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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 231 People

    "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie.

    It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 31

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    Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across

    a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 11

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 16-17, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    rocketman84 rocketman84 26-30, M 1 Response Apr 8

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    Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes.

    Chuck Norris steps on necks.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 14

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    Time waits for no man.

    Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's

    why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men

    super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 27

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 25

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    God didn't make all men equal,

    but Samuel Colt did... then God made Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his den.

    The bear isn't dead- just afraid to move.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 8

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    Some Silly Chuck Norris Jokes

    Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses May 20, 2013

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Yes

    Apparently... Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Nov 14, 2010

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    Top 10 Funnies!

    10) If Chuck Norris was in Mortal Combat the fight would be over before it started. 9)Chuck once round house kicked Superman. The poor guy still believes he can actually fly. 8)Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move. 7...
    Monsterbunny17 Monsterbunny17 18-21, F Jul 9, 2012

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10

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    Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck

    Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 26

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    When Chuck Norris does a push up,

    he doesn't push up. He pushes the world down.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 10

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room,

    the bears not dead it's just afraid to move.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts

    Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.  The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.  There is no chin under Chuck Norris...
    EPJulio EPJulio 26-30, M 8 Responses Oct 17, 2007

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    The grass is always greener on the other side,

    unless Chuck Norris has been there; then the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 9

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 14

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's

    why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 1

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    Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from

    his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 2

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    Chuck Norris once roundhoused a horse in the

    chin and from then on, its decendents were known as giraffes!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 1

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    rocketman84 rocketman84 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    rocketman84 rocketman84 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    Some people get lucky

    and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 28

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why the chicken crossed the road.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 7

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    Kids go to sleep with a teddy bear.

    Chuck Norris goes to sleep with an actual bear.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 12

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    The leading causes of death in the United

    States are: 1. Heart disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 3

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    In a fight between Batman

    and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on

    the same planet with Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 14

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Related Experiences

    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Chuck Norris went looking

    for a rabbit in a forest. He came out with a bear and the bear was saying "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 26

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    Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture

    of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes,

    he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors,

    scissors beat paper, but Chuck Norris beats all three at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 30

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    A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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