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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,911 People

    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    Zincore Zincore 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 74 Responses Feb 9, 2015

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    Promises, seduce, tease,

    marriage, then denial!
    magic7 magic7 61-65, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 230 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Tonight started out typical.

    I tried to get him interested in sex. He said, "but you have your period." I said "so **** my ***". He looked at me like I was a horrible person. I let loose and I told him I wasn't happy, this wasn't enough. I again got the same line "all you want is sex and you will...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 48 Responses 5 days ago

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    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 181 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Quitter My husband after seeing

    that I filed for divorce with the clerk of courts and it became real, called me a quitter. He said I always quit everything. I know that this is not true after being married to a man for almost 23 years and trying and hoping he would change. Eventually I did give up, "quit...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 53 Responses Nov 20, 2015

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 435 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I worked at getting the magic,

    the spark back. Yes, there was some sex but with no affection. No touching, or kissing or feeling. Best described as "by the books"; put this here and that there and here's how it ends. Now, unexpectedly, I have fallen head over heels with someone else. Over the top...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 11 Responses a week ago

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    Another milestone. Last night,

    I told my parents about the split. . If it sounds a little weird that I waited almost a month - it's not. This is pretty normal for my family. We aren't the most communicative lot. We talk on the phone about once a month - and I'm almost always the one to initiate the call...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 19 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Quick update - still less

    than I want but more than less. Usually the encounters are meaningful but some are robotic Thoughts - robotic encounters are warning signs to review our "love tank" and see what's going on and repair before it gets bad again. Household - she does more cleaning now and I...
    TheLionGod TheLionGod 36-40, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 60 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Ramblings from a restless mind- I was

    thinking about why some leave their misery and others stay. I partially remembered a quote and went on a search for it. I found it, by Thoreau from "Walden". "I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live...
    Jim44444 Jim44444 61-65, M 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    the past week has been nice.

    after an attempt to have sex my partner disclosed that he just doesn't like lady parts. he says he likes mine, but not vjays jn general. Hes not gay either. I think he's a sexual. but ive spent the last 24 hours daydreaming about the guy i slept with before and the chemistry we...
    CassieSamuel CassieSamuel 22-25, F 12 Responses 5 days ago

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    I've been thinking a lot about an object.

    My husband's fleshlight. When he first asked whether the sex part of our marriage could be over, one of his reasons was that he could just get himself off a lot easier with his own hand. He also liked not having to worry about another person's pleasure. Truly what he said. Fast...
    momtonandg momtonandg 46-50, F 24 Responses 3 days ago

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    Update: I did it! Originally I planned to tell

    my husband later in the week, that I want a divorce but when he came to bed at 3 am he complained about his kidneys hurting. All I could think about was if he ends up in the hospital I will never have the guts to tell him I want out. So I decided right there and then tonight...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 40 Responses Sep 15, 2015

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    Feeling super lonely

    and needy lately. H wants to get close, but I can't. I may not be in love with him but I do love him. So why is it so hard to just hold his hand or hug him every now and then? It's like the tables have turned.. He wants to get back into my personal space in the hopes that a...
    1Life2Live2015 1Life2Live2015 36-40, F 19 Responses 2 days ago

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    A test of

    Oppositeland ----------------------- Since my ex-refuser and I have pets together, we agreed that I could come visit at his place occasionally, since they live with him. This past weekend, I made my first pet visit. This is after having had The Talk 3 weeks ago. . Yesterday...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 22 Responses 4 days ago

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 74 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Celebration Since leaving my sexless marriage I

    have been on the most incredible journey of self discovery. The posts Neeia has posted recently have really triggered a great deal of emotion. She asks why when a relationship fails do we always look for how we are to blame? Recently I dated a man who told me I was broken...
    Faerylight Faerylight 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 24, 2015

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    Normal marriage: http://youtu.

    be/-6jQHLaLDbY Sexless marriage: http://youtu.be/bXKKVt8odt4
    PhinheasGage PhinheasGage 46-50, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Feeling impatient. Today I want to move on

    and have a real relationship again. I'm expecting fear / nervousness / doubt again soon....,
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 46-50, F 11 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    I've been responding quite a bit,

    but have not posted in awhile. I'm struck by how similar our situations are and how there seems to be a typical pattern beginning with the realization that things aren't going to change, soul-searching the question, "Can I possibly go the rest of my life without sex...
    momtonandg momtonandg 46-50, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Maybe not fully sexless,

    but definitely need more. Husband is away for work for days sometimes. And when he is home, he always seems tired. Maybe I have a higher sex drive. But I feel like something is wrong with me also. Like I never feel satisfied anymore. I am always fantasizing and thinking. I do...
    sandrawilde sandrawilde 22-25, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 47 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    No kids this weekend Friday night she's

    sleeping by 930....all day Saturday says she's going to make it up to me and doing sexual innuendos all day....we go to dirty grandpa, get home and she's sleeping in 5 minutes....she says she'll get me a gf because she's not sexual like me and I really want to say yes but I...
    bigernnd83 bigernnd83 31-35, M 10 Responses 5 days ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 175 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 551 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    No more STBX Well it's official I am a single

    lady today. I went down to the courthouse by myself just like everything else I usually do. I appeared in front of of judge with my attorney my H waived his right to answer which was a good thing. I'm finally free and at peace from being under the same roof as him but being...
    Bballgirl1971 Bballgirl1971 41-45, F 40 Responses Jan 20

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    I had a very close relationship

    but there was no sex there wasn't anything we talked a lot but not about sex since my wife went through the menopause. It has been eight years I have been waiting for her now she has fallen for someone else and left me. This has been very painful I now need to rebuild myself
    darkstar57 darkstar57 56-60, M 6 Responses 5 days ago

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    After the blow up last weekend,

    and several days of avoidance, this morning he acts like nothing ever happened. The standard fair, really. Fly under the radar of the irrational, demanding wife, and things will go back to normal. Proceed with usual charm and disillusion. Except I have my first appointment...
    MissInhard MissInhard 41-45, F 12 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    How many of you have threatened to leave

    or have actually left & then all of a sudden your spouse *finds their sex drive again?! My marriage has been almost completely sexless for over 5 years, I ended the marriage 3 weeks ago but since then we've had sex almost daily?? I've explained that this won't change anything...
    Curiousmissy Curiousmissy 31-35, F 33 Responses 5 days ago

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      http://aplus.

    com/a/were-getting-divorced-announcement-above-average
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 72 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    I really would rather be alone

    and celibate than paired up and celibate.
    GrantGeek GrantGeek 46-50, F 18 Responses 4 days ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Hi everybody!!!! Just a quick update about my x

    assown! There is no doubt my x refuser is gay!!! He has recently blown thru several so called "relationships" (haaaaa) because they wanted sex and he couldn't consumate! He actually just texted me that he ran from his most recent "relationship" (like any of us give a f...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 3 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 41 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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