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I Love Corny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 590 People

    The Little Green Snake

    Snakes also known as Garter Snakes(Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants.During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of themindoors to protect them from a...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 1 Response Apr 12, 2013

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    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    It's impossible to put down
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

    He had no body to go with him!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F Oct 30

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    What did the envelope say to the stamp?

    Stick with me baby I'll take you places. 😜
    meekakitty meekakitty 13-15, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 27

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    1. What did the plate say to the other plate?

    A: Dinner's on me! 2. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? 3. What do you call an abusive egg? A: An egg beater 4. What did the carrot say to the other carrot? A: Don't you carrot at all for me anymore? 5. Why was the priest so upset because of...
    mguinm mguinm 41-45, F 8 Responses Apr 26

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    Q: What did the grape say

    after the elephant sat on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 23

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F Oct 30

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    Drive Thru

    A man comes up through the drive thru...it's late at night........ The man working inside comes on the loudspeaker "Can I help you?" "Yes,"says the gentleman in the car,"I would like a cheeseburger and fries." "Sorry sir, we are out of fries." "Ok,"he says,"I would like a...
    humptyback humptyback 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F Nov 13

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    “Mom, can I have an animal cracker?

    ” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “It said on the box not to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 26

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 28

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    What did grandpa say to grandma?

    I can't remember. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. What do you call someone who's wasting their time? HappensForAReason (James) I need a life.
    HappensForAReason HappensForAReason 13-15, M Aug 16

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    What did the mother buffalo say

    when her boy left for college? Bye-son!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 25

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    Q: What did the traffic light say

    when it stayed red?? A: You’d be red too if you had to change in front of everyone!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24

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    6/14/14 I still remember the jokes we told

    as kids. They still make me giggle. Guess I'm still a kid , mostly. How do you catch a Polar Bear? ans.... Go to Alaska. Cut a big hole in the ice. Place peas around the hole. When the Bear comes to take a pea............. you kick him in the ice-hole. LOL...
    minimeowz minimeowz 61-65, F 1 Response Jun 13

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    A dad walks in on his son ************

    and says "son if you keep doing that you'll go blind", to which the son replies "dad I'm over here"
    MarxistLuciferKongJr MarxistLuciferKongJr 22-25, M 5 days ago

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    Did you hear about the crab

    that went to the Disco? He pulled a mussel.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    Why couldn't the bicycle stand?

    Because he was too tired!
    WhatABeautifulMess97 WhatABeautifulMess97 16-17, F Jul 25

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    Q: Why did the ghost ride the elevator?

    A: He wanted to lift his spirits.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    You wanna hear a pizza joke ?

    O you do. Well I can't tell you it's to cheesy.
    Strange143 Strange143 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 16

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    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    "Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."Wife: "What does that mean?"Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    Ellainemaidess Ellainemaidess 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 7

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    Why did the tomato blush?

    It saw the salad dressing!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F Oct 26

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    Two antennas got married.

    The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 27

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    How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in your

    fridge? You can see its body sticking out.
    SeaSalt38 SeaSalt38 13-15, F Oct 19

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    Q: Do you know what the lettuce asked the

    radish? A: Let us be best friends? And what did the radish answer? You naughty thing, you make me blush! you make me reddish!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 9

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 24

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    What did the psychiatrist say

    when a man wearing nothing but Saran Wrap walked into his office? I can clearly see you're nuts!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 26

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    Adam352 Adam352 18-21, M 2 Responses Oct 10

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    Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?

    A: He wanted to get a long little doggy!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 23

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    A husband takes the wife to a night club.

    There’s aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!” The husband says, “Looks to me like he’s still...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 4

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 26

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F 2 Responses Nov 6

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    Don't use straighteners!

    They're a waste of money. I've been using one for 3 weeks now and I'm still gay.
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 14

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    A bear and rabbit were ******** in the woods,

    the bear turned to the rabbit and asked "does **** stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied "no" So the bear picked him up and wiped his *** with him....
    funtobehad35 funtobehad35 36-40, M 1 Response Jul 23

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    Q: What do you call a veterinary surgeon with

    laryngitis? A: A hoarse doctor.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair...
    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    A photon checks into a hotel

    and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He responds with, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 13

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    What did the traffic light say to the car?

    Don't look, I'm changing!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F Oct 27

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    Two atoms are walking down the street.

    The first atom says to the other, "hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" Asks the second atom The first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
    msilver msilver 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 26

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    msilver msilver 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 26

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    Little Johnny asks his father

    for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.” Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 23

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 23

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    What did the ocean say to the sea?

    Nothing, it just waved
    fjordecrosser fjordecrosser 18-21, M Sep 3

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    What did the grape say

    when it was crushed? Nothing it just let out A little wine
    skyleryounger skyleryounger 18-21, M Jul 22

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    Once there was a Chicken

    who went into a library and said: "Book Book" and the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned and again said: "Book Book" and once more the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. The Chicken returned AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this...
    lilreddress lilreddress 36-40, F 10 Responses Mar 18

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    Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

    It runs in your jeans!
    msilver msilver 16-17, F Nov 13

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    So, Two Atoms...

    Two atoms bump into each other..the first atom says to the second atom, "are you ok?" The second atom says, "no, I lost an electron!" The first atom asks, "are you sure?" and the second atom replies "Yeah, I'm positive!" :P
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace 26-30, M 10 Responses Dec 4, 2011

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    RMDk RMDk 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 17

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    bambi456 bambi456 16-17, F Oct 26

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    TCL009 TCL009 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 21

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