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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,911 People

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Actually, I don't as I divorced seven-months

    ago, but my life has not changed at all except now I don't have any money. I'm still with him and the ongoing situation is causing me great stress. I've been waiting 24-years to get away from this misery, and now I finally got the divorce, and I'm still here. I feel like I'm...
    Carissimi Carissimi 56-60, F 7 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    So emotionally tired from many things

    and this complete lack of respect towards me by my refuser is keeping me angry all the time. I'm so tired I wish to fall asleep and have a heart attack and die. I struggle so much in life without this sexless relationship but this is just the final nail in the coffin of my...
    Imoveryou Imoveryou 26-30, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Gaslighting. I am afraid my original theory

    that H has NPD will stand. Lately he has taken to changing the facts about our past, trying to make it sound like it was mostly my fault that he and I did not communicate and did not have sex. ....Really? I prefer not to dwell on the past, but he tries to do what he can to...
    peaceseeker09 peaceseeker09 46-50, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    If the road to the Emerald City is the yellow

    brick road, what do you think the road to Oppositeland should be?
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 6 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3

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    Alright fellow ILIASM'ers.

    It's Friday and I don't know about you but I am dreading the thought of being home this weekend with my refuser. She's barely spoken to me over the last 3 days and her anger and silent treatment are so difficult to be around. I can't wait to spend time with my daughters, but I...
    deepbreathneeded deepbreathneeded 36-40, M 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Not sure where to start

    or if this is the best place to... Let me start by saying I'm not looking to be unfaithful. Hubby and I have been together 22yrs. Somewhere down the line, he visibly has lost respect for me and won't kiss me. I'm not sure what's gone wrong. I feel as though it's something I've...
    Lauren246 Lauren246 36-40, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    HUGE EDIT - Turns out

    that my wife may well have a kidney infection or appendicitis. We ended up calling the ambulance (glad to be in the UK with an NHS right now) and she's gone to hospital. I'm with the family. Somehow, moaning about sexlessness seems suddenly irrelevant. I didn't want this post to...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Today was a pretty good day.

    We helped my sister with renovations of her new home. I had it planned and he decided to come. He kissed me at my sister's. Not a heated kiss, but definitely a tender one. Odd that, it's been months since he has, and I was posting about it yesterday. Strange too, that I...
    Lauren246 Lauren246 36-40, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 28

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    After 13 years of marriage,

    1 wonderful child, and 4 agonizing years of denial. frustration, and longing, I have finally reached the limit of my tether in this spacewalk of what is supposed to be "normal" life, and have to decide whether to reel myself back to the burning space station or to cut the line...
    MrFurious MrFurious 51-55, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Being at my parents' house this past week has

    been good for me. I was happier, lighter, and much less stressed. Taking care of my mom after her surgery wasn't easy, though. We made it through, and she is doing better every day. We had some good talks, and I think she truly understands why I need to get out of this marriage...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 12 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Is it passive-aggressiveness?

    ? Every day or week I change my mental diagnosis of my husband. One week I'm convinced he's got a health problem and it's all physical and if only I could get him to the doctor. The next week, I'm convinced he's just a traumatized little boy in a man's body and I feel sorry for...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    Destiny There are three possible destinies

    for me after I finish running the gauntlet, finalize my divorce, and end my sexually and emotionally deprived marriage: 1. I will eventually connect with someone who will love me the way I want to be loved, and we will have a emotionally and sexually fulfilling relationship 2...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 9 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 237 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I want to get out,but

    where will I go?Im so miserable,I want to vanish
    Siexybreaker Siexybreaker 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    How do you handle a lying spouse?

    How do you handle a spouse who's words and actions don't match? Or what about a spouse who doesn't know how to communicate emotions?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 18 Responses 1 day ago

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    If you could change one thing,

    anything, what would it be?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 8 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 25 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I would be embarrassed

    if anyone caught me doing this but when I'm just so discouraged about life that I can't think about anything else, I will play all my sad woe-is-me songs and sing them loud in my car and cry and purge out all of those horrible crappy emotions that I'm tired of having. Do you do...
    Ladyscorpioz Ladyscorpioz 36-40, F 52 Responses 2 days ago

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    I HATE weekends. I DREAD the weekends.

    He was out drinking all night & came home around 5 am. I assume, he will be a huge crab & hungover most of the day. He has been laying on the couch watching TV for 3 hours and have no intentions of getting off the couch until the moment we have to walk out the door for a Bday...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 147 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Whilst this couple probably weren't in a

    sexless marriage, it's an interesting solution http://www.itv.com/news/2014-11-23/susanna-reid-explains-how-she-still-lives-with-her-ex-even-though-he-has-a-new-girlfriend/
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Taking the steps from being "we" focused to

    "me" focused didn't come easy. It wasn't natural...but now that I've accomplished it, i feel like a fresh new me. Or like the old me, before I gave up me...to work on we. A we that was just a mirage, created with smoke and mirrors. It's interesting to see how the avoidant...
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sucks

    The title might say it all..... Yes, I am married. Have been together for 13 years, and lets just say the sex life says it! I'm lucky if its once a month. Or if I get him drunk (but even that sometimes doesn't work)! I am a very sexual person. If it were up to me I would like to...
    Jhbanana Jhbanana 26-30, F 49 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 301 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    My wife and I have now been married over five

    years. Since I proposed our sex life went from fantastic to almost nil in the last year. She claims its hormonal, but has not been in a big rush until recently to make a doctors appointment. There's always an excuse. I think there are sexual abuse issues from her childhood that...
    arpilot arpilot 36-40, M 9 Responses 19 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Today I have one thought.

    .. Pride. Now I see why it's one of the 7 deathly sins. I think a majority of these refusers have too much pride. That's all..
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    STAYING FOR THE KIDS REVISITED.

    Yesterday I had the most wonderful, life-affirming parent-teacher interview. I had to stop the car and have a little cry. But let me take you back a couple years. Two years ago I was living with the ex and our two children. My oldest always had issues with attention, and had...
    zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    Husband and I continue to experience growth

    together as a couple. For those who are new to my stories: my marriage dwindled in the sex department for some years, until we hit a period of two solid years with NO intimacy whatsoever (nor emotional connection), in which he specifically said he didn't think sex was important...
    LovelyAlone LovelyAlone 36-40, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 100 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    The Matrix (1999) Spoon boy: Do not try

    and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth. Neo: What truth? Spoon boy: There is no spoon. Neo: There is no spoon? Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. And so after a long time of not...
    NWFLMan NWFLMan 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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