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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 49,389 People

    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    Soooo, It's been a while sine I've been on EP.

    I thought I'd give an update. We DID go for his appointment. I decided to stay in the waiting room so that he could be more open with his doctor. The whole wait was about 2 hours, but I'm not complaining AT ALL! Afterwards, we even went out on a "hot date" (that's what I always...
    beentoolongLily beentoolongLily 46-50, F 10 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    How is it that one partner in a marriage can

    utterly deprive the other partner of their basic needs for love & affection for years on end, but when the now emotionally emaciated partner accepts those gifts from another THEY are suddenly the bad guy. It's complete BS. I'm sick of being treated like some kind of cheating...
    Stormie01 Stormie01 46-50, F 76 Responses Feb 3

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    We have not had sex,

    or been intimate since our 10th anniversary, over four years ago.
    wwlee4411 wwlee4411 66-70, M 5 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Unsatisfiedwoman74 Unsatisfiedwoman74 36-40, F 20 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    How To Handle A Sexless Marriage? Have Sex.

    I am horrified by the recent increase in trollish, drive-by advice, telling ILIASMers that the solution to all their problems lie in having sex, outsourcing, going on a spree, investing in sex toys, or some other idiotic ideas like that. The people or bots giving this advice...
    SleeplessKnight SleeplessKnight 41-45, M 30 Responses Oct 28, 2013

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    Amazing day today. Our first couples therapy

    session was very productive...gist of it is that we are still unsure of each other and need to rebuild trust. Therapist gave us homework to reassure each other when we sense the other is uncertain, and to ask and answer with honesty whenever we see the other is upset and to...
    HopefulDude HopefulDude 36-40, M 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    From HuffPost Divorce:The Problem with Staying

    Together for the Kids Mom and dad don't like each other. They don't make small talk. They don't chuckle about last night's episode of The Cosby Show. They don't even acknowledge each other's birthdays. The dinner table discussion is strictly kids-to-parents, never parent-to...
    Mettamomma Mettamomma 61-65, F 11 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    Beauty isn't everything.

    Find your strength and own it. "Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier." -- Amy Pohler
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 27 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 554 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Not much of an update here.

    It's been 3 months since the last time anything happened between us. His excuse at the moment is depression and stress from trying to work on his addiction issues. He stopped taking Wellbutrin after 2 weeks as I suspected he would. He's still seeing his counselor but has only...
    asterinight asterinight 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    One week ago my W came home from her annual

    physical, I could tell something was bothering her. Her new obgyn had convinced her to see a sex therapist as the previous year my W had explained our sex life to her and how she has no interest in sex,. They had a light discussion about my W sexual assault at a public swimming...
    oscarwiskers oscarwiskers 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    How do people find the secrecy

    that comes with a non-intimate husband? I feel I should be loyal and not discuss it (apart from with my closest friends) but at times it feels like I'm perpetuating a sham. Am I happy? Not really... Why not? And I can't say too much.... (So I just smile and don't share)
    Flotsam101 Flotsam101 41-45, F 18 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    How do you tell your spouse

    that their efforts are too little too late? Things have not been wonderful for a long time. I gave up on trying sex because of the countless nights of rejection. He threatens divorce on a weekly basis in a fit of rage. I finally have come to terms with this. I suspect that once...
    MomofIrishTwins MomofIrishTwins 31-35, F 16 Responses 7 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 38 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    Looking Back, Looking Forward

    A lot of people have probably assumed or accepted that if everything else seemed okay that the fault for a loveless, sexless marriage was theirs. You go to therapy, aggressively root out your problems, go to the gym, work on your attitude, learn some new jokes, set the...
    Gearcynic Gearcynic 31-35, M 45 Responses Aug 18, 2013

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 51 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 36 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    I was wondering about love

    and trust. I had a date the other night with a girlfriend of mine (friends). And we discussed how love is the easy part. Falling in love I can do on a dime but trust. Wow, trust is so elusive and so hard to come by. Most people here on ILIASM forum are cool as can be and...
    HusbandOfOne HusbandOfOne 41-45, M 17 Responses 2 days ago

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    I have found the flaw in my approach to my

    sexless marriage. I am always the first with tough comments on here to people in sexless marriages and for the past 8 months I have been looking out for myself. I told my wife if she wants room mates we will be room mates. So I took my summer vacations alone. I come and go as I...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 8 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Hey group. I'm having a tough time following my

    divorce bc of how my x ruined my credit. It is literally affecting my ability to find a decent job during banking hrs which is all I can work being a single mom with no help and having a special needs kid (and another kid) and all the rejection really stings! I am so god damned...
    pointbreakgirl pointbreakgirl 41-45, F 9 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 56 Responses May 14, 2012

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 42 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    Most of the time we write

    and respond to sad stories, we must sound like such a bunch of miserable people so lets have a little fun today tell a RECENT story made you really happy or had you laughing your head off. I thought of this as this just happened to me a few minutes ago and suspect it feels good...
    celtusa celtusa 46-50, M 10 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    The reality of my situation is finally sinking

    in. As long as I am with my wife I will never find the physical love I am searching for. I have been trying for three years to convey to her how I feel and to try and find some middle ground where we will both be happy. She has no interest in working on this with me and...
    LifeinWoodinville LifeinWoodinville 41-45, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Happy to announce my separation.

