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I Love Dirty Limericks

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 23 People

    Red Eye

    One night I was drunk and didn’t care With my boyfriend, I was unaware Having sex in my car Didn’t go very far Something had stopped us right there He said “There is something wrong” Then it hit me (it didn’t take long) I remembered what it was The problem’s...
    nr75 nr75
    31-35
    Jun 22, 2011

    Swedish Housewife

     There was a housewife from Sweden on her period couldn’t stop bleedin’ so she took the hoover and did a manoeuvre, and now no more tampons she’s needin’!   
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    1 Response May 16, 2009

    Pheasant Plucker

      I’m not a pheasant plucker, I’m a pheasant ******’s mate. When I’m not ******* pheasants then I have to **********. Now who’s the lucky birdy as they all queue up and wait, I try hard to grab them all before it is too late...
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    May 16, 2009

    Virgin from Quin

     There was a young virgin from Quin who didn’t know where to begin. So she borrowed a horse and rode him by force, now she has a permanent grin! 
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    1 Response May 16, 2009

    And...

    A mathematician named Hall Had a hexahedronical ball. The cube of its weight Times his ******, plus eight, Is his phone number ... give him a call.   or   A bather whose clothing was strewed By breezes which left her quite nude, Saw a man come along...
    EBunbury EBunbury
    46-50, M
    1 Response May 1, 2009

    Lady from Bath

     There was a fat lady from Bath, who took out her **** for a laugh. She soon lost her grin, they would not go back in, so she had to cut them in half! 
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    May 16, 2009

    A Young Lady From Wheeling

    There was a young lady from Wheeling who professed to lack sexual feeling But a cynic named Boris just touched her clitoris and she had to be scraped off the ceiling
    GentleMeditator GentleMeditator
    56-60, M
    May 18, 2010

    Lady from Inagh

     There was a lady from Inagh who had such a massive vagina, that she made it her goal to swallow food whole, and make it come out looking finer!
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    May 16, 2009

    How About....

    There once was a lady  named Sue, Who said when the bishop was through, The vicar is thicker, And quicker and slicker, And longer and stronger than you!
    toolman toolman
    61-65
    Apr 23, 2010

    Dog Or Mime?

    My dog really did it this time Had sex with a horny drunk mime Came out with a howl And smelling quite foul Was a cross breed called a pant-o-mime
    nr75 nr75
    31-35
    Jun 22, 2011

    Role Reversal

     Written for insincere therapists. I study Social Science to see how people tick then I visited my uncle and he made me suck his ****. So I need all the counselling that I have learned in College, and now I have experience, to go with all my knowledge...
    emmasharn emmasharn
    31-35, F
    May 16, 2009

    Oldie But Goodie

    There was a young lady from KewWho said, as the bishop withdrew,   "Oh, the Vicar is quicker   And thicker and slickerAnd four inches longer than you."
    mtvlm mtvlm
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Jul 10, 2011
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