Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 57,239 People

    States that are legalizing

    both marijuana and gay marriage are simply following guidance provided for in the scriptures...Leviticus 20:13 states that a man whom lays with another man should be stoned.
    Bumblelion Bumblelion 31-35, M 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 67 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

    She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did all that, I'd be talking to your Girlfriends over there instead of you."
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 8 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the

    control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My neighbor recently spent $2,

    500 on a young Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The neighbor was beginning to suspect the bull was gay, if that's possible with a bull. Anyhow, he had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Off he goes to university,

    but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing? They actually have a program here that will teach our dog how to talk.' 'That's amazing,' his dad says. 'How...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 56 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 51 Responses Mar 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I told my wife the truth.

    I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The most popular guy at a nudist camp shows up

    carrying a cup of coffee in both hands AND a dozen donuts....
    Northstar133 Northstar133 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 68 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 34 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A police officer pulls over an elderly female

    for speeding while driving her husband to a doctor’s appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding." The...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 61 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs

    because they always take things literally.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from

    the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?" 'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?' 'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was walking down the street

    when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of Pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted a ten Pound note and asked, "If I give you this money,will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner...
    OldPrepper OldPrepper 70+, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was telling a girl in the pub about my

    ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said. "Come on, what day was I born"? I said, "Yesterday."
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year

    old rancher whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president.The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle'' .Not being...
    OldPrepper OldPrepper 70+, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A 5 year old son, after watching a mythological

    story: "Mummy, I also want 7 wives, one will cook for me, one can bath me, one will play with me, one I will take to school, etc...." Mum smiled and said, "Then at night, I don't have to accompany you to sleep!" After considering it, the son said, "Not possible, I still...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 5 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE FRIDGE! I got home from work

    and found the missus had left a post-it note on the fridge saying "It's no good, it's not working, I'm staying at mums for a while" I opened it, the light came on, the beer was well chilled. Who knows what she was on about?
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming

    pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 7 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I understand how batteries feel,

    because I'm rarely included in things either
    ella1243 ella1243 13-15, F 14 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Look I admit I was speeding officer

    but I'm desperate for the toilet. Do you know where the nearest craphouse is?" "You're speaking to him. Now what's your name and address?"
    kmf456 kmf456 56-60, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Apollo: *is ranting to Hades about Will

    and Nico being together* Hades: why is it such a big deal? Apollo: *brings up a image of Will pinning Nico to a wall* Hades: unacceptable! Apollo: finally! you came to your senses! Hades: i taught him better than this! Apollo: yeah! Hades: your son should be bottoming to...
    wolfsparadise wolfsparadise 13-15, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A priest checks into a hotel

    and says to the receptionist 'I hope the p0rn channel on my TV is disabled'. She replies 'No sir, it's just ordinary ****, you sick b@st@rd'
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A wife asks her husband,

    "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had avocados." If you're a woman, I'm...
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two Neighbors John and Raff were talking to

    each other Raff - We always hear loud laughter voices from your house. Whats the reason for such wonderful family time? John - Nthg Bro, My wife throws shoes and other items on me in anger.. If it hits me, She Laughs loud and it don't hit me.. I laugh Louder. Amen our life...
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 Response 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A child to his teacher.

    . Excuse me miss but can a little girl give birth to babies?? Teacher after thinking a bit, Nope!! The child looking at a girl in his class, See? And you were worried for no reason. O.o
    imawarrior7 imawarrior7 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel
    cletismuffee cletismuffee 66-70, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ever since my dad told me one of his dad jokes,

    I loved hearing and telling jokes and riddles. Thanks, dad
    aprisonerofazkaban aprisonerofazkaban 22-25, F 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel