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I Lost Someone To Suicide

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 8,035 People

    We weren't close. She had her friends.

    I had my notebook. She was a beautiful dancer. I was a social outcast. She was always smiling. I was always looking at the ground. Her laugh was contagious. My colds were contagious. Her favorite color was pink. My favorite color was black. She was at war with her demons, I...
    mymartianromance mymartianromance 16-17, F Jun 17

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    "Are you crazy," she screamed.

    Yes, I am crazy. You only get one love in life. I don't have my love.
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F Jun 9

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    DoubleEOneL DoubleEOneL 22-25, F 1 Response May 28

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    My sister took her life 5 mos ago.

    I still have to walk myself through this new reality forgetting or finding it impossible to believe that this actually happened. Life is tricky and unpredictable right now. Feel wildly insecure and unbalanced. I'm finding it nearly impossible to do anything I used to find fun. I...
    missdioggi missdioggi 36-40, F 17 Responses Jan 9

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    "It's not like you to leave the stage in the

    middle of a song. Your absolutely beautiful song" the lyrics got me in the feels. "Why" by Rascal Flatts https://youtu.be/j3_85GXsKqk
    iusedtolovemyself iusedtolovemyself 46-50, F 6 Responses Jun 15

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    My big brother. He hung himself

    because he was bullied for being gay. I miss him more and more everyday. Rest in Paradise Richard <3 I love you. It still hurts, even though this happened nearly two years ago. May 5th will make two years since he's been gone. I just have to remind myself he's no longer in...
    shipmateelyssa shipmateelyssa 16-17, F 7 Responses May 3, 2014

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    I think the worst part about losing someone to

    suicide is when you see them spiraling down, and you know there isn't much you can do. I didn't ever know how to help him and next thing I knew it was over.
    avabellaforb avabellaforb 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 30, 2014

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    My Mom

    Sep 25, 2013 It hurts way more than I thought it would. It's like my mom was two different people. I want to throw up just thinking about it. Her service is Wednesday and I'm dreading it. I can't stop getting into a panic just thinking about it. I'm nervous because its her...
    leestrauss leestrauss 22-25, M 8 Responses Oct 1, 2013

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    My World Lost A Beautiful But Tragic Woman.

    My mother was a stunning woman. She was of irish, french and tahitian heritage. The clearest blue eyes, dark curly long mane for hair, a models body with the height to match. Apple of her fathers eye, eldest of three, spoiled by the love of a family. She had everything. She had...
    DarkHeartLove DarkHeartLove 26-30, F 6 Responses Jul 10, 2012

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    I woke up and realized it was a beautiful day

    with clear, sunny skies. Today the sky is the exact same color as your eyes were. It's a year today that you left everybody, and we all dearly miss your smile, your laugh, your kindness, your sense of humor and so many other things about you. It's a shame that the world had to...
    PiecesOfPeace PiecesOfPeace 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 14

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    I find it hard to cope without my dad I can't

    understand why he would do this to Me and my brothers
    ekins09 ekins09 26-30, M 2 Responses May 29

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    I remember our last goodbye,

    it stays with me like a lucid dream. Early morning hazy sunshine, and the smell of petrol leaking from my bike exhaust. "It will be fine, i said". "I only have to ride 10 minutes to work". "Alright" he said. "Ride safe, meet up later for lunch". As we went to hug, we headbutted...
    biteybikerchick biteybikerchick 31-35, F Jun 10

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    How Suicide Has Effected My Life..

    I am writing this story after reading other peoples horrifying experiences with suicide.  Mine seems mild compared to some of the stories i have read on here. My experiences with suicide started with my Uncle Paul.  He shot himself when i was a toddler so i dont...
    kim8701 kim8701 18-21 16 Responses Jul 15, 2008

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    R.i.p.

    You were an incredible friend. You were so kind and tender. You were never cruel to anyone. I am so sorry it happened like this. I don't pretend to know what was happening in your life, but you changed everyones' lives for the better who knew you. You were such a gentle person...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 14, 2012

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    I Was Waiting Until I Was Ready to Write This,,,

                                           A Dedication To Maddie        ...
    QueenOfHearts QueenOfHearts 22-25, F 33 Responses Oct 1, 2009

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    At this point in the recovery period I do not

    know where I stand...Recently it was the anniversary of your "departure" and I felt the same way as I felt when your brother A. called to tell us about you a year ago. Sometimes I am so furious against you for giving up, other times I am pissed at B. for not letting you go, and...
    Marife7128 Marife7128 51-55, F 3 Responses Jun 9

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    3 years ago I lost my brother to suicide.

