Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,997 People

    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 59 Responses Mar 3, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi all...so update #2:

    after the wife had her first hip surgery at the beginning of the month things were understandably a little chaotic, her surgery took a lot longer than expected as she had a lot more cartilage damage than her surgeon was expecting, she was under for about 4 hours. We decided to...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm in a sexless marriage

    and it's frustrating. Not sure why my wife wants to maintain a distant relationship. I mean, she just doesn't make any effort to bring life to our relationship. It seems she leaves all the maintenance and life up to me. She has this idea that if sex happens, it's only when I...
    Allen54 Allen54 51-55, M 12 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So I'm onsite this week

    for work and staying at a hotel. Of course I get woke up at 2:30am by a drunk couple talking loudly in the hallway and slamming their door. Later I am just about back to sleep when I am once again woke up. This time I can hear rhythmic noises, groaning, moaning, panting, and...
    weather1 weather1 46-50 3 Responses 55 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    well you know today was the doctors appointment

    that he promised to attend.  Indeed he did with me acting the most supportive I could.  Things have got bad in the bast few days, his anxiety way high all stemming from his work, the reason he believes sex is not happening, well I have heard yes that anxiety can cause...
    saxappeal saxappeal 46-50, F 18 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 55 Responses Nov 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    http://hgbeverly.com/devaluation-and-the-inability-to-form-emotional-attachments/ The above article is brilliant and took the words out of my mouth! Wow.
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 8 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 72 Responses Feb 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Push, Push, Push … That is the main

    instruction for childbirth according to the Starfleet manual (see TNG episode “Disaster”, when Worf helps Keiko give birth). It is also my ongoing mantra for executing a divorce – the birth of my new life. Right from the start, I had to do all the pushing to get things...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 8 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi, not been active on here

    for a while but been reading again recently. Not a lot new to add to my situation but just feel like I need to write a bit more about it. During the Summer Holidays, it was our 6th wedding anniversary. I had been wondering whether to get a card and what to say in it, as I...
    copperdoodle copperdoodle 41-45, F 11 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Post card from single land We often talk

    about the benefits of leaving a SM in terms of being able to engage intimately with someone, ie, opposite land. Nearly six months into living separately I want to talk about the benefits of being single- as opposed to being alone within a dysfunctional marriage. Benefit...
    faerylight faerylight 41-45, F 29 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I read the post that asks

    whether people here suspect their spouse of cheating. It seems that a lot of the responses were that the spouse just doesn't care about sex. I know mine doesn't. She is not interested in me, there is no suspicion she is going behind my back and i'm pretty sure she never...
    Butitsallovernow Butitsallovernow 46-50, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In case you're wondering

    whether your spouse is asexual, here's some info. "(CNN) -- It's not just a phase. They're not frigid, sick, repressed or broken. Meeting the so-called "right one" isn't going to change anything. But for people like Sandra Mellott, the questions just keep on rolling in from...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Thinking about a lot this weekend.

    I've realized that using my child as the reason for staying in my unhappy marriage for so long, was just an excuse. An excuse to cover up the real reason. Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not being able to do this on my own. Fear of not being able to find a job, after...
    Itsmytime2be Itsmytime2be 41-45, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hell, Pure Hell. Yesterday she's wearing

    panties, I say "Damn girl you look good and I have fries with that shake". She goes takes a shower comes out in a towel and I ask can I get to watch you get dress. She tells me no! I want privacy. I ask her what's wrong with you, she says I'm not interested in sex, I'm focusing...
    sufferin4life sufferin4life 41-45, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 140 Responses Jul 22, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    mcgsupreme mcgsupreme 18-21, M 9 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Update: I have been working on being nice.

    God what a chore! Jk! So far so good H has initiated sex weekly. Yesterday he also swept and mopped the floor and offered to do the dishes!!! I am on to something here!!
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    He took the only charger to my iPod

    which I have to use for work. He went out of town. I am left to scramble for money to pay for bills while he works and sleeps in a hotel. I clean I cook I drive kids around I work I go to school. Why would he take the only charger I have? I can't afford the extra cash for...
    ijustneedtoletitout ijustneedtoletitout 31-35, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    meme111111 meme111111 36-40, M 13 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Went to the movies yesterday with H.

    It's not something we do often - a great media set up at home, coupled with a loathing of crowds and outrageous ticket/concession prices keeps us watching most movies at home. But still, 4-5 times a year we'll head out to the theater to enjoy something on the big screen. It...
    nerio nerio 41-45, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Survey: how many of your Refusers also have OCD?

    I see it come up on posts repeatedly. PA behavior too, but that seems to have a more intuitive association. Mine has both. In fact, the OCD seems to be getting worse. Or maybe I am just noticing it more.
    Candymaker Candymaker 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I feel like this experience us turning me into

    an emotional Jekyll and Hide... In the morning, when domestic life goes on as it must, I feel inclined to be patient, more forgiving, more hopeful, and more guilty for even letting this be a problem, considering that is it supposedly not her fault and she wants to fix it. At...
    ace4444 ace4444 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Seapink66 Seapink66 41-45, F 24 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 45 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Really like this quote

    and it's so true!! Have a good day everyone ❤️
    evie36 evie36 41-45, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One step forward two steps back.

    .. After last week's successful event, I decided to try to give it another go last night. Unfortunately, my body simply would not respond to my husband's touch. I felt awkward the entire time. We tried some lubricant, but even with that, it was very painful for me. I felt...
    coffeeIover coffeeIover 26-30, F 19 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 72 Responses Mar 18, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I can't stand it any longer.

    Last night I had a date night with my wife after dropping my oldest boy off for homecoming. We took a bunch of pictures. At dinner, I realized I have nothing in common with this person. Years of neglect and parallel lives have made us strangers. Yes, I'll have reset sex...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 17 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm just curious.... How many of you have

    suspected your sexless spouse to have cheated? Don't they have to be getting it somewhere?
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 61 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Not trying to be a *****,

    but please don't message me if you're looking to get a piece. Thanks!
    sartur sartur 36-40, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Question. Just a question

    for all my peeps here. Someone recently posted about is the refuser cheating? I thought that was a valid question that many of us consider. I know for me that my wife has been with other men. I have no physical proof but some of the things she has said and her actions and...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hi all! Just checking in.

    I've been VERY busy! I'm employed now. I'm also very social, and I'm even putting together an art gallery showing. I have a couple of hurdles and then the divorce can get started. I think I'm finally ready. A lot of my anxious attachment to others is dissipating as I work on...
    braverthanithink braverthanithink 31-35, F 14 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 553 Responses Apr 18, 2008

    Your Response

    Cancel

    OK, Here is my question to all

    who live in a sm.If your partner is a damn good partner, loves you and treats you amazing and you know you guys have what it takes to be together forever, would you stay? would that be enough for you to stay? loving this person, and knowing how much they absolutely love and care...
    ooomooo ooomooo 18-21, F 21 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel