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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,114 People

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    For the first time in many years,

    my husband attempted to initiate a sexual encounter. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn't get turned on. I don't know if it was what he was doing or simply because it was him. Perhaps we are at a "too little too late" place in our marriage. Has anyone else had this...
    KandyFoxx KandyFoxx 31-35, F 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    I read this article and I thought it might be

    helpful for some. It focuses on dealing with regret. http://positivemed.com/2014/11/04/10-choices-will-regret-10-years/
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Omg. I never knew what a sexless marriage was.

    I always blamed myself, that I was no good, that if only I did this or that or was a better person things would get better. I have been in a SM for ten ******* years, and I finally had a break-down this past December. I googled "why won't my wife have sex with me?" And learned...
    bornin65 bornin65 46-50, M 11 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    I found this article interesting.

    You have to hang with it for a bit, but it makes a lot of good points. It is not inherently about sexless marriage, but touches on advice given here in a different way. Happy Tuesday, ya'll. http://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Are any of you in your situations

    because the refuser converted to a particular religion? Any religious reasons at all for your marriages being sexless?
    beneboo beneboo 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Never make someone a priority

    who considers you optional. I was never a priority to my STBX. Everything else was more important to him than me - his job, the kids, his time at the gym. He never prioritized me and just expected me to be happy with the crumbs of attention he periodically graced me with. So...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

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    Last night, I told Husband

    that the possible re-starting of our sexual relationship would have to be preceded by discussions similar to talks at the U.N. ;-) I said that he would have to negotiate to gain permission to cross into my national borders. I am gaining understanding that Husband is deeply...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    ILIASM Pathways. You are in an ILIASM shithole.

    Pathway #1 Reject the notion that your situation is the same as everyone elses' here, and hold the line that - "everything is great bar the sex" This pathway is circular. You go around and around in a circular motion, not actually getting anywhere. The anecdotal evidence in the...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Any wives out there find the reason they have a

    sexless marriage is due to husbands **** addiction. I use to think he was cheating til I found evidence and bills for **** sites. No proof cheating yet, I feel if it's not happening it's bound too. He chooses yo sleep in another room and I'm craving companionship so bad, it's...
    mabrwnidgrl76 mabrwnidgrl76 36-40, F 8 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 38 Responses Mar 31

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    2005 - 2015 - What's Different ?

    2005 - I was still in my ILIASM deal 2015 - I am in the relationship of my life 2005 - I was living in suburbia 2015 - I am living in a small country town 2005 - I had a very financially rewarding job 2015 - I have a part time job and some volunteer work that I find very...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 6 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Ah, sweet revenge. I gave a speech this morning

    to about 2,000 people. My size 0 skirt is getting a little tight and my husband noticed that I've put on some weight. He wished me luck on my way out, and said, "Go Team Chunky Monkey". A-hole. . I just called my AP/boyfriend/lover. Going to spend the afternoon having some hot...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 22 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    Last night he gently touched my thigh in bed,

    snuggled close. I'm not sure if that's what he considers a "move" or "I tried!" ....is he that passive? Or am I missing major cues? To me... Let's start with some kissing. Oh how I miss a good "get it on" kiss. We haven't really kissed in what seems like years....
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    From Psychology Today,

    an important read for the many who are walking on eggshells in their romantic relationship. What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships A look inside lives spent walking on eggshells. Post published by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Jun 10, 2015 in Anger in the Age of Entitlement...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Now that same-sex marriage has been effectively

    legalized across the U.S., I propose we outlaw no-sex marriage!
    scrimshaw scrimshaw 46-50, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    I had very cold wife

    and I hated to feel turn on as she makes me feel frustrated in my young days .. And I started lusting for everything on that .. And have wildest fantasies on that ... And I started feeling that I have to get away from marriage so that I can live with what I desire ...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    My wife and I sat with our two sons,

    both in college, and explained that we were separating. We call it a controlled separation. By that we explained we were not getting a divorce but were not separating as a trial and that we would both date. Months in the planning it went very well. We asked for them to dig deep...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    After 10 years of marriage

    and 2 kids I am lucky to have sex once a month. He blames working too much, being tired etc. I used to go after sex a lot, but after numerous rejections I have stopped. I did however start writing down the number of times he watches ****. So far this month he has watched **** 8...
    laiken20 laiken20 36-40, F 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    I haven't worn my wedding ring all week.

    Sadly, my husband has not even noticed. Or maybe he has and is just still happily living in denial. Ha asked me what's wrong today. I said, "it's one of those days. I'm depressed...our situation hurts." He just says, "I'm sorry babe. I love you." It's like he knows he can't...
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I actually don't get enough.

    .. Have mentioned it but don't wanna keep sounding like a broken record.... This is bad, never thought it would get here... Maybe this marriage was a mistake... 5years in... Sex maybe twice a month... Strong maybe...
    Meohmyy Meohmyy 36-40, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 19 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Three Years in ILIASM This June marked my

    third-year anniversary on ep/iliasm. What a trip it has been, and the ride isn’t quite over. After 19 months of separation, my ex is still wearing his wedding ring. We don’t have a legal custody arrangement, nor does he pay child support. He would not go to mediation...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 12 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Long time since I've posted I'm going to keep

    it simple point form - still having frequent (not as much as id like but can't claim sexless) - the quality is there (she is with me at those moments - it isn't just me initiating - the relationship isn't perfect -she still has depression/anxiety - she still rewrites history...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I want to thank EP again.

    I joined a few days before Halloween 2014. I spoke to a few GREAT people on here. Writing my stories and recalling each event in my failed marriage helped me realize how unhappy I truly was. Journal entries on here were the same story month after month. Reading your input of...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    we have had sex 3 times this year,

    I have initiated all 3 occasions with dates and a massage, she got off on all occasions, and yet she still makes me feel like I have to beg, she constantly rejects me. I need to be touched, caressed, kissed. Men need these things just as women do, and when I try to talk to her...
    ForTheLoveofMusic ForTheLoveofMusic 31-35, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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