password in to their new computer they would both remember. The husband said I have got it & typed in "MYPENIS" Immeadietly his wife fell to the floor gasping and thrashing about in laughter. Dumbfounded the husban looked back upon the computer screen to see this caption...
question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr...
Florida Publix supermarket
and asked to buy a half head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole
heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the...
As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my...
a certain private school in Chicago, IL was faced with a unique problem.
A number of 12th-grade girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. Applying and wearing the lipstick was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips...
I asked him how he ended up this way.
He said: Up until This Last week, I still had it all !!!
A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my
clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head,
I had TV, Internet, I went to the gym, the pool...
department to report
that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not...
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
When God created
Adam and Eve, He said:
I only have two gifts:
One is the art of peeing standing ...
And then Adam stepped forward and shouted:
ME!, ME!, ME!,
I would love it please ... Lord, please, please!
Look, it will make my life substantially easier.
Eve nodded, and...
O Connell Street in Limerick City. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, So she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, The man burst out laughing, She...
shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You...
Then This Happens
A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on.
She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about...
down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’
To which she...
The 20 Biggest Plot Holes In World History if They Were Movies
1. That Jesus character was killed off and now he's back? I don't get it.
2. So let me get this straight... These American guys acquire this super-weapon that ultimately ended a massive war in a previous season...
snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the...
light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck...
front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends. For
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly...
drink when a large, Tattooed biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, with his fist in my face.
As I burst into tears the biker says, "Come on, man," "I didn't think you'd CRY, dude I was just messing...
after a very tough day trying to get a
Stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
Feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting...
and she's a fanatical FOX News watcher...it's all that is on our television whenever she comes to visit. This time I took a stand. It was priceless watching her keep trying to view the channel and a dumb look on her face trying to understand why FOX News would be "restricted...