Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 60,838 People

SEND TO A FRIEND:

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 20 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 52 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Half of the time I tell a joke- the joke is me

    because I make no sense ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜Ž
    Jaazz1987 Jaazz1987 16-17 3 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    We were dressed and ready to go out

    for a dinner and theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    You know what's worse

    than being in love with Honest Abe with ADD? Exactly. Nothing.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A newlywed couple just moved into their new

    house. One day, the wife asked her husband, โ€œHoney, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?โ€ The husband looked at his wife and said, โ€œWhat do I look like โ€” Mr. Plumber?โ€ A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. โ€œHoney, the car wonโ€™t...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 17 Responses Jan 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A new perspective on an age old question.

    why did the chicken cross the road? DONALD TRUMP: All Mexican chickens who wish to cross this road must submit to a complete background check, and full body search. BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken...
    evienneOwnedByMasterBlaise evienneOwnedByMasterBlaise 41-45, F 5 Responses 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Did you hear about the chameleon

    who couldn't change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction. What did the black man say to his wife when he got home from work? He said "Hi honey. I am home from work. How are you?" If you thought this was a racist joke then the joke is on you.
    theguywiththeredhair theguywiththeredhair 18-21, M 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "I wore my cap, but all my cap ever did was

    cover my head. This cap served no purpose. It was made not to just to cover my head. It was too bad that I always forgot to use it for that purpose, I'm forgetful anyway". Hint: Whose side of the street are you on?
    ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT 26-30, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again,

    asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. โ€œLike sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?โ€ I asked. Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me", she said and...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How much do pirates pay

    for corn A buccaneer
    jbrown1635 jbrown1635 18-21, M 1 Response 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    You Mama is SO fat...

    She can't even jump to a conclusion...
    bonnie54594 bonnie54594 26-30, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car

    accident and went into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, "You had twins, a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. However they were poorly at birth and had...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 33 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Rules for Bedroom Golf 1.

    Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    More of a story than a joke

    but whatever mr and mrs Ato were going to have twin boys they wanted unique names but had no clue where to start eventually they settled in naming the children pat and Tom If you don't get it read below Their names are pat-ato and tom-ato
    jbrown1635 jbrown1635 18-21, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Him: am a politician,

    and i am honest Her: am a prostitute, and i am virgin
    Randomstalker Randomstalker 31-35, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Harry the Eagle waited at the nest

    for Mary, his darling of ten glorious years. When she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead! Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man walked out to the street

    and immediately catches a taxi in New York City. The cabbie says, "Perfect timing, you're just like Brian. " Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle,

    they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them... 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A priest was called away

    for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 8 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why did the math book look

    so sad? Because it had so many problems. Decimals have a point. Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.http://www.kidsmathgamesonline.com/funstuff/mathjokes.html
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Running Away Does Not Help You With Your

    Problems, Unless You Are Fat.
    Yash144 Yash144 18-21, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 49 Responses Mar 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 63 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man went to a ***** club.

    When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "YEAH BABY! THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!" The man in the front row...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Three sisters age 92,

    94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, then...
    arsenicsunrise arsenicsunrise 26-30, F 14 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Recently at a class reunion a friend brought up

    a incident that happened 45 years ago or so that I had forgotten. The comic books back then had this page selling things like: trick baseballs, itching powder, onion gum and X-RAY GLASSES. We had to get the x-ray glasses and of course they couldn't even see through a sheet of...
    Golondrinas Golondrinas 51-55, M 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Simple. Very easy.

    Very simple. Very Easy. "Timmy cannot tie his own shoelaces, but he can tie Joe's" What can't you picture?
    ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT 26-30, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    arsenicsunrise arsenicsunrise 26-30, F 8 Responses