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I Live With a Passive Aggressive Male

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 85 People

    Another Story On P/a

    It takes a special kind of woman to choose and marry a passive aggressive man. The woman who marries the passive aggressive man was taught in her family of origin to accept a high level of frustration for a minimal level of love and caring. When a woman marries the passive...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 3 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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    Passive Agressive Man Part 1

    There are many childhood set ups for this way of coping but most often there is a domineering mother and a father who is ineffectual. There are power struggles in the marriage with one parent backing off and withdrawing. The boy feels trapped between choosing loyalties at home...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 6 Responses Aug 15, 2012

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    Inside The Passive Aggressive:

    Inside the Passive Aggressive: The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect emotionally but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and engage in self-destructive habits. He will be covert in his actions and it will only move him further from his...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 4 Responses Aug 15, 2012

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    The Passive-aggressive Controller

    The Passive-Aggressive Controller Perhaps you know someone who displays several of the seven signs of passive aggression. This type of person … 1.Repeatedly promises to do things and then “forgets.” 2.Continually finds seemingly plausible excuses to delay taking action...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 5 Responses Aug 22, 2012

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    How The Woman'S Needs Contributes To The Unhealthy Dynamics Of The Relationship

    Passive aggressive behavior does not happen in a vacuum; it requires a partner to bounce things off of. This problems exists between people--one who resists and one who get frustrated. The need for a woman to choose and remain with a passive aggressive partner is a dynamic that...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F Jun 12, 2013

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    He Promises Everything and Then Comes Through With Nothing But Excuses

    Each day I wish I were not with him. He procrastinates or promises to do something and never completes what he said he would do. His temper flares for the smallest issues and I am always the supposed cause of everything that goes wrong for him. He is either sickingly sweet or...
    lovelyladybug lovelyladybug 56-60, F 8 Responses Sep 23, 2009

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    This may or may not be a form of PA behavior

    but it started a huge argument over something so small. He was texting his friend and didn't know how to spell "Cory/Corey" so I told him Cory and he kept asking me am I sure. I even gave famous names of people who have that particular spelling. Mind you it's the first one to...
    SoAntagonistic SoAntagonistic 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 18

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    Well I use to live with one

    if these creatures that's because he iSync father but my parents split up and I have a step dad. My dad is passive aggressive with me. So I cut him off and no longer talk to him.
    REALWORDS823 REALWORDS823 18-21, F Mar 23

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    Dealing With Passive Aggressive People. My Experience.

    Dealing with someone who is passive aggresive can be very tiring. When it finally dawns on you, you realise that you do not even know the person whom you are dealing with. Malice veiled in faux companionship. What veiled malice you ask? To deceive one into believing that one is...
    Scorpio1987 Scorpio1987 22-25, M 5 Responses May 17, 2012

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    I am 72 years old and am on my 2nd bout of

    breast cancer. Had years of depression and a breakdown. Took overdoses etc.etc. Had a son who died from Muscular dystrophy at 17 years old. But best of all - a husband who never once showed a bit of care, love, compassion. then yesterday I went on the internet and had my...
    veganjo veganjo 70+ 1 Response Apr 16

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    Passive Aggressive Part 4

    The man with passive aggressive actions is a master in getting his partner to doubt herself and feel guilty for questioning or confronting him. He encourages her to fall for his apologies, accept his excuses and focus on his charm rather than deal with the issue directly. He...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 15, 2012

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    I Got Out And I'm Thriving!

    It's been four years since the day I asked my exhusband to move out and I'm still figuring things out. I keep realizing how deep his Passive Aggressive tendencies were. I used to think it was just a lack of communication. Now I see how much he was holding me back, how anytime I...
    diwali123 diwali123 41-45 1 Response Jun 7, 2012

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    Relationships With P / A

    relationships Often times when he gets into a relationship, or married, he ends up choosing very strong, overbearing, controlling women. Remember, what I said, people often pick the opposite of themselves, and then it gets them off the hook for ever having to learn how to be...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F Aug 15, 2012

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    And So I'm Divorcing Him

    Im'm a member of the sexless marriage group. I am only recently learning that the cause of his intmacy neglect is his passive-aggressive behavior.
    Gigimus Gigimus 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 4, 2013

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    Could Use Some Help.

    I've been reading some of the posts on here. They really struck a chord. And I am many of the things written. Basically, the point I'm trying to make is that I would like all the constructive advice you're willing to share. And if anyone would be ok with pen palling on the...
    MastaFluff MastaFluff 22-25, M 2 Responses May 8, 2013

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    The Passive Aggressive And You:

    The Passive Aggressive and You: The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and demands he/she can resist. The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F Aug 15, 2012

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    I Took Your Advice.

