Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,926 People

    If you're ever cold just stand in a corner.

    They're usually around 90 Degrees.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Dec 16, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Police Officer: "How high are you?

    " Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F Dec 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Here is another one for you.

    A six year old boy is in the bath. His mother is supervising him. He is playing and starts to feel his balls. He asks his mum, "mum is my brain in there". His mum replies, "No not yet, but it will be there when you are 16".
    Henry23569 Henry23569 70+, M Mar 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Detention notice. Reason: throw lamp at

    another student and told him to lighten the fck up.
    jjoe01 jjoe01 41-45, M 3 Responses Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Bad Example

    One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided...
    enchantingjade enchantingjade 36-40 12 Responses Jul 20, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    While Shirley was dining out with her children,

    a man came over to their table and started talking. He asked where Shirley's kids went to school. She told him they home-schooled. With a raised eyebrow, he asked if her husband is the sole breadwinner for their family. "No, I also work ... from inside our home." Then, noticing...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 31

    Your Response

    Cancel

    God said, "Adam, I want you to do something

    for me."  Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"  God said, "Go down into that valley."  Adam said, "What's a valley?"  God explained it to him.  Then God said, "Cross the river."  Adam said, "What's a river?"  God explained that to him, and then...
    cbcs cbcs 31-35, M 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

    For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates. As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat" The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
    Ridingtonewyork Ridingtonewyork 13-15, F 16 Responses Jul 27, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A lady approaches her priest

    and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 3 Responses Dec 5, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Getting fit and fab..

    .... (Photo)
    redtigerhood911 redtigerhood911 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 6, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    panty colors and what they mean: white:

    calm red: wild blue: romantic pink: sweet black: sexy brown: need to wash them woman
    peppit peppit 36-40, M Apr 15

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls. Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and ask her: "why do you love doing that?" because... She replied.." I really miss mine." Hahahaha !!!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 15, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    For the Sexless Marriage Group

    Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.     ...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 9 Responses Nov 13, 2007

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Girl: taxi!!! Driver: yes mam.

    .. Girl: let's go! Driver: are you alone mam? Girl: why ? You will not come? Omg!! Corny hahaha
    Spicyandsweet Spicyandsweet 26-30, F 5 Responses Apr 3

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Electric Fence / Lawn Mower

    If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 12 Responses May 28, 2012

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What time is it when the elephant sits on the

    fence?.....................Time to buy a new fence!
    cbcs cbcs 31-35, M 2 Responses Mar 24

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One day the zookeeper noticed

    that the monkey was reading two books--the Bible and Darwin's "The Origin of Species." In surprise, he asked the monkey, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man escapes from prison

    where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 8 Responses Jan 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A defence lawyer is questioning a Coroner in a

    murder trial. "When you brought the body in, were you sure that person was really dead".The Coroner says " Well, his brains were in a glass jar on the table but then again he may have been a lawyer:)))
    johnny253 johnny253 66-70, M 3 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    An unbelieving Jew prays in the synagogue

    and cries. "What are you crying since you do not believe in God?" asks someone. "There are two possibilities," replied the weeping atheist, "either I'm wrong and there is indeed a God - then people have every reason to cry. Or maybe I'm right and he does not exist. - then...
    Soniador1963 Soniador1963 51-55, M Mar 19

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A teacher asks her class,

    "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 24, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    After twenty years of shaving himself every

    morning, a man in a small southern town decided he had been doing that long enough. He told his wife that from then on he’d let the local barber shave him each day. The man went to the barbershop which was owned by the pastor of the local Baptist church. The barber’s wife...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 29

    Your Response

    Cancel

    She kissed the tip, then said "April Fools!

    " Best. Joke. Ever. Men! XD 
    abcdefghisabelmnopqrst abcdefghisabelmnopqrst 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    During a recent robbery in Hong Kong,

    the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the...
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 9 Responses Aug 30, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on,

    because the darks afraid of him..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 25, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were

    having coffee in St. Peter's Square.The first Catholic man tells his friends,"My son is a priest. When he walks intoa room, everyone calls him 'Father'."The second Catholic man chirps,"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."The third Catholic...
    postNIRVANA postNIRVANA 18-21, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    The Old Ones Are The Best

    A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and...
    KatarinaVonSweet KatarinaVonSweet 36-40, F 10 Responses Mar 11, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    This one is an absolute killer.

    Wife : Don't you have simple manners?......I'm speaking for hours and you keep yawning every minute. Husband : I'm not yawning... I'm trying to say something !!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 7 Responses Oct 21, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    One day at a local café,

    a woman suddenly called out, "My daughter’s choking! She swallowed a nickel! Please, anyone, help!" Immediately a man at a nearby table rushed up to her and said he was experienced in these situations. He calmly stepped over to the girl, then with no look of concern, wrapped...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Mar 27

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A married Irishman went into the confessional

    and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 5 Responses Feb 16

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Politicians A busload of politicians were

    driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Mildred, the church gossiper

    and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 3 Responses Feb 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
    Sadie14 Sadie14 18-21, F 19 Responses Jul 3, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Auto air conditioning The Goldberg Brothers -

    The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner > Here's a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Apr 1

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A very zealous soul-winning young preacher

    recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 2

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Couple is having a quickie

    and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 26, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A secretary got an expensive pen

    as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce. The 'Thank You' email says: "Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 6 Responses Aug 8, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man calls his adult son on the phone

    and tells him that despite the wonderful 50th anniversary party his son and daughter had thrown for them last year, the man and his wife were getting a divorce. The son is shocked. He says, "Hang on, Dad. Don't do anything rash. I'll be over in a few days and we can this...
    nyc10024a nyc10024a 36-40 1 Response 1 day ago

    Your Response

    Cancel

    What would George Washington do

    if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
    OneWithTheSkies OneWithTheSkies 18-21, F 3 Responses Apr 12

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Engineer In Hell An engineer dies

    and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell. It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build...
    fishsweeper fishsweeper 51-55, F 14 Responses Sep 11, 2014

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Can you guess these words?

    1. _ _ _ k 2. _ _ n d o m 3. D _ c k Did you guess 1. Book 2. Random 3. Duck? I bet you didn't.😂😂
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Apr 6

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A man got an accident

    that makes his body divide into two. His left body was lost so only the right part of his nody was brought to the hospital. Know what the doctor said? "Wow. You are alright!"
    Fourtris143 Fourtris143 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Your always there to catch me

    when I fall Thank you floor.
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M 2 Responses Apr 13

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Grandmas Are Great

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 9 Responses Jun 1, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel

    A thief broke into my house last night.

    He started searching for money.....................so I woke up and search together with him...
    Spicyandsweet Spicyandsweet 26-30, F 2 Responses Mar 22

    Your Response

    Cancel

    Marriage Counsellor

    After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the...
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M 10 Responses Aug 24, 2013

    Your Response

    Cancel