I Post Here When I'm Drunk

A place to leave drunken ramblings... 103 People

    You never realize how strong your

    antidepressants are until you start trying to wean off them.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 18, 2015

    A few minutes before I was to leave to meet a

    couple for drinks I got a call that an acquaintance/friend had suddenly passed away. I could have sat home stunned and shocked. Instead I decided to meet the couple and things went well and we went back to their place and had some some of the best naked fun I'd ever had well...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    May 16, 2015

    I totally fuc*ed with my psychiatrist today.

    I told her how the meds are destroying my ability to feel and think and be creative (true) and that I think I might have ADD, not anxiety or depression (true) and that I am desperately in love with a married guy who also loves me but has had disastrous polyamorous relationships...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 11, 2015

    Just crushed to pieces tonight.

    I knew, I KNEW, I shouldn't have opened myself up the way I did. I KNEW I was going to end up getting hurt. I KNEW it all along. The kicker is he'll never know the extent of my feelings, my hurt, my pain. It hurts so much and I despise myself so much.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 5, 2015
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Apr 29, 2015

    What the hell happened last night

    and why are my knuckles red??!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Apr 29, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jul 24, 2015

    Looking forward to some stress release with a

    young Italian stud who can go all night. Like, seriously. I didn't know a guy could multi ******.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Jun 18, 2015

    I do not have a drinking problem.

    I have a Churchillian relationship with alcohol: I can crack jokes and govern England and do anything I want. Except not drink.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Dec 13, 2014

    Tomorrow night will be the true test.

    How far are we willing to go to hide our feelings for each other and if we fail, can we move on?
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response May 18, 2015

    Going completely mentally naked here: I seem to

    enjoy flirting with people, making them think I'm sexually available. I seem to do that to older men especially. I don't get why I do this. It's a recent thing. I need thought I was attractive in general but some of these older men literally hang around me with their tongues...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Nov 19, 2014

    The crazy thing is everywhere I go,

    everything I do, I am reminded of a moment we shared there. My workplace, where he dropped by under other pretenses, the restaurant where we all first met, the games I play that he developed! The foreign language movies we both love. The conversations we've had where he...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 12, 2015

    What the **** am I doing?

    ?!! Am I really right back to square one? Am I seriously into someone because he represents the All Knowing or because he might be another version of another person, four years ago, who was the version of truth to me? The personality similarities between the two are alarming. Am...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Jun 1, 2015
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Nov 14, 2014

    I'm living out my teenage fantasies

    and I don't care what anyone thinks. Acting one's age in certain matters is stupid.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Dec 19, 2014

    So many things inundating my mind today.

    Someone saw a doodle of mine yesterday and asked why I didn't pursue art. Someone else found an old recording of mine and asked why didn't I take up singing. Another person saw my degree and asked why am I working the menial job I am. What do I say to them? I never want to...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jan 22, 2015

    Just sitting here listening to Billboards top

    40, enjoying being with my favorite companion: Me. :)
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Jan 4, 2015

    Will you ever come back to me?

    I feel it in my bones, the days or moments you're thinking if me, knowing you can't call or write like you used to, and you shouldn't. Your life is good now, you shouldn't have complications because of me, shouldn't have to explain what I mean to you to your new bride. But I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Feb 4, 2015

    There are few things

    as exhilarating as saying the words, "I love you." And few things as crushing as finding out you've deluded yourself.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Jun 5, 2015

    When I'm around him, I want to stay sober

    because I want to remember every single moment.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 14, 2015

    Don't judge someone, is all I'm saying.

    We're here under assumed names because people have judged us far too harshly without knowing what brought us to this point in time and so we hide in a place like this and struggle to make sense of who we are. Yes, i may be an alcoholic, but you are not flawless either. Either...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    3 Responses Feb 11, 2015
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    2 Responses Jun 14, 2015

    On my worst days, I feel like everyone should

    despise me. On my best, I feel like everyone merely tolerates me. Wtf.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jun 5, 2015

    Are you drinking? I do!

