Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 50,663 People

    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted

    for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 2 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Doctors have proven that it is possible to

    catch HIV from a mosquito. So what? Anybody sick enough to sh@g a mosquito deserves all they get!
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A psychiatrist and a friend are sitting in a

    restaurant. The psychiatrist points at one of the other diners. ‘See that man over there. He claims to understand women.’ ‘Is he a colleague of yours?’ asks the friend. ‘No,’ replies the psychiatrist. ‘He’s one of my patients.'
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Q: Why do most women pay more attention to

    their appearance than to improving their minds? A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The wind was so strong today,

    it would have blown a redneck off his sister
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    three cats are competing in a race.

    there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found...
    CanYouHearTheSilence CanYouHearTheSilence 13-15, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A blonde and a redhead went to the bar

    after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 6 Responses 21 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How do you fix a woman's watch?

    Why should you? there's a clock on the oven.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 52 Responses Mar 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 18-21, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A: Hey, I'm freaking scared.

    B: Uhh, why? A: I heard about the zombie apocalypse today. B: Don't worry zombies eat brains. Your safe.
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 2 Responses 9 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 55 Responses Sep 16, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What has 72 legs and 26 teeth?

    The first row at a Willie Nelson concert!
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    In spite of all the advanced mechanical

    technology and computer controls, the major problem with automobiles has yet to be solved, that loose nut behind the wheel!
    GJOFJ3 GJOFJ3 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 hr ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Women will never be equal to men

    until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An American was driving down a road in England

    when his tyre blew out and he had to pull over to the side of the road. It turned out he was right in front of the local mental asylum. He got out of the car, jacked it up off the ground, and removed the punctured tyre. He put the wheel nuts in a paper coffee cup he had in the...
    BytheBy BytheBy 46-50, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 46 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was having trouble with my pc.

    So I called David, the young boy from next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. David sauntered in, did a couple of clicks and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" "ID ten T error", he...
    Injoy1767 Injoy1767 46-50, F 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The most effective way to remember your wife's

    birthday is to forget it once.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 6 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dave was bragging to his boss one day,

    "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to...
    BytheBy BytheBy 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    R: How are Pargue divorce attorneys like bad

    restaurant patrons? A: They're always asking for separate Czechs.
    HectorSavage HectorSavage 36-40, M 48 mins ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 32 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Top 10 Country Western Songs 10.

    I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine. 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few. 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'. 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win. 5...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How many men does it take to open a beer?

    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Questions? LOL
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 7 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 71 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Political correctness You're not supposed to

    call them 'homeless people' any more. The correct term is 'Involuntary Street Performers.'
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Political correctness.

    .. Nobody seems sure what to call anything these days. Apart from politicians... They'll always be, "cvnts".
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What happens if you play country music

    backwards? your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man returns home a day early from a business

    trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $200, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses