My husband and I separated 3 months ago. It was a trial separation. The time apart has been beneficial for both of us. I've completely changed my perspective on our marriage and it is actually not that bad. We have both worked on individual things that have put us both in better places with ourselves. I think work stressors and just personal growth changes caused us to grow apart. However, I think that these issues can be resolved with work.
My husband, on the other hand, is now confused. This is the first time he has ever lived by himself and was required to be responsible for everything in his life. He is now confused as to whether he wants to be married. We both love each other dearly and are still very attracted to each other, but he is not sure if it will work out in the long run. He has been using the separation to find himself again; putting little effort into working on the marriage.
I want to try and work on the marriage, but he is stuck on the things that have happened in the past. I feel that we have both worked through those issues, but he still stuck in the past. Neither of us has cheated on each other. Honestly, we have just drifted apart, but we still share a lot of the same interests.
I am finding it really hard to keep putting effort into making this work when he has no desire to at the
moment. He says that his heart is not 100% into the marriage right now. We have been married for 7 1/2 years. Together for 11. No children. Our communication has become really great during the separation and keeps getting better each time we talk. However, he doesn't want to commit to working on the marriage.
I told him that if he is not sure about the marriage and doesn't want to try and work on it, then I didn't see the point of continuing the marriage. I did tell him that for my sake, that if we did divorce that I would not be able to see him for a year or more....it would just be too hard. This seemed to hit a nerve with him. I told him that it wasn't to hurt him, but I had to do what would be best for me.
He then said we should wait a few days to decide. Then today, he said that maybe he should go to a counselor alone, but continue the separation for a few more months. He hasn't committed to this idea.
I am emotionally exhausted. With work, I really think that our marriage could get back on track. But it's hard to keep going when only I want to work on it. He keeps changing his mind, which has caused such an emotional toll on me. I know it is causing him anguish as well.
I don't know if I should give him a few more months....there is no guarantee that he will even try then.
I am moving back this week. Part of me wants to retreat emotionally to protect myself, the other part wants to keep trying. He might move out to a friend's for awhile to clear his head.
I don't really know what to do. How long is enough to wait? I don't feel like I can wait for him forever. He started retreating from the marriage a few years ago, but he doesn't know why.It's really hard to know that my husband is not 100% into saving the marriage, especially when there are no real reasons that he can give me for not working on it.