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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 36,661 People

    BRINGING IN RELIGION Man: You've brought

    religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
    ferrer95 ferrer95 18-21, F 2 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses May 5, 2011

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 147 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Due to a power outage,

    only one paramedic responded to the call of a woman unexpectedly giving childbirth at her home. The house was very dark (with the electric disabled), so the paramedic asked Kathy, a 3 year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her Mommy, so he could see while he delivered...
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 3 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    To eat or not to eat?

    The answer is to eat!
    fusoya fusoya 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 56 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 5 hrs ago

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    The French policeman stops his car

    and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 22 hrs ago

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    (did i ever say that.

    ..then?!!!) LOL!!!!:P
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 75 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    On the last day of creation God approached Adam

    and Eve with a small sack. God said I have two items left in my sack for creation for you two. God reached in and pulled out stand up peeing. Immediately Adam jumped and said I want that and God gave it to him. Next God reached into the sack again and pulled multiple...
    luv2fish luv2fish 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows,

    were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual ******.' "Mutual ****** here and mutual ****** there. That's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 1 day ago

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    JESUS & THE ROBBER A robber breaks into a home

    and hears a voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he asks, "Who said that?" Again, the voice says, "Jesus is watching you." The robber turns around to see a parrot. He asks the parrot what his name is. The parrot replies, "Cornelius." The robber asks, "Who names a...
    ferrer95 ferrer95 18-21, F 3 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    THE EVE OF CREATION One day in the Garden of

    Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" God asks her. "Lord," she says, "I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why...
    ferrer95 ferrer95 18-21, F 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 89 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 14 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 29 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 39 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 23 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    michaeln41 michaeln41 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Jack and Bob went skiing.

    After a few hours of driving north, they got caught up in a terrible blizzard and pulled into the driveway of a farm owned by a very rich widow. They went to the door and asked the attractive lady who answered if they could spend the night there. “Oh, it’s such a terrible...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man travelling by plane was in urgent need of

    the toilet. But each time he looked up, the illuminated sign proclaimed that it was occupied. The stewardess, aware of his predicament, suggested that he uses the airplane's new prototype women's loo. But he must not press any of the buttons inside. The were labelled WW,WA...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    "Sex education may be a good idea in the

    schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework" .. Bill Cosby
    moonstruck77 moonstruck77 46-50, F 6 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    The lawyer says: “I have some good news

    and some bad news” The CEO replies: “I have had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.” The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $20,000 in five pictures that are worth a minimum of $2 million ......” The CEO replies enthusiastically: “Well done, very good news...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 9 mins ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 31 Responses May 10, 2011

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    DOG BALLS Q: What do you call a dog

    that has balls of steel and is dragging them across cement? A: Sparky.
    ferrer95 ferrer95 18-21, F 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Hilarious test , have fun :) http://www.

    playbuzz.com/gregs/can-we-guess-when-you-lost-your-virginity
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 3 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    Oldie but goodie.

    ★★★★★★★★★ Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.' And God said, I will create a companion for you...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 4 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    The Wisconsin doctor was overwhelmed by the

    guilt and shame. But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him - "Wisconsin, don't worry about it. You're not the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And, you're single. So just let it go." But...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    Daily Joke 10-31-2006

    I start with a 'safe' joke about a blonde girl... (he thats me ;-) ) A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Oct 31, 2006

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 52 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    An Arab, an Afghan and an Australian Sheila are

    in the same bar. When the Afghan finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Afghanistan, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.” The Arab, obviously impressed by...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 36 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    SirLaughalots SirLaughalots 36-40, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 61 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    I went to great lengths to explain Twitter to

    her, but she just said "I don't follow you!"
    GJOFJ3 GJOFJ3 56-60, M 5 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 70 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose

    dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
    ferrer95 ferrer95 18-21, F 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Have you ever noticed

    that in churches when they ask questions to little kids about Christianity the kids almost always answer the question with "JESUS". It's so cute and funny "every answer to everything is JESUS"
    EvelynElf EvelynElf 16-17, F 2 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 153 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 50 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS

    YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL .. . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ROSE, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    yesterday i was typing things to google then i

    came across this, 'the world's funniest joke' i just remembered it now and i thought it'd be good to share: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the...
    ilovecavies ilovecavies 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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