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I Love Jokes And Riddles

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 36,500 People

    Cyber Sex Chat

    Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an...
    deleted deleted 26-30 52 Responses May 5, 2011

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    Riddle Me This, Riddle Me That

    There was once this man who requested to see both heaven and hell before dying. So when he went to hell, he saw people sitting around a circle table with the food in the center trying to feed themselves with ten foot long chopsticks. They were all starving because of it. Then...
    iriseyes iriseyes 21-25, F 22 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Anger Managment

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it...
    TheOneyouwerewarnedabout TheOneyouwerewarnedabout 70+ 35 Responses Aug 27, 2012

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    Juan said to his friend Pedro: Why is it

    that every time I bring a girl friend? My mother doesn't like it? His friend Pedro said: why don't you Bring a girl that's look like your mother? Juan reply! I did but my father doesn't like it!
    Bluejec19 Bluejec19 41-45, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    This Is Priceless

    I used to be like this... Then I met a girl... She was like this... Together, we were like this... I gave her gifts like this... When she accepted my proposal, I was like this... I used to talk to her all night like this.. And at the office I used to do this... When my friends...
    happinesswinsxx happinesswinsxx 41-45, F 56 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Daily Joke 11-1-2006

    Too Many Buttons A gentleman had a serious problem. He made several attempts to enter the men's washrooom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking strangely, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she...
    linda linda 21-25, F 32 Responses Nov 1, 2006

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    Riddle: Angel and Dory were found on the ground

    gasping for air surrounded by glass and water. The person who found them quickly got a glass of water for them and they were fine. What happened to Angel and Dory?
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    A Mature Lady

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one...
    darkice123 darkice123 36-40, M 89 Responses Sep 28, 2012

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    The Man And The Cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast...
    CassiaDream CassiaDream 18-21, F 11 Responses Apr 24, 2013

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    What's the difference between a new husband

    and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

    Men Are Like... Men are like a deck of cards.... You need a heart to love them A Diamond to marry them A Club to beat them And a spade to bury the bastards
    linda linda 21-25, F 39 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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    "dad, What Is Politics?"

    A little boy goes to see his Dad and asks, "Dad, What is politics?" His Dad says: "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're...
    righteouschica righteouschica 18-21, F 22 Responses Sep 18, 2012

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    Cardiologist's Funeral

    This would be an acceptable reason to laugh at a funeral... A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital where he had worked for most of his life. A huge heart, covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all...
    deleted deleted 26-30 70 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    Walmart Shopper

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...
    deleted deleted 26-30 111 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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    Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?

    So they can find their way back to the house.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    The Prisoner Has Escaped!

    A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the...
    BhabeDel BhabeDel 41-45, F 46 Responses Sep 2, 2012

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    AbbyBabe01 AbbyBabe01 13-15, F 1 Response 11 mins ago

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    Daily Joke 10-31-2006

    I start with a 'safe' joke about a blonde girl... (he thats me ;-) ) A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper...
    linda linda 21-25, F 37 Responses Oct 31, 2006

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    Never Assume That Men Understand.

    A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there...
    deleted deleted 26-30 115 Responses Dec 16, 2010

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    An engineer crosses a road

    when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 1 Response 21 mins ago

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    "why Don't You Please Shut Up??"

    "A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up...
    valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 75 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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    THE Blonde Joke to End All Blonde Jokes

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red > sports car and > was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a > blonde. > > The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's > license. She dug through her > purse and was...
    dasmuggler dasmuggler 36-40, M 147 Responses Jan 16, 2009

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    The Irish Prostitute

    An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru...
    deleted deleted 26-30 62 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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    Why Men Are Never Depressed

    WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack... You can be President. You can...
    climber1 climber1 66-70, M 44 Responses Mar 19, 2013

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    If u have any jokes can u tell some,

    I'm in the mood to listen to some :)
    hgscgirl hgscgirl 16-17, F 4 Responses 6 hrs ago

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    On their honeymoon, the new husband told his

    bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship. "What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly. "I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 7 Responses 1 day ago

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    During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally

    bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out, the...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 15 mins ago

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    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 13 mins ago

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    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 4 Responses 13 hrs ago

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    How To Lose Weight, For You Guys

    JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign...
    hellimus hellimus 26-30, M 53 Responses Sep 16, 2012

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    teacher: ok class before you go home i'm gonna

    give you the results of our last exam... ...juan, you've got 99!!! juan: (stands up) haaa!!! you heard that?? yes you are right!! im the most intelligent person in this class and you're all just a bunch of losers who are wasting your parents' money here!! if i were you i'd...
    ilovecavies ilovecavies 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very

    fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says "Who was that?" "Oh" replies the husband "she's my mistress...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York

    City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps...
    illusionlife illusionlife 36-40, F 1 Response 5 mins ago

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    : What stays in the corner

    and travels all over the world? A: A stamp.
    restored87 restored87 46-50, F 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    Just A Few Questions: Is there ever a day

    that mattress' are not on sale? How about Automobiles? Why isn't 911 pronounced Ninety Eleven? If it is true that we are here to help others, what are the others here for? What ever happened to Preparations A thru G? The Statistics on Mental Health say that 1 out of every 4...
    Xlandria61 Xlandria61 61-65, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Never Wax Your Hoo-ha

    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. Read on......... My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that...
    DEGBEME DEGBEME 61-65, M 153 Responses Feb 27, 2013

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    Husband: "This coffee isn't fit

    for a pig!" Wife: "No problem, I'll get you some that is."
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Italy Vs. Greece

    A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics" The Italian, nodding agreement, says...
    deleted deleted 26-30 31 Responses May 10, 2011

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    Counting... One, Two, Three....

    Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that...
    SaratogaGirl SaratogaGirl 26-30, F 49 Responses Jan 20, 2010

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    Dear Dogs And Cats:

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing...
    bijouxbroussard bijouxbroussard 46-50, F 29 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    Very Funny

    Someone passed this along to me and I just had to share it! HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...
    KerriJ1970 KerriJ1970 41-45, F 50 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    A man walked into a pet shop in Silicon Valley

    and said: “I’d like to buy a monkey” The salesman showed him three identical looking monkeys priced: $1,000; $2,000 and $5,000 The customer asked what the difference was. The salesman said: “The $1,000 monkey can touch-type, has basic computer skills including detailed...
    BigAsset BigAsset 36-40, M 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    How many men does it take to change a roll of

    toilet paper? Who knows? - did it ever happen??
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 2 days ago

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    Only Final Fantasy fans would get this :D Gamer

    Speed Dating B: I die... What do you do? G: Use a Phoenix Down B: We're done here! She's the one.
    fusoya fusoya 18-21, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    My Daily Joke...suspicious Mother

    Suspicious Mother Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and...
    linda linda 21-25, F 34 Responses Nov 6, 2006

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    Everyone was seated around the table

    as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away. "Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," the little boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    What is a man's idea of doing housework?

    Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
    Michael91142 Michael91142 70+, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    The Best Pick Up Line Ever

    A Scotsman walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman, he gives her a quick glance, then , casually looks at his watch for a moment Now, the woman notices this, and asks him, Is your date running late ? NO he replies i just got this "state of the art" watch...
    ExtremeNext ExtremeNext 26-30, F 60 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Are My Testicles Black?

    A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "Are my...
    Wistina Wistina 22-25, F 29 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    A little girl kicked a soccer ball.

    The ball went 10 feet and cameback to her. How is this possible? She kicked it up _____________________ What goes up and never comes down?  Age.  ______________________ You have 20 apples in a basket. 20 children come to you and each one of them ask for an apple. You...
    Loneliness78 Loneliness78 31-35, F 4 Responses 3 hrs ago

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    F0REVERY0UNG23 F0REVERY0UNG23 22-25, F 3 Responses 2 days ago

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    Mr And Mrs. Obama And Oprah...

    Flying on Air Force One, Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, 'You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy. Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills Out of the window and make ten people very...
    Helden Helden 31-35, F 14 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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    Here's a riddle I heard a long time ago in a

    game Where are all my believers? The sun is so far away. Tell me, what is this ship At the bottom of Vigo bay. The invading Spanish stole me Far from my sacred land But they were ultimately punished Revenges by dates cruel hand. What am I?
    isodole isodole 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 hrs ago

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