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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 49,360 People

    The Type Of Lover

    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door." John says, "Well, give me some examples." Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a...
    1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 21 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 36-40, F 47 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 18-21, F 38 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 22-25 67 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental

    hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Director of Nursing...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 61-65, M 12 Responses 1 day ago

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 22-25, F 54 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 69 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

    I have been with a loose girl." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so...
    tittickler tittickler 36-40, F 50 Responses Mar 10, 2014

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    omarrochet omarrochet 18-21, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 18-21, F 36 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    What did the bird say

    when it flew over k-mart? -Cheap, cheap.
    blughost blughost 22-25, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 60 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road

    and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver's window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of ALCOHOL." She...
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Italian Funeral A Jewish man was leaving a

    convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    Everybody on earth dies

    and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to form two queues -- one line for the men that dominated their women on earth, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." The next time God looked...
    2015ishere 2015ishere 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    A Funny Case Of Kiss And A Slap - must read it .

    A Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train . And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends... . The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark... . Suddenly There Is A...
    AlphaLion AlphaLion 22-25, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    https://scontent-mia.

    xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xap1/v/t42.1790-2/10898434_419218451562821_1341094571_n.mp4?oh=3a3a8c5358c623335a64fc829d50fb9c&oe=54F9F1A5
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 22-25, F 2 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 18-21, F 21 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 22-25, M 55 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    Two blondes were talking

    when one says to the other, "Which do you think is father away, Florida or the moon?" The other replies, "Hellooooo, can you see Florida?"
    silentwriter180 silentwriter180 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 hr ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 22-25 35 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 36-40 40 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    https://scontent-mia.

    xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xfp1/v/t42.1790-2/10983483_900557886642276_1569174977_n.mp4?oh=beb9fad6b46dc8c9e230af066484ae8d&oe=54F9F4B8
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 22-25, F 11 hrs ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 31-35, M 100 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 11 hrs ago

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    TheNameIAlwaysWanted TheNameIAlwaysWanted 16-17, T 1 Response 2 days ago

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    omarrochet omarrochet 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    Son: Dad, l got selected

    for the role of 'husband' in a play ! Dad: Idiot! Ask your teacher for a role which has dialogues.??
    2015ishere 2015ishere 36-40, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    https://scontent-mia.

    xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xpf1/v/t42.1790-2/10980984_627336460705519_1638969741_n.mp4?oh=1cfd9b7660b64fc61e54138ec0b6eb6b&oe=54F9E228
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 22-25, F 1 Response 13 hrs ago

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    https://scontent-mia.

    xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xfp1/v/t42.1790-2/1029198_628588973913601_1599509545_n.mp4?oh=4bdd98352cfbb40cc200a79c5636d95f&oe=54F9D86C
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 22-25, F 14 hrs ago

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    Puns for Educated Minds How does Moses

    make his tea? Hebrews it.... Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 6 Responses 2 days ago

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 22-25 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    A young woman all excited called up her local

    police department and said, "I have a sex maniac in my apartment!" The officer at the other end said, "We'll be right over lady." The woman said, "Can you wait till morning?"
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I want a job cleaning mirrors.

    It's something I can really see myself doing.
    hannahlulz hannahlulz 18-21, F 8 Responses 1 day ago

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 51-55, F 33 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    https://fbcdn-photos-d-a.

    akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-0/11025135_633413940097771_9041716189776101097_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=95ceec7b6e17fba61a8d1d0f1b2b5340&oe=5582B914&__gda__=1435744126_c5bdf4ab318bda5d21bbff709dcfe1ca
    BIPUSSY BIPUSSY 22-25, F 2 Responses 14 hrs ago

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    A policeman pulled a blonde over

    after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: "Do you know where your going?" Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
    lovingCuteSmartGirl lovingCuteSmartGirl 18-21, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 157 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 18-21, F 33 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 16 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 31-35, M 148 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore,

    they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years...
    Rusham Rusham 66-70, M 3 Responses 9 hrs ago

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    So once my friend kept making jokes about my

    height, since I'm 4'10. He made some stupid puns and jokes that made me end up throwing his phone across the room. He looked me at with some surprised face then slowly whispered in my ears, "Jesus, Destrey.. Are you short-tempered?" Him and his puns. .-.
    HellNotHallelujah HellNotHallelujah 18-21, F 9 Responses 2 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 36-40, F 60 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    A couple is lying in bed.

    The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
    2015ishere 2015ishere 36-40, F 12 Responses 2 days ago

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    Why do ghosts love elevators?

    Because they lift their spirits.
    TheNameIAlwaysWanted TheNameIAlwaysWanted 16-17, T 2 Responses 4 hrs ago