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I Love a Good Laugh

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 71,642 People

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    My neighbors a moron.

    . . I asked him to look and see if my turn signals were working . . . .I turn them on . . .I hear Yes. . . .No. . . .Yes. . . . No. . . . .Yes. . . .No. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Laughing so hard, no noise coming out,

    so you sit there clapping like a retarded seal.
    BeautifulSurprise BeautifulSurprise 36-40, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Pass it on (from a new friend) Girl: *calls

    911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Girl: Two boys are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Girl: The ugly one is winning.
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 13 Responses Dec 8, 2013

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    Have you ever noticed .

    .. .. A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal. . . .. . . looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer.. . .. . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 5 days ago

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    My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous.

    The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who the hell May was.
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 6 Responses Jun 23

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    Just watched a commercial.

    . . . . . I dont get it . . . . ..How is it possible that the side effect for asthma medication is shortness of breath?
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    A husband visited a marriage counsellor

    and said,"When we were first married,I would come home from the office,my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.Now after ten years it's all different.I come home,the dog brings my slippers and my wife runs around barking...
    teachocolate teachocolate 41-45, F 28 Responses Feb 7

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    BantaKing101 BantaKing101 13-15, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook

    for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an *******!
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    I asked a Chinese girl

    for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-*****...
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    If money doesn't grow on trees,

    the why do banks have branches? LOL
    HeyyMrsCarter HeyyMrsCarter 22-25, F 7 Responses Jul 28

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    Never could understand

    why two men would walk abreast. . . .I would think it would just be a whole lot easier and less embarrassing to walk a dog.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    MummifiedCatLady MummifiedCatLady 22-25, F 4 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    The Mile High Club

    On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. . Then...
    Myztikal Myztikal 41-45, F 18 Responses Oct 4, 2013

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    Once I've advertised on Craigslist: "Wife

    wanted" I've got 23450 messages from men saying: "You can have mine".
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 13 Responses Jun 23

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    When I'm really bored .

    . .I put a blank CD in and play it and turn the volume up to10. . . .it ****** the mime next door off
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    A married couple were arguing over a financial

    problem and the husband turns to his wife and says " You know after all these years I can't still don't understand how they could make you so beautiful and yet so dumb"! So the wife patiently responds " It really isn't that hard to figure out you see, they made me beautiful so...
    Taumilynn Taumilynn 36-40 4 Responses Apr 21

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    My 5 year old son has Charlie Brown pajamas,

    and he was wearing them this morning so I said, "Good morning, Charlie Brown!" His response was (with his R's making the /w/ and sometimes /h/ sound), "I am NOT Chahlie Bwown! I have tattoos and loads of haiw! Manliuh! Manliuh! Manliuh!!" That would be hair and manlier. He...
    notyourgirlfriday notyourgirlfriday 31-35, F 8 Responses Apr 6, 2014

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    What happens to a frog's car

    when it breaks down?It gets toad away.
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 7 Responses Sep 8, 2014

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    Cheating Wife

    A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man then said "When I was at the...
    trilo2 trilo2 18-21, M 11 Responses Oct 31, 2011

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    A successful man is one

    who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    BeautifulSurprise BeautifulSurprise 36-40, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    My dear friend of 43 years passed away suddenly

    on Election day in November. She was my friend and sister (not biological) and knew everything about me..was there to witness everything. No one knew so much about my life or dysfunctional family.It's the kind of relationship that only comes once in a lifetime. During the last...
    Oddandsingular Oddandsingular 56-60, F 10 Responses Feb 24

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    Woke up with my credit card lying on my

    keyboard. I can't wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 10 Responses Apr 9

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    When I was younger . .

    . . .I used to leave the gas cap hangin off when I went out on a date . . . .that way she would think I was pretty popular when people waved at me . . ..
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The Atheist And The Little Girl

    An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the totalstranger...
    Aiyana77 Aiyana77 36-40, T 9 Responses Jul 16, 2013

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    Friendship between women: - OMG.

    I am so fat. - Silly, you are not fat, you are perfect. Friendship between men: - I am fat. - Yes dude. And ugly too. :-))
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 9 Responses Jun 19

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    In 1964 Jack Weinberger,

    a free speech activist, said "Dont Trust anyone over 30". . . .I wonder if he trusts anyone over 80 now . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Dear algebra, Stop asking me to find your X.

    She's not coming back. I don't know Y either.
    placeborealis placeborealis 41-45, M 7 Responses Jun 24

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    I just want to grab a fish out of my fish tank

    and slap a few people in the face with the fishes ***. 🐠🐠🐠🐠🐠
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 6 Responses May 14

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    If Superman owned sheep,

    would they have steel wool?
    mmorgan0678 mmorgan0678 41-45, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I love people who make me laugh.

    I honestly think it's the thing I like the most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Apr 28

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    A man approached a very beautiful woman in a

    large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
    Sinjintiger Sinjintiger 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 10

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    KataraC KataraC 18-21, F 7 Responses Apr 21

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    A study has revealed

    that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be...
    expressomarkie expressomarkie 46-50, M 16 Responses Feb 3

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    The teacher asked Jimmy,

    "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
    seniordingdong seniordingdong 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    A woman's mind is cleaner

    than a man's: She changes it more often.
    BeautifulSurprise BeautifulSurprise 36-40, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Tried dark roast coffee.

    No cream No sugar. Result. Thats for people who love shaking their heads and grunting. Lmao.
    Converted Converted 46-50, M 3 days ago

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    Two silkworms had a race.

    . . . . . They ended up in a tie.
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response 3 days ago

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    My neighbor's a moron .

    . .he volunteers as a cross walk guard a couple days a week , now he tells people he is in human trafficking. . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 7 Responses May 12

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    my 5 yo niece told me this one today.

    "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it". I'm still smiling.
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Feb 16

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    Look! It's a bird. It's a plane.

    No, wait... Is that a...? Hahahahahaha... Yep! ☺️😂
    TravelDreamer TravelDreamer 31-35, F 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Something to think about

    while on hold . . . . .Just imagine how good prescription Extra Sharp white cheddar cheese would be.. . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 5 days ago

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    I once had girlfriend say I made her feel

    invisible.. . . . Which I found funny because . . . . . I didn’t even know I had a girlfriend. . . . . .
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    I know it doesnt sound like much yet

    but hear me out , now on 4 in C. . . ." Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BATMAN!!!!" Sooooo ? What do you think ?
    woodyinya woodyinya 56-60, M 5 days ago

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    Of course women don't work

    as hard as men...they get it right the first time.
    BeautifulSurprise BeautifulSurprise 36-40, F 2 Responses 23 hrs ago

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