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I Married a Man With Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 410 People

    Separated After 8 Years Of Marriage And A Broken Finger

    Falling in love with my husband was like a dream. He was so sweet, charming, romantic, caring and loyal. Looking back now (hindsight is 20/20 of course) there were plenty of warning signs. But, I was in love, and knew he was the one. Things started going really bad about two...
    7 Responses Jan 13, 2013

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    Why Do I Love A Man Who Calls Me "Vile"?

    An argument with my husband led to him calling me vile. I have been called many names over the course of our relationship: stupid, fat, lazy, dumb, evil, liar, crazy, frigid . . .but this is the first time I have been called vile. Why do I accept this? How can a person have such...
    Isthisquicksand Isthisquicksand 36-40, F 5 Responses Jun 27, 2013

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    Frustrated With His Insecurities!

    My BPD Husband has Therapy appointments every week in a neighboring city (about 1 hr away). His insecurities include: -Me cheating while he is gone for the day -Me not actually going to work, but making secret plans while he's gone for the day -I cannot call him on his cell or...
    Niimin Niimin 41-45 2 Responses Jun 28, 2013

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    First let me say that I am the Man

    that is married to a wonderful woman and I was just recently initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Reason I am on this post is I would like some insight from spouses that are coping and dealing with someone like myself. As my therapist was discussing her...
    Piercer7132 Piercer7132 41-45, M 2 Responses Mar 19

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    Long-distance Marriage And He Thinks He Can Just Walk Out

    Things were going pretty well for us. We were spending some vacation time together, first at my house, then at his apartment, and we were set to return to my home base. We live 400 miles apart because of our jobs and have been married for three years; I have two children from...
    TrueBlue135 TrueBlue135 51-55, F 3 Responses Jul 20, 2013

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    Dealing With The Heart Break From A Bpd

    Today I feel depressed. I am struggling with trying to be cordial, the bigger person when it comes to dealing with my daughter father who has bpd. Im struggling because my daughter deserves her father in her life. She loves him and I dont want to come between that. Yesterday we...
    road2recovery road2recovery 31-35 7 Responses Jun 25, 2013

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    Just A Question!

    What do you do when your partner has a fit? Just curious as to how other ladies handle these situations.
    IndigoOne IndigoOne 31-35, F 4 Responses Aug 23, 2013

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    Destruction Of My Mind

    My name is Mario, I am lost. I love a person with BPD, amazing woman who changed my life and gave me two incredible kids. Now after 16 years I run on empty. She does not even know what is real and projecting negative feelings on us. So I have to be mother to my boys... I hate...
    mariocomputers mariocomputers 36-40, M 2 Responses Sep 17, 2013

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    He Said, She Said

    I say I'm too tired for sex. He hears that I don't want him sexually; I'm not attracted to him. I say, please don't smoke while the kids are in the car. He hears me calling him a "piece of **** parent". I say, your words & behaviors hurt me. He hears me calling him a...
    LG76 LG76 36-40, F 8 Responses Mar 30, 2013

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    Small Ray Of Hope.........

    My husband and his counsellor have made a huge leap! He has acknowledged that his reactions to his emotions are extreme (my words), I found it very "cool" how he was able to come to an understanding with the help of his counsellor, this is how he explained it to me: It's...
    Niimin Niimin 41-45 Sep 18, 2013

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    My Life

    Has been this crazy ride with a man that I loved- but didnt truly KNOW. I have finally decided to commit myself to letting go of this toxic relationship. I do feel like a failure, we have a child together and times arent always bad. It doesnt change the outcome though and it...
    Keepingmysanity Keepingmysanity 26-30, F 8 Responses Dec 26, 2012

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    Not Exactly.

    I do not share in this experience with all of you. However, once upon a time, I was very much in love with a man who I suspect had/has BPD. He never outright admitted this to me, but some things he said alluded to that fact. Not to mention all of his behaviors matched up to...
    urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin 22-25, F 4 Responses Jul 1, 2013

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    It's Gotten Worse

    Since I last posted, I've experienced a new tragedy. My younger brother committed suicide. It was unexpected, and of course has been difficult to deal with. His funeral is tomorrow. I've received support from co-workers, since I have few options when it comes to friends and...
    JacobsGirl360 JacobsGirl360 31-35, F 4 Responses Oct 24, 2013

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    I am married to a man with BPD.

