on 03:48AM at Jul 11th, 2012
Many of us heard that if we only do fill in the blank our sexless marriage would be better. None of us are perfect spouses. We should not have to be perfect spouses to get the love and affection we want. Some of our spouses say I will love you if (fill in the blank).
Isn't there the concept of unconditional love?
Does that really exist?
Should we have to jump threw the right hoops to get the love and affection we want?
What do you think.
on 05:14AM at Jul 11th, 2012
Does that really exist?
No, it doesn't.
Except with dogs.
And not even all dogs.
Tread your own path.
on 07:24AM at Jul 11th, 2012
(Re-posted from my comment in another thread):
There's a website that's sorta corny but I think has a lot of good advice - marriagebuilders dot com .
The author has posted two articles, "What's Wrong with Unconditional Love?", parts 1 and 2. If you are interested, go look them up (I get too frustrated with the sp#m filters here to try to post a link).
Quoting from part 1:
" 'Unconditional' means that there are no prerequisites or contingencies to the promise. The promise of love is to be made regardless of all circumstances, including what the other person chooses to do. There should be no confusion regarding its meaning. "
"There are many that I counsel that expect to be cared for unconditionally after an affair, abuse, and even attempted murder. After all, it was promised at the time of their wedding. "
on 09:24AM at Jul 11th, 2012
Yes & no. It's hard to explain how I feel & what I think about unconditional love. My children will always have my unconditional love, but I assume we aren't talking about the parent child relationship. So, I look at my very close friends most of whom I've known since elementary school (even the ones that live far away) & they have been such great, loyal friends that they have my unconditional love. I don't ask for anything in return for it because they've given me so much already. Then there is my past romantic relationships, both of which I will always love. One of the relationships ended due to following our work dreams & ending up in two different states, but I know that at any point I could call him if I really needed him & he'd hop on the next flight to see me. The other unfortunately passed & my love for him went above just romance because we had a child together. Again there were no requiments on that love. I was free to be & do as I chose. There wasn't any bitterness for making yourself happy.
The examples above seem like unconditional love, but if I think about more it deeply they are & were good people. There was a sense of honor & integrity to the relationships so maybe the unconditional love in those cases developed over time. I can't say that the relationships started without conditions because I wouldn't be able to love someone unconditionally if they treated me like crap. After getting to know them over many years, who they are/were is what made me love them unconditionally.
I'm kind of rambling on this one. Does any of that make sense?
Last edited on 10:03AM at Jul 11th, 2012; edited a total of 1 time
on 09:49AM at Jul 11th, 2012
Unconditional love exists in many of us. It is NOT healthy. It is part of that codependent mind game we play on ourselves, really.
I love my children unconditionally. I do not always like what they do. Sometimes I *REALLY* don't like what they do.
Within the context of a non-parental relationship though I do not believe that unconditional love is healthy. At least not the I accept you no matter what kind. No matter how you treat me. No matter if you spend all our money on prostitutes. No matter if you try to attack my mother at Thanksgiving dinner with the carving knife. It doesn't work that way, although i suppose you could still love the person but choose to have a life without them in it.
One of my favorite ways of framing it when a relationship ends or a friendship falls apart is to say... I love you and I hope you have a wonderful life.... way OVERRRRR THEEEEREEEE (far away from me). That too is love. Love of self.