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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,554 People

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Feeling sorry for myself tonight.

    I allow myself that much once every few months. There is a sadness I did not know existed until it overtook me. When you actively work to feel happy or excited about something each day so that it becomes your job. When you can’t find the silver lining, when you can no...
    thescarletibis thescarletibis 41-45, F 6 Responses 50 mins ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    So, for those of us who have gone the

    counseling route and are seeing some progress: Is there passion and desire with your sex life? I just don't know if I even want him sexually anymore. The years of no intimacy seem to have killed the desire I used to have for him. Even if he suddenly tries, which he does...
    Candymaker Candymaker 41-45, F 20 Responses 2 days ago

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    So I tried with him this morning

    and as I let my hands caress all of him, he didn't mind. But as soon and I tried to please him he yelled no and jerked away. I felt so embarrassed for trying to have sex with my own husband. I immediately got up and left the one and went on about my morning routine. With eyes...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 13 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    I live in a sexless marriage have been

    for the last 6 years... Just didn't realize I was until recently. In my situation i never married for love, didn't even find him attractive. But I was young and was led to believe by my elders that love would happen. Well 2 kids, numerous affairs on his end and trial separation...
    Sobeit06 Sobeit06 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Almost two months ago,

    I had THE moment when life hit me in the head with a brick. A rude inconsiderate comment the STBX made to something I said when he and I were having a coffee with my older sister. I didn't say anything else to him. I just went home that evening and wrote the 1st story in this...
    TheDreamyWoman TheDreamyWoman 36-40, F 7 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I have been with my now husband

    for four years, married just recently in May 2014. We have three daughters, (3,3, and 1 years of age)...we have been through a lot of ups and downs, I got pregnant quickly in the beginning of our relationship with twins, that we thought would not survive...they are healthy now...
    beyondstars beyondstars 22-25, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Can someone tell me about reset intimacy.

    What are the telltale signs? Is it just a waiting game to see if it was one off or just to placate the refusee? How did you respond? Incredibly enthusiastically or cautiously as this is a long tough road and the scars of being rejected take time to heal even if the refuser...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 12 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    So I guess the question

    for me is, "How long does it take to turn an SM into a "normal" marriage?," or "How long does it take to recover from an SM, and make it better?" Of course, there is no stock answer.....there are a thousand factors..... We've made love 2 times in June, 3 times in July, and...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    My Marriage No hugs not

    even a kiss, no intimacy everyday is like this. I try so hard, but what can I do, he's not interested, it makes me blue. I sigh and cry as sadness takes hold, why is it that he is so cold? I want kisses, to be held and touched. I think I'm pretty, I don't think I'm gross, So...
    maulena maulena 41-45, F 16 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Why are we settling for less

    than relationships? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-shayne-kagel/relationship-advice_b_1603032.html
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 6 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I went to my first therapy session today.

    . I was so nervous that I almost threw up before walking in... Then I realized I was nervous because I was going to tell someone what has been happening and I knew she was going to validate what I already know. I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic.. I...
    kathryn30 kathryn30 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    I did too now divorced

    and still sexless. Want that to change but want a good woman to share life with too
    hermosa3591 hermosa3591 61-65, M 2 hrs ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I need to rant a bit.

    I am flying home right now from a business trip. I will be scrambling to get to a school function for my daughter once I land. Because the event is outdoors and it will be cool this evening, I thought perhaps I should have a jacket tonight. However, I did not bring one with me...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 33 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    An update... Day 6 of living separately.

    I'd say Sunday was the low point, after that "piece of cake". At least to what I'd imagine what it would be like. I am finding myself again. Doing the things I used to like. Little things. Like sitting in the bathtub for an hour and read. Having my morning coffee in complete...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 31-35, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Little off topic but wonderfully insightful.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/03/esther_perel_on_affairs_spouses_in_happy_marriages_cheat_and_americans_don.html or google: slate.com why we cheat by hanna rosin I found this to be very refreshing considering many of the posts that I read here. Any...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    I have thought so many times about posting in

    this group. I always seem to stop myself. Partly because I don't want to embarrass him by posting something he'd be ashamed of or shamed by if he saw it, partly because I'm just shy and sensitive, partly because my feelings are so complex and change so often that I'm afraid...
    licoriceandlace licoriceandlace 41-45, F 26 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Anyone else had to deal with this?

    What is he trying to do? Recently, I decided to try and make it work yet again between my husband and I. As all sexless marriages go, there are many more problems to deal with other than sex. For those that know me, you will know that I quit smoking almost 4 months ago (yay me...
    KittyInDisguise KittyInDisguise 31-35, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    He came home and he's tired.

    He barely has noticed me. Except to note that I did not eat dinner with him. I don't want food. I dk if I can be near him. I still feel so embarrassed from this morning. From how he pulled away from me, how he told me to stop being attracted to him. As I sit here on a...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 9 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Really having a rough day.

    My body is screaming to be touched. Handled. Worshipped. How to deal with this? The struggle.
    silvermoonflower silvermoonflower 31-35, F 67 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Had an interesting development at therapy last

    night. My wife said she wants to meet with our sex therapist individually to 'dig a little deeper'. In an attempt to find out the root of her low libido and see if there's something she CAN do to fix it. This was a stunning turn of events. She not only recognized and verbalized...
    Crave15 Crave15 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I've been married 25 years.

    When the sexless time of our marriage first started about 5 years ago on and off, mostly off now a days, I was angry. I loved on, had an affair, moved out, started my life anew. Then I made the mistake of dating my husband. He said all the right things and did all the right...
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I refused sex last night.

    It was late, I was exhausted, and didn't want to be just a piece. I feel so beat up and used. Now I'm being blamed for being a hypocrite and was called a crazy ***** lol!!! I have been thru hell -- am still being dragged thru the mud by my x, all bc of the kids and money - and...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    What makes a marriage become sexless ?

    I'm very curious about. Is it because there's no spark? If not what made it go away ? Is it because you fell out of love ? What makes married people fall out of love ?
    June4U June4U 22-25, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    I told my husband I would like to have sex.

    It's been over 4 months since the last time. He picked a fight and is not talking to me now. Took me a day to link it to me asking for sex. Brat!
    dyingalittleeveryday dyingalittleeveryday 41-45, F 25 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    I am a penis gobbler.

    Gobble gobbler.
    thelonerinyourbed thelonerinyourbed 70+, T 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    .This pretty much says it all about sex with

    someone who doesn't want you the way you want them, reset sex, etc, etc ad infinitum on the refused and refuser dynamic..I would prefer to be energised!
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 134 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    H is passed out. He slept all day,

    but I got him out to walk the dog with me tonight. He could barely shuffle along and his speech was slurred. I knew he felt bad all day but he said he felt better tonight, so I thought he could handle a walk. When we got back I asked him if he had taken some hydrocodone. Turns...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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