Did you hear what Chuck Norris did to the guy that threw him into the river? Just kidding... NOBODY throws Chuck Norris!
In bowling, there is no thing as a spare for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris spares nothing and no one.
Chuck Norris was Paul McCartney`s inspiration when he wrote "Live and Let Die".
Chuck was in the original cast of Texas Chainsaw Massacre but left because he didn't understand why he needed a chainsaw for the 'effects'.
Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris uses an air bag...in order to protect the inside of his car in case he stops too fast.
A TSA Agent once asked to "pat down" Chuck Norris. His hands were instantly burned to a crisp
Chuck Norris respects the law, that's why his fists, elbows, feet, legs, knees and beard are all properly registered with the ATF.
To get his boots Chuck Norris just kicks a cow.
Chuck Norris can split an atom and put it back together.
Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.
The only mind Edward cannot read is Bella's. That is because Bella thinks about Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris get's shot today, tomorrow will be the bullets funeral.
Chuck Norris was to die 5 years ago, but Death hasn't mustered the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "slaughter".
That's not "The light at the end of the tunnel" you see... that's Chuck Norris holding a flashlight.
That's not a chin under Chuck Norris' beard, it's a third fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number... YOU answered the WRONG phone!
Did you hear that Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience?
Some Children wear Superman pajamas to bed, but Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
How does Chuck Norris make coffee? He grinds the beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
When Chuck Norris' fever broke, the global warming crisis was solved.
When Mt. St. Helens erupted, Chuck Norris got out the marsh mellows.
Chuck Norris Was Pissed Off When His Show 'Walking Texas Ranger' Was Cut From T.V So The Producers Created A Show Named After His First Name.
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
Only Chuck Norris can Enter The Dragon.