Don't tell me I don't know the difference between right & wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and **** you off at the same time.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
when they do say that. i know from the moment it leaves their lips that its not true...they always have an agenda .... just be ******* honest n up front. head games are for the...
I don't mean crazy in a good way i mean crazy bad. Everyone at school thinks i'm crazy and wired because I wear stuff the make me look like a nerd. They say i'm strange and no one...
*Raised hand* I'm one of those women who will devour all the donuts, cakes & cookies and not give a single **** how fat I get. I love being fat, it's so fun watching my belly swell...
It's always a surprise to me, I'm always worried they're just joking with me, especially considering I'm overweight. But I have nice hair and a beard as well as a reasonably good...
i am a "chubby" "husky" (or any variety of fat euphemisms) girl. boys never paid any attention to me as a teen and I had many one date experiences where they didn't return my texts...
it almost freaks me out. I like it but I get scared they're messing with me because I really don't see it
I'm surprised every time because most people from my class said that I looked like an idiot and no girl would go out with me. after a while I started to believe them.
Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?
I don't do different things... It's just that I do things differently!
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Do not be racist;
be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
When people don't make sense, listen to music. It always does.
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
I'm not crazy; I've just been in a bad mood for the last 27 years.
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.
Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
I get plenty of exercise - jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.
I'm the type of person who tries to fall back asleep in the morning, just to finish a dream..!!!
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
Every organisation is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Time heals all wounds. I broke your watch
People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.
I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the...
After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF!
Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!