    I am absolutely exhausted. Is there any hope for a happy marriage or family? Will things ever get better? I am such a fighter and want so badly for things to work.. Sometimes... Most times... It seems impossible.. I have dedicated 7 long hard years to trying to change myself to...
    mbennett1984 mbennett1984 26-30, F 5 Responses Jul 19

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    The Curse Of Borderline Personality Disorder

    I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2009, I always said that it's the people who lives with a person suffering from this mood disorder who suffers the most. It takes a different kind, a person with strength, courage and understanding to love a person with...
    deleted deleted 26-30 14 Responses Aug 31, 2011

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    "I Don'T Want To Be Your Mother, I Didn'T Carry You In My Womb For Nine Months." - Alanis Morrisette

    I had forgotten about an old Alanis Morrisette CD that was in my car's CD player - the kind in the trunk if you remember those. Her song "Not the Doctor" came on and I was struck by a few of the lyrics. "I don't want to be your mother I didn't carry you in my womb for nine...
    Isthisquicksand Isthisquicksand 36-40, F 5 Responses Jun 24, 2013

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    Coping With My Borderline

    After being married 27 years, rearing two beautiful emotionally healthy daughters despite their fathers strange behavior. We had and at times still have great times together, every day is not a bad day. Being married to and surviving a borderline marriage is hard work, but it...
    dearbea dearbea 51-55, F 53 Responses Nov 3, 2008

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    Rough Patch

    Well we have been having a "Rough Patch". Husband decided our family Counsellor was a "Man Hater" surprise surprise! He has not said that he will quit going but it really isn't going anywhere. We both do individual counseling and then the family counsellor. The bottom line...
    Niimin Niimin 41-45 Aug 20, 2013

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    My 10 Years With A Bpd Part 3

    After his termination at the hospital, I was a gonner. I felt a mix of sympathy and love for this man.By this point his self-victimization stance was in full bloom. Portraying (and I do think he believed it)and perceiving himself as a just a nice guy horribly victimized, I bought...
    beenthere1954 beenthere1954 51-55, F 5 Responses Aug 8, 2011

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    I Am So Lonely

    I divorced my first husband because he was emotionally, physically, sexually and verbally abusive. I did not want to because I am a Christian and have 3 awesome boys. It was a tough road to haul. Well, 3 years later, I remarried a nice, attractive man who loves his parents...
    dnkwtd3b dnkwtd3b 41-45, F 3 Responses Aug 13, 2013

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    The Most Amazing Person I Met So Far Has BPD And I'm In Love :/

    Hello there! So I'm going to trying making it quick, I've recently met the most amazing guy ever and it turns out that he has BPD... I knew there was something with him, I didn't know what exactly and even tho it's really not an easy disorder I just wanted to say that if things...
    octoberspring octoberspring 26-30, F 1 Response Sep 19, 2013

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    The 3 Year Roller Coaster Ride To Hell

    OK, I am going to have to make this as short as I can. If I were to ever list everything I have been through in the past 3 years, it would go on forever. Being in this relationship has been like showing up to a war with a water gun. In the beginning, everything was great. We...
    melimaye melimaye 41-45 3 Responses Oct 11, 2013

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    Learning To Maintain And Enforce Boundaries

    I have been married to this man for 8 years (my story is below) and I used to think I was crazy with all of his projecting and manipulating me into thinking I had the feelings that he had and was unable to experience. He acts like a child and is unable to understand any of my...
    sunnyrn35 sunnyrn35 31-35, F 4 Responses Sep 20, 2012

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    Before I start, I was on this site

    as 'sweetlady001' then deleted my profile and regretted it, so I am building up my stories again. My husband was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 2 years ago. He is aggressive, he is paranoid, he is verbally abusive to me, and once he was physically abusive...
    00flyaway 00flyaway 41-45, F 10 Responses Feb 14

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    My Life With Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde...

    I met the man of my dreams nearly 5 months ago. He was everything I could have ever wanted. So what if he drank alot, small sacrafice for having Mr wonderful in my life. He told me everything about himself....his troubled childhood and his abusive ex's (i've since found out they...
    8 Responses Feb 15, 2013

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    Writing off his family.

