a certain private school in Chicago, IL was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12th-grade girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. Applying and wearing the lipstick was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips...
and questions make me to remember the craziest jokes. Well I know I should take people serious, there are all kind of conditions and people are here for support. But sometimes I can't help myself. I mean common all those urinating around your boobs pictures asking and nuts...
light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck...
WHY ENGLISH TEACHERS RETIRE EARLY
The following similes and metaphors were committed by high school students.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head...
Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a
bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised
in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." I looked through the
phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling...
but laughing can be a great distraction sometimes from how i feel. when i laugh it feels great, like nothing matters and my laugh makes others laugh and if i can't be happy then im glad other people can be. apparently, i have like 12 different laughs and not one of them sounds...
missus bought a paperback
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag. . . .
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared,
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope,
And in her right...
for the dogs. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. "I'm starting the dog food diet again. I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital...
snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the...
into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed...
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so...
"Hello" said the barman, "I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?"
"Fine. I be be fine. Thankee" replied the pirate.
The barman regarded him carefully. "Are you sure? What's happened to your leg?"
"Chain shot" answered the pirate. "Took my leg clean off just below the knee, but...
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
So The Man Behind Her Decided To Do THIS
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she...
Then This Happens
A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on.
She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about...
As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my...
question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr...
Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You've gotta be kiddin' me."
down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’
To which she...
"I'm divorcing Nathan.
All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.
My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece,
when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece."
Her mother says …..
"You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
You live in an 8 bedroom mansion!
You drive a $25...
dead crows along a stretch of the A90 in Aberdeenshire sparked considerable alarm after someone mentioned "bird flu." A specialist team was despatched and the road was temporarily closed whilst they collected some 200 crow carcasses and took them for autopsy in Aberdeen. A top...
and she's a fanatical FOX News watcher...it's all that is on our television whenever she comes to visit. This time I took a stand. It was priceless watching her keep trying to view the channel and a dumb look on her face trying to understand why FOX News would be "restricted...