I Love Corny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 856 People

    did you hear about the premature ejaculator?

    .. Yeah, he came out of nowhere.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    my 4 year old came up with this one .

    .. why did Darth Vader cross the road?? to get to the dark side lol i love it!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 4, 2014

    Why did the tomato blush?

    It saw the salad dressing!
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    Oct 26, 2014

    A couple in Russia were arguing about the

    weather. "It's rain!" said the husband. "No, it's snow," replied the wife. They then saw Rudolph, an intelligent communist, and they decided to ask him. "Excuse me, Mr Rudolph," asked the husband, "can you tell us what the weather is doing?" "It's raining, sir." Rudolph replied...
    lynnealine lynnealine
    22-25, F
    May 31, 2015

    A bear and rabbit were ******** in the woods,

    the bear turned to the rabbit and asked "does **** stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied "no" So the bear picked him up and wiped his *** with him....
    funtobehad35 funtobehad35
    41-45, M
    1 Response Jul 23, 2014

    How do you get holy water?

    You boil the hell out of it!
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 3, 2014

    George and Fred are up fixing the roof.

    George picks up a nail, looks at it, and throws it away. He picks up the next one, looks at it, and hammers it into the roof. The next one, he hammers it into the roof; the next one, he throws away. Fred says, "George, why do you throw away half the nails?" George says, "Fred...
    Piano50 Piano50
    46-50, F
    Dec 13, 2015
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    Dec 3, 2014
    jellybean0617 jellybean0617
    16-17, T
    1 Response Aug 3, 2015

    Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans!
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    Nov 13, 2014
    GlitzandGlamber GlitzandGlamber
    22-25, F
    13 Responses Jan 13, 2015

    Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl going to the

    bathroom? Because the "P" is silent... Lmfao I really can't stop laughing
    Cleopatra05 Cleopatra05
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 2, 2015

    So my friend told me this joke

    and I thought it was a really good play on words. The joke is Why was the snowman lonely? Because there was snowone to play with! Haha get it hehe. Idek but when she told me this I started laughing lol
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response May 28, 2015
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    Don't use straighteners!

    They're a waste of money. I've been using one for 3 weeks now and I'm still gay.
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 14, 2014

    Why didn't the toilet paper roll make it across

    the street? Because it got stuck in a crack!
    Oreolover27 Oreolover27
    16-17, F
    Dec 3, 2014

    Q: What's the difference between America

    and yogurt? A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
    SonofPaddy121 SonofPaddy121
    18-21, M
    1 Response Apr 8

    what do you call a cow with no legs?

    .. ground beef... .. but really, why bother calling it at all..? .. you know it can't come.. WTF
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    Girl: Hey baby, would you pretend like a strong

    man and move the sofa..? Guy: Sure dear, would you pretend like a weak girl and suck my d!ck ? Girl: Jerk.!! Guy: Hey! we both are being sexist here..!!
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve
    26-30, M
    Feb 1

    Why do fish like saltwater?

    Because pepper makes them sneeze xD
    orsoliz orsoliz
    18-21, F
    1 Response May 23, 2015
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    Nov 13, 2014

    Q: What do you call a pig

    that does karate? A: A pork chop.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 22, 2015

    what do they feed coma patients

    for breakfast in the hospital? ...wait for it. ..wwwwait.. ....a little bit more. ..and, .now the answer: they feed them coma toast. X^)s)" yukyukyuk... coma toast, like comatose .. lol I kill me..
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    1 Response Feb 8

    Q: What did the grape say

    after the elephant sat on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 23, 2014

    Little Johnny asks his father

    for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.” Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold
    31-35, F
    1 Response Jan 23, 2014
    SailorsAngel SailorsAngel
    41-45, F
    Jul 21, 2014
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    My baby sister told me this one.

    You want to hear a farm joke !?!? Never mind, it corny.
    RedMeansGo RedMeansGo
    18-21, F
    Dec 4, 2014

    What is the coolest thing dating a homeless

    girl? … You can drop her off anywhere.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    I love corny jokes and pick up lines.

    if you're a guy or my boyfriend or something, one way to make me smile laugh or giggle is by making corny jokes. am I the only one that finds that attractive
    ItsMeRegan ItsMeRegan
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 16, 2015

    what did the doctor say to the midget ?

    ... He said you're going to have to be a little patient.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    1 Response Dec 22, 2015

    what do you call a boomerang

    that doesn't work? a stick.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Nov 5, 2015

    So, Two Atoms...

    Two atoms bump into each other..the first atom says to the second atom, "are you ok?" The second atom says, "no, I lost an electron!" The first atom asks, "are you sure?" and the second atom replies "Yeah, I'm positive!" :P
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace
    26-30, M
    13 Responses Dec 4, 2011
    SIRROM88 SIRROM88
    22-25, M
    Jul 21, 2014

    Did you hear about the two peanuts walking the

    street late at night? One of them was assaulted.
    Luckranger71 Luckranger71
    41-45, M
    2 Responses May 13, 2015

    Q: What's the difference between America

    and a flash drive? A: One is USA and the other is USB.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    Do you know what the lettuce asked the radish?

    Let us be best friends? And what did the radish answer? You naughty thing, you make me blush! you make me reddish!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Jan 14, 2015

    what did the big bucket say to the little

    bucket? .. you look a little pail
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant.

    The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses May 30, 2015

    A redneck family from outside Little Rock was

    visiting a city in the North and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son decided to stroll around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    1 Response May 2, 2015

    What did the grape say

    when it was crushed? Nothing it just let out A little wine
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jul 22, 2014

    What did the hot dog say

    when he won the contest?? ...I'm the wiener!! lmfaoo I need to stop
    Cleopatra05 Cleopatra05
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 3, 2015
    katariffik katariffik
    31-35, F
    2 Responses May 6, 2015

    What did the psychiatrist say

    when a man wearing nothing but Saran Wrap walked into his office? I can clearly see you're nuts!
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 26, 2014

    Q: How is an ocean harbor like a children's

    playground? A: It has buoys and gulls.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 27, 2015
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Dec 22, 2015

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    It's impossible to put down
    msilver msilver
    18-21, F
    1 Response Nov 17, 2014

    I named my iPod, The Titanic.

    Now it's syncing!
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky
    31-35, M
    1 Response Mar 4, 2015

    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair...
    SailorsAngel SailorsAngel
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jul 21, 2014

    Q: What did the traffic light say

    when it stayed red?? A: You’d be red too if you had to change in front of everyone!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 24, 2014

    Q: Why did the ghost ride the elevator?

    A: He wanted to lift his spirits.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 27, 2014

    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE

    PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 4. "This employee is really not so much...
    zydeko zydeko
    18-21
    1 Response Jun 22, 2015
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