly suck! Wife had a stressful day doing mechanical things like connecting hoses to our new washing machine and trying to change a lightbulb in a fixture which has apparently broken. I have absolutely no mechanical aptitudes and...
    HappyascanB HappyascanB 51-55, M 18 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The truly faithless one is the one

    who makes love to only a fraction of you, and denies the rest." ~ Anais Nin
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I am miserable. I hate her illness.

    ..I try desperately not to hate her. I am married and in a sexless marriage...I want desperately to leave, or cheat, or something, but I can't do it. I sometimes browse craigslist looking at pictures of people looking for sex. It can't be healthy. I have looked at so much...
    darkback2 darkback2 36-40, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    From Huffington Post: "A good reason to keep

    working on your marriage is when both you and your partner are invested and committed. Otherwise, if you find yourself stuck in the same old depressing patterns, you may wish to tackle your fear of change. Here are five reasons why, in some cases, divorce may be the right...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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