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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 42,953 People

    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    What did the blonde say

    when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.
    linda linda 21-25, F 5 Responses 18 hrs ago

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 112 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 34 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 51 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    Wife: - I wish I was a newspaper -

    so I would be in your hands all day long. Husband: - I also wish that you were a newspaper, so I could have a new one every day.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    A blonde comes to driving practice test.

    She gets into the car and immediately the instructor says: - You have failed. Blonde: - But why, I have just got into the car. Instructor: - Yes, but you sat on the back seat.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    At the shop - Can I help you?

    - No. I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 10 hrs ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 54 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 18 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    Bad Parrott A young man named

    John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words...
    actionjake actionjake 56-60, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    A young monk arrived at the monastery.

    He was assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He noticed, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 10 Responses 4 hrs ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 156 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    What starts with a P,

    ends with an E, and has thousands of letters?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    - Sex? - Seven to eleven times a week.

    - No, no... I mean male or female? - No difference, male, female, sometimes camel - Holy cow! - Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals. - But isn't that hostile? - Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it! - Oh dear! - No, no! Deer run too fast...
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Wife says to husband,

    "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 11 hrs ago

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    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 6 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    This word I know? Six letters it contains.

    Take away the last …. and only twelve remains. What is the word?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Two Tasmania's were sitting around talking one

    afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the first Tasmanian says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related? The second Tasmanian crooked his...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 1 day ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 151 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 54 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Husband: Honey, I have problems at work.

    Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are married, your problems are mine problems as well. Husband: ok. Then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 9 hrs ago

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    I'm so glad they don't have hot dogs at

    McDonalds. I don't think I could keep a straight face ordering a "McWiener" ;-D
    shakenama shakenama 41-45, M 3 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    After death a man reached at heaven gate.

    There he met St. Peter.... St. Peter: You have to answer a question after that you can enter. The man: What’s that? St. Peter : You have to spell a word. In case you fail, you will be taken to Hell. The man: Which word? St. Peter: “Love” The man: Okay, it’s “L-O...
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    HOLY PROSTITUTES A man is driving down a

    deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 21 hrs ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 68 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Take away my first letter,

    and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    Q: What did Adam say the day

    before Christmas? A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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    Two men were sitting in a bar at the top of the

    empire state building. One man turned to the other and said, "there is such an up draft here that you can jump out the window and the wind will blow you back in. Let, me show you..." He jumped out and within a few seconds he blew right back in the window. I second man, said...
    tryingagainII tryingagainII 56-60, M 6 Responses 1 day ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 48 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 41-45, F 50 Responses Mar 10

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    A young couple, on the brink of divorce,

    visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife, "What's the problem?" She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ***********." The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?" The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not...
    orgasmic27 orgasmic27 26-30, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at

    the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response 19 hrs ago

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 56 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    What does December have

    that other months don’t have?
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 3 Responses 10 hrs ago

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    A guy asks his friend: - Have you talked to the

    hero, who has saved you mother-in-law from drowning in the river? - Yes I did. He came and apologised.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 9 hrs ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 116 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    A woman killed her partner

    after years of abuse. She was acquitted when it came to light that the only reason she had let him move in was because the landlord wouldn't let her have a cat.
    chanelP chanelP 41-45, F 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    An Italian, a Scotsman,

    and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site. The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then...
    mzkayz mzkayz 31-35, F 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 20 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Mother to son: Who is Ttipu sultan ?

    son: Don't know. Mother: sometime give attention to study also Son to mother: who is chinku aunty? Mother: don't know; Son: sometime give attention to Dad also.
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35 2 Responses 2 hrs ago

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