I Need a Giggle

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 99 People

    Maine Winters

    Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in Maine, but in New Hampshire. After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 16, 2013

    Practicing My Trumpet

    My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. "Hello," she whispered. "Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked. "She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?" I asked. "Yes. She...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 14, 2013

    "I Want To Get Out!"

    A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 16, 2013

    Court Case

    A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain and labor, The Child should be in my custody." The judge turns to the husband and...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    5 Responses Aug 14, 2013
    Emaycee Emaycee
    16-17, M
    2 Responses Jun 23, 2014

    The Glass Eye

    Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says, "I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies, "OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 8, 2013

    Bruce And Jenny

    Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 3, 2013

    Line Dancing

    After watching the girls do line dancing, Michael thought, hey I can do this. So he got in line and asked one of the girls, what’s the name of this dance? "She said I don't know; this is the line for the bathroom
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 19, 2013

    Marriage

    A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife screams at him as his friend stands there listening, "My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    5 Responses Aug 13, 2013

    Software Engineers

    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 24, 2013

    The Bakery And Cafe

    I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's. "What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is it called Herman's pie?" "Because Herman called in to reserve it."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 15, 2013

    If Microsoft Built Cars.......

     top 10 ways that life would be different if Microsoft built cars: 10. new seats would require everyone to have the same size butt. 9. we'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas (tm). 8. the U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an auto maker...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    15 Responses Jul 24, 2009

    Monkeys

    A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?" The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack." The younger man asks, "If I guess how many...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 8, 2013

    Adam And Eve

    Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 19, 2013

    Golf And The Trapped Frog

    A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Aug 9, 2013

    A Family Of Skunks

    A family of skunks was trapped in a thicket, surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves that were edging even closer. The Mother skunk calmly instructed her young: "Quickly children, let's put our heads together!" After they obeyed, forming a circle, she continued, "Now—Let us spray...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 6, 2013

    Computer Jokes...........

     Something to tickle your "funny bone".................................. Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    15 Responses Jul 26, 2009

    An Image That Somebody Uploaded On Facebook

      :) Talk about Universality of love...
    FreeFallWall FreeFallWall
    22-25, M
    5 Responses May 5, 2010

    Buddy The Horse

    An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Aug 23, 2013

    French Class

    A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 19, 2013

    Computer Software

    My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 24, 2013

    A Letter From The College Student

    Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on The Reply: Dear Son, I kNOw...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 5, 2013

    A Chicken Coup

    Q: Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? A: Because if it had four, it would be chicken sedan. Today's Joke
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 18, 2013

    Gender And Computers

    Top nine reasons computers must be male: They have a lot of data but are still clueless. A better model is always just around the corner. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home. It is always necessary to have a backup. They'll do whatever you say if you push the...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 17, 2013
    Iamalostcause Iamalostcause
    22-25, M
    1 Response Jan 15, 2015

    Not So Reverent....

    There is a sunday school class in session and little stacy falls asleep the teacher asks stacy "who created the world?" little bobby behind pokes her with a pin and she wakes up and screams GOD the teacher says very good and stacy goes back to sleep a little while later the...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    7 Responses Jun 14, 2010

    The Stage Mother

    A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin. The man agreed to listen, and the woman switched on the tape player. “What music’” the violinist thought. A difficult piece, but...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 10, 2013

    Technology Change

    Trying to explain to our five-year-old daughter how much computers had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new personal computer and told her that when he was in college, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of a house. Wide-eyed, our daughter...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 2, 2013

    Twins

    A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 22, 2013

    Funny movie bad food

    and jamyz is sure to cure a broken heart lol
    snowmoon123 snowmoon123
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 23, 2014

    The Salesman And The Housewife

    Housewife: "How did you know I was home? My son told you I was out" Salesman: "It was easy Lady. He was mowing the lawn."
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 6, 2013

    Downsizing

    Boss: Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension in his time of downsizing. Knock, knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 9, 2013

    Computer Hackers

    How are we supposed to hack your system if it's always down!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    Aug 24, 2013

    "I Want To Get Out!"

    A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. “What time do you open up in the morning?” he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire. The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 16, 2013

    For Those of Us Who Remember .............

                                                                                  ...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jun 8, 2009
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Jun 8, 2009

    The Psychiatrist

    A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear. He says, “What is wrong with me? The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Aug 22, 2013

    Morris

    Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you...
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    3 Responses Aug 20, 2013

    Cat Giggles.......sorry Kitties !

      Washing Your Cat Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    17 Responses Aug 5, 2009

    Three Old Guys

    Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 21, 2013

    Ooops....sorry Girls !

     Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    20 Responses Aug 6, 2009

    Daddy O

    A young girl in her late teens was waiting on a Bus stop wearing a burqa and a bag and held a few books in her hand. A man on a motorbike came by and stopped and said "Hey green eyes!! need a lift?" The girl replied: "Dad, its me."
    FreeFallWall FreeFallWall
    22-25, M
    7 Responses Feb 14, 2011

    Share a Giggle With the + 50 Group

     Giggle Time ! someone sent me this..... EXTREME CLASSIC!!!  Someone had to remind me,  so I'm reminding you, too. Don't laugh.... It is all true! Perks of reaching  50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!  1. ...
    c8lorraine c8lorraine
    56-60
    8 Responses Jun 8, 2009
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