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I Love Corny Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 285 People

    .. Joke Time.. (Love)

    guy: Ms. are you made up of COPPER and TELLURIUM? Lady: Oh why.?? (wondering..?) Guy: because you're so..... ............CuTe....... Lady: oh, sweet.. ;) (corny..hehe)
    Ashlez32 Ashlez32 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 25, 2013

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    Drive Thru

    A man comes up through the drive thru...it's late at night........ The man working inside comes on the loudspeaker "Can I help you?" "Yes,"says the gentleman in the car,"I would like a cheeseburger and fries." "Sorry sir, we are out of fries." "Ok,"he says,"I would like a...
    humptyback humptyback 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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    Wedding Bells For Radio Antennae

    Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married? No! Well it was a dreadful wedding, but the reception was excellent! 
    Hypericum Hypericum 56-60, M 2 Responses Sep 16, 2011

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    To Catch A Rabbit...

    How do you catch a UNIQUE  rabbit?well.... you  nique up on it, of course.... Then how do you catch a TAME rabbit? tame way....
    TEMPOLTON TEMPOLTON 41-45, M 1 Response Apr 27, 2012

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    Speaking of rabbits- how do you catch a unique

    rabbit? . . . . A: unique up on it How do you catch a tame rabbit? . . A: tame way, unique up on it.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    Poli-sci 101

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take...
    JeremyMack JeremyMack 18-21, M Oct 9, 2013

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    neandertaler neandertaler 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 17

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    Upstairs Maid

    (This is an old Groucho Marx one I always liked it) I have an upstairs maid, in a one story house, and the one story I'm not telling, is the story of the upstairs maid!!!
    theirishrover theirishrover 41-45, M 1 Response Feb 21, 2012

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    Damaged Pirate

    A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook-hand, and an eye patch. The seaman asks: "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies: "We were in a storm at sea...
    JeremyMack JeremyMack 18-21, M Aug 14, 2013

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    Corny

    I really like corny jokes . Usually when I tell them I always start laughing then realize I'm the only one , however later I hear my friends tell them to other people and understand most people like them too
    shawnathan74 shawnathan74 36-40, M 1 Response Nov 7, 2013

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    :D 🐄

    What do you call a cow with no legs? . . . . . Ground beef!
    ThatPenguinLover ThatPenguinLover 31-35, F 3 Responses Nov 1, 2013

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    my lights get turned on.

    haww haww hawww .
    sexyelephant69 sexyelephant69 13-15, F Jan 18

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    Proof - Men Are Not From Mars

    The Mars Rovers have been combing the Red Planet for years now. There is no sign of Beer, Scantily Clad young Women or ESPN. Men are most definitely NOT from Mars.
    angusmcfarland angusmcfarland 51-55, M 3 Responses Aug 17, 2012

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    Monkey

    Q. Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree? A. He was dead! Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A. He was stapled to the monkey!
    theirishrover theirishrover 41-45, M 1 Response Feb 21, 2012

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    Baby Corn

    Q. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A. “Where’s pop corn?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 27, 2013

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    Love'em

    Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay it would be called a bagel What did the angry customer at the Italian restaurant give the chef? A pizza his mind! Why did the man run around his bed? Because he wanted to catch up on his sleep! Why did the...
    Gemini1992 Gemini1992 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 18, 2011

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    Collision Course

    Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."The light signals back: "Change your course ten degrees west."Angry, the captain send: "I'm a navy captain! Change your...
    thesower thesower 51-55 Jan 13, 2013

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    Once there was a Chicken

    who went into a library and said: "Book Book" and the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. Then the Chicken returned and again said: "Book Book" and once more the Librarian gave the Chicken some books. The Chicken returned AGAIN and the Librarian thought "After I give this...
    lilreddress lilreddress 36-40, F 11 Responses Mar 18

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    A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi...

    ...all sat down over a bottle of Manishevitz to discuss how they earned their pay and saw to the needs of their churches and synagogue. The priest said, "Well, at the end of Sunday services, I take all the money collected in the baskets. I go into the rectory where a line is...
    eleanorssong eleanorssong 56-60, F 3 Responses Sep 30, 2012

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    Expensive Bullets

    Jealous Husband hires a hit-man to see off his cheating wife. The hit-man charges a grand a bullet. "They are in a hotel room uptown right now getting it on. Here's two grand. Shoot that cheating ***** in the head and with the other bullet shoot her lover's **** off." The hit-man...
    JeremyMack JeremyMack 18-21, M Oct 9, 2013

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    A husband takes the wife to a night club.

