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I Love Limericks and Haiku

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    Twinkling The Barber

    Twinkling the Barber Went to shave his father The razor slipped And cut his lip Twinkling the Barber.. I remember this limerick as my Grandma used to teach me as a kid and it stuck with me....
    HardingP119 HardingP119 36-40, M Oct 24, 2012

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    Re: Fibromyalgia

    [names edited slightly for anonymity] doctors p*tel and w*tton, together with their nurses, can bite me.  ------------------------------ fibro-journey moans having run into a wall for the fifteenth time
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 2 Responses Jan 14, 2008

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    Haiku # 237 (hate)

    hate is like a boil hiding pain till it erupts and spreads its poison
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F Oct 18, 2011

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    Good For a Chuckle...

    I have always loved clever rhymes and poems. One time, during a long boring graduation ceremony in high school, Journey and I took turns writing limericks on a program (we were in the choir, we had to sit through the speeches and such). We cracked ourselves up. The rhythm for...
    BookNerd BookNerd 22-25, F 5 Responses Jan 10, 2008

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    South Park :)

    in the episode "roger ebert should lay off the fatty foods", mr garrison teaches the class about haiku: "a haiku," he says, "is just like a normal american poem, except that it doesn't rhyme and it's totally stupid." kyle submits two off the cuff...
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 12, 2008

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    To The Turkey....

    Hide with the chickens Pray for near sighted farmers Learn to Cluck for Crow
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Nov 1, 2010

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    The Clown

    I lent my car to this clown Who took it straight into town Tales he was pushing Were the stains on the cushion And the footprint on the dashboard upsidedown
    CmeWet CmeWet 36-40, M Mar 2, 2013

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    My Pollution Haiku

    Pollution: Our population Our waters and animals Gone without warning. -Kasey [ps. please anyone don't take this from me. I'm so proud of it and that I made it all by myself in the car coming home from Staten Island. Please. Please don't take it.]
    stripesANDsunshine stripesANDsunshine 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 8, 2008

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    Haiku #73 Haiku Choo Choo

    . . . . train whistle blowing i don't know where it's going wish i could go, too if i could go too what I'd really like to do is ride forever i am but a tree i cannot go traveling i am rooted here train keeps on going i stay right here not knowing i just watch and wish here comes...
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F Aug 1, 2011

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    I Know There Is 'lime' In Limerick-- But Still!

    Sanity seems to have been deserted For this group is much too perverted But despite my distress, they keep talking about sex  One more limerick shouldn't really hurt it.
    WeLiveWeLearnWeGrow WeLiveWeLearnWeGrow 13-15, F Jul 19, 2009

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    Thanksgiving

    The original natives did teach Surviving what nature unleashed So every November Please try and remember Why we gather together to feast.
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Nov 1, 2010

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    Small Guy From St. Paul

    There was a young man from St. Paul Whose parts were exceedingly small. He could bugger a bug At the edge of a rug But the bug hardly felt it at all.
    Myonis108 Myonis108 56-60, F 1 Response Oct 22, 2008

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    Haiku By Cats (not Written By Me)

      Haiku Written by Cats (from an email forward. i edited a few to make the syllables fit when they didn't already) The food in my bowl is old And more to the point  Contains no tuna. So you want to play. Will I claw at dancing string? ankle is closer...
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 8 Responses Jan 14, 2008

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    A proud tightrope walker named Jenny Said,

    "Nets? I refuse to use any,” But, making a wave, She tumbled and gaveOne breathless performance too many.
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 25, 2013

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    Earth

    There once was a lady so grand She decided one day to expand And gave invitations To all of creation To fill her air, seas and land
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Dec 20, 2009

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    Haiku # 236 (dust)

    in order to see the world in a speck of dust get stronger glasses
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F 1 Response Oct 18, 2011

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    Little Red Austin

    There was a young man from Boston Who drove a little red Austin. He had room for his *** And a gallon of gas But his balls hung out and he lost 'em!
    Myonis108 Myonis108 56-60, F 5 Responses Oct 22, 2008

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    Limerick # 235 The Daily Quota

    A young lady in Minnesota had trouble meeting her quota. when her pimp asked her "why" she said "cause I died somewhere in South Dakota"
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F Oct 18, 2011

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    A Bad Day (some Info Changed For Anonymity)

    i wrote this during the phil spector trial, which i was having to miss in order to take notes on a congressional hearing. congress, phil spector, that b*tch, and, apparently, the gods, all hate me.
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 3 Responses Jan 14, 2008

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    ::slow Clap::

    awesome group. awesome. ::slow clap:: if i could stop shaking my head in joy and wonderment then perhaps i could submit a little something in tribute of this amazing group. i'm drawing a blank right now. in fairness, i'm a little drunk. but first thing tomorrow, it's on...
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 16 Responses Jan 10, 2008

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    Pancakes: a Limerick (inspired By My Breakfast)

    A pancake is generally flat, And round, if you make it like that. But sometimes you can Shape a fine pancake man, Or even a fat pancake cat. (Internal rhyme, ladies and gentleman! Give it up!)
    BookNerd BookNerd 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 12, 2008

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    Limerick #72 Ducks On A Pond

    The ducks on the pond, they did quack, 'cause the food they were fed seemed to lack any taste or appeal. They wanted a meal That didn't taste like a teenager's sackwith gym shorts and sneakers; smelly socks and sweaty t-shirts; last month's bologna sandwich, which he didn't eat...
    Serenitree Serenitree 70+, F Aug 1, 2011

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    Pleasure

    A woman who came from birmingham Was said to give pleasure by her hand Strokes One Two and Three Were totally free But the fourth would cost you a grand
    CmeWet CmeWet 36-40, M Mar 2, 2013

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    Forgiveness

    Accept you were hurtAccept the apologyForget it happened
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Jun 15, 2011

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    Ouch

    Mockery is my favorite game But my companions don't feel the same Their secrets I use, Though nothing's better than the truth! But if they find out, I end up in pain
    WeLiveWeLearnWeGrow WeLiveWeLearnWeGrow 13-15, F Jul 19, 2009

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    Haiku!

