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I Post Here When I'm Drunk

A place to leave drunken ramblings... 102 People

    What am I supposed to do now,

    self medicate myself?
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 17

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    Ahh! My kind of evening.

    A crisp breeze, a bottle of red, Chopin playing on my speakers, and no work tomorrow..
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 4, 2014

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    When I'm around him, I want to stay sober

    because I want to remember every single moment.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 14

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    A few minutes before I was to leave to meet a

    couple for drinks I got a call that an acquaintance/friend had suddenly passed away. I could have sat home stunned and shocked. Instead I decided to meet the couple and things went well and we went back to their place and had some some of the best naked fun I'd ever had well...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response May 16

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    On my worst days, I feel like everyone should

    despise me. On my best, I feel like everyone merely tolerates me. Wtf.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 5

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    I do not have a drinking problem.

    I have a Churchillian relationship with alcohol: I can crack jokes and govern England and do anything I want. Except not drink.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Dec 13, 2014

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    The things guys think women are turned on by

    when they're pretending to be women online... Smh.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 9 Responses Nov 28, 2014

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 6 Responses Nov 14, 2014

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    Looking forward to some stress release with a

    young Italian stud who can go all night. Like, seriously. I didn't know a guy could multi ******.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 18

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    Since I can't tell him,

    you guys are gonna have to put up with my sappy mood today, dammit! I miss you! You've made me look at the world differently. You inspire me. You are so kind! Sometimes the words I say to others are actually yours: your positivity, your humor, your unrelentingly giving nature...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Apr 26

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    Darn! What are you drinking people?

    I know it's Monday, are you done dinner? But I'm drinking tea:-)
    Oceandock19 Oceandock19 41-45, F 4 Responses a week ago

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    I totally fuc*ed with my psychiatrist today.

    I told her how the meds are destroying my ability to feel and think and be creative (true) and that I think I might have ADD, not anxiety or depression (true) and that I am desperately in love with a married guy who also loves me but has had disastrous polyamorous relationships...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Jun 11

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    The crazy thing is everywhere I go,

    everything I do, I am reminded of a moment we shared there. My workplace, where he dropped by under other pretenses, the restaurant where we all first met, the games I play that he developed! The foreign language movies we both love. The conversations we've had where he...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 12

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    Everyone needs an anchor.

    Perhaps that is why some of us are distraught when a promising relationship goes bad: we were expecting/hoping for an anchor but instead find ourselves afloat and wandering again.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 8 Responses Feb 8

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    Oceandock19 Oceandock19 41-45, F 4 Responses Jun 14

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    There is no scenario

    where any of this turns out happy for any of the people involved.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 11

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    The good thing about being me is I have a good

    time no matter where I go, with people or without.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Nov 14, 2014

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    I'm living out my teenage fantasies

    and I don't care what anyone thinks. Acting one's age in certain matters is stupid.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Dec 19, 2014

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 7 Responses Jan 20

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    Someday, I just know it,

    it's all gonna come back and bite me on my juicy ***.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 6 Responses Dec 15, 2014

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Apr 29

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    **** that only happens to me: Go to a funeral,

    get hit on by a drunk cousin. At least he was cute.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Dec 10, 2014

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    There are few things

    as exhilarating as saying the words, "I love you." And few things as crushing as finding out you've deluded yourself.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 5

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    I know that if I wait long enough,

    you'll come back up me. What worries me is how I'll react when you do. If I tear up, you'll see how much power you have to hurt me again. I made mistakes too.. I wore my heart out in the open, you learned things about me you weren't ready for. I should have known better. It's...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Nov 6, 2014

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    Taste me. Drink deeply.

    Revel in my lusciousness.....
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 23

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    which is a little bit too often.

    self medication is the only thing that seems to work anymore. I don't know what I am missing anymore when I just want to find my bed to pass out. sad but true. yeah, I got my buzz on. nothing like a little liquid courage to put me to bed at night ;-)
    Serendipitydoda Serendipitydoda 36-40, M Jun 24

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    It's interesting how one can keep learning new

    emotions. I was watching a movie today about two people who have a very physical affair that could throw their hard-earned jobs into jeopardy should the relationship go sour (which it did). It was interesting to me because before three months ago, I couldn't relate to that sort...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response May 29

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    Having a need fulfilled.

    ... His niceness, his thoughtfulness, his command of chivalry and the English language..... And then his strong, taut body atop me... Me reaching those heights over and over as he holds me tight, so tight in his arms, as I buck beneath him... Him moaning my name over and over as...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    Working too much, drinking too much,

    thinking too much, obsessing too much. I have to get a handle on things.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response May 1

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    Man.... What a great night.

    I never knew a human sandwich could be so much fun. :-D
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 5 Responses Nov 15, 2014

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    Trying to rein in feelings is a bit troubling,

    particularly when they're running loose like wild horses being chased by wild beasts.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 27

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    If more movies were made about sex being simply

    a primal instinct and not an act of love, less women would be strung up about sexual issues, more confident sexually, less hung up on associating sex with love and go easier on their men when they "cheat"!!!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 8 Responses Jan 17

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    It's been 16 years. Are we roommates?

    I think we are. It's not that he's a bad person. He's a really good guy. He's my best friend, has been for a while. Except for the parts he doesn't want to know about, or want me to know about. Maybe I should have expected it from when we were engaged and he couldn't bear...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Mar 28

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    His tall frame, his firm body,

    his easy manner... And her dimples, her complexion, her smile.... Both of them twirling, dancing, enjoying the music... People wonder how one can be in love with two people at once need to be in my shoes.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Nov 9, 2014

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 2 Responses May 17

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    I need my "sweet release".

    Frustrated with the bad sex with hubby. :(
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 6 Responses Jun 13

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Apr 14

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    What the **** am I doing?

    ?!! Am I really right back to square one? Am I seriously into someone because he represents the All Knowing or because he might be another version of another person, four years ago, who was the version of truth to me? The personality similarities between the two are alarming. Am...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses Jun 1

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    You called. Your lilting,

    happy, optimistic voice, telling me yes, this hurts but I'll be happy again. The worst part was your telling me I'll find contentment again, love again, when it was I who hurt you. YOU'RE telling me I will be okay as I am, knowing full well it was I who hurt you. No wonder I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    StarFox11 StarFox11 22-25, M May 1

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    Will you ever come back to me?

    I feel it in my bones, the days or moments you're thinking if me, knowing you can't call or write like you used to, and you shouldn't. Your life is good now, you shouldn't have complications because of me, shouldn't have to explain what I mean to you to your new bride. But I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Feb 4

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    So many things inundating my mind today.

    Someone saw a doodle of mine yesterday and asked why I didn't pursue art. Someone else found an old recording of mine and asked why didn't I take up singing. Another person saw my degree and asked why am I working the menial job I am. What do I say to them? I never want to...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 22

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    Feeling really *****y today.

    Think I'll get drunk tonight.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 3 Responses May 25

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    What the hell happened last night

    and why are my knuckles red??!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 4 Responses Apr 29

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    I grew up singing Whitney Houston's "Saving All

    My Love For You". Never thought I'd be living it. :-/
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F Apr 26

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    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean 41-45, F 7 Responses Nov 10, 2014

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    Don't judge someone, is all I'm saying.

    We're here under assumed names because people have judged us far too harshly without knowing what brought us to this point in time and so we hide in a place like this and struggle to make sense of who we are. Yes, i may be an alcoholic, but you are not flawless either. Either...