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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Support, stories, and advice from real married men and women without sex in their marriage. 48,639 People

    What A Difference 2 Years Can Make

    I arrived at EP 2 years ago today. And if you told me then, that in 2 years, I would be an entirely different person, in an entirely different place, mentally, physically,spiritually, sexually.....I would have said your nuts..You haven't a clue about anything, and obviously you...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 37 Responses Oct 15, 2012

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    Live with it, or leave.

    I don't understand why someone would stay in a relationship/marriage when they are unhappy. I think its more simple than what everyone may think. Eliminate what makes you unhappy, or you can stay and live with it. In this situation you have a choice. And what you choose...
    miracle98 miracle98 18-21, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Consequences Of 'enduring'.

    I'm posting this story here even though I no longer live in a sexless relationship, because if you are currently in one, now is the time to think about what is happening to you. Your experience will not be exactly the same as mine, but I think it's likely you are going through...
    hrts hrts 41-45, F 37 Responses Jun 10, 2012

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    Please...listen

    As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life. I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one. I can't...
    imathinkin imathinkin 51-55, F 55 Responses May 14, 2012

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    An Affair (Rule) To Remember

    Sorry, I will let all you men throw your rotten tomatoes at me, but here is some advice for the ladies from the sexless marriages who have decided to outsource. This is going to sound harsh to my male EP friends but to hell with it.  Ladies --- The numbers are way way in your...
    EinEngel EinEngel 46-50, F 157 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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    Okay, i will come on here

    and will put it like this. My posts are how i am feeling on the subject. By all means feel free to go back and read all my posts, but DO NOT come out onto my other posts and try to judge. I understand that i have my own demons to bat down, but they are mine, and i am willing...
    Rednkfireftr Rednkfireftr 31-35, M 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Shout Out

    I just want to say a big hello to my soon-to-be ex-husband Jay  He has taken up reading every single post of mine on here.  Beside the fact that he really needs to get a life, I wanted to welcome him.  Maybe reading a little truth and honesty would be a nice...
    k145712 k145712 36-40, F 58 Responses Mar 3, 2010

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    The Love Roulette: Why We Are In A Sexless Marriage

    The “effeuiller la marguerite” is an ancient game, traditionally played by the young falling in love for the first time and the hopelessly romantic of any age. For those unfamiliar with it, the daisy oracle consist in pulling the petals from a daisy, or other available flower...
    czzinc czzinc 36-40, M 28 Responses Aug 31, 2013

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    I don't just live in a sexless so-called

    marriage. I live in a dead and humiliating marriage. It's never been any more than what it is now. I need to learn to see my spouse as he sees me...as nobody. For the past 4 weeks I have put him back up on the pedestal where he sat for many years. He reacted the exact same as he...
    MamaAbby MamaAbby 56-60, F 9 Responses 1 day ago

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    I think many of us can relate to this song.

    Especially when we're feeling angry. http://youtu.be/jTgK-wqiH4s Not Coming Home Maroon 5 When you refuse me You confuse me What makes you think I'll let you in again Think again, my friend Go on, misuse me and abuse me I'll come out stronger in the end And does it make you...
    coffeeflavoredkisses coffeeflavoredkisses 46-50, F 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Everything is ok but sex.

    Yes, I know; those are the most unpopular words here. Those who dare to utter them are frequently treated with …….. But I just wanted to give some hope to those couples that can be described in those words. And yes, I know; many are not really described by these words but...
    largehopes largehopes 36-40 8 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Well he will fly to his bipolar sister wedding

    and see his bipolar father. All dyfuncation families. Haha I will be alone at home for a whole week. Peaceful and daily routine. Any ideas what will I do this wonderful days ahead start! :D
    girlyloveorange girlyloveorange 31-35, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    So Is It Really About Sex? What I Have Learned From A Long Term Sexless Marriage.

