Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,558 People

    REST YOUR MIND I know you have been laying

    awake at night wondering why baby diapers have Brand names such as 'luvs, huggies, and pampers, while undergarments for old people are called Depends. Well here is the low down on the whole thing. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and...
    Gettingout72 Gettingout72 41-45, F 7 Responses Sep 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Popping the question Jimmie,

    an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship again. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty, silver-haired lady...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Jun 17

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls. Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and ask her: "why do you love doing that?" because... She replied.." I really miss mine." Hahahaha !!!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 15

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An 80-yr-old man asked his Wife: Do you feel sad

    when you see me running after young girls? Wife: No, not at all, even DOGS chase cars, but can't drive them!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 2 Responses Sep 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Engineer In Hell An engineer dies

    and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
    fishsweeper fishsweeper 51-55, F 10 Responses Sep 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Boy: "I got an F in arithmetic.

    " Father: "Why?" Boy: "The teacher asked 'How much is 2×3?' and I said '6'" Father: "But that's right!" Boy: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3×2?'" Father: "What's the ******* difference?" Boy: "That's exactly what I said!" LOL
    zoiera zoiera 26-30, F 3 Responses Oct 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Two old ladies are walking down the street

    and they come to this Billboard. It says in large letters "CONDOMINIUMS six Miles". One old lady says to the other, "Sex Sex Sex. That's all people think about:)
    ALincoln5 ALincoln5 66-70, M Oct 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man lays in a hospital bed talking to his

    wife. You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were...
    ALincoln5 ALincoln5 66-70, M 1 Response Oct 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A secretary got an expensive pen

    as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce. The 'Thank You' email says: "Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 7 Responses Aug 8

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    " Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    GetYourFreakOn GetYourFreakOn 16-17, F 2 Responses Oct 11

    Your Response

    Cancel
    MaKogaJeBriga MaKogaJeBriga 36-40, F 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    OMG , this is too funny !

    !!!!! Ok , I am European who grew up with middle eastern music , I'm totally mixed so I'm not really one or the other , but one thing is for sure my music MUST have soul and rhythm . My partner is American . I dance almost exactly like the girl in this video except I move my hips...
    MaKogaJeBriga MaKogaJeBriga 36-40, F 5 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Their is this good looking youngwoman

    who is learning to play golf and she hits a ball in the direction of a golfer and he immeditely drops clutching his manly jewels ..the lady is embarased and immediately makes up by suckin him off ..and ask does that help"""he says it was awsome just that my broken finger pains...
    romell romell 36-40, M Oct 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Man enters a drugstore

    and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?" to which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole...
    Ed360 Ed360 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 3

    Your Response

    Cancel
    BS1999 BS1999 13-15, M 3 Responses Sep 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Electric Fence / Lawn Mower

    If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
    Babydoll42 Babydoll42 41-45, F 13 Responses May 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A sadist, a masochist,

    a murderer, a necrophiliac, a zoophiliac and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophiliac. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it?" says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then...
    smokeyboat2 smokeyboat2 70+, M 4 Responses Apr 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A husband lying in the hospital talks to his

    wife.Ya know Martha You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing...
    ALincoln5 ALincoln5 66-70, M Oct 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Couple is having a quickie

    and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    God and an Honest Man One day,

    while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Funny Ultimate Truths:

    1. Whenever i find the Key to Success, someone changes the lock. 2. The road to success is always under Construction 3. In order to get a loan, You first need to Prove that you don't need it 4. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or Married ;) 5...
    traveller139 traveller139 22-25, M 7 Responses Jan 28, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Harry answers the telephone,

    and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life...
    HeadWithHeadphones HeadWithHeadphones 51-55 1 Response Oct 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Knock knock .........

