into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed...
missus bought a paperback
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag. . . .
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey"
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared,
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope,
And in her right...
light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck...
a certain private school in Chicago, IL was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12th-grade girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. Applying and wearing the lipstick was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips...
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
WHY ENGLISH TEACHERS RETIRE EARLY
The following similes and metaphors were committed by high school students.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head...
I heard a man today on radio musing about life. He observed that people hardly ever die on their birthday, so he feels very relaxed and safe on his birthday because he does not need to fear dying. The day after the birthday is very dangerous though... chances are high to die on...
question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr...
so please have a sense of humor about this...I came across a meme on Pinterest that said:
Some of y'all men should be dressing like REAL men this Halloween cuz youve been acting like ******* all year 😂😂😂😂
O Connell Street in Limerick City. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, So she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, The man burst out laughing, She...
that laughter was sometimes the only way to get me out of my depression and grief. A good friend of mine that lost her son to cancer told me soon after my dad died that it is important to laugh. I never thought laughter was something to take seriously (LOL) but it is! I am...
Then This Happens
A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on.
She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about...
that guys can post whatever they want but soon as I post about how I don't like the messages they send to my inbox its immediately removed for violating code of conduct. So they can say what they want to me and I'm supposed to be silent. Yeah lmao next experience I see with...
world are on an airplane that has lost power and is descending fast toward a horrible, fiery crash. They have only two parachutes. Argueing over who should get each 'chute, the Rabbi says, "I'm on my way to Israel with sure-fire peace plan that will end conflict in the middle...
and to lighten my mood up, a bunch of fellas at work got together to put on a show for me. They gave me a burned cd and told me to pick whatever song I wanted, so I picked the lamest and most catchy tune I could find. I just watched 7 grown men dance and get down to Pop by Nsync...
So The Man Behind Her Decided To Do THIS
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she...
of people :) I usually love to laugh but I do it as a job to share happiness with others as well and make them feel a sense of belonging (which I lack).
I'm pretty useless in groups because I'm usually silent and spacing out, but with me in your group, you won't feel neglected...
When God created
Adam and Eve, He said:
I only have two gifts:
One is the art of peeing standing ...
And then Adam stepped forward and shouted:
ME!, ME!, ME!,
I would love it please ... Lord, please, please!
Look, it will make my life substantially easier.
Eve nodded, and...
down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’
To which she...
that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad
and in those 30 years,
they always left the lights off when
having sex. He was embarrassed and
scared that he couldn't please her, so
he always used a big ***** on her. All
these years she had no clue. One day,
she decided to reach over and flip the
light switch on and...