I Live In a Sexless Marriage Forum & Chat Board | On the other side - inhibitions

For those out of your SM or outsourcing:  Did you have any inhibitions regarding your lack of sexual experience?  If so, how did you get past it?  Having been in a SM for 10 years I feel practically like a virgin.  While I want to experiment and have fun I find myself being, I don't know, embarrassed by my inexperience. 

 

Don't worry, I doubt your man is expecting you to deep throat him while in the crab position! :-)

It's a very strange feeling having all the desire and intentions but that SM **** takes a while to subside. If you're in a FWB scenario then take it very slowly. Just getting used to being touched 'like that' again is quite a step. Keep relaxed and don't set expectations or targets. It will come naturally with time.

 

Talk about sex, get it all out in the open. Then.... really get it all out in the open!
Don't over think it and go with the flow

 

Malificent, am feeling the same way. I also find I don't have the vocabulary to even "go there", because as soon as I think I want something more on a date... my mind "shuts me down" immediately, and I switch topics to avoid hurt...

Funny how you can have 2 kids and still be a "virgin".

 

It is such basic things. My lover asked me to tell him what I liked and I just stared at him and said "I don't know"

 

Back in the day.

When the lovely enna and I first eyeballed each other after months of emails and phone calls etc I hadn't had a root for 3 years+. Maybe longer. Can't truly recall.

I had all sorts of concerns about not being able to get a rod, or blowing real quick, will she laugh at the size of my ****, will I be a good lover for her, etc etc etc.

After a bit of a snog, then a pre-dinner drink, a feed and a walk back to room 14, (the costs of which we split just for your info EinEngel lol) we got stuck into it.

All was well.

Very well.

Very Very well !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sister Mal. You say you " want to experiment and have fun". If you have a body in reasonable working order, and an attitude like you say, things will go well.

Very well.

Tread your own path.

 

May I whole heartedly endorse Baz's comments?!   I for one was so doubtful of my appeal for him that I booked a room with an extra single bed in it, in case he could not bring himself to even CONSIDER sleeping in the same bed - let alone having sex. . . .

That bed came in very handy for throwing off various garments in a hurry, as I recall!!

 

An understanding partner is fairly key, I'd say.

The first time my girlfriend and I had sex, it was pretty spontaneous and so hot and passionate that I...ummm...got off the blocks fast, if you know what I mean.  She was pretty understanding, even if I was completely embarrassed and hoping that she'd give me another chance!  She really helped me out the next time, and we were like pros (she calls it "******* like we're in a *****" lol).  

Now, my SM had only been going on for 8-9 years, so perhaps I wasn't as out of practice?  I still think it won't be a big deal.  Good luck!

Edited to add:  That doesn't mean there won't be weird things that happen from time to time.  Every now and then, if she's giving oral to completion, I'll tense up and I even pulled an ab muscle one time!!  I used to be so paranoid about it with my refuser that it's kind stuck around.

 

The first 3-4 times I had sex with Penelope, I couldn't come. Everyone brings a little baggage into a new relationship -this group, maybe even a whole extra spare wheelie bag.

If it's even an issue, you're with the wrong person.

 

I was afraid that I would not be able even to undress in front of a man... I was feeling old, fat and ugly... I thought that maybe I should forget about sex forever and just accept that it was the end...
I am happy now like never before.... One whole year of happiness... of passion...

 

Oh, this is a fun thread.  ;)  Being so newly out, I fear I can't add a lot yet, officially.  But unofficially I will say reading certain books (no not fifty shades either) always helps light some unused neurons in the brain, so do videos.  But, dare I say -- a partner who is into you really lights those neurons and you just kinda remember.  I am thinking it goes like that anyway.  ;)  Be yourself.  Don't morph.  Tell the truth.