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I Love Jokes And Riddles

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    A new perspective on an age old question.

    why did the chicken cross the road? DONALD TRUMP: All Mexican chickens who wish to cross this road must submit to a complete background check, and full body search. BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken...
    evienneOwnedByMasterBlaise evienneOwnedByMasterBlaise 41-45, F 5 Responses 15 hrs ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    On the outskirts of a small town,

    there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down...
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 1 Response 3 hrs ago

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    We were dressed and ready to go out

    for a dinner and theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    A newlywed couple just moved into their new

    house. One day, the wife asked her husband, “Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?” The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like — Mr. Plumber?” A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. “Honey, the car won’t...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 17 Responses Jan 19

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    arsenicsunrise arsenicsunrise 26-30, F 8 Responses 4 days ago

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    Running Away Does Not Help You With Your

    Problems, Unless You Are Fat.
    Yash144 Yash144 18-21, M 3 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 57 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Did you hear about the chameleon

    who couldn't change colors? He had a reptile dysfunction. What did the black man say to his wife when he got home from work? He said "Hi honey. I am home from work. How are you?" If you thought this was a racist joke then the joke is on you.
    theguywiththeredhair theguywiththeredhair 18-21, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 33 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 63 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 20 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again,

    asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked. Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me", she said and...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    the Father at our church came up with this

    Squirrel joke. So true. In a small rural city all the churches were having squirrel invitation problem. So all Churches have there separate meeting on the issue. the Presbyterian decided that the Squirrels were here before the Church so they just have to put up with them. The...
    hyrok40 hyrok40 36-40, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 37 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    More of a story than a joke

    but whatever mr and mrs Ato were going to have twin boys they wanted unique names but had no clue where to start eventually they settled in naming the children pat and Tom If you don't get it read below Their names are pat-ato and tom-ato
    jbrown1635 jbrown1635 18-21, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A woman walks into a chemist’s

    and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Would you like to buy some?’ ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman. ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’ LOL ;-)
    diana19 diana19 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    Rules for Bedroom Golf 1.

    Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 6 days ago

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    You know what's worse

    than being in love with Honest Abe with ADD? Exactly. Nothing.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    How much do pirates pay

    for corn A buccaneer
    jbrown1635 jbrown1635 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Half of the time I tell a joke- the joke is me

    because I make no sense 😂😝😭👌😆😎
    Jaazz1987 Jaazz1987 16-17 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 52 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle,

    they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them... 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Him: am a politician,

    and i am honest Her: am a prostitute, and i am virgin
    Randomstalker Randomstalker 31-35, F 1 Response 4 days ago

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    After eight days of backpacking with my wife,

    we were looking pretty scruffy. One morningshe came to breakfast in a baseball cap, hershoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles. "Darling," she said, "does my hair make melook like a water buffalo?" I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell youthe truth, do you promise...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

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    A woman was driving down the highway about 75

    miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, there were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles an hour. The next time she looked around, there were three cops...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    Life is like a box of chocolates,

    it won't last long if you're fat
    Dazzer2K Dazzer2K 26-30, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    A man walked out to the street

    and immediately catches a taxi in New York City. The cabbie says, "Perfect timing, you're just like Brian. " Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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