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I Love Stupid Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9,563 People

    missreeedy missreeedy 31-35, F Feb 8

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    Men say that women should come with instruction,

    what's the point of that? Have you actually seen a man read the instructions anyways?..
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 3 Responses Apr 23

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    Q: How do you drown a blonde?

    A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. [no offense blondes]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 5 days ago

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    QUOTES TAKEN FROM ACTUAL FEDERAL EMPLOYEE

    PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS: 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig." 2. "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." 3. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 4. "This employee is really not so much...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

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    One day mom was cleaning her son's room

    and under the bed, she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Dad...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 23, 2014

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    Ha!Ha! Ha! My Favorite One: Why did the little

    girl keep falling out of the swing? --- She has no arm.
    Prokamin Prokamin 36-40, F 6 Responses Jun 12

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    Johnviolinist823 Johnviolinist823 22-25, M 1 Response Jun 22

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    After serving 18 months of a 25-year sentence,

    a man escaped from prison. His escape was the lead story on the early evening TV news and knowing that there would be a huge search party out looking for him, he took care to make his way home via a long, cross-country route of fields and forests. When he finally made it to his...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Apr 13

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    What do you call a elephant

    that is not relevant? Erelephant 😁
    L0serLikeMe L0serLikeMe 18-21, F 6 Responses Jun 14

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    unAmigo unAmigo 41-45, M 1 Response 2 days ago

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    My friend told me this joke was the only one

    laughing lol Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!
    brenda4696 brenda4696 18-21, F Jan 2

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    Daughter: Mom I am pregnant.

    Mom: But I told you to say don't when a boy touches your b-oobs and say stop when he touches your va-gi-na. Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop....
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her

    husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Killed any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 2 Responses a week ago

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    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    Daughter: Mom I am pregnant.

    Mom: But I told you to say don't when a boy touches your b-oobs and say stop when he touches your va-gi-na. Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop....
    nightstar123 nightstar123 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 7 Responses Apr 23

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    I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.

    it's just something I could really see myself doing
    jbm1984 jbm1984 31-35, F 6 Responses May 27

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    I was thinking about the writing on the EP

    experience and it occurred to me that there is some room for improvement in style. I've come up with the following points to improve the the writing on EP. 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. Avoid clichés like the plague...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response 4 days ago

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    An Englishman, a Scotsman,

    an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and anAlaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a...
    tammy96 tammy96 51-55, M 2 Responses Jun 21

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    Q: what is the difference between a dirty bus

    stop and a lobster with breast implant? A: One is crusty bus station and another is busty crustacean.
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    Aphrodite1997 Aphrodite1997 18-21, F 4 Responses Apr 6

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    One day a chicken came into the library

    and went "book". The librarian gives the chicken a book, the chicken sticks it under its wing and leaves. The next day, the chicken returns and goes "book-book-book". The librarian gives the chicken 3 books, the chicken sticks it under its wings again and leaves. The day after...
    Gentle153Old Gentle153Old 26-30, M Dec 15, 2014

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    An atheist was walking through the woods.

    'What majestic trees!' 'What powerful rivers!' 'What beautiful animals!' He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    While the barber is lathering the man up

    for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks. The barber replies with a solution and pulls a small wooden ball out of this cabinet drawer. "Place the wooden ball between your cheek and gum on the right side and you...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

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    Q: Why was the blonde upset

    when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an "F" in sex. [follow for more.]
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 6 days ago

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    I would rather cuddle then have sex.

    if you're good with grammar, you'll get it.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response Apr 23

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    Worrying is stupid, it's like walking around

    with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.
    jyjyb jyjyb 18-21, F 2 days ago

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    Whenever you're feeling sad,

    remember: somewhere some idiot is trying to push a door that's says pull.
    MommysGotTats420 MommysGotTats420 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 19

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    What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say

    whenever he's asked to upgrade his Windows system?..............I still love Vista, baby.
    Bumblelion Bumblelion 31-35, M 6 Responses a week ago

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    What happens when you mix human DNA with goat

    DNA?........You get yourself banned from the petting zoo.
    Bumblelion Bumblelion 31-35, M 1 Response Jun 23

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    Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday

    and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response May 20

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    If you ever feel stupid,

    remember that one time my twin brother forgot my birthday.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 2 Responses Apr 23

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    A blonde, a redhead,

    and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family...
    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    So

    So this guy who suffers from premature *********** comes out of nowhere...
    KendraKitty KendraKitty 22-25, F 6 Responses Nov 21, 2013

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    Me: Hey, did you hear about the kid

    who got punched in the face? Guy: No? Me: it's you. *punches kid in face*
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jun 22

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    cnk2015 cnk2015 22-25, F 2 Responses Jan 3

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    Two peanuts walk into a bar,

    one was a salted. I was a banker, but I lost interest. I had a job crushing cans, it was soda pressing.. How do you make holy water? You boiler the hell out of it. A soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray, is a seasoned veteran. If you ever need an ark, I...
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 1 Response May 11

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    deleted deleted 26-30 11 Responses Apr 10

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    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe

    and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of...
    zydeko zydeko 18-21 Jun 22

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    Adamsofeve Adamsofeve 26-30, M 2 days ago

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    These are my favorite I found on the internet

    and I would give them credit but I forget a name of that site. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah! A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196...
    Ariamis Ariamis 18-21, M 2 days ago

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    What my girlfriend thought,

    first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow,a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
    omarrochet omarrochet 18-21, M 1 Response Mar 7

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    Why doesn't Santa have any kids?

    Because he only comes once a year.
    Bflyboo14 Bflyboo14 13-15, F 3 Responses May 13

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    What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

    ......Make me one with everything.
    Bumblelion Bumblelion 31-35, M 2 Responses Jun 11

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    A man got pulled over

    for speeding .. The officer approached the car and said " sir if you can give me one good reason why you were speeding I'll let you go ... The man thought a second and then said " a few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back...
    roxy20122929292 roxy20122929292 22-25, F 3 Responses May 19

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    A rich Arab walks into a bar

    and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know that this guy is Jewish. So, he shouts over to the bartender loudly so that everyone can hear, “Drinks for...
    hancockian hancockian 66-70, M 1 Response Mar 24

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    Some guy at the bar turns to his friend

    and says: you are getting really fat!! His epic reply: yeah it's because every time I sleep with your wife she makes me a sandwich...
    wannahelpyou81 wannahelpyou81 31-35, M 1 Response