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I Love This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 241 People

    An old hillbilly farmer had a wife

    who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He plowed a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response May 23

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    One day, while going to the shop,

    I passed by a retirement village. On the front lawn there were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way. On my return trip, I passed the same retirement village with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    Degree Gift

    A Grandma and her Grandson were shopping in a supermarket.The Grandma realizes that the Kid has picked a toy. She calls out; ''Degree, put that toy back".'The Kid returns the toy. Astonished, another Customer asks; ''Is that his name?'' The Grandma replies; ''Yes, I sent his...
    PrinceKen PrinceKen 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2013

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    Two Ladies Talking In Heaven

    1st woman: Hi! Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 22, 2010

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    As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,

    he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Jul 8

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    A little girl asks her mum,

    'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.' 'What does that mean?' asked the child. 'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Apr 3

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    Thankfully, These Students Have No Hidden Agender

    (I am tutoring a group of fourth and fifth graders. I’m female.) Me: “Okay, guys. Just to let you know, I will not be here on Friday. I am taking the day off.” Student #1: “What? You’d rather be somewhere else than here with us?” Me: “Well, if you must know… it...
    serenitee068 serenitee068 22-25, F 1 Response Jul 4, 2013

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    Great Comeback......snotty Receptionist

    I think we have all met this lady at one time or another. An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 8, 2013

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    A Good Laugh For People In The Over 60 Group!

    The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 6 Responses Nov 27, 2013

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    The Trooper

    A state trooper pulls a lady over. He walks up to the car, opening his ticket book. The lady says, " I guess you are going to sell me a ticket to the Troopers Ball?" The Trooper responds "Troopers don't have balls!" At that, he closes his book, tips his hat to the lady and...
    lonelybm lonelybm 61-65, M Mar 17, 2013

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    Answers Of A Brilliant Student Who Obtained 0% I Would Have Given Him 100%

    Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Jan 4, 2012

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    Schnauzer...

    My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 25, 2012

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    Bagpiper At A Funeral

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless Man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 6, 2012

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    STRONG,SEXIEST, Gorgeous?

    Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together. Shrek said, "I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure? Angelina Jolie agreed, 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.' Brad Pitt...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Mature Ladies.

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman; Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop; Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman; Oh, I see. Traffic Cop; Can I see your license please? Older Woman; Well, I'd give it to you but I don't have one...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 14 Responses Sep 2, 2009

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    When Grandma Goes to Court.

      Lawyers should never ask a Mississipi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 17 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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    Cuddles... the Poodle

    A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 21, 2009

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    Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving

    TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP. *** THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL MY MIGHT *** TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK...
    Manwithabigsmile Manwithabigsmile 56-60, M 6 Responses Nov 19, 2012

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    An Irish Letter...

    The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company. Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Mar 2, 2013

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    Where's Herman?

    Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jul 29, 2009

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    Hehe

    CURTAIN RODS ---- PRICELESS !! She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at 'their' beautiful dining room table...
    purplepaws purplepaws 31-35, F 13 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    The Talking Dog...

    A man was walking down the street and he noticed a sign on a garden gate, it read `Talking Dog For Sale`. Well, he was intrigued and looked over the gate; there was a Golden Labrador sitting just inside. `Are you the talking dog?` he asked; `Yep, thats me` replied the dog. The...
    oddjob007 oddjob007 61-65, M 3 Responses Apr 2, 2012

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    Golf Panties.... The Swede's wife steps up

    to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Dec 4, 2013

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    I Love This Doctor!!!

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 12 Responses Aug 4, 2009

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    Tax Man

    At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his

    limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses May 20

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    ONESTONE !!!

    There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was "Onestone". He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    Two Old Friends

    Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses Nov 12, 2012

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    Men

    An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she ******** from the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    The Stranded Irishman

    One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a desert island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Apr 29, 2013

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    No One Believes Seniors . . . Everyone Thinks They Are Senile.

    An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 14 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Grocery Shopping.

    When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "St rip down, facing me." Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this running amok security nonsense, I did just as she had instructed. After the shrieking and hysterical remarks...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 23, 2013

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    A Broom Story

    Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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    Bedroom TV

    Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks , 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Sep 19, 2013

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    I Have A Joke That Still Makes Me Laugh From The Marriage Counselor

    Only cuz it's my every days mans worst nightmare and u guys who are getting this all I can say is "GO FK UR SELF" lmao meaning it cuz I'm jealous, now here it comes We go in and sit and the Dr comes in and says hi ect so we are talking about our atv's and do a lot of kayaking...
    Bulldwg48 Bulldwg48 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 5, 2013

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    An Irish Blonde

    On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jun 24, 2013

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    The Sharing of Marriage...

    I love this joke.... The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 9 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    The Devil Made Me Do It..

    Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what: metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 11 Responses Dec 9, 2009

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    Subject: Crabs - Priceless

    A rude lawyer boarded an airplane in San Francisco with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for Him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator for safe keeping. He advised her that he was holding her...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses May 20, 2013

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    HUSBAND'S Letter

      A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the Dining room table: 'To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Aug 20, 2009

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    New Job

    A middle aged guy in Dublin was starting on his first day in a new job as a taxi driver. he picked up his first fare in O'Connell Street in the city centre: 'Where to?' 'Donnybrook' came the reply. "I'll tell you where to let me out' So off they went, and as the...
    RoseViolet RoseViolet 46-50, F 5 Responses Sep 26, 2009

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    What Do You Get When You Cross An Insomniac, An Agnostic And A Dyslexic?

    A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog. :)
    obvious11 obvious11 18-21, F Nov 20, 2012

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    The Buttocks

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate Some of her own skin. However, the only skin...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 8 Responses Dec 4, 2009

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    Donald And Daisy

    Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Nov 27, 2013

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    CAR Trouble and More!!

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died,After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She say's, "Whats the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 7 Responses Jul 12, 2009

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    This Is A Real Tear Jerker

    One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    Have A Good Giggle

        A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed on her bed and squealing with delight.          Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    Oh Dear!!

    After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    Mother of the Bride.....

    Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever! But - a week later - Jennifer was...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 18, 2009

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    Golf Panties....

    Golf Panties.... A Swede, an Irishman and a Scotsman take their wives for an outing of golf. The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    THE DOT Finally someone has cleared this

    mystery up... For centuries Hindu women have worn a dot (Tikka) on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian High Commission in Canberra has recently revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married, she...
    perseverer perseverer 51-55, F 1 Response May 22

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    Related Experiences

    If u feel that I type my Jokes straight out of a joke book. then u r grossly mistaken. They are all Original. - Pg. 108 (I love Jokes & Riddles) - - End of Jokes Section 1...
    karmameter karmameter 36-40, M 2 Responses Jun 26

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    Jokes cheer me up cause they are funny
    AbbyBabe01 AbbyBabe01 13-15, F 1 Response 10 hrs ago

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