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I Love Corny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 470 People

    1. What did the plate say to the other plate?

    A: Dinner's on me! 2. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? 3. What do you call an abusive egg? A: An egg beater 4. What did the carrot say to the other carrot? A: Don't you carrot at all for me anymore? 5. Why was the priest so upset because of...
    mguinm mguinm 41-45, F 7 Responses Apr 26

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    Poli-sci 101

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take...
    JeremyMack JeremyMack 18-21, M Oct 9, 2013

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    Mother: daughter, why are you crying?

    Daughter:: mommy I pass the test. Mother: wow! That good baby, you're very good, which subject? Daughter: pregnancy test mommy!!( crying ) XD!! Now you know,, super corny lol
    onionheart16 onionheart16 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 3

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    What did the grape say

    when it was crushed? Nothing it just let out A little wine
    skyleryounger skyleryounger 18-21, M Jul 22

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    Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?

    A: He wanted to get a long little doggy!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 23

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    Q: What did the traffic light say

    when it stayed red?? A: You’d be red too if you had to change in front of everyone!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24

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    My friend recently got crushed by a pile of

    books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 27

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    Q: Do you know what the lettuce asked the

    radish? A: Let us be best friends? And what did the radish answer? You naughty thing, you make me blush! you make me reddish!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 9

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    What did the ocean say to the sea?

    Nothing, it just waved
    fjordecrosser fjordecrosser 18-21, M 1 Response Sep 3

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    Q: What do you call a veterinary surgeon with

    laryngitis? A: A hoarse doctor.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 20

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    PsychoSkittles PsychoSkittles 18-21, F Jun 10

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    Best one I've seen today

    while browsing.
    Emiliodecker Emiliodecker 16-17, M Jun 24

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 24

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    A blind man walks into a bar.

    And a table. And a chair...
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 3 Responses Jul 21

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    Q: Why don't you play cards in the Savanna?

    A: Because there are a lot of cheetahs.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    Why couldn't the bicycle stand?

    Because he was too tired!
    WhatABeautifulMess97 WhatABeautifulMess97 16-17, F Jul 25

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 23

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    “Mom, can I have an animal cracker?

    ” asked 3 year old Bob. “Sure Bob,” said his mom. “Open up the box, and take a few.” Forty five minutes later Bob’s mother walked into the kitchen. “Bob, why’d you spill out all of the animal crackers, and what are you looking for?” “It said on the box not to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 26

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    You wanna hear a pizza joke ?

    O you do. Well I can't tell you it's to cheesy.
    Strange143 Strange143 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 16

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    Q . How do you make fruit punch Wait

    for it ...... A. You give it boxing lessons
    Strange143 Strange143 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 16

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    Q: Why did the ghost ride the elevator?

    A: He wanted to lift his spirits.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    Q: What did the grape say

    after the elephant sat on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine!
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 23

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    RMDk RMDk 26-30, F 4 Responses Jun 17

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    Starbucks is cheap...

    Compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup!XD
    onionheart16 onionheart16 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    6/14/14 I still remember the jokes we told

    as kids. They still make me giggle. Guess I'm still a kid , mostly. How do you catch a Polar Bear? ans.... Go to Alaska. Cut a big hole in the ice. Place peas around the hole. When the Bear comes to take a pea............. you kick him in the ice-hole. LOL...
    minimeowz minimeowz 61-65, F 1 Response Jun 13

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    A bear and rabbit were ******** in the woods,

    the bear turned to the rabbit and asked "does **** stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied "no" So the bear picked him up and wiped his *** with him....
    funtobehad35 funtobehad35 36-40, M 1 Response Jul 23

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    So, Two Atoms...

    Two atoms bump into each other..the first atom says to the second atom, "are you ok?" The second atom says, "no, I lost an electron!" The first atom asks, "are you sure?" and the second atom replies "Yeah, I'm positive!" :P
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace 26-30, M 10 Responses Dec 4, 2011

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    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses May 24

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    Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the

    gambling casino? A: Because he was on a roll.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Aug 3

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    A husband takes the wife to a night club.

    There’s aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!” The husband says, “Looks to me like he’s still...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F Feb 4

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    What did grandpa say to grandma?

    I can't remember. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Do-you-think-he-saurus What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. What do you call someone who's wasting their time? HappensForAReason (James) I need a life.
    HappensForAReason HappensForAReason 13-15, M Aug 16

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    Emiliodecker Emiliodecker 16-17, M Jun 24

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    Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary?

    A: Rubber-band -- because it streches.
    TheCunylinguist TheCunylinguist 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    Did you hear about the crab

    that went to the Disco? He pulled a mussel.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses May 27

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    SIRROM88 SIRROM88 18-21, M Jul 21

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    Once there was a Chicken

    who went into a library and said: "Book Book" and the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned and again said: "Book Book" and once more the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. The Chicken returned AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this...
    lilreddress lilreddress 36-40, F 11 Responses Mar 18

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    WhatABeautifulMess97 WhatABeautifulMess97 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 25

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    Daddy, where did I come from?

    From the stork omg daddy, you do screw everything
    Germancowboy Germancowboy 56-60, M Jun 25

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    The Little Green Snake

    Snakes also known as Garter Snakes(Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants.During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of themindoors to protect them from a...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 1 Response Apr 12, 2013

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    Old man says" losing hair is not about hair

    loss, it's about face gain. One day I will have a face a whole head of face.
    onionheart16 onionheart16 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 22

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    Drive Thru

    A man comes up through the drive thru...it's late at night........ The man working inside comes on the loudspeaker "Can I help you?" "Yes,"says the gentleman in the car,"I would like a cheeseburger and fries." "Sorry sir, we are out of fries." "Ok,"he says,"I would like a...
    humptyback humptyback 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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    Little Johnny asks his father

    for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.” Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 23

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    Two antennas got married.

    The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses May 27

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    Related Experiences

    I know it's cool to bash celebrities. But the Beiber jokes have to stop...that's someones daughter.
    Thepainlover Thepainlover 22-25, M 1 Response Aug 30

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    Q: What is faster Hot or cold? A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 5

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    I know it's old but I say "That's what she said" a lot.
    WhatTheFrenchToast WhatTheFrenchToast 18-21, M Aug 19

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    The number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. “Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman. “Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Aug 21

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    Everyone has the right to be stupid--------------> But you're abusing the privilege :P
    littleana littleana 18-21, F 2 Responses Sep 9

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    Parking Fine “I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend, there was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Its a few days before school starts and I've been praying every night that i get my history teacher from last year again. He is the most amazing person i have ever met. i get...
    bellabee25 bellabee25 13-15, F Sep 3

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