Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 42,685 People

    Matt2704 Matt2704 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman on her deathbed tells her husband to

    look in the big trunk under the bed. He opens it and finds three eggs and a thousand pounds in cash. "Every time I faked it with you, I took an egg and put it in the trunk" says the woman. 'Not bad', thinks the man, 'three fakes in all these years of marriage'. So, he asks...
    PuzzleMissingAPiece PuzzleMissingAPiece 70+, F 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 117 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A neutron walked into a bar

    and asks the bar tender "How much for a beer?" The bar tender replies "For you, no charge"
    Matt2704 Matt2704 18-21, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's the difference between A Midsummer

    Night's Dream and Much Ado About Nothing? Nine inches is a midsummer night's dream - three inches is much ado about nothing.
    PuzzleMissingAPiece PuzzleMissingAPiece 70+, F 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 56 Responses Sep 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A penis has a sensitive part at one end -

    called the glans - and an insensitive part at the other - called a man.
    PuzzleMissingAPiece PuzzleMissingAPiece 70+, F 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Russian dolls, they're

    so full of themselves.
    danc3rz danc3rz 31-35, F 4 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man is getting into the shower just

    as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel." After...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Aussies, Goose and Sharky,

    were adrift in a life boat. While rummaging through the boat's provision Goose stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed it vigorously, sure enough out popped a genie! This genie, however was a little different. He stated he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The kindergarten class had a homework

    assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 54 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    So, Mickey and Minnie go to divorce court.

    The judge turns to Mickey and says, "I see here in your papers that you said Minnie is crazy?" "No I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f*cking Goofy!"
    danc3rz danc3rz 31-35, F 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bill and Marla decided

    that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    K, this one is a Logic riddle.

    And no googling! .... "Brothers and sisters I have none but this man's father is my father's son. Who is this man?"
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    1. The past, the present,

    and the future walk into a bar. It was TENSE! (Get it?) 2. A duck walks into a bar and says "got any bread?" So the bartender says "no, we only sell drinks" so the duck leaves. The next day he returns and says "got any bread?" So the bartender says "no we don't, you came here...
    FrenziedMaple FrenziedMaple 18-21, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man and a woman meet at a bar

    and end up back at his place. "You don't talk much", she says as he's undressing. "No", he says, "I do my taking with this", and looks down at his manhood. The woman giggles and says "Sorry, I don't DO small talk"
    PuzzleMissingAPiece PuzzleMissingAPiece 70+, F 4 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The "F" Word ,When is @#$% acceptable?

    There are only ten times in history where the"F" word has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows: 10. "What the @#$% do you mean,we are sinking?" -- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912 9. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 8...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 2 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart

    which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, “Don’t get excited, Albert; don’t scream, Albert; don’t yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert.” A woman standing next to him said, “You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 20 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 14 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A little boy got lost at the YMCA

    and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 2 Responses 16 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her,

    cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked...
    Mike9272 Mike9272 41-45, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Think getting your car towed is bad?

    Today I parked in a Tow-Away Zone. When I came out of the store, the entire area was gone." - (unknown)
    aag311 aag311 41-45, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Proof that Ironman is a woman Iron's chemical

    symbol is Fe Another word for man is male Therefore Ironman = Female
    Matt2704 Matt2704 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 18 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two men were sitting at the bar on the top

    floor of the Empire State Building. One man says to the other, "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor." The other man says "Get outta here, you're joking aren't you?" The first man says "No...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Warning!!! This is a mean joke.

    If you don't like mean jokes, stop reading now..... A single woman goes to a grocery store on a Saturday night. She's buying some, you know, typical single woman items: a frozen dinner, tub of ice cream, some trashy magazines, and some tampons. While she's checking out, the...
    danc3rz danc3rz 31-35, F 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Time for a riddle The poor have it,

    the rich need it and if you eat it you die; what is it?
    Matt2704 Matt2704 18-21, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 68 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 151 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 34 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 63 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A neutron asks a proton directions to the pub.

    The proton tells the neutron the directions. Then the neutron asks "Are you sure?" The proton replied "I'm positive"
    Matt2704 Matt2704 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel