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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,951 People

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I wouldn't want to live in a sexless marriage,

    if I did id make sure me & my partner were on the same page.. I'd make sure we have time to have our alone time, but even then I'd bust out random bj's in the car, while he's watching tv .. Anywhere I wouldn't want us to be bored of each other that's for sure ...
    darx75 darx75 18-21, F 14 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Did you know anger is a contributing factor the

    depressive illness in the other spouse?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 3 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I am posting here again,

    partly to put some thoughts down on virtual paper and partly to see what others think. Comments and suggestions are very welcome. We have had sex exactly once in November. Before that, we had sex a few times in August. Before that was May. My 22 year old daughter dropped...
    Yachtdiver Yachtdiver 46-50, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    I need to read about others' experiences of how

    it went when they did finally leave a marriage like this. I need to be prepared for all of the things that he will try to throw at me. I've tried to leave before only to be so shocked by his reaction that I felt sorry for him and gave it another chance. I don't want to just...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    My H just told me this morning

    that he'd practiced anal sex with his ex-wife. I was shocked. I found it disgusting. Am I the only one left on Earth who longs for the true physical connection of the two soulmates? I mean when we are really close to each other, eyes to eyes, whispering sweets words, kissing...
    coincee coincee 31-35, F 20 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Never thought it would happen

    but now I've been looking at other woman navy se get nothing at the moment driving me crazy?! ;(
    kikthegoodguy11 kikthegoodguy11 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 40 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    It has been a long time

    since I posted. I am still with the same man in the same situation. I left last Dec for a few weeks and he begged me back. He said he became lazy and working third shift was hard because he was always so tired. During the time I was living with a relative to take a break to...
    Lackoflust Lackoflust 31-35, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    This might be an interesting essay to read by

    women who are considering divorcing their refusers who have Aspergers. " I vowed to try harder, to move forward, to keep loving, to focus everything I had (and then some) on fixing whatever was broken and ignoring the rest, even at the expense of self. Even after my husband’s...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 3 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Going dark for a while again,

    wife's next hip surgery is in a week (12/2). Short update: things are great, everyone in the house healthy again and wife made up for the drought last week multiple times this week so far. Going into the holiday season thankful for what I have gained and hoping to hang onto...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    What kind of sadist invented marriage?

    I think any male-female relationship is problematic because of nature and the ways we are socialized differently. But at least if you're just dating you can move along when things go south and the relationship's problems don't have to expand into becoming your own private...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I worry so much about my youngest son.

    He's the one who is most like me, who is the most giving, loving person you will ever meet. When I say he's the most like me, I mean he will give too much of himself, to the point of being used and abused. I am watching him falling in love with this young woman. She's beautiful...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I've really been digging deep

    and processing my thoughts on my marriage. The inability to make that first step.....Is paralyzingly. It seems, I'm in constant distress, "Do I leave or stay". I find myself weighing out all the "Pros and Cons", often. I usually get the same answer- each time I perform that...
    Paris46 Paris46 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    This article might be useful

    for those who plan to --for the sake of the children -- stay in loveless, sexless marriages. "Marriage is changing in so many ways these days and the rigid paradigm of Ozzie and Harriet is going by the wayside at breakneck speeds. People are beginning to realize that they...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    I met with the attorney today

    and really like her. She sent me paperwork and talked about discernment counseling to get H on the same page. We talked how having this discussion makes her job easier. Can't change the locks on the house and H can come and go as he pleases since he's on the mortgage. Since it...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Mrbeach99 Mrbeach99 36-40, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    It never occurred to me

    that it would happen to me: I got blocked :o( To the person that blocked me I would just say this: I responded to a story and I confess I was pretty hard on the writer. It was because honest is such a huge issue for me and the writer came across to me as pretty dishonest. I...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Lurkers first post: It feels

    so inescapable. I no longer want to want it. I feel like an ungrateful fool every time I get desperate enough to ask. Often I joke about it to hide the pain of another rejection. I feel black crushing waves of hopelessness anger every time I read another book or hear more...
    jkl1138 jkl1138 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    100% truth in this article.

    Might only be true for the husband refusers. What do you think? http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_sex.htm
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 8 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    12 signs it's time to move on from a

    relationship Which ones speak to you the most? Are you ignoring the signs? How do you know when enough is enough? What's the absolute deal-breaker on this list? Which one can you tolerate?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I recently learned that my wife had an affair

    back when we were dating (10 years ago) although it was a shock I can live with the fact that it happened, she was nothing more than GF.... What kills me is that they never lost touch and remained friends all this time, I'm 95% sure that following the affair it was strictly...
    mike37yyz mike37yyz 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    I am now 27 and he is 39.

    After years I'm back and its the same story to a different tune. He no longer shouts and screams at me and he hasn't laid a finger on me in anger since that day. I've lost weight and am now back to size 8, I finished University and have been working full time, passed my...
    unyummymummy unyummymummy 26-30, F 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Any women that live in a sexless marriage want

    to chat with a hung and horny 24 year old message me.
    zackthebull zackthebull 22-25, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    A month ago I suggested to H

    that we have counselling. Less than a week later we had an initial session- whilst I asked for it, to understand each other's position and work on the sexlessness issue with someone impartial....I was still very nervous. We waited 3 weeks and they just called to offer us...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I finally decided on a temporary place to live

    and try to save money again. It's not great but 3-6 months will go fast. I hope. My plan is to tell him the day after thanksgiving. I know it seems harsh but there is never a good time. Ever. It's a long weekend. I won't have to pay him the $550 towards the mortgage. Our 6 yr...
    Lackoflust Lackoflust 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    My STBX and I just had a break thru.

    He said, "how can I have sex with you when I'm angry 24/7 365 days a year." That anger turns into resentment which turns into contempt and it's called abusive anger. That's why he's treated me like a piece of ****. He's used his anger as a tool to feel powerful and control...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 8 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 48 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 148 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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