I Love a Married Man Forum & Chat Board | I have been on the receiving e...

I have been on the receiving end of unfaithfulness.  I would never issue that kind of pain on someone else.  Don't take the oath if you are not going to stick to it.  Marriage is sacred, but only if you truly mean it.

 

I am thinking of the term "homewrecker".  I don't comsider myself as such because the man I love is in a loveless marriage.  His home was wrecked before he even met me. He has been married for 25 years and his children are grown.

Often the wife is considered the victim.  He has been ignored and neglected emotionally, spiritually, and physically for years and she is the victim?

When I met my guy, falling in love was the last thing on our minds.  We both he and I) are church going people (she refuses to go with him, we go separatly of course), he is decent, hardworking and a really wonderful person.  Ours started as an emotional affair when we met 2 years ago.  We became very close friends. We still are not sexually involved.  He often feels guilty because of all the religious stuff that gets into people's head.  We talk about God, how to be a better person, etc. We encourage each other.  We are not devils but kind, warm, individuals who just happened to fall in love.

I no longer feel it is wrong to love him.  It has happened for a reason.  I see it as a gift. It is so wonderful to see him happy, truly happy after so many years of feeling depressed because a system tells him he took "vows" and can't ever break them.  I do believe in commitment but sometimes we save our sanity by getting out and finding love with someone.  Real love.  His wife says she "has him" and does not need a fix.

I do believe that I would not allow myself to get sexual with him until he is divorced.  I believe a separated man is a married man and more often than not he does end up back with the wife.  If we are in a relationship and it sours and we want to explore something with some one else, we get out.  We free ourself so we can explore a new relationship.  This is what he and I are trying to do. How is this cheating?

 

I am now a woman full of resentment and anger- Just one of the phases that you experience with grief and loss. I’m not bipolar, never have been, never will be! What I am is a woman who loved another man so much that she was willing to be  the ‘other woman’ in his life. I am very confident, attractive, profesional and after 11 months of being the other woman, it come to a choice; the love and self respect i have for myself or my love or him. As painful as it is, as heart wrenching that I feel, I know deep down in my soul that I made the right choice- I love myself and deserve so much more......
 
JOB DEscriptION FOR ‘THE OTHER WOMAN’:
 

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   They need to love the person more than they love themselves,  because that person can never be there for them when it counts.

 

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   They need to compromise their own values and ethics (that’s if they have any), as they know , that not only are they hurting themselves, but hurting other people as well(like the wife who may have no knowledge of the relationship).

 

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   They need to know that even if they think they are special ( and everyone is special in their own way) that they can get caught up in love, and the idealisation of love, where they end up feeling not special at all.

 

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   They need to accept that no matter what he tells you, his wife and family will always take precedent. They will be going on family outings, holidaying together, making love and he will be lying to all of them pretending  that he is faithful and a tremendous partner and father. 

 

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   The key to all of this is that he will pretend he loves you and has never felt this way before; a common cliché for men who are having affairs. He will rationalise it in his own head and think that one day he will leave his wife so you can be together for ever. However, he can’t put a time on this as he is scared about the consequences it may have on his wife and on his children. This is just one of the many excuses he will use to try and keep you in the picture to try and ensnare you once again to being ‘the other woman’. Most of us hang in there, because we are too scared of being alone and if we really think about it ,any small morsel is better than nothing.

 

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   You need to put them first and try to get together when it suits them. You need to put aspects of your life on hold to be available to sustain what you may call a relationship. I prefer to use the term ‘interlude’.

 

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   You need to not mind being with a selfish man, because even though they may generally be a good person,  there is no doubt that their primary motivation is all about THEMSELVES.

 

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   They may write or say loving things like for eg; “The love we share is so strong and passionate it is truly breathtaking and more intense than anything I have ever experienced or ever thought possible between two people. I understand where your thinking is at. You deserve to have a man unencumbered and I too wish that was my current position. You are a truly beautiful person inside and out and your morals make me love you even more. I ache all over for you but know deep down this is the path we must take. On the bright side I know there will come a time in the not too distant future when we will be together and life happily ever after. That day cannot come soon enough. I LOVE YOU. Ps- Now I’m crying.   The is a classic example of a person who is a total and complete manipulator. Firstly, he makes reference to how unique and special the relationship is, then he pretends to understand where your thinking is at                                                                                                

 
 

 

I have been on both sides of this as well. I believe cheating happens for a reason. both sides have a reason why they are seeking out someone else weather it be an alterior motive, sex, or whatever there is a reason. My love for someone married was not intentional and I have spent months learning why I let myself go there. I know why i love this person. I have even told my spouse why it occured yet my marriage suffers as my spouse cannot provide to me what i need even after talking to them about it. This other person gives me what I am missing. Our relationship is not sexual but emotional. What we give each other is what we both are missing from our marriages. we make each other happy which in turn has made our marraiges easier to be in. we both have younger kids to raise so we have no intentions of divorcing to be together but we both feel our love for each other is something we cannot let go of as we make each other very happy. is it wrong? yeah it is. but i prefer to be semi happy and have something to look forward to in life then to be miserable and unhappy with no hope of happiness any time soon. 

 

This post terrifies me. I'm 5/6 months in, and it seems all too familiar. I don't want to believe he is that way. It's even a struggle to type this now. I don't want to believe I'm naive.

 

Wow, I am sorry but your entire post just comes off as bitter and angry, it's not helpful in anyway. You make generalizations and condescending comments like every relationship is like yours.