Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 66,671 People

SEND TO A FRIEND:

    You know, some women would be over the moon to

    be woken up on their birthday with flowers, breakfast in bed and 20 minutes of amazing oral s.e.x. But oh no, not MY mum!
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 22 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Hung Chow calls in to work

    and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I...
    donna000 donna000 36-40, F 2 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel
    firmhand1964 firmhand1964 46-50, M 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A small boy asks his Dad,

    "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll...
    Shellster69 Shellster69 31-35, F 11 Responses Mar 10, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 38 Responses Oct 6, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 43 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 39 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q. Why don't blind people sky dive?

    A. It scares the crap out of their dogs. 
    firmhand1964 firmhand1964 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q.  What's ten inches long

    and slippery?A.  A slipper. 
    firmhand1964 firmhand1964 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30 58 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A plane is on its way to Melbourne

    when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back. The...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An American tourist ask a boat guy in Zanzibar,

    "do you know Biology, Physiology, Geography, Geologie, Criminology?" The boat guy said "No. I don't know any of these." The tourist then said, " What the hell do you know on the face of this earth. you'll die of Illiteracy!!" The boat guy said nothing. After a while the boat...
    LiveLifeN LiveLifeN 18-21, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 56 Responses Jan 20, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife accused me of being a transvestite.

    So I packed her things and left.
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman walked into a sports store

    and headed over to the racks of fishing rods. She chose what looked like a nice rod and carried it across to the counter. The store owner stood there and she asked, “Is this the best rod you have? It’s my husband’s 60th birthday and I want to buy him the very best...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    -This bread is my flesh,

    this wine is my blood, this lemon juice is - -Okay, we get it, Master!
    ScissorhandsFingeredMe ScissorhandsFingeredMe 16-17, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman and man get into a car accident.

    Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try...
    Dirk0 Dirk0 56-60, M 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I told my dad to embrace his mistakes - he

    cried...... Then hugged my sister and I.
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My grandfather died peacefully,

    in his sleep… …not screaming like the passengers in his car.
    firmhand1964 firmhand1964 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 58 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 34 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Late in the night, he finally regained

    consciousness. He was in hospital, in agony. He was in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized that he was obviously in a life-threatening...
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 1 Response 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Specialist renovated his Clinic

    and Cabin. He requested the Painter to Write his Profession outside his Cabin Door. Painter did the same and left the place. When the Specialist returned later, he fainted to floor after reading what was written on his door. " PSYCHO THE RAPIST " LOL
    wintersecret wintersecret 36-40, M 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in

    hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleep, do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all nine...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A German woman married an American gentleman

    born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher counter and...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 45 Responses Mar 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Teacher asked what comes

    after a sentence. Told her an appeal.
    Unine Unine 36-40, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Since her new husband is

    so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 33 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty

    divorce from Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge. Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking...
    donna000 donna000 36-40, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A newlywed couple just moved into their new

    house. One day, the wife asked her husband, “Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?” The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like — Mr. Plumber?” A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. “Honey, the car won’t...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 17 Responses Jan 19, 2015

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friend thinks he is smart.

    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why can't Cam Newton get into his driveway?

    Someone painted an endzone on it.
    Sicarium Sicarium 36-40, M 2 Responses 12 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 57 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 36-40, F 81 Responses Jan 20, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 19 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q. What's the difference between an oral

    thermometer and a rectal thermometer?A.  The taste. 
    firmhand1964 firmhand1964 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel