I Married a Man With Borderline Personality Disorder

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 467 People

    I was married for 24 years to a man,

    who I thought loved me....shared the same kind of values...but who, while mostly charming and attentive grew increasingly controlling...cruel and by mid life devolved into a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde...and when our daughter hit puberty turned his abuse on her as well. The hardest...
    Damagedfamily Damagedfamily
    56-60, F
    5 Responses Dec 8, 2013

    I have been sitting on the fence

    for so long trying to figure out what I should do. I have been on this roller coaster ride for way too long. I have tried so many things to fix it all. I am afraid I don't have the inner strength to listen for the answer and take action. For years I have been trying to figure it...
    Listener5 Listener5
    56-60, F
    6 Responses Jan 18, 2015

    It's Gotten Worse

    Since I last posted, I've experienced a new tragedy. My younger brother committed suicide. It was unexpected, and of course has been difficult to deal with. His funeral is tomorrow. I've received support from co-workers, since I have few options when it comes to friends and...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Oct 24, 2013

    About a month ago, my husband told me he

    thought about killing himself almost daily. I was conflicted on how to handle the situation, because I was under the impression he was only saying it as a way to control me but yet, I was concerned that it was a real issue. A few days after his admission, he wrote letters to...
    lauren50 lauren50
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Jan 24, 2014

    First let me say that I am the Man

    that is married to a wonderful woman and I was just recently initially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Reason I am on this post is I would like some insight from spouses that are coping and dealing with someone like myself. As my therapist was discussing her...
    Piercer7132 Piercer7132
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 19, 2014

    Living With A BPD Husband : My Story

    I would never have imagined myself married to someone with BPD. I've worked with BPD patients in a hospital for years. However, the majority of hospitalized BPD patients are female and physically hurt themselves to deal with the stress of perceived abandonment. Most of our...
    deleted deleted
    6 Responses Apr 6, 2013

    The 3 Year Roller Coaster Ride To Hell

    OK, I am going to have to make this as short as I can. If I were to ever list everything I have been through in the past 3 years, it would go on forever. Being in this relationship has been like showing up to a war with a water gun. In the beginning, everything was great. We...
    melimaye melimaye
    4 Responses Oct 11, 2013

    I am married to a man with BPD.

    I am absolutely exhausted. Is there any hope for a happy marriage or family? Will things ever get better? I am such a fighter and want so badly for things to work.. Sometimes... Most times... It seems impossible.. I have dedicated 7 long hard years to trying to change myself to...
    mbennett1984 mbennett1984
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Jul 19, 2014

    I finally left my BPD husband of 4 years a few

    months ago. Like many of you, I tried to hang in there and support him, believe in him, validate him, and have hope it will get better. I didn't want to leave someone I loved so much. But you can't make a healthy marriage by yourself. Over time, I couldn't deny the effects...
    movingon6 movingon6
    56-60, F
    1 Response Jul 14, 2015

    Today the phone rang

    and I answered it, I had 10 glorious days of not hearing from him. He is in rehab, out of state fortunately. Apparently he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The tone in his voice was joyful, a pass for his neglect and lack of care toward his children and wife. It's far...
    tssunshine tssunshine
    51-55, F
    2 Responses Dec 13, 2015

    He Is....

    like a small child clinging to a security blanket. He wants it with him always....can't stand to be apart, yet he fails to notice how tattered and torn it's getting. How it's in desperate need of mending. All he knows is that having it near makes him feel better...safe. like a...
    LG76 LG76
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Apr 3, 2013

    I Read All These Stories Here That Seem Hopeless...but There Is Indeed Hope

    I only recently decided to "figure out what is wrong with me". One thing that many people dont realize about BPD folks, is that we just don't realize how crazy we are. We have lived with our thoughts and mood swings for much of our lives, most of us were also likely raised in...
    BPDhubby BPDhubby
    11 Responses Dec 9, 2012

    Awhile back, I did my BPD husband's laundry

    and some of his clothes were still damp. So I put them on hangers to dry. For some reason, this enraged him and I was subjected to yelling, swearing, and insults. He told me to never do his laundry again. I'm not sure how he expected me to react. Possibly to beg him to allow me...
    deleted deleted
    Jan 12, 2016

    I'll Show You

    You're Fascinated by the Image you've Created,  But I see Through you and you Hate It.  Know you? You'd rather I Condone you. Your Hate for yourself ain't too Great for me to Break through .   I'll Show You.   Around Ten-Thousand men just like you and you're...
    Mrs1105 Mrs1105
    26-30, F
    6 Responses May 29, 2013

    He Said, She Said

    I say I'm too tired for sex. He hears that I don't want him sexually; I'm not attracted to him. I say, please don't smoke while the kids are in the car. He hears me calling him a "piece of **** parent". I say, your words & behaviors hurt me. He hears me calling him a...
    LG76 LG76
    36-40, F
    5 Responses Mar 30, 2013

    My Life With Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde...