    Someone commented the other day that I should read all I could about Passive Aggressive Males. I came to EP in a state of sadness and rage over my sexless marriage and now it seems I am married to a PAM. So many of the descriptions fitted my husband perfectly. It actually made me...
    daetz2012 daetz2012 51-55 1 Response Jul 10, 2013

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    NOTE: This is the "condensed" version.

    For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37...... *FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 9 Responses Dec 10, 2013

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    I Thought I Was Crazy

    I have been with my husband since I was sixteen. Married at 20. He has always been passive aggressive but I didn't know there was a name for it. If he has to do something or go somewhere he doesn't want to he will start a fight or say something isn't working right whatever to get...
    Eare Eare 41-45 4 Responses Apr 12, 2012

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    Crazy Making

    if you are dealing with a passive aggressive, You have a lot of anger toward  man you are involved with. You just can’t figure out exactly what you are angry about. He is sweet, kind and loving. He never argues, does exactly what you wish. There must be something wrong with...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 13, 2013

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    Ok I Have To Write Fast, He's Outside ...doing..whatever!

    I  have been with my PA for 2 years May 31st.  When i met him he was dying of pancreatic cancer. He was so kind, loving and appreciative I didn't care if all i had was 2 months with him. November 2008 we found out the tumor was gone (I had been giving him cancer tea...
    Toratora47 Toratora47 46-50, F 4 Responses Jun 4, 2010

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    Passive /a Part 3

    He may have multiple relationships with women as a way of keeping distant from one fully committed relationship. He is confused about which woman he wants and stays caught between the two women in his life not being able to commit fully to either. He is confused and can't...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F Aug 15, 2012

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    Passive /a Part 5

    He Hurts Everyone in His Path, Including Himself They're the men who seem so nice, and trustworthy. They don't hurt you out in the open, but in a very subtle way, you may not even be aware of. Just the same, they can hurt the people they say they care about the most. A...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 15, 2012

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    Symptoms Of Passive Agressive

    Symptoms People with this disorder resent responsibility and show it through their behaviors, rather than by openly expressing their feelings. They often use procrastination, inefficiency, and forgetfulness to avoid doing what they need to do or have been told by others to do...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 3 Responses May 10, 2013

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    I take my him to light rail

    for work faithfully 6-7am every morning. Since we have only one vehicle it's like my sole duty unless he wants to use the car. Today I woke up as usual and dropped him off at the light rail around 7am. I was freaking sleepy today but I still went about my cleaning, grocery...
    SoAntagonistic SoAntagonistic 26-30, M 2 Responses Jun 19

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    How Does Your Passive Aggressive Husband Need You?

    A most frustrating aspect of living with a passive aggressive man is that he has perfected the art of not following through on his agreements and promises. He takes on big projects but never finishes them, then tends to feel put upon or hostile if someone else tries to finish it...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 4 Responses Jul 11, 2013

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    P/a Man

    The man with this type of pattern shows little consideration of the time, feelings, standards or needs of others. He obstructs and block progress to others getting what they want and then ignores or minimalizes their dissatisfactions and anger. He is silent when confronted as he...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 4 Responses Sep 11, 2012

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    Ranting Maniac! (me That Is)

    I have been involved with a passive agressive man for 6 years.  The first couple of years, I could not figure out what was going on with him.  Sometimes he was loving, kind and funny.  Then he would turn around and become cold, selfish, and acted like he was not...
    bphoenix bphoenix 61-65, F 4 Responses Nov 10, 2009

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    Passive Agressive Behaviors

    Passive Agressive FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, instinctually denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 15, 2012

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    I Will Finally Be Free Feb. 5

    I was married for 3 years to a PA man.  It was a nightmare.  When we were in public, he was affectionate and loving, in private he would completely ignore me and refused to touch me sexually.  We were in counseling - and he was sullen and did not participate. ...
    iheartemus iheartemus 26-30, F 7 Responses Jan 22, 2010

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    Hello! I am newly married

    and the blinders are now coming off. I have taught my husband how to treat me, I take responsibility for this, but he is text book passive aggressive. He makes promises that are empty. He tells everyone he knows about our personal issues so he feels like he's right, gaining...
    Blingjeansqueen Blingjeansqueen 46-50, F 5 Responses Feb 24

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    I Never Said That!"