    My husband and I have decided to separate. Coming home after a long vacation was so hard. I couldn't put the mask back on, it just didn't fit anymore. The vacation was the breath of fresh air I needed. The most dreaded moment was talking to our daughter about how, why and...
    ifoundmehere ifoundmehere 41-45, F 49 Responses Sep 28

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    A marriage without sex

    and intimacy is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. It's like torture. Sleeping alone night after night... Sometimes I think marriage is a waste of life
    Truelove4me Truelove4me 36-40, M 9 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    I spoke to a friend tonight re: getting a POA

    for H. I haven't seen her in over a month bc she was getting ready for a trial that finally happened this week. She's going to help me get the POA done ASAP & possibly the wills. I'm so relieved and grateful! With the attorney I'm hoping to see RE: the prospect of divorce, it...
    Harley53 Harley53 56-60, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    OMG.. I still feel for my H.

    .. Winter is coming, the temperature is started going down. Last night before sleep, H hugged me from behind at the bed, H brushed my knee slowly, it is nice sensation but I pushed him off as I don't want to go any further to get any rejection.
    Missberry73 Missberry73 41-45, F 4 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 60 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    Exactly two weeks from today,

    I have the first obligatory court hearing. Last week, I was away and in the meantime he had been talking to my sisters, my brother in law, and my son as well, desperately trying to coerce them to talk me out of this. Last night my son wanted to talk to me. His father had...
    TheFieryWoman TheFieryWoman 36-40, F 13 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 238 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    I've been coming here on

    and off since the beginning and I swear the censorship on EP seems to be getting worse as the years go by. Last night I spent 1/2 an hour writing a long post about sexual loneliness and as soon as I posted it I got message saying it had violated EP community guidelines. If that...
    Elcoman115 Elcoman115 51-55, M 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    A Manifesto, if you will.

    Mainly, I'm looking for some validation of my points. I've been trying to work out what it is that I want for about... well, since before I met my wife. Now that I'm on here and I've read so much and learned so much, I suppose that this counts as a new paradigm.What do I want? A...
    Consensus Consensus 31-35 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 277 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 57 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    I dated my husband on

    and off since my teens. We've now been married for four years. I have not had sex with him since our daughter, our second child, was conceived. I know from having our son that he isn't much interested in intimacy during pregnancy, but now, my daughter has just turned one and he...
    shesamuva shesamuva 31-35, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    I am new to the group,

    and live in what I consider to be a sexless marriage. But how much (or not) is a "sexless marriage"? We have sex maybe once a month, sometimes every two, but I get the sense from her that it's just sympathy sex. She seems to enjoy herself once she decides to come to the party...
    leftbehind1980 leftbehind1980 31-35, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well, after a four year hiatus,

    I'm back in this group. I was on EP years ago when I was at the 3 year mark of no intimacy in my marriage. After about two years of trying to make the marriage work I decided to separate and divorce. I saw on EP that re-conciliation was very very rare for sexless marriages. I...
    caminova caminova 46-50, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 440 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    I am a bastard! I did something last night

    that I have never done before and it was kind of a test. I went solo in bed next to my wife. Pleasures myself until she woke, angered and left the bed. When she returned she was angry. I was finished and released and happy. She wanted to talk about the progress we had made...
    dynamic71 dynamic71 41-45, M 25 Responses 1 day ago

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 303 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 44 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 153 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    I have a question for those with children.

    Since I had our baby, I have no libido at all. It's very very hard on my husband, he's been patient and we've really tried everything to get me more in the mood, but the breastfeeding hormones make it pretty much impossible. I've heard some people say sex is never the same...
    ShadowHowl ShadowHowl 18-21 14 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    I feel so guilty talking venting

    and chatting on here. I have not spoken much to my husband since a fight on Friday and that is not anything new, since we barely speak even on civil terms. I do not think he even notices that I have been giving him the silent treatment. That's besides the point. I feel guilty...
    MomofIrishTwins MomofIrishTwins 31-35, F 38 Responses 1 day ago

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