    I met the man of my dreams nearly 5 months ago. He was everything I could have ever wanted. So what if he drank alot, small sacrafice for having Mr wonderful in my life. He told me everything about himself....his troubled childhood and his abusive ex's (i've since found out they...
    11 Responses Feb 15, 2013

    The Emotional Black Hole

    Although I didn't know that 20 years ago. If I knew then what I now now, well...I have read the book stop walking on egg shells, that helped me understand better what motivates his behavior, but it has not helped me to deal with it. He feels rejection where there isn't any and...
    sludgemuffin sludgemuffin
    36-40, F
    7 Responses May 5, 2009

    I am married to a Woman with BPD!

    I'm gonna be dare to be different and say that BPD's are completely misunderstood. I am so blessed and lucky to have my BPD partner even tho it took me nearly 3 years to completely figure out their secret language ... which in my books is way too long!
    MonsieurA MonsieurA
    46-50, M
    2 Responses Mar 2, 2015

    Just as an addict will put their addiction

    before anything else, so a Borderline will always put the needs of their condition before all else. The needs of the Personality Disorder become paramount, they have to be met at all cost...however the double bind is that those needs can NEVER be met.... and those of us who...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses May 28, 2014

    Reality Of Bpd

    Living with and loving who suffers from borderline personality disorder is the most challenging relationship that I have ever experienced.When my Love has a "good day" or moments where he is not emotionally dysregulated, life and love is GREAT. He is loving, passionate, fun and...
    Missalaineyeus Missalaineyeus
    46-50, F
    5 Responses May 12, 2012

    Proud Of Myself

    I'm very proud of myself in the way I have learned to speak to my BPD husband of little over a year. Yesterday during one of his rage fits over nothing (it wasn't nothing to him of course) he went from 0 to 100 and I was the enemy. Of course. Again. This time instead of my normal...
    IndigoOne IndigoOne
    36-40, F
    3 Responses May 18, 2013

    If you don't think they cheat,

    they do!!! don't fool yourself, they couldn't give a dam about you.......although they will manipulate you every now and then to make you feel loved and pull you back in......but it will be only for a short while,. they manipulate, blame and will make you feel bad and guilty...
    theywillmakeyouthinkyournuts theywillmakeyouthinkyournuts
    46-50, F
    Sep 29, 2014

    There are numerous older men in the world

    who are single and seeking someone special in their life. For all such men, AgeMeet.com has been created as a reliable online platform to find women for dating and companionship. The spokesperson reports that many older men have started finding perfect companions through their...
    kerenccaa kerenccaa
    26-30, F
    Dec 15, 2015

    I have been married to my husband

    for 16 years and we have 3 children together. Over the years I have desperately tried to keep him happy, functioning as a barometer for his moods. I have tried to protect him from himself while making excuses for his behaviour to everyone else. I am now at a point where I want...
    Bravesirrobyn Bravesirrobyn
    51-55, F
    Mar 29, 2016

    I've been reading, posting,

    and commenting on this group for awhile. I notice a lot of women come here asking what they can do to improve their marriages or make their husband happy. And up until about a year ago, I was wondering about the same questions. I have found out the answer, and some people...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Sep 1, 2014

    Separated After 8 Years Of Marriage And A Broken Finger

    Falling in love with my husband was like a dream. He was so sweet, charming, romantic, caring and loyal. Looking back now (hindsight is 20/20 of course) there were plenty of warning signs. But, I was in love, and knew he was the one. Things started going really bad about two...
    7 Responses Jan 13, 2013

    Getting treatment doesn't always mean your BPD

    partner is getting better. My BPD husband had many therapists who validated his victim stories and never held him accountable for the crazy situations he created. They can only help them if they are willing to look at themselves and take responsibility for their behaviors.
    movingon6 movingon6
    56-60, F
    Jul 14, 2015

    I knew it was going to happen eventually,

    but I think my BPD husband is cheating. It seems like a natural progression. All the years of verbal and emotional abuse, the silent treatment. It only makes sense that cheating would be next. Presently he's refusing to speak to me. Instead, he sits in the chair texting with...
    deleted deleted
    3 Responses Dec 11, 2015

    Before I start, I was on this site

    as 'sweetlady001' then deleted my profile and regretted it, so I am building up my stories again. My husband was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about 2 years ago. He is aggressive, he is paranoid, he is verbally abusive to me, and once he was physically abusive...
    deleted deleted
    8 Responses Feb 14, 2014

    My 10 Years With A Bpd Part 3

    After his termination at the hospital, I was a gonner. I felt a mix of sympathy and love for this man.By this point his self-victimization stance was in full bloom. Portraying (and I do think he believed it)and perceiving himself as a just a nice guy horribly victimized, I bought...
    beenthere1954 beenthere1954
    51-55, F
    5 Responses Aug 8, 2011

    You Are Worthy Of Love Even If He Makes You Feel Otherwise

    How long should we stay? It's like leaving someone you know is sick, but it's hard because you feel like you're abandoning him. He doesn't know he has this disorder, he thinks everyone around him is a dumbass and it's everyone but him. The whole accomidating him part, I am so...
    JennyKroh JennyKroh
    26-30, F
    10 Responses Dec 2, 2011

