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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,838 People

    PART 4: Stage 1 A : Refuser B : Refused Stage

    2 A : Refuser B : Refuser Stage 3 A : Refused Refuser B : Refuser Stage 4 A : Refused Refuser Outsourcer B : Refuser
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    So my wife and I had 2 serious conversations

    about our situation a few days ago. Seems like progress. In the course of the conversations my wife said that she was unhappy with herself in general and she thought that she was slowly 'getting herself' back, physically and emotionally. She said that she wanted to be 'a wife...
    lookingforanswers1 lookingforanswers1 51-55, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Stupid me! Thinking of things are getting

    better! No, it is just a fake temporary mirage! Things will be the same.
    Raisingup Raisingup 31-35, F 16 Responses 4 days ago

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    I had a talk with my kids this weekend

    regarding one property that I bought ( a small lot) which I decided to sell to a cousin before the making of the deed of sale because it will be another property which is conjugal. My kids were telling me to do it. I was like .." Are you okay with that?" They replied... " Mom...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 77 Responses Feb 9

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    My situation is hopeless.

    Been 4 years since we had sex. Funny thing is that she initiated the last time. The rough part is that she started to feel this way after a bad delivery. Our son almost died and she got torn up pretty good. Things were ok for several years with her sometimes initiating it...
    Losinghopeforever Losinghopeforever 41-45, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Consequences - As I extract myself from my

    sexless marriage, my "bad guy" T-shirt is tightening around me and making it hard to breathe. My sixteen year-old daughter (the youngest) blames our divorce on me, and has joined my STBX in accusing me of cheating on him. My daughter barely speaks to me now, and our...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 18 Responses 5 days ago

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    At some point has anyone ever got the feeling

    their refuser was on the Down Low ?
    distant7322 distant7322 46-50, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    I was having drinks with a friend last night

    and I opened up to him about my situation. We talked a lot about it. He seems to think my situation isn't all that unique. I told him that 15 to 20% of marriages are sexless. Many of us on here kind of have that stat seared into our brain. I know I do. 20% is 1 out of...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 19 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    I had an affair it's over

    now I miss the chemisty and the excitement I can't leave my marriage various reasons but would not say not to another affair if the chemisty was right
    naughtyprincess15 naughtyprincess15 26-30, F 18 Responses 2 days ago

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    What an interesting month it has been.

    I have been out of my house now for a month. I was hoping this trial separation would give me final clarity as to my true feelings. It is, after all, difficult to distinguish feelings of love vs feelings of comfort. For me, anyway. There is no doubt. I AM doing the right...
    beachlivin04 beachlivin04 41-45, M 18 Responses 4 days ago

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    This weekend was the worst.

    I can't do this anymore.
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Would love a one night stand right

    now with a really nice good looking guy anyone like to help me
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    It blows my mind how people think divorce is

    preferrable to cheating. [I've thought this before, has just now come to mind again via a drive-by trolling comment from a non-regular to ILIASM on someone's post re:outsourcing]. Given that divorce comes usually with one or both parties losing their home and splitting joint...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 32 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 46-50, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Sex therapy starts next week.

    2 x 2weeks of individual interviews with the therapist Then the practical sessions will start. It's certainly a curious concept, building intimacy back in (if it's possible). It has to be worth trying. After all, if it works I might be back to some sort of normal again...
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 6 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 21 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    I imagine coming home

    after a long day to a home full of aromas. Something in the oven fills the air of seasoning. My appetite tumbles and grows within me. I imagine you smiling proudly knowing I'm impressed and so excited to be home with you.You stand beside the island in a light summer dress as you...
    Dominantvelvet Dominantvelvet 46-50, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have been without sex with my wife

    for over two years now. She has gone through menopause and has lost the desire. Not only will she not take estrogen ( fear of cancer can't blame her) but she won't even use the topical for her vaginal dryness or whatever. She got it a couple of years ago but never used it, says...
    Joboo6 Joboo6 51-55, M 6 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 31 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    So is like this the kids R against it!

    !!!!!! Today i told my daughter in the phone i haven't connected the internet being a teenager she like mom why havent u connected the internet.. Sl i told her maybe ill b moving back with your dad!!! I dont know if it was that she been super stressed with finals & a cold & she...
    britefutureahead2 britefutureahead2 41-45, F 13 Responses 5 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 199 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Full disclosure...my marriage isn't "sexless"

    in terms of frequency. As I stated in my first post my wife is a self proclaimed "sure thing." From a quantity standpoint, I have no business posting in this group. Having said that, it's the quality that's an issue. Although not exactly the same as truly sexless, it lacks...
    ethotmail ethotmail 41-45, M 14 Responses 5 days ago

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    So frustrated! I work all day at a great paying

    job. The only downfall is I only get to see my wife about 30 minutes a day. I come home early tonight to surprise her and find her in bed reading. She puts it aside and rolls over on to her side to talk to me. I reach to the side table and get the massage oil and begin to give...
    good4nothin1 good4nothin1 31-35, M 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Well tomorrow I have a doctors appointment to

    see what can be done about my depression & anxiety. I am hoping he will prescribe something that will reduce my sex drive. That might help me feel better about my lack of sex.
    Fotoman Fotoman 46-50, M 6 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    It's only been about a month

    but a lot has happened. My stbx is purchasing a condo about 8 miles away. The closing was yesterday. Her daughter had to attend the paperwork session for her because she is in the hospital recuperating from a hysterectomy. She had been experiencing a good deal of pain and...
    worksforme2 worksforme2 66-70, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    Talk number 586.3 revealed "the sex we have

    isn't that good." never mind the fact there is no touch or any other kind of foreplay involved. Nope, it's straight intercourse and that's it. I realize she may have been saying this just to hurt me and no other reason. But this 12 year ordeal has screwed with my mind so much...
    angryspartan angryspartan 36-40, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    https://youtu.be/F0WJVxWiQWY I pray one day I

    will feel this passionate and crazy love again towards someone. And I pray he will feel the same way about it too. Good night everybody! Sweet dreams!
    Reihino27 Reihino27 26-30, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 438 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 233 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Hi y'all, Back for another check in.

    Honestly, this is the place I got the best support so I'm back for more. Update: divorce is almost over. The price of my freedom was apparently everything. I'm in a lot of debt. Stressing out. I've got enough money for the month but then I don't know what I'll do. Looking for a...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 8 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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