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I Push People Away Even When I Dont Want to

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 9,467 People

    He pulled the covers over her naked,

    sleeping body. She seemed at peace with herself he thought as he brushed the hair from her face. In the corner a candle flickered, sending dancing shadows around the bedroom. It had been an eventful night, one that he hadn't planned for. Stepping silently into his trousers he...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 24, 2014

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    I've never had a problem convincing myself

    that the people I become close with are better off not having me around. I find I can never just enjoy the moment. I'm always thinking ahead to how a friendship or relationship is going to collapse. I too easily let the argument win out that it's best to cut ties now rather...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 1 Response Oct 7, 2015

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    I've had several opportunities to have lasting

    friendships, maybe even satisfactory relationships. However it always happens. I see something and think it could lead to trouble so the dominoes start rolling, waiting for an event that will never happen. Eventually I push that person away. Every single guy, girl that tries to...
    FriscoWolf FriscoWolf 18-21, M Nov 7, 2015

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    I do push people away

    and I can't help it. When I feel I'm getting to close to a prson, my first reaction is to pushed them away first before they leave me. I don't want to push them away and I try so hard not to but it happens, then when they are gone I miss them. If you're not my family I'll...
    highlyfavored8000 highlyfavored8000 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 22, 2015

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    Double edge sword!!!!

    ! I have prayed and asked for love time and time again. Tonight have I finally had a revelation that I push people away. Guys I really like at the first sign of danger , I sabatoge the relationship to get them out of my life. The truth is Im afraid like a coward and push away...
    h3art4luv h3art4luv 31-35, F 1 Response Jan 11

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    I always think "what if"?

    What if I never pushed that person away? It only takes one person to betray you and you completely change, you learn not to trust and keep your guard up. I always question people and their motives, it honestly scares me when people have pure intentions, it seems too good to be...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 16, 2014

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    I don't know why, defence mechanism maybe.

    ..I can be happy and feel everything but then wake up feeling nothing..maybe I'm just scared, and why wouldn't I be? Honestly sometimes I think I broke my ability to feel in a constant way.
    kuronekko kuronekko 31-35, F 9 Responses Nov 17, 2015

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    I have done this my entire life

    whenever I have gotten depressed. Instead of telling them, I'm depressed I don't feel like talking or coming out..I'd just shut them out completely. I've lost countless good friends because if this, cause when you get in touch a year later they don't want to know. Maybe they...
    YokoOnosVision YokoOnosVision 36-40, M 1 Response Sep 21, 2015

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    I hope later down the road,

    if we meet again, and we're older, and we've done things with our lives, that we just sit down together and have a drink. You were very special to me... And I know you are with people you love and care about and you need them to tell you that.. The words just could not escape my...
    Shoutittotheworld23 Shoutittotheworld23 26-30, M 3 Responses May 26, 2014

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    I Need You

    I want to tell you how I feel. I know that you would understand. I know that you could help me but I just can't seem to get it out.  Rather I watch myself avoid your hugs and tell you I am fine; When actually I feel like I am burning to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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    I push people away. And I try figure out what

    to do about it. I can't really decide who was hurting me. So I began to push people away... It could be my dad who lived far away and only visited me some hours every second Friday. And when I'm asked him to visit me for my soccer games, he didn't come. Or maybe it was my...
    realcomplicated realcomplicated 26-30, M 1 Response Jan 27

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    I feel like a bad person I don't intend to

    be Just have a really bad attitude and I wanna fix it and now I regret making someone feel **** for trying to help me with my problems and I pushed them away I push everyone away I don't like to be alone I dislike it . But I'm used to it I guess it's just better to be alone then...
    Deee23 Deee23 22-25, F 1 Response Nov 19, 2015

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    I don't know why I do it.

