I Love Blonde Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 414 People

    A science teacher tells his class,

    "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    5 Responses May 27, 2015

    Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

    A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! [lol, no offence Blondes]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015
    dumblonde19 dumblonde19
    18-21, F
    12 Responses Jun 15, 2015

    Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies

    room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. [follow for more. No offense to Blondes ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 26, 2015

    Two blondes fall in a hole,

    and one of them says," it's dark in here isn't it?" and the other one says,"I don't know, i can't see."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 8, 2014

    Q: What did the blonde say

    when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!" s
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 13, 2014

    The Puzzle

    so there was this blonde who decided she was going to put together a jigsaw puzzle. so she put all the pieces on the table and stared at them after over a hour she got flustrated and called her boyfriend for help so he asks "what is the picture on the box?" and...
    luckyliz luckyliz
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 23, 2009

    Q: Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells

    than horses? A: So they don't **** in the parade. [follow for more.]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Jun 26, 2015

    A dumb blonde was really tired of being made

    fun of, so she decided to have her hair done so she would look like a brunette. Now as a brunette, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got...
    hancockian hancockian
    66-70, M
    Jan 12

    A blond, brunette, and a redhead go hunting.

    The brunette goes into the woods and comes back out with a deer. They ask,"How did you get that deer?" She responded,"I saw the tracks. Followed the tracks. Saw the deer. Shot the deer," The redhead went into the woods and came out with a moose. They asked,"How did you get...
    Mokuba Mokuba
    13-15, F
    1 Response Jul 1, 2014

    Blonde With Top Down

    There were two blondes the just came out of the mall. As they walked through the parking lot, they remembered that they had left the keys in the car. Realizing that they were locked out, the blondes got a hanger and tried to open the door. Hard at work, the first blonde stopped...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 12, 2013

    Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle

    and a blonde have in common? A: They both swallowed a lot of se(a)men. [no offense blondes,]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    Blondie...........

      Painting the Porch A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    8 Responses Feb 16, 2012

    Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering

    while? A: An airbag. [no offense to Blonde darlings ;) . follow for more ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 25, 2015

    Blonde and boyfriend go to a movie complex.

    Blonde: Can I have two tickets please? Clerk at movies: For Romeo and Juliet? Blonde: No,for my boyfriend and me.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jul 13, 2015

    There was two dumb blonds

    that was walking down the street and they find a mirror and one of them picks it up and looks in it and says that face looks familiar. then the other blond takes it from her and says duh its me.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 12, 2015

    BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?

    " WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM." BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 7, 2015

    Q: Why blonde jokes are one liners ?

    A: So than people can remember them. [follow for more. No offense to dear blondes ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 25, 2015

    Q. how does a blonde eat a banana?

    A. Blondes don't 'eat' a banana, they swallow. (No offense dear blondes).
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Nov 11, 2015

    A blonde, a brunette,

    and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Oct 19, 2014

    A police officer stops a blonde

    for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 1, 2015

    He'S So Dumb He Jumped Twice

    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure...
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    1 Response May 16, 2013

    Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange

    juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Jun 25, 2015

    Ouch! A young blonde woman went to her

    doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Sep 29, 2014

    Blonde Horse Sense

    A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    4 Responses Nov 7, 2013
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 13, 2014

    Twenty Five Cents

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Nov 9, 2013

    A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge

    of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 5, 2015

    Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her

    trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. [epic. No offense Blonde]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    Q: Did you hear about the blonde

    who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Jun 27, 2015

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe

    and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    Jun 22, 2015

    Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

    A: The cow fell on her. [no offense blondes :* ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    A blonde is out with her redhead friend.

    They walk past a building which suddenly burst into flames. Panicking, the blonde turns to her friend and shouts "quick! What's the number for 911!?"
    Harryp0tter Harryp0tter
    13-15, F
    1 Response Oct 10, 2015

    Blonde Geography

    Two blondes were sitting on a porch in Oklahoma looking up at the night sky. "Which do you think is closer?" says the one blonde to her friend, "The moon or Florida?" "Duh!," says her buddy, "You can't SEE Florida, now, can you?"
    swifty7 swifty7
    31-35
    2 Responses Mar 7, 2009

    One day, a blonde was watching the news

    and the news anchor said that a serial killer was on the loose. So, she rushed into her kitchen, grabbed all her cereal and brought it down to the basement and said "Don't worry, no one can kill you down here!"
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Jul 13, 2015

    A blond girl was at the store,

    and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 22, 2015

    Once there was a blonde

    that went to work crying. The boss, who was concerned asked, "what's wrong?" She responded, "My mother died!" The boss offered her to take some time off of work. She denied the offer because she thought working would distract her. A few hours later, the boss came into her office...
    saboosa1 saboosa1
    13-15, F
    1 Response Jul 1, 2014

    A policeman pulls over a blonde driving

    erratically. As she gets out of the vehicle the officer says "You are staggering!" "Thank you" she replies "you are quite handsome yourself!"
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Mar 18, 2015

    There was a blonde who found herself sitting

    next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but everytime he could not...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Mar 15, 2014

    Q: What is the blonde doing

    when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 25, 2015

    I was a truck driver years ago.

    I was the only woman around the mines and quarries. Being a Blonde trucker too boot... I got harassed every day from one or more of the 50-60 men I drove the routes with. One day another driver came to me with two sheets of paper with allll these blonde jokes. The point was for...
    MorningBreeze MorningBreeze
    56-60, F
    7 Responses May 29, 2015

    A blonde, a brunette,

    a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 27, 2015

    A blonde woman decides

    that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 9, 2014

    Blonde and Goldfish A blonde had some goldfish

    and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Feb 27, 2014

    Magic Mirror

    There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a...
    misasja misasja
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 7, 2008

    Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?

    " Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!" [no offence to Blondes, follow for more ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 25, 2015

    Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

    A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. [no offense Blondes.]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    1 Response Jun 27, 2015

    Q: How does a blonde named Jessy cheers herself

    after watching a James Bond movie? A: "my name is Blonde, Jessy Blonde, 700 "
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde

    and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted. [follow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 26, 2015

    Speeding Ticket

    A blond woman was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a female cop,also a blond. the cop asked the blond for her license ,so the driver asked,"Whats it look like"? The cop said its a little rectanguler thing with your picture on it.the driver looked in her purse and...
    thezigzagman thezigzagman
    51-55, M
    3 Responses Feb 5, 2012

    Q: How do you keep a blonde in the shower all

    day? A: Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat." [folfow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    A blonde goes into a dry cleaners to clean her

    new blouse. She walks up to the counter and hands the cashier her top. When she turns around to leave they say "Come again!" With a smile and she turns around and explains, "No, it was ketchup this time."
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jul 12, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jul 13, 2015

    Q: Whats the difference between a blonde

    and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. [no offence blondes, follow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

    Make It Off The Island There were three

    people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

    Q: What can save a dying blonde?

    A: Hair transplants.. [follow for more. ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 26, 2015

    Q: What did the blonde do

    when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. [no offense blondes, I love you ;)]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Jun 27, 2015

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