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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 58,830 People

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    A magician worked on a cruise ship.

    The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Knock, knock? Who's there?

    Megan and chicken. Megan and chicken who? He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice...
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 23 hrs ago

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    -oral secks* will make your whole day.

    -anal secks* will make hole weak.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 3 hrs ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 56 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    Another Irish joke and riddle.

    I so love the father's reaction.   
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

    You look for the fresh prints.
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 23 hrs ago

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    LickityLickitySQUIRRT LickityLickitySQUIRRT 51-55, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    My wife was dying. I was by her bedside.

    She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" i said, "There's nothing to confess. Everything's all right." "No I must die in peace. I slept with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "That's why I...
    leon169 leon169 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 102 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 60 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    ✒..If we lose a pen,

    we can buy new one; but if we lose a pen cap, we cannot buy it...so love your husband, coz all Madcaps are important.... 😝😜 Always keep your husband's picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see his picture and say, "if I can handle this, I can...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 day ago

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    a man walking down a deserted came upon a woman

    sunbathing face down completely undressed. What's his name?
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    luvabl3 luvabl3 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Use ur brain.. Crack d below question .

    . Mr. Ryan went to the Market with his Dog.. He rode on a horse to the Market, but walked till market. The horse's name was victory and dog was from south africa.... What is the Name of the Dog that went to the Market?? ?????? Answer.........?????
    shubh422 shubh422 22-25, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    a farmer goes to the same hardware store

    for years and years never says much just gets what he needs and goes home. one year the hardware store decided to open a booth at the fair.and they invite their customers to stop in while at the fair and telling them they all get a free prize just for coming by.well the farmer...
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Irish Quickies Paddy shouts frantically into

    the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!" An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called

    Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too...
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 9 Responses 4 days ago

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    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    It's impossible to put down!
    jellyfishz jellyfishz 13-15, T 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 80 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    A little old lady sold pretzels on a street

    corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a dollar, but never take a pretzel. This offering went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    It was mailman George's last day on the job

    after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 35 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    A Romantic guy got two wishes from God.

    He immediately wished for the best DRINK and the best WOMAN. He got... Mineral Water and Mother Teresa. Moral: Investment is subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing!😝😜😂 😝😛😂😝😜😂
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    suzzy0541 suzzy0541 26-30, F 2 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Which came first, the egg

    or the chicken? The rooster.
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    We were so poor that

    when I was young and still at school my mother bought us clothes from the "Army Stores"......For 2 terms I went dressed as a Japanese Emporer
    silversurfer1066 silversurfer1066 61-65, M 22 hrs ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    A guy was sitting in a bar.

    He was the only person there, except for the bartender who was all the way at the other end of the bar cleaning some glasses. Suddenly, the man heard a voice that seemed to come from right next to him say, "Nice shirt." The startled man looked all around, but there was no one...
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 1 day ago

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    Making a baby. The Smiths were unable to

    conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    I had a friend who got his left arm

    and leg amputated...he's all right now! Get it?
    Kbrabbit Kbrabbit 18-21, F 12 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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