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I Love Stupid Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 6,963 People

    A redneck family from outside Little Rock was

    visiting a city in the North and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son decided to stroll around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    My boss chewed my *** out

    and beat my head off.
    Aphrodite1997 Aphrodite1997 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 6

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    Kids in the back seat cause accidents;

    accidents in the back seat cause kids. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it EF...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Cannon31 Cannon31 31-35, M Dec 30, 2014

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    A rich Arab walks into a bar

    and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So, he shouts over to the bartender loudly so that everyone can hear, “Drinks for...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 2 Responses Mar 24

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    Men say that women should come with instruction,

    what's the point of that? Have you actually seen a man read the instructions anyways?..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 4 Responses Apr 23

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    Two children ordered their mother to stay in

    bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 1 Response 2 days ago

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    missreeedy missreeedy 31-35, F Feb 8

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    A blonde who had been unemployed

    for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    So

    So this guy who suffers from premature *********** comes out of nowhere...
    KendraKitty KendraKitty 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Skoph Skoph 31-35, F Apr 19

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    Bubba had shingles. Those of us

    who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba: Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Going to to McDonald's

    for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
    JackH19 JackH19 18-21, M Jan 26

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    What my girlfriend thought,

    first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow,a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
    omarrochet omarrochet 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 7

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    One day mom was cleaning her son's room

    and under the bed, she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Dad...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 23, 2014

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    Why did the luci fall off the swings Why did

    the boy drop is ice cream Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple
    Johnyk27 Johnyk27 13-15, M 3 Responses Apr 11

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    A man tells a doctor,

    "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    After the North American Beer Festival,

    all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I’d like the...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to

    catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Yo mama is so poor she can't

    even pay attention. Yo mama is so poor she logs in to Gmail to eat the spam. Yo mama so poor wears only one shoe and when people ask her if she lost one, she'd say, "no, I found one." x.x oh kill me now, please.
    abcdefghisabelmnopqrst abcdefghisabelmnopqrst 26-30, F 4 Responses Apr 2

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    cnk2015 cnk2015 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 3

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    Whenever you're feeling sad,

    remember: somewhere some idiot is trying to push a door that's says pull.
    MommysGotTats420 MommysGotTats420 22-25, F 2 Responses Feb 19

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    What concert only cost 45 cents?

    50 cents featuring Nickelback *giggles*
    hiddenhands hiddenhands 16-17, F 1 Response Feb 14, 2014

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    A few days after Christmas,

    a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell 'All you sons of b*tches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of b...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    After serving 18 months of a 25-year sentence,

    a man escaped from prison. His escape was the lead story on the early evening TV news and knowing that there would be a huge search party out looking for him, he took care to make his way home via a long, cross-country route of fields and forests. When he finally made it to his...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Apr 13

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    A young woman went to her doctor complaining of

    pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a

    middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Honesty is the best policy A lady is having

    a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response a week ago

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    I was in church and the preast was giving a

    sermon about alcohol how bad it is for you .and to prove it he put a worm in a glass of water and one in to a glass of whiskey after a while he held up the two glasses and said look the worm in the water is still alive and the worm in the whiskey is dead what dose that prove...
    robo57 robo57 56-60, M 2 Responses Dec 6, 2014

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    Why is 6 afraid of 7?

    ??? Because 7 8 9 !!!
    picklebobble picklebobble 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 8

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    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was

    lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    When George Washington was crossing the

    Delaware River with his troops, there were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Man all sweatin' and nervous pulls his ski

    mask down on his face ( with the eye holes in the back ! ) Bursts into the bank and yells to the top of his voice .... All right you mother stickers!! This is a **** up!!!
    wolffive wolffive 51-55, M 6 Responses Feb 22

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    deleted deleted 26-30 11 Responses Apr 10

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    My friend told me this joke was the only one

    laughing lol Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
    brenda4696 brenda4696 18-21, F 1 Response Jan 2

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    If you ever feel stupid,

    remember that one time my twin brother forgot my birthday.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 23

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    Johnyk27 Johnyk27 13-15, M 1 Response Apr 11

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    So... What do you call artificial pasta?

    .... An IMPASTA! AHAHAHAHAH *drum*
    marebare303 marebare303 13-15, F 1 Response Dec 29, 2014

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    Shout out to sidewalks

    for keeping me off the streets!
    DrunkGiraffe DrunkGiraffe 26-30, M Apr 14

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    I would rather cuddle then have sex.

    if you're good with grammar, you'll get it.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 23

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    This is my joke I made up

    when I was 6. What do you call someone who eats too many cookies? A PIG Newton
    MommysGotTats420 MommysGotTats420 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 9

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    I swear! I pee my pants every time I watch

    Impractical Jokers... That show will never get old
    JJjones0 JJjones0 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 18, 2014

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    A turkey was chatting with a bull.

    "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 2 days ago

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    Aphrodite1997 Aphrodite1997 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 6

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    Some guy at the bar turns to his friend

    and says: you are getting really fat!! His epic reply: yeah it's because every time I sleep with your wife she makes me a sandwich...
    wannahelpyou81 wannahelpyou81 31-35, M 1 Response Nov 26, 2014

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    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 8 Responses Apr 23

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