    ..and I swear it seems to never get easier to deal with...R.I.P Josh..until we meet again...love u
    gabrielle04 gabrielle04 26-30, F 10 Responses Apr 29

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    In 2 weeks will be 6 years

    since my sister in law made her permanent choice. She was 28. Intelligent. Kind. Funny. Loved! We were chatting on fb at the moment she pulled the trigger but I didn't know that yet. I miss her. I cried but I've never broken down. I might not ever. There are always more...
    iusedtolovemyself iusedtolovemyself 46-50, F 1 Response Jun 14

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    The apartment complex staff was wonderful to me.

    Somehow, they decided I shouldn't go back into that place, so they moved all my furniture and belongings into another apartment in a different building. The janitor had been a friend of Bob's, so it ended up his job to clean up all the blood. He even had the equipment to suck up...
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 1 Response Jun 12

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    All I can remember growing up was my dad in

    prison. He used to come out on leave sometimes and see us. A week before my 14th he called and told me he was out and that he loved me and be there on my birthday. The day after my 14th my mum told me he had killed himself the day before my birthday. I was heart broken and it...
    nemome123 nemome123 13-15, F 4 Responses Jun 8

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    I have lost two family members to suicide.

    The first one was my brother in 2008. The next was my uncle last night. Prayers appreciated.
    musicmakerdude musicmakerdude 22-25, M 2 Responses Jun 12

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    My name is jessica I'm 27 I lost my mom to

    suicide may17 th 2009 I'm starting a support group for families left behind after a suicide it called Julie's hope. I'm looking for other people that would under stand what I'm going through and to join me at my meetings I live in Garfield heights ohio message me or call me at...
    lifeafterasuicide lifeafterasuicide 26-30, F 7 Responses Aug 27, 2014

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    I lost my first love to suicide at age 19 (he

    was 20). I found him hanging in the attic. His parents were out of town…so I rode alone in the ambulance to the hospital with him. But I knew he was dead. I knew it then and I still knew when the doctor told me they were unable to revive him. In the hospital I stood alone...
    shylainey shylainey 22-25, F 8 Responses Apr 6, 2014

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    Steve told me he told all of you Bob left me

    with $30,000.00. Do you think I would have struggled all these years with that kind of money? I would have bought a house for 30 Grand in 1990, that's the exact price of my two bedroom in Historic Sandy. I would have never worked with arthritic ankles and wrists had I not...
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 1 Response Jun 12

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    My Little Girl...

    This is such a hard thing to do. And honestly... I thought I would never be able to share something so hurtful and one of the causes of this terrible state I'm in... but I just read the story of one of my new EP friends, and have the feeling (can be mistaken) that finding the...
    sweetmeisje sweetmeisje 26-30, F 14 Responses Oct 31, 2009

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    Ryan

    My best friend Ryan committed suicide 2 weeks ago yesterday. He's always been depressed and talked about it endlessly so I can't say it was a huge shock but it still hit me pretty hard..I'd never been to a funeral or even seen a corpse before and I had to be one of the pall...
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace 26-30, M 44 Responses Nov 15, 2012

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    Two People

    I was one of the first people to discover Alice dead. She had been growing quite distant for some time and one day she said to come to her house to talk with her a little. I was overjoyed! She's reaching out! I quickly put on some good clothes and walked to her place. The door...
    EmpowermentProject EmpowermentProject 31-35, F 8 Responses Jun 5, 2013

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    my husband killed himself.

    left myself and a 2 year old boy. our son is four now and I still miss him so much. I have moved on and have an amazing boyfriend but I still think about him everyday. I am just so sad. I fight depression daily. been on a ton of different meds. nothing is working. the worst part...
    kayliw kayliw 26-30, F 2 Responses May 28

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    [open letter] RIP Josh.

    I've been listening to your playlist. Honestly, I need you more than ever now. Some days I feel like ****. Some days I really do just want to quit and leave everything. But I will never forget my promise to you. I'm carrying on for the both of us. I miss you so much. I miss...
    EnigmaSings EnigmaSings 22-25, F Jul 16, 2014

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    I Lost My Dad To Suicide.....Paul Anthony.

    ([Edit] Just noticed over 2000 people have read this. I hope some of you found a tiny bit of something to relate to. and thank you all so much for taking the time to read this ) I found this thread so am taking a few moments to just put my experience out there. Feel kinda kooky...
    CharlieUniform CharlieUniform 31-35, F 74 Responses Apr 24, 2011

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    My friend committed suicide on my birthday.

    Since then, my parents doesn't know about it. I've been depressed about it.
    TheHauntedSoul TheHauntedSoul 16-17, T 4 Responses May 28

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    Don't know how you can forgot those downs?

