Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 43,062 People

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q. What do you call a polar bear with ear muffs?

    A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How many Americans does it take to change a

    light bulb ? None ! Americans don't change light bulbs. They let underpaid Mexicans do the job,
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Stop Church Gossip Mildred,

    the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    RHYMING RIDDLES ARE THE BEST An asp in the

    grass is a snake, but a grasp in the *** is a goose. DIRT ROAD Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road. BANK ROBBERS Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of...
    mother1983 mother1983 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A joke I heard on a tour bus going over a

    Volcano mountain pass in Hawaii A priest and a tour bus driver both approach the Pearly Gates of Heaven,together ,and St Peter said to the priest,please take a seat, while I interview this tour bus driver.Time passes by slowly and the priest gets quite agitated and impatient At...
    paulapetal14 paulapetal14 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy walking and he saw his friend

    who was very angry and ask him what happen and he replies sadly ," I went to a fortune teller to ask if I will get any girlfriend soon and they stupid relies me "no" but I will save lots of money and will be happy for long time
    Johnnystha Johnnystha 26-30, M 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife gave birth to our beautiful baby son

    last week and I feel like the proudest father alive. I've just got one question though: At what age do they stop being black?
    linda linda 21-25, F 1 Response 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 54 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ms Vickie and Lady Louisiana are outside their

    nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Ms Vickie pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Ms Vickie: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 150 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Newton's law for cell phones: The longer you

    stare at phone before picking the call... The Bigger the lie you tell after picking it up..????
    Angel763 Angel763 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It was typical Bank Holiday weather,

    blowing a gale and ******* it down. I was struggling to put up the tent. And to top it all off, I've had two kids crying and screaming for their mummy. Sometimes I hate working for the Police Scientific Support Unit.
    mzkayz mzkayz 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 34 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 50 Responses Mar 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    here's a joke what does miley Cyrus have

    for Christmas dinner ............ twerky ....... lol :D
    Alisha5751 Alisha5751 16-17 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 14 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 64 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hilarious one... A man dies

    and goes to hell????. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country??????????????????. He goes to the German hell and asks : "What do u do here?" He's told, "First they put you in an electric chair? for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails?? for...
    Angel763 Angel763 22-25, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE PARROT A young man named John received a

    parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 18 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower,

    shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A wise person once said.

    1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 2. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS...
    AgingGracefully AgingGracefully 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 31 Responses Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    “It's just too hot to wear clothes today,

    ” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?” “Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    mzkayz mzkayz 31-35, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 37 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A young businessman had just started his own

    firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    2 kinds of chromosomes can cause serious

    marital problems. . . . . . . . . "Ex" and "Why" ????????????????????
    Angel763 Angel763 22-25, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Let's get the Christmas Season started by being

    Jolly! Q: What do you get when combining a Christmas tree and an iPad? A: A pineapple. (of course) Q: How much did Santa's Sleigh cost? A: Nothing. It was on the house. Q: Why is Santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
    Xlandria61 Xlandria61 61-65, F 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A frog goes into a bank

    and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog indisbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 56 Responses Sep 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel
    antoneli antoneli 18-21, M 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Before you criticise someone,

    walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.
    witsend99 witsend99 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's the difference between a Northern zoo

    and a Southern zoo? The Southern zoo has a description of the animal AND a recipe to go with it. X-D
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man wants to get married

    and has to pick from three women. He give each $5,000. Three months later he asks what they did with it. The first one says, she spent it on luxuries. The second one says she saved it for him and gives it back to him. The third says she invested it wisely and made &45,000 and...
    barzins barzins 46-50, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Beautiful Lines :- __________________

    __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ __________________ ___________________ Next Time I Will Send Beautiful Circles
    Angel763 Angel763 22-25, F 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel