Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
" Father: "Why?" Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'" Father: "But that's right!" Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'" Father: "What's the ******* difference?" Boy: "That's exactly what I said!"
Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates.
As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat"
The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her...
when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a...
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the...
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and...
The names were Osh, Stosh and DuDa.Unfortunately, DuDa falls in the lake and drowns. After recovering the body, Osh says to Stosh, "Who's going to tell his poor wife." Osh says"You tell her Stosh, I don't have the heart". Stosh says" But I'm too nervous and I stutter badly". Osh...
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
1. Whenever i find the Key to Success, someone changes the lock.
2. The road to success is always under Construction
3. In order to get a loan, You first need to Prove that you don't need it
4. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or Married ;)
and we sat on the couch chatting. A Collie Dog walks in the room and sits down next to them. In the course of their conversation, John mentions how smart his dog was. He can talk and answer questions. I looked at incredulously and said, " I got to see this!:)
So he says to the...
and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
I'm now making a Jewish ***** film. 10% Sex, 90...
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.
The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided...
wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got
enough air in there?"
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall...
"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
"Give me $10 till payday." I asked, "When's payday?" He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"
A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"
Another bum told me, "I haven't tasted food all week." I told him...
and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
to which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole...
the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.
This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.
When a lady lay on the...
where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...
aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better."
When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach.
airport in Phoenix, awaiting their flight.
They are dressed in heavy boots, parka, scarf, mittens, all ready to head home to the Canadian winter.
An old American couple standing nearby in shorts are intrigued by their manner of dress.
The wife says to her husband, "Look at...
A: Nicole Richie's weight!
Q: Why was Nicole Richie released from jail after only 82 minutes?
A: She was only sentenced to jail for 2 minutes a pound!
Q: Why isn't Nicole Richie pregnant?
A: She just mistakening ate a tic-tac!
Q. Why were Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie...
to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
The Doctor says, "You'll...
who lie. He decides 2 test it during dinner.
DAD: Son, where were u 2day during school hrs?
SON: @ School. Robot slaps son!
SON: Ok, I lied, I went 2d movies.
DAD: W/c one?
SON: Toy Story.
Robot slaps son again!
SON: Ok, it was p0rn.
DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn't...
and one says to the other "Joe. I don't want to go to the Moon. I'd like to go to the Sun.". The other says" That's rediculous! If you go to the Sun, you'll burn up." That's OK the other astranaut says," We'll go at night":)))
driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the...
accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads... Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and s-e-x-y 18 year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him...
as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce.
The 'Thank You' email says:
"Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
In case you didn't already know this little tidbit of wonderful trivia...
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man...
After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls. Something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and ask her: "why do you love doing that?" because... She replied.." I really miss mine." Hahahaha !!!
Boy : No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy : No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy : No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i
Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3
property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I