Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 39,387 People

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A female officer arrests a drunk.

    She warns him, You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.The drunk replies, Boobs.
    jerzee78 jerzee78 36-40, M 5 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 150 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Irish parenting... My first drink with my son.

    I was reading an article last night about fathers & sons; memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got us some Fosters, he didn't like it ~ so I had his as well. Then...
    in10RjFox in10RjFox 46-50, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy is swerving down the road

    and gets pulled over. The cop says, "You have to take a Breathalyzer test." The guy says, "I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on a coughing fit." The cop says, "Then I have to give you a blood test." The guy says, "You can't. I'm a hemophiliac, and if you ***** me, I...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bridget and Courtney were

    both born in the same year. Bridget is a senior. Courtney is a freshman. Neither one skipped or stayed back a grade. How is this possible?
    warriormaiden17 warriormaiden17 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 47 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 13 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 67 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Coming Soon Mercedes Crash Report We're

    Sorry Mercedes Benz had a problem and crashed. We'll try to restore your windows and air bag, when it restarts. To help us diagnose and fix the problem, you can send us a crash report if you are alive. < > Tell Mercedes about this Crash < > Tell your spouse about this Crash...
    in10RjFox in10RjFox 46-50, M 5 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Snappy answers to sappy questions: All your

    puny problems solved in 10 words or less! Q: Dear Abby, What can I do about my little brother? He's such a pest! A: Have you tried a flyswatter? Q: Dear Abby, My boss is a mean, unappreciative slave driver who constantly belittles me. What can I do? A: Shut up and get back to...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It was George the Mailman's last day on the job

    after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they...
    jerzee78 jerzee78 36-40, M 6 Responses 17 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 78 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a

    rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Letter home from School Dear Dad,

    $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 28 Responses Aug 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A medical student is taking a test

    and one of the questions he sees is: "Name the three best advantages of mother's milk." The student immediately writes, "One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby. Two: It is inside the mother's body and therefore protected from germs and infections...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just

    finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said, "Well, anything I can do to...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 2 Responses 18 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A hearse is driving up a step hill

    when the backdoor flies open, sending the coffin rolling down the hill and crashing through a pharmacy. The casket pops open revealing the deceased, the ill customer asks the pharmacist "Have you got anything to stop this coffin?"
    T3chmupp3t T3chmupp3t 18-21, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man forgot about his wedding anniversary

    and his wife is cross, she walks to him and growls "Tomorrow, I want something in the driveway that goes to 200 in 2 seconds flat!". The next morning, the wife goes to the driveway and notices a boxed gift. She opens it up to find bathroom scales.
    T3chmupp3t T3chmupp3t 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Three older ladies were discussing the travails

    of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two little old ladies,

    Dorace & Jackie were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. The short one, Jackie leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A doctor is making a routine call to one of his

    elderly patients. He asks, "And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?" Mr. Johnson replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door." The doctor is...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Prince Charles was driving around his mother's

    estate when he accidentally ran over her favorite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic. Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the...
    cheleshere cheleshere 66-70, F 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Stupidest joke I've heard in awhile.

    But it made me smile. What do you call a bear with no teeth? ... A GUMMY BEAR
    SlavetoJudas SlavetoJudas 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

    office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 33 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 22 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Nurses aren't supposed to laugh.

    .. "Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width was almost...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The doctor, after an examination,

    sighed and said, "I have got some bad news. You have cancer, and you had best put your affairs in order..." The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One night at the dinner table,

    the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger." "Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me anymore." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 64 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 53 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 58 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A trucker who has been out on the road

    for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: ‘I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!’ The Madam is astonished. ‘But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies...
    jerzee78 jerzee78 36-40, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Ariel: Excuse me ma! TEACHER: How may I help

    you? Ariel: Will you beat me for something I did not do? TEACHER: No, why would I? Ariel: Thank God! I did not do my home work.
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA MOTHER TO HER

    DAUGHTER Dear Louanne Ellie Mae, I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 34 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Some books that were never written: Chaos

    Reigns Supreme by Lauren Order 1001 Ways to Dispose of Trash by Reese I. Cling My Brother Studied Hard by Betty Failed-Thetest Sailing on a Cruise Ship by Rowan Along Everybody Exercise by Jim Nasium He Didn't Eat his Vegetables by Zoe Gotno-Dessert She Kissed Another Man by...
    warriormaiden17 warriormaiden17 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 54 Responses Sep 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 17 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel