I Love Puns

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 440 People

    “My insurance did not cover acupuncture,

    so I got stuck with the bill.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 24, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 26, 2015

    “Abrupt appearance of sinkholes is ground

    breaking news for media men!”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 12, 2015

    Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.

    One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?" His companion replied, "It kept me up all night." *** A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 10, 2015

    Ok real talk I love puns,

    they remind me of my ex best friend, how whenever I told her a pun she would giggle and it would get to the point where she's laughing so hard you can't hear the laugh. How her nose would crinkle and how wide her smile would be and how she would make me repeat it just to get...
    carazami carazami
    16-17
    Oct 5, 2015

    All my paintings are of my mother.

    Does this point to some childhood draw ma?
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 23, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Aug 26, 2015

    “The salesman claimed the shoes were made

    from alligator, but I knew it was a crock.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 6, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Oct 4, 2015

    “To add to the punishment,

    Satan made all the tormented souls listen to elevator music. The Hells Are Alive With the Sounds of Muzak.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 18, 2014

    Did you hear about the constipated

    mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil. ::ba da tis::
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Aug 5, 2015

    “I thought I packed a memory card

    for my camera, but I forgot it.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 7, 2014

    “I was going to tell you a joke about

    infinity, but it didn't have an ending!”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Nov 5, 2014

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the

    other day but I couldn't find any.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 1, 2014

    Two verbs, three adjectives,

    three nouns and a conjunction appeared in court. They’re due to be sentenced next week.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 3, 2015

    "I submitted ten puns to a contest hoping one

    would win. I got the results by mail. Did any win? No pun in ten did."
    SlowlyDrifting SlowlyDrifting
    22-25, F
    1 Response Apr 16, 2015
    trentwitherspoon trentwitherspoon
    18-21, M
    Mar 6
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Sep 29, 2015

    “My dog swallowed my engagement ring.

    I ended up with a diamond in the ruff.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 27, 2014

    Square fell down a hill.

    His friends asked if he was ok. He said he was all right
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 23
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 31, 2013

    “During the late baroque era,

    rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 26, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 3, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Apr 21, 2015

    Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.

    One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?" His companion replied, "It kept me up all night." *** A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 29, 2015

    "These reversing cameras are great.

    Since I got one I haven't looked back."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 28, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 29, 2015

    “My son's spelling test consisted of synonyms

    of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 12, 2014
    trentwitherspoon trentwitherspoon
    18-21, M
    Sep 29, 2015

    My friend once had a pet duck.

    Unfortunately, the duck drove him crazy. I guess you could say it turned him into a quack pot. Huehuehue :P
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Oct 5, 2015

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left

    side was cut off? He's all right now.
    SailorsAngel SailorsAngel
    41-45, F
    1 Response Sep 13, 2014

    I Used To Love Puns

    I wrote 10 puns and entered them in a contest. Not one of them won. Seriously, no pun in ten did.
    penguinswon penguinswon
    51-55
    3 Responses Aug 23, 2013

    I absolutely adore puns.

    They crack me up to no end. I laugh at this one when I remember it randomly: what did the sun say to the fog? You will be mist. I swear any of those stupid little jokes like knock knock jokes omg just marry me tell me all of the jokes you know I need this
    Wowzersgeewilly Wowzersgeewilly
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 9, 2015

    The Barefoot Guru There was a guru

    who walked barefoot most of the time which produced large callouses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail. As a result of his inadequate diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. Author...
    Serenitree1 Serenitree1
    70+, F
    3 Responses Dec 31, 2015
    edgarrobare edgarrobare
    16-17, M
    Jan 3

    “There is something missing from my flower

    bouquet she said lackadaiscally.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jun 5, 2015

    I stuck my leg in an air duct.

    It's my most recent in-vent shin.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 18, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 14, 2015

    What's the definition of a will?

    (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!) Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 13, 2014

    “My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants

    for me, or at least sew it seams.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 25, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 17, 2014

    I brought black eyed peas to a party,

    once. Asked the host when and where dinner was. He said, "let's get it started in here." :P
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 29, 2015

    Wait for it http://m.

    youtube.com/watch?v=LRvPBqXVwaQ
    trentwitherspoon trentwitherspoon
    18-21, M
    Sep 29, 2015

    Shout out to the people

    that don't know what the opposite of in is
    Maxernst Maxernst
    18-21, F
    Jan 12

    I'm at work trying to use the can opener

    when it breaks, so I said "I guess it should be called a can't opener"
    baconrind baconrind
    26-30, M
    Oct 25, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Aug 26, 2015

    Three guys in a boat with 4 cigarettes had no

    lighter to light their cigarettes. So they threw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat became a cigarette...lighter :P I couldn't help myself :P
    marmariie marmariie
    22-25, F
    2 Responses May 27, 2014

    “By separating themselves from other species,

    the arctic animals became geographically polarized.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 19, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Sep 26, 2014

    “I visited an acupuncturist today.

    I was done in under an hour, he was quick and to the point.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 24, 2015

    There's a theory that no two people see colour

    the exact same way. Does that mean colour is a pigment of our imaginations
    Bythelight0fthemoon Bythelight0fthemoon
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2015

    “When the farmer died,

    all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder. They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 7, 2015

    “If you can't differentiate a blue collar

    and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 6, 2015

    I wanted to buy a half a rabbit,

    but the butcher didn't want to split hares.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 12, 2014

    “I asked a librarian

    if she was free this afternoon, she said she was all booked up.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    5 Responses Jan 7, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 19, 2015
    DreamingSouls DreamingSouls
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Oct 8, 2014

    I cooked a boring breakfast.

    Allow me to eggs plain.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 1, 2014
More Stories