on 04:06PM at Jul 3rd, 2012
My mum found out I was sleeping with my first love when I was a teenager. I was just under age at the time and she freaked out. Basically forced me to leave him and threatened all sorts. I never told him why. He was about to start his studies and I didn't want to ruin his future by having my mum go through with her threats. My relationship with my parents deteriorated after that and six months later I left for another town to start studying and never returned home. Over the years I have tried to make up with my parents but it always ends with my mum bringing up this issue. She doesn't talk to me at all. I saw my first love once or twice over the years after that and the chemisty was still there but never opened up about why I broke it off with him.
The consequences of all this has had a lasting impact on my life and it is obviously never far from my mind. I am now married with a young son who has never met his grandparents and will probably never know them - I sent them photographs but they have never acknowledged his existence. I have never really found happiness when anyone else and although I love my son to bits and I wouldn't change this part of my life for anything, my marriage is not the happiest. There is a part of me that wonders how things would have been if my relationship with my first love had taken its natural course. Would our lives still be intertwined in some way? Is this why I feel as if a part of me is missing? Many people would say move on but it is hard when your whole life is dominated by the consequences of what happened twenty years ago. Could he feel the same way?
I am a good mother to my son and would never compromise his happiness. I try so hard to be a good wife to my husband but I think he married me to soon after his divorce and he feels trapped. He never talks about his feelings. Am I the worlds most selfish person for feeling this way? Any advice?
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