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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 316 People

    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 9

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20

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    Chuck Norris wasn't born,

    he was government issued.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 1

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    When Chuck Norris does a push up,

    he doesn't push up. He pushes the world down.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's

    why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 17

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28

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    TheTrollinator TheTrollinator 13-15, M Aug 7

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    When Chuck Norris comes into the room,

    he does not turn on the light - he turns off the darkness.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it

    automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Top 10 Funnies!

    10) If Chuck Norris was in Mortal Combat the fight would be over before it started. 9)Chuck once round house kicked Superman. The poor guy still believes he can actually fly. 8)Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move. 7...
    Monsterbunny17 Monsterbunny17 18-21, F Jul 9, 2012

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22

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    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 27

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    one day Chuck Norris decided to jump,

    and that's how the moon was formed
    GodOfGreekGods GodOfGreekGods 22-25, M Aug 8

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    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack.

    His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris does not wear a condom

    because there is no protection from Chuck Norris. source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/chucknorrisjokes.html
    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M Aug 6

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    Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number,

    YOU answered the wrong phone.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M 1 Response Jun 12

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    Q: What's the difference between REM

    and Chuck Norris? A: One sings "Everybody Hurts", the other just hurts everybody.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 5

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 31

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 21

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    Chuck Norris doesn't believe in the Periodic

    Table because it doesn't contain the element of suprise.
    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M Jun 20

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10

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    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number,

    you answer the wrong phone
    projectgwyn101 projectgwyn101 16-17, M 14 Responses Apr 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 29

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 21

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    Chuck Norris doesn't get 2-day deliveries from

    Amazon, he gets his order the same day
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts

    Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.  The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.  There is no chin under Chuck Norris...
    EPJulio EPJulio 26-30, M 8 Responses Oct 17, 2007

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 5

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 24

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    The Empire never found the droids they were

    looking for. Chuck Norris would have.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jun 16

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Madonna was a quiet unassuming virgin

    before her date with Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 23

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 20

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    Thought this was funny.

    Found it on my computer screen this morning :D if you can't read it, it says, "chuck Norris looked up his name on the internet and it died." And it was because my internet crashed
    cotygal123 cotygal123 13-15, F Jun 18

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20

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    When Chuck Norris gets a physical,

    it takes an entire hospital to take his pulse.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 hr ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 7

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bow to the Queen,

    the Queen bows to Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 6

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    Whiteboards are white

    because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 7

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 19

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