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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,963 People

    UPDATE # 7 - see link to follow previous

    pathetic storyline: EP Link It's been a while but I suppose I should update my horrible saga since some of you might have wondered what happened to me. This is as good a time as any since I'm sitting in a half empty dive bar near my home...nursing a beer by myself on a lonely...
    TheFallen75 TheFallen75 36-40, M 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    10 months out... This is going to be a tale

    from the other side. My divorce was finalized this month. I can still remember the first time I found this group, and I can still remember how I went back and forth about agreeing with the people that were telling me to get out and never look back but I also remember how I...
    Cucly80 Cucly80 31-35, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    PART 5: What a difference a few days makes.

    No, I'm not talking about the sex, that's already non-existent in this sexless marriage, I am talking about the kids even having a mum is dependent on her ovulation cycle. Previous Saturday (ovulation period) Mood was good, hardly any disagreements. Wakes up shortly after the...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Well Approaching the three year mark

    since my ex and I separated.... still no sex with anyone, but I no longer feel the craving like I once did. Maybe it's advancing age? I've stopped feeling that desperate need to be with someone and am just 'being' for the moment. I can't really be involved with someone else...
    cvann5 cvann5 51-55, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Oh dear hearts, a new theme song

    for us! Or maybe just for me... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GBT37_yyzY
    DeborahManning DeborahManning 51-55, F 5 Responses a week ago

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    I found a very interesting article online

    that discusses what happens to a lot of us in SM. It describes exactly what I felt like. http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/partner-stops-giving-silent-pain-emotional-withholding-fiff/ Edit: I need to add, that I am now seven months out, still grieving somewhat, I...
    greeneyedlady72 greeneyedlady72 41-45, F 13 Responses 4 days ago

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    This illustrates the problem in dysfunctional

    marriage. Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put...
    in2mec in2mec 56-60, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I did..after so long of attempting to work

    things out.... For absolutely no reason at all...and that's that!
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    I'm happy to report that this may be my last

    post in ILIASM because our divorce is almost final. We agreed on everything and we communicate well as co parents and friends. He is aware that I am dating and is not angery or sad or jealous. He sees the kids a few hours a week, which gives me a little break. I am dating a...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 21 Responses 3 days ago

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    She will only hold my hand in front of her

    friends. She never uses my first name. Her priority is her friends and social circle. She will not even touch me, unless her nfl team scores. I hate my lust. She tells me to out grow it. I need a Skype lover. I am pathetic. No way out. This is depressing.
    MrSoCal MrSoCal 46-50, M 10 Responses 6 days ago

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    My first day as a single person,

    on my own after almost 25-years of misery - longing for love, intimacy, and sex - yet now I'm free, I have no desire for a relationship or sex. The irony.
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 26 Responses 1 day ago

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    So after choosing to outsource with Corky in

    America,, it was really all about talking reality and if change in our everyday life was warranted .. If we felt the same together in real time as online. Hard one I know ,, and have tried to separate the two situations just for a while ,,, Since I have been home which has been...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 35 Responses 6 days ago

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    UPDATE: I've decided not to initiate sex

    anymore, meaning the once a month 60 secs sex is not going to happen anymore. Found myself a job, and I am happy with my life at the moment, my husband is a good "house mate" I don't have to worry about pregnancy at all, cos we don't have sex, How do i take care of myself...
    Alexandra0210 Alexandra0210 22-25, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    As I'm laying here in bed,

    shades drawn, tears flowing and a profound pain in my heart..... I watched my 'angel' drive off to college an hour ago. I'm proud to say, she's a 4.0 student, top 4% of her class and an over achiever in everything she puts her mind too. She has won multiple scholarships due to...
    LEXUS46 LEXUS46 46-50, F 15 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    So I tell him how I feel.

    ....unwanted, unattractive and unloved and what he says is he doesn't know how I could blame him for my insecurities. Am I wrong? I didnt really even blame him but he knows what i meant. I mean we went from having sex and being best friends in our marriage to over night barely...
    crazy1983 crazy1983 31-35, F 6 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 57 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I've been with my love

    for 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I love him more than anything but he's never here longer than our child's bed time. I am left to myself all evening, every evening while he continues on with the social life we used to share before we were parents. We haven't had sex since...
    Cricket6290 Cricket6290 22-25, F 9 Responses a week ago

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    "Now as many people survive cancer

    as due from cancer" the advert tells us Surviving is only the first step. If the experience and the after effects screw over the patient mentally and / or physically then they may have survived cancer, but their marriage will probably be f****d I hate those adverts - implying...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Is sexless the main problem

    or is the lack of intimacy and closeness devouring our souls. I read about the pains, sickness, dysfunction and I ask isn't this really what drives us nuts. I believe effort and intestinal fortitude have a lot to do with why we are miserable. So sex is painful but and gentle...
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 37 Responses Mar 31

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    My wife and I were heading

    for divorce when she was diagnosed with an illness that will kill her. Tomorrow or 20 years; nobody knows. I could not leave after that. So I'm basically stuck in a sexless marriage. For those of you who say, "Just leave", don't bother. I made a vow and I'm sticking with it.
    Slider59 Slider59 51-55, M 20 Responses 6 days ago

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 274 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    So I'm not sure if I qualify

    for this group. But here it goes. We do have sex. Well he does. I just attend. He works out of province and when he gets home he's horny. I get it. So whatever. But it would be nice to feel more then just a warm body. You know...
    kanytana kanytana 26-30, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Part of the self esteem recovery plan is

    getting back to being buff dad. This requires a 5k run every weekday evening. It has been made pretty clear this should be done in my own time, so it is, and I go at 10pm. Last night I was aware of a car tracking me around the country lanes. I was feeling pretty reflective...
    dadonthesofa dadonthesofa 46-50, M 24 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Perspectives from Oppositeland There is a

    common misconception on here, it seems, that Oppositeland is some sort of magical paradise for people who have left their sexless marriages – a place where everything turns out perfectly. No wonder, then, the disappointments experienced by some of the newly separated...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 154 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    On holiday in my favourite place.

    Such a shame I have a good friend here and my H (in the true intimate sense) isn't present. I know my options and am working through whether staying can work and be satisfying. I just wish I could fast forward to the point where I know what the answer is. Just an observation...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 18 Responses 5 days ago

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    It's fine most of the time.

    But then I watch a movie, and there are two people in love, making love, and it hits me that I may never get to do that again with my husband. Or that I'd love to reach over and take his hand and touch him, but that it would only result in rejection. It's not that everyday...
    GeorgeSands GeorgeSands 31-35, F 11 Responses a week ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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