    Just every time anyone gets too close I completely shut down. Every time. I can try to put reasons to it but I don't think I'll ever have a definitive answer. There was a boy who I hung out with a lot, we always had a good time together and I told him some personal stuff...
    mountainseal mountainseal 16-17, F 1 Response Oct 16, 2015

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    I always do it. I honestly HATE

    when I push people away because [most of the time] It was never intended. I always push people away without realizing it and before I know it they're already so far away to reconnect again.
    Ominousity Ominousity 18-21, F 3 Responses Oct 6, 2015

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    I'm the type of person who

    when things start going bad, I shut down and shut everyone out while I try to figure everything out by myself. It definitely messes things up a lot of the time but even so I still do it the next time. Ugh!.
    mattywheels25 mattywheels25 31-35, M 2 Responses Nov 7, 2015

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    I do that a lot. I push people away

    before I realize that I don't want that. It sucks.
    BrokenBabygirlx BrokenBabygirlx 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 3, 2015

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    Even when I felt like i needed to talk to them,

    I am just to scared to say what i need to say. My feelings might just be hurt even more just by misunderstood judgement. When ever i have reached out to people to help me through the problems that i had they would only just end up making me feel worse. Now I don't even know who...
    Onlyoneme18 Onlyoneme18 18-21, F 6 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    It's a bad habit, ever

    since I lost someone who meant the world to me. I hated the fact that I hurt, I hated that I couldn't control my emotion so for a while I became numb. still I push people away when they try to get close, I gain a bad attitude and act like nothing bothers and only opinion counts...
    SarahWishfulJane SarahWishfulJane 22-25, F 2 Responses 6 days ago

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    I don't like to...but I do.

    I do to protect them from my sadness and problems. I make sure they are okay and happy...as long as they are, I don't care if I'm breaking inside.
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 26, 2015

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    I'm a survivor, it's what I do.

    Even if I don't want to, if I push someone away it's because I don't trust them. Which means subconsciously I found an angle the person(s) is working and I cut it off before it could affect me. Part of how I cope. I'm used to thinking everyone has an angle anyway so I get a bit...
    Nmetb Nmetb 22-25, M 2 days ago

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    I am always able to reason in my own brain

    that they are better off without me. I can easily convince myself that they deserve better. I rarely leave enough time for it to sink in...for them or myself. Once the mind is made up there is no piercing the armor I cover myself in. A lot of the time it feels like it is my...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 6 Responses Dec 14, 2015

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    Its pretty weird that

    why sometimes despite of having countless close people around us...we feel alone and shut them off and feel uncomfortable around them. While on the other hand feel comfortable having a simple start up conversations with strangers!!! May be because strangers just don't pretend...
    Bareen Bareen 22-25, F 1 Response 2 days ago

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    I think it's just a fear of people leaving me

    without an explanation once I start building a relationship with them and open up a side of me I don't show most. it probably has to do with my mom leaving me with an abusive father when I was very young. she's still in my life but there is no relationship there. I really try...
    deleted deleted 26-30 12 Responses Jan 14

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    And I continue to hate myself

    for pushing them away, because I get super upset over the fact that they don’t try very hard to stay. I’m sorry, please don’t let me push you away.
    ImAlivingParadox ImAlivingParadox 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 22, 2015

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    I let people get close to me,

    but then I start to worry that they will hurt me whether that be intentionally or unintentionally. So I subconsciously push them away, it's not something I like doing but it's how I protect myself.
    FeelingPeachy FeelingPeachy 18-21, F 4 Responses Jan 27

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    it's just the way I am.

    .. every post has a deeper, larger explanation but I can't say. or don't want to say... I just, want to be happier... I just want to be a better person, I want to be happy... and I need a way to fix myself... I hate the way I mess up other people's lives.. I'm somewhat trapped...
    debonaireash debonaireash 18-21, M Dec 4, 2015

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    I push people away because I feel I'm not good

    enough. I push people away because I'm scared to let them know the real me. I push people away because I don't want unnecessary attention or the backbiting or the gossips. I push people away, Even when I don't want to.
    Dictatorse Dictatorse 22-25, M 3 Responses Nov 26, 2014

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    It's only been one day

    since I pushed away my now ex boyfriend, but it feels like an eternity. We met on an amazing two month backpacking trip across Europe and it was as picture perfect as you could imagine. When he started to get too close to me on the trip though I pulled back because I couldn't...
    littlebird99 littlebird99 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 23, 2015

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    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Nov 24, 2014

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    Removed most of my social media.

