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I 'm Not Suicidal But I Do Want to Die

The pain is constant, so it feels like there's nothing here but pain & more pain. 244 People

    I Will Never Jump Off A Cliff, But I Dont Mind Being Pushed.

    i went to counselling and was confirmed that i am severely depressed. then the counselor would ask "are you suicidal?" i always say never. and it's the truth. i'd never take my own life. every time i think about death, i remind myself the pain and troubles are only temporary. in...
    baka33 baka33
    26-30, F
    Apr 19, 2013

    Keep Thinking About "I Want To Die"

    Recently, I keep repeating "I want to die, I want to die" in my mind ecspecially during the time after work. I know I'm not really want to kill myself. It just life is stressful and I think I'm not doing great to achieve something.
    zee85 zee85
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Sep 9, 2013

    People see me as a strong,

    competent, lucky and jolly person. I have a job as a junior manager, but deep inside, lately there is a wish for me to die in a natural way. I dont think I can kill myself. When i get the chance I always talk to God and ask Him to end this miserable life for me. I feel so alone...
    dyingme dyingme
    26-30, F
    Dec 19, 2013

    My Depression Is Partly To Blame...

    I have a feeling that I'll die before I hit 50. I'm 20 now. But, you know what? I wouldn't mind death. I know there people who would miss me, but I just feel like dying might be better for some people around me. I feel like I'm doomed to spend my life alone anyway (why not die...
    Polymathica20 Polymathica20
    18-21, M
    1 Response Aug 7, 2011

    As much as I want to say

    that I'm living a life that I want, I can't. Almost every day I am fighting to be happy. I have a good brother that cares about me enough to take me from a bad situation and allows me to be honest about myself with him, but there are things that I just don't feel comfortable...
    DeeSolMischief DeeSolMischief
    22-25, F
    1 Response May 27, 2015

    I won't kill myself but I have nothing to live

    for. I want to die ant the sooner the better. I have friends and an adult child but I feel all alone. I have other family as well who I know would be devastated if I died, but I still want to die. I have written my own obituary and directed my funeral plans. Will is in...
    jahnssteve jahnssteve
    61-65, M
    Oct 12, 2015

    I Have Had a Death Wish For Most of My Life,

    In fact I can't really remember a time when I didn't have it. Cuddled it like one would a kitten  In ranges from drinking  obscene amounts of booze,to shooting so much cocaine in one shot, shutting up in a hotel room with an 8 ball and new bag of syringes. ...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    9 Responses Sep 20, 2009

    Three months ago, my 34-year-old wife suddenly

    and unexpectedly passed away. She had bone repair surgery in her leg, and a blood clot from the surgery travelled to her heart and took her from me instantly. I was at work when she passed, and I found her when I retuned home with dinner for us that night. I had been working...
    sonofossory sonofossory
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Jun 19, 2014

    Eh.......

    I am not suicidal, I am not going to take any actions, to hurt myself, or remove myself from this world, but i wouldn't mind it, if I was dead, because being dead, is better than being alive, and feeling this pain right now. I wouldn't mind being dead. It would free me...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Feb 24, 2010

    I don't know why I want to die.

    I just don't want to live anymore. Today I cried for hours with out a true reason except that I felt ugly. I feel guilty for putting this burden on my bf. who wants to lay next to somebody who can't stop crying. I'm tired and there is nothing really to look up to. Once I can...
    Actor13 Actor13
    22-25
    Feb 12, 2015

    Simply put, I'm not content.

