and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.
The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.
If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!"
Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!"
Two days later, a light bulb went out and...
A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and...
and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the...
who have been married for many years head into the park near their home on a walk, they decide to sit down for a break. They notice a couple sitting a few benches over kissing very passionately. The wife watches for a moment before she turns to her husband and says, “Honey...
restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs...
who lie. He decides 2 test it during dinner.
DAD: Son, where were u 2day during school hrs?
SON: @ School. Robot slaps son!
SON: Ok, I lied, I went 2d movies.
DAD: W/c one?
SON: Toy Story.
Robot slaps son again!
SON: Ok, it was p0rn.
DAD: What?! When I was your age, I didn't...
when I saw a sign in front of a house that said "Talking dog for sale, $10."
Curious, I pulled over and asked the owner if this was for real. He assured me it was and directed me to the back yard where the dog was.
There was a normal-looking dog back there, and out of...
Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.He seemed more amused.When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested...
that his wife had lost interest in sex. The doctor asked "how old are you?"
The man replied that he was 95 and his wife was 93.
"Well," said the doctor, "at your age the body is not what it was when you were young. Your wife's reaction is to be expected." He then asked, "so...
as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel...
and a kid answers with a whispering voice, "'hello?"'
-salesman, "hii kid are any of your parents home?"
-kid, '"yeah. my mommy and my daddy are both home.'"
-salesman, "oh great! can I speak with your mommy?"
-kid, '"nope. she's busy.'"
-salesman, "oh ok. then put your dad on...
Boy : No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy : No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy : No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i
Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3
property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I
as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce.
The 'Thank You' email says:
"Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...
such a lazy bum and frankly it irritating and annoying, Husband O shut up you know some times i just want to hit you with damn shovel take you out to the wood and bury you. Wife why don't you then, Husband well first id have to get a shovel then id have to drive three miles to...
For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates.
As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat"
The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
and some bad news which do you want first.., Husband good news first please. Wife I'm pregnant and I'm going to have baby Husband Thats great love so what the bad news.... Wife The bad news is your brother could be the father
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided...
– Three to five times a week.
– No, no… I mean male or female?
– Male, female, sometimes camel.
– Holy cow!
– Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
– But isn’t that hostile?
– Horse style, doggy style, any style!
– Oh dear!
– No, no! Deer run too...
Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.