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I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,821 People

    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
    Sadie14 Sadie14 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    Grandmas Are Great

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 9 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    A secretary got an expensive pen

    as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce. The 'Thank You' email says: "Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 6 Responses Aug 8, 2014

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    Q: How do you eat a squirrel?

    A: You spread its little legs.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Boy : Marry me.. ? Girl: Do you have a house.

    .? Boy : No.. Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ? Boy : No.. Girl: How much is your salary.. ? Boy : No salary.. but,.. Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.! Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I still...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    A student is taking his final exams.

    He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks. The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on? 'I am only...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 5 Responses 1 day ago

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    Marriage Counsellor

    After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 10 Responses Aug 24, 2013

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    Ainn Ainn 31-35, F 1 Response 12 hrs ago

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    A teacher asks her class,

    "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 24, 2014

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    I asked a Chinese sexy girl

    for her number. She replied, sex sex sex free sex tonight' I said " wow" Then her friend said: She mean, 6663629.
    Sweetheart16 Sweetheart16 26-30, F 7 Responses 2 days ago

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    A husband and his wife went to court

    for mutual divorce. Judge: you have 3 kids how'll you divide them? The husband after having a long discussion to his wife said," sir we'll come back next year for one more child". And after 9 months they got twins :)
    Sweetheart16 Sweetheart16 26-30, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    A man escapes from prison

    where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 7 Responses Jan 1

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    A lady approaches her priest

    and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 3 Responses Dec 5, 2014

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    I don't have any jokes

    but I do enjoy them. I make jokes often and love having fun with them. I do know I go overboard with them sometimes but I love having a good laugh and trying to help people feel better by making them laugh. Now if you know me you know i'm not exactly the funniest or most...
    Raptax231 Raptax231 18-21, M 3 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

    For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates. As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat" The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
    Ridingtonewyork Ridingtonewyork 13-15, F 13 Responses Jul 27, 2014

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    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    At the mall Me: miss how much

    that poster of that beautiful girl? Saleslady: that's a mirror ma'am..
    Sweetheart16 Sweetheart16 26-30, F 2 days ago

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    If you're ever cold just stand in a corner.

    They're usually around 90 Degrees.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Dec 16, 2014

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    Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy,

    Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Feb 8

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    Pedro was conjugally a very experienced man

    when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive. On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, 'Pedro! What is that?' Pedro, a quick thinker, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these.' And then he proudly proceeded to...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 1 Response a week ago

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    Politicians A busload of politicians were

    driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 3, 2014

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    Couple is having a quickie

    and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 26, 2014

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    Police Officer: "How high are you?

    " Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 26, 2014

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    During a recent robbery in Hong Kong,

    the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the...
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 9 Responses Aug 30, 2014

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    After a bypass surgery a patient asks his

    doctor. "Can I have sex?" the doctor replied "Yes, but only with your wife. Your heart can't handle any excitement."
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Mildred, the church gossiper

    and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 2 Responses 1 day ago

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    A man has six children

    and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife 'Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 2 Responses Feb 16

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    Roses are red. Nuts are round.

    Skirts go up. Panties go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    For the Sexless Marriage Group

    Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.     ...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 9 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    After buying a Mega Millions,

    $20 dollar scratch off lottery ticket, a guy confronts his wife... "Honey, what would you do if I told you I won the lottery just now?" Seeing the ticket there in his hand she got super excited for a second before curtly replying, "I'd take my half and divorce your sorry...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a

    deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman...
    Callllie Callllie 70+, F 6 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    The Husband Store! (Joke) A store

    that sells husbands has just opened in NewYork City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as...
    IAMPINAY IAMPINAY 22-25, F 2 Responses Nov 9, 2014

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    Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish

    countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 2 Responses Feb 16

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    One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause,

    "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys

    sitting on a bench? A: The NBA.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    A wife comes home late one night

    and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she...
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 12 hrs ago

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    Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on,

    because the darks afraid of him..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    do u know wht hot dogs are made of,

    ???? lips and a$$ holes
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Q: What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?

    A: "You Beat It, beat it, and I'll comma comma
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Electric Fence / Lawn Mower

    If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 12 Responses May 28, 2012

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    A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

    Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 3 Responses 17 hrs ago

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    A married Irishman went into the confessional

    and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 5 Responses Feb 16

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    I have an eating disorder!

    I'm about to eat dis order of wings, dis order of fries, dis order of nuggets!
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 3 Responses 4 days ago

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    A Man's Wish A man was sick

    and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
    robbie1280 robbie1280 18-21, T 2 Responses Jun 10, 2014

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    This one is an absolute killer.

    Wife : Don't you have simple manners?......I'm speaking for hours and you keep yawning every minute. Husband : I'm not yawning... I'm trying to say something !!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 7 Responses Oct 21, 2014

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    Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high

    ***** count? A: You have to chew before you swallow!
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Man enters a drugstore

    and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?" to which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole...
    Ed360 Ed360 41-45, F 7 Responses Jun 3, 2014

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    Engineer In Hell An engineer dies

    and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
    fishsweeper fishsweeper 51-55, F 14 Responses Sep 11, 2014

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    in a public utility bus,

    3 armed young men stood up and said: robber: all, raise your hands up!! this is... (interrupted by a lady) lady: rape!! rape!! rape!! robber : stfo!! this is holdup not rape!! lady: ikr, im just suggesting tho.
    sexymommy2014 sexymommy2014 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Getting fit and fab..

    .... (Photo)
    redtigerhood911 redtigerhood911 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 6, 2014

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    Escaped Convict

    Escaped convict A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her...
    pmurillo pmurillo 26-30, F 6 Responses Sep 30, 2013

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    Roses are red that much is true,

    ,,,,, but violets are purple not f-king blue.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M