    I read the stories here and see so many similar people in differing stages of understanding of sexless marriages. Some newbies are seeking a fix or cure. The older, more jaded, group having affairs, leaving the marriage or both simultaneously. We all believe or once believed that...
    footballbat footballbat 46-50, M 39 Responses Oct 8, 2013

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    After years of arguing

    and resentment, it finally came to a head this weekend. Major row and name calling etc ended in days of silence. Today after asking if her this is what she wants, she replies no but doesn't add anything. She says she has no passion and expects me to be happy with that. You can...
    piscean1965 piscean1965 46-50, M 6 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Wife Has No Desire

    My wife was sexually abused as a child.  This has caused devastating effects on our marriage and her life.  Deep down, my wife is afraid to love.  She grew up in a home where if you didn't take care of yourself, you weren't taken care of.  Her mother died at...
    stinkcat_14 stinkcat_14 41-45, M 200 Responses Aug 31, 2006

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    Outsourcing Your Needs

    So you live in a sexless marriage.  There is no sex (or very little sex) and your relationship lacks intimacy and emotional connection.   As a "sex person" you miss this badly and have tried, without success, to address the issue in your marriage. You love your spouse, who is...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 239 Responses Apr 2, 2011

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    Why Repairing A Sexless Marriage Is So Impossible....

    Here in our group, we often get criticized for being too negative, too willing to leave the marriage, and too unwilling to try and repair the marriage. I want to explain to new members why, all the group here is really doing, is just being honest. I want to try and explain why...
    neuilly neuilly 61-65, F 79 Responses Nov 20, 2011

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    All That Glitters...

    I have read many of the stories here, and many seem to run along a typical theme. I am going to add my thoughts to those who are living in a sexless marriage, as I am, but who also speak of love and friendship with their partners -- who say they have a wonderful, warm...
    deleted deleted 26-30 552 Responses Apr 18, 2008

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    Refusing Sex = Emotional Abuse

    Withholding sex in a "loving" relationship is Emotional Abuse. Denying one's partner the bond which cultivates closeness and intimacy with them is Emotional Abuse. Whether their refusal is due to mental illness, passive/aggressive anger or control issues or an underlying reason...
    ISELFLOVE ISELFLOVE 41-45, F 134 Responses Jul 22, 2010

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    A Brief Affair Of Two EP Members

    I am a regular EP member but for anonimoty I agreed with her to create a new username so that I can write our story. This happened six weeks ago. Through a thread on the forum, I was contacted by an EP member who was travelling overseas and was going to be near my hometown for...
    waiting2feelalive waiting2feelalive 46-50 186 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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    Someone Asked Me A Question Last Night...

      The question was...   so why does it take so long for us to figure this sh*t out??? IMHO... , from a woman's point of view... A sexless marriage is one of the most insidious things...  it creeps up on you, like a leopard in the grass, and before you...
    FriendofPromise FriendofPromise 51-55, F 66 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 59 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    I Am Already Gone, And He Doesn't Even Know It.

    He went to bed first, he's always tired. As I stood at the side of our bed and saw the barricade of pillows he placed between us, I debated leaving my night gown on. Why take it off? He won't even notice. I let the blue, sheer cotton gown float to my feet. I'll be more...
    rosieapparition rosieapparition 51-55, F 50 Responses Sep 29, 2013

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    So I love my wife and don't kid me wrong she's

    my soulmate, but we can never have sex. You see my wife suffers from Lichen sclerosus which hurts her and makes it hard for me to enter her. On a rare occasion when her LS isn't giving her problems and when we can have sex, it's amazing. The problem I have is, I have an...
    Aqualung27 Aqualung27 31-35, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Basic Mismatch

    I see lots of stories lately from people who are new and hopeful there will be a solution here they haven't thought of yet. They come here, post a story and get some feedback.  Then they go about trying to fix the marriage.  They read the same stories we've read and the same...
    Changewilldoyougood Changewilldoyougood 31-35, F 23 Responses Dec 10, 2012

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    Is This How She's Felt For The Past Ten Years?

