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I Love Corny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 869 People

    Do you know what the lettuce asked the radish?

    Let us be best friends? And what did the radish answer? You naughty thing, you make me blush! you make me reddish!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Jan 14

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    msilver msilver 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 3, 2014

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    A redneck family from outside Little Rock was

    visiting a city in the North and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son decided to stroll around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 1 Response May 2

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    So, Two Atoms...

    Two atoms bump into each other..the first atom says to the second atom, "are you ok?" The second atom says, "no, I lost an electron!" The first atom asks, "are you sure?" and the second atom replies "Yeah, I'm positive!" :P
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace 26-30, M 14 Responses Dec 4, 2011

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    A man tells a doctor,

    "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 1 Response May 2

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    I named my iPod, The Titanic.

    Now it's syncing!
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 1 Response Mar 4

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    1. What did the plate say to the other plate?

    A: Dinner's on me! 2. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? 3. What do you call an abusive egg? A: An egg beater 4. What did the carrot say to the other carrot? A: Don't you carrot at all for me? 5. Why was the priest so upset because of the...
    mguinm mguinm 41-45, F 8 Responses Apr 26, 2014

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    Once there was a Chicken

    who went into a library and said: "Book Book" and the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned and again said: "Book Book" and once more the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. The Chicken returned AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this...
    lilreddress lilreddress 36-40, F 10 Responses Mar 18, 2014

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    A bear and rabbit were ******** in the woods,

    the bear turned to the rabbit and asked "does **** stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied "no" So the bear picked him up and wiped his *** with him....
    funtobehad35 funtobehad35 36-40, M 1 Response Jul 23, 2014

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    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl,

    pee? Anybody? :D :D
    yourguardingangel yourguardingangel 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 20

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    Q: What do you call a pig

    that does karate? A: A pork chop.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 22

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair...
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 2 Responses Jul 21, 2014

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    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    It's impossible to put down
    msilver msilver 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 17, 2014

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    Why did the tomato blush?

    It saw the salad dressing!
    msilver msilver 18-21, F Oct 26, 2014

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F Mar 10

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    I met a girl but I think she must be a Zero APR

    Loan... Because I don't really understand her terms and she kept saying she has no interest.
    WripTyde WripTyde 46-50, M 3 Responses Aug 15

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    Q: What did the grape say

    after the elephant sat on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 23, 2014

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    Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans!
    msilver msilver 18-21, F Nov 13, 2014

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    my 4 year old came up with this one .

    .. why did Darth Vader cross the road?? to get to the dark side lol i love it!
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 4, 2014

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    mclovin31321 mclovin31321 22-25, F Apr 5

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    NarakunoHana NarakunoHana 26-30, F Jan 3

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    My baby sister told me this one.

    You want to hear a farm joke !?!? Never mind, it corny.
    RedMeansGo RedMeansGo 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 4, 2014

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    DrunkGiraffe DrunkGiraffe 26-30, M 2 Responses Dec 4, 2014

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    SIRROM88 SIRROM88 22-25, M Jul 21, 2014

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    A blonde who had been unemployed

    for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 May 2

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    Q: When is a farmer like a magician?

    A: When he turns his cows to pasture.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 1

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    Little Johnny asks his father

    for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.” Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 23, 2014

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    A couple in Russia were arguing about the

    weather. "It's rain!" said the husband. "No, it's snow," replied the wife. They then saw Rudolph, an intelligent communist, and they decided to ask him. "Excuse me, Mr Rudolph," asked the husband, "can you tell us what the weather is doing?" "It's raining, sir." Rudolph replied...
    lynnealine lynnealine 18-21, F May 31

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    What did the banana say to the vibrator?

    Why are you shaking? She is gonna eat me!
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Mar 19

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    What did the grape say

    when it was crushed? Nothing it just let out A little wine
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 22, 2014

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    why did the woman cross the road ?

    never mind that, the first question should be, how did she get out of the kitchen !!! ok..diving for cover now..lol
    looking4somefun1 looking4somefun1 46-50, M 1 Response May 17

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    Why do fish like saltwater?

    Because pepper makes them sneeze xD
    orsoliz orsoliz 18-21, F 1 Response May 23

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    Q: What did the traffic light say

    when it stayed red?? A: You’d be red too if you had to change in front of everyone!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24, 2014

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    Not sure if this is "Corny"

    but it made me smile...... Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
    JustaSillyfairy JustaSillyfairy 46-50, F 2 Responses May 17

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    Q: What's the difference between America

    and a flash drive? A: One is USA and the other is USB.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Jul 26

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    Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant.

    The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 30

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    How do you get holy water?

    You boil the hell out of it!
    msilver msilver 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 3, 2014

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    So my friend told me this joke

    and I thought it was a really good play on words. The joke is Why was the snowman lonely? Because there was snowone to play with! Haha get it hehe. Idek but when she told me this I started laughing lol
    LittleBallOfFire LittleBallOfFire 13-15, F 1 Response May 28

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    msilver msilver 18-21, F Nov 13, 2014

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    Did you hear about the two peanuts walking the

    street late at night? One of them was assaulted.
    Luckranger71 Luckranger71 41-45, M May 13

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    Q: Why did the ghost ride the elevator?

    A: He wanted to lift his spirits.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27, 2014

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    The Future, the past

    and the present walk into a Bar. It was tense! :D
    deleted deleted 26-30 May 1

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    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE

    PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 4. "This employee is really not so much...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 Responses Jun 22

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    What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy

    boob? If we dont get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F Mar 19

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    Why didn't the toilet paper roll make it across

    the street? Because it got stuck in a crack!
    Oreolover27 Oreolover27 13-15, F Dec 3, 2014

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    Don't use straighteners!

    They're a waste of money. I've been using one for 3 weeks now and I'm still gay.
    msilver msilver 18-21, F 2 Responses Nov 14, 2014

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