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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 370 People

    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Chuck Norris doesn't go running,

    Chuck Norris goes chasing.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 23

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    When the president pushes the big red button

    Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jul 29

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    The moon and sun don't cause high

    or low tides, gravity just follows Chuck Norris everywhere he goes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Chuck Norris wouldn't need equipment

    if he was a RPG character: his roundhouse kick and beard beat any item.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 1

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is so fast

    that he can lock a drawer and leave the key inside.
    nutssquared nutssquared 26-30, M Jul 27

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    When most people clap twice in their home the

    lights go out, when Chuck Norris claps twice the sun goes out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 18

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    Chuck Norris travels at lightspeed daily,

    he calls it normal speed, to him we move slow.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 27

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    Chuck Norris is not allowed in hell

    because the devil is scared of him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 8

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 15 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Chuck Norris found some old glow sticks in his

    basement. He gave them away and they are now known as lightsabers.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    When someone fires a gun at Chuck Norris,

    the gun won't fire. not even a gun would try to attack Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 6

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    CNN has the best coverage

    because it was invented by Chuck Norris. It stands for the Chuck Norris Network.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 28

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11, 2014

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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes,

    it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Popcorn was invented

    when Chuck Norris stared at corn kernels.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 4

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    Chuck Norris doesn't look

    for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 14

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.

    Chuck Norris bites frost.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 9

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    When challenged by Paul Bunyan to a logging

    contest, Chuck Norris showed his sportsmanship by leaving Paul a sapling in the now-deforested field.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 12

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

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    Chuck Norris does not do push ups,

    he pushes the Earth down. Chuck Norris shoves coal up his butt, and sneezes out diamonds. One of my instructors has actually changed my name in his class to Chuck, in his honor.
    RedHeadedNinja RedHeadedNinja 13-15, F Jul 28

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is so fast,

    he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 20

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 7

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    Chuck Norris once went to court

    for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 6

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 2, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris plays yhatzee no matter how

    the dice land he always gets a yhatzee........ALWAYS
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 31

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 21, 2014

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    Death Valley wasn't named that

    because of its heat, it was named Death Valley because Chuck Norris has a summer home there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 11

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    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew 18-21 4 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    Chuck Doesn't Need To Switch On The Treadmill

    To Run On It.......When He Runs On It, The Treadmill Itself Starts Moving!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 26

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