A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
- David Brenner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
- Rita Rudner
Plan A - If Plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep Calm. ~ unknown
Alternate To Second Marriage!! - "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
- Rod Stewart
Paper Cut: A tree's one glorious moment of revenge.....
Listen to this:
"Treat me like a joke, and I'll leave you like its funny."
Lol that's pretty funny....
Normally I'm quoting stupid movies like mean girls and step brothers but lately I've been quoting Kevin Hart and I think I have a problem. Like I'll randomly yell 'she wasn't ready...
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers
Which Lasted For A Few Seconds - I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
"Stand up for what YOU believe in, EVEN if it means standing alone." -Andrew Dennis Biersack <3
My mom told me i could be anything i wanted...so i became an *******
Five Pearls Of Scottish Wisdom - 1. Money can't buy happiness but somehow, it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy but...
Compliment Vs Argument - "You the bomb". "No you the bomb". Kind gesture in America, argument in the Middle East.
Funny Quotes..... - Sorry guys no funny story just quotes enjoy :D.
1.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the...
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think its cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick. - unknown
"Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep." -Fran Lebowitz
Wifi - I use to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their wifi.
"I found out you can make Baked Alaska right here in Florida." - Rose
"That's nothing. Mars Bars are made right here on Earth." - Dorothy
- Golden Girls
Makepeace And Dempsey - I don't remember in which episode. I do remember the scene pretty well.Dempsey and Makepeace meet a source in a bar. And, in short, the guy asks Dempsey if...
From an episode of Jessie on Disney:
Ravi: What is AM radio?
Zuri: A radio you can only listen to in the morning. Duh!
"That's for me to know and you to never find out."
Chuck Norris - LOL - "Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn't dead its just afraid to move."
Dr. Bailey: do you honestly believe I care?
Dr. Bailey: good maybe your not as stupid as I thought
Nascar - Is it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"
First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. Leo Rosenberg
Can you fly bobby???????????????????????????
I'm More Frustrated Than... - I'm more frustrated than an Ethiopian with no legs watching a donut roll down a hill. ~ Larry the Cable Guy
2 Scully Ones - Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine.
Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours
Grammar - Grammar.The difference between knowing your **** and knowing you're ****.
Car Phones: - This quote is from The Andy Griffith Show and this episode first aired in 1964. -
"I keep telling you we need a telephone in our car. When are we gonna get more...
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three...
"I don't know what's more awkward: Answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you..."
Sadly my daydreams of being skinny are interrupted by the sound of me chewing
Quote #273 Funny Quotes By Dilbert. -
“There’s more than one way to peel a cat.”
“That woman uses olive oil like it grows on trees.”
“He’d give you the arm off...
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
- Fred Allen
Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder - You might have a million dollar body, but you got a food stamp face!
"I'm not an irresponsible little girl who keeps poking her nose into trouble. I am a responsible woman who keeps poking her nose into trouble."
"Stu is not my boyfriend", Amy adamantly states.
"I'm sorry. Maybe boyfriend is too strong a word", Maxine comments. "What do you call someone with whom you are naked a lot of the...
Reservations to a great restaurant $275
That beautiful Mercedes Benz rental $200
A nice gift $150
Reservations to a five start hotel $450
A box rubbers $37.87c
Find out that she...
Sooo True!! - I'm multi-talented... I can talk and p iss you off at the same time!
Left And Right - OMG,I have finally
Wrong with my brain:
on the left side,
and on the right
side there's nothing
Snappy Comeback - Sir Winston Churchill was a prodigious drinker. At a prestigious party he had had one too many and was approached by an aristocratic woman. "You, Mr. Prime...
Early Bird - The early bird may get the worm but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.
Taylor Swift has more break ups than a kit-kat bar does:)
I'm just going to post this. So it was a rainy day, and a max just happen to stop at the same time tailgating happened. What was really interesting, was when I saw this orange...
Life is short, break the rules , forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truely, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.
I'll share two quotes that really caught my eye...I've been wanting to share for a while now now anyway ;}D Yes I did mean to make a typo ^_^
Brain: o_O Just get on with it -_-'
I love Albert Einstein quotes and this is my favorite of his!
This is true, I have tons of them saved on my computer, plus the ones that I pin or save to my online file saver. I am an organized hoarder lol. I say this because I collect...
"I took what I wanted, put my heart on a shelf. But how can you love, when you don't love yourself?"
Social Distortion - I Was Wrong
"Don't give up, don't give up on our love story. When you can't go on.
Don't give up, don't give up, always dark before the morning. When you can't go on.
You'll be a brave heart...