Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 42,955 People

    What does December have

    that other months don’t have?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A blonde comes to driving practice test.

    She gets into the car and immediately the instructor says: - You have failed. Blonde: - But why, I have just got into the car. Instructor: - Yes, but you sat on the back seat.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What starts with a P,

    ends with an E, and has thousands of letters?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at

    the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Husband: Honey, I have problems at work.

    Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are married, your problems are mine problems as well. Husband: ok. Then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 34 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What did the blonde say

    when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.
    linda linda 21-25, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    HOLY PROSTITUTES A man is driving down a

    deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 6 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A young couple, on the brink of divorce,

    visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife, "What's the problem?" She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ***********." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?" The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 20 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This word I know? Six letters it contains.

    Take away the last …. and only twelve remains. What is the word?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy asks his friend: - Have you talked to the

    hero, who has saved you mother-in-law from drowning in the river? - Yes I did. He came and apologised.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Late in the night he regained consciousness.

    Looking up at the ceiling from his gurney, he found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's' ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires coming from everywhere monitoring his every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 54 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    After death a man reached at heaven's gate.

    There he met St. Peter.... St. Peter: You have to answer a question after that you can enter. The man: What’s that? St. Peter : You have to spell a word. In case you fail, you will be taken to Hell. The man: Which word? St. Peter: “Love” The man: Okay, it’s “L-O...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 6 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A young monk arrived at the monastery.

    He was assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He noticed, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 12 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I'm so glad they don't have hot dogs at

    McDonalds. I don't think I could keep a straight face ordering a "McWiener" ;-D
    shakenama shakenama 41-45, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Take away my first letter,

    and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 31 Responses Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man is in a hotel lobby.

    He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me...
    kisha9 kisha9 18-21, F 10 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower,

    shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 3 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two ladies talk: - I have congratulated my

    husband with his birthday - I presented him with the set of spoon-baits - What a great idea and logic idea - your husband has been going to fish every weekend for the last ten years. - Indeed. But the problem is that he looked at the set of those spoon-baits and asked what it...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife says to husband,

    "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    - Sex? - Seven to eleven times a week.

    - No, no... I mean male or female? - No difference, male, female, sometimes camel - Holy cow! - Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals. - But isn't that hostile? - Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it! - Oh dear! - No, no! Deer run too fast...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Tasmania's were sitting around talking one

    afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the first Tasmanian says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related? The second Tasmanian crooked his...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    At the shop - Can I help you?

    - No. I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Somebody knocks on door: - Who is there?

    - Police? - What do you want? - We want to talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - So talk with each other.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Women are like roads.

    The more curves they have, the more dangerous they are.
    linda linda 21-25, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 18 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 68 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 50 Responses Mar 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 14 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife: - I wish I was a newspaper -

    so I would be in your hands all day long. Husband: - I also wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one every day.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 63 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel