I Love Funny Insults

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 219 People

    What To Say....

    When you are talking to a "new person" and they seem stupid and you can't think of anything else to add to the awkward conversation, say: "I would ask how old you are, but I know you can't count that high."
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    I'm glad to see you're not letting your

    education get in the way of your ignorance.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    I worship the ground

    that awaits your corpse.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 11, 2014

    Your mind isn't so much twisted

    as badly sprained.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    When You Burped

    You're so fat when you burped you blew the world away.
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 25, 2013
    AReadingWriter AReadingWriter
    13-15, F
    Feb 18

    You Look Like An Ape

    "We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough"
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    TV talk show host Joe Pyne was a decorated WWII

    hero who lost his leg in battle. He had a wooden leg. Musician Frank Zappa was a guest on his show when Frank was wearing long hair. The following conversation took place: Joe Pyne: "So I guess your long hair makes you a woman." Frank Zappa: "So I guess your wooden leg makes...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Apr 1, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    Big Ears

    Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    Where can you drown a hipster?

    Take them to the mainstream!!
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Sep 12, 2014

    If what you don't know can't hurt you,

    she's practically invulnerable.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    I'd like to give you a going-away present.

    ....First, you do your part.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 11, 2014

    “I’d say go to hell,

    but I never want to see you again.”
    MrSquishy MrSquishy
    41-45, M
    1 Response Apr 20, 2015

    In The City...

    (overheard in a Castro eatery:)Man 1#: He's an absolute treasure, my new friend !Man2#: Yes, I've seen him, with his sunken chest ! Where'd you dig him up ?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 26, 2013

    Stinky Breath

    Your breath stinks so bad that it destroyed half the ozone layer.
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 29, 2013

    Hindi Insult Of The Day

    Some of the all time greatest insults come from the Indian subcontinent. I'll try to share them with you, now and then. Here is today's Hindi Insult: "chipkali key gaand key pasinay may talle huya ande..." Translation: "you are like an egg fried in the sweat of a lizard's...
    WoobieTuesday WoobieTuesday
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Mar 15, 2011

    How To Tell If Your Mommy Is Fat

    Your momma so fat, when she went to a doctor, she stepped on a scale and the doctor said Hey, thats my phone number
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    1 Response Sep 24, 2013

    Fat Mommies

    "Your mamma so fat she has to wear 2 watches because she covers two time zones"
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    The Dude Girl

    Dude stop acting like a girl. My bad, forgot you are one!
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Sep 24, 2013

    The Pig And The Elephant

    You look as if a pig and a elephant got married, and you're their offspring.
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    I will defend, to your death,

    my right to my opinion.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    Ordinarily people live

    and learn, but you, you just live.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    Idiot

    Are you always an idiot or just when I'm around?
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 29, 2013

    Instead Of Saying "You're Ugly"

    "Is that your face? Or did your neck just throw up?"
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    I love funny insults,

    if you don't try to take them to seriously you'll have a fun time.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jun 17, 2015

    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    " Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!" Funeral is Tomorrow
    wintersecret wintersecret
    36-40, M
    1 Response Nov 18, 2015

    Getting Fired

    You're so stupid you got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the w's
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    Hey Moron (Or Persons Name)

    Did your mama have any kids that lived?
    SpiceZ SpiceZ
    56-60, F
    Sep 26, 2013

    What Happened To Your House?

    Your house; what happend to it? Was there a stampede of crapping zebras through this dump?
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 25, 2013

    John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich: "Sir,

    I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox." John Wilkes:"That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship's principles or your mistress."
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Apr 1, 2014

    Cut Off That Ugly Fat

    Question: How could a person like you lose 50 pounds of ugly fat in 1 second? Answer: By cutting off your head!
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    Dumb As An Ant

    If you were a million times smarter you would be dumber than an ant
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 26, 2013
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 11, 2014

    I hear you changed your mind at last!

    What did you do with the diaper?
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Mar 11, 2014

    The Ugly Super Model

    You're so ugly you make the second ugliest person in the world look like a super model
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    **Caution Strong Language** https://www.

    youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8
    AlwaysPersevere71 AlwaysPersevere71
    41-45, M
    Jul 3, 2014

    I'm impressed; I've never met

    such a small mind inside such a big head before.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    Your Parents Are Wrong

    Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example
    NarutoShippudenFanGirl NarutoShippudenFanGirl
    16-17, F
    Sep 24, 2013

    When I look into your eyes,

    I see straight through to the back of your head.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 11, 2014

    The 30th President of the United States,

    Calvin Coolidge, was not nicknamed 'Silent Cal' for nothing. He was well known for being a man of few words. Whilst seated at a dinner party next to poet and satirist Dorothy Parker, Parker said to him, "Mr. Coolidge, I've made a bet against a fellow who said it was impossible...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Apr 1, 2014
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