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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 54,382 People

    Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill

    for men? It changes their blood type.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 3 days ago

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    Out of the mouth's of BabesA Sunday school

    teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
    eyeno eyeno 61-65, M 1 day ago

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    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction

    center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather...
    itsoneofus itsoneofus 36-40, F 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 148 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    There is a square house.

    All four walls are facing south. A bear is running towards the house. What color is the bear?
    Benstar56 Benstar56 36-40, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    OwnedFour high school boys afflicted with

    spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper. " Still smiling, she waited for...
    eyeno eyeno 61-65, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

    Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Why don't cannibals eat Irish people?

    The last time they threw one in the cooking pot, he ate all the potatoes.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Priceless . . . . . .

    . . A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 61-65, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    Benstar56 Benstar56 36-40, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man gets married and shortly afterwards his

    wife dies. A friend tries to console him and asks, "What happened to your wife?" "She died of poison from eating mushrooms," said the husband. This man gets married a second time, and not long after the marriage, this second wife dies. The same friend tries to console...
    silentkillxc1 silentkillxc1 18-21, F 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?

    Sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 61 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST ?

    The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first? Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.' 'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?' Suzy replied...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 31 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    The Four Cats Four men were bragging about how

    smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 56 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    An old man walks into a bar

    and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball. "I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?" The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three...
    caddriss caddriss 36-40, F 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    You might not know this.

    ..but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female, EXAMPLES: FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them. PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 4 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Three priests met up an were talking,

    they then decided to make a pact to be sincere with each other and talk about their problems The idea was to confess to each other but whatever was said was to be kept a secret only among the three of them The first priest said "my only problem is money , I steal from the...
    missreeedy missreeedy 31-35, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    The teacher asks the 5th graders what commodity

    they'd like best. Little Alice raises her hand and says"Gold". The teacher asks why. Alice says gold is worth lots of money and then she'd be able to buy a Corvette! Teacher asks "anyone else"?. Little Suzy raises her hand and says "Platinum". The teacher asks why. Suzy says...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 3 days ago

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    Four old retired guys are walking down a street

    in Adelaide, Australia. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    THE IRISH CHRISTENING Paddy's pregnant sister

    was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in a coma for nearly six months, she woke up and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically she asked the doctor about her baby. The doctor replied, “You had twins, a boy and a girl. The babies are...
    csouls csouls 31-35, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Q: Why can't Elton John drive faster

    than 68mph? A: Because at 69 he blows a rod.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor

    for a check-up, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious... Here she is...in the middle of dealing with this Libyan mess...now this has happened to her! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "You bastard! How could you have let...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    Old men may walk slowly,

    but they think FAST An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 days ago

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 52 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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