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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 38,159 People

    An American Indian boy goes to his mother one

    day with a puzzled look on his face. “Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?” “Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.” “Why is my sister named Cornflower?” “Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her." "And why is my other sister...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    How many Freudian analysts does it take to

    change a lightbulb? Two. One to change it, the other to hold the penis. LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!
    FuSoYa FuSoYa 18-21, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    Why are hurricanes named

    after women? Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car. :D
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 47 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 150 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    CURRYXBLAZE CURRYXBLAZE 18-21, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 64 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy

    when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby. "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother. "And why not?" asks Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?" Stan says nothing. The brother grows impatient, "C...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 76 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Poor people have it. Rich people need it.

    If you eat it you die. What is it?
    howlingtiger howlingtiger 16-17, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    What's the name of that Irish guy

    who stays out all night? Paddy O'Furniture...
    zyffdog zyffdog 56-60, M 1 day ago

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    A rancher, while riding his horse,

    was checking his fences. He came upon an old lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie thanked him, and told him he could have one wish granted. The rancher thought about it...
    jopava jopava 51-55, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had

    the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce perfect children. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. In his search, he met a farmer who had three stunning daughters that positively took his breath away. So he...
    IM5688 IM5688 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 55 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    a little boy walks around the neighborhood with

    his little red wagon like he always does, he picks up dog droppings for the neighborhood. one day he decides he wanted to make statues with the droppings of important people he saw go by. he first saw a postman, so he makes a statue out of the droppings of the postman. next he...
    Kalsero Kalsero 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Daily Joke 10-31-2006

    I start with a 'safe' joke about a blonde girl... (he thats me ;-) ) A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Oct 31, 2006

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    When You are in Love WONDERS HAPPEN,

    But when you get Married, you WONDER WHAT HAPPENED? :-O ;-D
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Everyday after work, the gentleman would stop

    at the local bar for a drink to relax before going home. He'd always ordered a single. One day, he started ordering 2 drinks ( singles ). The bartender was curious as to why he ordered 2 singles instead of 1 double, which would be a little cheaper. The gentleman explained...
    jopava jopava 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 51 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    There are three blondes

    who are on a road trip. As they are driving through the desert, their car breaks down. They have no phone to call anyone, so they decide to walk to the nearest city, several miles away. They each decide to take one thing to make the journey better. The first blonde takes the...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Girl: How do I look? Boy: tan c/sin c Girl: Huh?

    Boy: tan c/sinc c =(sin c/cos c)/sin c =1/cos c =sec c! :D
    FuSoYa FuSoYa 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 29 Responses 6 days ago

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    A kid went to the police to report about his

    lost bicycle this morning... KID: My new bicycle has been stolen! POLICE: When did you notice? KID: This morning. POLICE: Do you have a suspect? KID: Yes, my mum and dad. POLICE: Why do you suspect them? KID: Yesterday at midnight, I heard mum say, "Make it stand so I can sit on...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the

    pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he...
    IM5688 IM5688 56-60, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Everyone was seated around the table

    as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away. “Jonny, wait until we’ve said our prayer,” his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to.” – the little boy replied. “Of course you do.” – his mother insisted...
    MysticTraveler MysticTraveler 51-55, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 34 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    There is a light at the end of every tunnel,

    just pray it's not a train.
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Positive Attitude Late in the night he

    regained consciousness… He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital’s ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    A police officer pulls over a driver

    and informs him that he has just won $5000 in a safety competition all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, ''I guess I'll go to a driving school and get my license.'' His wife says, "Officer...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    A Boy thought of committing suicide.

    He drank Poison, but his Father saved him. He tried to hang himself, but his Mother saved him. He met with an accident, Doctor saved him. He jumped into a Well, the Villagers saved him. At last, after getting tired of committing suicide, he got Married, and then No One...
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 97 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 70 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 32 Responses May 10, 2011

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Isn't it strange that we,

    as men, spend the first nine months of our lives trying to get out of the womb, and the rest of our lives trying to get right back in.
    jopava jopava 51-55, M 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    A high school boy shows up to class late with

    his shirt backwards and inside out, the teacher asks him "why were you late?" The boy replies "I was in cherry hill." The next day a different boy comes to class late and the teacher asks him "why were you late?" The boy answers "I was in cherry hill." The third day a girl comes...
    Faiithh Faiithh 16-17, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Student: "Should I get in trouble

    for something I didn't do?" Teacher: "No." Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A bus full of ugly people had a head on

    collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    friendjazzy friendjazzy 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 64 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 17 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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