Post

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 39,001 People

    I just swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles

    so my next crap might spell disaster. John Kerry
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 34 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 78 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Thediary Thediary 26-30 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Israelis and Arabs realized that,

    if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy walks into a crowded bar,

    waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 shot clip, and yells, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yells, "You need more ammo."
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 4 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Sunbathing A rather well proportioned young

    lady spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She’d hardly begun when she...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 51 Responses Mar 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    FUNNY ANSWERS TO NORMAL QUESTIONS.

    ......GIRLFRIEND: And are you sure you love me and no one else? BOYFRIEND: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. WAITER: Would you like your coffee black? CUSTOMER: What other colours do you have? MANAGER: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If work is so healthy society should give to

    the sick people. John Denver
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The dentistAn old lady visits the dentist,

    sits on the chair, takes off her panties, & opens her legs wide. Dentist says “im not a gynocologist” She says “i know, i just want you to take my husbands teeth out!”
    halo198 halo198 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    LIFE BEFORE THE

    COMPUTER -------------------------- An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy You hoped nobody found...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    They were together in the House.

    Just the two of them. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance....and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 33 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Kids say!!!!!!! :)) Little girl: Sir,

    why do you wear your collar backwards? Priest: I am a father! Little girl: My Father doesn't wear his collar like that! Priest: I'm a Father of many.. Little girl: My Father has 4 boys & 4 girls but yet he doesn't wear his collar backwards, then why do you?? Priest( getting...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 1 Response 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Christmas is a lot like anal sex.

    It's better to give than to receive. Ronald Reagan
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 53 Responses Sep 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 96 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Eve's Chat With God "What is it,

    Eve?" "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case I have a...
    MFBG MFBG 61-65, M 5 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 67 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 47 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Perfect Son A: I have the perfect son.

    B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn’t. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn’t. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 29 Responses Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 58 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 17 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    !! A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.” The doctor asks, “What do you mean?” The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.” The doctor...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Brit, a Frenchman and a North Korean are

    viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm", muses the Brit. "They must have been British." "Nonsense", the Frenchman disagrees. "They are naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French!" "No, No", exclaimed the N...
    thr080766 thr080766 46-50, M 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Junkard Junkard 22-25, M 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 22 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If Scotland gets independence will the Duke of

    Edinburgh become "The Prince formally known as....?"
    Guvna2106 Guvna2106 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 13 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 150 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A "Just married" couple lodge themselves in a

    hotel for their honeymoon in the evening, the man went downstairs to the bar to have a drink because he wasn't feeling sleepy, the woman left alone in the room decided to sleep but wasn't allowed to sleep by a rocket train which has it rails just behind the hotel building. When...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man who was clearly in his 80's had just

    finished his morning jog and he didn't even appear to be short of breath. The 70 year old who was watching him was amazed at the man's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 80 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every single day. Rye bread helps keep...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My job is so unbelievable.

    I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up. She is extremely self-centred...
    Kyprioi Kyprioi 13-15, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What is the definition of a perfect lover?

    A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears. Margaret Thatcher
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's the similarity between skydiving

    and getting a blow job off your granny? Don't look down! David Letterman
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel