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I Love Jokes And Riddles

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 102 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    9 out of 10 husband agree

    that their wives are always right. The 10th one mysteriously disappeared and hasn't been heard from since.
    DeathThrone DeathThrone 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 59 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have

    met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling. "Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and...
    Teamouse Teamouse 26-30, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Knock, knock? Who's there?

    Megan and chicken. Megan and chicken who? He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice...
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    So the Police ordered me to get out of the car.

    . "You're staggering", said the officer. "You're not a bad looking fvcker yourself!", I replied.
    JosephinaBallerina JosephinaBallerina 31-35, F 10 Responses 2 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    A Man posted on FB : Wife Wanted !

    Soon his FB status got most clicked 5 Girls liked it. While 1500 Men's posted : Take mine please He reverted back: I am asking if someone wants LOL
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Math Irrationality: Hundreds of years passed.

    ..... Millions of theorems derived......... Thuosands of formulaes made..... But still....... "x" is an unknown value...... :p and "xxx" is well known! ;P
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Woman's Magazines Page 5: Accept yourself

    as you are Page 6: How to loose 4kg In 1 week Page 7: Best cake recipe
    Johnnystha Johnnystha 26-30, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    One night, as a couple lays down

    for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    a man walking down a deserted came upon a woman

    sunbathing face down completely undressed. What's his name?
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Cowboy at Pearly Gates A cowboy appeared

    before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Q: Why don't the Amish water ski?

    A: Because the horses would drown.
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 19 hrs ago

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    Seniors Banking... PRICELESS!

    ! This is not a joke but is a brilliant laugh. ENJOY HERE is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    The third grade teacher was reading a book to

    her class where a character got "totally freaked out" by something. She stopped reading and told the class, "Let's talk about being freaked out! When I call your name, come to the blackboard and draw something that freaks you out. Kevin?" Little Kevin came to the board and drew...
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    Ever since I was a child,

    I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night, so I went to my shrink and told him: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 53 mins ago

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    A blonde went to an appliance store sale

    and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry, we don’t sell to...
    fetish27 fetish27 46-50, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Male servant- Jack in the house use to drink

    Whiskey from his house owner - John's Bar and refill it with some water always. John soon realized the cheat Jack was doing. Once while John n his wife were seating in the Living room. While Jack was busy making some food in kitchen, John shouted from Living room "Jack are...
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 day ago

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    THE TOILET SEAT Charlie's wife,

    Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    First year students at Medical School were

    receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The...
    fetish27 fetish27 46-50, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Ole's' old lady had been pregnant

    for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said. 'Hey, Ole! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand, !!' Ole got excited by this, but just then...
    OldPrepper OldPrepper 70+, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    -oral secks* will make your whole day.

    -anal secks* will make hole weak.
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Once upon a time there lived a king

    and the king had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS.. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt no matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, everything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    We were so poor that

    when I was young and still at school my mother bought us clothes from the "Army Stores"......For 2 terms I went dressed as a Japanese Emporer
    silversurfer1066 silversurfer1066 61-65, M 5 days ago

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    A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York

    City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, What's this, Paw? The father responded, Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what...
    bethsmiles bethsmiles 22-25, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

    You look for the fresh prints.
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 5 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    suzzy0541 suzzy0541 26-30, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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