chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that...
restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs...
the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the...
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
when they find a cave
with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of
David on the wall.
The head archaeologist points to the first drawing. "This indicates
that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem."
he says. "The donkey shows...
and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
The Jewish Quarterback!
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback.
He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a...
and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.
The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
who lie. He decides 2 test it during dinner.
DAD: Son, where were u 2day during school hrs?
SON: @ School. Robot slaps son!
SON: Ok, I lied, I went 2d movies.
DAD: W/c one?
SON: Toy Story.
Robot slaps son again!
SON: Ok, it was p0rn.
DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn't...
Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce.
The 'Thank You' email says:
"Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
from Georgia. The girl from Georgia says, "So where y'all from?"
Girl from Tennessee says, "Don't you know you shouldn't end a sentence with a proposition?💁🏼"
Girl from Georgia says, "So, where y'all from, c*nt?"
Boy : No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy : No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy : No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i
Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3
property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I
For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates.
As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat"
The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
Sorry Sir, I am using your wife day and night when you're not present at home. In fact,much more than you do. I confess this now because I'm feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincerest apologies.
The man is down with heart attack. A few minutes later, he...
Husband checks it and gets angry. He wakes his wife up.
Husband: (angry) Who is this person saying "beautiful"?
Surprised, wife checks her mobile phone.
Wife: (very angry) Hey! Use your magnifying glass... "It's not beautiful... It's battery full!!" hahaha!
dates were permitted only on Saturday night.
One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother." :) He said with...
jokes. The following is my poor attempt in cracking a yo mama joke without even really thinking it through.
Today, I got exasperated with my 8-year old daughter, Blueberry, that without thinking, I said, "Yo mama is fat!"
She looked at me and replied, "But you're my mama."
that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members...
Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through...
when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. “The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got...
and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into...
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.He seemed more amused.When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested...
who attended church services and taught Sunday School every week.
One Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was.
While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said...
and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not...