    For the first ten years, it was pretty standard fare. I wanted, and she refused. I wanted desperately, I tried everything and anything. I really loved her, and wanted things to work at any cost. I couldn't understand why things weren't happening. How could she not reciprocate...
    TheWendigo TheWendigo 36-40, M 279 Responses Jun 29, 2011

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    All He Thought About Was SEX SEX SEX

     ORIGINAL STORY (2007): Reading all the posts here, I guess I represented the other side. I hadn't been having sex with my husband because I didn't want to. All he thought about was sex, but not just with me. He had adult magazines, DVDs and videos hidden all over the...
    LostLeila LostLeila 31-35, F 439 Responses Dec 27, 2007

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    Having a hard time.. not married

    but still in a committed relationship. So depressed, feeling disheartened, and don't know how to handle this. Still in love with my guy but there's hardly ever any sex. This weekend he said he couldn't wait to have some alone time with 3 days off and spend time with just me...
    meeshee1 meeshee1 36-40, F 14 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    "The Overwhelming Advice Is To Cheat Or Leave"

    This story was written in response to a statement in a recent post. That statement is: "The overwhelming advice is to cheat or leave". What it comes down to is this: when you reach the point where you can no longer tolerate being in a sexless relationship, then you will...
    enna30 enna30 56-60, F 37 Responses Nov 11, 2013

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    I think this week we should all do something

    nice for ourselves and something nice for someone else, friend or total stranger and report back. I had a total stranger buy my breakfast awhile back. It was awesome! Made me feel great that he SAW me. I don't think my husband SEES me anymore. So do something with no strings...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 13 Responses 1 day ago

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    I recently had an 'ah ha' moment.

    I was reading a book that explained what was referred to as "Overidentification". Essentially, some people identify their self-worth physical things. The book's example was a woman who was raised in poverty finally being able to afford the car of her dream (a small sports car...
    NWTruthSeeker NWTruthSeeker 56-60, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Well I arranged to meet her at 6pm at her place,

    I got there, rang the doorbell, waited for a minute but no-one came so I went home. She texted me saying did you get lost but it was too late as I was almost home. The area was very seedy too. Think I'm glad I didn't go in. Why are massage places in such seedy areas ? Put me...
    JamesPoole1 JamesPoole1 51-55, M 5 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Waking Up Together.....

    My spouse and our therapist said I am wrong. I am 48 years old, I was in law enforcement for 29 of those years - dealing with everyone else's problems in their living rooms at 3am. I am the father of two successful, happy, beautiful adult children who are my best friends. I have...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 30 Responses Nov 17, 2012

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    So if u have been reading my stories u

    understand what's been going on. My husband and I took a day trip out of town. On this trip we completely alone. He flirted a lil. Which was enthrall long to me, it even have me hope. All day long through slight glances and small conversation things seemed good. But atlast on...
    tristaspuella tristaspuella 22-25, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    I'm having a hard time not being a smart ***.

    Hubby said "hand me my tool" I said " I thought I wasn't allowed to touch your tool" he rolled his eyes. I find I do this several times a week. I know it's not helpful and is actually hurtful but I'm so angry!! I don't sleep much anymore and was laying in bed this morning...
    Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels 41-45, F 20 Responses 1 day ago

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    Perhaps An Insight Into the Guy's Problem...

    All of the stories here are all too familiar. What's frustrating is that they all reflect a fundamental change in the relationship early on in a marriage...which fortunately, is something I might be able to help out with. Many guys get married before they really understand...
    TheTreeIsMe TheTreeIsMe 36-40, M 100 Responses Feb 13, 2007

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    No Sex Tonight - Best Of Craigslist

    I just wanted to share something that gave me a good laugh this morning. It was posted in the "best of craigslist" section of craigslist. I thought somebody else here may find it funny, too. I have found it is easier to cope with a sexless marriage if I ...
    CynicalFreakGenius CynicalFreakGenius 36-40, M 299 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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    I keep looking at the nice 'photos of her on

    her website and I'm so tempted.
    JamesPoole1 JamesPoole1 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You Staying For The Kids? Some Thoughts From Someone Who Left.

    One of the most common refrains here seems to be the line "I love my kids" or "I love my family", or "I don't want to destroy my family". There are plenty of reasons to not get divorced. If your sexless period was just a bump in the road, only 6 months, a year, right after...
    icancounttopotato icancounttopotato 36-40, M 64 Responses Jan 6, 2013

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    Unexpected, Unwarranted And Unwanted.

