I Live In a Sexless Marriage Forum & Chat Board | Is the opposite of love hate or selfishness?

Is the opposite of love hate or selfishness?  I think the opposisite of love is selfishness.  Our refusers are being selfish.  When they refuse they are being selfish not hateful.  They do not have any consideration for our needs or feelings.  You might say they are being self-centered.

I really want to know what you think.

 

I think the opposite of love is apathy.

 

The opposite of love is indifference

 

I endorse warriorpoets remark.

Totally.

Tread your own path.

 

I would agree. It's indifference. Speaking for myself only I don't have lack of desire based on hate. I just am never in the mood for sex. But I have learned two things from reading posts in this group. One person will tell me that this is all based on the fact that I do not love my husband. And a lot of you have spouses that aren't like me. Some of your spouses sound down right mean.

 

The concept of opposite or that of opposition does not apply to the concept of love. 

 

As WP said - The opposite of love is indifference .
In fact the couples therapist said this, and I have read it in some psychobabble help book.
When you realise you have not circled with your thoughts, have no anxiety, and generally dont think of a relationship with your spouse any more on a daily basis other than functional aspects you are truly done.

 

Indifference.  WP and ETG have expressed what I feel perfectly.

 

You're right it is selfishness. Many people say indifference/apathy but this is just the most common symptom of selfishness. In fact indifference is not the opposite of love, it is the absence of love, just as it is the absence of joy, rage, jealousy or any other emotion.

Hate to is not the real opposite of love as it is just another symptom of selfishness. In fact we can claim to love someone and do more harm to them than if we actually hated them if our love is actually selfishness in disguise.

Real love is focusing on the greatest good for other people, without regard to the self. It is unconditional. Unfortunately the way the word love is used most of the time is not real love but selfishness - attracted to someone/some thing because of the benefit you receive. We're happy when they're around because of the way make us feel, and when they're not around we're miserable. When they do not meet the expectations we have placed on them we can become disappointed an angry. This is conditional love- in fact not true love at all. It is selfishness. Real love doesn't care about the benefits you receive. We just want someone to be happy and free from suffering simply because they exist.

Real love frees us from the emotional, mental and uncontrollable roller-coaster that is selfishness. It is calm, focused and powerful. And it is the only path to truly deep and satisfying relationships with others.

 

What Evolving said.

 

Well, given marriage is a religious institution, I will go back to the derivative definition:

Understanding the concepts that are invested in words can aid us in our own lives. As an interesting example, the word "love" which is thrown about so freely in English, has a special meaning in Hebrew. Love in Hebrew is "Ahava" ,  which is made up of three basic Hebrew letters, . These three letters actually are broken down into two parts: a two letter base or root, , and the first letter, , which is a modifier. The meaning of the two letter base, , is "to give". The letter "aleph" , which precedes these two letters comes to modify the meaning of the base word, "give". The complete meaning in whole  is "I give" and also "love".

We now see the connection between the two words, "I give" and "love". Love is giving. Not only is love giving, the process of giving develops the very relationship between the giver and the receiver. There is no greater giving than that of a husband and wife. Each one gives to the other. The more giving that one does, the greater is the connection grows.

The process of giving is a vehicle through which the giver through his act of giving is able to, through either a physical gift (or even a verbal comment), give of themselves  to another. This act of giving something is not merely helping another. For sure, giving is helping another, but it is much more than that. Giving is a method that enables us to make a connection to another person.  When we give to another, that which we give to him/her, could have been utilize to further our own self. In stead, we choose to take this object, which could have been utilized for our own needs and instead, use it for someone else.

Giving is a condition that creates and sustains love. With out giving, there is no connection that is sustaining.

The true relationships that our meaningful in our lives are those in which mutual giving takes place. The giving may be physical, emotional, intellectual or a combination. But with out giving from ourselves, no relationship can be enduring.

The biblical  definition of hatefulness has been defined multiple times as the act to love less or to distance ones self.

So, to answer, yes, when you decide to hold back a part of your relationship, you are essentially being selfish or hateful.  Given the level of commitment expected in a marriage, even more so to the point that such behavior could be defines as a higher level of hate by any means when you hold back or distance yourself. 

 

Selfish people love...themselves.

 

Like that matters. 

 

Is the opposite of 1 + 1 = 2 or 2 = 1 + 1 ? 

 

Au contraire, I think you have to be selfish to have real love. You cannot have true love when you are always giving, giving, giving, and never accept anything in return, or ask for anything in return. So selfishness is not the opposite of love; to love someone you have to want something from them in return, even if its just getting love back.

I think hate involves emotion, as does love. Hate involves a giving of the self to some extent. It is not love, yet it is not the opposite of love either.

The opposite of love is not-love, not-hate, nothingness. It is truly being indifferent. When the object you describe is out of the sphere of your emotional being, that is the opposite of love.

Personally I cannot stand the use of biblical definitions as any sort of truth in my own life, but each to their own. (rolls eyes, walks away to keep the peace).

 

I agree ..indifference 

 

I gotta vote hate.

I went to indifference/apathy, even lost the small amount of pity I had mustered for him. Then he went too far and screwed with my relationship with my children.

So it turns out that beyond indifference is a white hot hate that will supercede one's desire not to go to Hell when they die. I thought I had experienced some level of hate before in my life. I was wrong. Most people who claim hate of another person are confused or using the term in a colloquial, melodramatic fashion.

Real hate is scary and you'll have to trust me when I say you can't get any further from love.

 

There is no opposite of love.  
There is no opposite of hate or selfishness either. 
None of these concepts are mutually exclusive nor are they interdependent. 

 

Pinkberry, you have definitely gone through/are going through hell on earth from what I've read, and I am sorry for your situation.

If we take this to semantics, I believe your hate of your a$$hole ex is rooted in your love of your children. without the love you have for your children, there would be no hate of the one harming them/you.

Thus I still think hate is tied to love. For can we truly hate someone who does not tamper with someone we love?

 

Love is a strong emotion....as is hate.  The opposite is NO EMOTION.  Indifference.

A wise friend told me years ago after a breakup that I would knw I was DONE with the guy when I felt nothing for him...not love, OR hate, OR anger, or....well, anything beyond what I would feel for a friend.   That commen resonated many years later when I was contemplating leaving my 20 year marriage.  What did I feel fo/aboutr him, truly?  Yep...indifference.  Sorry (a little!) to have upturned the apple cart, but not a whole lot beyond that....Illustrative.