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I Love to Laugh

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 35,552 People

    A Jewish daughter says to her mother,

    "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece." Her mother says ….. "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8 bedroom mansion! You drive a $25...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 25 Responses Jan 21

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    LOL...A husband went to the sheriff’s

    department to report that his wife was missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home. Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 16 Responses Jan 10

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    A young couple decided to wed.

    As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 9 Responses Feb 2

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    txbtrfly txbtrfly 41-45, F May 15

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    Somebody just sent me this message.

    Thank you for cheering me up, buddy! lol
    Daniel0018 Daniel0018 22-25, M 1 Response May 6

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    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 12 Responses Jan 2

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    I’m great at multitasking.

    I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 4 Responses Apr 25

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    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 18 Responses Jan 12

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    Prepare for trouble Make it double.

    . lolz anyone gonna help me out with the rest?? xD
    Tripp93 Tripp93 18-21, M Apr 29

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    Rectum Stretcher While she was ‘flying’

    down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’ To which she...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 11 Responses Jan 17

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    A blonde driving a car became lost in a

    snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 27 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    Why English Teachers Retire Early

    WHY ENGLISH TEACHERS RETIRE EARLY The following similes and metaphors were committed by high school students.    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.   2. His thoughts tumbled in his head...
    RomanticRunner RomanticRunner 46-50, T 17 Responses Nov 27, 2009

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    A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas

    and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the...
    VanTraveller VanTraveller 51-55, F 3 Responses May 1

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    I hate it when you think of something

    that leads to something else, and that leads to something, but then you can't think of the first thing you thought of!
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 1 Response May 14

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    Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a

    question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 20 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    LOL..Now you know the whole story.

    .. :P When God created Adam and Eve, He said: I only have two gifts: One is the art of peeing standing ... And then Adam stepped forward and shouted: ME!, ME!, ME!, I would love it please ... Lord, please, please! Look, it will make my life substantially easier. Eve nodded, and...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 16 Responses Jan 18

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    My mother-in -law is in town

    and she's a fanatical FOX News watcher...it's all that is on our television whenever she comes to visit. This time I took a stand. It was priceless watching her keep trying to view the channel and a dumb look on her face trying to understand why FOX News would be "restricted...
    Bumblelion Bumblelion 31-35, M 11 Responses Apr 17

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    Love2014nb Love2014nb 51-55, F May 6

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    NikkiCOCO NikkiCOCO 16-17, F 2 Responses May 13

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    Oh yeah, this is helping.

    ..https://youtu.be/1x-jTF5p6uY
    txbtrfly txbtrfly 41-45, F May 15

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    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 11 Responses Jan 13

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    Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty

    stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.
    AwesomeAlert AwesomeAlert 46-50, M 11 Responses Mar 28

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    A piece of black tarmacadam walk into a bar

    and says "I'm the toughest one here!" No one disagrees and the bar noise resumes. Ten minutes later, a piece of red tarmacadam walks into the same bar and says "I'm the toughest one here!" No one disagrees, but the barman whispers to the piece of black tarmacadam "I thought you...
    treborsniknej treborsniknej 56-60, M 1 Response May 6

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    Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey,

    what would Delaware? A: Idaho... Alaska! One of my favourites haha
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 6 Responses May 6

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    Some people are like Slinkies - not really good

    for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M May 2

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    This Woman Was Taking Too Long,

    So The Man Behind Her Decided To Do THIS As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 9 Responses Jan 16

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    BORN TO RUN - Parody - Bruce Springteen

    and Jimmy Fallon skit on Gov Chris Christie "Traffic Jam"
    Love2014nb Love2014nb 51-55, F 1 Response May 6

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    What do you get when you put 50 lawyers

    and 50 lesbians in a room together? 100 people who don't do ****.
    MsInvis MsInvis 46-50, F 7 Responses Apr 29

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    There are two types of human beings found on

    Facebook. One who gets an enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men... I hate to say it... But it's true
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 2 Responses May 2

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    Anytime an EP friend starts a story with "Well,

    my husband went over to the Tractor Supply store to pick up a surprise today..." I know that it's going to be a damn good story!
    BBWand40 BBWand40 41-45, F 6 Responses Apr 30

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    So I'm at Wal-mart buying a bag of dog food

    for the dogs. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog. "I'm starting the dog food diet again. I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 13 Responses Aug 1, 2014

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    It was a dark night, I could see nothing,

    everything was deathly quiet then I heard him enter the room. He was Shuttle and so gentle, before I knew it he had taken his fill of me and entered me. He left me when he was done. Bloody mosquito
    avachat avachat 51-55, M 1 Response Apr 30

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    LOL..Well, Duh!!! As a trucker stops at a red

    light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 15 Responses Jan 19

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F May 17

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F May 17

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    Gonna be a lot of these today,

    this dang weather is messing with my mood...https://youtu.be/Sd5XrUjpq1U
    txbtrfly txbtrfly 41-45, F 2 Responses May 15

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    Duck Hunters A woman brought a very limp duck

    into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 10 Responses Sep 30, 2014

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    ah that's what i miss from school,

    being laughing the whole day, since I arrived to the school bus and saw my friends already laughing i knew it was going to be a good day
    viperguy96 viperguy96 18-21, M May 8

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    Well, he asked for it.

    LOLOL ... love the Looney's. Enjoy ;)  
    deleted deleted 26-30 15 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Gorilla My Dreams -  The best part starts

    when he takes BB for a walk....
    Love2014nb Love2014nb 51-55, F May 5

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    The kind if laughing

    that makes your abs hurt. The silent kind too . You just feel so good after it all .
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses May 4

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    NURSERY RHYMES – with a difference Mary had a

    little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread. Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 17 Responses Jan 4

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    Don't you find it weird how our parents spend

    the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up..?
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 1 Response May 8

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    Video games don't make people violent

    and I'll kill anyone who disagrees
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 5 Responses May 17

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    By complete chance, Mr Walker

    and Mr Bell arrive at the remote Scottish kirk an hour too early for the funeral of their mutual acquaintance. Both men have been bitter competitors within the Scottish whisky industry for many years, but on such an occasion, they recognise it would be inappropriate not to be...
    treborsniknej treborsniknej 56-60, M May 6

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    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus on

    O Connell Street in Limerick City. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, So she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, The man burst out laughing, She...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 10 Responses Nov 28, 2014

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