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I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,828 People

    Hahahaha - 1)Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing. 2) Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven. 3) What do you do...
    princewilliamlol1234 princewilliamlol1234 18-21, M 5 Responses Sep 20, 2013

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    The Old Ones Are The Best - A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at...
    KatarinaVonSweet KatarinaVonSweet 36-40, F 10 Responses Mar 11, 2013

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    A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer. “I use them in my juggling act,” says the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 20

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    Deer Camp Four guys were at a deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 3

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    Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window Teacher : who just threw that?! Boy : Me! I’m going home now.
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M 2 Responses Apr 8

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    For the Sexless Marriage Group - Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 10 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    Two Blondes walked into a bar,..... The third on ducked.
    Peter123 Peter123 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Apr 8

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    A Lovely Poem - I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies! *** My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life...
    frankenstaine frankenstaine 26-30, M 4 Responses May 21, 2013

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    A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Mar 29

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    The Toy - The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Nov 1, 2013

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    The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me." "Can you tell me what comes after three?" "Four," answers little Johnny. "What...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Grandmas Are Great - A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    2 kids were deciding what game to play. One said "Lets play doctors and patients" The 2nd kid answered "Ok, you'll be the doctor, I'll sue".
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 2 days ago

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    " Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
    smokeyboat2 smokeyboat2 70+, M 6 days ago

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    Funny Ultimate Truths: - 1. Whenever i find the Key to Success, someone changes the lock. 2. The road to success is always under Construction 3. In order to get a loan, You first...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 8 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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    Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Marriage Counsellor - After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 10 Responses Aug 24, 2013

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    Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! One guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes! His friend says to him...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 9

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    Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s...
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 26

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    Three Little Pigs.... - One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.   She came to the part of the story where the first pig...
    diablesse34 diablesse34 46-50, F 6 Responses Nov 3, 2013

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    A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it...
    boxersoff4u boxersoff4u 51-55, M Apr 10

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    Hey U Know Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1 U Know Why?? If she accept its your luck otherwise just tell April Foooooll.
    rahatali1212 rahatali1212 18-21, M 1 Response 5 days ago

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    Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, May I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Three men had a very late night out drinking scotch whiskey. They left in the early morning hours and went home separately. They met for lunch next day, and compared notes about...
    pfloyd121 pfloyd121 46-50, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Fireman Costume - Man goes to a fancy dress party, wearing only a glass jar on his penis.A woman asks "What are you?"He says "I'm a fireman""But you're only wearing a glass jar...
    CazieM CazieM 26-30, F 5 Responses Aug 30, 2012

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    The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    "The internet shows us how small the world is . . . . . . . . but a missing plane shows, how big our planet is.. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx "There's a big difference...
    esteem29 esteem29 26-30, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Before And After Marriage - Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Oct 1, 2011

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    One day a lady walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Bad Example - One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said...
    enchantingjade enchantingjade 36-40 9 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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    A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car broke down. They set out to find help and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 19

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    One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M 2 Responses Apr 8

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    Divorce Vs Murder - A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide...
    wendysosa wendysosa 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 18, 2012

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    So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Tummy Trouble - A little boy wakes up during the night and walks into his parents room, and see's his mother bouncing up and down on top of his father.The parents stop and the...
    CazieM CazieM 26-30, F 2 Responses Aug 28, 2012

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    LIE - Why Women Lie - One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 4 Responses May 21, 2013

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    Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ' I. ' Johnny: I is.. Teacher: No, that's not correct Johnny. You should always say, 'I am.' Johnny: Okay, 'I am the ninth...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    ROBOT FOR SALE: A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that...
    InfiniteEnd InfiniteEnd 16-17, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking *******!
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 31

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    Animal Jokes Question And Answer Animal Jokes Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager. A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either. Q: Which side of a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    Escaped Convict - Escaped convict A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He...
    pmurillo pmurillo 26-30, F 4 Responses Sep 30, 2013

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    A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the...
    smokeyboat2 smokeyboat2 70+, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get...
    leoP87 leoP87 22-25, M Apr 8

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    Do you know what Heck is...? It is where you go when you don't believe in Gosh.
    Peter123 Peter123 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    WHTS BORWN 6 INCHES LONG AND 2 INCHES WIDE AND DRIVES WOMEN CRAZY???? A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL!!!
    sweettazzy sweettazzy 16-17, M 2 days ago

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    My friends and I have this running joke called "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem. "The problem is that whenever I type the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 5 days ago

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    Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother. “He thinks...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Apr 7

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