I Live In a Sexless Marriage Forum & Chat Board | New Appreciation

After living through this hell, I think after I get out I will have new appreciation for so many things that I have taken for granted at some points of my life.  Here is my short list...

Holding hands
intimate conversations
home cooked meals
massages
kissing
going down on a woman
caressing a woman's breasts
exercising with my partner
taking a nice getaway and having a ton of uninterrupted sex

In fact, I think the next woman in my life will probably get chafed down below from me going down on her so much.  LOL.

So, what are you anticipating on experiencing when you get out?
And for those of you who are already out, what things have you done that you have a new appreciation for?

 

Ah, yes, the smell of a woman.  Gee, the things we forget.
I also forgot to mention waking up with a woman in my arms rather than a pillow.
And waking up in a bed with a woman who wants to be there with me as opposed to
waking up on the couch alone.

 

Trust
Safety
Belonging
Unreasoning joy

Amongst other things....!  I wonder why people might seek it or miss its absence....

 

Yep.

And unfortunately, a fair old whack of pain and disruption to come before breaking out into these greener pastures.

So worth it.

Tread your own path.

 

I just want to be held again.
For ever.

 

Things I have a new appreciation for:

A man giving me a long massage because he enjoys touching me.
A man enjoying giving me pleasure.
Not having to beg for attention.
How sexy holding hands can be.
Being cared for.

 

Oh yes, HL42 -- unreasoning joy. That is a good call. That is what puts the cinnamon on the donut of life.

 

Laughter!!

Oh, and not getting yelled at when I ask a simple question.

 

All of the above is definitely a given.  It is called a Healthy Loving Marriage. 

I look forward to sharing my life and being totally vulnerable with my wife whoever she may be. 

I look forward to getting to know and discover a woman.  I look forward to watching her grow and mature.  Heck, I look forward to just watching her. 

This probably does not come as a surprise but I am a bit of a creep.  I really like gazing at women -- young and old.  Obviously it is awkward in public.  I look forward to watching the reflection of my wife gazing back into her own eyes. 

I want the crazy puppy love to last forever. 

 

I am out, and in a new relationship.  I have two things that I am extremely appreciative of:

1. I still have occasional flashbacks - little PTSD flare-ups.  These occur as I'm falling asleep or while I'm asleep.  Instead of taking medication, I can roll over, spoon my little furnace of love, and she'll push back into me as I wrap a big arm around her ribs, thread my hand up between her breasts, and pull her tight to me until I fall back asleep.  WAY better (for both of us!) than any Xanax ever was.

2. Time alone.  Most of the time, I ache for her when I'm not with her, just like I ached for my ex-wife when she was RIGHT FREAKIN' THERE...  I honor that longing, notice how it feels in my stomach and throat.  Then I go back to what I was doing for me, and imagine her doing something that she needs, wherever she is.  There's no feeling of being collared, nor any of the psycho-drama required to keep someone collared and controlled.  For the longest time, THAT took getting used to: freedom to not be beat down each day.  I still sit with this (in meditation) and observe what it feels like daily.

 

Being asked my opinion on something...and the pause while I collect my thoughts, as opposed to being told I must not have one, if I have to "think about it"

A hand on mine, casually, IN PUBLIC, just because my hand is in reach...

Being asked for a kiss, because he just wants one....

Feeling like I am a sexy, valuable, smart person...

and SO MUCH MORE...

PLEASE friends....if you know you're done, please don't waste any more of your precious time.....

 

I am looking forward to not being with someone who has so little to give and yet needs so much. I am looking forward to not having to constantly compromise (let's be honest, compromise means no one is really happy at least if you have to do it all the time). I can eat much healthier, cook what I want, never feel rejected (don't ask why I handle ever other relationship but this one well....) date if I want to or not if I choose not too. I will not miss the black sucking vortex of need.

 

Touching a man and feeling strong muscles move under his skin. I don't even care what muscles, any site will do.

Having my kinks and quirks delighted in, rather than shied away from.

Communication during sex -- verbal & nonverbal, mmm.

Dancing; being led if I can get it.

Listening to someone's intricate work stories that describe a process, or people, with a point.

Talking politics with someone who's not reciting NPR soundbites in place of an actual opinion.

Goofy jokes and helpless laughter.

Being welcome at home -- someone's face lighting up when I come in the door.

Being believed and heard; and able to believe what I hear!

 

"Having my kinks and quirks delighted in, rather than shied away from."....This!

Snuggling.
Caressing.
The smell after a hot sweaty session.
Looking into my lovers eyes when we're joined.
The feeling of knowing my partner wants me.
Morning sex.
Baths together.
Making out.
His hands in my hair.

 

Love this thread!

it's all there in a healthy relationship - the hand-holding, snuggling, laughter, and more.  And yes, very much appreciated. 

I appreciate that LNG is an adult.  He appreciates anything I may do for him or for us, but he doesn't NEED me to do anything.  He is just as capable as I am to make a meal, plan a trip, pack a bag, clean house, shop, hire a contractor, etc.   We are partners and lovers, not dependents.  Life has much more balance.