    ..... I find myself time and time again listening to long-winded rants about his family and how he's done with them. Since yesterday was Father's Day, he made it through about 30 minutes of dinner before his Dad said something that offended him and he excused himself to go smoke...
    IndigoOne IndigoOne 31-35, F Jun 16

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    Mrs1105 Mrs1105 18-21, F 5 Responses Dec 31, 2013

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    He Is....

    like a small child clinging to a security blanket. He wants it with him always....can't stand to be apart, yet he fails to notice how tattered and torn it's getting. How it's in desperate need of mending. All he knows is that having it near makes him feel better...safe. like a...
    LG76 LG76 36-40, F 7 Responses Apr 3, 2013

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    Wish Us Luck

    Ever since I met my husband, he has had bouts of depression where he talks about killing himself. I always thought this we just depression, but his behavior sometimes can be downright abusive and he is a very very very negative person. He is very afraid of rejection and thinks...
    Maricota Maricota 31-35, F 4 Responses Sep 25, 2013

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    Called the police last night.

    This day has been coming since 2 weeks after I married this "perfect" man. It started out with him getting "hung up" on little things. The sort of things that don't even register as mildly annoying to me can stop his whole day. Complaining and arguing for hours. Ive been...
    DebC75 DebC75 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 19

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    Want To Understand His Situation

    hello ,i realize that this thread is over a year old and i might not get a reply but i still really hope i do.so basically here is my story:i was a completely happy person with a best childhood ever great parents and family. about 2 yrs ago i met this guy .he was 5 yrs younger...
    devilindeed devilindeed 26-30, F Sep 19, 2013

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    A Typical Day For A Wife Of A Bpd

    A day with a BPD starts the night before and he had talked about a "family" issue that disturbed him last night while watching Criminal Minds and the News. I went to bed and he seemed fine, even affectionate. I wake up on weekdays and am out of the door before he gets out of...
    Missalaineyeus Missalaineyeus 46-50, F 7 Responses May 17, 2012

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    I Read All These Stories Here That Seem Hopeless...but There Is Indeed Hope

    I only recently decided to "figure out what is wrong with me". One thing that many people dont realize about BPD folks, is that we just don't realize how crazy we are. We have lived with our thoughts and mood swings for much of our lives, most of us were also likely raised in...
    BPDhubby BPDhubby 26-30 13 Responses Dec 9, 2012

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    His Puppet

    With the same man 21 years - married 16 years. One son. Gone through everything everyone has written about here. I am now broken down, ill in spirit and body from his venom. I feel sorry for him but am finally coming around to feeling sorrier for myself and our son. I have...
    DancingPuppet DancingPuppet 36-40, F 6 Responses Sep 17, 2012

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    WTF

    Will share the rest tomorrow - but for now, I'm pondering what is wrong with me? I identify with so many of the stories here - immediate connection with my husband 13 yrs ago - and the resulting chaos since. My inability to leave him, in spite of being a relatively...
    Dmcdarnell Dmcdarnell 46-50, F Oct 5, 2013

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    About a month ago, my husband told me he

    thought about killing himself almost daily. I was conflicted on how to handle the situation, because I was under the impression he was only saying it as a way to control me but yet, I was concerned that it was a real issue. A few days after his admission, he wrote letters to...
    lauren50 lauren50 26-30, F 6 Responses Jan 24

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    I'll Show You

    You're Fascinated by the Image you've Created,  But I see Through you and you Hate It.  Know you? You'd rather I Condone you. Your Hate for yourself ain't too Great for me to Break through .   I'll Show You.   Around Ten-Thousand men just like you and you're...
    Mrs1105 Mrs1105 18-21, F 7 Responses May 29, 2013

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    Thanksgiving

    Not sure about the rest of you, but holidays guarantee a terrible BPD dysregulation for my BPD husband. Usually it happens around halfway through the day, but this Thanksgiving I guess it happened before he was even up for the day. I work the overnight shift, 11:00 pm to 7:00...
    JacobsGirl360 JacobsGirl360 31-35, F 4 Responses Nov 28, 2013

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    I Thought He Wanted To Change. Lol!

    Married for 4 and a half years, together for over 5. I finally found out through his email accounts why he never wanted me to have his password but always checked up on me. He was/is constantly searching for his next HIGH (female) to prey upon. After I learned about codependency...
    stefanieg stefanieg 41-45 3 Responses Jul 4, 2013

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    Life Is Too Short

    I stayed in a marriage for 20 years with a borderline man for many of the same reasons as others. I was afraid of my children having to have unsupervised time with him during visitations. I wanted to keep my family together. I didn't want my kids to be from a broken home. ...
    grace001 grace001 46-50 10 Responses Nov 13, 2008

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    Where To Begin...

