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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 357 People

    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 12

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    Chuck Norris can split an atom

    and put it back together.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 13

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11, 2014

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth,

    he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 16

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 21, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 20

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    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew 18-21 4 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20, 2014

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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes,

    it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Did you hear what Chuck Norris did to the guy

    that threw him into the river? Just kidding... NOBODY throws Chuck Norris!
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number.

    .. YOU answered the WRONG phone!
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    In bowling, there is no thing

    as a spare for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris spares nothing and no one.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    Some Children wear Superman pajamas to bed,

    but Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Chuck Norris caught a cold

    and made it sick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 24, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris thinks,

    the universe expands
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 15

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris' fever broke,

    the global warming crisis was solved.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    Did you hear that Death

    once had a near Chuck Norris experience?
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    Chuck Norris respects the law,

    that's why his fists, elbows, feet, legs, knees and beard are all properly registered with the ATF.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 8

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Chuck Norris was to die 5 years ago,

    but Death hasn't mustered the courage to tell him.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Chuck Norris got shot.

    We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Nov 2, 2014

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    How does Chuck Norris make coffee?

    He grinds the beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    The only mind Edward cannot read is Bella's.

    That is because Bella thinks about Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 17

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    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: 'Cuz Chuck Norris was behind him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 4

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 2, 2014

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    Crop Circles have a meaning: They're signals to

    alien life forms that this is the planet Chuck Norris lives on.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2, 2014

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    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack.

    His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris was a kid,

    he entered a pool bombing competition. This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 18

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    Chuck Norris can go trick

    or treating in July and get a sack full
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 7

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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