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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40,350 People

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    riddle there were 8 cats in a boat.

    One cat jumped out of the boat, after the one cat jumped out of the boat, there 0 cats in the boat. How could that be?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 10 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    You have to love this lawyer.

    ....... A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    A homeless man was walking aimlessly around the

    city looking for food scraps when he caught the sorting smell of a barbeque nearby. He wondered toward the smell and came to an opening where a crowd had gathered by the river having a barbeque and were being baptised. He asked someone how he could get some of the food on offer...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Have you ever expected something can happen

    like that? Boss to secretary:- We are going to London for a week inform your husband. Secretary to her husband:- Boss and I are going to Abroad for business purpose for a week and this is important to my career. Husband to his girlfriend:-Darling my wife is going to abroad for...
    ExUser007 ExUser007 18-21, F 3 Responses 23 hrs ago

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    Tim was a thirty year old

    and still living at home with mum and dad. One day while Tim was having a **** his father walked in and caught him in the act. Ashamed about his son he bought him a plane ticket to Asia and told him not to come home until he has found himself a nice little wife for himself so he...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    I was with my girl last night

    and I couldn't find the blindfold, so I pepper sprayed her.
    Legionicula Legionicula 36-40, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    Can you name three consecutive days without

    using Monday Tuesday Wednesday Friday Saturday Sunday?
    holloway64 holloway64 46-50, M 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 152 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    If Kevin Bacon gets Ebola,

    how long until I get it?
    Uncleleo Uncleleo 56-60, M 1 Response 22 hrs ago

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    Confessional I went into the confessional box

    after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates Then...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    PRESBYTERIAN:  When you rearrange the

    letters: BEST IN PRAYER   ASTRONOMER:  When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER   DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT   THE EYES:  When you rearrange the letters:  THEY SEE   GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters:  HE BUGS GORE...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response 1 hr ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    A man walks into a pub looking very distressed.

    He walks up to the bar orders a beer and mutters to himself." There's gonna be trouble, there's gonna be trouble." The barmen pours him a beer he drinks it down and orders another still muttering to himself." There's gonna be trouble, there's gonna be trouble." He drinks...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 50 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 63 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 19 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    Baptism.... Before performing a baptism,

    the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    "Doctor Doctor, I keep forgetting what I have

    just said" "So when did this problem occur?" "What problem?"
    T3chmupp3t T3chmupp3t 18-21, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    What is the similarity between bungy jumping

    and getting a blow job off a granny? They both feel great, just don't look down.
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 81 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    A man walked into a pub one day

    and saw a large jar full of money on the counter. He then asked the barmen what it was for and he replied." if anyone could make the donkey out the back of the pub laugh it was all there's." The man said "yep I'm your man I'll give it a go." He proceeded outside and within...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Three men sitting at the bar of their local pub

    were all feeling a bit low when one decided to say. "I think my wife is cheating on me with a plumber" The other two said" that's a shame mate, how do you know?" "Well I came home last night and found some PVC pipes under the bed" " sorry to hear that. I'll buy you a drink to...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 66 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 35 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work

    and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Riddle The Smith family is a very wealthy

    family that lives in a big, circular home. One morning, Mr. Smith woke up and saw a strawberry jam stain on his new carpet. He figured out that everyone who was there that morning had a jam sandwich. By reading the following excuses, figure out who spilled the jam. Billy Smith...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 15 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    riddle: What occurs

    once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 9 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    A family is at the dinner table.

    The son asks the father, ?Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?? The father, surprised, answers, ?Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman?s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit...
    Dani3lJD Dani3lJD 13-15, M 6 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    At thirty thousand feet a plane lost all its

    engines and power. As it plummeted to the ground below the aircraft began to pick up speed shaking and shuddering in its decent. The look on the faces of all the passengers was distress and fear. A preacher man was praying to his god. an Australian stopped the beer cart in the...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    Three females were at their local pub one night

    when the first one said. " I'm so loose that my husband can stick his whole hand up me." The second says." That's nothing, my husband can stick his whole arm up me." The third just laughs and slides down the stool.
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 13 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    Bob had just finished his last day of work at

    the local waste facility and was now officially retired. His best mate Tim talked him into going out for a celebratory drink. While sitting at the bar Tim asks job" mate, you worked at that place for thirty years! How did you do it?" Bob replied." Well Tim the way I see it is...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 1 day ago

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    TaoTao90 TaoTao90 22-25, F 13 hrs ago

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