Two atoms are walking down the street. The first atom says to the other, "hey, you just stole an electron from me!"
"Are you sure?" Asks the second atom
The first atom replies...
What do you call a nosey pepper?
What is the definition of a good farmer?
A man outstanding in his field!
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but Saran Wrap walked into his office?
I can clearly see you're nuts!
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing!
Pickup lines are my fav because... Well no reason
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing!
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything!
What type of music do mummies listen to?
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
He had no body to go with him!
What do you call a deer with no eye?
Wife: "How would you describe me?"Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."Wife: "What does that mean?"Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."Wife...
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
He responds with, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Never trust an atom, they make up everything
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans!
Don't use straighteners! They're a waste of money. I've been using one for 3 weeks now and I'm still gay.
What did the envelope say to the stamp?
Stick with me baby I'll take you places. 😜
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down
There once was a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils
A dad walks in on his son ************ and says "son if you keep doing that you'll go blind", to which the son replies "dad I'm over here"
I miss the days when you would waltz in to class, smile, sit next to me, and just talk.
I remember when we used to rummage through each other's iPods.
I thought we would take on...
The sun began to set on a routine, and rather uneventful Tuesday evening, as I walked through the small park towards the dreary apartment building that...
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's...
Thanksgiving Menu: Herb-rubbed roast turkey, gravy, cornbread dressing, sweet potatoes in a vanilla syrup, green beans sauteed with garlic, rolls with cinnamon honey butter...
Petals Of Twilight
...And it is told that he made his way through their streets at night,
crawling through their many windows and crouching in their gardens,
moving through the...
I hate doing corner time. There are two ways that we do it in our house. Sometimes it's a punishment in itself when my sister and I have done an argument or something. Mum makes us...
The confusion ensues in fusion of loosened feet headed deep into the mixed emotional glue every motion's hue delivered in lost oceans,
The joy is beyond ecstasy, the...
I love that one corner of the Library that is completely empty and surrounded by books. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to find one of these corners with an arm chair, or even a table...
Standing on the street corner. Pretending to be working the corners. Getting noticed. It can be thrilling especially when some stranger unexpectedly walks up and wants some action...