and he was wearing them this morning so I said, "Good morning, Charlie Brown!" His response was (with his R's making the /w/ and sometimes /h/ sound), "I am NOT Chahlie Bwown! I have tattoos and loads of haiw! Manliuh! Manliuh! Manliuh!!" That would be hair and manlier. He...
large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. .
and said,"When we were first married,I would come home from the office,my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.Now after ten years it's all different.I come home,the dog brings my slippers and my wife runs around barking...
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny
on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the...
for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an *******!
problem and the husband turns to his wife and says " You know after all these years I can't still don't understand how they could make you so beautiful and yet so dumb"! So the wife patiently responds " It really isn't that hard to figure out you see, they made me beautiful so...
who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God...
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be...
and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the totalstranger...