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I Love Dirty Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 140 People

    Traffic Confusion ;)

    I braked hard but still hit the car in front. the angry young lady driver got out and yelled at me, "ram me up the arse, why don't you!" this, your honour, is where the confusion began.
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    Oct 18, 2010

    A Girl Asks Her Doctor

    , "How many calories in ***?" He replies, "Listen love, if you swallow, nobody cares how fat you are."
    JennaTalia JennaTalia
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Oct 27, 2009

    Red

    So little red riding hood started her walk to grandma's house. Along the way she ran into Mr.Squirrel and he ask her, where are ya off to today red? she replied  I'm off to my grandma's house. Oh don't do that Red said the squirrel the Big bad wolf is there and he'll lift...
    lookin4sumthing lookin4sumthing
    26-30, M
    Oct 7, 2009

    Really Bad

      A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. “What can I get you?” the bartender inquires.  “I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,” responded the young man.  “6 shots! Are you celebrating something?”  “Yeah, my...
    aqua59 aqua59
    56-60, M
    5 Responses Feb 2, 2009

    What Is Common?

      WHAT DO A GYNECOLOGIST AND A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY HAVE IN COMMON?THEY CAN BOTH SMELL IT          BUTCAN'T EAT IT!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 4, 2012

    Currency Exchange

    A Chinese man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2100 yuan and walked out with $300. The following week, he walked in with another 2100 yuan, and was handed $276. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said...
    Obsidianpanther Obsidianpanther
    36-40, M
    May 28, 2013

    Women Can Tear Even Mightiest Man Apart

    Women Are Known To Be The Weaker Sex But They Can Tear The Mightiest Man Apart By Just Saying These Three Words. Is It In?!
    simplydbest simplydbest
    22-25, M
    5 Responses Oct 17, 2010

    Military Discipline

    Sarge was telling his son about his first mission as a paratrooper. He recalled that he had been the last man scheduled to jump & had frozen up with terror at the door. "So the jump master whipped out his ten-inch d!ck & said if I didn't jump, he'd **** me in the...
    QuixoticKidEternity QuixoticKidEternity
    31-35
    2 Responses Jul 4, 2008

    Ouch!

    did you know that the anal nerve is connected to the optic nerve?   don't believe me? pull a hair out of your *** and see your eyes water!!!
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Apr 21, 2010

    possibly the dirtiest cartoon joke ever

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5SmmMY8NyU
    tiffaz1984 tiffaz1984
    31-35, M
    Apr 29, 2015

    Friends Indeed

    Sue's friend Tiffany was complaining that she had a sore throat so Sue says, "whenever i have a sore throat i always give my husband a blow job, swallow and the next day my sore throat is gone. you should try it!" the next day Tiffany comes in singing. "hey sounds like...
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    1 Response Apr 21, 2010

    Business Flight

      A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.  He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book...
    aqua59 aqua59
    56-60, M
    3 Responses Feb 2, 2009

    The Funniest Dirty Joke Ever!

    A little warning, this is a VERY dirty joke so prepare.   A little boy watches a potty mouth show on t.v and hears the words,  bi!ch, b.astured,  pen!s, v.agina, sh!t and f!ck. He asks his parents what these words mean and they say. B!tch - a woman b...
    Luvs2Suck Luvs2Suck
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 9, 2010

    Luck Of The Irish

    Tommy O'Toole was a blessed young man. Boyish good looks, a big strong body, a great job and a lot of money. He only had one small problem- right between his legs. Despite being a big man, he was hung like a wee lad. Walking into the gents one night when drinking at his favorite...
    bitchboy1984 bitchboy1984
    22-25, M
    1 Response Jun 10, 2011

    How Did This Happen

    How did Pinocchio find out he has a wooden ****?His hand caught fireMore on this youtube link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBG3mX70n5Q
    mobilehome mobilehome
    22-25, M
    1 Response Feb 1, 2010
    sexipl69 sexipl69
    22-25, M
    Jul 8, 2012

    Kinky Sex

    So this guy starts chatting up this chick at a bar. Next thing she says "Oh, I'm so glad I met you tonight! I was so blue.... my boyfriend just broke up with me because all I want is kinky sex night and day..." And he says "That's funny, because my girlfriend just...
    ehlamf1 ehlamf1
    31-35, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2008

    The Pickle Slicer

      Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see...
    aqua59 aqua59
    56-60, M
    2 Responses Jan 30, 2009

    Damned Internet!

    so i tried to join one of these internet dating services. ******** rejected my application straight away.apparently when asked:"what do you like in a woman?""my ****"is not an acceptable answer......................go figure :(
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    Mar 20, 2011

    Height Of....

