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I Love Funny Quotes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,949 People

    if you love someone set them free.

    I'd they come back to you nobody else wanted them.
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    I hate it when people see me at the supermarket

    and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' --- Anonymous
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 6, 2014

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    Life is like a roll of toilet paper,

    your either on a roll or taking **** from some *******.
    IAmARebel IAmARebel 13-15, F 2 Responses Oct 19, 2014

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    Lol, this happens almost everyday.

    All I can say is "okay, why care? My voice is worse than that problem! Move on!!!!!" Lmao xD
    QuInieFox QuInieFox 22-25, F Jun 19

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    miaici miaici 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 19

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    When my grampa gets hurt

    and someone asks if he's ok he always says "It's just old age, I'll get over it."
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    SloaneJ SloaneJ 16-17, F 2 Responses Apr 19

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    Be ******* polite It's short.

    But it makes the point.
    jacquelinejones jacquelinejones 46-50 Jun 16

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    Smurfberry24 Smurfberry24 13-15, F 2 Responses May 14

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    The trick is to not let people know how really

    weird you are until it's too late for them to back out. Lol :)
    Daydreaming2 Daydreaming2 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 26

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    Miki828 Miki828 16-17, M Jun 17

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    "Ching Chang chong" -Ryan Higa (He

    actually said this but the video has been taken down)
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F 1 day ago

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    That moment when you talk to yourself

    and start smiling like an idiot because you are just so hilarious!
    MendyNL MendyNL 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 19, 2014

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    a bargain is something you don't need at a

    price you can't resist Franklin Jones
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    I saw this on a sign in a store today: A

    nervous man is a man who has a mortgage payment, car payment, alimony payment, wife, and girlfriend that are all a month late.
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 4 Responses Apr 18

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    Unicentrism Unicentrism 26-30, M 1 Response Jun 21

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    QuInieFox QuInieFox 22-25, F Jun 19

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    "Get your facts first,

    then you can distort them as you please." -Mark Twain
    Maxvelocity15 Maxvelocity15 13-15, M 2 Responses Jun 18

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    MSeigler MSeigler 26-30, M Apr 20, 2014

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    Don't you just love when your crush texts you

    cute things like: 'Who is this?' and 'How did you get my number?'
    SloaneJ SloaneJ 16-17, F 1 Response May 11

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    I dig, you dig, We dig,

    he dig, they dig…. It is not a a beautiful poem but it’s very deep.
    lloyds123 lloyds123 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 14, 2014

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    High up above, aliens hover,

    making home movies for folks back home, Of all these weird creatures, who lock up their spirits, drill holes on themselves and live for their secrets... ~ Thom Yorke of Radiohead
    Human4 Human4 16-17, M Jun 17

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    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 2 days ago

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    people say nothing is impossible

    but I do nothing every day ;-) Winnie-the-Pooh (my hero)
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    You know the world is going crazy

    when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush...
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 26-30, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    DamoLFC96 DamoLFC96 41-45, M Jun 17

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    a woman's mind is cleaner

    than a man's: she changes it more often Oliver Henford
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 20

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    miru1 miru1 26-30, F Jun 17

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    Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial

    killer.” Ellen DeGeneres
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 26-30, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    always borrow money from a pessimist.

    he won't expect it back! Oscar Wilde
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 3 Responses Jun 17

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    this one made even me laugh: Everyone should

    be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” Lemony Snicket
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 26-30, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Which Lasted For A Few Seconds

    I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. —Woody Allen
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

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    Kids in the back seat,

    Cause accidents Accidents in the back seat, Cause kids.
    vadesigner vadesigner 46-50, M 1 Response Jun 10, 2014

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    Starbucks is cheap,,,

    , compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup! LOL! LOL! :)
    enchantedISLANDgirl enchantedISLANDgirl 36-40, F 4 Responses May 21, 2014

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    michaeln41 michaeln41 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 27, 2014

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    id like to dance with you till the cows came

    home ...second thoughts id like to dance with the cows till you come home groucho marx
    DamoLFC96 DamoLFC96 41-45, M 1 Response Jun 17

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    IF "Plan A"Didn't Work.

    The alphabet has25 more letters!Stay Cool.
    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    TheStoryman TheStoryman 36-40, M 4 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    Anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has

    obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
    exitstageleft exitstageleft 41-45, M 3 Responses Jul 14, 2014

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    LocketRainbow LocketRainbow 16-17, F Apr 11, 2014

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    lucy6501 lucy6501 13-15 Jun 17

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    You have to stay in shape.

    My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 7, 2014

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    hadiijawaid hadiijawaid 26-30, M 3 Responses Jun 5, 2014

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    "Sometimes me think: 'What is friend?

    '" And then me say: "Friend is someone to share the last cookie with." -Cookie Monster
    MendyNL MendyNL 18-21, F Oct 19, 2014

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    "The truth will set you free.

    ..but first it will **** you off" This is just so true😂😂
    stacy0508 stacy0508 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 6, 2014

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    Hey! Remember that time I said we could be

    friends? well I thought better of it and go **** yourself.
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    It's not true that I had nothing on.

    I had the radio on.” Marilyn Monroe
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 26-30, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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