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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,069 People

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    And so after I staunchly debated our son not

    racing in Ca again. $10k out of the check book. 3 laps of racing. Lost his job. Kicked out of work owners house. The drama continues. Wife thinks she knows everything when all she knows is how to flush it down the drain with our son who really needs to grow up and hold a job.
    JRD22 JRD22 51-55, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    So I'm still in my 'stormy' phase (I'm likening

    my ups and downs of sexual importance to a baby App called the wonder weeks! Stormy developmental phases and sunny happy phases!!) When I'm in a stormy phase, my husband can't do anything right. I was shouting at him today. I often feel like I don't know what I see in him when...
    Waterlanding Waterlanding 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 295 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 53 Responses May 14, 2012

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    This story about a man

    who sent his wife a spreadsheet showing her refusals is circulating through my FB feed.. Ugh. I cannot imagine what he must be going through. It's not enough that she can't understand that he's unhappy (why else would he be pushed to the point of making a spreadsheet?), she has...
    liltree liltree 31-35, F 22 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 183 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 102 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Madonna/*****? Is this is a real phenomenon?

    Another question....is madonna/***** different then a man who has views his wife as his mother/caretaker? Men...Is the sex you have with your wife different than what you might have with a woman you casually dated? I'm thinking there is no way to resolve these issues. There...
    Blue2014 Blue2014 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Told a friend last night about the impending

    separation. She knows everything - I am a spewer. I admitted to her, and maybe myself for the first time, that I am unprepared to be single. I will miss being "with" someone. Even if I know this is my current state no matter how it looks to the public. She assured me that I...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Baby Steps - Once we acknowledge our sexless

    marriages will never improve and we need to end our dysfunctional relationships, many of us feel overwhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable challenge of a divorce. We struggle with our emotions of loss and grief, and wonder how we can summon the strength to move forward in our...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Best Friends? - One of the appeals my STBX made

    to me when he was trying to change my mind about divorcing him was that he was "losing his best friend". That made me pause and wonder, are we really best friends? - In her book Contemplating Divorce, author Susan Gadoua offers the following questions to ask yourself when...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 16 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 128 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    What is it with the cell phone?

    My wife is on hers almost her every waking hour. Even when visiting with her parents she sits on the phone the whole time. Is it a control thing? Is it a way to avoid true interactions with those around her?
    ManMovingForward ManMovingForward 41-45, M 9 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Ironically enough-the tables have been turned!

    ! I originally posted on this experience because I was worried that my relationship would deteriorate due to my lack of hornyness. I never wanted to have sex with my boyfriend but then again he never tried to have sex with me he would just try to get me to "do him" or he'd try to...
    Dinorat Dinorat 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    I have been married for 9 years

    and after my son who is now 6 my husband Doesn't show interest in sex. It was very painful at first! My self stem was very low and I used to blame myself for everything. He is a good father and very good to me on other ways. Few weeks ago he said I could have a boyfriend if I...
    andyusa43 andyusa43 41-45, F 8 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    I just don't want to.

    . . I don't feel it.. its like there's no point in it in exactly 1 yr we only been together maybe 3 times the most., I don't know how it mite effect our relationship in a future¿? But I so truly dislike the act of intimacy. Been with my partner almost 6yrs
    mrscasillas28 mrscasillas28 26-30, F 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 156 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    June4U June4U 22-25, F 22 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Failure to Recognise RealityWhen I first came

    to EP, like most others, I claimed my marriage was great bar the sex. I even said that before my ex and I were married we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. EP Link In retrospect, I can now see that most of our nearly 20 year relationship could be considered...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 41 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    About three weeks ago,

    I posted about my resolution to end my marriage. I've been constantly thinking during these weeks of the next steps and I've decided to give things time and really ponder each step so that instead of drawbacks I have to only move forward... About the same week when I first...
    TheWeepingWoman TheWeepingWoman 36-40, F 13 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 76 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    I went back and looked at the first stories I

    wrote on here. I haven't been here all that long. Joined in November of last year and didn't really come back on consistently until May of this year. Anyway. I reread the story I posted in "I Am Lonely" and had to smile. Boy have I flipped the script.....
    coffeeflavoredkisses coffeeflavoredkisses 46-50, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    How do you establish what your time limit

    should be? . Many of you in this group have suggested to set a time limit on how long you are willing to live in the sexless marriage. One of my best friends suggested this to me, just about a year ago too. I'm struggling on how to determine my end date. I think it would be...
    Musicalangel13 Musicalangel13 31-35, F 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I have forced my husband to live a life without

    sex for what was supposed to be the good of everyone. It was not he did not want sex, if fact there were many times he was demanding it and it lead to many very heated arguments. It was not that I did not want sex . I love it the closeness and the feel you are a part of someone...
    isis55 isis55 56-60, F 7 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 38 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    So, not 100% sexless,

    maybe once a week. But never satisfying or what I need.
    breeze90 breeze90 22-25, F 57 Responses 1 day ago

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    I married 2 months ago.

    The beautiful wedding night underwear I brought, still sits unwrapped in its box. I knew deep down when I purchased it, I would never Get to wear it, but I hoped..... You got to have hope right?
    blondie78 blondie78 31-35, F 53 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 278 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 48 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Today is our five year wedding anniversary.

    Five years of virtually no sex, and no intimacy. Not a cause for celebration in my eyes. All week I've been expecting this day to play out the same as any other day. I didn't make plans, and didn't expect him to. Our marriage is an illusion, and anything that perpetuates the lie...
    Catonapillow Catonapillow 31-35, F 39 Responses 2 days ago

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    Finding a healthy way to deal with my desires

    is getting more and more difficult.
    rasputinoob rasputinoob 31-35, M 18 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Don't blame yourself.

    Don't blame your spouse. Society drives the state of starvation. If a human being can be likened to a gourmet meal, society expects one to indulge in only a single delicious entree for life. Hunger for that delectable meal continues through the engagement, and perhaps...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    UndefinedValue UndefinedValue 31-35, F 20 Responses 2 days ago

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 57 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Sex-Shaming I ran across this,

    buried down in a string of comments: "Actually they say the more intelligent a person is often the less sex they need..." I was a little surprised nobody had responded to that little land mine. What is it about our society that associates sex drive with negative attributes? I...
    MeNotWe MeNotWe 26-30, F 6 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    I wonder if people who have plenty of sex are

    truly happy. I mean, pleasure and joy are not exactly the same thing, right?
    Aeonian Aeonian 51-55, M 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    Sexless marriage for 11 years.

    About two months ago I met a man and we started an affair. It's an emotional and physical affair, but we only recently began sleeping together and I want to share what I'm feeling for those of you contemplating cheating on your refusers. First...it's not cheating. It's self...
    Blue2014 Blue2014 41-45, F 32 Responses May 23

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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