I Lost My Mother to Cancer Forum & Chat Board | Please help

Hi my mum died about 2 and a half years ago when i was 18. its a week till my 21st birthday and i miss he now more than ever. i have my dad and my sister who is 7.
when she passed away i was the strong one who helped organise everything and was there for everyone elce. alot happened with my mums friends who were like family to me. my dad started seing somebody elce within 2 months of my mums death, they were not supportive and ganged up on my dad one of them write spitefull letters and they all just shut us out completly. i stuck by my dad, ofcorce i was not happy with the situation and i told him how i felt, but i just lost my mum i couldnt loose him too. everyone has been very distant and my mum was a big charactor in many peoples lives. at birthdays and gatherings people still cry and im still strong and support them all. i had a very hard time atr home whist my dad was with that other woman as shed controled him and we hardly saw eachother at home as when ever i was home he would go out so i would look after my sister.( she has been for counsloling and she has coped amazingly, we do talk about mum at home and she tells me when shes sad and i try my best to support her.) during these time me and my dad argued constantly and never saw eye to eye as i didnt see it right on my sister alot of the time with the other woman making a big sudden part in his and later her life. left me wanting to move out ect. however they broke up he realised she wasnt right for him and is now with a different woman whom is very nice and sutible.has a child 2 yrars older than my sister. but the reason why i am writing this today is that i feel i need help as its only now i am stgarting to grieve the loss of my mum. i miss her so much i want to giver her a hug and explain all my problems and i realise now shes not there i cant do this. i have always been very close with my mum. and my closest friend of ten years we have fallen out and my boyfriend of 4 years we have broken up. and its not even because of me changeing my boyfiriend had lots of family problems so us being together didnt make sence and my best friend just grew obsessed with a boy and has lost alot of friends because of this. i want my mum so badly it hurts inside and i have all these feelings and i dont no how to deal with them all. me and my dad are kind of close but he wouldnt no how to talk to me. i just need help on how to deal with this. i no my mums not here but i guess it only makes sence now, like it has finaly hit me.. what do i do now? x

 

I think that this kind of loss is so big, that we can't really start to grieve until we feel that it is safe. I had little periods of time that I'd grieve for her. They started about a year after she died, and kept coming after that. I had a period of about a year that I cried for her nearly every day. And that was fifteen years after she died. I was sixteen when she went, and I think it's too soon for us to know how to grieve.

The only advice I can give you is to embrace the grief, because it makes you close to her. And just breathe. This is a very hard loss, and nothing can change that or make it better. There is no time limit on grief. No way to "move on" because you'll never have another mother. Just breathe, and write here if it helps. It helps me. : )

***big hugs***

 

Maybe you have an Aunt or friend you can talk to? Maybe a teacher or counselor? 

And in addition to what Glow says, embrace the good times too. Your Mum will always be with you. She's in the way you think, speak, the things you do. And you'll pass this on to others too. Years from now you'll still hear her voice in the way you say things or maybe even catch a bit of her laugh in your children. It'll happen. *Big hugs* 

 

My family turned on me.I miss my mom everyday i dnt even get out of bed sometimes.