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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 52,490 People

    Mr. Sharma comes home one night,

    and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    15 Rules of Bedroom Golf: Each player shall

    furnish his own equipment. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. For most effective play, the club requires a firm shaft. Course owners may check shaft stiffness...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 18-21, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a

    new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a light plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable when he wore his suit coat. On the first...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated

    Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, "Can you describe the person who did this to you?" The Irishman replied, "That's what I was doing when he hit me."
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer

    for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    What does a gynaecologist do

    when he feels sentimental? He looks up an old girlfriend.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the

    pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy." The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    “Mother, can I have those apples on the

    sideboard?” “Yes, dear!” “Oh, I am so glad you said yes.” “Why, are you so hungry?” “No– but I’ve eaten them already.”
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 3 days ago

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 148 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 55 Responses May 5, 2011

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    A police officer pulls a guy over

    for speeding and asked, "May I see your driver's license?" The driver answered, "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI." The officer asked, "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?" The driver answered,"It's not my car. I stole it." The officer...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    A woman is pregnant with triplets.

    One day she goes to a bank as it was being held up. She gets shot three times in her stomach, but luckily she lives. She goes to the doctor when tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out. So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of...
    AlphaStigma77 AlphaStigma77 13-15, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    3 people having s.e.x is t.

    hreesome, 2 people having it is twosome...so when somebody call you HANDSOME.., never take it as a compliment..! :p
    AlexGabriel AlexGabriel 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    A woman and a man are involved in a car

    accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately...
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 3 days ago

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    Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown

    London apartment to a couple of friends late one night after a late night out celebrating the soccer team's cup final game, drunk Dave led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall. 'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friends asked...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    A beautiful blonde woman runs a red traffic

    light and crashes into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench

    munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.' Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 18-21, F 34 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    An old Italian Mafia Don is dying

    and he calls for his grandson to approach the bed. "Lissin a me, I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated .38-caliber revolver so you will always remember me." The grandson smiles weakly and replies, "But Grandpa, I really dona lika guns. Howz 'bout you leava me you Rolex...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Three couples were married

    and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Joe the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Joe showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    INCOME TAX Abe and Esther are flying to

    Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    A guy walks into the local welfare office,

    marches up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Scientists have discovered a food

    that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.
    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Injoy1767 Injoy1767 46-50, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    I'm a literally feminist.

    But i can laugh at this lmao!!!XD
    Juri0902 Juri0902 31-35, F 2 Responses 12 hrs ago

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    There was once a great actor

    who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 55 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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