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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,716 People

    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 556 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    I went to my first therapy appointment this

    morning. I got a lot out. It felt great. She seems like a really awesome lady. I think she is going to be good to work with. As I heard some things come out of my mouth I started to get some gears going in my head. I realized that I was describing what I consider to be Red...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 5 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 65 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 52 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    Dehumanization Of The Opposite Sex: The Collateral Damage Of A Sexless Marriage

    I had an epiphany a few days ago. I thought I would share it. My marriage and my appreciation for it goes in cycles. I believe this is the case for most of us. Some days are optimistic. Some are awful. Some...you just don't think about it. Sometimes those are the best days, when...
    harveyspecter harveyspecter 41-45, M 73 Responses Mar 18, 2013

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    Disire. Very simple word,

    but holds a different meaning for people depending on their wants, their needs. The poor man disires money. The child disires to have all the toys in the world. A womans disire to have a child. A husband disire for his wife. A wifes disire to feel wanted, needed. I disire to be...
    sbh08252012 sbh08252012 22-25, F 4 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 155 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    My dilemma is guilt. She is legal blind,

    broken hip and diabetic. Do feel for her and at times she can be half decent. I would have a lot of guilt leaving her in this situation. I have to also consider my needs. I going crazy living like this. I'm a good man and don't want to cause suffering. The only problem I'm...
    grgbyce978 grgbyce978 56-60, M 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    purezinc purezinc 36-40, M 30 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I hate California Family Law.

    My soon to be ex refuser (5 years sexless) sat on her *** for 12 of our 20 and did no cooking, no cleaning, and was not a good role model for our 19 y/o daughter. The sad thing is this lazy person is entitled to half of everything and then I have to pay alimony for an...
    NHotH2O NHotH2O 46-50, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 101 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    I'm 21, in college, working full time

    and have been living with my girlfriend of almost 4 years for 2 years. No I'm not married, but my relationship is sexless. I'm a fit guy. I run and do cross training. I'm decent looking and I always, ALWAYS make sure she is taken care of in bed. I can't count how many times I...
    DownInOut DownInOut 18-21, M 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    I used to...I tried sharing my experience been

    forever since I wrote here of my fears......it wasn't allowed to post. I even bleeped out the bad word, ..... Cmon a 4 yr old can find visuals on a Google search too graphic for adults but I share how I feel in a way you can "feel" and it gets pulled?? Where can I find a...
    showmethelove showmethelove 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm in this for 5 years now.

    And I've realized, a woman can live without sex but she feels empty in the long run without someone taking good care of her especially when kids become grown ups and have their own lives.
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 17 Responses 3 days ago

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    I've been married for 12 years

    and the last 2-3 have basically been sexless. We manage to have sex maybe 4-5 times a year. The sad part is I still completely and utterly love her but I'm so frustrated about the lack of sex. At this point in my life I'm not even asking for it weekly, I'd be content with every...
    delvoy delvoy 46-50, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 75 Responses Feb 3, 2014

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    So for those of you keeping up with my story,

    thank you for the time and attention. Your help and comments are always welcome. This site has given me a valuable resource as a sounding board to work a lot of things out. -- I have been asked on the forum and in a number of PMs this question: What are you going to do...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 25 Responses 2 days ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 42 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    The pregnancy hormones continue to drive me

    wild. He continues to ignore me. Completely. It's awful. I feel so sad and repulsive. I love being pregnant, everyone says I look fantastic, but I am so lonely! Sorry just needed to have a moan somewhere. :(
    Waterlanding Waterlanding 31-35, F 14 Responses 3 days ago

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    Ah, so seeing someone else chase me right in

    front of him is what it takes... Got it. Now this is more like it!
    starcatcher13 starcatcher13 31-35, F 7 Responses 4 days ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    Drummer1013 Drummer1013 46-50, M 157 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    showmethelove showmethelove 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Watched 'Ordinary lives' on BBC1 tonight.

    Bit too close to home except I'm not outsourcing! Before I joined this forum I felt as though I was the only person living this kind of marriage. Now they're making TV dramas about it!!!
    evie43 evie43 41-45, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Chronic illness has destroyed any chance of sex

    in our marriage. 8 years ago my wife was diagnosed with a version of muscular dystrophy, it makes her muscles very sore and weak, and she tires quickly. We're both fairly young, early 40s. It wasn't supposed to go like this. You never think that one day you'll just stop having...
    02K30 02K30 41-45, M 10 Responses 3 days ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 26 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 48 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 235 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Why do I continue to play hide

    and seek. I know my past. I know the events that shaped my sexless marriage from day one. I heard not tonight, I’m too tired, just hurry up and get it over with thousands of times in those first seven years of my marriage. I remember the words that finally ended my attempts...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 15 Responses 2 days ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    Monday morning humor I just had a tough

    weekend with the man. . Before you all scold me for staying in the situation and tell me it's my own fault - STOP. I've heard that before. I know. . This isn't going to be a rant or a sob session. . The therapist I saw suggested writing him a letter. . Today, it's Monday - I'm...
    SmartKat SmartKat 46-50, F 80 Responses Feb 9

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    To those who have done counseling,

    how did you find a counselor? Last night I told my wife we need to go see someone who could help us with the lack of intimacy. I'd prefer someone who has some experience/knowledge in dealing with sexless marriages. I'm not really sure where to start though. I got on the APA...
    tex7777 tex7777 26-30, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 36-40, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I have been married 12 years

    and stopped having sex with my husband 2 yrs ago. We always used to have a good sex life but for some reason which is beyond me we haven't had any hot times lately. I'm going insane with sexual frustration and have even thought of cheating because my hormones have had enough and...
    BMoreno79 BMoreno79 31-35, F 62 Responses Mar 5, 2014

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    I am not interested in sex with my husband at

    all. We disagree on everything and nothing is going well, but he still wants intercourse - well it doesn't work that way!
    wfewfe wfewfe 31-35, F 16 Responses 2 days ago

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    PART 2 So I survived another month in a

    sexless marriage, and will do so for the next 3 weeks. How do I know? based on historical trend and data. When it happened, it was always around the 4 - 5 days of the same time of the month. Yes you guessed it right. She will be ovulating and her testosterones levels will be...
    koh72 koh72 41-45, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 46-50, F 50 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    I haven't had sex with my wife sine September

    of last year she says she's not attracted to me anymore .we can't afford to split and I don't want my kids to suffer. I'm losing my self confidence in the process and feel hopeless . Should I leave or cheat any thoughts ?
    SeanPHung77 SeanPHung77 36-40, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A sudden calm washed over me today.

    I was angry with him, but I am done with that, it hurts me to be angry more than it hurts him. He is maddeningly unwilling to talk about his feelings or to connect with me at all. In retrospect I can see it's not just a no sex problem, it's a not connecting problem, a no...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 3 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    It's been years since my husband

    and I have been intimate in any way. For a long time I felt it was my fault and he just didn't feel attracted to me. I really take care of myself, exercise, wear nice clothes, hair and make up are in order, but that isn't the issue. The problem lies with him I have concluded...
    CarmenFelicity CarmenFelicity 56-60, F 21 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Sex is not a need for everybody.

    I thought I might put the cat among the pigeons a little after reading wfewfe's post yesterday. She doesn't want to have sex with her husband and most of the posts in response were along the lines of 'Sex is a need not a want' and 'It is not fair in a monogamous marriage to...
    unmatched unmatched 41-45, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm going to a therapist tomorrow on my own.

    I'm realizing how depressed I've become since learning about my wife's intimacy aversion. the more I try the more I realize the true problem. she's intimate averse. I can't fix her. I decided to fix me instead. I'm planning to get some insight and start working on a plan...
    bdiggles bdiggles 36-40, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    I don't think it's just about sexlessness,

    it's also about control. Are most refusers also control freaks? We haven't had sex in > 10 years. He's never been particularly interested in it. But for someone who doesn't want to sleep with me, he sure doesn't want anyone else to either. What the ****, if I knew I...
    HelenTarnation HelenTarnation 41-45, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 187 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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