I Love a Good Sense of Humour

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 4,450 People

    Politics---Explained

    Recently I came across these definitions. They are very funny. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of...
    justasiam justasiam
    61-65, F
    2 Responses Dec 6, 2007

    Why God Created Eve 10.

    God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 25, 2014

    A cabbie picks up a Nun.

    She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as...
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    6 Responses Oct 7, 2015

    I actually find a good sense of humor to be one

    of the more attractive things about a woman. Well...that and boobs.
    luketepid luketepid
    56-60, M
    1 Response Feb 23

    Philadelphia Girl

    Found this diddy buried in an email from 2006: Body: Three men were sitting together, bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house...
    AaaaaaRGH AaaaaaRGH
    36-40, M
    Feb 5, 2012

    Business One-liners Hugh Downs' Four Rules

    for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 - When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 - When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 - Be...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 30, 2014

    So, I'm in a bar and two very large women with

    accents are sitting across from me. I say, "Cool accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?" One of them yells out " its Wales you idiot." So I said, " Ok, are you 2 Whales from Scotland?" I don't remember much after that.
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    3 Responses Oct 7, 2015

    I like to believe i have mastered the forms of

    wit, sarcasm, humour, and smartassery. I hate taking life to seriously....And i can't think of anything funny to end it in. Damn.
    WolfConstellation WolfConstellation
    18-21, F
    Mar 12

    My bf makes me laugh every single day.

    Doesn't really do anything specific, but makes random silly jokes that I find absolutely hilarious. I love it when someone makes me laugh or smile. The other day I sent him a text saying Je T'aime and Te Quiero. I was attempting to be romantic in other languages. I received a...
    rana3434 rana3434
    41-45, F
    Jan 20

    Everyone knows that making fun of yourself can

    be funny sometimes but my friends have been doing it to me for two years and I want them to stop lol
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 23, 2015

    The beat laughs I get,

    are from ppl who are being completely serious and didn't realize how funny they were.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 16
    greeneyedkitten greeneyedkitten
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Nov 4, 2013

    Dad cooks a deer and doesn't tell the kids what

    it is. He gives one clue. "It's what your mother calls me." Son yells, " Its a fcking ****, don't eat it..!!! "
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    3 Responses Oct 10, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses May 2, 2015

    I took my dad to the mall

    once to get him new shoes. (He's 66) We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him..... she had spiked hair in all different colours, red, blue, green and orange. Every time the teenager looked, dad would be staring at her...
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    9 Responses Nov 10, 2015

    A man and a woman were getting it on in the

    woods. After 15 minutes the man asks for a flashlight. The woman says I need one to because for the last ten minutes you've been eating grass
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Nov 26, 2015

    Next time you lose your keys,

    take a picture of the room, post on social media and call it a hidden objects game
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    Dec 26, 2015

    "YES I HAVE A HEART. .

    .. Normally, I just keep it in the fridge"
    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew
    18-21
    7 Responses Feb 13, 2015

    These people are hands down the BEST!

    !! They can laugh about pretty much anything & not get offended!! I've heard that feminists find misogyny in pretty much EVERYTHING & like to whine about it! I've also heard that sense of humor & feminism DON'T mix! I LOVE telling sweet jokes with those whose personalities...
    derricksautism derricksautism
    18-21, M
    1 Response Jan 21

    A Girl's First Time

    As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the...
    IamJody IamJody
    22-25, F
    17 Responses Jan 17, 2013

    Well it's been awhile

    now since my wife's given me the keys to the kitchen but I did get a call from the CIA. They want me to be the head chef for Isis lol
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 11, 2015

    A kid sits on the top of a cliff crying his

    eyes out. A man approaches him and trying to comfort the boy he asks, "What is wrong? What happened?" The kid rubs his eyes and replies, "Nobody likes me. I have no friends. My parents ignore me. I get bad grades in school. My teachers hate me. I don't want to live anymore. Life...
    Tromal Tromal
    18-21, F
    1 Response Feb 15, 2014

    I find girls with a sense of humour sooo

    attractive :* you could look like Shrek and still melt my heart :'D lol
    krimzzen krimzzen
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Nov 9, 2015

    When I was 17 during the summer I helped build

    a run way cable for the f 16 jets at fort smith Arkansas. My boss wanted to show me Texas while I was there. So we're at this bar and my boss gets loaded and of course I can't drink. So I end up talking to this 5' 7" Texan who's telling me how everything in Texas is bigger then...
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Dec 7, 2015

