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I Love Stupid Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 15,935 People

    deleted deleted 26-30 Jan 11

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    A rich 85 year old man marries a 18 year-old

    hot buxom blond bombshell of woman. (aside: when her friends asked why, she answered "he lied about his age. He said he was 95.") When they get back from the week long honeymoon, his friends all want to know how it went. "It was fantastic," he answers, "we made love almost...
    Woody6 Woody6 41-45, M Feb 3

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    My friend told me this joke was the only one

    laughing lol Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
    brenda4696 brenda4696 18-21, F Jan 2, 2015

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    A man came home from work one day to find his

    wife on the front porch with her bags packed. "Just where the heck do you think you're going!", asked the man. "I'm going to Las Vegas", said the wife, "I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! The man said, "Wait a minute!", and then ran inside...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Jan 21

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    Why did the comedian go to the doctor?

    *because he felt a little funny* ;D
    CuteWolfPup CuteWolfPup 16-17, F 1 Response Jan 26

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    A man got pulled over

    for speeding .. The officer approached the car and said " sir if you can give me one good reason why you were speeding I'll let you go ... The man thought a second and then said " a few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back...
    roxy20122929292 roxy20122929292 22-25, F 3 Responses May 19, 2015

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    On their first night together,

    a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he...
    cmyk323 cmyk323 36-40, F 12 Responses Aug 25, 2015

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    What's the difference between a Catholic Priest

    and a zit? At least a zit waits until you're a teenager to come on your face :) That joke never gets old.
    Cleopatra05 Cleopatra05 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 22

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    Mildred was a 93-year-old woman

    who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 2 Responses Feb 3

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    Whenever you're feeling sad,

    remember: somewhere some idiot is trying to push a door that's says pull.
    MommysGotTats420 MommysGotTats420 26-30, F 1 Response Feb 19, 2015

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    Human observing cows: look at those creatures

    staring at me. Cows: look at that creature staring at us.
    Cutiepeachpie Cutiepeachpie 22-25, F Jan 31

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    On the outskirts of a small town,

    there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 2 Responses Sep 6, 2015

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    Q: There's a sink standing outside your door.

    What do you do? A: Just...let that sink in... let that sink in. hahahahha
    dgjf123 dgjf123 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 3

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    Cutiepeachpie Cutiepeachpie 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 2

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    earthandstars earthandstars 41-45, F 5 Responses 2 days ago

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    As an airplane is about to crash,

    a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says...
    cmyk323 cmyk323 36-40, F 7 Responses Aug 25, 2015

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    PinksTheNewBlack PinksTheNewBlack 16-17, F 5 Responses Aug 12, 2015

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    An atom walks into a bar.

    the bartender asks "why so sad?". The atom says "I lost an electron...", the bartender then asks "are you sure?", to which the atom replies "I'm positive!" LOL
    EmSiren EmSiren 26-30, F 4 Responses Dec 31, 2015

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    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Ahhhhhh that gets me every time Lmfao
    Cleopatra05 Cleopatra05 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 1

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    Guy: Can I buy you a drink?

    Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.
    beautyndbeast beautyndbeast 22-25, F 3 Responses Jan 25

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    If 1 out 5 people suffer from diarrhea,

    does that mean the others enjoy it? 💩
    C00LDaddy C00LDaddy 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 28

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    What my girlfriend thought,

    first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow,a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
    omarrochet omarrochet 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 7, 2015

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    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M Jan 29

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    Boy : Mom, did you see me

    before I was born. Mom: No, why did you ask ? Boy : Then, how do you know I was you son?
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    "Where is U?" Me: between T

    and W,AYYYYY xD I'm so done bye xD get it get it? No okay bye xD lmao
    smilelover smilelover 16-17, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    Energizer bunny got arrested.

    Charged with battery..
    Valencia Valencia 18-21, M 3 Responses Jul 3, 2015

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    Cynthia1976 Cynthia1976 36-40, F 6 Responses Apr 6, 2015

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    Why did the hipster have a burnt tongue?

    He had to drink his coffee before it was cool
    CaffeineJunky CaffeineJunky 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 3

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    Anyone hear about the guy

    who got his left side cut off? He's all right now! ;)
    CuteWolfPup CuteWolfPup 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 26

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    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook

    for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it! Its an *******!"
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Aug 11, 2015

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    A chemistry lab is like a big party ~ some drop

    acid, others drop the base. LOLz!
    EmSiren EmSiren 26-30, F Jan 6

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    My girlfriend asked me

    for time and space. I think she wants to calculate velocity. xD
    robzalacain robzalacain 22-25, M 4 Responses Dec 4, 2015

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    I think theres a fine line between being an off

    roading enthusiast and driving a lifted truck like an @$$ hole
    coolmetaldude coolmetaldude 26-30, M Jan 22

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    Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their

    husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Jan 14

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    If you ever feel stupid,

    remember that one time my twin brother forgot my birthday.
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Apr 23, 2015

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    Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic

    school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila said, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!" "A prostitute!" Sheila exclaimed. Sister Catherine breathed a sigh...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M Jan 20

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    Timothy, he's my rock.

    When I cry he is always there to comfort me, and when I'm sad he's there to cheer me up. In the mornings Timothy wakes me up with his kisses to let me know he still loves me. I laugh, tell him to stop, and we both get up, get ready and eat breakfast. After that we take long...
    Cutiepeachpie Cutiepeachpie 22-25, F Feb 2

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    How does a train eat?

    ..... ..... ..... It chew chews omg bye
    ragd0ll ragd0ll 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 9, 2015

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    A photographer from a well known national

    magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 3 Responses Jan 25

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    IFuckedYourBitch27 IFuckedYourBitch27 13-15, M 3 days ago

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    First women on the moon: Women: Houston,

    we have a problem. Houston: what? Women: never mind Houston: what's the problem? Women: nothing Houston:please tell us Women: I'm fine
    deleted deleted 26-30 5 Responses Sep 30, 2015

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    Will your woman makes you a millionaire?

    ?? ---- yes! If you are a billionaire. xD LOL
    Alonely0987 Alonely0987 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    What do you call a elephant

    that is not relevant? Erelephant 😁
    L0serLikeMe L0serLikeMe 18-21, F 6 Responses Jun 14, 2015

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    Men say that women should come with instruction,

    what's the point of that? Have you actually seen a man read the instructions anyways?..
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Apr 23, 2015

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    Daughter: Mom I am pregnant.

    Mom: But I told you to say don't when a boy touches your b-oobs and say stop when he touches your va-gi-na. Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop....
    nightstar123 nightstar123 22-25, F 5 Responses Jun 29, 2015

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