    Left without telling my best friend. Feels sick but finally I have no one in my life to feel lonely without. Can legitimately feel lonely now. 😐
    ExperiencesAndNotMistakes ExperiencesAndNotMistakes 18-21, F 5 Responses Jan 17

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    I have given up on so many people in last one

    year that I loose track of them. But honestly I never felt their lost!! May be that's why I gave up on them cz they were there yet were not(Hypocrites in the mask if friends)
    Bareen Bareen 22-25, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    How To Turn Six Dollars Into Six Thousand

    Dollars: I found this on a bulletin board and decided to try it. A little while back I was browsing 
through newsgroups just like you are now and came across an article similar to this that 
said you could make thousands of dollars within weeks with only an initial...
    Wtfwhyiseverythingtaken Wtfwhyiseverythingtaken 26-30, F 1 Response Jan 10

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    Especially people who want to be there.

    I've lost a brilliant friend and crush because of this. He sounded horrible, but he was just trying to help. Why did I do it? Now I think he's giving me dirty looks all the time.
    CallumSimpson CallumSimpson 13-15, M 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I told this girl I liked her

    and it back fired so hard like I just feel dumb for even trying I should of kept my mouth closed but I guess it's better now then later but yet again what's the difference I just feel like ****
    UndeservingA UndeservingA 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 8, 2015

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    Goodbye My Light

    Apologies whisper behind my lips. Memories ring inside my head. The pain, the loss, the tears. Dancing with my heart, many do. Light fingertips turn to blades. I let go. So, I've blown out my light. So warm and bright. Lighting my way in the shadows. Crackling peacefully...
    SgtWalrus SgtWalrus 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 13, 2013

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    When someone approach me

    or meets me i always seem to come out very brutally honest, more then i sometimes should. This is actually me pushing people backwards so they don't get to close, i don't like that feeling. Feelings of being to close makes me feel like someone is going to hurt me or i'm going...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses May 29, 2015

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    I'm always getting hurt

    so I can never trust anyone not even my closest friends I keep everything locked up inside I can't trust anyone..
    MyScarsTellAStory2000 MyScarsTellAStory2000 13-15, F 2 Responses May 24, 2014

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    I noticed a repetitive pattern of behavior,

    It doesn't even matter if you're family or not. I push away everyone even my own mom my whole life until now. The exception, it's my brother who's also my soul mate. I still remember when we were kids him standing at my door all night waiting for me to allow him to come in. It...
    YuroLychee YuroLychee 22-25 2 Responses Dec 11, 2015

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    I can't let anyone not

    even my best friends get close to me. I want to so much but old habits are hard to break. I smile everyday and laugh so their happy but I'm so scared from my past I don't want to get anymore. I'm so scared that someone will be that one person to break me. I'm already hanging by...
    deleted deleted 26-30 Dec 12, 2013

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    I often end up on alone,

    because i don't say things out of fear to be a bad influence or say some ultimate truth that is wrong.
    rogermuppet rogermuppet 26-30, M Jan 30

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    The most demoralizing aspect of it is

    when I do this without even being consciously aware that I am doing it. The waters get muddied because I think maybe it could be that they were pushing me away? I suppose I've become so used to being the "pusher" that I selfishly assume that when distance grows between me and...
    RememberTomorrow RememberTomorrow 31-35, M 2 Responses Jan 15

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    The Wall

    I've recently figured that I don't push people away. I pretty much drive them away.  What I'm noticing is that I keep people at arm's length.  Apparently this is something everyone has major issues with.  Which is a whole different novel for a whole different time.  I'm...
    SooperSarah SooperSarah 22-25, F 8 Responses Oct 2, 2013

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    I feel like I isolate myself

    because I end up caring too much. Friendships, relationships, etc. they all end sadly in my case. I contradict myself because I want to have close meaningful relationships but at the same time I don't wanna get hurt. When I feel myself caring too much I kinda retreat into my own...
    FireQueen10 FireQueen10 22-25, F 5 Responses Mar 4, 2014

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    rogermuppet rogermuppet 26-30, M 2 Responses Jan 26

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    like why do I do this.

    I push my family away, friends, enemy's, just everyone. I don't try to it just happens. I don't know why I do this. ugh
    DontKnow2013 DontKnow2013 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 10, 2015

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