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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 46,644 People

    Spell the word 'boobytrap' backwards.

    ...LOL! Sorry...the 10 year old inside got to me! ;-D
    shakenama shakenama 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    One day three people were standing in front of

    the president Obama during a town hall meeting. John, weighs about 140 pounds. James, weighs about 150 pounds. Codi weighs 243 pounds. The first one, James said "You know I have nothing more to say here. John your turn." Then John spoke up and said "Hahaha hey Codi has a joke do...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Two blondes went for a walk in the country one

    fine day. As they were walking along, one looked down and exclaimed, 'Look at the deer tracks!' and the other looked and rolled her eyes, saying, 'Dummy, those are bird tracks!' Whereas the first blonde said, ' I'm no dummy, those are definitely deer tracks!' And they were both...
    MadwomanM MadwomanM 51-55, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    those who caused you pain are the same people

    who suffer for it,there is nothing more beautiful than those who's hearts are broken but still believes in love....
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    what the difference between being hungry

    and horny? where you put the cucumber!
    ThingNumber3 ThingNumber3 13-15, F 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 49 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    CAKE OR BED A husband is at home watching a

    football match when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway, it has been flickering for weeks now?" He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have General Electric written on my forehead? I don't think so.." "Fine...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 9 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    The Dentist... A guy

    and a girl meet at a bar.They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says, "You...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    A moron goes into a store

    and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The moron then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The moron says, "I'll take it!" The...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 56 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    OnewithJC OnewithJC 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my

    front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his little mind.
    devondaddy devondaddy 61-65, M 1 day ago

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    What do you get when you cross a ****** with

    peanut butter? I don't know, but it thicks to be woof of your mouf
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

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    It was Christmas Eve,

    a woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them...
    devondaddy devondaddy 61-65, M 1 day ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 53 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    How I learned to mind my own business.

    .. I was walkin down the street past a mental hospital. I could hear all the patients shouting...13.....13.....13. The fence was way too high to see over, but I noticed a gap in the planks and peaked thru, when some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick and everyone started...
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Hillary is lying in bed wide-eyed one night,

    and starts poking Bill in the back. "Wake up," she says. Bill just turns over and groans. Again, she pokes him the back and says, "Bill, wake up!" "What do you want?" he grunts in a sleepy voice. "I'm going to the bathroom," she says. "You woke me up just to tell me your going...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 days ago

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    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Laura Bush dies and goes to Heaven.

    She meets St. Peter at the Gates, and notices thousands of clocks. "What are all these clocks for?" she asks St. Peter. "Each person has one," he replied. "They start at midnight, and every time someone tells a lie, it moves ahead one minute. This one is Mother Teresa's. She...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 78 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 36 Responses May 10, 2011

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    There was this stupid blonde male

    and he was at his lessons and his instructor (which was a girl) And she told him to go to three different places and learn three different words. So he went to the airport and learned takeoff. Then he went to the zoo and learned zebra. Then he went to the hospital and learned...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    A man decided that he was going to ride a

    10-speed bike from Pittsburgh, to Philadelphia Pennsylvania. He got as far as Altoona before the mountains became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out to hitchhike, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    A guy and a girl meet in a bar

    and he says to her..."I was gonna tell you a joke about my d**k, but it's too long" The girl politely laughs and says "I would tell you a joke about my p***y, but you'll never get it"
    thumper15 thumper15 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    One day Bill Clinton decides to go on a jog.

    While jogging he sees a hooker on the street corner and she says Five bucks for a *******. Bill says, I'll give you two dollars.The hooker says no and Bill shrugs and continues jogging. The next day he goes for another jog and sees the same hooker. Again she says Five bucks for...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 66 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    So who was the first guy to see an egg come out

    of a chickens *** and say, "I'm gonna eat that"?
    devondaddy devondaddy 61-65, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    The judge frowned at the tired robber

    and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!” “Yes sir...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    It is near the end of the school year.

    The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do and all the kids are restless. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here I'm smart and will...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running

    away from the cops, so they hide in a tree. When the cops come to the trees they scream "Where are you?! We know where you are!! You can't hide from us!!" The brunette says "hoot hoot" like an owl, the redhead says "tweet tweet" like a bird, the blonde says...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 37 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    The clear history button in your browser has

    saved more lives than Superman !! :)
    2015ishere 2015ishere 36-40, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Kathy goes to her local bank,

    walks into the manager's office, and says, "I want a loan. I am going to divorce my husband." "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces," the manager says. "We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, automobiles, businesses, and home improvement." Kathy...
    undecided1129 undecided1129 18-21, F 1 day ago

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 57 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    A family is at the dinner table.

    The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging...
    devondaddy devondaddy 61-65, M 1 day ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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