For the past 6months myself and my girlfriend have been finding it hard to get along, I changed jobs meaning we didn't see each other as much as we used too, we would have went to work together and got home together which always kept us close and gave us time to talk when traveling. At roughly the same time as my job change she gave up smoking using some anti-smoking tablets which the last time sent her absolutely crazy but for reasons I don't quite understand she used them again. Automatically I noticed her being less loving and inattentive and basically started to look at life as though she was single, she stopped caring about me and our home. When she stopped taking the tablets, nothing changed and now I don't even recognise who she is anymore as although she tells me she loves me, he doesn't show nor is she willing to spent any time with me. I literally have to beg for her to spend time with me and when she does, she just sits on her phone reading Facebook. She just sits on her phone perminantly, yet when I mention it to her she completely ignores it and makes out that I'm being stupid. It broke my heart that everytime I walked into the living room and sat down, she would get up and go to the bedroom and visa versa yet again when I tell her this she says its all in my head.
Two weeks ago she went out with her friends and I gave her a lift home along with 2 friends, one of her friends ( a guy that I don't particulary know) had to wait for the others to arrive, so my girlfriend waiting in the hallway of our apartment with him for 45minutes until his other friends arrived......I blew up, I know it was irrational but I couldn't get my head around how she could freely give someone 45minutes of her time, yet I travel all the way into town and back to pick her up because I love her dearly and would worry about her getting home and she can't even give me 45seconds of her time without me having to beg for it. This set me off and I couldn't speak to her for a week as I am very bad at showing my emotions so I just bottle them up until this fizzle away to nothing.
I went to try and make things right at the start of this week and she just point blankly refuses to care and just sat on her phone not willing to show any emotion. She told me it was over and that she's no longer the person I want her to be. As I have said previously I don't generally show emotions well but I broke down and she just sat there unwilling to comfort me....I have now broke down countless times as I can't deal with pain. I even asked her to seek either for what has happened to her emotional state recently or as a couple but she refused, I brought up the subject of her constantly being latched on to her phone but apparently it's all in my head.
I am now currently looking for somewhere else to live as I have said I will move out and I am terrified I have lost the girl that for years I have thought of as my soulmate. I am scared of being without her, I don't want to wake up in the mornings, I don't see the point in going to work either. I dislike my job (as most do) but my girlfriend always made life better, there was nothing that was too upsetting or disheartening with her at my side and now I have lost that. I can't concentrate on anything as my head is all over the place but when I do get a moment of calmness, reality sinks in once more at destroys my soul with renewed force.
I am so lost right now, I have no family to turn too and my friends as good as they are keep saying the wrong things to me that just make it worse. Last night a lay awake thinking of how I could end my life quickly and painlessly as that is how much I feel I cannot be without my soulmate.