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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 40,437 People

    riddle there were 8 cats in a boat.

    One cat jumped out of the boat, after the one cat jumped out of the boat, there 0 cats in the boat. How could that be?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    Have you ever expected something can happen

    like that? Boss to secretary:- We are going to London for a week inform your husband. Secretary to her husband:- Boss and I are going to Abroad for business purpose for a week and this is important to my career. Husband to his girlfriend:-Darling my wife is going to abroad for...
    ExUser007 ExUser007 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    A family is at the dinner table.

    The son asks the father, ?Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?? The father, surprised, answers, ?Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman?s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit...
    Dani3lJD Dani3lJD 13-15, M 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Farmer Brown goes out one day

    and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chickens. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 8 hrs ago

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    Welcoming nice people

    and enjoyabel
    happmike happmike 26-30, M 22 hrs ago

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    A man walks into a pub looking very distressed.

    He walks up to the bar orders a beer and mutters to himself." There's gonna be trouble, there's gonna be trouble." The barmen pours him a beer he drinks it down and orders another still muttering to himself." There's gonna be trouble, there's gonna be trouble." He drinks...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 50 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    A man walked into a pub one day

    and saw a large jar full of money on the counter. He then asked the barmen what it was for and he replied." if anyone could make the donkey out the back of the pub laugh it was all there's." The man said "yep I'm your man I'll give it a go." He proceeded outside and within...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Bruce was walking through nthe Australian

    outback one day when he stumbled upon a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared in a magical mist from the lamp. The genie in formed Bruce that he had one wish. Bruce thought for a while then said " I want a bridge that goes from my front yard in Sydney to las Vegas." The...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Riddle me this: What do you use every single

    day, but never pay for? What is truly yours but came from somewhere else? What is very personal but shared with everyone?
    BeautifulStruggle18 BeautifulStruggle18 18-21, F 6 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Well ... Ice creAm for midnight snacks.

    .. Sounds creepy ... πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ perfect for halloween ..LoL
    debonne22 debonne22 22-25, F 1 Response 6 hrs ago

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    A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to

    send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned,the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. By the way, I converted to Christianity.""Oh, my," said the father, "What have I done...
    perseverer perseverer 51-55, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Special golf ball Two friends went out to

    play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had just one golf ball. β€œDon’t you have at least one other golf ball?” he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. β€œAre you sure?” the friend persisted. β€œWhat happens...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    At thirty thousand feet a plane lost all its

    engines and power. As it plummeted to the ground below the aircraft began to pick up speed shaking and shuddering in its decent. The look on the faces of all the passengers was distress and fear. A preacher man was praying to his god. an Australian stopped the beer cart in the...
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 31 Responses Aug 24

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 63 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    A newlywed couple moves into their new house.

    One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey...
    JoeGogg JoeGogg 36-40, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 35 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 13 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook

    for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an *******!"
    akaShaun akaShaun 16-17, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 19 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    I was with my girl last night

    and I couldn't find the blindfold, so I pepper sprayed her.
    Legionicula Legionicula 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    TaoTao90 TaoTao90 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    You have to love this lawyer.

    ....... A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 81 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 66 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    "Doctor Doctor, I keep forgetting what I have

    just said" "So when did this problem occur?" "What problem?"
    T3chmupp3t T3chmupp3t 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What is the similarity between bungy jumping

    and getting a blow job off a granny? They both feel great, just don't look down.
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    If Kevin Bacon gets Ebola,

    how long until I get it?
    Uncleleo Uncleleo 56-60, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 152 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    riddle: What occurs

    once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    30 white horses on a red hill.

    First they tamp then they stamp then they stand still. Answer:
    jamespeterson30 jamespeterson30 18-21, M 3 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    Riddle The Smith family is a very wealthy

    family that lives in a big, circular home. One morning, Mr. Smith woke up and saw a strawberry jam stain on his new carpet. He figured out that everyone who was there that morning had a jam sandwich. By reading the following excuses, figure out who spilled the jam. Billy Smith...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 16 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man's wife is pregnant.

    He is Frantic. "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart" "Is this her first child?" "No you idiot! It's her husband!"
    T3chmupp3t T3chmupp3t 18-21, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 51 Responses Mar 10

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    A box without ridges,

    keyholes or lids, yet golden treasure inside is hid Answer:
    jamespeterson30 jamespeterson30 18-21, M 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Three females were at their local pub one night

    when the first one said. " I'm so loose that my husband can stick his whole hand up me." The second says." That's nothing, my husband can stick his whole arm up me." The third just laughs and slides down the stool.
    thefisch thefisch 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 58 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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