Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
This experience may contain mature content, as flagged by the community.
Please click away if you do not want to see this content.
To report inappropriate content, please email us.

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,407 People

    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 23 Responses Feb 2, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 20 Responses Aug 17, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 36 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 16 Responses Aug 9, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was watching Good Morning America this

    morning. They were talking about marriage. They interviewed a couple who were in their 70's or 80's. The married couple talked about their lives together. She women interviewed said "I like to hold his hand." I want someone in my life who would like to hold my hand once in...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A simple question could it really just be about

    sex, sexual frustration. We stayed in our marriages for the positives. Someone I know left and quickly realize their life was shittier afterward (and yes there are the ones on here who's lives got better) Then there are the abused, manipulated and life is a torment but are they...
    1celtusa 1celtusa 51-55, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, I'm heading towards a SM.

    ..I've read dozens of posts here, and whats prompted me to share (rather nervously) is that I am the refuser. How did we get here? He is a wonderful man, husband, father. We are always the great team. He doesn't deserve this. I've spent a few years believing (still do sometimes...
    sunkisd25 sunkisd25 36-40, F 34 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 46 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    3 years out of my sexless marriage.

    .. Every so often, I like to check in here and give an update. And here's the latest: 3 years and a month after ending my SM, I am still a billion times happier than I was before! No regrets, no shame, no anger. Opposite Land is another planet than SM-land, just as well all...
    nyartgal nyartgal 36-40, F 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 48 Responses Sep 28, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Had a talk with wife other night

    and told her if she wants she can outside marriage and get it since when don't do anything. We haven't been close in 5 years, there has been times we have done few things but she never really there. The reason I said this is because I believe she has cheated on me but nothing in...
    Willf289 Willf289 31-35 13 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An example of why I think that

    even though the refused are justified in outsourcing, divorce is better than outsourcing. If you do outsource, it would be wise to consult with a lawyer in case your spouse finds out.... The Ashley Madison hack explained Hackers are already capitalizing on the massive data...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    PART 6: So, just another 6 weeks to go in this

    sexless marriage. Because in 6 weeks, there wouldn't be a marriage anymore. I can gladly leave the group ILIASM. At least I kept my vows and was faithful in the 5 years together while putting up with SM. The Refuser became the Refused, then tried outsourcing but appeared to...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why I Am For Support Groups.

    The real short answer here is that for me, they work. It doesn't mean that they'll work for anyone else. Background Due to a gambling issue in my family, I ended up joining a group called GamAnon. This group is for family / friends where there is a gambling issue in play...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 11 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was writing this as a response to Phinheas

    but it got too long (and over-dramatic, sorry about that...). Sex isn't everything. Just like sunshine isn't everything. I lived the first half of my life in England where the winters are very long and very grey. Daylight hours are about 8am to 4pm and most of them are dark...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I have found myself reflecting on this 'Ashley

    Madison' affair gate going on this week..... Why? I wonder why so many people are desiring an affair? ..... I wonder how many people that are in a 'Sexless Marriage' that have turned to the site, for outsourcing? I believe outsourcing is much bigger than we think. Will...
    LEXUS46 LEXUS46 46-50, F 28 Responses 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    There is life after an SM.

    I wasn't sure where else to post this, and all my friends are part of this group. A few weeks ago I met a very good friend from the ILIASM group; we have been friends almost 4 years and it had morphed from friendship into something possibly more. He is still trying to get out...
    misssunnybunny misssunnybunny 41-45, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I wanted to start by typing: Let The War Begin!

    Anyway, time past since H had an outburst this morning. All I did was walk out of my room. A sudden burst. He yelled by waving his paper in the air. Stormed down the stairs in anger. I was surprised but went back to my room. Then later he apologized when I made appearance...
    Fmina Fmina 51-55, F 11 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 436 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I want to run away To someplace

    where ppl are nicer . I need to feel loved. Even though I live In a sexless marriage . I thought I had someone to grow old with ? Now I learn That isn't really the case . What am I going to do ?
    Arny6833 Arny6833 61-65 2 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wednesday he asked me what do I wanted to do on

    Friday... hmm didn't really know right off.. tells me he still wants to be with me tho.. Met for dinner.. then went to the neighborhood bar... BETTER music and we danced.. had a few beers.. then he said he wanted to get me home... and take care of me.... He did and blew my...
    caressablecat caressablecat 51-55, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sex, Love and Emotional Connection I've been

    following the comments on a recent post 'So I'm heading for a sexless marriage' and an oft used and mostly acceptable sentiment captured my eye - essentially that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved. I personally don't believe there is a gender...
    LaoTzu LaoTzu 41-45, M 13 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How often should we be having sex.

    I'd like it every 2-3 days. Is this to little or to much?
    camosmith camosmith 36-40, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 296 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I think I've stopped obsessing about the why.

    I don't know where my path heads. But this feels like a positive step :-)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 15 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 231 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Currently at a club. Am disgusted.

    Will this be my life after divorce? God, I sincerely hope not. I think I have to puke now. Awe, skeet skeet mother ****** awe skeet skeet, GD. GD!!! Gross.
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nothing really deep here,

    just something I was wondering. Someone I was corresponding with got me thinking about stereotypes and expectations. I know my ex doesn't represent all women any more than I represent all men. But when I read stories from women who are being refused, I often think, "why in...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 12 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I know there are many of you

    who have been in the desert longer than I have, so I will ask, "How do you cope?" Bashing my head against the wall yields diminishing returns. I am so starved for the touch of a female who is not a family member I go crazy at times. I'm not talking sex here. Though that...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 17 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Follow up to Dempsey22's post yesterday.

    It was my birthday recently and I got a card from my wife which said on the front '4 out of 5 birthday cards contain money'. Then on the inside it said, 'Sorry, you got the fifth!' I don't think it was intended to be ironic.
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yesterday somebody thought I was a 20 year old

    making this stuff up. I wish, though if I was writing fiction I would try 50 Shades and make a few million. The present predicament does seem quite surreal. . Today I was showing my wife one of those new sites for searching the Adultery Mad stuff, and on our fairly small...