    Someone who can evoke laughter in others is

    truly talented. I tend to lean towards dark comedy because it makes me think, then laugh.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Dec 28, 2015

    Life is really dull without good sense of

    humour,good or bad or naughty any type of joke brings smiles and smiling face is really a beauty in its own way ! Keep smiling always cz it costs nothing :)
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Nov 12, 2015

    My wife gave me the keys to the kitchen the

    other day to cook diner for my three grandsons. The look of horror on their cute little faces was amazing. Before I even got started they packed their bags and left. Now where can a 1, 2 and 4 year old go anyway lol
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Dec 5, 2015

    I finally get the keys back to our kitchen to

    cook diner for my three grandsons. Theirs the three of them sitting at the table with gas masks on. What's up with that
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 20

    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    3 Responses Nov 5, 2015

    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    1 Response Nov 5, 2015

    Well I finally get the keys to the kitchen back

    from my wife. This time she wants me to make a sandwich for our grandson William while she does some Christmas shopping. So I make this delicious sandwich for my grandson. Once it stops moving around I bring it to the table for William but he's gone. A few minutes later I find...
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 15, 2015

    A burglar breaks into a house.

    He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you. " thinking that it was his imagination, he continued to search. Again he hears: " Jesus is watching you. " he turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one that was talking. The...
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 26

    Ed Zachary A woman was very distraught at the

    fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2014

    Just Thought This Was Funny

    Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag xD lol...
    IamJody IamJody
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Jan 10, 2013

    A dog walks into a bar

    and hops on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, hey guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink? The bartender thinks for a moment and says, sure the toilets right around the corner.
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Jan 4

    When people see you lying down with your eyes

    closed and they have to ask, " Are you sleeping?" "No I'm training to die. "
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    Oct 10, 2015

    Did they ever find out

    who really let the dogs out?
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    Jan 5

    Does anyone want my recipe

    for melted spaghetti and meat rocks, anyone, there must be something wrong with my phone, I'm not getting any answers
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 1, 2015

    A nun is standing outside a pub

    and a man comes round the corner, planning to grab an after-work bevy. The nun immediately points at him, and intones: "Before you enter this den of sin and debauchery, think of your mother and father!" The man wipes away a tear, and says "They're dead, God bless 'em. They're...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Jan 23, 2015

    An older man, not in the best physical

    condition, asked the trainer in the gym, " I want to impress a beautiful young girl. Which machine should I use?" The trainer replied, " Use the ATM machine outside! "
    SweetSynergy SweetSynergy
    51-55, F
    2 Responses Oct 24, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 21

    My teen age daughter comes home in a rage.

    I've just got done with sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I had sex before my 16th birthday my boyfriend would die! I put down my news paper and said: oh, he will sweetheart, he will
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jan 13

    Now for the best part of the week

    for me, grocery shopping with my wife. What cracks me up about her is when are cart is almost full she then pulls out her grocery list
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 13, 2015

    Jeez, the sandwich wasn't

    that bad. Now my wife has a danger sign posted and the kitchen taped off
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Dec 15, 2015

    I have sixth sense - a sense of humour.

    And no, I don't see dead people.
    HappieStinger HappieStinger
    41-45, M
    May 20, 2014

    I love when in silly

    or random conversation , people comes up with good sense of humour, even sarcastic ones have real tendency to make us go nuts
    WhiiteStar WhiiteStar
    22-25, M
    7 Responses Nov 16, 2015

    There lived in a small town of Quebec two

    brothers named Jones. One was married and the other the proud owner of a rather dilapidated row boat; strangely enough the day John's wife died, his brother's boat filled with water and sank in the lake. A few days later a kindly old lady approached Joe on the street and...
    AverageSized AverageSized
    51-55, M
    Jul 22, 2014

    Done It Again

    I have/had a dear friend that I have a great deal of love and respect for, had a lot of a fall out just after new year, mainly my fault. only just started to text each other agian, well l say text each other we used to text anything up to 40 times a day. She used to ring me every...
    BILL1751 BILL1751
    51-55, M
    4 Responses Feb 8, 2012

    Step on dog **** today.

    ... Reminded me of you
    Jordangoobers Jordangoobers
    13-15, M
    Mar 5

    Infantry,m: A small,

    immature tree.
    BigNJ76 BigNJ76
    36-40, M
    Jan 6

    I can always tell when I make my wife laugh to

    hard, there's always a puddle that forms by her feet lol
    fattenedforthanksgivingdiner fattenedforthanksgivingdiner
    61-65, M
    Nov 23, 2015
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