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I Love Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 334 People

    Chuck Norris took a wrong turn at the zoo

    and found himself in with Brutus the nasty Silverback Gorilla. Brutus was then seen politely showing Chuck to the exit door.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 30

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    TheTrollinator TheTrollinator 13-15, M Aug 7

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    Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree

    and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 8

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 4

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    When Chuck Norris gives you the finger,

    he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 2

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    Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table,

    because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
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    If you ever catch your kid watching a Chuck

    Norris movie, check him the next day for beard stubble.
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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Aug 7

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    When Chuck Norris eats a candy bar,

    the candy bar gets a cavity.
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    A group of children once said,

    "Red rover, red rover, send Chuck Norris over." Those children were the dinosaurs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 3

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    Chuck Norris does not wear a condom

    because there is no protection from Chuck Norris. source: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/chucknorrisjokes.html
    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M Aug 6

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    Chuck Norris doesn't move

    when he walks, the universe just moves around him.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 20

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    one day Chuck Norris decided to wave his hand,

    and that's how wind on Earth was created.
    GodOfGreekGods GodOfGreekGods 22-25, M a week ago

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    Whiteboards are white

    because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 7

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response May 11

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Chuck Norris is my father

    For reasons I cannot remember (probably just to mess with my him), when I was 10 I told my 6 year old brother that our father was Chuck Norris incognito. I'm sure I made up an elaborate tale of sorts, explaining why the Texas Ranger had moved to Ohio and started a family as a...
    MommyGoneMad MommyGoneMad 26-30, F 16 Responses Sep 20, 2011

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 2

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 27

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    Chuck Norris doesn't catch colds.

    ..but colds can't catch Chuck Norris, either, because nothing can catch Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 6

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    Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts

    Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.  The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.  There is no chin under Chuck Norris...
    EPJulio EPJulio 26-30, M 8 Responses Oct 17, 2007

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    Chuck Norris is the reason

    why Waldo is hiding.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 22

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Chuck Norris won American Idol,

    only using sign language.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jul 28

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    When Chuck Norris turned 18,

    his parents moved out.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 20

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    Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number,

    YOU answered the wrong phone.
    Cristofori Cristofori 41-45, M 1 Response Jun 12

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it

    automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 22

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    The U.S. Government has come up with a new form

    of capitol punishment called 'Lethal Ejection'. It's where Chuck Norris throws the death row inmate through the side door of a Boeing 737 at 35,000 feet.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 28

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 21

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    Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March

    31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 3

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    Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number,

    you answer the wrong phone
    projectgwyn101 projectgwyn101 16-17, M 14 Responses Apr 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 27

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    Chuck Norris doesn't walk home.

    ......Home walks to him!!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Jun 12

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    Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey,

    a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 29

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    Chuck Norris doesn't get 2-day deliveries from

    Amazon, he gets his order the same day
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 18

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 17

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    Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

     c8lorraine started it...... http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e... a whole page of Chuck Norris Jokes   And I am adding some more rib tickling Chuckisms......... Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just never had the guts to tell him. The...
    animalrescue animalrescue 46-50, M 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 10

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    A Meteor Did Not Kill The Dinosaurs,

    Chuck Norris Just Decided To Go Hunting.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Chuck Norris doesn't bow to the Queen,

    the Queen bows to Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 21

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    In World War 2 Chuck Norris Pointed his Fingers

    at an enemy zero and said BANG, The plane burst into flames and crashed.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Lefty39 Lefty39 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 6

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    Everywhere Chuck Norris goes,

    it's night, because the Sun is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Sep 7

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    When Chuck Norris gets a physical,

    it takes an entire hospital to take his pulse.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 23

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    LucyGirlAkita2 LucyGirlAkita2 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 20

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