    Fire & Ice

    I am too hurt and angered to write anything positive today. I feel better knowing that I found a place where I can vent and support, but bad because my situation will never change. I feel like I step into a Hitchcock movie every morning I wake up. I have nothing left but the...
    monalisahasbpd monalisahasbpd
    26-30, F
    87 Responses Jun 2, 2010

    The Curse Of Borderline Personality Disorder

    I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder in 2009, I always said that it's the people who lives with a person suffering from this mood disorder who suffers the most. It takes a different kind, a person with strength, courage and understanding to love a person with...
    deleted deleted
    14 Responses Aug 31, 2011

    A Typical Day For A Wife Of A Bpd

    A day with a BPD starts the night before and he had talked about a "family" issue that disturbed him last night while watching Criminal Minds and the News. I went to bed and he seemed fine, even affectionate. I wake up on weekdays and am out of the door before he gets out of...
    Missalaineyeus Missalaineyeus
    46-50, F
    7 Responses May 17, 2012
    Mrs1105 Mrs1105
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Dec 31, 2013


    Not sure about the rest of you, but holidays guarantee a terrible BPD dysregulation for my BPD husband. Usually it happens around halfway through the day, but this Thanksgiving I guess it happened before he was even up for the day. I work the overnight shift, 11:00 pm to 7:00...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Nov 28, 2013

    Called the police last night.

    This day has been coming since 2 weeks after I married this "perfect" man. It started out with him getting "hung up" on little things. The sort of things that don't even register as mildly annoying to me can stop his whole day. Complaining and arguing for hours. Ive been...
    DebC75 DebC75
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Jul 19, 2014

    Coping With My Borderline

    After being married 27 years, rearing two beautiful emotionally healthy daughters despite their fathers strange behavior. We had and at times still have great times together, every day is not a bad day. Being married to and surviving a borderline marriage is hard work, but it...
    dearbea dearbea
    51-55, F
    60 Responses Nov 3, 2008

    After being the target of a borderline's rage

    for so long, it's no surprise I harbor ill feelings toward BPD's. For example my thoughts that borderlines should be euthanized. Despite this, I feel pity for what a borderline goes through daily in their mind. Can you imagine never experiencing true happiness or joy? Not...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Dec 15, 2015

    I didn't see clearly what I was getting myself

    into here. My man projects like a mofo. I am 6 months pregnant with my 4th child (we will have 6 total), and when I ask for help or remind him of something that needs done he flips it, twists it, and I am a demon spun from hell here to crack the whip and make him my personal...
    LeighChristine LeighChristine
    31-35, F
    2 Responses Jun 8, 2015

    Borderline Personality Disorder is a

    devestating condition that distorts the personality of the person suffering from it. **** I was going to delete this story as I am cutting out some of the stories I have here that are quite personal. But I don't want to lose the encouraging comments from my lovely friends...
    deleted deleted
    5 Responses Dec 18, 2014

    Writing off his family.

    ..... I find myself time and time again listening to long-winded rants about his family and how he's done with them. Since yesterday was Father's Day, he made it through about 30 minutes of dinner before his Dad said something that offended him and he excused himself to go smoke...
    IndigoOne IndigoOne
    36-40, F
    Jun 16, 2014

    The true despair of living with a borderline is

    the travesty of the "good" days
    DebC75 DebC75
    41-45, F
    Oct 30, 2014

    I was in a relationship

    for 10 years and was dumped 10 days before Christmas for a co-worker who held the job I was supposed to get before being laid off... To add insult to injury my ex acts like we cannot even be friends and has completely disassociated from me My ex was indecisive about things...
    l1985111 l1985111
    Jan 10, 2015

    Learning To Maintain And Enforce Boundaries

    I have been married to this man for 8 years (my story is below) and I used to think I was crazy with all of his projecting and manipulating me into thinking I had the feelings that he had and was unable to experience. He acts like a child and is unable to understand any of my...
    sunnyrn35 sunnyrn35
    31-35, F
    4 Responses Sep 20, 2012


    Will share the rest tomorrow - but for now, I'm pondering what is wrong with me? I identify with so many of the stories here - immediate connection with my husband 13 yrs ago - and the resulting chaos since. My inability to leave him, in spite of being a relatively...
    Dmcdarnell Dmcdarnell
    51-55, F
    Oct 5, 2013

    3 days without an episode

    now someone came on our property and he's out there with his gun threatening to shoot people. The day started off okay ... But we are in a downward spiral now. Happy 4th!
    bpdwifelife bpdwifelife
    46-50, F
    1 Response Jul 4, 2015

    His Puppet

    With the same man 21 years - married 16 years. One son. Gone through everything everyone has written about here. I am now broken down, ill in spirit and body from his venom. I feel sorry for him but am finally coming around to feeling sorrier for myself and our son. I have...
    DancingPuppet DancingPuppet
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Sep 17, 2012
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