I Miss My Dad Forum & Chat Board | 4 Months and it Still feels like yesterday

Hi,  My Dad died April 15, 2009..  They told him he had cancer and then 6 weeks later he died.  First I have so much anger to the doctors down in florida,  They told him he had other stuff and they had no clue untill it was to late.  He went into the hospital fine and came out gone.  I cant get passed his death.  its been now 4 1/2 monthes and iam a train wreck.  Iam a 43 yr old male,  and i have no clue how to deal with this.. I just keep on believeing hes coming back, i dont want to accept the fact that he is dead. He was only 62,  he never met his 2nd grandchild,  I have 2 daughter ,   4 yrs and the other is 8 monthes,  I know i have to move on for there sake,  they need me, I know that,  but i need my dad as well.  I dont know what else to say,  the tears just keep flowing as i typs this,  If anyone can help me in anyway,  please,  iam begging,  please help me

sincerally

trainwreck

Hello.  I am so very sorry about the passing of your father.  I am sitting here past midnight thinking of my father who also died last year.  My dad died on Oct 30,2009.  Kind of the same situation as you.  My father was perfectly healthy in April, couldn't swallow one day, stage four esohphageal cancer and gone six months later.  Very very hard to take.  Like you, I am devastated.  I am angry at the doctors, how they responded, and their complete and utter lack of giving a crap that my dad is no longer here.  I know there was nothing that could be done, but I find myself constantly reliving every detail and thinking of things I wish I had done.  Maybe I could have moved him to a better hospital ( he was at the Cleveland clinic) maybe we should have gotten a third opinion etc.  In the end though, nothing would have changed.  I miss him so much.  It hurts to even think of him.  I have never posted anything on a web site before, but your post hit close to home.  It just sucks and is so hard to continue living a normal life.  Life goes on. blah blah blah.... I am a 40 yr old female and understand what you are going through.  Just thought you should know that you are not alone, and I completely understand how you feel.  I can't believe it either.  I still find myself going to pick up the phone and call him.  How can I still be in denial?  I was there.  I held his hand as he took his last peaceful breath on this earth.  Did that really happen?  How could it?  It  is just bullshit....  I wish I could give you some lovely christian biblical verses (I am a christian by the way)  but right now it makes no sense to me either.   Wow, sorry for the rant,  I was supposed to make you feel better, instead, maybe I needed you to make me feel better.  Felt good to write that.  I hope that you are okay and will find some peace in all of this mess.  We will make it.  They would want us to.  I try and think about how mad my father would be if he knew how upset I am.  I can hear his voice telling me to get on with things and that we will be together again someday.  This sometimes helps me, maybe it will help you too...  Thanks for listening.... Best Regards,  Bailey16

My dad thought he had a mild stroke and got a cat scan. He was told he would not make it past 6 weeks. Tumors on the brain. He had lung cancer.

He made it 10 months and passed away in October 09. I never really thought he would die. I too can't think about him yet. I push him out  of my mind because it hurts too much.

I understand...I really do.:)