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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,137 People

    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Sex for me is not only pleasurable,

    it makes a woman feel wanted, desired, needed and loved. My husband and j have been together for 10 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not pretty enough for him to want to do that with me or what it is. I am 7 years younger than him so maybe that's the issue?? I'm in my prime and...
    Emj30135 Emj30135 26-30, F 6 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    I have 10 crape myrtles,

    in a modest-sized backyard, beautifully lined around my pool. Ten. *******. Crape. Myrtles. Around a pool. Seven are mid-sized, hot-pink crape myrtles that bloom and shoot out into the sky - until a rain storm. When it rains, they droop lazily, over the concrete deck and...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Three Years in ILIASM This June marked my

    third-year anniversary on ep/iliasm. What a trip it has been, and the ride isn’t quite over. After 19 months of separation, my ex is still wearing his wedding ring. We don’t have a legal custody arrangement, nor does he pay child support. He would not go to mediation...
    Unjusted Unjusted 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    I had very cold wife

    and I hated to feel turn on as she makes me feel frustrated in my young days .. And I started lusting for everything on that .. And have wildest fantasies on that ... And I started feeling that I have to get away from marriage so that I can live with what I desire ...
    Ravidesai Ravidesai 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Marriage without touch Broken souls wander in

    pain The years march onward **** Edit: I am not currently sad. In fact, I'm quite flirty. I'm also creative, thus the haiku.
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I found this article interesting.

    You have to hang with it for a bit, but it makes a lot of good points. It is not inherently about sexless marriage, but touches on advice given here in a different way. Happy Tuesday, ya'll. http://www.theminimalists.com/walk-away/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    A Sexless Marriage (SM) Vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM):

    A Sexless Marriage (SM) vs. A Loveless Marriage (LM): It would be reasonable to assume that this forum is home to many who have a somewhat similar experience to share, one that is a close match to the title of this group. However I now firmly believe that the majority of people...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 19 Responses Aug 17, 2013

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    From Psychology Today,

    an important read for the many who are walking on eggshells in their romantic relationship. What Drives Emotional Abuse in Relationships A look inside lives spent walking on eggshells. Post published by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. on Jun 10, 2015 in Anger in the Age of Entitlement...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    Follow Instagram Snap chat Tumblr Twitter

    chanelconoco Username is the same for all. I answer questions post videos and blog I've also spoken to people who battle depression and I've worked with women who are in domestic violence situation.
    someoneforyou12 someoneforyou12 22-25, F 4 days ago

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    Never make someone a priority

    who considers you optional. I was never a priority to my STBX. Everything else was more important to him than me - his job, the kids, his time at the gym. He never prioritized me and just expected me to be happy with the crumbs of attention he periodically graced me with. So...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 14 Responses 4 days ago

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    Okay, there comes a time in every girl's life

    when she needs to replace her toys. I figured that this group would be the best place for advice on the best new 'toys' for me.oops wrong picture...oh well, you get the gist.So ....I want to replace all my toys with new ones, I'm bored with the same ole same ole.  Colour is...
    luminesce luminesce 51-55, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I've been clenching my jaw

    for a decade. - Over the last few days, I've realized I've been clenching my jaw all the time in response to my STBX's dismissive behavior toward me . As I extract myself from this SM, I'm trying to relieve the tension this burden has placed on me and my self-esteem. Learning...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Tales from early in opposite land: I've moved

    out and am getting settled into my new place. It's near the old place so I'm in a familiar neighborhood looking at my town from the same perspective as always. I liked that part of my life and am glad I could almost keep it intact. So far I love the freedom. I love that I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 10 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    All of you should get some strange

    or have some casual sex. The sexless will go away, so many people get married and decide they aren't attractive anymore. That is so incorrect.
    Trickster3272 Trickster3272 41-45 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Today I asked my husband

    if there was any chance I could get lucky tonight, he smiled and said "later". Which means "no". We had a talk about how he thinks it's normal that he doesn't want to have sex. He asked me... "What if things were turned, what if you didn't want to have sex and I did, all the...
    URLOVED4EVA URLOVED4EVA 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Long time since I've posted I'm going to keep

    it simple point form - still having frequent (not as much as id like but can't claim sexless) - the quality is there (she is with me at those moments - it isn't just me initiating - the relationship isn't perfect -she still has depression/anxiety - she still rewrites history...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Last night he gently touched my thigh in bed,

    snuggled close. I'm not sure if that's what he considers a "move" or "I tried!" ....is he that passive? Or am I missing major cues? To me... Let's start with some kissing. Oh how I miss a good "get it on" kiss. We haven't really kissed in what seems like years....
    Vrysad Vrysad 31-35, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Omg. I never knew what a sexless marriage was.

    I always blamed myself, that I was no good, that if only I did this or that or was a better person things would get better. I have been in a SM for ten ******* years, and I finally had a break-down this past December. I googled "why won't my wife have sex with me?" And learned...
    bornin65 bornin65 46-50, M 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    Does anyone know what happened to fellow EP

    member Hylierandom? It's been a year since she last logged in, and left a message that she wasn't posting anymore stories until EP fixed some issues. Anyone else remember her? She had been very active in here. I hope that she's happy.
    FreewritingFreyja FreewritingFreyja 26-30, F 1 Response 41 mins ago

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    The lack of sex is painful.

    The lack of an emotional bond is more painful. Just not understanding and being understood, painful more so. Just the heart wrenching realization that it will not get better, no matter my fantasies, my heart sinks, my body revolts. I know what I need to do for me, but I...
    sojourner999 sojourner999 46-50, M 7 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Ah, sweet revenge. I gave a speech this morning

    to about 2,000 people. My size 0 skirt is getting a little tight and my husband noticed that I've put on some weight. He wished me luck on my way out, and said, "Go Team Chunky Monkey". A-hole. . I just called my AP/boyfriend/lover. Going to spend the afternoon having some hot...
    SoDone1492 SoDone1492 46-50, F 23 Responses 2 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 163 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    I Live In a Sexless Marriage Update

    and some thoughts from Oppositeland that may help you get insights into your own sexless relationship. I've been exhausted from job hunting and renovating my house, so when I've gone to bed the last 2 nights, lovemaking was not on my mind, sleep was. But, my post SM guy...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    The Two Great ILIASM Lies.

    #1 - "everything is great bar the sex" #2 - "if I know 'why' then I can fix it" I reckon these two lies have held up more ILIASM members progress than the thousands of Persians the 300 Spartans held up at Thermopylae Tread your own path.
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 14 mins ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I just had the thought,

    "One good thing about living alone is that it's clothing-optional." . Then I realized: if I was in a *good* love and sex relationship.....THAT should be clothing-optional. (Assuming it's just the two of you.)
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 24 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 300 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I wonder if dealing with lice is a metaphor

    for my marriage. . Yes. I'm admitting it in the "public" sphere of EP. My kids have lice. It's been rampant at our school this year; numerous notices have been sent home. The pharmacy agreed that they can't keep the delousing shampoo stocked on shelves. Sigh. . I discovered it 3...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 12 Responses 4 days ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008