    It really suck, and did it to myself! What I am thinking :-( Still afraid to tangle! Why is it there's no normal People? Oh well live and learn another chapter if the book and another page.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    6 Responses Jul 27, 2015

    Trying to rein in feelings is a bit troubling,

    particularly when they're running loose like wild horses being chased by wild beasts.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 27, 2015

    What am I supposed to do now,

    self medicate myself?
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jun 17, 2015
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Jan 20, 2015

    The things guys think women are turned on by

    when they're pretending to be women online... Smh.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    8 Responses Nov 28, 2014

    Heard this just now "Apple pie is

    as American as racism." XD
    StraCat StraCat
    31-35, M
    Apr 2

    The good thing about being me is I have a good

    time no matter where I go, with people or without.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Nov 14, 2014
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Nov 10, 2014

    Working too much, drinking too much,

    thinking too much, obsessing too much. I have to get a handle on things.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response May 1, 2015

    There is no scenario

    where any of this turns out happy for any of the people involved.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 11, 2015

    It's been 16 years. Are we roommates?

    I think we are. It's not that he's a bad person. He's a really good guy. He's my best friend, has been for a while. Except for the parts he doesn't want to know about, or want me to know about. Maybe I should have expected it from when we were engaged and he couldn't bear...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Mar 28, 2015

    Taste me. Drink deeply.

    Revel in my lusciousness.....
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Apr 23, 2015

    Everyone needs an anchor.

    Perhaps that is why some of us are distraught when a promising relationship goes bad: we were expecting/hoping for an anchor but instead find ourselves afloat and wandering again.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    7 Responses Feb 8, 2015
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Apr 14, 2015

    I need my "sweet release".

    Frustrated with the bad sex with hubby. :(
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    4 Responses Jun 13, 2015

    If more movies were made about sex being simply

    a primal instinct and not an act of love, less women would be strung up about sexual issues, more confident sexually, less hung up on associating sex with love and go easier on their men when they "cheat"!!!
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Jan 17, 2015
    StraCat StraCat
    31-35, M
    Oct 25, 2015

    Someday, I just know it,

    it's all gonna come back and bite me on my juicy ***.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Dec 15, 2014

    I know that if I wait long enough,

    you'll come back up me. What worries me is how I'll react when you do. If I tear up, you'll see how much power you have to hurt me again. I made mistakes too.. I wore my heart out in the open, you learned things about me you weren't ready for. I should have known better. It's...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response Nov 6, 2014

    His tall frame, his firm body,

    his easy manner... And her dimples, her complexion, her smile.... Both of them twirling, dancing, enjoying the music... People wonder how one can be in love with two people at once need to be in my shoes.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Nov 9, 2014

    **** that only happens to me: Go to a funeral,

    get hit on by a drunk cousin. At least he was cute.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Dec 10, 2014
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response May 17, 2015

    How do people make friends

    after college... I am suicidally lonely.
    StarFox11 StarFox11
    22-25, M
    1 Response Oct 6, 2015
    cashetty69 cashetty69
    51-55, M
    May 22, 2015

    You called. Your lilting,

    happy, optimistic voice, telling me yes, this hurts but I'll be happy again. The worst part was your telling me I'll find contentment again, love again, when it was I who hurt you. YOU'RE telling me I will be okay as I am, knowing full well it was I who hurt you. No wonder I...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    Jun 18, 2015

    Having a need fulfilled.

    ... His niceness, his thoughtfulness, his command of chivalry and the English language..... And then his strong, taut body atop me... Me reaching those heights over and over as he holds me tight, so tight in his arms, as I buck beneath him... Him moaning my name over and over as...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Nov 26, 2014

    Feeling really *****y today.

    Think I'll get drunk tonight.
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    1 Response May 25, 2015

    It's so weird to meet people

    and be so desired.... Never knew I could be that girl... It's really nice. :)
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Jan 14, 2015
    StarFox11 StarFox11
    22-25, M
    May 1, 2015

    Ahh! My kind of evening.

    A crisp breeze, a bottle of red, Chopin playing on my speakers, and no work tomorrow..
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Nov 4, 2014

    It's interesting how one can keep learning new

    emotions. I was watching a movie today about two people who have a very physical affair that could throw their hard-earned jobs into jeopardy should the relationship go sour (which it did). It was interesting to me because before three months ago, I couldn't relate to that sort...
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    May 29, 2015

    Darn! What are you drinking people?

    I know it's Monday, are you done dinner? But I'm drinking tea:-)
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jun 29, 2015

    Man.... What a great night.

    I never knew a human sandwich could be so much fun. :-D
    BlackEyedBean BlackEyedBean
    41-45, F
    5 Responses Nov 15, 2014
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