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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 35 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Hung Chow calls in to work

    and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better...
    fetish27 fetish27 46-50, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 49 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

    You look for the fresh prints.
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 5 days ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Woman's Magazines Page 5: Accept yourself

    as you are Page 6: How to loose 4kg In 1 week Page 7: Best cake recipe
    Johnnystha Johnnystha 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Lie Detector A father buys a lie detector

    robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Seniors Banking... PRICELESS!

    ! This is not a joke but is a brilliant laugh. ENJOY HERE is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    Cowboy at Pearly Gates A cowboy appeared

    before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    THE TOILET SEAT Charlie's wife,

    Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    The third grade teacher was reading a book to

    her class where a character got "totally freaked out" by something. She stopped reading and told the class, "Let's talk about being freaked out! When I call your name, come to the blackboard and draw something that freaks you out. Kevin?" Little Kevin came to the board and drew...
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    So the Police ordered me to get out of the car.

    . "You're staggering", said the officer. "You're not a bad looking fvcker yourself!", I replied.
    JosephinaBallerina JosephinaBallerina 31-35, F 10 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    -oral secks* will make your whole day.

    -anal secks* will make hole weak.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Once upon a time there lived a king

    and the king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt no matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, everything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    In a crowded city at a busy bus stop,

    a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and...
    Teamouse Teamouse 26-30, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    Male servant- Jack in the house use to drink

    Whiskey from his house owner - John's Bar and refill it with some water always. John soon realized the cheat Jack was doing. Once while John n his wife were seating in the Living room. While Jack was busy making some food in kitchen, John shouted from Living room "Jack are...
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 day ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Math Irrationality: Hundreds of years passed.

    ..... Millions of theorems derived......... Thuosands of formulaes made..... But still....... "x" is an unknown value...... :p and "xxx" is well known! ;P
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    First year students at Medical School were

    receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The...
    fetish27 fetish27 46-50, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ole's' old lady had been pregnant

    for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said. 'Hey, Ole! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand, !!' Ole got excited by this, but just then...
    OldPrepper OldPrepper 70+, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York

    City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, What's this, Paw? The father responded, Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what...
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    One night, as a couple lays down

    for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A blonde went to an appliance store sale

    and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to...
    fetish27 fetish27 46-50, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Knock, knock? Who's there?

    Megan and chicken. Megan and chicken who? He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice...
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Today I saw a girl walking her dog

    and I said nice pig she said that's not a pig I said I know I was talking to the dog ahahahahaha
    LOVExSEXxDREAMS LOVExSEXxDREAMS 16-17, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 67 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    We were so poor that

    when I was young and still at school my mother bought us clothes from the "Army Stores"......For 2 terms I went dressed as a Japanese Emporer
    silversurfer1066 silversurfer1066 61-65, M 4 days ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 5 days ago

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    9 out of 10 husband agree

    that their wives are always right. The 10th one mysteriously disappeared and hasn't been heard from since.
    DeathThrone DeathThrone 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    a man walking down a deserted came upon a woman

    sunbathing face down completely undressed. What's his name?
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have

    met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and...
    Teamouse Teamouse 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    suzzy0541 suzzy0541 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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