Post

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 36,337 People

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 22 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A retired gentlemen went into the social

    security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should

    get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 152 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 71 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Phone rings.... GIRL: Hello GUY: My love how

    are you doing? GIRL: i am fine. GUY: Will you be free during the weekend, would you like to come to my house? GIRL: I am sorry hun I can't because i will be attending my aunt's wedding and the next day i'll be busy, I am so occupied. GUY: Oh! okay, I was just planning to take...
    imawarrior7 imawarrior7 18-21, M 1 Response 20 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 10-31-2006

    I start with a 'safe' joke about a blonde girl... (he thats me ;-) ) A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Oct 31, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 44 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A little boy wanted $100 badly

    and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    President Obama walked into the bank to cash a

    check. As he approached the cashier he said, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?" Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Would you please show me your ID?" Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 9 Responses 22 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 39 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A: Why are you late? B: There was a man

    who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 89 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 111 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    ‘The United States has developed a new weapon

    that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It’s called the stock market.’ Jay Leno
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An Avon Lady was delivering products in a

    high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two businessmen in a new shopping mall were

    sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop. The shop wasn't ready with only few shelves set up. A curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek and in a soft voice asked, "What are u selling here?" One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 2 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This is Morecambe & Wise's personal favourite

    joke: There's 2 old men sitting in deck chairs, one says to the other 'It's nice out isn't it?' And the other one says 'Yes it is, I think I'll take mine out too' ;) lol
    LFCno1 LFCno1 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 29 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 147 Responses Jan 16, 2009

    Your Response

    Cancel
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new

    Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

    migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Somebody asked Van Gogh 'why did you cut your

    ear off?' And he said 'pardon?' Lol
    LFCno1 LFCno1 18-21, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    ...................and there was this one person

    who said " I'm dyslexic, atheist, and insomniac" I stay up up all night wondering if there is really IS a doG
    MiriamL MiriamL 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs

    for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I got a riddle for you peoples.

    I guy steps out of his vehicle rips off his suit and dies. What suit is this?
    JoshKilbride JoshKilbride 13-15, M 4 Responses 19 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Mafia was looking

    for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were "protecting." Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf and dumb person for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How is the Wonder Bra like a cattle drive?

    They both head ’em up and move ’em out.
    busty73 busty73 56-60, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 75 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I wake up everyday planning to be productive

    and then voice in my head says: "Haha nice one!" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Yes brother," says Paddy.

    "Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says Mick. "It'll be an honour to do that for you Mick," says Paddy. A month later Paddy calls Mick. "Hello Mick, your wife's given birth to a boy and a...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Fred collected lots of money from

    trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate and you give the money to a charity."
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man walks into a New York City bank

    and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    -THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE- Once I

    asked my friend, "What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?" He said "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems." I asked "Can you explain?" He said "In my house, I take decisions on...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 55 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 14 Responses Dec 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 59 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 35 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    On a golf tour in Ireland,

    Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 47 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A doctor notices a sidewalk stand

    that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks...
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Don’t steal Don't lie Don't cheat!

    The Government hates the competition!
    Tasha15Girl Tasha15Girl 13-15, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel