Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder - You might have a million dollar body, but you got a food stamp face!
tonyexperience 1 Jul 18
2 Scully Ones - Mulder: Whatever tape you found in that VCR, it isn't mine. Scully: Good, because I put it back in that drawer with all those other videos that aren't yours To Morris Fletcher (as Mulder):Baby me, and you'll be peeing in a catheter. We've got the same kind of...
YourScully 1 Response 0 Sep 9
My Quote Of Today - So Fed Up - So Take That - He blows goats. I have proof. Wayne Campbell.
YourScully 0 Sep 4
Chuck Norris - LOL - "Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn't dead its just afraid to move."
voodoovalkyrie 2 Responses 0 Aug 1
Which Lasted For A Few Seconds - I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. —Woody Allen
ladyryan 4 Responses 8 Jan 10
Five Pearls Of Scottish Wisdom - 1. Money can't buy happiness but somehow, it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy but remember that bastard's name.3. Help a man when he's in trouble and he will remember you when he is in...
rayma97 1 Feb 12, 2012
Running - The worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping.
tonyexperience 0 Jul 17
Quote For April 3rd 2011 - You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!
deleted 1 Response 0 Apr 3, 2011
Funny Quotes..... - Sorry guys no funny story just quotes enjoy :D. 1.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling 2.The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better...
theangelDean 4 Responses 1 Oct 8, 2011
George........ - " **** out of luck and jolly well ****** !"
gosling28 1 Dec 9, 2012
Good Advice From An Old Farmer - Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. Words that soak into your ears...
RupertPenjab 1 Jul 22
Alternate To Second Marriage!! - "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." - Rod Stewart
SimpleParadox 1 Response 1 May 26, 2012
Early Bird - The early bird may get the worm but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.
SirLaughalots 1 Response 0 Jul 26
Plan A - If Plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep Calm. ~ unknown
CopperBlaze 2 Responses 1 Jul 7
Doing Nothing - “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.”– Leslie Nielsen
SimpleParadox 1 May 27, 2012
Cleaning - Men and women have different ways of cleaning a toilet. Women use bleach and rinse twice.We man just pee on the poop stains as hard as we can.
tonyexperience 0 Jul 18
Compliment Vs Argument - "You the bomb". "No you the bomb". Kind gesture in America, argument in the Middle East.
SirLaughalots 1 Response 2 Aug 8
Wifi - I use to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their wifi.
DreamerGirl27 1 Nov 6
Nascar - Is it called NASCAR because that's the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car?"
tonyexperience 1 Response 2 Jul 17
Funny Quotes From My Favorite Singers - "I learnt a lot in school. No, seriously, that's where I learned how to knock b*tches out." - Maria Mena "I got my puberty well documented in the Norwegian press." - Marit Larsen RJ: So, Marit, you're from Norway, aren't you? Marit: Yes...
righteouschica 0 Oct 26, 2012
Left And Right - OMG,I have finally Discovered what's Wrong with my brain: on the left side, there's nothing right ! and on the right side there's nothing left!
bestmoments 2 Responses 2 Jul 9
Car Phones: - This quote is from The Andy Griffith Show and this episode first aired in 1964. - "I keep telling you we need a telephone in our car. When are we gonna get more modern?"
blossomingbeauti 0 3 days ago
Paper Cut: A tree's one glorious moment of revenge.....
TheStoryman 3 Responses 2 1 day ago
"Im Not Happy, But Tired Of Being Miserable" - i like using this when im tired or stressed
sunshine571 0 May 6
Grammar - Grammar.The difference between knowing your **** and knowing you're ****.
cheleshere 1 Response 2 May 6
I'm More Frustrated Than... - I'm more frustrated than an Ethiopian with no legs watching a donut roll down a hill. ~ Larry the Cable Guy
SirLaughalots 1 Jul 13
Facts Of Modern Life.. - 1."Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." 2."Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." 3."The Evening news is where they...
Daydreamz 0 Apr 11, 2012
Makepeace And Dempsey - I don't remember in which episode. I do remember the scene pretty well.Dempsey and Makepeace meet a source in a bar. And, in short, the guy asks Dempsey if she's with him. I suppose she doesn't like to be talked to in the thrid person either. So she says...
YourScully 2 Responses 1 Sep 8
Ahaha! - This is a funny on I found on facebook xD "***** please I can wipe off 90% of your so called beauty with a Kleenex."
