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I Love Jokes And Riddles

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    arsenicsunrise arsenicsunrise 26-30, F 8 Responses 2 days ago

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    the Father at our church came up with this

    Squirrel joke. So true. In a small rural city all the churches were having squirrel invitation problem. So all Churches have there separate meeting on the issue. the Presbyterian decided that the Squirrels were here before the Church so they just have to put up with them. The...
    hyrok40 hyrok40 36-40, M 1 Response 14 hrs ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Why did the math book look

    so sad? Because it had so many problems. Decimals have a point. Why do plants hate math? Because it gives them square roots.http://www.kidsmathgamesonline.com/funstuff/mathjokes.html
    whitesunshine87 whitesunshine87 51-55, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 33 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    A woman was driving down the highway about 75

    miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, there were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles an hour. The next time she looked around, there were three cops...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 20 hrs ago

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    A priest was called away

    for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 8 Responses 5 days ago

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    Him: am a politician,

    and i am honest Her: am a prostitute, and i am virgin
    Randomstalker Randomstalker 31-35, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 59 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    After eight days of backpacking with my wife,

    we were looking pretty scruffy. One morningshe came to breakfast in a baseball cap, hershoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles. "Darling," she said, "does my hair make melook like a water buffalo?" I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell youthe truth, do you promise...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 63 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Very Simple. Very easy.

    Very simple. Very Easy. "Timmy cannot tie his own shoelaces, but he can tie Joe's" What can't you picture?
    ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT ONESTARRYSTARRYNIGHT 26-30, F 2 Responses 5 hrs ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    tifalufairah tifalufairah 13-15, F 6 days ago

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    this is website is full of jokes love it

    http://unlimitedshortjokes.weebly.com/
    Kyle178 Kyle178 22-25, M 6 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 28 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Half of the time I tell a joke- the joke is me

    because I make no sense 😂😝😭👌😆😎
    Jaazz1987 Jaazz1987 16-17 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    A skin have I, more eyes

    than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I
    Arlys Arlys 51-55, M 4 Responses 4 days ago

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    An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks,

    still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle,

    they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them... 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Recently at a class reunion a friend brought up

    a incident that happened 45 years ago or so that I had forgotten. The comic books back then had this page selling things like: trick baseballs, itching powder, onion gum and X-RAY GLASSES. We had to get the x-ray glasses and of course they couldn't even see through a sheet of...
    Golondrinas Golondrinas 51-55, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    A woman walks into a chemist’s

    and asks if they sell extra-large condoms. ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant. ‘Would you like to buy some?’ ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman. ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’ LOL ;-)
    diana19 diana19 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Best Aussie Joke Of The Year.

    Sheila,the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Michael. "Michael,Michael " she yelled...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 45 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 37 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    Husband says to wife:

    why don't you tell me when your going to ******? Wife responds: I hate to bug you while your at work!
    Annie1920 Annie1920 31-35, F 3 Responses 6 days ago

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Never make a woman cry.

    ..There is nothing more expensive than a female tear...When a single drop of tear comes out, it first mixes with "Loreal" eye liner (Rs.650)& Dior mascara (Rs.2500)...Then when it rolls down the cheek, it mixes with D&G blusher (Rs.2500)...& finally when it touches the lips, it...
    om2013 om2013 22-25, M 5 Responses 5 days ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    A newlywed couple just moved into their new

    house. One day, the wife asked her husband, “Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?” The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like — Mr. Plumber?” A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. “Honey, the car won’t...
    Blanche08 Blanche08 31-35, F 17 Responses Jan 19

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 114 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    The Parrot Is Dead...

    . At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead". "My parrot? Dead? The one...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 52 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    I like cooking with wine.

    Sometimes I add it to the food too.
    Golondrinas Golondrinas 51-55, M 6 days ago

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    HERE, HAVE A JOKE IN SPANISH: "-sabe ingles?

    -si -como se dice "un zapato" en ingles -a shoe -salud -gracias"
    Zbeara Zbeara 22-25, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    A man went to a ***** club.

    When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "YEAH BABY! THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!" The man in the front row...
    openbook15 openbook15 26-30, M 2 Responses 20 hrs ago

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    We were dressed and ready to go out

    for a dinner and theatre evening. We turned on a 'night light', turned the answering machine on, covered our pet budgie and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local Taxi company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. As we...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Life is like a box of chocolates,

    it won't last long if you're fat
    Dazzer2K Dazzer2K 26-30, M 1 Response 3 days ago

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    Harry the Eagle waited at the nest

    for Mary, his darling of ten glorious years. When she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead! Harry was devastated. After about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate, but since there weren't any lady eagles...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013