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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,365 People

    I confronted my wife about our SM a month ago.

    Whats bad is that i had to wait a few days until the time was right and build up the courage to bring it up and not sound bad saying it. Then i realized, how bad does that sound? I have to get courage to bring up an important subject to my own wife. I always thought your...
    crowbar2012 crowbar2012 31-35, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Short comings, short sex drive,

    short of expressing love are all part of Sexless Marriage. Denial and refusal are very familiar. Pay attention to your spouse's messages. My s/m started a long time ago after having my son, our sex life became less interesting and more rushed. Finally it fizzled out to none...
    musicinme musicinme 56-60, F 6 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    This is the first thing I'm posting here

    but it's very important to me. I can't tell people. Me & my partner haven't had sex in over 3 years.
    carrieAberdeen carrieAberdeen 31-35, F 21 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    So why do people go to sex / relationship

    counselling? To fix it? Or to get both parties to a point where they understand each other's perspective, which should help them determine if the relationship is viable? I want to make my SM work as we love each other despite the lack of sex / intimacy. And if it is going to...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 14 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    I. am. pissed. I am sharing this with you

    because i realized it says something about my self-work. it's working! I recently have been "working" for a guy by selling his things on ebay and getting a percentage. There are more people than me working for him. He called my brother today, essentially asking for access to...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Speaking of never-ending health problems: this

    morning I asked my man if his sinuses were okay. He snapped, "I wish you would quit asking me that." I thought, but did not say, "I wouldn't - if you weren't always having sinus problems." After all, I never ask anybody else about their sinuses - just him. LOL!
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 7 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    My husband thinks having sex 3-4 times a week

    is insane. I am not a prude I am a little freaky and I am not one of those chicks who just lay there. When we do have sex it's amazing and is like passing out. So if it's so good why doesn't he want it more often. I am sometimes forward but not crude. I am affectionate but not...
    cagedlady cagedlady 31-35, F 14 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 49 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 133 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 54 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Ok here is one for the group.

    Recently I posted an add on local craigslist seeking to talk with local females about living in a passionless marriage. I have met several ladies. Some truly sad stories from a couple of them. But I made contact with a woman that is a sexual being. A polar opposite of my...
    Genertaylori Genertaylori 51-55, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Life after ILIASM I used to be a regular here.

    I found this group was very supportive and it really helped me regain some perspective and find the courage to leave my relationship of 16y. I have been separated 10 months now. I won't tell you they have been easy. It's been bloody difficult actually! Divorce is about to be...
    NeedingToVent NeedingToVent 36-40, F 12 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    It's been sliding for years.

    It started out great, we had good sex often. Then as the years slid by the pace dropped. Not much, and it didn't bother either of us. Then my wife got sick, had a complete hysterectomy, and lost her sex drive. She still tried, for my sake, but her heart wasn't in it. For the...
    Leathlobhair Leathlobhair 36-40, M 11 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Through my failed marriage,

    I've concluded that, despite the already recognized different classification of personalities, humans fall into two main person types: Selfless and selfish. On a level playing field, selfless people want to give more and look for ways to give more, but receive less and seldom...
    lovegentle lovegentle 36-40, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Finish Line … I left my marriage of 13

    years a year ago this month. Legally, I am separated and in the process of finalizing the divorce. Emotionally, the last 12 months have been an enormous journey that took me on a far different trajectory than I had ever envisioned. In the recent week or two I have been...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    New found confidence

    and the his new libido - supermoon? Supermoon. It happened. He got a compliment from his "work" husband the same night. He said something to the effect - "what are you even doing in this job? You have so much going for you - why would you settle for this job?" Got H...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    The Rules of a Dysfunctional Family http://www.

    a-spiritual-journey-of-healing.com/images/psychology-self-help.jpg
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Have you ever felt like you've been discovered

    by your husband or wife on this blog?
    SarahAnn46 SarahAnn46 36-40, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Is anyone else watching the show "masters of

    sex" on showtime? I find myself so attracted to the show. It explores all these things we talk about here (i know its colored with hollywood glam but so what). I keep relating to different aspects of the characters and what they think their lives should be verses what they...
    sweetplumeria sweetplumeria 36-40 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So thanks to some of the great advice here on

    the SM forum of EP, I decided not to wait and talk to my wife about my ongoing concerns. We did this two nights ago, after she had gotten back from a little trip. As a professional musician, her instrument has not been sounding right and given the delicate and precise nature...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    It's been quite a while

    since I've posted here. I check in every now and then, and quite often see stories from people with a case of the what ifs, the ones we all experience when considering leaving our SM, and I'd like to weigh in on that if I may. I've been out of my SM for 4 years now, and I'm not...
    Iamhere4me Iamhere4me 36-40, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I really want to be out of this marriage in 12

    months time! Just scared that I won't have the courage or energy to do it.
    Inspireme1 Inspireme1 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Now that there is someone in my life,

    who I am really attracted to and care for, and he feels the same for me, but we can't be together. It's excruciating. What's really awful is I didn't realize just how parched my body was. Every cell in my body is screaming out- for affection, for true caring, for TOUCH. I just...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My sexual frustration was

    so bad i had abdominal pain, anxiety, shortness of breath, confusion, inability to concentrate, i felt sick in my stomach, shaky hands and a general felling yearning and desperation. I thought I might even have a heart attack. I couldn't think rationally. Does this sort of thing...
    bonzothechimp bonzothechimp 41-45, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    I am a sexual deviant.

    So says my wife. Why? Because I desire sex 2 to 3 times per week. According to her, it is not natural. And forget about the need to cuddle and give her massages. According to her, she's been there, done that. Jeez!
    sojourner999 sojourner999 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Hb says I dont need to move out to work on our

    problems... We could solve them "in house".:). Fact is we have not had sex in the past year. He says he is trying really hard... I know he loves me but I feel this is not right. I have found an apartment. I have to decide by Thursday morning if take it. Was anyone separated and...
    Whywhenwho Whywhenwho 26-30, F 9 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    So late breaking development.

    ...my wife comes downstairs about an hour ago to my home office, which is very unusual as she very rarely bothers me during the work day in personally, usually just sends me IMs. She's in tears. I ask her what's wrong, and she says she knows how unhappy I've been about the sex...
    MelancholyDude MelancholyDude 36-40, M 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Broken Home - I'm intrigued by a recent post

    from LaoTzu about the definition of a "broken home". Many of us have stayed in our dysfunctional marriages and opted not to divorce our Refusers "for the sake of the kids". But is it really better for them to be raised in a family with parents who are not good role models of...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 298 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    It's been 10 years. I've tried everything.

    She just doesn't respond. I've tried talking about it. I've taken the blame and she hasn't taken any of it. If we have sex once a month it's good. She never thinks about it. I travel for work often and other women find me attractive. I just don't understand.
    roaama roaama 31-35, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I could just die it makes me feel like think

    about having sex with men or women or the three of us but I kind any one to suck or **** Ron
    rw60404 rw60404 66-70, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 29 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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