    Haiku is for me. Five seven and five again. Spewing from my pen.
    makelovenotwar makelovenotwar 22-25 Jun 11, 2010

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    Composition Inspired By Two Solid Hours of Western Civilization

    Forever sitting in a class      was little FT trying to pass. To broaden his mind      was his design but all that broadened      was his ***.
    Firetech Firetech 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 17, 2008

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    D O G G Y - D O O D L E S !

    BOLOGNESE PUPPY perfect pet for children and small houses ! DOGS LOVE WALKIES remember a dog is not just for CHRISTMAS   SNOOPY is a real  iconic dog - ultimate  man's best friend ! DOGGY  in handbag SHIH TZU ?  Yes I spent hours cleaning it out ! ROTTWEILER  PUPPY looks...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 20, 2012

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    Re: the Joy of Chinese Food

      bamboo good for you promotes healthy digestion live long like panda
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 18 Responses Jan 14, 2008

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    Going Postal.

    going postal takes way too much energy. i will just write haikus.
    journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 4 Responses Jan 14, 2008

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    There Once Was A Girl

    There once was a girl with a nose as big as a fire hose when she hipped and hopped her nostrils popped and now she has no toes!!!
    80sKaties777 80sKaties777 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 31, 2012

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    Love Haiku

    These where NOT written by me, I just put them up so everyone can enjoy.   A Smile In this house on a hill without walls, The four winds touch our faces. If they blow open your robe of gauze, I'll try to hide my smile. Song Winter skies are cold and low, With...
    GabrielTam GabrielTam 22-25, M 1 Response Jul 28, 2008

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    Gross Facial Hair: a Limerick

    A tasteful goatee is just fine, But some folks must cross every line. That stache is pure trash! That beard is too weird, And trails in your food when you dine.
    BookNerd BookNerd 22-25, F 5 Responses Jan 13, 2008

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    Heart Broken

    Energy is gone Function is impossible Death seems rational
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Dec 18, 2009

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    Myonis108

    There was a young girl named Myonis Who always was happy to bone us The thrill of a ride Made her quiver inside And the smile on her face was a bonus   She told us one day she would own us The idea of this really had thrown us We thought we'd be free For a wench...
    HeWhoPleasures HeWhoPleasures 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 22, 2008

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    Kiss

    A scream of passionErupts through out my beingWhen your lips touch mine
    NaturesSeed NaturesSeed 22-25, F Jun 15, 2011

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    Dave's Cave

    There was an old man named Dave Who kept a dead ***** in a cave. He said, "I'll admit I'm a bit of a sh*t, But think of the money I save!"
    Myonis108 Myonis108 56-60, F 1 Response Oct 22, 2008

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    Indecision

    I wavered and waffled all night I just didn't know what to write! A limerick or two? Or a lyric haiku? My paper awaits me, still white.
    sugarfooties sugarfooties 66-70 2 Responses Mar 2, 2013

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    M U S I C - C I S U M !

    I don't mind the teens rockin' I don't mind the teens rollin' but not simultaneously ! My Mother in Law must be an Angel she is always harpin' on about somethin' I really wish she was ..... with the Angels ! I asked her why don't you play the violin - so much easier ?  she...
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jun 30, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    To say I write haikus is a bit of an overstatement, but this is what came up when I searched for haiku.  I did write my first haiku this morning, for a free donut.  ...
    aurora11 aurora11 31-35, F 3 Responses Jan 8

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    Here I Am Anyway how long can I sit here and write, most of it not very bright? I'm driven to this like a lover's sweet kiss, that still gets me all through the night. my...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 22

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    Writing Limericks these lines come to me automatic, without hum and also no static; my kitty dictates, tells stories, relates, and so you might say they're psychatic. I sit here...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 1

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    I knew two guys I called 'the Ricks'; in point of fact they were both Dicks; they told me, "by golly, you waste your time, Paulie, composing these fool limericks!" (Jan.2, 2015)
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 3

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    there once was a man who wrote limericks, who didn't employ lots of fancy tricks; he liked well the brevity, sometimes the levity, but mostly he just played for the kicks. (Jan.6...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 6

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    there are those who have called my lazy, and my mind's just a little bit hazy, but I'm writing all night, from evening 'til light; these limericks are driving me crazy. (Jan.7...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 8

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    yes, I'm having fun writing limericks, but this one is for the dumb crittericks who must criticize all that passes their eyes. I like to call them limp prickericks. (Jan.12, 2015...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 12

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    Censorship the lyrics are often obscene in limericks, know what I mean? but Ep won't host them, and so I don't post them, unless they're incredibly clean. okay, that isn't quite...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M Jan 22

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    everything here is so lyrical, but my limericks tend to empirical; I give you a sound then take you around. the good ones most often are spherical. (Jan.25, 2015)
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M 6 days ago

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    some limericks might cause a stink, and make the old dolls take a drink. as often as not, though, they play with a thought, so they may not quite mean what you think. (Jan.25...
    paulie138 paulie138 66-70, M 6 days ago

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    My favourite Haiku I've heard is: Please don’t leave your lube Sitting next to the toothpaste It is dark in here
    mardalfoosen mardalfoosen 13-15, F 4 days ago

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