    Seriously, where do I begin? I have been on several sites over the years such as this one, read a million stories that are all painful and so identifiable and so closely resemble mine. It's hard to sum up your relationship/marriage with a person with PD/NPD/ or BPD, because one...
    Lalex66 Lalex66 41-45 3 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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    Proud Of Myself

    I'm very proud of myself in the way I have learned to speak to my BPD husband of little over a year. Yesterday during one of his rage fits over nothing (it wasn't nothing to him of course) he went from 0 to 100 and I was the enemy. Of course. Again. This time instead of my normal...
    IndigoOne IndigoOne 31-35, F 3 Responses May 18, 2013

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    Trying To Let Go...

    My ex bpd has been trying to hoover me back into a relationship with him. Im losing my attraction for him and it's nothing he could say to me that could get me to be back with him. Only actions at this point. He has shown me in two mths that he really has not changed. I slept...
    road2recovery road2recovery 31-35 1 Response Oct 20, 2013

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    You Are Worthy Of Love Even If He Makes You Feel Otherwise

    How long should we stay? It's like leaving someone you know is sick, but it's hard because you feel like you're abandoning him. He doesn't know he has this disorder, he thinks everyone around him is a dumbass and it's everyone but him. The whole accomidating him part, I am so...
    JennyKroh JennyKroh 26-30, F 10 Responses Dec 2, 2011

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    Just as an addict will put their addiction

    before anything else, so a Borderline will always put the needs of their condition before all else. The needs of the Personality Disorder become paramount, they have to be met at all cost...however the double bind is that those needs can NEVER be met.... and those of us who...
    00flyaway 00flyaway 41-45, F 4 Responses May 28

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    I was married for 24 years to a man,

    who I thought loved me....shared the same kind of values...but who, while mostly charming and attentive grew increasingly controlling...cruel and by mid life devolved into a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde...and when our daughter hit puberty turned his abuse on her as well. The hardest...
    Damagedfamily Damagedfamily 51-55, F 6 Responses Dec 8, 2013

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    BPD, Or Whatever....Does It Really Even Matter?

    I have my suspicions but who am I to say? Whatever is "wrong" with him has been obvious almost from the start, I just didn't recognize the signs. Over the years the signs turned into a circular pattern that cycles over and over and over again. It never ends. It's constant...
    LG76 LG76 36-40, F 3 Responses Apr 2, 2013

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    Living With A BPD Husband : My Story

    I would never have imagined myself married to someone with BPD. I've worked with BPD patients in a hospital for years. However, the majority of hospitalized BPD patients are female and physically hurt themselves to deal with the stress of perceived abandonment. Most of our...
    JacobsGirl360 JacobsGirl360 31-35, F 6 Responses Apr 6, 2013

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    The Emotional Black Hole

    Although I didn't know that 20 years ago. If I knew then what I now now, well...I have read the book stop walking on egg shells, that helped me understand better what motivates his behavior, but it has not helped me to deal with it. He feels rejection where there isn't any and...
    sludgemuffin sludgemuffin 36-40, F 7 Responses May 5, 2009

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    Reality Of Bpd

    Living with and loving who suffers from borderline personality disorder is the most challenging relationship that I have ever experienced.When my Love has a "good day" or moments where he is not emotionally dysregulated, life and love is GREAT. He is loving, passionate, fun and...
    Missalaineyeus Missalaineyeus 46-50, F 5 Responses May 12, 2012

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    I've been reading, posting,

    and commenting on this group for awhile. I notice a lot of women come here asking what they can do to improve their marriages or make their husband happy. And up until about a year ago, I was wondering about the same questions. I have found out the answer, and some people...
    JacobsGirl360 JacobsGirl360 31-35, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Fire & Ice

    I am too hurt and angered to write anything positive today. I feel better knowing that I found a place where I can vent and support, but bad because my situation will never change. I feel like I step into a Hitchcock movie every morning I wake up. I have nothing left but the...
    monalisahasbpd monalisahasbpd 26-30, F 88 Responses Jun 2, 2010

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    Does This Sound Like Borderline?

    I'm recovering from the trauma of rage, manipulation, craziness and verbal/emotional abuse. I was supposed to marry my former fiancé this month but called the wedding off before the invites went out. Here is my story... We were introduced through a close, trusted family member...
    MissMay13 MissMay13 31-35, F 12 Responses Oct 10, 2012