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I Love a Good Laugh

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    Things I think about

    while on hold. . . . .Does a shepherd fall asleep when he is counting his flock to make sure they are all there . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 days ago

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    my 5 yo niece told me this one today.

    "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it". I'm still smiling.
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 16

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    In 1964 Jack Weinberger,

    a free speech activist, said "Dont Trust anyone over 30". . . .I wonder if he trusts anyone over 80 now . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two silkworms had a race.

    . . . . . They ended up in a tie.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A successful man is one

    who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    BeautifulSurprise BeautifulSurprise 36-40, F 5 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    I asked a Chinese girl

    for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-*****...
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 5 hrs ago

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    I once had girlfriend say I made her feel

    invisible.. . . . Which I found funny because . . . . . I didnโ€™t even know I had a girlfriend. . . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    When I was younger . .

    . . .I used to leave the gas cap hangin off when I went out on a date . . . .that way she would think I was pretty popular when people waved at me . . ..
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Young Love.

    A boy approached the girl's father and asked,"Sir,can I have your daughter's hand?"The father replied,"You might as well,since you've already had the rest of her." Hahahaha..just kidding!!!!๐Ÿ˜œ
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 16 Responses Feb 9

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    Just watched a commercial.

    . . . . . I dont get it . . . . ..How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Hey ! I don't mind when older folks decide to

    relax and slow down.. . . . I just wish they wouldn't do it in their cars. . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day

    and asks his father, โ€œDaddy, am I more Jewish or more black?โ€ The dad replies, โ€œWhy do you want to know, son?โ€ โ€œBecause a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!โ€
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    I know it doesnt sound like much yet

    but hear me out , now on 4 in C. . . ." Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BATMAN!!!!" Sooooo ? What do you think ?
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 days ago

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    Pass it on (from a new friend) Girl: *calls

    911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Girl: Two boys are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Girl: The ugly one is winning.
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 13 Responses Dec 8, 2013

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    My neighbors a moron.

    . . I asked him to look and see if my turn signals were working . . . .I turn them on . . .I hear Yes. . . .No. . . .Yes. . . . No. . . . .Yes. . . .No. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Woke up with my credit card lying on my

    keyboard. I can't wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses Apr 9

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    Tried dark roast coffee.

    No cream No sugar. Result. Thats for people who love shaking their heads and grunting. Lmao.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 43 mins ago

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    Never could understand

    why two men would walk abreast. . . .I would think it would just be a whole lot easier and less embarrassing to walk a dog.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Friendship between women: - OMG.

    I am so fat. - Silly, you are not fat, you are perfect. Friendship between men: - I am fat. - Yes dude. And ugly too. :-))
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 9 Responses Jun 19

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    A study has revealed

    that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be...
    expressomarkie expressomarkie 46-50, M 16 Responses Feb 3

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    Of all the things I've lost,

    i miss my mind the most :)
    informal informal 31-35 24 mins ago

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    A married couple were arguing over a financial

    problem and the husband turns to his wife and says " You know after all these years I can't still don't understand how they could make you so beautiful and yet so dumb"! So the wife patiently responds " It really isn't that hard to figure out you see, they made me beautiful so...
    Taumilynn Taumilynn 36-40 4 Responses Apr 21

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    My neighbor's a moron .

    . .he volunteers as a cross walk guard a couple days a week , now he tells people he is in human trafficking. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 7 Responses May 12

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    Last night, laying in bed with my wife,

    I said: "I love you.". She asked: "Is that you, or the beer talking?" I said: "It's me. Talking to the beer....".
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 17 Responses Jun 10

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    KataraC KataraC 18-21, F 7 Responses Apr 21

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    1wrenchedwench 1wrenchedwench 46-50, F 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    Who is eHarmony fooling .

    . . . .if they were honest . . . .they would be pairing a lot of people with a room full of cats . . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 days ago

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    I got pulled over by a bicycle cop

    once . . . .he said "Do you know why I pulled you over ?". . . . I said "Hell NO, In Fact I dont even know why I stopped !"
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    My 6 yr old son was laying on my leather couch

    this morning watching cartoons when suddenly he sighed really loudly and said, "Mama, there's no butter on my back!" I'm sorry, what? "There's no butter on my back! I keep sticking to the couch!!"
    notyourgirlfriday notyourgirlfriday 31-35, F 6 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    Footballcfc1 Footballcfc1 13-15, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    There was a preacher

    who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God...
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    Lol this 15 year old just message me asking me

    for a picture of my d**k. And i just laughted at her message and told her "go play with ur dolls lil kid" this site is not only filled with pervs but also horny lil inmature 15 year old girls.
    Vinneh23 Vinneh23 22-25, M 5 Responses Jul 7, 2014

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    Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island.

    For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship. One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses May 12

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    The Mile High Club

    On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude theyโ€™ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. . Then...
    Myztikal Myztikal 41-45, F 18 Responses Oct 4, 2013

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    My dear friend of 43 years passed away suddenly

    on Election day in November. She was my friend and sister (not biological) and knew everything about me..was there to witness everything. No one knew so much about my life or dysfunctional family.It's the kind of relationship that only comes once in a lifetime. During the last...
    Oddandsingular Oddandsingular 56-60, F 10 Responses Feb 24

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    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook

    for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an *******!
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 6 hrs ago

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    Once I've advertised on Craigslist: "Wife

    wanted" I've got 23450 messages from men saying: "You can have mine".
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 13 Responses Jun 23

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    I find it funny that 30-50 year old guys

    without profile pics and experiences all about sex message me and think im actually gonna reply ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ dumbasses
    LoveEverMore LoveEverMore 13-15, F 12 Responses Jun 21

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    My 5 year old son has Charlie Brown pajamas,

    and he was wearing them this morning so I said, "Good morning, Charlie Brown!" His response was (with his R's making the /w/ and sometimes /h/ sound), "I am NOT Chahlie Bwown! I have tattoos and loads of haiw! Manliuh! Manliuh! Manliuh!!" That would be hair and manlier. He...
    notyourgirlfriday notyourgirlfriday 31-35, F 8 Responses Apr 6, 2014

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    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    " Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Some people say "If you can't beat them,

    join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    If Superman owned sheep,

    would they have steel wool?
    mmorgan0678 mmorgan0678 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    If money doesn't grow on trees,

    the why do banks have branches? LOL
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 7 Responses Jul 28

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    I just want to grab a fish out of my fish tank

    and slap a few people in the face with the fishes ***. ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ 
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses May 14

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    A man approached a very beautiful woman in a

    large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
    Sinjintiger Sinjintiger 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 10

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