I Married To A Narcissitic Man

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 52 People

    We are taught growing up

    that we have to accept people for who they are. I think it's more important to learn to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are. Then you will accept the right people into your life and weed out the ones that cause pain. I have finally been able to tell myself...I...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    12 Responses Dec 6, 2014

    This song is so inspiring!

    http://youtu.be/GJdZ7dM5b_U
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 14, 2015

    In need of self help book recommendations to

    cope with future contact The funding has been cut to the charity offering me counselling after my marriage was destroyed by domestic abuse. I've learnt that the physiological abuse has destroyed me more and now recognise I married a narcissistic man. I still have to resolve...
    Sunrise13 Sunrise13
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jan 10, 2015

    When the mask slips..

    . It is so ugly. The sociopath cannot handle losing control. It's a kin to death to them. They live to control people, situations, and everyone's life. In their superiority complex they feel entitled to make decisions for others. Even during the divorce process, he feels...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Feb 7, 2015

    Narcissists remain levelheaded until You speak

    logic, reason and truth. That's when they loudly claim you are unbalanced! Read that today and boy is it the truth!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jan 1, 2015

    So, I was thinking about two of the very few

    conversations I've had with my STBX, that have had any substance(and when he isn't stonewalling) and something became very clear to me. We all have wondered....do they know they are a narcissist? Do they know how their actions effect is? Yes my friends...they have a clue. 1...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    11 Responses Dec 14, 2014

    I filed for divorce and

    now he hears me. Now he understands me. Now he validates me. Now he communicates. Now he expresses himself. Now he takes accountability. Now he asks me questions. Now he shows interest in my life. Now the mind games being again. This time I'm not playing.
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    53 Responses Jan 9, 2015

    I used to be called spunky.

    I was told I had a sparkle. I know that I had a love for life and it didn't take much to excite me. I loved people, I loved parties, I loved going places. What is it about the sociopath/narcissist that takes away your *****, your sparkle, your enthusiasm for life? It's...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    7 Responses Jan 30, 2015

    Lying, it's so destructive to relationships.

    Why do people lie when there is no reason to?
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    32 Responses Dec 28, 2014

    Here is an interesting article Why I'm still

    here: I don't have an exit plan yet, I don't want to upset anybody, I'm feeling too confused/sad so I feel stuck (right now). Here's the article: https://rmetherapy.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/maladaptive-relationships/ Stay strong.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Feb 8, 2015

    Second appointment with second attorney this

    week! Wish me luck! I need to divorce before I can find a job and Texas doesn't support alimony unless you have been married for ten years, I haven't. Hopefully this attorney will find a way to get me out immediately!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    20 Responses Jan 5, 2015

    https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.

    wordpress.com/2014/04/17/neuroscience-maybe-this-explains-why-empaths-are-attarcted-to-narcissistssociopaths/ Interesting!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    7 Responses Jan 12, 2015

    They pathologize your emotions to control your

    reality. They chronically invalidate you to avoid accountability. They stonewall to refrain from compromise. They play the victim to blame. They use fake anger to intimidate. They lie and manipulate to get their way. They withhold sex to punish and control. They counter...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Jan 20, 2015

    My husband is trying to connect this weekend

    and my gut is telling me something is off. Friday night he actually had a conversation with me. I'm not exaggerating when I say he completely avoids/neglects me besides minimal, necessary interaction or if I play a part that is favorable such as cooking, or providing company...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Feb 8, 2015

    Since I am divorcing the sociopathic narcissist,

    I won't be posting under this for much longer. I won't let it define me anymore, but I have something I need to say to those of you dealing with the toxicity of these relationships... Therapists will always tell you... You can't change them so let's focus on you. You can't...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    14 Responses Jan 16, 2015

    So... Some lessons are learned the hard way.

    Don't ever back a sociopathic narcissist into a corner. Ever. My attorney did this and I got to see the mask slip. It's beyond frightening. Their eyes are empty as they stare at you with disgust and hatred. Traumatic does not describe it. Soul raping does. You have to stroke...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    10 Responses Mar 26, 2015

    I see so many struggling with what I struggled

    with. Once you realize the only love they have is for themselves, you won't take it personally. It's not you! You are perfect just like you are. It's their inability to love. Remember that when you start trying to defend yourself. They don't care anyways and neither should...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jan 17, 2015

    So, I was going through some old boxes

    that haven't been unpacked. I found a box of books and on top was a book called... "The manipulative man" and I didn't buy it! Never seen it before.. This tells me the narcissist/psychopath must know what he is and what he does!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    12 Responses Dec 22, 2014

    Are there levels of narcissim?

    My husband isn't psycholathic. He just can never be wrong or admit his wrongs. He goes ballistic into a rage if I ever tell him I'm hurt or angry at something he did. He just cannot take responsibility for his wrongs or allow me my feelings of hurt or anger. It's like he's...
    ZakayahHope ZakayahHope
    46-50, F
    4 Responses Jan 13, 2016

    On a bright note for

    when you feel a little sad.. Here is a url to a wonderful person and author: Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, or: SARK https://mu145.infusionsoft.com/app/hostedEmail/5329739/ddb3a05bdc62def4?inf_contact_key=7c9367b20274ec7bb8ab57087de030a28469b95727f4c61379a9f2fff4de5376
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jan 31, 2015

    It absolutley shocks

    and disturbs me that men like this even exist, but much more so that women waste their time with them while good loving sincere affectionate men like myself go on alone. Meanwhile, after more than 20 years, getting older and getting too late, after facing the ravages of being...
    Ajushi Ajushi
    41-45, M
    2 Responses Jan 11, 2015

    I am beside myself with excitement!