Tatteredheart 0 Jul 10, 2012
Sooo True!! - I'm multi-talented... I can talk and p iss you off at the same time!
deleted 2 Responses 1 Apr 5, 2011
Snappy Comeback - Sir Winston Churchill was a prodigious drinker. At a prestigious party he had had one too many and was approached by an aristocratic woman. "You, Mr. Prime Minister, are drunk". Churchill's response? "And you, madam, are ugly. Tomorrow I shall be sober."
menelaeus 0 Oct 27
Quote #273 Funny Quotes By Dilbert. - “There’s more than one way to peel a cat.” “That woman uses olive oil like it grows on trees.” “He’d give you the arm off his back.” “You play ball with me and I’ll scratch yours.” “We do not have a smoking...
Serenitree 1 Nov 12, 2011
Aging - First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down. Leo Rosenberg
cheleshere 1 Response 1 May 6
Love - You're the kind of mystery I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life trying to unravel. It would be an honor to have my heart broken by you.
rosielike 0 Nov 8
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” ― William Shakespeare,
lanamm 1 3 days ago
to love is to destroy . ~ the mortal instruments city of bones ➰
blacksunflower 0 2 days ago
George Kaufman, 1930s Theatre Critic: - "I saw this play under unfortunate circumstances. The curtain was up."
menelaeus 0 Nov 7
Snappy Comeback: - The playwright Tennessee Williams was sitting on a balcony in Rome with a female friend when a cadaverously thin woman walked by on the sidewalk below. Williams friend said, "now THAT'S anorexia nervosa, to which Williams replied, "oh, my dear, you know...
menelaeus 0 Nov 7
Lily Tomlin - The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin
jml2000 1 Response 2 Nov 6
Jim Rohn - Everyone must choose one of two pains: The pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Jim Rohn
jml2000 1 Response 3 Nov 7
Inspiration... - People need someone to see them better than they are. To believe in them when they don't believe in themselves. I want to be that person for people. I want people to believe they can achieve anything they want in life. Anything is possible.
freesoul22 2 Nov 11
Dorothy Parker - The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. Dorothy Parker
jml2000 2 Nov 14
Solid Snake - For those of you who don't know solid snake Is a fictional video game character who kicks a lot of *** and says really inspirational things that inspire me to do things in life, he would say things like, "Find something to believe in and find it for yourself, when...
noblenomad28 1 Response 1 Nov 16
Intellectual Curiosity - A well-furnished mind is as rare as a well-lived life. Ones should not confine oneself to one's daily chores only. One should feel the inner joy of the mind searching for knowledge. It is advisable for students to develop the-habit of reading at least a...
huangzichen 1 Response 0 Nov 16
Robert Caspar Lintner - Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day. Robert Caspar Lintner
jml2000 0 Nov 18
Choices - "We all make choices. Who we are in this world, what we do in it. Generous or selfish. Happy or sad. Good or evil. It's all down the choice." - Hunter (Anthony Horowitz, Russian Roulette)
tigerlily1994 0 Nov 20
Little Things Can Make A Difference - "Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart." Zig Ziglar
greeneyedlady72 3 Responses 3 Nov 21
Fear - "Expose yourself ultimate your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power." - Jim Morrison
tigerlily1994 1 Response 0 Nov 21
Destiny - "Ones destiny is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller
tigerlily1994 0 Nov 21
Cicero - A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. Cicero
jml2000 1 Nov 22
Ernest Hemingway - “Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.” ― Ernest Hemingway
jml2000 1 Response 1 Nov 22
On Happiness - "When one door to happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." Helen Keller
michael1971 1 Response 1 Nov 23
John Maxwell: Self Improvement 101 - The best way to ensure success is to start growing today. No matter where you may be starting from, don't be discouraged; everyone who got where he is started where he was.
huangzichen 0 Nov 23
Self-improvement 101 - By John Maxwell Some people like to dabble. The problem with dabbling is that you never really become great at anything. True, when you are young, you should try out new things--see where your strengths and interests lie. But the older you are, the more...
huangzichen 1 Response 1 Nov 23
A Quote Of Mine - I have never had many true friends but the ones I do have a crazy as hell so I came up with a quote to help anybody else go through life more easily " To survive all of life you have to find somebody crazier to help you along the way."
WeirdlingsUnite 1 Response 1 Nov 24
Remember Me - Someone comes into your life and half of you says, 'You're nowhere near ready.' And the other half says, 'Make her yours forever'.
undecided1129 0 Nov 24
When I stare into the mirror, What is it I see? I see my own reflection Staring back at me. But then I look deep within, The mirror of my soul. I see my present and my past, And what the future holds. I see myself as what I am, And what I could've been. I see the shadow side of...
PerfectionDoesntExist 1 Response 0 4 days ago
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” ~ John Wooden
mylifechanges 3 4 days ago
Mark Twain - If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. Mark Twain
jml2000 1 Response 1 3 days ago