    I am unemployed and I'm sure that's not helping but I just graduated from a highly technical and stressful degree and I wasn't content then either. If I'm busy I don't seem to notice it but when I'm alone with nothing to do I feel myself wasting away. My sister blames capitalism...
    RedSweat RedSweat
    26-30, F
    Mar 15

    I have felt this way

    for a while. I've had everything taken from me. In one year my car was totaled, which made it to where i couldnt get to work so lost my job. My partner after 4 years left me and my family has never really been there. Im now living in a apartment with no furniture, working at a...
    bwilli256 bwilli256
    22-25, M
    Oct 19, 2014

    Blood

    I don't worry about death. I've been depressed for years: some days I'm really strong and I have a plan and other days I'm ready to die and I wish I could kill myself. I can remember the first time I could have and I feel really guilty for wasting all this time - I feel like I...
    Joshi321 Joshi321
    22-25
    1 Response Jun 6, 2012

    You Nailed It

    I don't want to commit suicide, but I can't get it out of my mind that I want to die. I just want out of my life. I hate everything about it. I'm tired, for 55 years I've done nothing but do for everyone else and it's gotten me nothing in return. My life has been a complete...
    ddnlj ddnlj
    46-50, F
    1 Response Sep 1, 2013

    I'm Turning 55 In 8 Days ...

    I'm hoping there is a reason I stumbled on this page; because I believe everything happens for a reason. For most of my life, it seems in episodic decades, I've felt bad for different reasons. Parents, relationships, failed marriages, life decisions, etc. I never got along...
    Derpdderp Derpdderp
    56-60, F
    1 Response Nov 14, 2013

    Coma

    i think for me death is better than living I'm not willing to comet a suicide any time soon but sometimes i wish i woulddeath is not that great but it's better than living in hell on earthi just hate my life so much right now i don't wanna move forward or go back all i wanna do...
    princessmemo princessmemo
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Aug 22, 2011

    And What I Am Telling Is Not A Lie

    Life seems to be unkind I feel alone in a sea of mankind
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Nov 6, 2013

    I am just not sure what to do.

    I am ok/fine/good enough about 70% of the time and hopeful about 5% of the time. In the midst of this fragments of the other 25% creep in and knock me to my knees. Have I not grieved enough? Greieved appropriately? Or am I dwelling in something I should move through? My sleep is...
    OneRedmarble OneRedmarble
    51-55, F
    Jan 22, 2014

    Not Suicidal...

    I am not suicidal, I am not going to take any actions, to hurt myself, or remove myself from this world, but i wouldn't mind it, if I was dead, because being dead, is better than being alive, and feeling this pain right now. I wouldn't mind being dead, because than I would...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    4 Responses Oct 14, 2009

    I'm 19 and all my life I've just always felt

    like I had no purpose, no reason to live .The feelings got worse when I found out I was adopted in 2013, finding this out made me feel alone,empty, and left me wondering who the hell I am ..my life just has no purpose ..why keep living? I don't even know who I am! I don't think...
    annalise1223 annalise1223
    18-21, F
    Mar 19, 2015

    It's Not About Death...

    I'm not saying I want to be forever dead. It's just I don't want to be on Earth. It sucks that we are only have 2 options: Be alive on Earth or die. That's not fair. I want to be alive, just not on this planet!
    LovelessDeluxe LovelessDeluxe
    22-25
    9 Responses Aug 22, 2011

    I Don't Know What Do To...

    Basically, I didn't finish college , which i know sounds all "whatever, and ****", but I was expected to. I've worked some pretty ****** menial jobs and right now I'm taking advantage of peoples' generosity (and, or, corporate expense accounts), to live. I have a wonderful...
    thedoctor5208 thedoctor5208
    26-30, M
    Oct 27, 2011

    I wish I was suicidal.

    If I could I would like to just drive off a cliff. Just shut eyes and welcome the darkness. The void. The nothing. No more worries, pain. I think about it when I drive over over passes. I know that seems strange since, if I drove off an over pass I probably wouldn't die...
    tinab12 tinab12
    51-55, F
    1 Response Mar 12, 2014

    I am tired to live in this competitive

    and random world. I know I will die eventually, but I hope I can die sooner . Life is pointless. I am but a tiny little dust in this universe. I don't have the intelligence to make a difference in this society. I am currently studying at University, hoping to get a job after...
    dirtyuer dirtyuer
    18-21, M
    Feb 14

    I feel the only thing

    that keeps me fighting day-to-day is my twin sister. Sometimes I hate being a twin because I know I would've died by now without her, but other times I'm glad I'm a twin-cause I'd be dead without her. <3
    troubledtwin troubledtwin
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jan 14

    I've always wanted to die.