    ........................?
    raymanrun raymanrun 46-50, M 2 Responses Oct 4

    Your Response

    Cancel

    haha may be a rude joke

    but oh well haha mainly for guys Guy- goes up to random girl and says do you **** when you first meet somebody? Girl- No. Guy- ohh okay well see you tomorrow xD
    ElChaparro ElChaparro 18-21, M Oct 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Grandmas Are Great

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 7 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Joke time! A wife is sleeping in the middle of

    the night, she suddenly shouts: "Get up quickly my husband is here!" The man gets up from the bed, jumps out the window, hurts himself and then realizes "Damn, I am the husband!" Who's guilty in this situation?????😳😁
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 4 Responses Oct 18

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man walks into the Dr.

    s office and says to the Dr.," I have this terrible gas problem. I can't seem to control it. It's strange though . It doesn't smell." Then he he accidentally leaves a couple farts and says," See what I mean!" The Dr says, "I'm going to send you to the hospital for some tests...
    ALincoln5 ALincoln5 66-70, M Oct 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

    For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates. As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat" The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
    Daisyellenrose Daisyellenrose 13-15, F 12 Responses Jul 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    If I can't post my story,

    I'm at least posting the preamble goddammit. The other day I was having a rather heated argument with someone over a particular minority. I had suggested a book to someone, and they had thanked me for it, I had just suggested it to someone else (Poy1) and thought this person...
    TheDaken TheDaken 26-30, M 2 Responses Sep 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Halloween's near... Pardon me.

    I hate to interrupt, but you've captured my eye. Could I have it back? It's the only one I've got, to fall in love with you at first sight. Hey, Baby, did you know they call me "PumpkinHead"? I’ve got a rubber mask and you’ve got the candy- let’s go trick or treating...
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses Oct 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a

    deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman...
    Callllie Callllie 70+, F 5 Responses Jul 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    How do you know that Apple is run by men?

    They call it the iPhone 6+ but it's only 5.5 inches.
    nyc10024a nyc10024a 36-40 2 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This one is an absolute killer.

    Wife : Don't you have simple manners?......I'm speaking for hours and you keep yawning every minute. Husband : I'm not yawning... I'm trying to say something !!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 5 Responses Oct 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    My friends and I have this running joke called

    "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend, it's not Wednesday which is Hump Day, it's not Thursday which has something to look forward to, and it's not Friday or the goddam weekend. Tuesday...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 6 Responses Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An art teacher is walking through the class

    and looking a her little students working on their drawings , then she stops near 7yr old Evy and says 'Evy , what are you drawing ? ' Evy says I am drawing the face of God , so the teacher says 'that's not possible no one has ever seen the face of God' little Evy replies ' oh...
    Missreedy Missreedy 31-35 1 Response Oct 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    During a recent robbery in Hong Kong,

    the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the...
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 10 Responses Aug 30

    Your Response

    Cancel

    "Sunday Morning Sex" Upon hearing

    that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on...
    xalian xalian 41-45, M 5 Responses May 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A drunk guy is wondering around outside a pub,

    when a man approaches him..the drunk guy spots him and says "I'm Jesus Christ!". The man replies "oh really, prove it!" So the drunk guy takes him into the bar and they walk over to the bartender, the bartender looks at the drunk guy and says "Jesus Christ not you again..", the...
    XxWolfGirlMidnightxX XxWolfGirlMidnightxX 13-15, F 3 Responses Oct 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Marriage Counsellor

    After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 11 Responses Aug 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Little Johnny

    The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny,a bright foreign exchange student from Japan , who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said. 'Very good...
    belover0069 belover0069 22-25, F 44 Responses Oct 1, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Boy : Marry me.. ? Girl: Do you have a house.

    .? Boy : No.. Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ? Boy : No.. Girl: How much is your salary.. ? Boy : No salary.. but,.. Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.! Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I still...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Escaped Convict

    Escaped convict A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her...
    pmurillo pmurillo 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 30, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus

    through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Oct 9

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Husband's demand for sex.

    .... A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husband's constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the rest of their marriage. While getting ready for work, she writes on...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 11

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Halloween Pick up Lines.

    .. Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out? Pardon me for drooling, but without my jaw, I can't help myself. What's a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 2 Responses Oct 21

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For the Sexless Marriage Group

    Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.     ...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 9 Responses Nov 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    I was waiting tables at a country club

    when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses a week ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A helicopter was flying around above Seattle

    when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.

    One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses May 26

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A Man's Wish A man was sick

    and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
    robbie1280 robbie1280 18-21, M 2 Responses Jun 10

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bad Example

    One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided...
    enchantingjade enchantingjade 36-40 11 Responses Jul 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Getting fit and fab..

    .... (Photo)
    Zoren047 Zoren047 22-25, F Aug 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The customer in the Italian restaurant was

    so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there." "Naturally...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel