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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 387 People

    The universe expands

    because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 29, 2015

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response May 11, 2014

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    Popcorn was invented

    when Chuck Norris stared at corn kernels.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 4, 2015

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    Chuck Norris once went to court

    for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Mar 6, 2015

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    ArrowPewPew ArrowPewPew 18-21 4 Responses Nov 7, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Apr 20, 2015

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    Cars were invented to have a faster way of

    fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Sep 25, 2015

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    When most people clap twice in their home the

    lights go out, when Chuck Norris claps twice the sun goes out.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 2, 2015

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 2, 2014

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    "And then Chuck Norris went into the junkyard

    and by his own hand pleasured himself." -excerpt from The Optimus Prime Birth Story.
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M Aug 26, 2015

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    Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris

    with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 10, 2015

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    Chuck Norris doesn't look

    for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 14, 2015

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    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg.

    After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
    IlluminatePlease IlluminatePlease 31-35, M Aug 27, 2015

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 3, 2014

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    How many Chuck Norris's does it take to change

    a light bulb? None. Just threatening to call Chuck makes the light bulb want to change on its own.
    Fatherofthedaughter Fatherofthedaughter 51-55, M Nov 11, 2015

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 21, 2014

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    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.

    Chuck Norris bites frost.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 9, 2015

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    Chuck Norris travels at lightspeed daily,

    he calls it normal speed, to him we move slow.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jul 27, 2015

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    When someone fires a gun at Chuck Norris,

    the gun won't fire. not even a gun would try to attack Chuck Norris
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jul 25, 2015

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 22, 2014

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    Chuck Norris found some old glow sticks in his

    basement. He gave them away and they are now known as lightsabers.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 8, 2015

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 2, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 28, 2015

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    emerald emerald 36-40, F 4 Responses Oct 14, 2015

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    Death Valley wasn't named that

    because of its heat, it was named Death Valley because Chuck Norris has a summer home there.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 4 Responses Aug 11, 2015

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    In Christmas Day, Chuck Norris was the fourth

    wise man. He gave baby Jesus the gift of beard.
    Jmb850 Jmb850 36-40, M 1 Response Aug 12, 2015

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 15 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 2, 2014

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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    CNN has the best coverage

    because it was invented by Chuck Norris. It stands for the Chuck Norris Network.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Jul 28, 2015

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    How does Chuck Norris escape

    after being swallowed by a killer whale....... See answer in comments. Thanks EPAllie.
    Fatherofthedaughter Fatherofthedaughter 51-55, M 1 Response Nov 10, 2015

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    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 25, 2014

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    How does Chuck Norris escape from being

    swallowed by a Killer Whale......He kicks and punches until he's all pooped out.
    Fatherofthedaughter Fatherofthedaughter 51-55, M Nov 10, 2015

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 6, 2015

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 1 Response Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is not allowed in hell

    because the devil is scared of him.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 3 Responses May 8, 2015

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    Chuck Norris wouldn't need equipment

    if he was a RPG character: his roundhouse kick and beard beat any item.
    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Aug 1, 2015

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    jml2000 jml2000 61-65, M 2 Responses Mar 23, 2014

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