    I can't understand how to be happy. I tried everything. I collected experiences, did drugs, found love; nothing ever made me want to live. Somehow i'm alive and i don't know why. In the past i've coped by cutting, putting myself in dangerous situations and attempting...
    junkplayin junkplayin
    26-30, M
    3 Responses May 5, 2015

    The Only Way I Know How To Express Myself.

    “Truth or Dare?” The rules are simple. You spin the bottle, whoever it lands on is asked truth or dare, if it's a truth they are asked a question in which they must answer honestly, if they choose dare they are dared to do something they wouldn't ordinarily do, maybe it's...
    dybim dybim
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Jul 4, 2011

    I'M Living My Life Everyday, But Im Wishing For My Death Every Second.

    I almost, almost committed suicide few months ago. I was so ready. I was at the point where i no longer care that i'm going straight to hell for taking my own life. There were so many things going on and i felt like i couldn't cope with everything, everyone anymore. I was so, so...
    mistfox mistfox
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 5, 2013

    Trapped In A Marriage

    i married when i was 20, i'm 29 now and they have been the most miserable years of my life, i thought i was in love but i think i just wanted someone, we have been through a lot. but after just one year of the marriage i wanted out, but my husband is unstable, he is violent but...
    thetrapped thetrapped
    26-30, F
    1 Response Apr 16, 2011

    Just really doesn't seem worth the hassle to be

    honest. I have to do so much work to even have a life that qualifies as 'okay', but I could literally die at any time so what's the point? Even if I live, it still doesn't seem worth it. Why bother, y'know?
    stretchketch stretchketch
    26-30, M
    1 Response Feb 8, 2014

    Another Young Soul

    Fourth suicide in my life. I didn't know the teen, but my best friend did. She's a wreck. This is the reason I'm still here. I can't do this to my loved ones. I guess it's a reality check when I had just started becoming more comfortable with idea of taking my own life. Weird...
    anonymouslyem anonymouslyem
    18-21, F
    Nov 12, 2013

    If I'm Not Happy, Why Live?

    Dying is always in the back of my mind. I'm afraid to die but at the same time it would be so worth it. I sleep a lot. It's way for me to sleep and dream that I'm rotting away. It's hard to not want to die when you are so alone. Its weird how I can be at a huge party full of...
    RachelST RachelST
    18-21
    3 Responses Apr 14, 2012

    Too Long

    I have been around for 46 years.  I am neither depressed nor suidical and yet life for me is too long.  I know it is impossible but if I could, I would gladly change places with someone who is terminally ill.  I know, beyond any doubt, that I have reached the...
    theend123 theend123
    46-50
    1 Response Apr 30, 2010

    I just get so bored with this life sometimes,

    even tho I know I've barely scratched the surface of really living. I had an accident 4 years ago, during which I died twice, and now it's almost as if I think I should have let go at that point. My life is pretty wonderful now, don't get me wrong, and I do have plans for the...
    Serenewyrd Serenewyrd
    22-25, T
    Apr 3, 2015

    You All...

    ...have something in common, so have i, which is - everybody tells their thing and its natural, as said. Im no exception. I mean, this is the point and how the thread is structured, come and tell how you feel, however will telling it help, i thought when i signed up. every person...
    liketwo liketwo
    36-40
    1 Response Jul 16, 2013

    Death With A Question Mark

    i used to be suicidal and self harm and sometimes i still have the thoughts to do so but now i dont think about killing myself. i just want to die? i dont compleatly understand it but i sometimes dont wear my seatbelt or i think about walking outside alone at night. is that the...
    Dontplease Dontplease
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 4, 2011

    I am still living ok.

