Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50,630 People

    The fastest thing on the world is a man about

    to be caught watching ****.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted

    for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What happens if you play country music

    backwards? your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 18-21, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A customer was really hassling an airline agent

    at the ticket counter — yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her. When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, "Does that happen often? I cannot believe how nice you...
    jugglar jugglar 26-30, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Political correctness You're not supposed to

    call them 'homeless people' any more. The correct term is 'Involuntary Street Performers.'
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 46 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Tried squeezing my way into a VIP midget club

    last night. "Sorry mate, you can't come in." said the bouncer. "Why the fvck not?" I asked. He said, "Because you're not on the shortlist."
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Love Jokes And Riddles.

    ................
    goodnites25 goodnites25 22-25, M 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 52 Responses Mar 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    three cats are competing in a race.

    there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found...
    CanYouHearTheSilence CanYouHearTheSilence 13-15, T 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Who are you? :) A middle aged woman had a

    heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital...
    CrystalRainsPearls CrystalRainsPearls 41-45, F 13 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Political correctness.

    .. Nobody seems sure what to call anything these days. Apart from politicians... They'll always be, "cvnts".
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "What the ****'s all this?

    " said the wife opening her Xmas present. "Just what you wanted!" I replied. "Well I don't think I've ever ******* asked for a tin of axle grease, a crowbar and a tyre lever?" she shouted. "Oh I think you did!" I said. "I distinctly recall you saying, that all you wanted for...
    BytheBy BytheBy 46-50, F 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A young monk arrives at the monastery.

    He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 55 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife walked in the living room

    and caught me licking the air. She instantly asked "What the hell are you doing?" I replied "Im watching 3D ****"
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

    ... I feel like I've dyed a little inside..
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I read that the deadly black widow has arrived

    in Britain Actually, we're not allowed to call it the Black Widow anymore...now it's The Recently Bereaved Arachnid Of Ethnic Minority Origin.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I fell asleep watching the Country Music Awards.

    When I woke up I was missing 4 teeth and I was married to my sister
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The wind was so strong today,

    it would have blown a redneck off his sister
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 11 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A blonde and a redhead went to the bar

    after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 32 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An American was driving down a road in England

    when his tyre blew out and he had to pull over to the side of the road. It turned out he was right in front of the local mental asylum. He got out of the car, jacked it up off the ground, and removed the punctured tyre. He put the wheel nuts in a paper coffee cup he had in the...
    BytheBy BytheBy 46-50, F 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A company, feeling it was time

    for a shake-up, hires a general manager. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The...
    jugglar jugglar 26-30, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    After suffering a heart attach

    and having quadruple bypass surgery, a man woke up to find himself in a Catholic hospital with nuns taking care of him. As they nursed him back to health, one of the nuns asked him if he had health insurance. "No," he replied, "No health insurance." "Do you have any money in...
    LostInTyme LostInTyme 56-60, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The doctor, after an examination,

    sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have terminal cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What has 72 legs and 26 teeth?

    The first row at a Willie Nelson concert!
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man returns home a day early from a business

    trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $200, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Top 10 Country Western Songs 10.

    I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine. 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few. 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'. 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win. 5...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My mother always told me doing bad things would

    one day come back to bite me in the ***, I never believed her, until the day I skipped ahead of a midget in a queue.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M