If you think 7 years of bad luck is to much for breaking a mirror is to much........
Try breaking a condom.
The Toy - The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked...
An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks."
Did you read the pen is in her mouth.
If not your a perv
Comfortable - Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank...
Why did you marry your husband? asked a friend of a woman. You do not give the impression of having great things in common!
You know the old saying that says opposites attract...
Say it out loud.
I saw my ex girlfriend working at subway a few years ago.
She had to make me a sandwich!!!!!
Which is why we broke up in the first place
The Old Ones Are The Best - A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at...
I have so many Facebook meme's that are funny and I have already shared them with my friends:(
Heard This One Today At Work... Thanks To My Grandpa - What does an 85 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old woman doesn't?Give up?A Belly button.
Birdy Birdy in the sky dropped poopy in your eye,u dont worry and u dont cry, u just b happy that cows cant fly. :P
Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000. He is offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate...
For the Sexless Marriage Group - Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL
A young monk arrives at the...
Your earlobes line up with your n!ppl€s
Funny Ultimate Truths: - 1. Whenever i find the Key to Success, someone changes the lock.
2. The road to success is always under Construction
3. In order to get a loan, You first...
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of co$k because Jills real name was Randy
Memo To Boss - TO: Boss
Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem...
Why don't blind people skydive?
Cause it scares the **** out of the dogs
I actually knew a blind guy who did skydiving.
I said "When do you know to pull the ripcord?"
I am not very good at remembering jokes but here are two I heard on a show last night.
What do you call 32 hillbillies in a room?
A full set of teeth. Lol
What's better than...
Escaped Convict - Escaped convict
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
The Ultimate Ethnic Joke
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander...
Don't be lazy and eat tons of fiber bars that you have at your house just because you don't feel like cooking.
You will regret it in a few hours believe me .
Tummy Trouble - A little boy wakes up during the night and walks into his parents room, and see's his mother bouncing up and down on top of his father.The parents stop and the...
Men Only - During a lady's medical examination,the doctor says:- "Your heart, lungs,
pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all...
Grandmas Are Great - A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed...
A girlfriend once tattooed thanksgiving on the inside of her left thigh and Christmas on the inside of her right.
She then looked at me and said now tell me there is nothing to...
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you I touch my wiener.
When I first heard that it made me laugh
Terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers...and demanded a ransom of 5000000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene.........plzzzz donate...i hav donated 15 litres =D
Three Little Pigs.... - One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where the first pig...
It's all fun and games until someone gets poked in the eye with a ****.
A Lovely Poem - I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life...
Shopping For A Husband - A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men...
Everyone with low self-esteem please read this......
The next time you feel powerless remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
I hope we never find life on another planet because there is no doubt the US government would start sending them money.
Drunk - A man stands up at the bar and falls flat on his face, with all of his strength he pulls himself upright, again he falls to the floor, with all of his strength he crawls...
Electric Fence / Lawn Mower - If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.
The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it...
Don't worry if you have a bad day, remember there are people have their ex's name tattooed on their body
I want u to know that our friendship means a lot to me. U cry i cry ,u laugh i laugh. U jump out of the window..........I look down and then .....i laugh again. ;)
Divorce Vs Murder - A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I would like to buy some cyanide...
The Maid - Our neighbor’s Brazilian maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do...
Little Black Dress - A blond drops off her black dress at the cleaners.On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again"The blond replies, "No it's toothpaste this...
I told that teaching lady the only crayon colors I need are red, white, and blue.
Hahahaha - 1)Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
2) Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.
3) What do you do...
The Economist - A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The...
If a man says you're ugly he's mean.
If a woman says you're ugly she's jealous.
If a kid says you're ugly well...... you're just ugly
Read - I got a dig bick. You that read wrong
that awkward when you read that wrong too.
and said moment after awkward.
You know the urge you get to eat something just because it's there......
That's why I am no longer a gynecologist
Joke--hi Oh Silver - HI OH Silver?
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In...
I swear some people are about as useful as a crap flavored lollipop.
The following is a joke!!!!
What sexual position produces the ugliest people?
Go ask your mother!
A couple is suddenly awaken on a stormy night at 3am by a knock on a door . Husband opens the door and this man drunk off his a•s says , can you give me a push . Husband says...
Sucks for her when you accidentally use the hand sanitizer instead of the anal lube.