I 'm A Fan Of Chuck Norris Jokes

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 235 People

    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 5, 2015

    When a zombie apocalypse starts,

    Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 27, 2014
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    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 13, 2015
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    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 28, 2015

    CNN has the best coverage

    because it was invented by Chuck Norris. It stands for the Chuck Norris Network.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 2, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 28, 2014

    Cavemen didn't invent fire Chuck Norris mearly

    clicked his fingers and gave it to them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 31, 2015

    When Chuck Norris is at the beach he doesn't

    get tanned the sun gets Chuck Norrised
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 21, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 19, 2015

    Chuck Norris turns on a night light

    when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 6, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 12, 2015

    Smith and Wesson always beats four aces.

    ...Chuck Norris always beats Smith and Wesson.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 4, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 3, 2015

    Chuck Norris doesn't need electricity at his

    house, everything runs out of fear.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Mar 27, 2015

    DC Comics said that kryptonite was the only

    thing able to defeat Superman, They were wrong They forgot about Chuck.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Jul 25, 2015

    here's one I've never seen

    before thought I would share. Chuck Norris was born on may 6th 1945. The nazis surrendered on may 7th 1945. Coincidence? I think not!
    usedandabused73 usedandabused73
    41-45, M
    1 Response Nov 23, 2015

    30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck

    Norris's beard... They were never seen again.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 6, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 10, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 23, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 19, 2014

    Chuck Norris got the privilege to have more

    than 10 items in the rapid line.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 30, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2015

    When America ran out of nukes,

    they parachuted Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 16, 2014

    Chuck Norris has a diary.

    It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 27, 2014

    Chuck Norris complained to the restaurant

    that there was a waiter in his soup.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 3, 2015

    When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris"

    for every answer. You will score over 8000.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 5, 2014
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Sep 13, 2014

    Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with

    his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Dec 2, 2014

    Before he forgot a gift

    for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jun 30, 2015

    Chuck Norris broke the screen of a Nokia phone

    because he hought it was a touch screen.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 11, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 13, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 16, 2015

    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

    Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Mar 27, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 26, 2015

    There used to be a street named

    after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 14, 2015
    tiamaman tiamaman
    46-50, F
    Nov 12, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 2, 2015

    Chuck Norris doesn't need a can opener,

    he just stares at the can untill it gives.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 26, 2014

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC,

    claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 5, 2014

    Only Chuck Norris dares to admit

    that he took the cookie from the cookie jar
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Dec 31, 2014

    Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burnt;

    that would be a foolish thing for the sun to do.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 27, 2015

    Chuck Norris is the only known person

    who can can cut a diamond with his abs.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 18, 2015

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars.

    That's why there are no signs of life there.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Apr 29, 2015

    Chuck Norris is so cool he doesnt move a mussle

    to get somewere he makes the universe get of its lazy *** and move itself
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 5, 2014
    tiamaman tiamaman
    46-50, F
    Sep 24, 2015

    Thunder and lightning were named

    after Chuck Norris' fists.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 1, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 5, 2014

    Chuck was hit by a car once,

    the car was in critical condition.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 8, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 21, 2015

    A man with a bag of Lays potato chips taunted

    Chuck Norris: "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris ate the chips, the bag, and the man.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Apr 17, 2014

    It was once believed

    that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 29, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2015

    Chuck Norris got set on fire.

    The fire had to stop, drop, and roll.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response May 8, 2015

    Chuck Norris went into a maze.

    .. the maze got lost
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    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 1, 2015

    Gordon Brown can't save the world,

    only Chuck Norris can save the world.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 20, 2015
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    61-65, M
    1 Response May 16, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 24, 2015

    Chuck Norris' lunch was stolen during a camping

    trip. No one has seen Big Foot ever since.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 23, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 26, 2014

    Chuck Norris can precisely define a particles

    velocity and position without any inherent uncertainty
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jul 26, 2015
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