on Election day in November. She was my friend and sister (not biological) and knew everything about me..was there to witness everything. No one knew so much about my life or dysfunctional family.It's the kind of relationship that only comes once in a lifetime. During the last...
and he grabs a case of beer to take home...
She, says "put that back, we can't afford to spend $40 on beer"
He said "but i just saw you spend $60 on make up"
She said "that's so I look pretty for you"
He said "That's what the beer was for"
and said,"When we were first married,I would come home from the office,my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.Now after ten years it's all different.I come home,the dog brings my slippers and my wife runs around barking...
that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on...
large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the totalstranger...
for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.
Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if...
Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.
'Come have a look over here,' says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'
'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'This is the Inland Revenue Service, income tax department. Can you help us?'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'Is he a member of your congregation?' He is'
'Did he donate €10,000 to the church?'
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny
on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the...
when nervous, the local bully occasionally took our lunch money. He was a middle schooler, I was so nervous cause I left my money in my mom's house, in my draw. Well, when he got to me all the words got mixed up. What came out my mouth was " I left it your mom's draws...
in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb... And these 6-year-olds came up with:
It's always darkest before ...
daylight saving time.
Where there's smoke there's ...
Don't bite the hand...
do whole day without stressing about applications for job, uni, etc... i wish i could just play games, draw draw draw, read books, watch dramas and movies... sleep when i want to, play when i want to, eat what i want to eat without having to worry about health, my own welfare...
problem and the husband turns to his wife and says " You know after all these years I can't still don't understand how they could make you so beautiful and yet so dumb"! So the wife patiently responds " It really isn't that hard to figure out you see, they made me beautiful so...
that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be...
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. .
First 3 Years
...perfumes, flowers, chocolates, strawberry, grapes
After 3 Years
...baby powder, Johnsons lotion and cream, baby oils
After 15 years
...zandu balm, vicks, iodex, relispray
After 40 years
the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self lubricating. It takes any size piston and it changes its own oil every 4 weeks.
It is a pity thought that the management system is so fking temperamental.
bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus, which now seemed a...