    I have a wonderful family and I am helping others out with selfless motives. I am reading bible verses and praying. I'm glad I have people worth living for as well as God. I also work out and try to eat healthy I've been depressed for a good part of my life and now I understand...
    zachlabodz zachlabodz
    22-25, M
    Jun 23, 2015

    I Don't Even Know Where To Begin

      and it wouldn't matter even if i did.
    laceyspacey laceyspacey
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 11, 2013

    I'm not sure when it started

    but as a child I was convinced I'd take my own life - I no longer want to do it myself but I keep expecting to die soon. I've had a very good life so far, no major trauma, supportive family, the whole thing. I don't feel depressed or suicidal, but have been thinking of death a...
    jualle jualle
    26-30, F
    4 Responses Mar 16, 2015
    stevencharybdis stevencharybdis
    51-55, M
    Dec 15, 2013

    Every day I wake up and I begin with God I just

    don't want to be here any more. But when my husband here's this or any one else they are like so quick to call 911. Yeah, I trust my husband so much and tell him "I want to hang myself" or I just don't want to be here anymore, but I would expect after 5-6 years of knowing each...
    livelaughlovelife85 livelaughlovelife85
    31-35, F
    Mar 15, 2014

    For as long as I can remember,

    as early as 3 years old I've prayed for God to take me, get me out of this world. Either for the fear that suicide is a mortal sin and would send me strait to Hell or the fact that I just don't have the courage to do it, I'll never kill my self, but I want to die. Though I have...
    Pleading Pleading
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Jan 14, 2015

    Self Explanitory

    I wish I could die. I'm not going to try to kill myself, but I just want to die. If someone pointed a gun at my head I wouldn't care if they shot me. I would be thankful. :|
    MyArmHurts MyArmHurts
    18-21, F
    6 Responses Feb 15, 2012

    Common Thought

    The only reason I'm still alive is because my parents and few friends. I know the guilt that one feels when a loved one commits suicide. I don't want anyone I care about to feel that way. It's just hard when your only reason to live is not to upset others.
    anonymouslyem anonymouslyem
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Nov 4, 2013

    Ive been depressed.. well ever

    since I can remember. I was a really angry child and always had an abundance of negative thoughts. As I got older, the anger subsided but the sadness got worse. Around 15, I actually came to the point of sitting myself down with a bunch of pills in my hand ready to go.. but...
    wweleah wweleah
    18-21, F
    Jun 28, 2014

    I've tried everything to get better from anxiety

    and depression but nothing works, I just keep getting worse.
    kateelisha kateelisha
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Dec 23, 2013

    Since I Was A Young Girl

    I cannot remember a point in my life where I was consistently happy. The sadness started taking over me approximately around the age of ten--I'm estimating this number by the handwriting I found in an old diary in which I wrote things like "I hate myself" over and over and...
    anonymouslyem anonymouslyem
    18-21, F
    1 Response Oct 22, 2013

    The Snowball Effect

    In restrospect it was like an avalanche. One piece of ice fell and that was enough. Just enough to cause some snow to shift and then to fall, which then caused more to shift, and so on and so forth until it was a wall of ice with a life and power of its own. It was heading...
    Mebee525 Mebee525
    18-21, F
    1 Response Dec 12, 2011

    I don't want to harm myself at all.

    In fact I love myself and my family. Sometimes I just get very discouraged with life and people. In my career I get to deal with so many types of people some nice, some not so nice, and some are downright A-holes! But the main thing that I've realized about living is how selfish...
    AlmaAngel AlmaAngel
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jun 27, 2015

    I'm miserable, suffering from major depression

    wounded by PTSD. I've tried numerous therapy methods and medications and alternative medicine. Fact is, I'm mortally wounded - I can't be healed. How can I find sympathetic euthanasia?
    MortallyWounded MortallyWounded
    46-50
    May 2, 2014

    Apathetic

    As most seem to state at the offset, i have no intentions to kill myself. That said, I find myself constantly looking for a way to die. Some way that would matter. Saving or protecting someone would be good. Feel like i did one thing in my life at least that would be worth...
    wraithen wraithen
    31-35
    2 Responses Jun 19, 2010
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