I Love Somebody Who's Terminally Ill Forum & Chat Board | What to do for Christmas?

My brother, has been given 3-6 months to live (stomach cancer) around 4 weeks ago.  He's having problems eating right now - sicking up or in pain and he's awaiting chemo and other treatment to see if it helps him keep food down etc (plus hopefully extend his life expectancy for another 3-6 months).    Other than this, he seems like he's almost normal, doing the garden etc - so other than losing weight, looking a bit grey and getting tired quickly you wouldn't know how ill he is.

We're all now turning our minds towards Christmas - and wondering/hoping he'll still be with us.   But because of his eating problem/health, its going to be difficult to enjoy our traditional Christmas as its normally based around food the whole day - and this sucks if he can't eat any of it.  

We want to be together as a family (like we are every year - normally we take turns visiting each others houses) and last year we had a general consensus that eating in a restaurant for the main meal would free up all family members to enjoy chatting/relaxing rather than preparing food/cleaning up afterwards etc..  However this obviously won't work well if he is not well enough or can't eat.  

Our thoughts are turning towards suggesting we perhaps have Christmas at his house to avoid his need to travel (assuming he can still travel) and the family turn up with everyone contributing - but we also don't want to overstress him if he needs quiet/relaxing time as he may not be strong enough for 8 guests for a good half day or more.  Basically we'll have to wait and see.


You want everything to be the same - and as normal as possible - but its not.  And for gifts, you think about all the things you'd normally buy for them but then think what's the point in buying them "things" which they probably won't be well enough to use or be around long enough to use.   So I'm thinking of painting him a special picture or buying him a bell to use when he needs help (although I don't really want him to think of his illness on christmas day with a present like this) or get him a book of all his lifes special moments (might be a bit morbid?) or a special thing to do/experience (he might be too ill to enjoy).  

So difficult.  I'm just wondering what others in the same boat plan to do to celebrate possibly the last christmas together, and what sort of presents you might be getting your loved one who is terminally ill? 

 

Hello! I know how it feels because my husband is actually confined in a hospice because of a very advanced stage of brain cancer. He no longer speaks and I have doubts if he still understands everything that we tell him.
If your brother knows and is aware of his condition, I think it is a good idea to ask him how he would like to celebrate christmas and would there be some special gift he would want to receive.
I live in Spain, and it is very normal here to ask what gift a person would like to receive from you. I don't know if where you are from, this thing is ok.
I would like to  suggest you a book which I have just read and is helping me a lot to deal with our present situation. - On death and dying . by Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
I hope I helped.

 

Hi, my mam is also terminally ill. She was given 3-9 months last August (she has lung cancer), this time limit  has been reduced since but we are fairly sure she will be with us for Christmas. Myself and my little sister(aged 15) want to get her something really special this year but what is the point in a material gift she will "have" for just a few weeks, an experience or day out is out of the question as she is too weak and tired and we are really stuck for ideas. I thought this morning about getting a family portrait painted from a photo of us but I'm still not sure. I have been thinking about what to get her and driving myself nuts, I want something special but as you said not morbid, as in a life scrap book or something, I have asked her numerous times but she just says she wants us to be together, I would really appreciate some help. Also I agree with keeping Christmas normal but I also want it to be extra special. I hope both your brother and the other ladies husband make it to Christmas.

 

Cheyenne, WY (PRWEB) March 21, 2012

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