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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 49,012 People

    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    A man is not complete

    until he is married...then he's FINISHED!
    alanbt alanbt 61-65, M 4 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    TheNameIAlwaysWanted TheNameIAlwaysWanted 16-17, T 3 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    A poor guy says to a rich guy,

    I know every song known to man. The rich man says I will give you all my money if you can sing a song with my daughter's name breesha, the poor man went home rich. What song does he sing? Answer in comments
    kitty609 kitty609 18-21, F 4 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    So God is getting a bit bored in heaven,

    and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't...
    KatieTreat KatieTreat 51-55, T 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.

    'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly'
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 53 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 33 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    I was in the pub with a mate

    who had married a Muslim chick and recently converted to Islam. Thanks to Ramadan, he wasn't drinking. I said, "Mate, you're taking this thing pretty seriously." He said, "Well, yeah. I want to be a Muslim and I respect my wife's views." I said, "Mate, you can't do both."
    KatieTreat KatieTreat 51-55, T 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside

    when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    A grasshopper is nothing

    but a mosquito gone hulk! :p
    alexgabriel alexgabriel 22-25, M 1 Response 8 hrs ago

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    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 52 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do

    after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped his arse.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?

    A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    hengam hengam 31-35, M 3 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 60 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    TheNameIAlwaysWanted TheNameIAlwaysWanted 16-17, T 1 Response 1 day ago

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 52 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 69 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Q: What's worse than seeing a caterpillar in

    the apple you're eating right now? A: A half caterpillar!
    Janeishere Janeishere 18-21, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Q: How can you tell if a ***** was made in the

    70s? A: Even the guys' penises have sideburns.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 55 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.

    One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet." They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?" The other replies, "I'm having a ball!" Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you...
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Q: How did Captain Hook die?

    A: He wiped his bum with the wrong hand.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    I asked God "Why did you make Wifes,

    they made life miserable for Mens?" God Replied "I just made Woman, you made her Wife. Your problem" LOL
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 37 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    A little girl asked her mum:'How was the human

    race created ? ' The mother replied 'God made Adam and Eve , and they had children and so on and so forth' When the girl asked he dad later he said 'We evolved from monkeys years ago' So the girl went back and confronted her mum , mum replied 'Well it's simple really , I...
    missreeedy missreeedy 31-35, F 17 Responses 1 day ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 62 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream

    while having sex? A. Call her and tell her.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    Two flies sit on a pile of poop.

    One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey, do you mind? I'm eating here."
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench,

    and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, and the third lady's arm was too short to reach.
    Johndoe10000 Johndoe10000 46-50, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Your morning groan break (7)

    What is favorite answer? Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * His last battle. Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * At the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * Liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    andreadonnan andreadonnan 31-35, F 4 Responses 1 hr ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our

    ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person: THIS IS QUOTED...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 22 hrs ago

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