I Pretend It Doesnt Hurt Me Even Though Its Killing Me

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 2,624 People

    Oh god could it be the weather Oh god

    why am I here If love isn't forever & it's not the weather Hand me my leather Tori Amos
    GoldenDuck GoldenDuck
    41-45, F
    Nov 26, 2015

    I do this all the time.

    its so annoying its like a habit.
    FindWhatMakesYou FindWhatMakesYou
    16-17, M
    2 Responses Aug 19, 2015

    I pretend it doesn't hurt me

    when SHE talks about other girls "older than me"
    dramaqueenz dramaqueenz
    18-21, F
    Jun 27, 2015

    All the time .. Especially

    when it's my family.! They will never get my pain - no one will. Best foot forward, always .. Sir yes Sir, my service will help with this situation.. Made me strong in mind .. When asked "How are you? I heard the problem etc.." Also dead straight eyes firm hand shake grasp...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Mar 17, 2016

    So my friends are beginning to be friends again

    with one of our classmates, Jane. All six of us used to hang out, but then Tisha and Leanette got jealous because Jane and I were very close. Jane's old best friends warned us before not to get too close because she was the type of person who would use people for her own benefit...
    gelashii gelashii
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 8, 2016

    Knowing you hate me rips me to pieces.

    .. You didn't hate me when I was giving you exactly what you wanted but you hate me now because the truth all came out. Wow. Just wow.
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Mar 14, 2016

    Around my friends i acted like usual.

    The truth is my heart feels like it's been torn apart knowing that the one i love is with someone else. And trying to forget her is the hardest thing to do..
    oriondelyx oriondelyx
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Dec 17, 2015

    I think am too patient with pple,

    I always wait around for people to miss me unfortunately they never do,I wonder wat ever wrong I do to them,I start to lose hope in people.My bestfriend still texts me once in awhile,I think she is the only one who still got me at the back of her mind,am grateful for that atleast...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Feb 20, 2016

    Blocking people out, going to the gym,

    trying to eat right. feeling good. I'm having trouble with the saying, "do unto others as you would want them to do unto." I feel like crap when I ignore people that clearly ignore me. why? does anyone else feel that way. me giving them one word answers, taking hrs to...
    ClickCloser ClickCloser
    36-40, F
    1 Response Oct 7, 2015

    I had a fantastic love life with my wife

    since 2009. I mad the mistake to go a second time in Afghanistan one year after. I came back and the old me was gone. Today, I am alone because my wife could not stand the chaos anymore. I have three major diseases and a 10 years old son with me. Life goes on apparently. My...
    TrustworthyEric TrustworthyEric
    46-50, M
    1 Response Jan 27, 2015

    Requiem Haiku

    The flow of blood slows Tide becomes drips, and then stops. A drowned, silent mote
    MynameisTed MynameisTed
    36-40, F
    2 Responses Jun 24, 2012

    you did very bad to me!

    i just have no words to describe :( but till i have to pretend to this world, to the people around that i am okay but when i go to bed and theres no one around, i talk to my loneliness & share every thing with it :( u've destroyed me i feel so broken up.. but dont u forget...
    nunu77777 nunu77777
    22-25, F
    1 Response Jan 20, 2015

    im prentending but thats

    because their judging my personality .. yeah im a cheerful person always made a joke for my friends but why they dont believe me when i tell them the truth ?? im not a liar .. . they just ignore me .. .
    Qken Qken
    13-15, F
    2 Responses Nov 11, 2015

    I got really good in hiding my feelings over

    the past years. People around me say that I am always looking so happy even though I am fighting depression. And when people I like lie to me I always pretend to not know... even though it hurts so much...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Apr 21, 2015

    so last night my husband

    and I had a talk about whether or not to keep trying at this. first time is come up. found out just like me we don't really want kids with the other. that we both have trust issues with the other. many things that ares both negative on each side. nothing got settled and we feel...
    OkamiLeilah OkamiLeilah
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Oct 6, 2015

