I Love Puns

I am both an artist and I use a razor to shave my face. The one thing these have in common is they both draw blood.

a man was eating Rabbit soup in a fancy restraunt. He told his waitor he needed to send his soup back to the kitchen because there was a hare in his soup.

 
There was a guru who walked barefootmost of the time which produced largecallouses on his feet. He also ate verylittle which made him rather frail.As a result of his inadequate diet,he suffered from bad breath.This made him a super...

These are great!  I think my favorite is the first.  #10 is great too.  And #24!  Agh, I can't decide...they're all awesome!1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi...

There was a guru who walked barefootmost of the time which produced largecallouses on his feet. He also ate verylittle which made him rather frail.As a result of his inadequate diet,he suffered from bad breath.This made him a super...

I met an Italian lady who went from home to home to steal items out of babys' cradles.

Her name was, of all things, Robin D'Cradle.

It is a tool for teaching children how to tell time that always makes me smile. :)

Pun fucius say...

Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel...

I simply cannot bear the grizzly task of making puns.

I've tried writing some, but my pencil broke. And, you know, writing with a broken pencil is pointless.

Two cats were trying to cross a fast flowing river. The first was named, 'One, Two, Three" and the second, "Une, Deux, Trois". Only one cat made it across. Which one was it?

'One, Two, Three" made it across because "Une, Deux, Trois...

Did you hear about the rich snail that bought a race car?
He had the letter "S" painted on the side of it, so when he drives it people will say...
"Look at that S-car-go"!

My favorite puns are the spontanious ones- where you see an opportunity in normal conversation and you just go for it. It's totally worth being booed by my friends. Most recently I told my mother that I had to air...

My friend who is heterosexual told me at work last night that she has a friend who is a lesbian.  She asked me what I think she should do,  because the girl  asked her out and she's not like that.  I told her she...

My next-door neighbor bought 100 pairs of pantyhose on sale. She says she is stocking up on them.