    Earlier this year, I made my decision to pursue an affair. This option has since morphed into an exit plan from my marriage, but either way, my goal is the same. Have some sex. To that end, not having been seen naked by another man for over twenty years (for the most part), I...
    birdie39 birdie39 41-45, F 55 Responses Sep 10, 2013

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    Well it's not exactly sexless,

    I guess we make love once or twice them there's nothing for 4 to 6 weeks or even longer. It has been this way for much of the past 22 years. Going for ages with no sex eats away at me. I go through periods where I spiral down into depression, feeling rejected and worthless, and...
    aardvark64 aardvark64 46-50, M 4 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Success in Turning Around a 20 Year SM: Part 1

    - Overview This summer I celebrated my 20th anniversary. For the first 19 ½ years, we lived in a SM / virtual SM. The reason I am writing today is because amazingly, after so long of being denied, my refuser W and I turned a corner in early January and we’ve been having...
    TimeforLiving2 TimeforLiving2 41-45, M 14 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's A "beautiful Woman"??

    Nearly all woman are simply beautiful to me. The only turn offs I have are bad hygiene and bad attitudes. So ladies, please allow me to tell you about men like me. Some of you might now be aware we are out there because we SURELY are not going to act like a creep and TELL you...
    ThreeDecadesAlone ThreeDecadesAlone 46-50, M 152 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    So my wife tells me she is planning a trip over

    an upcoming weekend with a one night stay in a hotel. She is planning on meeting with girlfriends. My first thought is this is an opportunity to outsource. So sad, but so temping.
    jason11 jason11 36-40, M 15 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are You A Refuser?

    I have reached a conclusion today. We, the refused, are refusers. How so, you ask? Simple. We refuse to recognize just how big a big a problem we have. We refuse to accept that life can be different We refuse to accept that we have the personal power to make the changes we...
    FilteringMachine FilteringMachine 31-35, M 102 Responses Jun 4, 2012

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    My husband and I have been together ten years,

    and married for seven. Sex dropped off right after the wedding. Over our married years, we have typically had sex every other month or so, sometimes less. In the interim, we didn't cuddle, french kiss, hold hands, or fool around. He has never given me oral sex, which is a...
    VanillaAlmond1 VanillaAlmond1 31-35, F 16 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Live Your Relationship Authentically, And Let Go The Outcome.

      A theme in my own formerly sexless marriage and most of the others I see in this board who have not yet changed their situation at home, is a lack of authenticity in their and communications with each other.   I see and have experienced magical thinking within dysfunctional...
    Apocrypha Apocrypha 36-40 43 Responses Jan 11, 2012

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    I recently got a little naughty with her

    and she responded positively. We have been married 38 years, but the last 5 were sexless and we separated. She is coming back into town in a few days and I can't wait to see her. All because I tried one more time. I always was hard headed.
    Kasper1826 Kasper1826 61-65, M 7 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Since my last post about the Chinese massage

    parlour I haven't gone there yet - got caught up in diy projects on the house etc etc, which all kept me too busy to visit the parlour. I have also very recently found a lovely Polish girl, qualified in massage, who does a full one hour body to body massage with hand relief for...
    JamesPoole1 JamesPoole1 51-55, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    cheekychsppy26 cheekychsppy26 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    "For Better or For Worse" I have been thinking

    about this particular vow. As someone who was brought up from birth in the church, I was always taught that divorce is not optional. For one thing, God hates divorce, and for another, we stood before God and recited that particular vow, among others. So, these five words "For...
    EmbraceableMe EmbraceableMe 41-45 7 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

    I sit in the quaint little Italian restaurant across the table from my husband, sipping my wine in solitude. He is distant; engrossed in something on his telephone; a text, email or something on the web - I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter.  I takea sip of the sweet red liquor...
    LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 54 Responses Nov 18, 2012

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    I found an interesting study on sexlessness in

    The Journal of Sexual Medicine. I can't share the full pdf because there's no way to upload it here, but I will copy and paste the results & conclusions. Sexlessness among Married Chinese Adults in Hong Kong: Prevalence and Associated Factors Sexlessness among nonelderly...
    RedOctagon RedOctagon 22-25, F 7 Responses 8 hrs ago

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