    Height Of Technology: Condom With Zip. Height Of Confusion: Two Earthworms Making Love In A Bowl Of Noodles. Height Of Revenge: A Bastard Roaming In A Condom Factory With A Needle In His Hand Height Of Patience: A Naked Gal Lying Beneath A Banana Tree, Waiting For A Banana To...
    simplydbest simplydbest
    22-25, M
    1 Response Oct 17, 2010

    Rectum Stretcher

    While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing...
    ehlamf1 ehlamf1
    31-35, M
    3 Responses Jun 28, 2008

    Hypocrite

    Gary and mary go on their honeymoon, and gary spends six hours of their honeymoon eating Mary out. The next day they go to an italian restaurant. The spaghetti  is served and Gary starts carrying on like  pork chop.Waiter, Waiter, there is a hair in my spaghetti...
    oxytocin oxytocin
    51-55, M
    Jul 4, 2008

    Can You Guess What It Is?

    Enjoy your meal! :-) Can you guess what it is? Haha...
    sexipl69 sexipl69
    22-25, M
    Jul 30, 2012

    A Long Time Ago In A......................

    one day, a very, very long time ago, there lived a woman who didn't winge, nag, complain, get her panties in a bunch about the dumbest things or contradict herself at every turn. but it was a very long time ago and only for one day. the end
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Apr 21, 2010

    *****

    Q: What did the ***** say to the balls? A: You guys hang around here while I go inside!
    Obsidianpanther Obsidianpanther
    36-40, M
    May 30, 2013

    Voodoo ****

    This was always one of my favorites. (Copied and pasted from a website, so don't blame me for any grammar or spelling mistakes.) There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to...
    ImpromptuJill ImpromptuJill
    22-25, F
    Jul 9, 2010

    Paint Job

    Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final...
    Obsidianpanther Obsidianpanther
    36-40, M
    May 28, 2013

    Geography Of The Sexes!

    GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN.Between 18 & 22 a woman is like Africa... half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.Between 23 & 30 a woman is like America... well developed & open to trade, especially for high financed investors.Between 31 & 45 a woman is like...
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    2 Responses May 25, 2011

    Getting The Facts Right

    A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of -factually replies, "Those are called condoms, son.....Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh, I see," replied the...
    Obsidianpanther Obsidianpanther
    36-40, M
    May 28, 2013

    Women

    If a woman is uncomfortable watching you having a ****, should she; a) stop being such a prude b)get to know you better c get another seat on the bus
    oxytocin oxytocin
    51-55, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2008

    The Farmer's Glory Hole

    When I was in junior high, an area "bad boy" told me a dirty joke. Little did he know that it would stick in my subconscious and stay with me for almost 40 years. It's basically a variation on the traveling salesman and the farmer's daughter joke. It goes like this: Once there...
    studfinder studfinder
    56-60, M
    Oct 6, 2012

    Assistance Required

    a guy walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier for some viagra. the cashier says, "i need some medical proof." the guy says, "here's a photo of my wife!"
    xxRoom101xx xxRoom101xx
    41-45, M
    Oct 18, 2010

    Wal Mart

    A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart .... Nice children you've got there - are they...
    ehlamf1 ehlamf1
    31-35, M
    Jun 28, 2008

    why a blond cant count to 70?

    A. her mouth is full at 69
    netpoison netpoison
    26-30, M
    1 Response May 13, 2015

    I Love Dirty Jokes

    I have a few of them...   Not to some peoples tastes however...   Me and my mouth have gotten in trouble occasionally...   They are not for the faint of heart usually... 
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
    31-35, F
    May 1, 2010
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