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I New Mexicans-joke

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    New Mexicans-joke - You know you're from New Mexico if. . . . You've had a school day canceled because there was two inches of snow on the ground. You know what an "arroyo...
    goforbroke goforbroke 41-45, M 3 Responses Aug 28, 2011

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    My friends and I have this running joke called "Turbo Tuesday." Tuesday is the most boring goddam day of the week, because it's not Monday where you're fresh off from the weekend...
    BlueMetalChick BlueMetalChick 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 25

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    A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response 2 hrs ago

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    The next two require you to read them with the appropriate accent: Michael, a Donegal man, goes for a job on a building site, the foreman says all he has to do is answer two...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 28

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    Some more jokes....and riddles How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. Two...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F Mar 20

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    I just realized, I never posted under this topic. Hey, I am almost new here. I still have that new guy smell :) I don't have anything to be uppity about, and I don't shun folks...
    Igotsnikt Igotsnikt 36-40, M 3 Responses Mar 17

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    A police officer on traffic duty flags down a car.  “Sir, you appear to have 12 penguins in the back of your car." “That’s right, officer, I do." ”Well that’s...
    vector8 vector8 46-50, F 4 Responses Mar 20

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    Punography (A play on words) When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time...
    DanCan1 DanCan1 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 28

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    New Airbag In Detroit GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-- With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 19

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    Caught by a local tribe A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 20

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    present joke... John gingerly walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store “I would like to buy my wife a pretty pink scarf. ” “How cute” exclaimed the sales lady...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 18

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    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City , New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 1 Response Mar 19

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    What's the one thing that spaceflight is missing today? Italian food, of course. Italian restaurant and market Eataly, based in New York City, is planning to launch their food into...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Apr 2

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    A teacher is getting to know her new pupils on the first day of school. She turns to one little girl and says, “What does your daddy do?” “Whatever Mummy tells him,” the...
    mona87 mona87 46-50, F 8 Responses Apr 8

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    Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses 4 days ago

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    I just moved to Michigan for a job. So far I am not loving it. I do not like my job as I work very crappy hours (12-13 hours every Sat and Sun) with no breaks or lunch and I also...
    Mariah522 Mariah522 31-35 1 Response Mar 28

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    Hello, I'm new to this just needing somewhere to vent I guess... I'm 20 in a few days & have been with my partner for 5 years now we recently got engaged but my problem in my...
    AVDP AVDP 18-21, F 12 Responses Mar 20

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    A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 5 Responses Mar 22

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    A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 23

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    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he collided with a...
    Lonelygirl567 Lonelygirl567 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 23

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    INSTALLING HUSBAND A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 26

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    Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses 6 days ago

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    Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 17

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    Hello everyone my name is Kipling:) To tell you the truth, I don't really have that much of a sob story behind my life. I'm 15 and I take any harsh jokes that anyone deals my way...
    kippo111 kippo111 13-15, F 8 Responses Mar 17

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    “Harry,” whined Mary, to her husband of 20 years. “What should I do?! I’m not ready for old age! I’m only 40 years old but I look and feel like I’m over 55! My face is...
    poisonlady poisonlady 31-35, F 4 Responses Mar 18

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    Some new vocabulary arachnoleptic fit, noun: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, noun: Satan in the form of a...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 1 Response Mar 19

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    Some new vocabulary (Part 2) dopelar effect, noun: (1) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. (2) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 19

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    Walmart really sucks ***. Returning one of there worthless its without a receipt was like pulling teeth . After debating with what i would call an uneducated toothless douche bag...
    taze99 taze99 36-40, M 5 Responses Mar 20

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    I am trying to be what is called "chaste" that is being abstinent from sexual thought and deed. I am doing this so I can feel the spirit of The Lord and go to the temple again...
    jwill7 jwill7 36-40, M 6 Responses Mar 20

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    Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a...
    Joseph86 Joseph86 26-30, M 1 Response Mar 20

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    Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 20

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    There was a group of men gathered at a church conference on "how to live in a loving relationship with your wife". The men were asked, "How many of you love your wife?" All the men...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 2 Responses Mar 21

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    SOME POSTAL HUMOR A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the...
    Inexperienced3 Inexperienced3 51-55, M 2 Responses Mar 21

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    You know you need a new lawyer when: 1. He tries to sell you Amway products at the first client meeting. 2. When he enters the courtroom, the DA and the judge high-five each...
    TandSMichael TandSMichael 51-55, M 1 Response Mar 21

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    The human nose can smell more than 1 trillion scents according to a new study.
    mona87 mona87 46-50, F 7 Responses Mar 21

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    A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 22

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    A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 2 Responses Mar 23

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    HERE GOES JOHNNY AGAIN The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of...
    steve7000 steve7000 36-40 1 Response Mar 23

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    a young New York actor desperatly wanted to perform in Hamlet so he formed a company and went to a small town to put on the play When he returned to the big city a friend noticed...
    Bobbeenbad Bobbeenbad 61-65, M 1 Response Mar 24

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    PROBLEM DRINKING It's been reported that a new craze in Britain has started where men drink vodka from their girlfriends fannys using a straw. The government fears a rise in...
    WhiteKnight8060 WhiteKnight8060 51-55, M 3 Responses Mar 25

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    A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put po!son on the wife's n!ples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died
    Toohottohandle1 Toohottohandle1 31-35, F 3 Responses Mar 26

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    One morning at a doctor's clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain. The doctor examines him and asks, "Tell me, what happened to your back?" The patient replies...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 3 Responses Mar 27

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    I saw this and thought it was funny. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN: Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful! Between...
    CopperHeart CopperHeart 41-45, F 10 Responses Mar 28

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    Once upon a time, a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in the 25 years they had spent...
    enriqueclasico enriqueclasico 26-30, M 7 Responses Mar 29

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    An Italian girl just got marriage. It was an arranged marriage and she was nervous about the wedding night. They didn’t go on a honeymoon or anything like that, as a matter of...
    dwc294 dwc294 46-50, M 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Front Lawn These two guys are carpooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 4 Responses Mar 31

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    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Mar 31

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    id love to have a friend i can talk to a lot. whos compassionate and caring when i need someone there and will listen. someone to goof off with. who doesnt get offended by my...
    hallowedwillow hallowedwillow 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 1

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    What type of April fools joke should I play on my dad or grandma? I can only call them bc they live far away.
    rach51d rach51d 22-25, F 6 Responses Apr 1

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    Strange Request Sammy went to a carpenter and said, "I need a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long. You think you can make it?" "Well..." mused the...
    jml2000 jml2000 56-60, M 3 Responses Apr 4

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    My cheating husband is out with friends and I'm bored at home. I love to laugh so does anyone have any funny stories or jokes?
    chan50 chan50 31-35, F 18 Responses Apr 4

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    That post I made was just a joke... I wanted to see what people wound say....
    katiek123456789987654321000 katiek123456789987654321000 16-17, F Apr 5