    All this not talking,

    it being my fault, it just all blaming me... I have been strong and kept it all to myself and no one knows how upset and hurt I really am. I just laugh it off and say I am ok
    WentAway WentAway
    22-25, F
    May 27, 2015

    happy empty birthday ,

    myself. I am sorry that the brain won't let u forget the reality. I wish we would leave this body soon
    Gina1993 Gina1993
    22-25, F
    1 Response Dec 19, 2015

    When I tell people I am hurting,

    they usually dismiss or belittle my feelings, so I learned to keep everything to myself. No matter how bad it gets, I keep it all locked up inside.
    ErraticSarcastic ErraticSarcastic
    31-35, F
    1 Response Oct 6, 2015

    Everything is slowly killing me.

    .. And yet I continue to smile
    Catho Catho
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Dec 15, 2015

    You ever sit and watched

    as everything you've wanted and needed, slowly gets farther and farther away?
    MrCutBleedSmile MrCutBleedSmile
    22-25, M
    1 Response Dec 18, 2014

    I just told my mom everything… how I despise

    her how after all these years of her letting me down and leaving me alone I can no longer trust her… I told her even if you gave birth to me, even if we have the same blood running through our veins you are not my mother, I don't know where my mom went but your not her… I...
    lost1234567 lost1234567
    18-21, F
    Mar 19, 2014

    I feel like I am one step away from death.

    Each day, I get closer and closer. I don't understand why I feel like this. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my son. I know he needs me and I want to be there for him. He is such an amazing little boy. I put on a smile everyday. I wish it was real.
    mdelpers mdelpers
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jul 17, 2015

    I act like the toughest person

    but in reality I'm probably the most sensitive person you'll ever meet. I just don't show it.
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Dec 29, 2015
    skyisthelimit32 skyisthelimit32
    16-17, F
    13 Responses Apr 7, 2015

    I'm trying not to talk to someone

    but it's eating me up inside because I worry about him. Everyone said its best. If he were a friend he would worry too
    Iamarunner Iamarunner
    46-50, F
    1 Response Nov 22, 2015

    10 Years

    Ten years, 120 months, 520 weeks, 3640 days, 87360 hours, 5259490 minutes, 315569260 seconds. That’s how long I’ve loved you. I’ve adored you despite 10090 miles between us because it always seemed like there was not a breath between us to separate. I lost count of the...
    ViciousIllusion ViciousIllusion
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Jun 27, 2011

    Seeing you hanging around with your new friends

    and remembering how it used to be when WE were that close it's so painful but the worse is that you have know idea about my feelings! Oh if only you knew...would it be different now? Even though you've left it doesn't feel like it, you're always near but I wish you were here...
    deleted deleted
    2 Responses Nov 10, 2015
    Suspect00 Suspect00
    16-17, F
    2 Responses Mar 19, 2016

    Some days I want to go to the highest mountains

    and scream so loud that everyone in the valley can hear. Some days I want to cry an ocean and swim in my own regrets. Some days I want to die, but it never seems to happen. Some days I want to be the hero... Even when I'm the one saving myself.
    Heroprincess2207 Heroprincess2207
    16-17, F
    1 Response Apr 11, 2016
    Flowerposter Flowerposter
    16-17, F
    Dec 14, 2015

    I have spent years telling you

    that things aren't working for me. I've told you in detail that our marriage is falling apart countless times. You ignore the problem every time. You just assume im going to allow you to treat me this way forever.
    amadio1 amadio1
    36-40, M
    4 Responses Jan 16, 2015
    Pain24 Pain24
    16-17, F
    1 Response Aug 19, 2015

    I cry myself to sleep knowing

    that I can't be happy in life, knowing that I can't express how I feel, keeping a smile on my face for others to be happy. Seeing every one happy and I'm dying in the inside. Don't know what the true meaning of family, friends, and happiness in life is any more.
    charlottemay charlottemay
    18-21, F
    11 Responses Jul 17, 2015

    So um, some of you will understand this

    and some won't. The ones who grew up or have a background with the jehovahs witness cult will. Um, well, into it then... My mom is dying. She's had brain tumors and a lot of health problems for years but they have always been non cancerous. This time, it's stage 2...
    palmerlarryray palmerlarryray
    41-45, M
    Oct 11, 2015

    I was always fascinated by mummification

    but when I sit here emptied of all emotion as if someone went in me and carved it all out, I can see the irony of it
    baptistwitch baptistwitch
    31-35, F
    Oct 5, 2015

    I may be laughing and smiling all the time.

