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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50,950 People

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Romantic Seniors #1 An older couple were lying

    in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    In spite of all the advanced mechanical

    technology and computer controls, the major problem with automobiles has yet to be solved, that loose nut behind the wheel!
    GJOFJ3 GJOFJ3 56-60, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    (While Eating ) Son:Dad!

    Dad!listen Father:How many times have I told u not to talk while eating!Eat silently! (After eating) Father:Come on! Now tell me what were u talking about? Son:Dad!There was a cockroach in your pizza!
    liza1996 liza1996 18-21, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Wedding Preparation Jacob,

    age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemists. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    Laffa Laffa 22-25, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    It was a gorgeous day

    so Warren decided to take his convertible and go for a ride in the country. As he drove along he noticed a Semi come into view up ahead but didn't pay much mind to it when suddenly something fell off of the truck and onto the side of the road. Pulling over to see what it was...
    Xlandria61 Xlandria61 61-65, F 1 hr ago

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    There are right pills in total.

    They all have the same size and colour except for one pill; it is poisonous and is a little bit heavier (not noticable by our hands) but still has the same colour as the other pills. You have a balanced scale which you can only use twice. How can you find out which pill is the...
    Laffa Laffa 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Adam asks God for a mate.

    God replies, ‘You shall have the best of all companions – woman. She will be beautiful, and intelligent, and good-natured. She will cook for you, clean for you, and take care of your every need without complaint. Your life will be one of undiluted pleasure.’ ‘Sounds good...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A lady applied for the position of a house maid.

    Asked why she left her last employment, she said: Sir, the wages were good, the living conditions were quite comfortable but it was the most ridiculous place I’ve ever worked. They played this game they called Bridge. Last night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to...
    jugglar jugglar 26-30, M 3 days ago

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    There I was sitting at the bar staring at my

    drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 71 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    B: Wanna know what will happen

    if being beautiful is a crime? G: *giggles* What? B: You're innocent
    Fourtris143 Fourtris143 18-21, F 20 hrs ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

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    A blind man Wakes up on an uninhabited Island.

    He has a specific disease for which he has to take pills. He has to take one red pill and one white pill. He cannot take two white or two red pills otherwise he dies. Same Goes for two white and one red and vice versa. The man has four pills in his pocket of which two are white...
    Laffa Laffa 22-25, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 32 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    I was having trouble with my pc.

    So I called David, the young boy from next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. David sauntered in, did a couple of clicks and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" "ID ten T error", he...
    Injoy1767 Injoy1767 46-50, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    pdqsailor1 pdqsailor1 51-55, M 12 hrs ago

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    SENIOR #3. DRIVING As a senior citizen was

    driving down the highway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I85. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Vernon ,"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    sabresfan2010 sabresfan2010 18-21, M 2 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Romantic Seniors #2 A little old lady

    who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex." She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    R: How are Prague divorce attorneys like bad

    restaurant patrons? A: They're always asking for separate Czechs.
    HectorSavage HectorSavage 36-40, M 4 days ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Stop waiting for a Prince Charming.

    Get up and find Him. The poor Idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.
    KarenDew KarenDew 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Frank is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home.

    Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 53 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    After a long, dry sermon,

    the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger. You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board, said the minister. I know, said the man. If there is anyone here more bored than...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    pdqsailor1 pdqsailor1 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Find the missing animal!

    The animals of jungle are organising a party.The Lion King has assigned work to every animal. The bear is decorating The crows are distributing invitations The giraffe is singing The monkeys are dancing The koala is making BBQs But where is the donkey? The donkey is busy in...
    liza1996 liza1996 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    pdqsailor1 pdqsailor1 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Never laugh at your wife choices.

    You are one of them. :P
    KarenDew KarenDew 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing

    towards Texas. The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?" One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M