    There’s aguy on the dance floor giving it big time. Break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works! The wife turns to her husband and says, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down!” The husband says, “Looks to me like he’s still...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F Feb 4

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    Pure Corn

    Aw, shucks!  Who doesn't love a corny joke?  I actually stalk the people who Post them.  I don't tell them myself because my husky voice can be pretty ear-itating.  Problem is, most don't have a kernel of real humor or a niblet of truth to them.  They're...
    Myonis108 Myonis108 56-60, F 5 Responses Jan 14, 2009

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    Bar Joke

    An Irishman walks out of a bar...................................... HEY! It could happen!
    humptyback humptyback 41-45, M 2 Responses Feb 21, 2012

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    Here's A Few More

    Q: Where do you find a one legged dog? A: Where you left it. Q: What did the water say to the boat? A: Nothing, it just waved. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: What do you...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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    Hey, It's Chicken!

    Haha! I love the logo of this group! Okay... back to my story! =p I have two guys in my life with the corny jokes... Mr. Bernard and Philip! :-D I do appreciate these jokes... it's so bad that they're funny! lol. If that makes sense! The only thing...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jan 14, 2009

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    The Birds And The Bees

    A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.' Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter...
    JeremyMack JeremyMack 18-21, M Aug 15, 2013

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    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 Jun 19, 2013

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    Communist Nudists

    Two communists were sitting on the deck at a nudist colony. One says, "have you read Marx?" The other replies, "yes, I think it`s the wicker chairs."
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jan 31, 2012

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    The Little Green Snake

    Snakes also known as Garter Snakes(Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous.Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants.During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of themindoors to protect them from a...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 1 Response Apr 12, 2013

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    Who keeps calling here?

    The number is: 867-5309
    CopperHeart CopperHeart 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 8

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    Little Johnny asks his father

    for a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father says, “We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won’t be a $200 bike this year.” Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father...
    PrissyGold PrissyGold 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 23

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    The Red Jacket

    A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The...
    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 1 Response Jun 19, 2013

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    Here's One

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jun 14, 2012

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    Cahones

    There was this guy that went to Spain for the bull fights, but he could not speak a word of Spanish.  So he went to the bull fights and watched intently.  After wards he decided to go to a restaurant.  The man looked at the menu and everything was in Spanish, so...
    Roscosan Roscosan 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 14, 2009

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    What's the difference between beef soup

    and pea soup?? Anyone can cut beef but nobody can pea soup
    kendralyn kendralyn 18-21, F Mar 5

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    NoahBody123 NoahBody123 51-55 Mar 19, 2013

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    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 5 days ago

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    So, Two Atoms...

    Two atoms bump into each other..the first atom says to the second atom, "are you ok?" The second atom says, "no, I lost an electron!" The first atom asks, "are you sure?" and the second atom replies "Yeah, I'm positive!" :P
    MrHazeinCherubsGrace MrHazeinCherubsGrace 26-30, M 9 Responses Dec 4, 2011

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    Mans Best Friend

    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him paying chess with his dog.He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed . "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen.""Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "Ive beaten him...
    thesower thesower 51-55 Jan 13, 2013

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    Related Experiences

    A blonde was on her front lawn in a row boat rowing away when another blonde woman saw her , stopped her car , got out and yelled... "It's blondes like you that gives blondes like...
    Bigbadwerewolf Bigbadwerewolf 22-25, M 1 Response Mar 22

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    A blonde met her retiring mail man at the door nude Took him inside and ****** his brains out. When he was leaving she handed him a dollar bill. The baffled mail man asked her...
    Bigbadwerewolf Bigbadwerewolf 22-25, M Mar 22

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    A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 22

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    One day mom was cleaning her son's room and under the bed, she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Q: Is there a difference between the sound of a clarinet and a cat in heat? A: Of course, but only if the cat is in good health.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories? A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 23

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    One day a guy decided to kill home self. Unable to decide the best way, he went to the library. After finding a how too book on suicide, he decided to read at home. At the...
    Readytorun567 Readytorun567 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust.
    NonexistantSoul NonexistantSoul 16-17, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    There was a kid who died because he was sat on by an elephant. You're laughing right! Ok well think about it you're bring crushed my an ELEPHANT!!!!! A freaking 5 ton elephant! I'm...
    elizabethstreet elizabethstreet 13-15, F Mar 26

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    Make It Off The Island There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 27

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    Condom says to the tampon:" you put me out of a job one week a month!" Tampon replies:" when you don't do your job properly, I loose mine for NINE MONTHS!!!!!!"
    Sandyshaw13 Sandyshaw13 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 9

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    Here's your math joke for the day: Q: What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with an elephant? A: You can't cross them, a mountain climber is just a scalar
    BlueSpirit86 BlueSpirit86 22-25, M 1 Response a week ago

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    There is a blonde, a brunette, and a ginger...they all died. Jesus appeared to them and said the only way to get to heaven is too walk up these 100 stairs without laughing..I will...
    Ryleemoods Ryleemoods 13-15, F 20 hrs ago

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    In anticipation of a TV drama that is going to be shown soon based on the life of my favourite comedian, Tommy Cooper, here are some of his jokes. ********************** I went...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 1 hr ago

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    Following a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a claim of bodily injury, due to a car collision. The case was against an insurance agent, driver of...
    jenga1 jenga1 41-45, F 1 hr ago

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    My friends and I have this running joke called "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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