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I Post Here When I'm Drunk

A place to leave drunken ramblings... 102 People

    Ahh! My kind of evening.

    A crisp breeze, a bottle of red, Chopin playing on my speakers, and no work tomorrow..
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 4, 2014

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    When I'm around him, I want to stay sober

    because I want to remember every single moment.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 14

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    Going completely mentally naked here: I seem to

    enjoy flirting with people, making them think I'm sexually available. I seem to do that to older men especially. I don't get why I do this. It's a recent thing. I need thought I was attractive in general but some of these older men literally hang around me with their tongues...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Nov 19, 2014

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    I grew up singing Whitney Houston's "Saving All

    My Love For You". Never thought I'd be living it. :-/
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Apr 26

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    I know that if I wait long enough,

    you'll come back up me. What worries me is how I'll react when you do. If I tear up, you'll see how much power you have to hurt me again. I made mistakes too.. I wore my heart out in the open, you learned things about me you weren't ready for. I should have known better. It's...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2014

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    StarFox11 StarFox11 22-25, M May 1

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    You called. Your lilting,

    happy, optimistic voice, telling me yes, this hurts but I'll be happy again. The worst part was your telling me I'll find contentment again, love again, when it was I who hurt you. YOU'RE telling me I will be okay as I am, knowing full well it was I who hurt you. No wonder I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    A few minutes before I was to leave to meet a

    couple for drinks I got a call that an acquaintance/friend had suddenly passed away. I could have sat home stunned and shocked. Instead I decided to meet the couple and things went well and we went back to their place and had some some of the best naked fun I'd ever had well...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response May 16

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 7 Responses Jan 20

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    Taste me. Drink deeply.

    Revel in my lusciousness.....
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 23

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 7 Responses Nov 10, 2014

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    Trying to rein in feelings is a bit troubling,

    particularly when they're running loose like wild horses being chased by wild beasts.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 27

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    I need my "sweet release".

    Frustrated with the bad sex with hubby. :(
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 6 Responses Jun 13

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 14

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    What the hell happened last night

    and why are my knuckles red??!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 29

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    Don't judge someone, is all I'm saying.

    We're here under assumed names because people have judged us far too harshly without knowing what brought us to this point in time and so we hide in a place like this and struggle to make sense of who we are. Yes, i may be an alcoholic, but you are not flawless either. Either...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Feb 11

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    Tomorrow night will be the true test.

    How far are we willing to go to hide our feelings for each other and if we fail, can we move on?
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses May 18

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    Just crushed to pieces tonight.

    I knew, I KNEW, I shouldn't have opened myself up the way I did. I KNEW I was going to end up getting hurt. I KNEW it all along. The kicker is he'll never know the extent of my feelings, my hurt, my pain. It hurts so much and I despise myself so much.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 5

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    What the **** am I doing?

    ?!! Am I really right back to square one? Am I seriously into someone because he represents the All Knowing or because he might be another version of another person, four years ago, who was the version of truth to me? The personality similarities between the two are alarming. Am...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 1

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    I'm living out my teenage fantasies

    and I don't care what anyone thinks. Acting one's age in certain matters is stupid.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2014

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    Since I can't tell him,

    you guys are gonna have to put up with my sappy mood today, dammit! I miss you! You've made me look at the world differently. You inspire me. You are so kind! Sometimes the words I say to others are actually yours: your positivity, your humor, your unrelentingly giving nature...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Apr 26

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    I totally fuc*ed with my psychiatrist today.

    I told her how the meds are destroying my ability to feel and think and be creative (true) and that I think I might have ADD, not anxiety or depression (true) and that I am desperately in love with a married guy who also loves me but has had disastrous polyamorous relationships...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 11

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 6 Responses Nov 14, 2014

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    There is no scenario

    where any of this turns out happy for any of the people involved.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 11

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    Oceandock19 Oceandock19 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 14

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    Will you ever come back to me?

    I feel it in my bones, the days or moments you're thinking if me, knowing you can't call or write like you used to, and you shouldn't. Your life is good now, you shouldn't have complications because of me, shouldn't have to explain what I mean to you to your new bride. But I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Feb 4

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    Need you so much! I miss feeling your hard body

    against me, your strong arms around me, you pushing into me, deeper and deeper, your mouth swallowing every moan, every scream that escapes my lips...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Jan 8

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    cashetty69 cashetty69 51-55, M May 22

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    The good thing about being me is I have a good

    time no matter where I go, with people or without.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Nov 14, 2014

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    It's so weird to meet people

    and be so desired.... Never knew I could be that girl... It's really nice. :)
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jan 14

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses May 17

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    If more movies were made about sex being simply

    a primal instinct and not an act of love, less women would be strung up about sexual issues, more confident sexually, less hung up on associating sex with love and go easier on their men when they "cheat"!!!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 8 Responses Jan 17

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    There are few things

    as exhilarating as saying the words, "I love you." And few things as crushing as finding out you've deluded yourself.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 5

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    So many things inundating my mind today.

    Someone saw a doodle of mine yesterday and asked why I didn't pursue art. Someone else found an old recording of mine and asked why didn't I take up singing. Another person saw my degree and asked why am I working the menial job I am. What do I say to them? I never want to...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    Feeling really *****y today.

    Think I'll get drunk tonight.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses May 25

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 26

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 29

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    Having a need fulfilled.

    ... His niceness, his thoughtfulness, his command of chivalry and the English language..... And then his strong, taut body atop me... Me reaching those heights over and over as he holds me tight, so tight in his arms, as I buck beneath him... Him moaning my name over and over as...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Darn! What are you drinking people?

    I know it's Monday, are you done dinner? But I'm drinking tea:-)
    Oceandock19 Oceandock19 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 day ago

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    You never realize how strong your

    antidepressants are until you start trying to wean off them.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    Argh. That point in your relationship

    where you wonder if saying "I miss you" sounds needy and suffocating or makes him happy to know you were thinking of him.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Apr 26

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    It's been 16 years. Are we roommates?

    I think we are. It's not that he's a bad person. He's a really good guy. He's my best friend, has been for a while. Except for the parts he doesn't want to know about, or want me to know about. Maybe I should have expected it from when we were engaged and he couldn't bear...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Mar 28

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    His tall frame, his firm body,

    his easy manner... And her dimples, her complexion, her smile.... Both of them twirling, dancing, enjoying the music... People wonder how one can be in love with two people at once need to be in my shoes.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Nov 9, 2014

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    Man.... What a great night.

    I never knew a human sandwich could be so much fun. :-D
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    which is a little bit too often.

    self medication is the only thing that seems to work anymore. I don't know what I am missing anymore when I just want to find my bed to pass out. sad but true. yeah, I got my buzz on. nothing like a little liquid courage to put me to bed at night ;-)
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 36-40, M 6 days ago

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    I do not have a drinking problem.

    I have a Churchillian relationship with alcohol: I can crack jokes and govern England and do anything I want. Except not drink.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    Looking forward to some stress release with a

    young Italian stud who can go all night. Like, seriously. I didn't know a guy could multi ******.