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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,928 People

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 39 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    12 signs it's time to move on from a

    relationship Which ones speak to you the most? Are you ignoring the signs? How do you know when enough is enough? What's the absolute deal-breaker on this list? Which one can you tolerate?
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 4 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Going dark for a while again,

    wife's next hip surgery is in a week (12/2). Short update: things are great, everyone in the house healthy again and wife made up for the drought last week multiple times this week so far. Going into the holiday season thankful for what I have gained and hoping to hang onto...
    ThankfulDude ThankfulDude 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I met with the attorney today

    and really like her. She sent me paperwork and talked about discernment counseling to get H on the same page. We talked how having this discussion makes her job easier. Can't change the locks on the house and H can come and go as he pleases since he's on the mortgage. Since it...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Lurkers first post: It feels

    so inescapable. I no longer want to want it. I feel like an ungrateful fool every time I get desperate enough to ask. Often I joke about it to hide the pain of another rejection. I feel black crushing waves of hopelessness anger every time I read another book or hear more...
    jkl1138 jkl1138 41-45, M 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    H left the house two weeks ago

    and I'm meeting with attorney #2 this morning. H decided to show up yesterday and take the dogs for a walk. While I love being in my home I will need to prepare to leave. Random drop-ins are very stressful. H is pleading with my family to intervene on his behalf, and brings up...
    PinkJeanie1970 PinkJeanie1970 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    How do you handle a lying spouse?

    How do you handle a spouse who's words and actions don't match? Or what about a spouse who doesn't know how to communicate emotions?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    Whilst this couple probably weren't in a

    sexless marriage, it's an interesting solution http://www.itv.com/news/2014-11-23/susanna-reid-explains-how-she-still-lives-with-her-ex-even-though-he-has-a-new-girlfriend/
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Matrix (1999) Spoon boy: Do not try

    and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. Neo: What truth? Spoon boy: There is no spoon. Neo: There is no spoon? Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. And so after a long time of not...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    If the road to the Emerald City is the yellow

    brick road, what do you think the road to Oppositeland should be?
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Today I have one thought.

    .. Pride. Now I see why it's one of the 7 deathly sins. I think a majority of these refusers have too much pride. That's all..
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Today was a pretty good day.

    We helped my sister with renovations of her new home. I had it planned and he decided to come. He kissed me at my sister's. Not a heated kiss, but definitely a tender one. Odd that, it's been months since he has, and I was posting about it yesterday. Strange too, that I...
    Lauren246 Lauren246 36-40, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    It has been a long time

    since I posted. I am still with the same man in the same situation. I left last Dec for a few weeks and he begged me back. He said he became lazy and working third shift was hard because he was always so tired. During the time I was living with a relative to take a break to...
    Lackoflust Lackoflust 31-35, F 7 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    If you could change one thing,

    anything, what would it be?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 20 Responses 2 days ago

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    A month ago I suggested to H

    that we have counselling. Less than a week later we had an initial session- whilst I asked for it, to understand each other's position and work on the sexlessness issue with someone impartial....I was still very nervous. We waited 3 weeks and they just called to offer us...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 15 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Amazing discussion with my husband yesterday.

    It started off uncomfortable, as he was asking me about my friend. That led to a deeper discussion at various points of the day. I told him many things, most important, I think, was telling him I'm a very sexual person, and that I've buried that part of me to protect him, so he...
    Notlovingit Notlovingit 41-45, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    This article might be useful

    for those who plan to --for the sake of the children -- stay in loveless, sexless marriages. "Marriage is changing in so many ways these days and the rigid paradigm of Ozzie and Harriet is going by the wayside at breakneck speeds. People are beginning to realize that they...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 4 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I am laying in my sons' room.

    All 3 of cuddling watching a cartoon. My husband is drinking his 9th or so beer alone in the family room. We are fb messaging back and forth about nothing important. He tells me, "come out here and talk to me. I'm Lonely, my love. " My very next message back to him was a great...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 39 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    sartur sartur 36-40, F 9 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    What kind of sadist invented marriage?

    I think any male-female relationship is problematic because of nature and the ways we are socialized differently. But at least if you're just dating you can move along when things go south and the relationship's problems don't have to expand into becoming your own private...
    ILostMyAccountInfoAgain ILostMyAccountInfoAgain 41-45, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    It never occurred to me

    that it would happen to me: I got blocked :o( To the person that blocked me I would just say this: I responded to a story and I confess I was pretty hard on the writer. It was because honest is such a huge issue for me and the writer came across to me as pretty dishonest. I...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 61-65, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 148 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    I've really been digging deep

    and processing my thoughts on my marriage. The inability to make that first step.....Is paralyzingly. It seems, I'm in constant distress, "Do I leave or stay". I find myself weighing out all the "Pros and Cons", often. I usually get the same answer- each time I perform that...
    Paris46 Paris46 46-50, F 9 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    My wife and I have now been married over five

    years. Since I proposed our sex life went from fantastic to almost nil in the last year. She claims its hormonal, but has not been in a big rush until recently to make a doctors appointment. There's always an excuse. I think there are sexual abuse issues from her childhood that...
    arpilot arpilot 36-40, M 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    What's the one word that comes to mind

    when thinking about your sexless marriage?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 45 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Hannahbanana84 Hannahbanana84 26-30, F 48 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    Never thought it would happen

    but now I've been looking at other woman navy se get nothing at the moment driving me crazy?! ;(
    kikthegoodguy11 kikthegoodguy11 31-35, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    That first step. Can I do it?

    If I can get myself to really accept that wanting/needing sexis a normal human desire. Its been 26 mths and the need to feel someone elses body with mine is not something I want to live the rest of my life without. i got married feeling that would insure this. I see myself...
    onlylonely13 onlylonely13 51-55, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    100% truth in this article.

    Might only be true for the husband refusers. What do you think? http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/pa_sex.htm
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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