    I remember them. I'll still be in this mode most likely through the Fourth of July. Sometimes, if I go through it before June 28, like this year, I won't have to get through the July 4th depressed. I really don't think there's been a year I haven't remembered Bob's suicide date...
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 1 Response Jun 8

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    His mother was going to fight over his body.

    I wanted him to stay in Salt Lake, and be buried in the Veteran's graveyard. I could have had him cremated for six hundred, considering I was so mad at him for leaving his dead body on my bed. She said she'd pay any amount to have him buried in Iowa. Until the five thousand...
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 2 Responses Jun 8

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    My Best Friend....

    My best friend... we were both in 8th grade... She was beautiful, but she got bullied by not just girls... guys. She was called fat and she was called ugly... I tried to protect her... but then she got a facebook... by the time I realized what was happening on facebook, it was to...
    ADemonsFate ADemonsFate 18-21, M 14 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    The telephone rings. It's troubling news.

    A father's distraught. I'm a daughter confused. A flood of emotions, Agony afflicting my mind. Will my prayers be answered, If I can make it on time? At the end of my tortuous drive, While I'm unlatching his gate, I hear that echoing sound, I know that I'm a minute too...
    Loverofpeace Loverofpeace 41-45, F 14 Responses Apr 16

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    I recall how the last cigarette he smoked was

    crushed into the ashtray. It was standing erect shaped like a z.
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F Jun 9

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    Suicide i wanted to talk about what it's like

    to lose a loved one to suicide. The first year you are numb, the second you begin to live. The third is survival. It wasn't until the 5th year, when I had sex again. The anger from them, his family, is why I left. I often wondered if he was leaving also, but that was his only...
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 2 Responses Jun 10

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    I don't really talk about him.

    Not because I'm mad or sad, I've been both of those things, but that's not why. He was my best friend in high school. The first two years of it anyway. We were both misfits, outcasts. He was the fat kid and I was the weird girl. Except he didn't see me like that. To him, I was...
    kbetweens kbetweens 26-30, F 3 Responses Feb 27, 2014

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    My Daughter Megan Shot And Killed Herself 11/3/13

    I just can't let her go. I was kept from seeing her with the best intentions. Maybe that's why I still can't believe it.
    megankentsmom megankentsmom 41-45, F 12 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    June 29th is always an emotional surprise.

    It was around 1pm and we were instant messaging on Facebook. Joking around as usual. We had no idea she was planning to do this for years. She said someone was at the door and she'd be right back. I didn't know she was already gone. The phone rang. My mother in law was crying...
    iusedtolovemyself iusedtolovemyself 46-50, F 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    On April 23, 2015 my ex boyfriend committed

    suicide.. We had started dating on April 29, 2014 and we broke up July 18, 2014 and I know that is not a very long relationship, but somehow between, the hugs, kisses, talks, smiles, and laughs I fell in love with him and I guess he didn't fall in love with me.. August 15, 2014...
    Brina99 Brina99 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    It was January 23, 2015,

    just a few months ago. I woke up in the morning and the atmosphere felt different, almost as if I was in another country. The sky was eerily dark and I just felt a knot in my stomach. My mother hadn't woke my sister and I up for school so we were confused, but didn't ponder upon...
    Eneal1202 Eneal1202 16-17, M 6 Responses a week ago

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    June 27, 2015 : Stardate June 27,

    1990. He let me go to sleep that night knowing he would put than damn shotgun to his chest the next day. Knowing it would be me to find the bloody mess. How dare he think me such a friend.
    jaymepopejoy jaymepopejoy 56-60, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Yes, I have lost a family member to suicide.

    It was my first husband. We loved each other very much and we had three beautiful boys together. My husband was a military officer and had been to the Middle East war zones repeated times and it took its toll on him mentally. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD. He did not...
    happygoluckywife happygoluckywife 36-40, F 8 Responses Mar 19, 2014

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    ashlynthewolf I think is her username.

    .. this gave me reasons to hate ep. everyone wanted her dead and they kept explaining how it would be an amazing thing if she had. well you know what? most of the people who talked to her are now the cause of her death and this ****** me off. I loved her and I cared for her and...
    highomeal highomeal 18-21, M 20 Responses Jan 22

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    I Didn't Think I Would Actually Share This Here

    I really try to not dwell in the past, but someone asked a question this week that reminded me of the unique circumstances around surviving the suicide of someone you love.   My husband took his own life four years ago.  It was not his first attempt, although I had...
    edgargeorge edgargeorge 41-45, F 32 Responses Jul 31, 2009

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