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I Love Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,842 People

    Q: What did Boy George say to Micheal Jackson?

    A: "You Beat It, beat it, and I'll comma comma
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Ainn Ainn 31-35, F 2 Responses a week ago

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    Pedro was conjugally a very experienced man

    when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive. On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, 'Pedro! What is that?' Pedro, a quick thinker, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these.' And then he proudly proceeded to...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 2 Responses Feb 19

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    For the Sexless Marriage Group

    Ok, now, if you're in a sexless marriage and wonder why, this will give you a clue! LOL Enjoy! Cheleanne   A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.     ...
    Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 9 Responses Nov 13, 2007

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    A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a

    piece of cork up his a**. ''Why do you have a cork up your a**?" ''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!'''
    MsInvis MsInvis 46-50, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    in a public utility bus,

    3 armed young men stood up and said: robber: all, raise your hands up!! this is... (interrupted by a lady) lady: rape!! rape!! rape!! robber : stfo!! this is holdup not rape!! lady: ikr, im just suggesting tho.
    sexymommy2014 sexymommy2014 31-35, F 1 Response Feb 25

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    A Greek and Italian were sitting in a

    Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Feb 19

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    A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

    For the sake of civility,and to keep it from getting sunburn he put his hat over his privates. As a woman walked past she said to the man snickering " if you were a gentleman. You'd lift your hat" The man raised an eyebrow and calmly replied " if you weren't so ugly it would...
    Ridingtonewyork Ridingtonewyork 13-15, F 13 Responses Jul 27, 2014

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    At the mall Me: miss how much

    that poster of that beautiful girl? Saleslady: that's a mirror ma'am..
    Spicyandsweet Spicyandsweet 26-30, F Feb 24

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    Police Officer: "How high are you?

    " Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
    Brunette4U Brunette4U 31-35, F 1 Response Dec 26, 2014

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    After buying a Mega Millions,

    $20 dollar scratch off lottery ticket, a guy confronts his wife... "Honey, what would you do if I told you I won the lottery just now?" Seeing the ticket there in his hand she got super excited for a second before curtly replying, "I'd take my half and divorce your sorry...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 1 Response Feb 21

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    A man escapes from prison

    where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 7 Responses Jan 1

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    A Man's Wish A man was sick

    and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in...
    robbie1280 robbie1280 18-21, T 3 Responses Jun 10, 2014

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    Mildred, the church gossiper

    and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused a new...
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    I don't have any jokes

    but I do enjoy them. I make jokes often and love having fun with them. I do know I go overboard with them sometimes but I love having a good laugh and trying to help people feel better by making them laugh. Now if you know me you know i'm not exactly the funniest or most...
    Raptax231 Raptax231 18-21, M 3 Responses Feb 25

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    It's funny how red, white

    and blue represent freedom... Until they're flashing behind you
    mr8bitmonster mr8bitmonster 18-21, M Feb 22

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    Q: What do you call a bunch of white guys

    sitting on a bench? A: The NBA.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Electric Fence / Lawn Mower

    If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this. The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing. If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny... and true. This was sent by a...
    NotHisBabydoll NotHisBabydoll 41-45, F 12 Responses May 28, 2012

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    A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his balls. Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and ask her: "why do you love doing that?" because... She replied.." I really miss mine." Hahahaha !!!
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 3 Responses Oct 15, 2014

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    I have an eating disorder!

    I'm about to eat dis order of wings, dis order of fries, dis order of nuggets!
    RedThatDescribesMe RedThatDescribesMe 18-21, F 3 Responses Feb 22

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    A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

    Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 3 Responses a week ago

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    Wife: "How would you describe me?

    " Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish

    countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 2 Responses Feb 16

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    Man enters a drugstore

    and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. The Pharmacist asks, "What size?" to which the man replies, "I'm not exactly sure." The pharmacist grabs something from under the counter and hands it to the man, "Well, take this board with holes, go to the bathroom and the hole...
    Ed360 Ed360 41-45, F 7 Responses Jun 3, 2014

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    Escaped Convict

    Escaped convict A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her...
    pmurillo pmurillo 26-30, F 6 Responses Sep 30, 2013

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    A teacher asks her class,

    "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then, Little Johnny...
    yaellovesu yaellovesu 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 24, 2014

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    I asked a Chinese sexy girl

    for her number. She replied, sex sex sex free sex tonight' I said " wow" Then her friend said: She mean, 6663629.
    Spicyandsweet Spicyandsweet 26-30, F 7 Responses Feb 24

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    During a recent robbery in Hong Kong,

    the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you." Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking. When a lady lay on the...
    nicktime nicktime 31-35, M 9 Responses Aug 30, 2014

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    A husband and his wife went to court

    for mutual divorce. Judge: you have 3 kids how'll you divide them? The husband after having a long discussion to his wife said," sir we'll come back next year for one more child". And after 9 months they got twins :)
    Spicyandsweet Spicyandsweet 26-30, F 4 Responses Feb 24

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    Grandmas Are Great

    A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his grandmother asking him to send her acurrent photo of himself in his new location.Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in aNudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.The next day he discovers that he...
    code091933 code091933 46-50, M 9 Responses Jun 1, 2013

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    Why was six afraid of seven?

    Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good...
    Sadie14 Sadie14 18-21, F 15 Responses Jul 3, 2014

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    Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on,

    because the darks afraid of him..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 6 Responses Dec 25, 2014

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    A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a

    deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl and they're both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman...
    Callllie Callllie 70+, F 6 Responses Jul 16, 2014

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    A student is taking his final exams.

    He takes his seat in the exam hall, stares at the questions and then in a fit for inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt, pants and socks. The teacher, alarmed, approached him and asked what is going on? 'I am only...
    bigboy4chat42 bigboy4chat42 41-45 5 Responses Feb 25

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    The Old Ones Are The Best

    A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake and Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and...
    KatarinaVonSweet KatarinaVonSweet 36-40, F 11 Responses Mar 11, 2013

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    Boy : Marry me.. ? Girl: Do you have a house.

    .? Boy : No.. Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ? Boy : No.. Girl: How much is your salary.. ? Boy : No salary.. but,.. Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.! Boy: (talk to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I still...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    A married Irishman went into the confessional

    and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not...
    marmelade marmelade 51-55, F 5 Responses Feb 16

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    A wife comes home late one night

    and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she...
    rajbj rajbj 18-21, M 1 Response a week ago

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    teacher trying to pronounce getto names on the

    first day of class http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=y91EEYBo-3k
    Bluerosered Bluerosered 26-30, F 17 hrs ago

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    Q: How do you know if your boyfriend has a high

    ***** count? A: You have to chew before you swallow!
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Bad Example

    One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "*****" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does ***** and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided...
    enchantingjade enchantingjade 36-40 12 Responses Jul 20, 2012

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    Roses are red. Nuts are round.

    Skirts go up. Panties go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Roses are red that much is true,

    ,,,,, but violets are purple not f-king blue.
    PAL15 PAL15 26-30, M Feb 13

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    Husband in a good mood: Darling,

    remember 25 years ago.... I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yrs old beautiful girl. Now I own a luxurious bungalow with, 4 LED TVs, a Limousine and a Porsche, servants... but I sleep...
    Ainn Ainn 31-35, F 2 days ago

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    A secretary got an expensive pen

    as a gift from her boss . She sent him a 'Thank you note' by email. The boss's wife read the email and immediately filed for divorce. The 'Thank You' email says: "Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last night. It has extraordinary smooth flow, and a solid firm stroke...
    lemongrass09 lemongrass09 46-50, F 6 Responses Aug 8, 2014

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    If you're ever cold just stand in a corner.

    They're usually around 90 Degrees.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 5 Responses Dec 16, 2014

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    After a bypass surgery a patient asks his

    doctor. "Can I have sex?" the doctor replied "Yes, but only with your wife. Your heart can't handle any excitement."
    Jpfunjunky Jpfunjunky 31-35, M 3 Responses Feb 22

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