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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 357 People

    Some men cut themselves shaving,

    Chuck Norris makes razorblades go rusty.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 15

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 13

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    Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple.

    Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 21

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    The bogeyman screamed,

    "Ah Mommy Chuck Norris is in my closet!"
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11, 2014

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    Chuck Norris only skydived once,

    becuz the world only needs one Grand Canyon
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 17

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29, 2014

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    Crop Circles have a meaning: They're signals to

    alien life forms that this is the planet Chuck Norris lives on.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 25

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    When you click on Chuck Norris' website,

    a warning comes up saying, "Clicking on this could cause your computer to explode."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 12

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    Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of

    Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 22

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20, 2014

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    If Miss Philippines, Maria Venus Raj,

    answered "Chuck Norris" at the last question, she would have won Miss Universe... forever.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 31

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    Chuck Norris doesn’t swim,

    he beats the water into submission.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 16

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Chuck Norris once made a joke,

    unfortunately everyone around him died of laughter!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 26, 2014

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    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30, 2014

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    When Chuck Norris' fever broke,

    the global warming crisis was solved.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M Feb 17

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 11

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    Chuck Norris can go trick

    or treating in July and get a sack full
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 7

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 2, 2014

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    Chuck Norris had six kids,

    they were called SEAL TEAM 6
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 4

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    The reason it rains is Chuck Norris scared the

    clouds, and they wet themselves.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 14

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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 19, 2014

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    Chuck Norris caught a cold

    and made it sick.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 24, 2014

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    Chuck Norris once went to court

    for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 6

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2, 2014

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    When Chuck Norris was a kid,

    he entered a pool bombing competition. This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 18

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Sep 12, 2014

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    The reason it rains is

    because water wants to be closer to Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    In bowling, there is no thing

    as a spare for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris spares nothing and no one.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10, 2014

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 20

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    Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role

    in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20, 2014

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22, 2014

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