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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 361 People

    Chuck Norris made a volcano

    for a science fair, after he won he threw it into the Pacific and made Hawaii.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 5

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    The leading causes of death in the United

    States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 12

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29, 2014

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    Chuck Norris plays soccer using the moon.

    That explains the craters.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 6, 2014

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    If you have five dollars

    and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
    nutssquared nutssquared 26-30, M Dec 5, 2014

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris plays hide-and-seek,

    he yells, "Ready or not, this will hurt a lot!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 2

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    A rhino once gored Chuck Norris

    and got a concussion.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2014

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 17 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Dec 18, 2014

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    Scientifically speaking,

    it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack.

    His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3, 2014

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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes,

    it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is so tough,

    he has to have a concealed weapons permit to put his hands in his pockets
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 8

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    Joe Kittinger made a parachute jump from the

    edge of space, but Chuck Norris made space jump.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Chuck Norris caught a cold

    and made it sick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 24, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 2, 2014

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    If you don't tag this website,

    your death will be roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 29, 2014

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    Chuck Norris got shot.

    We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23, 2014

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

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    The only reason Godzilla goes back into the

    ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him.......for dinner.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 27, 2014

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    Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep

    but Chuck Norris does.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Dec 8, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris is SCUBA diving

    and surfaces too fast the ocean gets the bends.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew 18-21 4 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't watch the news.

    Information falls at his feet in supplication at 6 and 10.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 14

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    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25, 2014

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    Chuck Norris has nicknames

    for his feet... Hiroshima and Nagaski.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 23, 2014

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    artfulaquarius artfulaquarius 13-15, F 16 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount

    Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 30, 2014

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    MacGyver's contraptions can never be duplicated

    because he had a secret ingredient -- one Chuck Norris hair.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 15, 2014

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    You can't put Chuck Norris on Death Note,

    but you can put Death Note on Chuck Norris.
    Profweird Profweird 18-21, M Jan 15

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    When Chuck Norris forgets his password.

    .. He'll have access anyway!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 11, 2014

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 15

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 17 hrs ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jan 1

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    People say the universe was created by the Big

    Bang...but it was actually just Chuck Norris buying a house from God.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jan 9

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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