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I Love to Laugh

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    Why English Teachers Retire Early

    WHY ENGLISH TEACHERS RETIRE EARLY The following similes and metaphors were committed by high school students.    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.   2. His thoughts tumbled in his head...
    RomanticRunner RomanticRunner 46-50, T 17 Responses Nov 27, 2009

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    According to a new report,

    a certain private school in Chicago, IL was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12th-grade girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. Applying and wearing the lipstick was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 11 Responses Jan 23

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    Don't you love it when you pause your show

    and the actors are frozen with a silly expression? Simply funny.
    SocialHermit SocialHermit 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 23

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    LOL..Well, Duh!!! As a trucker stops at a red

    light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 14 Responses Jan 19

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 30

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    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the

    shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You...
    VanTraveller VanTraveller 51-55, F 4 Responses Apr 10

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    A young couple decided to wed.

    As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 10 Responses Feb 2

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    I’m great at multitasking.

    I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
    HMC17 HMC17 13-15, M 4 Responses Apr 25

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    My memory's not as sharp

    as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
    littlefroghere littlefroghere 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 23

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 30

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    A man walked into the produce section of a

    Florida Publix supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the...
    hammer963 hammer963 51-55, M Aug 1

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    Woman Accuses Walmart Clerk Of Overcharging Her

    Then This Happens A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She is not sure which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart clerk standing there with dark shades on. She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 6 Responses Jan 19

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    What's the funniest message you've ever

    received on this site? I was just messaged this: "You sound married. How long is your hair?" Nearly peed myself! I love EP!
    SavannahAnsley SavannahAnsley 41-45, F 46 Responses Jul 21

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    This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a

    homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way. He said: Up until This Last week, I still had it all !!! A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, Internet, I went to the gym, the pool...
    VanTraveller VanTraveller 51-55, F 1 Response Aug 2

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    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 7 Responses Jan 20

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 30

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    Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a

    question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 19 Responses Nov 1, 2014

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    LOL...A husband went to the sheriff’s

    department to report that his wife was missing. Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home. Sergeant: What is her height? Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 15 Responses Jan 10

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    I really love laughing.

    maybe it's because when I was a kid I was miserable all the time I like to laugh at everything. I hate it sometimes people mistaken it for flirting but really I'm just laughing at it. Life is just too short to be miserable.
    chrisscott515 chrisscott515 22-25, F Aug 4

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    NURSERY RHYMES – with a difference Mary had a

    little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. Mary had a little lamb. Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two chunks of bread. Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 13 Responses Jan 4

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 28

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    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus on

    O Connell Street in Limerick City. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, So she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, The man burst out laughing, She...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 10 Responses Nov 28, 2014

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    lol i laugh at every

    and anything is that a good or bad thing? someone would be telling me some BS to hurt my feelings and what would i do laugh haha idc what can i say i have a good sense of humour LIFE TOO SHORT :p
    Degeneralfuqu1 Degeneralfuqu1 16-17, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty

    stomach and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 7.
    AwesomeAlert AwesomeAlert 51-55, M 8 Responses Mar 28

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    A blonde driving a car became lost in a

    snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 27 Responses Nov 17, 2014

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    If someone can make me belly laugh.

    ..I instantly am drawn to them. Being happy is always my goal but, doesn't always happen so it's nice to have ppl to make you laugh.
    Fuzzybear79 Fuzzybear79 36-40, F Jul 26

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    A Jewish daughter says to her mother,

    "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece." Her mother says ….. "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8 bedroom mansion! You drive a $25...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 20 Responses Jan 21

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    NikkiCOCO NikkiCOCO 16-17, F 2 Responses May 13

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 28

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 28

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 28

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    I you tube older comedians from the 70s

    and 80s. they seem much funnier to me than present day comedians.
    volvoman60 volvoman60 56-60, M 1 Response 16 hrs ago

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    Well, he asked for it.

    LOLOL ... love the Looney's. Enjoy ;)  
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    An attorney arrived home late,

    after a very tough day trying to get a Stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was Feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting...
    hammer963 hammer963 51-55, M Aug 1

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    lovelywarpedlemon lovelywarpedlemon 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    silverboym silverboym 18-21 1 Response Jul 28

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    This Woman Was Taking Too Long,

    So The Man Behind Her Decided To Do THIS As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 9 Responses Jan 16

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 28

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    LOL..Now you know the whole story.

    .. :P When God created Adam and Eve, He said: I only have two gifts: One is the art of peeing standing ... And then Adam stepped forward and shouted: ME!, ME!, ME!, I would love it please ... Lord, please, please! Look, it will make my life substantially easier. Eve nodded, and...
    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 13 Responses Jan 18

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 30

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    vickieprince vickieprince 51-55, F 8 Responses Jan 13

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    Earthlostangel Earthlostangel 46-50, F Jul 30

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    A boy and his father were playing catch in the

    front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it. "That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey for a week." Later the boy saw a butterfly, so he ran over and stomped it. "That was a butterfly...
    hammer963 hammer963 51-55, M Aug 1

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    I like to be happy and make people happy.

    Laughter is good exercise and it lightens the mood. Have you ever laughed so much that your side would hurt? I do on a regular basis. Keep smiling and laughing!
    jjohnnyboy jjohnnyboy 41-45, M 2 Responses Jul 23

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    A husband and wife were trying to put a

    password in to their new computer they would both remember. The husband said I have got it & typed in "MYPENIS" Immeadietly his wife fell to the floor gasping and thrashing about in laughter. Dumbfounded the husban looked back upon the computer screen to see this caption...
    1eneman 1eneman 51-55, M 4 Responses Jul 25

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    It always feels good to relieve stress by

    having a laugh attack 😂
    AnythingButLucky AnythingButLucky 13-15, F 2 days ago

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