    But deep inside I'm hurting. I ignore the cause of my pain just because I know it will just suffer me even more from moving on.
    deleted deleted
    Nov 12, 2015

    im really hoping I don't get called in tomorrow

    for work because I am in no shape to work,,,i haven't been eating that much sleeping...its all caught up to me..its what happens when I don't take my medication its been since last sunday I took it..now its turning into Monday...my body is extremely sore my thought process is...
    MyraTomPhil MyraTomPhil
    26-30, F
    Nov 16, 2015

    Yeah I can fake a smile

    and act normal even though inside I'm raging and seeing myself screaming or ripping out the hair out of my scalp. I'll be sad and morose and still try and send you uplifting messages - whatever it takes to make your words sound at least a bit better? Yet I'll still smile and...
    Ic3Queen Ic3Queen
    26-30, F
    5 Responses Nov 10, 2015

    Losing you has shattered me

    but I hide it well don't I with the fake smile upon my face!!
    41-45, F
    Nov 11, 2015

    It's nearly impossible to hold in all of the

    emotions and thoughts that are going through my mind all day while I'm at school. "Can I hold this demon at bay at least until I get home?" "Can I make it through the day without breaking down?" These are frequent thoughts spiraling around inside my head. It seems like every...
    DarkSecret62 DarkSecret62
    18-21, M
    1 Response Feb 24, 2016

    I have to act like I don't care

    for my crush, who is already married, just to protect my heart from breaking. I'm numb to my feelings. People think that making me laugh means that I'm happy but I'm not. I'm just living like I'm waiting to die.
    SwingingLifeAway SwingingLifeAway
    22-25, M
    Dec 16, 2015

    always, seeing someone special in your life

    being close to a stranger hurts..
    michelle2468 michelle2468
    18-21, F
    Mar 9, 2015

    I like to smile and laugh

    even when I'm dying inside, simply so people don't ask questions.
    Heroprincess2207 Heroprincess2207
    16-17, F
    3 Responses Apr 11, 2016

    You hair is gross, your mothers a *****,

    your mother is ugly, your cute when your quite, you should kill yourself, your ugly, your fat, your a freak, annoying, no wants to be around you and no one likes you. I hear at least one of these everyday.
    LoveisBeautiful5013 LoveisBeautiful5013
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Dec 29, 2015

    Seriously! tonight it's horrible!

    I just want to cry.
    CallmeHopelessNotRomantic CallmeHopelessNotRomantic
    36-40, F
    12 Responses Jul 21, 2015

    When someone else is better,

    when their love is more real.. When they replace you, and your forgotten and pushed to the side.. The less important. Well if that's not a kick to the gut, or a knife in the back... I don't know what is
    Catho Catho
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jan 10, 2016

    whenever I get close to someone there's these

    girls who would take them away argg batches
    SleepyHeadSnorelax SleepyHeadSnorelax
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Aug 20, 2015

    http://exp2.xyz It's a new experience project

    site. Sign up if you want to use a site just like this one.
    Daddyofkitten Daddyofkitten
    26-30, M
    1 Response Apr 11, 2016

    The Beginning

    I was never one for chasing boys. I didn't have crushes on celebrities. My bedroom walls weren't covered with half naked popstars but National Geographic posters. Maybe it was down to one or two crappy experiences i'd had years before. Maybe it was because the boys at my school...
    Bleed Bleed
    31-35, F
    7 Responses Nov 13, 2011
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