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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,020 People

    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Outsourcing, sex and .

    ..Oxitocin: The Love and Trust Hormone Can Be Deceptive Although poets and authors have tried to describe love, in the world of neuroscience, researchers have found that the naturally occurring hormone oxytocin and love are intimately related. Often called the love drug...
    largehopes largehopes 36-40 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    There's a new book out

    that may be helpful to some of you here. I'm about to get a copy. http://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Cows-Truth-Divorce-Marriage-ebook/dp/B00LEMDLC2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406221558&sr=8-1&keywords=sacred+cows
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I am so glad I left my BS marriage!

    😃 It feels great to say that I am no longer in a sexless marriage!
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 36-40, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Sexless marriage for 11 years.

    About two months ago I met a man and we started an affair. It's an emotional and physical affair, but we only recently began sleeping together and I want to share what I'm feeling for those of you contemplating cheating on your refusers. First...it's not cheating. It's self...
    Blue2014 Blue2014 41-45, F 32 Responses May 23

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 76 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Today is our five year wedding anniversary.

    Five years of virtually no sex, and no intimacy. Not a cause for celebration in my eyes. All week I've been expecting this day to play out the same as any other day. I didn't make plans, and didn't expect him to. Our marriage is an illusion, and anything that perpetuates the lie...
    Catonapillow Catonapillow 31-35, F 33 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Tomorrow is T -1... so to speak.

    I have finally set up an appointment with my first attorney. Then Monday I have an appointment with a divorce mediator (who knows, maybe it can be that easy?). I finally got the courage when a friend of mine, in an extremely similar situation to all of ours, just went...
    inmytime inmytime 31-35, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    Seeking Therapy I’ve made my first step.

    I am seeing a therapist. This is not to try and repair my sexless marriage. I have realized that my sex life, the passion, the lust I need will never be reciprocated. I am going to deal with the fear, the anxiety of the fallout for when I confront my wife. I am not going to...
    Adam4Eve Adam4Eve 46-50, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Fandango Those reckless eyes lure me closer

    flashing brightly pulling me closer Telling me that you are on the hunt and that yours is a dangerous game But girl I'm not afraid because this isn't my first rodeo and I'm a winner I expect that you think you can gentle me down with some soft words Watching as you dance the...
    Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I got a gym membership today

    and haven't told my SO. I need something secret, private, and interesting to keep to myself. Instead of being depressed and getting fatter because of this situation, I'm going to run. Literally. I'm going to say "I'm going out" and come back all hot and sweaty and leaner.
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 21 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Update from me....things are better!

    Counseling is going very well. I am proud of myself, first of all. The first day of marital counseling, I was so nervous and the weight of the world was on my shoulders. What would happen? What would I say? What would she say? Without going into too much detail, I told...
    indianoutlaw indianoutlaw 31-35, M 19 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Told a friend last night about the impending

    separation. She knows everything - I am a spewer. I admitted to her, and maybe myself for the first time, that I am unprepared to be single. I will miss being "with" someone. Even if I know this is my current state no matter how it looks to the public. She assured me that I...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 8 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    So I have been married

    for eight years to a smart, good looking, caring man who loves me dearly. And I do live him. But we haven't had sex in 8 1/2 years. I've tried to initiate, but get pushed away. When we first met, things were normal. But after his mother died, sex fell back to 3-4 times a year...
    Candymaker Candymaker 41-45, F 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 37 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Visualization, separation

    and the dead calm... We had a calm discussion about separation last week!!! I had had another week with him home. He cleaned the pool, forgot the lawn. Played a lot of video games (I am as tired of writing that as my friends here of reading it). I had a contentious...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 128 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    .I think those of us in a sexless relationship

    can relate to this one particularly well. It did make me smile though, so I thought I would share it here. 
    SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond 46-50, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Third beach trip of the summer The man is

    planning a beach trip for this weekend. However, it's not for a good reason. I was talking to him about the boudoir photos I recently had taken of myself, and saying I hoped he would like them and find them sexy. His response was something like, "Meh. I've seen your body for...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 40 Responses 1 day ago

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    I previously posted about the sexual side

    effects of anti-depressants on my husband. Well, this past Monday, he was supposed to go to the Dr. for a follow-up and he was to discuss adjusting his medication due to the side effects, he ended up rescheduling for next Monday. Our therapist has brought up the importance of...
    Musicalangel13 Musicalangel13 31-35, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I think the problem with my sexless marriage is

    not the fact that it's sexless, but the fact that it's a marriage. The wedding of a non-union. What is not united should not be joined. We simply need to split. Yeah, simply :-/
    Aeonian Aeonian 51-55, M 24 Responses 1 day ago

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    When we decided to get a divorce,

    my husband moved out and got his own place. We are now separated. We own a business together so we have to go to business related events and functions. I've been having a difficult time communicating with him as a business partner since we had a dysfunctional relationship for...
    lycheechan lycheechan 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    What drives me crazy is

    that I am now realizing what she does to manipulate me and yet I still respond in the same old way! Once she called me while she was on a trip with her mother and did not hang up correctly when we were done. I got to hear her conversation with her mom about how she had just...
    Snowman12345 Snowman12345 56-60, M 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Someone on this site mentioned

    that living in a sexless marriage is like living in a bubble. Exactly, that is what i feel like. Inside the bubble is My marriage, My family, My kids. In the bubble there is no sexlife with My wife. I booth want to stay inside the bubble and i want to see whats outside its walls...
    whereishome whereishome 36-40, M 21 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I am the one who does not want to be sexual.

    I love my husband of 26 years with all of my heart. I came with baggage and he stuck by my side. We have 3 children that are young adults now. We have not been intimate in about 15 years. He deserves to be in a healthier sexual relationship. When I told him I wanted a divorce he...
    Nil0 Nil0 46-50, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    This may be helpful for those

    who are planning to divorce. " Getting Divorced? Don't Be Nice ...I regularly hear people tell me they want to be nice to their soon-to-be ex. They'll tell their spouse they want a divorce and then act like they're still married. I'll ask why they do this and without exception...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I am curious as to why the majority of you all

    are getting a divorce. My husband and I have a hard time coming together to get it on, but we want to. Time, kids, being exhausted, work, etc. That is where we have our problem. Is sex really that big of a deal? I'm curious as to what you all think?
    jrlegg jrlegg 26-30, F 30 Responses 1 day ago

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    This morning as I woke I had an incredible urge

    to wrap my arms around my SO and when I did he grabbed my hand and put it over his heart and squeezed tight. We laid like that for several minutes before he had to get up for work. I felt the love between us again. Hopefully one day the passion will return.
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 8 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    I posted a couple of weeks ago about needing to

    start divorce planning because of my sexless marriage. I've started an exit plan, shoved some money aside when I can, but I just don't know how I reach the point of moving ahead. I make serious decisions all day at my work that effect several dozen employees but I can't seem to...
    Feelingnotsogreat Feelingnotsogreat 41-45, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    I found this ridiculous one sided sexist article

    and wanted to share it with the rest of you so that you can follow the easy 1,2,3 steps and VUALA'...... SM solved. If I ever meet the person who wrote this article i will tell her about the bacon scented candles (obviously missing in this list) and then I will proceed to...
    oceansun oceansun 31-35 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    UndefinedValue UndefinedValue 31-35, F 5 Responses 26 mins ago

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    I would like a woman

    that would S k y p e or K I K or sext and couple of times a week to help me or both of us out. Is that asking to much?
    06Ford 06Ford 41-45, M 6 Responses 2 days ago