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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,260 People

    I love surprising my refuser!

    Lately, I have been setting little traps here and there for my husband who is retired for a year now. I think it has been 10 years since no sex. Maybe 9. There is no hope anyway. But this does not mean I cannot have fun. Especially, watching him struggle with my sexuality...
    Fmina Fmina 51-55, F 35 Responses 4 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 10 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    My wife had breast cancer several years ago.

    Since that time, she has been on anti-hormone therapy, which put her into menopause. Because, she can't have hormones, she has no sex drive. We live together, we're good friends, and companions. Lately, even that is fading. We talk less and less. See each other less and...
    greggo2 greggo2 46-50 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    “But I Can Do Better” (the

    refuser’s plea)The STBX had been very accepting the first week (maybe even two) after The Talk. Pledging aloud “I want you to be happy” and ruing that happiness means without him rather than with him. Then it happened last week and he came out with his: What if...
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 11 Responses 2 days ago

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    My big fat stupid wedding.

    We actually didn't have a wedding but I just couldn't resist the wordplay. Ours was an impecunious civil marriage ceremony, 1st because I was pregnant and couldn't fit nicely in a wedding gown anymore and 2nd we couldn't afford the big party. As someone who took pride in being...
    neeia neeia 36-40, F 13 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 43 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I'm 23 live my boyfriend,

    but we haven't had sex for a year. We've been together since high school so I can't remember a life without him. I don't know what to do...
    jkp661 jkp661 22-25, F 18 Responses 3 days ago

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    http://myverydarkside.

    tumblr.com/post/124952299072/my-sweet-edward-the-reality
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    tessaccaa tessaccaa 26-30, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    An inspirational Oprah Winfrey quote

    for those in miserable sexless marriages: "“You are responsible for your life,” Winfrey says. “And if you’re sitting around waiting on somebody to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time, because only you have the power to take responsibility...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    My wife and I had a conversation I thought

    might be interesting material for this forum. She expressed that she is only willing to have sex when she is in the mood partially because she does not like feeling obligated to have sex. She is only in the mood once a month or once every month and a half or so. If I ask and she...
    JackHawthorne JackHawthorne 31-35, M 35 Responses 4 days ago

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    my wife does not have sex anymore.

    .i need a release...
    Hawgg Hawgg 46-50, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    It's amazing what happens

    when you move out of your bedroom entirely, refuse your slave services by not cooking or doing his laundry, and making a concerted effort to not call him "babe". Nary a "darlin'" has crossed my lips either. Pretty stinking proud of myself as old habits - many, many habits - die...
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 8 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    It would be so much easier

    if I slept through the night. 2am is so quiet and my brain just spins like a hamster wheel....
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    So it's been months since I've had sex with my

    wife. She was particularly grumpy one Monday morning. I get a text to say, get a babysitter. So that night we go out for a drive and she drops a bombshell on me. I knew we weren't doing that great so the fact she was calling it quits wasn't that much of a shock. The bombshell...
    Dempsey22 Dempsey22 31-35, M 16 Responses 4 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Apparently I even screwed up the 5 stages of

    grief. I had posted somewhere that trying to get my life sorted out and leaving my marriage was akin to the grieving process. I felt some emotions that I didn't expect to feel. But if this were a grieving process, I went through the various stages in the order that worked for...
    samedeepwater samedeepwater 51-55, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    I wonder how many of us sleep on the couch?

    . We werent the refusers to begin with but have become increasingly fed up with the pretense of sharing sides on the totally unused except for sleep bed. The couch is as good as the left side of the bed with the added advantage I can stay up late on my tablet without the light...
    lass1 lass1 41-45, F 31 Responses 4 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 297 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    Huh. . This weekend,

    I had some anxiety about STBX's return from his week at work. . What ever was I worried about????? . We had a calm, rational, albeit sad convo. . The most reaffirming part? It started with me asking if he wanted to talk. And the first thing out if his mouth? Not, "I will fight...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 437 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 47 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Anxiety Meter Rising .

    H will be home from work this weekend. As the time nears, I'm getting more anxious. I gave him the news about separation this weekend. And upon his return I'll have to face him and his questions, and very likely some moppy-ness. Sigh. . I know I can't run away from this. I just...
    TrulyMadlyDeeply38 TrulyMadlyDeeply38 41-45, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 165 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    BEWARE OF ONLINE PREDATORS: This is probably

    not the best place to bring this up but, I do know that there are a lot of people here that are in sexless marriages and are vulnerable because of their situations. We have seen the countless trolls on this site, and we all know how annoying they are. But there is also a risk...
    CaptainRum CaptainRum 51-55, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Life after ending a sexless marriage is

    wonderful. I feel better than I should. My whole life improved. Financially, emotionally, sexually. I am less stressed and have more patience with my kids. I am becoming a better mother, a better lover and a better person. After writing 63 stories, endless fights, years of a...
    Luckymomof2boys Luckymomof2boys 31-35, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Okay, I don't live a sexless marriage.

    But I'm honestly lost and don't know where else to post this. I am happily married, with a child. My husband is in the military. He took my virginity and he is the only one I've ever slept with. He's had 4 other partners before me. Lately I've found myself extremely curious...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 184 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I am unsatisfied with my life.

    I love my kids. My job is getting better. I'm going to the gym and getting in shape but still... the lack of intimacy, and sex is killing me. Driving me to do bad things. Moving towards a decision but I don't know how I'll be strong enough to make it or how I'll live with...
    mousergoodwin mousergoodwin 41-45, M 8 Responses 3 days ago

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    Thinking today. Was there a single,

    shining moment of clarity for you in the days of "bacon scented candles" when you suddenly realized that it wasn't just a ebb, a low point, a speed bump... But something much more terrible? I remember a time after the birth of our daughter. I had orchestrated her baby sleep...
    BeguiledCinderella BeguiledCinderella 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 38 Responses Mar 31

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    When people make you feel unwanted,

    don't leave to make them feel sad or guilty, they won't. Leave because you no longer have a reason to stay. Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. What's meant to be will end up good and what's not - won't. Love is worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only...
    silverfox54 silverfox54 61-65, F 11 Responses 4 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Things have gotten better

    but it doesn't matter. I have come to the realization that this marriage will be a life long game of "tug of war". I had to pull pretty damn hard to get her to budge. She's good at this game and I'm already tired of playing. I can't imagine pulling like this my whole life...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    Today I feel for the ladies on this site

    who have guys sending heartless, pig-headed, neanderthal-like invitations to engage in sex talk. Thanks for perpetuating the stereotype on the rest of us. Fellas, there are hurting people on here. This is serious stuff. Go troll someone else and leave these people alone...
    Dogsoldier37 Dogsoldier37 51-55, M 9 Responses 5 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 197 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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