Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,899 People

    Marriage Counsellor

    After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 10 Responses Aug 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Escaped Convict

    Escaped convict A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her...
    pmurillo pmurillo 26-30, F 6 Responses Sep 30, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Couple is having a quickie

    and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If you're ever cold just stand in a corner.

    They're usually around 90 Degrees.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Dec 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.

    One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?" God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live." Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    teacher trying to pronounce getto names on the

    first day of class http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=y91EEYBo-3k
    Bluerosered Bluerosered 26-30, F Mar 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A lady approaches her priest

    and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 3 Responses Dec 5, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel
    Ainn Ainn 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man got an accident

    that makes his body divide into two. His left body was lost so only the right part of his nody was brought to the hospital. Know what the doctor said? "Wow. You are alright!"
    Fourtris143 Fourtris143 18-21, F 1 Response 4 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a

    deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman...
    Callllie Callllie 70+, F 6 Responses Jul 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Man's Wish A man was sick

    and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
    robbie1280 robbie1280 18-21, T 3 Responses Jun 10, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    in a public utility bus,

    3 armed young men stood up and said: robber: all, raise your hands up!! this is... (interrupted by a lady) lady: rape!! rape!! rape!! robber : stfo!! this is holdup not rape!! lady: ikr, im just suggesting tho.
    sexymommy2014 sexymommy2014 31-35, F Feb 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mildred, the church gossiper

    and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 3 Responses Feb 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What time is it when the elephant sits on the

    fence?.....................Time to buy a new fence!
    cbcs cbcs 31-35, M 2 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A married Irishman went into the confessional

    and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 5 Responses Feb 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    During a recent robbery in Hong Kong,

    the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the...
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 9 Responses Aug 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Grandmas Are Great

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 9 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One day the zookeeper noticed

    that the monkey was reading two books--the Bible and Darwin's "The Origin of Species." In surprise, he asked the monkey, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Boy : Marry me.. ? Girl: Do you have a house.

    .? Boy : No.. Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ? Boy : No.. Girl: How much is your salary.. ? Boy : No salary.. but,.. Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.! Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I still...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I don't have any jokes

    but I do enjoy them. I make jokes often and love having fun with them. I do know I go overboard with them sometimes but I love having a good laugh and trying to help people feel better by making them laugh. Now if you know me you know i'm not exactly the funniest or most...
    Raptax231 Raptax231 18-21, M 3 Responses Feb 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This one is an absolute killer.

    Wife : Don't you have simple manners?......I'm speaking for hours and you keep yawning every minute. Husband : I'm not yawning... I'm trying to say something !!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 7 Responses Oct 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A wife comes home late one night

    and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she...
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 1 Response Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Politicians A busload of politicians were

    driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Electric Fence / Lawn Mower

    If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 12 Responses May 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Redneck murders are hard to solve,

    all the DNA is the same and there are no dental records....:P
    LadyLouisiana LadyLouisiana 56-60, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Loving corny pick up lines such

    as "does your mom work at little Caesars (no) well that's to bad because you're hot and ready""
    JusticeNicole JusticeNicole 16-17, F 1 Response 3 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Serious Statement written outside a Women

    Footwear Outlet . . . . . . 70% Discount if you select within 5mins. 😆 ;))
    Aryg Aryg 36-40, F Mar 5

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An unbelieving Jew prays in the synagogue

    and cries. "What are you crying since you do not believe in God?" asks someone. "There are two possibilities," replied the weeping atheist, "either I'm wrong and there is indeed a God - then people have every reason to cry. Or maybe I'm right and he does not exist. - then...
    Soniador1963 Soniador1963 51-55, M Mar 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

    Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 3 Responses Feb 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was walking in the street

    when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    It's funny how red, white

    and blue represent freedom... Until they're flashing behind you
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M Feb 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A teacher is teaching a class

    and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two...
    kittykat419 kittykat419 18-21, F 3 Responses 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
    Sadie14 Sadie14 18-21, F 17 Responses Jul 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    " Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls. Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and ask her: "why do you love doing that?" because... She replied.." I really miss mine." Hahahaha !!!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 15, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A teacher asks her class,

    "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

    For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates. As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat" The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
    Ridingtonewyork Ridingtonewyork 13-15, F 16 Responses Jul 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a

    piece of cork up his a**. ''Why do you have a cork up your a**?" ''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!'''
    MsInvis MsInvis 46-50, F 2 Responses Mar 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A secretary got an expensive pen

    as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce. The 'Thank You' email says: "Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 6 Responses Aug 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Husband in a good mood: Darling,

    remember 25 years ago.... I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yrs old beautiful girl. Now I own a luxurious bungalow with, 4 LED TVs, a Limousine and a Porsche, servants... but I sleep...
    Ainn Ainn 31-35, F Mar 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man gets into an car accident

    and loses one eye. After the inflammation dies down and starts to heal, he visits an optometrist to get a replacement. The optometrist comes over and shows him the assortment of glass eyes he has available. While he's browsing, the optometrist says to him "I've got something...
    johnny253 johnny253 66-70, M 3 Responses Mar 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Police Officer: "How high are you?

    " Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Getting fit and fab..

    .... (Photo)
    redtigerhood911 redtigerhood911 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For the Sexless Marriage Group

    Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.     ...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 9 Responses Nov 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What's the difference between Batman

    and a black man? Batman can go out at night without "Robin"
    SadAlyssa SadAlyssa 13-15, F 6 Responses Mar 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A priest, a minister,

    and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 3 Responses 2 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel