It's not like I am googling these, they are all my originals! Here is my funny list for this day:
My girl and I decided we would only smoke after having sex, I have been nicotine free for months now and that ***** is smoking 2 packs a day!
Dude...dude...oh my gosh dude...dude...
My list of actual status messages I made for today:
If just one pissed off butterfly kicks the wrong stone, no matter how small, we are all effed!
I knew a guy with one leg, one arm and only one eye...we called him lucky!
I betcha having sex with Michelle Duggar feels more like...
Let's see what Chron can think up today!
Australia won't let me back in their country, that sucks man, it's not my fault my baby took that dingo ;)
If I wanted your opinion...it would only prove I was desperate for ****** advice!
Female bartenders who can't hear very well are...
is feeling a bit like a zombie.
(Feb 26 2011) Is bit like a zombie again. She is listening to techno...
is listening to Hot Blooded. I was watching Three To Tango last night. Amy sang this song in the showers. It was so funny.is listening to music.
No guarantees these will be any good, cos it's getting tougher!
I wear similes on my hip, like a couple of six shooter pistols in the old west, if you aren't careful I just might draw on you, pard!
I betcha after Mr. Whipple died, everyone started squeezing the hell out of some...
Today's gems I thought of:
Grrr I can't decide if I want 6 of one or a half dozen of the other!
My buddy was just at my house visiting when he got a phone call from his best girl that made me sooo happy I don't have a girlfriend, especially one bitching me out!
"No sir...I said...
"Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, capture the good times, develope from the negatives and if things don't work out take another shot! :D " 4.12.12 2:22pm
Very inspirational thought, I like it. Its too good to only last 3 days or less.
Another day, more status messages!
Boys...why do we spend the first 9 months just trying to get out, only to spend the rest of our lives trying to get back in?
I am as happy as a tri peckered billy goat on a nannie farm in the spring!
Well I have to keep em coming now, they are like candy to kids, so here is today's list:
Oh I'm sorry, did I grab the wrong name tag because I think I have yours, this one says hello my name is Douchebag!
Oh sorry, I didn't hear what you said, all I heard was the pot calling the...
And so on they go, how long can I keep this up? Todays list:
So I'm at the bar tonight and a grasshopper walks in. The bartender says "hey, you know we have a drink named after you?" The grasshopper looks at him and says: "you have a drink named Irving?"
No, I didn't say do you...