    I'm in the process of purchasing a new house. My bid was accepted. This means..30 more days and I get to move out!!!!! After 5.5 years.. I finally get to be free of the constant emotional manipulation, accusations, judgements, criticisms, projections.. Oh hell... I could go...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    11 Responses Feb 9, 2015

    I'm steeped in pain from allowing this

    dysfunction for so long...clawing my way out now with the help from a therapist I found today who knows all about NPD. I told her she'd "love him as everybody else does if he were sitting in your office"and she said he'd never be in my office. I asked her, is it because npd's...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jan 16, 2015

    So they say a narcissist has to have a back up

    partner when leaving a relationship. That their false ego needs this to continue fueling their immortality. They have this partner lined up before they leave the current relationship. This is true. He has been so nice lately. I thought two things.. Maybe he does care or he...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    17 Responses Mar 24, 2015

    Please watch this video.

    . http://youtu.be/qaVn5IPlUvo It hit home with me.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Feb 15, 2015

    The hardest part about being married to a

    narcissist is their total lack of empathy. We've all heard about empathy and sympathy but not until recently have psychologists understood the huge role it plays in interpersonal relationships. Without empathy you cannot relate to other people. Part of being able to relate to...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Dec 11, 2014

    30 Days of Recovery --Meredith Resnick Day

    3 Day 3: Today is about seeing what I don’t want to see— and living through it Until we gain perspective— sometimes even a little perspective can help— the pain can slice deep . Denial can be a kind of protective shock absorber, a part of the grieving process when...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jun 15, 2015

    While having a needed discussion about custody

    of our daughter, it occurred to me that one of their best manipulation tactics is to feign confusion. This is with the intent to not reach a compromise or accept accountability and to confuse you and get you off topic, preventing you from getting your need met. It's obstruction...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Mar 5, 2015

    From the book by Meredith Resnick -- Surviving

    the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery: whether you're loving, leaving, or living with one." Day 1: Today is about my growth and healing and recognizing what I need. If you are in a relationship with someone afflicted with narcissism (I am not talking about what is often...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jun 13, 2015

    Today is a sombre day Feeling broken

    but will try my best to put my best face forward to not inflict my pain on those that don't deserve it Why sombre? Today I am 50 yay it's my birthday Last year I asked my NARC what he would be planning for my 50th?? Was told A DIVORCE instead of crumbling by the hurt one...
    fivefoottall fivefoottall
    51-55, F
    9 Responses Mar 29, 2015

    Thanks for all the feedback!

    Had a rough go of it today and you all pulled me out of it!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Dec 28, 2014

    Chronic invalidation is like spiritual death.

    Those of you trying to make your way through the labyrinth of the narcissist... If you pay attention you will notice that the psychological manipulation is as simple as invalidating your experience. Although it is simple, it has a severe impact and ties you to them in...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    10 Responses Jan 14, 2015

    How many of my friends here have been told you

    are codependent because only codependents get involved with narcissists? Or read it? Well I thought it was true.. Why else would we allow unacceptable treatment? My therapist has officially said I am far from codependent. Don't believe it without proper diagnosis. You are not...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Feb 23, 2015

    I wasn't looking, so I didn't see it.

    I wasn't listening, so I didn't hear it. The signs were everywhere. I made a choice without paying attention. That's the reality. I've accepted it. I've grown. I've forgiven. I've let go. The ties that I bound myself with have been cut. The air is lighter...I can breathe...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    38 Responses Jan 12, 2015

    Happy New Years friends!

    May your 2015 be narcissist free or at least narcissist immune(immune to their crap)!
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Dec 31, 2014

    And am divorcing the sociopathic narcissist.

    Everything is calm except for his destructive speech. What is destructive speech? It is a way of communicating that sends the "you are worthless" message to the listener. It's usually done with overt criticism, sarcasm, mimicking, mocking, belittling, ridiculing, judging...
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    10 Responses Feb 18, 2015

    I started reading this book last night

    and I couldn't put it down. It explained the last 20 years of my life in such detail. I finally understood the dynamics of my marriage and it validated what I've been struggling with all these years. I highly recommend it for anyone who thinks they also might have married a...
    allycatii allycatii
    36-40, F
    3 Responses Jan 13, 2015

    For all my fellow sufferers.

    This song just hits home.... Ignite the fire you have inside, And shine the light of day into the night Live every moment of your life, Take every wrong you have and make it right When you feel you on your own X 2 When all your hope is gone, You feel u cant go on, When...
    allycatii allycatii
    36-40, F
    1 Response Feb 10, 2015

    So STBX had a moment of maturity

    and said he wanted to help me find a house for myself and the kids, but now the house I like he says will only work if we stay together. According to him it's "too much for me to handle alone." WTF!! Now he's trying to scare me out of it or manipulate me into staying. It never...
    allycatii allycatii
    36-40, F
    6 Responses Feb 10, 2015

    "A narcissist doesn't care how you feel

    as long as they get some kind of emotion out of you, it makes them feel powerful. Then one day you look at him, realize he's a fraud and his words have no power over you. You feel nothing for him.'
    BijouBlue BijouBlue
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jan 3, 2015

    Younger women dating older men mainly

    because younger women are attracted older men. older men mature, confident, stable .Mature guys always know how to treat their women.These younger women are looking for their age gap love romance.For older men, Younger women older men relationships will surely make an older man...
    minniecc11 minniecc11
    26-30, F
    Jan 15, 2015
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