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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,424 People

    I'm jacking off right now

    and wify's asleep!
    amigomigo amigomigo 26-30, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Before you get married ask yourself: is this

    the person you want to watch and stare at their phone the rest of your life?:D:D
    chasingdreamss83 chasingdreamss83 31-35, M 6 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    8,156 to 1. If you are harbouring some

    thoughts of your ILIASM deal returning to, or magically morphing in to, the relationship you want, consider this. There are currently 48,935 members here. There are 6 credible members who have achieved the above. There's the math. 8,156 to 1. 0.01226% if you prefer. Tread...
    bazzar bazzar 56-60, M 23 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm sure we all have read the story of the guy

    who emailed his wife a spreadsheet of his failed attempts at sexual advances. I've read more than a few articles on the story, mainly to read the comments, and I think it time we put to rest many assumptions about sexless marriages. Here is my list of sexless marriage...
    chuckdaly chuckdaly 36-40, M 10 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Reflections in a Mountain Stream They sit on

    a rock. It's a comfortable rock. Kissed by the August sun until it's just warm to the touch. And it's big enough for two, if they sit close. It's a special rock. It overlooks a calm pool at the edge of a stream, near a waterfall, but not so near the waterfall that the surface...
    RealtaReoite RealtaReoite 51-55, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    My wife once called me a bully I think

    because I kept making suggestions about how we might improve our sex life and make things fun rather than functional. It dawned on me that it isn't my being a bully that's the issue but that she in reality has full control. If she doesn't want to make the effort then nothing...
    therapyguy therapyguy 56-60, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 35 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    I made a comment in another site,

    that I would like to get some replies to it here, as this site is more marriage focused. Here it is (small changes to reflect site lingo): . There's a current theme (or meme) that when stated in gender free terms is "nobody owes anybody anything". . It can be stated various...
    something2talkabout something2talkabout 51-55, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    My last post was deleted by EP.

    That was the first time I've ever been censored here. Let's give this another try. I found Adina River's "mytinysecrets" blog to be very interesting. She is extremely explicit, however her advice is geared toward building closeness and long-lasting intimacy. Her ideas are...
    livingasme livingasme 46-50, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Okay, I have responded

    but never posted. I have been married for 18 years and it was good. The last six years have been rough. He was diagnosed with brain cancer 6 years ago. At the time we had a 5 year old and 8 week old. Prognosis was bleak. 6 years later he is beating the odds. I am so happy he is...
    mws70 mws70 41-45, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    Its our anniversary. I was given a card

    and the gift of some spa appointments in the near future. Which is great. But what I need is not a gift, its physical touch. I completely forgot (legitimately truly forgot, no malice intended). Oops. I'd feel worse if he ever bothered to give me what I truly want (touch...
    CML2014 CML2014 41-45, F 9 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 47 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 185 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 54 Responses May 14, 2012

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Another night I'm wide awake Lonely So lonely

    My mind with thoughts to share My arms with an embrace My lips with kisses Unwanted Rejected This would make sense if I was single Or had let myself go Or was a ***** I'm none of those 😔
    SkySepulveda SkySepulveda 26-30, F 6 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Officially 2 years now sleeping in separate

    rooms his choice not mine. When I try and get intimate with him he pushes me away. At this point I'm no longer attracted to him but I still love him.
    68bbw 68bbw 41-45, F 28 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    This morning I had stumbled into a bunch of

    those catch-22s that make this experience so crazy-making. This morning, she brought up sex and emotional intimacy, independently without being asked!... she started the conversation. Woh. Being willing to accept this as a shared challenge, to think about it on her own time...
    Homewaters Homewaters 36-40, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 29 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    Testing the waters on dating

    and alternative romance sites to see what women think of me. Getting depressed not seeing any nibbles. My wife's voice keeps playing over and over in my head " you're lucky to have me because no one else will". And yes, she actually said that to me 15+ years ago. It still...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 8 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Is it true what they say-

    if you're not having sex, that person really isn't attracted to you anymore? Even if you are young and newly married? Is it possible for some men to not be as sexual as others? There is such an emphasis on males and their sexual drives, that I haven't heard much about men that...
    trailblazr80 trailblazr80 31-35, F 12 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    H gets mad and frustrated with me

    for not jumping up and cooking for him when he sleeps all day and then is up at 10 p.m. He thinks I'm supposed to cater to him. I think if he can pick and choose when he wants to be a husband and when he doesn't (like when I crave affection), then I should be able to pick and...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 26 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 65 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Ok friends, I took Meta's advise

    and put up a match.com profile. I am not having sex with anyone but my MM and this is not healthy for me (thank you Meta for getting me to think about this!) I also put in the profile that I do not want any jokers who are refusers (I put it a little bit different than that so...
    HAR1978 HAR1978 46-50, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I got an email from him today.

    It first asked about the truck, then asked what are we to do? Says that i'm stringing him along, that he still loves me and believes in us, etc. That he's hurting. He's asked me to come to therapy. I don't want to. I want out of all of it. He turned my family and I can't forgive...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 26-30, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well. It is finally official.

    I am divorced! After all the craziness, after years of sexless marriage and emotional distance, after emotional and physical abuse, after having an affair and falling in love while still married, I am free. Considering the post title I should say that in my new relationship...
    unexpectedlove15 unexpectedlove15 26-30, F 6 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Here I am again. We haven't had sex in months.

    We actually aren't married, but engaged, and I post on here because the feedback is better than the other groups. He never wants me. He gives kisses hello and goodbye and that's about it. We got into a fight because I got mad about the way he talks to me. He doesn't ever...
    whatevernobody whatevernobody 31-35, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Bear with me because this may seem off topic,

    but it isn't. I've been recently thinking about death. Yesterday, my post sexless marriage lover had to put his beloved dog of 14 years to sleep. The dog had been obviously declining for months, resting more, moving slower, and requiring more visits to the vet. My lover had...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 101 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 38 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    I'm MARRIED!it should not be like this!

    !! I'm angry, sad, hurt, and pissed the F off!
    onelastgdbye onelastgdbye 36-40, F 15 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 133 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    A tense conversation this morning,

    but not an explosion. Is that progress? My wife accused me of not listening to her when she was ranting about the counselor. She said that "a psychologist would look at things in a balanced manner". I reminded her that she selected the counselor and that he was NOT a...
    ImBatmanNow ImBatmanNow 51-55, M 10 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Hi all. I've been doing a lot of self

    reflection lately, and I know that my dysfunctional family and longing to be loved (and the bs from my life long refusers) has led me to choose partners that have rejected me. I am having to build my self esteem and decide what I am not willing to tolerate in my life. I have...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    I have been a member here,

    off and on since 09, and I would like to say things are better at home now than they were then, but I would be lying. Some of you are in worse situations, and for that I am sorry. I have spent almost 22 years thinking sex will get better if I "only do this or do that" Its not b...
    xr4rider xr4rider 36-40 5 Responses 1 day ago

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