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I Love This Joke

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 233 People

    What Do You Get When You Cross An Insomniac, An Agnostic And A Dyslexic?

    A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog. :)
    obvious11 obvious11 18-21, F Nov 20, 2012

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    Men

    An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she ******** from the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

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    A Good Laugh For People In The Over 60 Group!

    The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Nov 27, 2013

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    The Devil Made Me Do It..

    Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what: metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 11 Responses Dec 9, 2009

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    Donald And Daisy

    Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Nov 27, 2013

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    Subject: Crabs - Priceless

    A rude lawyer boarded an airplane in San Francisco with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for Him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator for safe keeping. He advised her that he was holding her...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses May 20, 2013

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    The Moral Of This Story!!

    I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response Oct 10, 2012

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    This Is A Real Tear Jerker

    One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose. 'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see.' 'That's perfectly all right...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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    Twas The Night Of Thanksgiving

    TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING, BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP. *** THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL MY MIGHT *** TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK...
    Manwithabigsmile Manwithabigsmile 56-60, M 8 Responses Nov 19, 2012

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    My favourite joke :3 : A young Law student,

    having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?" Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?" Student...
    Oti91 Oti91 22-25, M 2 Responses Apr 3

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    ONESTONE !!!

    There once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was "Onestone". He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jul 14, 2009

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    Grocery Shopping.

    When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "St rip down, facing me." Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this running amok security nonsense, I did just as she had instructed. After the shrieking and hysterical remarks...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 23, 2013

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    CAR Trouble and More!!

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died,After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She say's, "Whats the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor". She asks, "How often do I have to do that...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 7 Responses Jul 12, 2009

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    Golf Panties.... The Swede's wife steps up

    to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well' she said, 'you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Dec 4, 2013

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    Cuddles... the Poodle

    A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 21, 2009

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    The Sharing of Marriage...

    I love this joke.... The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 9 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    An Irish Blonde

    On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snow ploughs can...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jun 24, 2013

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    Mature Ladies.

    A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman; Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop; Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman; Oh, I see. Traffic Cop; Can I see your license please? Older Woman; Well, I'd give it to you but I don't have one...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 14 Responses Sep 2, 2009

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    Bagpiper At A Funeral

    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless Man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Dec 6, 2012

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    Oh Dear!!

    After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Jan 19, 2013

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    The Stranded Irishman

    One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a desert island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response Apr 29, 2013

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    Bedroom TV

    Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks , 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Sep 19, 2013

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    Two Ladies Talking In Heaven

    1st woman: Hi! Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 22, 2010

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    Schnauzer...

    My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 25, 2012

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    Thankfully, These Students Have No Hidden Agender

    (I am tutoring a group of fourth and fifth graders. I’m female.) Me: “Okay, guys. Just to let you know, I will not be here on Friday. I am taking the day off.” Student #1: “What? You’d rather be somewhere else than here with us?” Me: “Well, if you must know… it...
    serenitee068 serenitee068 22-25, F Jul 4, 2013

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    Great Comeback......snotty Receptionist

    I think we have all met this lady at one time or another. An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Apr 8, 2013

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    Where's Herman?

    Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Jul 29, 2009

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    I Love This Doctor!!!

    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 12 Responses Aug 4, 2009

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    Tax Man

    At the end of the tax year, the Inland Revenue office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books he turned to the Accountant of the Hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    STRONG,SEXIEST, Gorgeous?

    Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together. Shrek said, "I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can I be sure? Angelina Jolie agreed, 'I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but sometimes I wonder.' Brad Pitt...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 16 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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    Golf Panties....

    Golf Panties.... A Swede, an Irishman and a Scotsman take their wives for an outing of golf. The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Oct 10, 2012

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    New Job

    A middle aged guy in Dublin was starting on his first day in a new job as a taxi driver. he picked up his first fare in O'Connell Street in the city centre: 'Where to?' 'Donnybrook' came the reply. "I'll tell you where to let me out' So off they went, and as the...
    RoseViolet RoseViolet 46-50, F 5 Responses Sep 26, 2009

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    The Talking Dog...

