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I Love Funny Quotes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,056 People

    Anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has

    obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
    exitstageleft exitstageleft 41-45, M 3 Responses Jul 14, 2014

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    michaeln41 michaeln41 41-45, M Oct 27, 2014

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    The greatest pleasure in life is doing

    something what people say you can't. Unknown And afterwards keeping quite and smile: me
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F Aug 20

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    I don't have a bad handwriting,

    I have my own font. :))
    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 4

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    "Sometimes me think: 'What is friend?

    '" And then me say: "Friend is someone to share the last cookie with." -Cookie Monster
    MendyNL MendyNL 18-21, F Oct 19, 2014

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    Crazy is as crazy does.

    ..stupid is as stupid does.
    MsAnnieMack MsAnnieMack 46-50, F 1 Response Aug 7

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    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 25

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    " I only talk to myself

    when I need an expert opinion ! " is on a sign over my Dad's workbench.
    LionInWait LionInWait 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 2

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    I dig, you dig, We dig,

    he dig, they dig…. It is not a a beautiful poem but it’s very deep.
    lloyds123 lloyds123 46-50, M 1 Response Aug 14, 2014

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    MSeigler MSeigler 26-30, M Apr 20, 2014

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    attcia attcia 13-15, F 3 Responses Sep 28, 2014

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    You love flowers, but you cut them.

    You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared.
    Holman27 Holman27 31-35, M 1 Response May 26

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    I got so excited spring is coming,

    that I wet my plants!
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 3 Responses Mar 3

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    You know the world is going crazy

    when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush...
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 2 Responses Jun 29

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    "If we work together,

    there's nothing we can't do", says Dez to his girlfriend. "Really? Can you teach me how to fly?" she excitedly asks him. "Okay, there's one thing we can't do" - Austin And Ally
    loveismyfriend loveismyfriend 36-40, F Jul 31

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    miru1 miru1 26-30, F Jul 3

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    When my grampa gets hurt

    and someone asks if he's ok he always says "It's just old age, I'll get over it."
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F Jul 3

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    :)

    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 1 Response Jul 14

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    hadiijawaid hadiijawaid 26-30, M 3 Responses Jun 5, 2014

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    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 19

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    always borrow money from a pessimist.

    he won't expect it back! Oscar Wilde
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 3 Responses Jun 17

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    Starbucks is cheap,,,

    , compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup! LOL! LOL! :)
    enchantedISLANDgirl enchantedISLANDgirl 36-40, F 3 Responses May 21, 2014

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    It's not true that I had nothing on.

    I had the radio on.” Marilyn Monroe
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 1 Response Jun 29

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    Kids in the back seat,

    Cause accidents Accidents in the back seat, Cause kids.
    vadesigner vadesigner 46-50, M 1 Response Jun 10, 2014

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    "Listen, smile, agree.

    Then do whatever the **** you were going to do anyway." -Robert Downey jr
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F Jul 13

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    I saw this on a sign in a store today: A

    nervous man is a man who has a mortgage payment, car payment, alimony payment, wife, and girlfriend that are all a month late.
    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 4 Responses Apr 18

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    "Ching Chang chong" -Ryan Higa (He

    actually said this but the video has been taken down)
    Firechiic Firechiic 16-17, F Jul 3

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    Coffeeology Espresso yourself Better latte

    than never Take life one cup at a time So many blends , so little time Friends , don't let friends drink bad coffee Take time to smell the coffee Deja brew : the feeling you had this coffee before......
    Spirituall Spirituall 36-40, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Of course women don't work

    as hard as men do. They get it right the first time.
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 3 Responses Aug 12

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    Learn a lesson from your dog - No matter what

    life brings you, kick some grass over that **** and move on
    Greeneyedgirl276 Greeneyedgirl276 36-40, F Jul 13

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    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 2 Responses Aug 20

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    Smurfberry24 Smurfberry24 13-15, F 2 Responses May 14

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    The trick is to not let people know how really

    weird you are until it's too late for them to back out. Lol :)
    Daydreaming2 Daydreaming2 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 26

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    You know that tingly little feeling you get

    when you like someone?? Yes, it's the common sense leaving your body.
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 1 Response Aug 12

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    I saw this in the bible.

    it kinda amused me,.... Proverbs 28:22: Though you grind a fool in a mortar, grinding them like grain with a pestle, you will not remove their folly from them. sometimes i wonder about that term ''fools''
    Lifejournal Lifejournal 16-17, F 16 hrs ago

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    You have to stay in shape.

    My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 7, 2014

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    this one made even me laugh: Everyone should

    be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” Lemony Snicket
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 3 Responses Jun 29

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    I read recipes the same way I read science

    fiction. I get to the end and I think, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”
    miru1 miru1 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 4

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    people say nothing is impossible

    but I do nothing every day ;-) Winnie-the-Pooh (my hero)
    miaici miaici 36-40, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    Liftofferik Liftofferik 26-30, M 2 Responses Aug 8

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    I hate it when people see me at the supermarket

    and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' --- Anonymous
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 6, 2014

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    "I'm not playing with

    that eight-year-old bag of flesh!" responds Judy, who is extremely grossed out at the very idea of being neighborly with her human age-related neighbor. "As a sixteen-year-old bag of flesh, I find that a tad offensive!" responds K.C., her human sister. - K.C. Undercover (A...
    loveismyfriend loveismyfriend 36-40, F Aug 23

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    TheStoryman TheStoryman 36-40, M 4 Responses Dec 4, 2013

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    A good friend is like a bra :hard to find ,

    comfortable ,supporter ,it keeps you tight and always it's close to your heart . :))
    Narkotyk Narkotyk 22-25, F Aug 9

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    I will slap you so hard that

    even goggle won't be able to find you.
    Tiffany94 Tiffany94 51-55, F 3 Responses Aug 2

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    "The truth will set you free.

    ..but first it will **** you off" This is just so true😂😂
    stacy0508 stacy0508 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 6, 2014

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