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I Love Blonde Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 414 People

    Blonde With Top Down

    There were two blondes the just came out of the mall. As they walked through the parking lot, they remembered that they had left the keys in the car. Realizing that they were locked out, the blondes got a hanger and tried to open the door. Hard at work, the first blonde stopped...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 12, 2013

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    He'S So Dumb He Jumped Twice

    A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure...
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl 16-17, F 1 Response May 16, 2013

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    A blond girl was at the store,

    and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 22

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    A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood

    looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" She replied, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Jun 14

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    dumblonde19 dumblonde19 18-21, F 7 Responses Jun 15

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    Q: What can save a dying blonde?

    A: Hair transplants.. [follow for more. ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 26

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    Q: Did you hear about the blonde

    who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 26

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    A police officer stops a blonde

    for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 1

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    Q: Whats the difference between a blonde

    and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. [no offence blondes, follow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    One day, a blonde was watching the news

    and the news anchor said that a serial killer was on the loose. So, she rushed into her kitchen, grabbed all her cereal and brought it down to the basement and said "Don't worry, no one can kill you down here!"
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response Jul 13

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    Make It Off The Island There were three

    people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    Blonde and Goldfish A blonde had some goldfish

    and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how. Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, ''Now, what do I give them to drink?''
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 27, 2014

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    Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

    A: The cow fell on her. [no offense blondes :* ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    Blondie...........

      Painting the Porch A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well...
    sparklingdiamonds sparklingdiamonds 31-35, F 9 Responses Feb 16, 2012

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    Q: Why blonde jokes are one liners ?

    A: So than people can remember them. [follow for more. No offense to dear blondes ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 25

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    Two blondes fall in a hole,

    and one of them says," it's dark in here isn't it?" and the other one says,"I don't know, i can't see."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 8, 2014

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    Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?

    " Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!" [no offence to Blondes, follow for more ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 25

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    Q: What did the blonde do

    when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. [no offense blondes, I love you ;)]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    A blonde goes into a dry cleaners to clean her

    new blouse. She walks up to the counter and hands the cashier her top. When she turns around to leave they say "Come again!" With a smile and she turns around and explains, "No, it was ketchup this time."
    vividdreamer97 vividdreamer97 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 12, 2014

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    What Do You Call A Smart Blonde

    What do you call asmart blonde? A Golden Retriever
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 3, 2013

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    A blond, brunette, and a redhead go hunting.

    The brunette goes into the woods and comes back out with a deer. They ask,"How did you get that deer?" She responded,"I saw the tracks. Followed the tracks. Saw the deer. Shot the deer," The redhead went into the woods and came out with a moose. They asked,"How did you get...
    Mokuba Mokuba 13-15, F 1 Response Jul 1, 2014

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    Magic Mirror

    There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror. If you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. The next day a...
    misasja misasja 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 7, 2008

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    A blonde woman decides

    that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9, 2014

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    Q: Did you hear about the blonde

    who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 27

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    Q: Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells

    than horses? A: So they don't **** in the parade. [follow for more.]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde

    and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted. [follow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 26

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    Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her

    trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. [epic. No offense Blonde]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    Blonde and boyfriend go to a movie complex.

    Blonde: Can I have two tickets please? Clerk at movies: For Romeo and Juliet? Blonde: No,for my boyfriend and me.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response Jul 13

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    A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge

    of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Feb 5

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    Q: What is the blonde doing

    when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 25

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    Ouch! A young blonde woman went to her

    doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 29, 2014

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    Twenty Five Cents

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Nov 9, 2013

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    A science teacher tells his class,

    "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 7 Responses May 27

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    A blonde is watching the news with her husband

    when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 22, 2014

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    Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

    A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! [lol, no offence Blondes]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    Q: What did the blonde say

    when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? A: "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong!" s
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 13, 2014

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    Q: How does a blonde named Jessy cheers herself

    after watching a James Bond movie? A: "my name is Blonde, Jessy Blonde, 700 "
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

    A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. [no offense Blondes.]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 27

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    Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering

    while? A: An airbag. [no offense to Blonde darlings ;) . follow for more ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 25

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    Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies

    room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. [follow for more. No offense to Blondes ;) ]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 26

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    Q: How do you keep a blonde in the shower all

    day? A: Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat." [folfow for more]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M Jun 27

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    A policeman pulls over a blonde driving

    erratically. As she gets out of the vehicle the officer says "You are staggering!" "Thank you" she replies "you are quite handsome yourself!"
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 2 Responses Mar 18

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    A blonde, a brunette,

    a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 27

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    Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange

    juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 25

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    Speeding Ticket

    A blond woman was speeding down the road and got pulled over by a female cop,also a blond. the cop asked the blond for her license ,so the driver asked,"Whats it look like"? The cop said its a little rectanguler thing with your picture on it.the driver looked in her purse and...
    thezigzagman thezigzagman 51-55, M 5 Responses Feb 5, 2012

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