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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 50,164 People

    More writing. Part II is

    now up. http://myverydarkside.tumblr.com
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Sexless Marriage: Cause And Treatment

    Cause: I am absolutely convinced that, in the vast majority of cases, there are just two causes that underpin a sexless relationship in mentally and physically healthy individuals. I am writing this because I believe that identifying the mechanisms that drive certain behaviours...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 15 Responses Aug 9, 2013

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    After asking me on Sunday

    if there was any chance for reconciliation and that he was thinking of leaving he's informed me that he's found a flat and is moving out maybe this weekend. I'm a little in shock. But part of me has been suspecting that he's maybe been seeing someone lately . I could be...
    elkclan elkclan 41-45, F 27 Responses 1 day ago

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    Thought-provoking NY Times article

    that indicates that marriage counseling is advancing in ways that may benefit couples in SM. Here are some excerpts, but take the time to read the whole thing. "First Comes Sex Talk With These Renegades of Couples Therapy By AMY SOHN JULY 1, 2015 Is the classic postcoital...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 198 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I am surprising myself by not minding being

    alone. People staying in your SM for that reason, you may find you enjoy singledom, too. I'm currently without regular male companionship mostly by choice after my potential ltr fizzled out due to issues in his life, although we still talk. But ladies afraid of not finding...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 13 Responses 3 days ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 276 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 58 Responses May 14, 2012

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    I'm one step closer to being free.

    I've finished moving out of my married home. It hasn't sold yet, but it will. Showings have picked up again now that Spring is here. I just don't have to deal with them anymore. Not having to deal with the showings, has been a huge stress reliever for me. It was hard leaving my...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 39 Responses Mar 31

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 164 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    My honeymoon was terrible

    and my marriage has gone downhill ever since. 44 years.
    Jimsolls Jimsolls 66-70 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Wishful Thinking: Your partner may state

    they love you, but this is trick: remember that actions speak louder than words. The cruelty of all: I read many variants of the following: “Lack of intimacy with my partner makes me miserably unhappy, damages me psychologically and physically, I am desperate, I am going...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 22 Responses Feb 2, 2014

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    Janeccaa Janeccaa 26-30, F 3 hrs ago

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    My wife is nearly asexual.

    We met when we where very young and Married young. Over time a number of mental and physical issues have emerged that make it even worse. When we do have sex it is boring and what I call "pity sex". The problem extends beyond sex as my 39 year old wife behaves like a 70 year old...
    394950al 394950al 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I've done a little writing

    as an outlet for my frustration: http://myverydarkside.tumblr.com
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 31 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I feel like the person

    who is lost in a desert and needs water to survive. If he does not get water soon he will be in serious trouble. Then he sees an oasis that has water and he can not stop drinking. I feel much the same way. I need love, affection and intimacy in my life. If I don't get...
    OutOfPatience OutOfPatience 61-65, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    deleted deleted 26-30 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 155 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    The Perfect Match In Plato’s symposium,

    Aristophanes tells the story of how humans were originally spherical creatures, twice what they are now, with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a single head with two faces looking in opposite directions. They could roll forwards and backwards and spin around on all 8 limbs; they were supreme...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 4 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    You are walking through a desert

    and come across an oasis. There is a sign that says the water is poisoned. Would you suddenly lose your thirst? This is how I feel with my wife. Last night I just wanted to kiss her. Her response was her breath wasn't fresh. I told her it didn't matter I just want to kiss her...
    drpcowboy drpcowboy 36-40, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Loyalty to two sons and two grandchildren.

    I cannot bring myself to destroy all that.
    Jimsolls Jimsolls 66-70 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Wishful Thinking Being sent to a place

    that is both very far away and very hot every time we raise the subject of intimacy can be confusing and devitalizing in the long run. Being asked to travel or otherwise reassemble in hell is somewhat hurtful too if for no other reason that we are already there and do not need...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 11 Responses Feb 23, 2014

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Ok, here goes! So far I have just read other

    people's experiences in this group, but today I have just had the most painfull experience to date and felt the need to share it. Mainly so I can see if I am misinterpreting the situation! Since kids came along my wife has been far less interested in sex, and when her mum died...
    cuniadict cuniadict 36-40, M 8 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    First time poster, but a very long time lurker.

    I've been reading ILIASM for a few years now. I am living in a sexless marriage. Before anyone jumps on me to give me "advice", let me just say that I already know that my wife won't change, that she doesn't care about what I need, and generally sees our relationship as...
    HH69 HH69 41-45, M 4 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I wonder if in these sexless marriages

    that seem all too common today , what would happen if both people agreed to be more open about their sexuality, insecurities, fantasies and desires. I bet that the most seemingly 'frigid' person given the chance of total honesty without fear of betrayal for their honesty, is...
    Siptelguy Siptelguy 51-55, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I've been married for 6 years.

    I have a 3.5 child and another on the way. I feel like I'm the only one that puts any effort in. The only time she initiates is when it's baby making time. I was very very experienced before marriage and was up front about my needs to my wife before our marriage (she was a...
    lonelyhusband2018 lonelyhusband2018 36-40, M 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    My sons don't want me to be unhappy

    but also don't even know I am unhappy. I keep it to myself as I don't want them burdened with it. They have enough on their plates without me adding to it. I am resigned to it now, I buried my head in the sand whilst my sons grew up and through their university etc., now it...
    Jimsolls Jimsolls 66-70 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 78 Responses Feb 9

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 49 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    The Two Great ILIASM Lies.

    #1 - "everything is great bar the sex" #2 - "if I know 'why' then I can fix it" I reckon these two lies have held up more ILIASM members progress than the thousands of Persians the 300 Spartans held up at Thermopylae Tread your own path.
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    http://iheartintelligence.

    com/2015/06/30/health-benefits-of-sex/
    andie2007 andie2007 41-45, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    All I ever wanted from my husband was affection.

    To be treated like a priority to him. To be kissed and held and comforted. To feel like I really mattered to someone. Instead, I got rare physical affection and he barely made an effort to spend any time alone with me. He chose to work six days a week, arrived home...
    CherishMe2 CherishMe2 51-55, F 16 Responses 3 days ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 232 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 51-55, F 74 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    All joking aside, men

    if you cared/loved a woman and she only used you for sex how would you feel about that? Stereotypes say men are good with just sex, but it sounds like many men crave the intimacy as much as the women often do. Would you feel hurt or rejected later?
    just2night just2night 41-45, F 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 49 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    For those of us trying to leave

    and feeling stuck. http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/04/06/david-whyte-the-journey-house-of-belonging/
    jmx46578 jmx46578 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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