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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 58,725 People

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    LickityLickitySQUIRRT LickityLickitySQUIRRT 51-55, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    A Romantic guy got two wishes from God.

    He immediately wished for the best DRINK and the best WOMAN. He got... Mineral Water and Mother Teresa. Moral: Investment is subject to market risks. Please read the offer document carefully before investing!😝😜😂 😝😛😂😝😜😂
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Another Irish joke and riddle.

    I so love the father's reaction.   
    ladyryan ladyryan 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A little old lady sold pretzels on a street

    corner for a dollar each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand he would leave her a dollar, but never take a pretzel. This offering went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 3 days ago

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    Irish Quickies Paddy shouts frantically into

    the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!" An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    My wife was dying. I was by her bedside.

    She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" i said, "There's nothing to confess. Everything's all right." "No I must die in peace. I slept with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "That's why I...
    leon169 leon169 51-55, M 1 Response 23 hrs ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 67 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Which came first, the egg

    or the chicken? The rooster.
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 60 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    khenpal khenpal 51-55, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    A young man was astonished one morning

    when he went to use the bathroom and noticed his penis has a distinct orange hue. He decided to visit his doctor right away. The doctor performed a thorough examination, noting the strange orange color of the man's organ. He began asking questions to see what could have led to...
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 1 Response 4 hrs ago

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    A magician worked on a cruise ship.

    The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 6 Responses 3 days ago

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    luvabl3 luvabl3 18-21, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    It was mailman George's last day on the job

    after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 15 hrs ago

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    I had a friend who got his left arm

    and leg amputated...he's all right now! Get it?
    Kbrabbit Kbrabbit 18-21, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 80 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

    It's impossible to put down!
    jellyfishz jellyfishz 13-15, T 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    A guy was sitting in a bar.

    He was the only person there, except for the bartender who was all the way at the other end of the bar cleaning some glasses. Suddenly, the man heard a voice that seemed to come from right next to him say, "Nice shirt." The startled man looked all around, but there was no one...
    ScooterDawg ScooterDawg 41-45, M 3 hrs ago

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    There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called

    Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too...
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    Use ur brain.. Crack d below question .

    . Mr. Ryan went to the Market with his Dog.. He rode on a horse to the Market, but walked till market. The horse's name was victory and dog was from south africa.... What is the Name of the Dog that went to the Market?? ?????? Answer.........?????
    shubh422 shubh422 22-25, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 56 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 34 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    If you look you cannot see me.

    And if you see me you cannot see anything else. I can make anything you want happen, but later everything goes back to normal. What am I?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    Danny was running really late

    for something. So, he got his father's black Mustang and whooshed away in no time. The car's lights were not working for some reason, and even the moon was not out. Out of nowhere, a cat came in the middle of the street. Luckily, Danny somehow managed not to hit it. Phew! How...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 5 Responses 3 days ago

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    There are sixty cups on a table.

    If one falls down, then how many remain?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 15 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    How did Mark legally marry three women in

    Michigan, without divorcing any of them, becoming legally separated, or any of them dying?
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    The paragraph below is very unusual.

    How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about it? "Gatsby was walking back from a visit down in Branton Hill's manufacturing district on a Saturday night. A busy day's traffic had its noisy run; and with not many folks in sight, His Honor got along without having to stop...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 7 Responses 3 days ago

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    my girl thinks I'm crazy Caz

    when I laugh I don't make a sound
    169pm 169pm 22-25, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    a farmer goes to the same hardware store

    for years and years never says much just gets what he needs and goes home. one year the hardware store decided to open a booth at the fair.and they invite their customers to stop in while at the fair and telling them they all get a free prize just for coming by.well the farmer...
    Kentex Kentex 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 35 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 67 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer)

    could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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