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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 56,867 People

    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 56 Responses May 5, 2011

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    You know you're getting old

    when the **** you bring home is titled, "Debbie does Dialysis."
    Northstar133 Northstar133 56-60, M 2 days ago

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 52 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196

    of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 4 Responses 16 hrs ago

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    A police officer pulls over an elderly female

    for speeding while driving her husband to a doctor’s appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding." The...
    ccrider63 ccrider63 61-65, M 1 Response 5 hrs ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    Hahahahahaahhaha Check this out.

    Its very interesting and Educative. If: A B C D E F G H I J K LM N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is equal to; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K ; 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E ; 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96% L+O+V+E...
    Rosalindaag Rosalindaag 18-21, F 19 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 61 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each

    other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the rabbi...
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    A sailors ship is pulling into home port

    after being out to sea for 8 months. He sees his wife waiting for him on the dock. He's a signal man who's been a sailor for a few years and they have worked out some signals of their own by now. She signals to him, EF. He signals back, FF. She returns with , EF. He signals back...
    jayciedubb jayciedubb 46-50, M 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 30 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 17 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    A cop pulled a guy over

    for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged: Cop: May I see your driver's license? Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Cop: May I see the owner's card for the vehicle? Driver: It's not my vehicle. I stole it. Cop...
    IrishHarley IrishHarley 26-30, F 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 68 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 38 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Two drunks on their way home from a late party

    are arguing over the time. One says to the other: "Look is that the sun or the moon up there?" "How the hell should I know? You know I'm not from round here ....."
    kmf456 kmf456 56-60, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 113 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 24 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 22-25, F 33 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 149 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 22-25, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 101 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    An Illegal Immigrant picks up a hooker.

    "Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks. "$100," she replies. In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?" "No," she says. "I pay you $200 to do immigrant style." "No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is. "I pay you $300." "No," she says...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two Neighbors John and Raff were talking to

    each other Raff - We always hear loud laughter voices from your house. Whats the reason for such wonderful family time? John - Nthg Bro, My wife throws shoes and other items on me in anger.. If it hits me, She Laughs loud and it don't hit me.. I laugh Louder. Amen our life...
    wintersecret wintersecret 31-35, M 1 Response 21 hrs ago

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    A man walks into a bar to avoid the rain.

    He walks over and pulls up a seat at the bar. "Gim'me a beer, please." He says to the bar tender. The bartender hands him his beer and then moves to the other end of the bar to stock. As the man looks around the empty room he hears a small voice say, "Nice hair cut." He looks...
    IrishHarley IrishHarley 26-30, F 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Ever since my dad told me one of his dad jokes,

    I loved hearing and telling jokes and riddles. Thanks, dad
    aprisonerofazkaban aprisonerofazkaban 22-25, F 8 hrs ago

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    Skinny Dipping An elderly man in Florida had

    owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Colonoscopy All the organs of the body were

    having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 9 Responses 3 days ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 54 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS STORY Lawyers Don't Lie.

    A lawyer had a wife And 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    My wife was furious when she found an old sex

    tape I'd made a few years ago in the back of a wardrobe. "So I messed around before we got together" I said. "Big deal." "Big deal?" She snapped. "You're wearing your wedding suit in it!''
    tripwithzip tripwithzip 26-30 4 Responses 3 days ago

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    Two old guys are sitting in a bar

    when the first one says, "Ya know, when I was thirty and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands. By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about twenty degrees, no Problem. I'm...
    csouls csouls 36-40, M 4 days ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    THE FRIDGE! I got home from work

    and found the missus had left a post-it note on the fridge saying "It's no good, it's not working, I'm staying at mums for a while" I opened it, the light came on, the beer was well chilled. Who knows what she was on about?
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 1 Response 9 hrs ago

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 67 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom,

    was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands... "Dear, Dad. It...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 33 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 46-50, F 61 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 155 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Professor : What inspired you to make this

    essay? Student: The due date -_-
    DeathThrone DeathThrone 22-25, F 2 days ago

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    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 52 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    Ahaha this is one my friend

    and I came up with one day while watching tv, & eating craft dinner. Lmao it's racist, don't take it seriously. Why don't black people go on cruises? B/c they're not falling for that again (in a cop car.)
    Jackway Jackway 18-21, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Ms. Jones third grade glass had all brought her

    birthday gifts. After spending most of the morning opening them she was down to the last three students. Little Susie approached her smiling softly and handed her a box. Ms. Jones smiled back and said, “I bet I know what this is.” Little Susie laughed and shook her head...
    IrishHarley IrishHarley 26-30, F 6 Responses 4 days ago

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    Did you hear about the religious believer

    that went down to Mexico and broke the law and was put in jail? He finally realized it just wasn't a good thing getting Jesus into you.
    KSPerson KSPerson 46-50, M 1 day ago

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    What goes up a chimney down

    but not down a chimney up? An umbrella XD
    Aniceguy2talkto Aniceguy2talkto 13-15 2 Responses 1 day ago

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