Chuck Norris stole Thor's thunder
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
The moon and sun don't cause high or low tides, gravity just follows Chuck Norris everywhere he goes.
"And then Chuck Norris went into the junkyard and by his own hand pleasured himself." -excerpt from The Optimus Prime Birth Story.
Chuck Norris doesn't look for fun. The fun looks for Chuck Norris.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
If Chuck Norris was on The Amazing Race it would be called Chuck Norris Won.
In Christmas Day, Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. He gave baby Jesus the gift of beard.
When challenged by Paul Bunyan to a logging contest, Chuck Norris showed his sportsmanship by leaving Paul a sapling in the now-deforested field.
Death Valley wasn't named that because of its heat, it was named Death Valley because Chuck Norris has a summer home there.
When Chuck Norris hits his funny bone he actually laughs!
chuck norris eats smart cars like m&m's.
Three drunk men charged towards Chuck Norris with bottles. He single leggedly disarmed all three whilst kicking them all in the face at the same time.
Chuck Norris can turn water into ice with his ice cold stare.
I once did a report on Chuck Norris. The paper roundhouse kicked me in the face.
Chuck Norris' cell phone contract expired 5 years ago. The phone company is just too scared to tell him.
The earth can't be destoryed by a meteor because 1. No meteor would dare go near Chuck Norris 2. If one did he would roundhouse kick it back to space.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
When Chuck Norris places a straw on a camels back it breaks.
Chuck Norris is the ONLY person who can punch with his foot
Chuck was hit by a car once, the car was in critical condition.
Chuck Norris found some old glow sticks in his basement. He gave them away and they are now known as lightsabers.