    Most of us have experienced some confusion and despair dealing with a spouse, other family member or close acquaintance. The behavior we want to discuss with you today is so frustrating because we do not know how to handle it and we cannot see the reason the person behaves so...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 1 Response May 19, 2013

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    Everyone Thinks I'm So"Lucky" To Be With My Husband

    I've been with my PA husband for 21 1/2 years. It took me awhile (20 years) to realize that he is passive aggressive. When we first met he was very charming and sweet. As time went on, he shows absolutely no emotion whatsoever. He plays the victim whenever he can. Promises are...
    irenexenn irenexenn 46-50, F 4 Responses Jul 17, 2013

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    Agreement, Resistance And Hidden Hostility As Major Characteristics

    Agreement, Resistance and Hidden Hostility as Major Characteristics The man with passive aggressive behavior needs someone to be the object of his hidden hostility. He needs an adversary whose expectations and demands he can resist as he plays out the dance he learned from his...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 12, 2013

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    Why Are Pisces Men So Passive/careless?!!

    Why are Pisces men so passive/careless?!!? I'm having a really hard time "getting over" my Pisces ex. I'm a Capricorn woman. We were really in love, he claims that I was the first girl he actually "wanted" to be loyal too. But when we were together, I had major trust issues with...
    baditude baditude 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 27, 2012

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    So today is my day off

    and I wanted to sleep in. My boyfriend woke me up and kinda demanded that I call and set up his doctors appointment today. I asked why he couldn't do it and why he had been put it off since today seemed like the last day he could schedule. He shook his head and said that I was...
    SoAntagonistic SoAntagonistic 26-30, M May 7

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    Passive /a Part 2

    The biggest irritant in being with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn't follow through on his agreements and promises. He dodges responsibility while insisting he's pulling his weight. He often ignores reality as to his irresponsibility and withdrawal. He denies evidence...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F Aug 15, 2012

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    When People Recognize Their Man (Loved One ) May Be Passive Aggressive They:

    * are surprised. * get disappointed. * get angry. * are confused by p/a  behavior. * confronts  P/A  on their actions. * realize that THE P/A  lied to them. * get frustrated by the inconsistency in P/A  behavior. * begin to do battle with the P/A - resulting in a conflict...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 15, 2013

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    What Is Passive Aggressiveness ?

    I act in a passive aggressive way when I: * hide my hostility by seeming to be nice to someone I dislike, and am unable to be honest with the person. * say I agree with something but don't follow through because I really don't agree with it. * act opposite to what others are...
    westsideblues1 westsideblues1 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 15, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    My mother has been passive aggressive my whole life yet I just realized it in my early 40's. My father died 3 years ago and that's when her PA really escalated. The first 6...
    alleb1990 alleb1990 41-45 3 Responses Oct 5

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    And I feel like I'm going insane. How much more of this crap can I take? Is there a limit? Just had couples therapy today but I feel like he just happily agrees with therapist...
    squirrelbounce squirrelbounce 36-40, F 2 Responses Sep 23

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    Its just comfortable at home and I live with my parents and its peaceful. I don't pay rent. Besides Im not married, and I don't want to live by myself. Im a family girl.
    bridgeoverwater bridgeoverwater 26-30, F 2 Responses Oct 2

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    I live with my boyfriend because the people I grew up with were abusive when I was little and are literally crazy and evil. They'd talk about selling me, the R- word which they did...
    gardengirl17 gardengirl17 22-25, F a week ago

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    I have been married to a PA husband for 7 years, we have 2 kids, 4 and 6 yo. We met on a dating site, I was 36 and did not believe in being madly in-love at this age. However, my...
    maminino maminino 41-45, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    My mom is a very passive aggressiv person who makes my and my dads live just miserable. She uses guilt a lot. I moved further and further away from her to have a normal and happy...
    LiniBeeny LiniBeeny 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 22

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    When it comes to my mental illnesses which are schizophrenia anxiety disorder depression and intrusive disturbed images thoughts and feelings sometimes even random words pop in my...
    Janisoneluv Janisoneluv 26-30, F Oct 5

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    I am 19 and I am desperate to live on my own but I have to wait till I complete my schooling so I can work. Im thankful for my parents support but I hate depending on them for...
    DanielleJW DanielleJW 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 23

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    Yes I feel sometimes I have not lived upto my principles.With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so...
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F Sep 27

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    I love you my ****. I dont want to say your name, as I want to protect you still even though you have abandoned me. Just let me know you are happy and I will be ok to know that...
    dreamingdarkness dreamingdarkness 26-30, M Sep 28

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    I have kids how could I go without I have to have it
    kenzie111Hall kenzie111Hall 26-30, F Sep 20

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    If you don't think they cheat, they do!!! don't fool yourself, they couldn't give a dam about you.......although they will manipulate you every now and then to make you feel loved...
    theywillmakeyouthinkyournuts theywillmakeyouthinkyournuts 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 29

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