    A man was walking down the street and he noticed a sign on a garden gate, it read `Talking Dog For Sale`. Well, he was intrigued and looked over the gate; there was a Golden Labrador sitting just inside. `Are you the talking dog?` he asked; `Yep, thats me` replied the dog. The...
    oddjob007 oddjob007 61-65, M 3 Responses Apr 2, 2012

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    Hearing Problems

    A chap of advancing years, goes to see his doctor for his regular checkup. "Is there anything in particular troubling you?" asks the doctor, and the elderly chap says, "As a matter of fact there is something that is causing me concern doctor. You see, I can't...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 8 Responses Jul 11, 2009

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    The Buttocks

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the Man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body Because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate Some of her own skin. However, the only skin...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 8 Responses Dec 4, 2009

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    HUSBAND'S Letter

      A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the Dining room table: 'To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Aug 20, 2009

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    Degree Gift

    A Grandma and her Grandson were shopping in a supermarket.The Grandma realizes that the Kid has picked a toy. She calls out; ''Degree, put that toy back".'The Kid returns the toy. Astonished, another Customer asks; ''Is that his name?'' The Grandma replies; ''Yes, I sent his...
    PrinceKen PrinceKen 26-30, M 1 Response Feb 18, 2013

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    A Broom Story

    Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 5 Responses Sep 18, 2013

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    Have A Good Giggle

        A woman, in her fifties, is at home happily jumping unclothed on her bed and squealing with delight.          Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Oct 13, 2009

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    I Have A Joke That Still Makes Me Laugh From The Marriage Counselor

    Only cuz it's my every days mans worst nightmare and u guys who are getting this all I can say is "GO FK UR SELF" lmao meaning it cuz I'm jealous, now here it comes We go in and sit and the Dr comes in and says hi ect so we are talking about our atv's and do a lot of kayaking...
    Bulldwg48 Bulldwg48 41-45, M 1 Response Oct 5, 2013

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    Two Old Friends

    Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses Nov 12, 2012

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    Public Phone Call

    After a very busy, tiring day at the office, the young woman settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed the station. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2012

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    Mother of the Bride.....

    Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever! But - a week later - Jennifer was...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 18, 2009

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    A little girl asks her mum,

    'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.' 'What does that mean?' asked the child. 'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F Apr 3

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    The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress

    i heard this joke on an old Flip Wilson record. Saw my minister the other day. He was saying how much pressure women are under from the devil and how the devil just hounds women. It's rough being a minister, he told me. You come in here complaining about your problems and i...
    clarkee clarkee 51-55 3 Responses Sep 6, 2012

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    An Irish Letter...

    The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company. Gentlemen, I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 2 Responses Mar 2, 2013

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    Build A Bridge!!

    A man on his Harley was riding along St. Kilda beach when suddenly the sky clouded over and, in a booming voice God said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." the biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 1 Response Aug 24, 2012

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    When Grandma Goes to Court.

      Lawyers should never ask a Mississipi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 17 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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    Hehe

    CURTAIN RODS ---- PRICELESS !! She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at 'their' beautiful dining room table...
    purplepaws purplepaws 31-35, F 13 Responses Jul 8, 2009

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    No One Believes Seniors . . . Everyone Thinks They Are Senile.

    An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the...
    sharossody sharossody 70+, F 14 Responses Dec 27, 2009

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    Related Experiences

    Remember peter pipper? I'm not even sure if I mispelled it but remembering those riddle were like reminiscing of the past. I love humor, it does makes sense to me. O do love jokes...
    patooooots patooooots 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 22

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    In anticipation of a TV drama that is going to be shown soon based on the life of my favourite comedian, Tommy Cooper, here are some of his jokes. ********************** I went...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 1 hr ago

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    Following a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a claim of bodily injury, due to a car collision. The case was against an insurance agent, driver of...
    jenga1 jenga1 41-45, F 52 mins ago

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    Some more jokes....and riddles How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. Two...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F Mar 20

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    My friends and I have this running joke called "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    Serious question about a joke. Here is a joke. At the end of the joke, I ask some questions about your reaction to it. A man and a woman are alone in the elevator of a tall office...
    eddiecarbone eddiecarbone 61-65, M 7 Responses Mar 27

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