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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,353 People

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 32 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Love this... I am not here to entertain you I

    am not here to fix you I am not hear to rescue, heal or revive you I am not here to be talked at I am not here to give you all my energy I am not here to make your story my own I am not here to just listen I am not here to make you whole I am not here to make you happy I am not...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    The title to this article smacked me in the

    face. It's always nice to see sexless marriage discussed anywhere in addition to here. The comments are the interesting part to me, gratifying to see how many people understand sexless marriage is not ok. http://www.xojane.com/janes-stuff/wwjd-advice-on-sexless-marriage
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    It's amazing what a little sex will do.

    ..I wrote stories in the last few days lamenting my months long dry spell of sex and my desperation to the point of being tempted to do a FWB if the right situation presented itself. Well the other night my husband initiated sex and then I got some the next night too. He said...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 47 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    "Being turned off by your spouse,

    " tonight on Margaret Cho's new TLC show All About Sex. I for one relate and will be watching avidly.
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 29 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    H asleep before 10pm.

    ...at least I know I wouldn't be getting intimacy even if he was awake
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I spoke to my ex husband today

    as to why he would never initiate sex with me. He explained that he has always had assertiveness issues. This is on top of his health issues and everything else that contributed to the demise of our marriage. I made a choice. I could have waited it out for him to "fix" himself...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    It seems cruel and unusual punishment

    that the one time hubby decides to make a move is when it's the wrong time of the month for me!! Not that it particularly worried me, but once he discovered that fact, it was all off! Disappointing, it would have helped immensely with the cramps ;)
    CallieB874 CallieB874 36-40, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    why do we find it so hard to leave our spouse?

    Here is one reason: We were driving in the car, one day. I dont know where we were going, but that is not important. Just out of the blue, I say "endoplasmic reticulum" That was all I said. She says "rough or smooth" I love my wife.....
    passivepassion passivepassion 51-55, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 44 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Have you ever wondered

    if your refuser spouse sees you as the refuser? Are you in a situation where both of you are waiting for the other to make the first move? Do you think your refuser spouse thinks (or maybe s/he is actually saying it to you outright) that you are not being sexy or seductive...
    MrSTF MrSTF 36-40, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Does anybody have advice on divorcing

    while your kids are young? I'm rationalizing that this is the only thing keeping me from leaving. I've been in a sexless marriage for about 6 years & married for 14. The sex has never been as frequent as I would like, but it's down to a 6-8 times a year ever since we became...
    Westtexan Westtexan 36-40, M 6 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Does your refuser refuse to hold hands in public

    or other displays of affection? Today I took my family roller skating and I reached out to hold my wife's hand and she pulled it away, muttering under her breath, I'm not sixteen! Whatever.
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 23 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Ha Ha Ha Jokes on me I woke up in the middle of

    the night with the W bottomless I'm thinking yes yes yes, but nothing happens, she told me this morning hot flashes are coming back she was cooling off. Ha ha ha
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    He's lying beside me asleep right

    now - with his hand between the two of us. I'd love so much for that hand to touch me right now. It doesn't have to be in a sexual way either... I just miss the intimacy of physical contact. Holding hands, the way he wouldn't sleep unless I was in his arms or even just touching...
    LoneSouls LoneSouls 26-30, F 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    Someone mentioned to me

    that their spouse may try reset sex and doesn't want to but says they would feel a hypocrite for turning them down. please way in as I am finding difficult to persuade them it is not hypothetical.
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 38 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    i give up , im raising the white flag ,

    im not going to fight the battle anymore , i have tried everything and anything , every self help , every nice thing to say , every nice thing to do , ive tried being spontaneous , i cant do anything more , my wife must just have ZERO percent attraction to me , sex 1 time in...
    skiball5150 skiball5150 36-40, M 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    **UPDATE** My husband has been proactively

    trying to reconnect without any coercing from me. We had 1 session as his drug counseling therapist together last month and it was like something just snapped into place. Last month he started asking me to sleep naked with him again and that he missed that closeness. Then he...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 156 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I wouldn't call it a sexless marriage we are

    starting to play with male chastity
    Endzoner Endzoner 41-45, M 3 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    AURIBUS TENEO LUPUM I hold the wolf by the

    ears! Once a popular proverb in Ancient Rome, it is used to describe an unsustainable situation and in particular one in which both doing nothing and doing something to resolve it are equally risky. I thought this resonates with many of us in ILIASM, at one point or another in...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    Has anyone been helped by going to individual

    therapy to deal with this situation? Also I am sure there are many of you out there not sleeping at night, any suggestions? Any recommendations for sleeping pills? He rolls over and snores (which sounds like laughter to my pain). I won't leave while my kids are young. I'm done...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    So it was. So it is. So it shall be.

    My marriage is over. We have decided on an amicable split and will be going with a mediator and marriage settlement agreement. Scheduled filing date is the end of next week or early the following week. I have asked her to move out effective the date of filing since she is the...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 31 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 80 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Hey I've been married

    for 5 years and the sex has deteriorated to almost none existent. Is this a normal thing or is there something that can be done about it. ?
    yeaboi87 yeaboi87 26-30, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 557 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Was at the store yesterday

    and saw a couple probably in their 60's both attractive. They were giggling and hugging and kissing when they thought nobody was looking. Found myself wondering if they are a new fling or married. You could tell they had real passion for each other. I was so happy for them and...
    newdaynewway newdaynewway 46-50, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Quick update. Been three days without

    physical intimacy, this is ok and I know my inner voice screaming is because it's afraid to go back to neglect but three days is normal still. Emotional intimacy is still good, talking together with no tv, iPad or iPhone in the way and she crawls over from her side of the bed...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 152 Responses Jul 22, 2010