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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 33,448 People

    Dave bursts into the house, "Daddy! My GPA is 3.78 on a scale of 4!" The father is amazed and says "This calls for a party." The father takes Dave on a ride around town to shopping...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand. - A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Domestic Scene.... A woman tells her husband: * I want a divorce and start a new life with another man! The husband: * Well, how are you finding another man who wants you? The...
    Kaddath Kaddath 41-45, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    Are My Testicles Black? - A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 25 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Italy Vs. Greece - A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have...
    deleted deleted 26-30 30 Responses May 10, 2011

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother - Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    A guy sits at the bar and orders a drink, a second later a real short guy jumps out of his shirt pocket and starts running up and down the bar knocking drinks over, kicking over...
    Mrperfectstranger Mrperfectstranger 51-55, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    I wish I could sleep buy my stupid ADHD kicks in and, well, basically, one sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old macdonald had a farm, heyyyyyyyyyyyyy macarena.
    dandydan1999 dandydan1999 51-55, M 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Man And The Cat - A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 8 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    This Is Priceless - I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 51 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Two children were in the Doctor's waiting room. The little girl started crying. Little boy asked her "Why are you crying?" The girl said "I'm here for blood test and the Doctor is...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    A man has got one of the new "smartwatches" and is bragging about his to a friend. "Wow, it can call, text, play movies, download games, it can do everything!" his friend cries...
    HeartOfNature HeartOfNature 13-15, F 1 Response 18 hrs ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha - All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 56-60, M 153 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    I just wanted to post a picture of my '****, it's a nice '****, pretty big '**** as well. Now you can't just grab my '****, picture only cause only I know how to stroke my...
    Mrperfectstranger Mrperfectstranger 51-55, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three...
    ButterflyEff3ct ButterflyEff3ct 18-21, F 11 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped! - A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 44 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    a Woman's Ultimate Fantasy - A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy... In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 98.8% of the...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 18, 2006

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    A Mature Lady - A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 84 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Confucius says... Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants. Confucius says... If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient. Confucius says...
    halo198 halo198 51-55, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever - A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a...
    ExtremeNextHTNF ExtremeNextHTNF 26-30, F 52 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed - WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The...
    climber1 climber1 61-65, M 41 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Silk Pyjamas - A man called home to his wife and said: "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This...
    EbonyLady EbonyLady 41-45, F 41 Responses Aug 21, 2011

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    A Man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says "I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers" The man goes "Thank god I don't have cancer"
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    A boy sends a text BOY: Hey GIRL (to herself): OMG..he jst texted me..I wonder what he wants..maybe he just wants to talk..or maybe he's mad at me, but all he said was hey.. I...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes - A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 146 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Here's a riddle for ya: So a man walks out of his house to hunt for bears, he walks 2 miles south, then 3 miles east. To get home he goes 2 miles north. What colour was the bear...
    OscarMC OscarMC 18-21, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly just how long it would be before she could resume her sex life...
    AgingGracefully AgingGracefully 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat - Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines...
    deleted deleted 26-30 50 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like....... - Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat...
    linda linda 21-25, F 39 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". So the lion starts rushing towards the...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats: - The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 27 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    "dad, What Is Politics?" - A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 15 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Daily Joke 10-31-2006 - I start with a 'safe' joke about a blonde girl... (he thats me ;-) ) A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Oct 31, 2006

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That - There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 20 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain. The doctor examines him and asks, "Tell me, what happened to your back?" The patient replies...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    "Dear person who stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find you. You have my word." LOL.
    janedeuxtrois janedeuxtrois 18-21, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    And if you think lawyers don't have hearts. Read the best lawyerstory of all time...bar none. The United Way Health Research Foundation realized that it had never received a...
    Kaddath Kaddath 41-45, M 5 Responses 2 hrs ago

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    What did the egg day to the pot of boiling water? "I'm going to have difficulty getting hard since I just got laid by a chic. "
    chastewhisperer chastewhisperer 41-45, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Eight men have been at a mental hospital for a period of time and are being tested to find out how they are progressing in order for them to leave the institution. The doctor in...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 5 days ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006 - Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat. One day, the horse became ill. So he called the veterinarian, who said, "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    2 kids were deciding what game to play. One said "Lets play doctors and patients" The 2nd kid answered "Ok, you'll be the doctor, I'll sue".
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??" - "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 65 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is...
    MrsH2010 MrsH2010 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    My Daily Joke .... Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? - Why did the chicken cross the road?: PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. DR. SEUSS: Did...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Nov 5, 2006

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    why are tumblr girls and white girls so helpless? because they cant even! hehe wait im on tumblr...****
    mackeffingmiller mackeffingmiller 13-15, M 1 Response 11 hrs ago

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    If you have a ship made of 100 planks of wood, and over time replace every single, but keep all the old planks and build a ship with the old planks Which ship is the original ship...
    Guitarhero226 Guitarhero226 18-21, M 6 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral - This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital...
    deleted deleted 26-30 69 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Walmart Shopper - After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very...
    deleted deleted 26-30 110 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    The Irish Prostitute - An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child...
    deleted deleted 26-30 63 Responses Jan 3, 2011