I Love Dirty, Rude and Offensive Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 340 People

    How do you make your girlfriend scream during

    sex? Call and tell her about it.
    Sicarium Sicarium
    36-40, M
    1 Response Feb 28

    QUESTION....What do you call a black man in a

    suit? ANSWER....The Defendant.
    boatrace boatrace
    70+, M
    Oct 8, 2015

    Q. What’s the definition of trust?

    A. Two cannibals giving each other a bl@wj@b.
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    5 Responses Jan 4

    A lady goes to her doctor,

    complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I’m not sure I get what you are trying to say." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. Plus, he burned his tongue and broke his fingers!"
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    3 Responses Nov 4, 2015
    skepta skepta
    26-30, M
    Dec 31, 2015

    What comes after 69?.

    ........... mouthwash.
    ahhlex ahhlex
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Jun 27, 2015


    A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.' The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly...
    bquick bquick
    51-55, M
    5 Responses Mar 31, 2008

    Did you about the guy

    that died from a Viagra overdose? It was horrible, they couldn't close the casket.
    Sicarium Sicarium
    36-40, M
    1 Response Feb 28

    I man walks in to his house picks up the remote

    try's to turn on the tv nothing happens think what the then hears buzzzzzzzing coming from up stairs he walk in the bed room and there his wife with a huge vibrator he say bloody hell love i wish you buy your own blooming batteries instead off nicking the ones out my remote
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    Aug 22, 2015

    Man says to woman i not going to lies i not

    very big in the pant department dose size matter... Woman say honey i appreciate you honesty so I'm going to be honest with you No size doesn't matter and no size isn't every thing but in honesty it definatly helps though
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    1 Response Nov 19, 2015

    Q: What do you call the space between the vagina

    and the arsehole? A: The chinrest
    SailorsAngel SailorsAngel
    41-45, F
    Jun 14, 2014

    What did the O say to the Q?

    Dude, your ****'s hanging out...
    Sicarium Sicarium
    36-40, M
    Feb 28

    A cop saw a car weaving all over the road

    and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I am going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blew up the balloon and...
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    1 Response Jan 8

    Q: What do you call a black man performing a

    vasectomy? . A: you call him DOCTOR you fvckin' racist. Hahaha how many of you were about to call me the racist and now feel moldy because you know you thought I was telling a very different joke
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    Jul 9, 2015

    Q: What do you call an anorexic ***** with a

    yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
    Marceline01 Marceline01
    16-17, F
    Mar 18

    some times you come across things

    and even though you think WTF i seen every thing now you still cant help your self from literally ******* your self laughing
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    4 Responses Oct 3, 2015

    Misogyny Is Hilarious.....

    alright, so after reading the following, please do not email me telling me i should b ashamed.  I UNDERSTAND these joes exhibit poor taste, and coul dbe offensive to some(most).  If you are easily offended, Ii suggest you read no further..... q.What do you do after...
    happyhooker happyhooker
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Mar 21, 2007

    Two vampires walk into a bar.

    One orders a bloody Mary and the other orders a cup of hot water. The one with the bloody Mary says "only hot water tonight?" The other replies by pulling out a bloody tampon and dipping it in the water while saying "I was in the mood for tea".
    SapphicMinion SapphicMinion
    5 Responses Oct 12, 2014

    They're just jokes. It's not like a joke is

    supposed to be taken seriously.
    MisunderstoodGirl69 MisunderstoodGirl69
    13-15, F
    1 Response May 17, 2015

    What's the Difference Between a Pregnant Woman and a Lightbulb?

    This one is actually from the movie "My Blue Heaven", but I like it. What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.  
    SoMuchToSay SoMuchToSay
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Jul 6, 2008

    What do you call a couple of nuns

    and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
    Sicarium Sicarium
    36-40, M
    Jan 19

    How can you tell if a black person is well hung?

    You cant fit your fingers between their rope and his neck
    TheOfficialJesusChrist TheOfficialJesusChrist
    16-17, M
    1 Response Mar 18

    A man and a boy are walking through the woods

    when the boy notices the sun was setting ,. He spoke up and said, now that it's getting dark , I'm getting kinda scared and grabbed hold of the mans big hand. The man clutches the kids little hand in his and replies, what are you so scared of? I'm the one who has to walk out of...
    jayciedubb jayciedubb
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Jul 9, 2015

    What difference between a wife

    and a prostitute? The prostitute tell you how much it cost at the beginning a wife tells you how much its gone cost you at the end
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    2 Responses May 26, 2015

    There was a joker named Rudey sitting on a

    fence. He fell off and got dirty.
    Mossonarock Mossonarock
    41-45, M
    Nov 19, 2015

    A man is sitting alone,

    pounding back drinks at the local bar. Along comes a beautiful woman that sits down beside him. He turns to her and says "Hey, how about it? You and me, gettin' it on. I have a couple of dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What...
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    Jan 4

    Why Does Barbie Never Get Pregnant?

    Because Ken comes in a different box.
    krool1969 krool1969
    46-50, M
    4 Responses Apr 27, 2012

    Laugh... With Viagara

    At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?' 'Very good! And what is it used for?' 'It is used for a headache...
    divyeshb divyeshb
    31-35, M
    Feb 8, 2013

    How many cops does it take to push a black man

    down the stairs? None… he fell
    DannibalLecter99 DannibalLecter99
    16-17, M
    2 Responses May 11, 2015

    What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy

    boob? If we don?t get some support, people will think we?re nuts.
    Sicarium Sicarium
    36-40, M
    1 Response Jan 25

    A man walks into the kitchen with a duck

    and says to his wife, "this is the pig I've been f$&king." His wife says, "that's not a pig." He responds, "I wasn't talking to you!"
    BellaLocura BellaLocura
    46-50, F
    2 Responses Nov 12, 2015

    Dirty Jokes

    Girl:It’s 2 tightBoy:Don’t worry,I’ll do it slowly,Gal:Push it in,Boy:Ah..I can’t,Gal:It’s painful,Boy:Forget it.....We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!==============================Most interesting line writtenon the front of T-shirt of a girl,.......Excuse me !My face is...
    divyeshb divyeshb
    31-35, M
    Feb 16, 2013
    scizamps scizamps
    36-40, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2015

    Two Nuns Walk Through a Park...

    Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them. Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows...
    Erutrevo Erutrevo
    22-25, M
    7 Responses Mar 27, 2008


    GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?GIRL: Well, he kissed me.PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )GIRL: ......Yes!PSYCHIATRIST: Well...
    divyeshb divyeshb
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Feb 8, 2013

    This guys walking around in pink shirt

    and a builder shouts Oy that shirt dos it come in mens and the guy replies no but it you bent over i will
    CandiceMarieAllcoxx CandiceMarieAllcoxx
    22-25, T
    May 26, 2015
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