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I Love Blonde Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 346 People

    Parking Fine “I got a compliment on my

    driving today,” said a blonde to her friend, there was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Once there was a blonde

    that went to work crying. The boss, who was concerned asked, "what's wrong?" She responded, "My mother died!" The boss offered her to take some time off of work. She denied the offer because she thought working would distract her. A few hours later, the boss came into her office...
    saboosa1 saboosa1 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 1, 2014

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    A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop

    and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 13, 2014

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    A blonde was recently hired at an office.

    Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop. She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 20, 2014

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    Real story Two blondes talk: - Listen,

    your hair look like a wig. - But it is a wig. - So cool, and it looks like real hair.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26, 2014

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    Ouch! A young blonde woman went to her

    doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 29, 2014

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    Head and Shoulders A blonde

    and a brunette are both in an elevator. On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit, handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th floor. Once the doors close, the brunette...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 24, 2014

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    A blonde came home from her first day commuting

    to the city. Her mother noticed she was pale and asked,"Honey, are you feeling alright?" "Not really", she replied,"I'm nauseous from sitting backwards on the train." "Poor thing" her mother cooed,"but why wouldn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats?" "I...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25, 2014

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    Two blondes sail with the boat.

    Suddenly, the hole appeared in the boat. The first blonde starts to panic, and another says: - Do not worry, I'll make a second hole through which the water will run out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 29, 2014

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    Driving in a car A blonde

    and a brunette are driving in a car. Unexpectedly the car stops. The blonde asks: "What has happened?" "We ran out of petrol," answered the brunette. The blonde replies with a relief: "Wow, you know so much about cars. If it was me, who was driving, I wouldn’t have had...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26, 2014

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    Two blondes, Carol and Patty,

    were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the Compact. Patty looked in the mirror and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    I knew a blonde that was

    so stupid that she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 8, 2014

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    The Puzzle

    so there was this blonde who decided she was going to put together a jigsaw puzzle. so she put all the pieces on the table and stared at them after over a hour she got flustrated and called her boyfriend for help so he asks "what is the picture on the box?" and...
    luckyliz luckyliz 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 23, 2009

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    He'S So Dumb He Jumped Twice

    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure...
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl 16-17, F 1 Response May 16, 2013

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    Cheating Two blondes talk.

    One of them says: "You know, I have cheated a taxi driver yesterday!!" The other blonde asks: "How did you do this?" The blonde replies: "I paid, but I didn't sit in the taxi."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 26, 2014

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    Q: What did the blonde say

    when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!" s
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    There was a blonde who found herself sitting

    next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but everytime he could not...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 15, 2014

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    Q: Why did the Blonde cross the road?

    A: she saw something shiny on the other side.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 7

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    There are three girls at a bar,

    a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 29, 2014

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    "IDK"

    Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 9, 2013

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    “Can you please fax over your resume?

    ” asked the interviewer. “I’m sorry” responded the blonde, “it’s my only copy!”
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    A blonde, a brunette,

    and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Oct 19, 2014

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    Blonde Horse Sense

    A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again. She asks the farmer...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 7, 2013

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 9, 2014

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    A blonde from San Francisco

    who loves Chinese food decided to take a trip to Asia. Her friends suggested she go to Hong Kong to sample the famous Dim Sum restaurants. Two weeks later she returns, extremely disappointed. "Well?", asked her friend. "How was the food?" "Hong Kong is an exciting place...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 23, 2014

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    A blonde is watching the news with her husband

    when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 22, 2014

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    Make It Off The Island There were three

    people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    Blonde Geography

    Two blondes were sitting on a porch in Oklahoma looking up at the night sky. "Which do you think is closer?" says the one blonde to her friend, "The moon or Florida?" "Duh!," says her buddy, "You can't SEE Florida, now, can you?"
    swifty7 swifty7 31-35 2 Responses Mar 7, 2009

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    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

    When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature". Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it? She thought for some time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Jun 4, 2014

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    A blonde goes into a dry cleaners to clean her

    new blouse. She walks up to the counter and hands the cashier her top. When she turns around to leave they say "Come again!" With a smile and she turns around and explains, "No, it was ketchup this time."
    vividdreamer97 vividdreamer97 16-17, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2014

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    Did you hear about the blonde

    that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 29, 2014

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    Blonde and Goldfish A blonde had some goldfish

    and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 27, 2014

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    Heres a Few Short Silly Ones

    BLONDE LOGIC Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????" CAR...
    luckyliz luckyliz 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 15, 2009

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    Librarian – “Yes,

    how can I help you? Blonde – “Hi, I need help with my bibliography, how can I find out Ibid’s first name?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    Alligator shoes a personal fav

    A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.     After becoming very...
    luckyliz luckyliz 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 15, 2009

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    Magic Mirror

    There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a...
    misasja misasja 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 7, 2008

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    Two blondes fall in a hole,

    and one of them says," it's dark in here isn't it?" and the other one says,"I don't know, i can't see."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 8, 2014

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    Q: What is a cool refreshing drink

    for a blonde? A: Perri-air.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 1, 2014

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    Blondie...........

      Painting the Porch A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well...
    sparklingdiamonds sparklingdiamonds 31-35, F 9 Responses Feb 16, 2012

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    A blonde woman decides

    that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 4, 2014

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    A blond, brunette, and a redhead go hunting.

    The brunette goes into the woods and comes back out with a deer. They ask,"How did you get that deer?" She responded,"I saw the tracks. Followed the tracks. Saw the deer. Shot the deer," The redhead went into the woods and came out with a moose. They asked,"How did you get...
    Mokuba Mokuba 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 1, 2014

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    I Won A blonde walked in a diner

    and orders a cup of coffee. When she gets her drink, she notices that it has a "contest game piece" on the side of the cup. She peels off the sticker and instantly starts screaming, "I won a motor home!" She continues shoulting, "I won a motor home!" until the waitress...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 23, 2014

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    Blonde With Top Down

    There were two blondes the just came out of the mall. As they walked through the parking lot, they remembered that they had left the keys in the car. Realizing that they were locked out, the blondes got a hanger and tried to open the door. Hard at work, the first blonde stopped...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    Twenty Five Cents

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 9, 2013

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    Speeding Ticket

    A blond woman was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a female cop,also a blond. the cop asked the blond for her license ,so the driver asked,"Whats it look like"? The cop said its a little rectanguler thing with your picture on it.the driver looked in her purse and...
    thezigzagman thezigzagman 51-55, M 3 Responses Feb 5, 2012

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    What Do You Call A Smart Blonde

    What do you call asmart blonde? A Golden Retriever
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 3, 2013

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    The Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' The blonde counts...
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    I want to buy a golf ball A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 14

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    A: What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave!
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