I've only got my shelf to blame.
My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres.
When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
- Elaine Boosler
"You the bomb". "No you the bomb". Kind gesture in America, argument in the Middle East.
where pizza gets to your house before the police.
..but first it will **** you off"
This is just so true😂😂
'" And then me say: "Friend is someone to share the last cookie with." -Cookie Monster
Just like everyone else.
, compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup!
LOL! LOL! :)
When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.
Other times I just let her sleep.
Bed: But baby, it's cold outside!
that money can't make me happy.
well that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl - dr. Seuss
But wine helps too
Laziness pays off now.
and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
cookies are the reason I have trust issues.
your either on a roll or taking **** from some *******.
Finally I said "lady, take your purse"
until a poster falls down in the middle of the night
and when someone breaks our wings we continue to fly...on a broomstick...we are flexible like that
when I came across a sandwich board which read "Adults are just big kids with money"
I thought how true ..It did make smile :)
Cut those suckers up and find some tequila.
but I still see them at the beach... it ****** me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
- Steven Wright
Sorry guys no funny story just quotes enjoy :D.
1.Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling
2.The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think...
Like eating a burrito before sex." - Baldwin on 30 Rock
Bouchard: I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... or I'll put you back in the box.
Barnabas Collins: I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may...
"GOKU" there is nothing stronger than GOKU
**** Sherlock. First name, No." - Cell
Accidents in the back seat,
and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
and start smiling like an idiot because you are just so hilarious!
Close to the heart & always there for support! :)
It is not a a beautiful poem but it’s very deep.
that "Sex after sixty is like shooting pool with a rope." Lol...God rest his merry soul.