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I Push People Away Even When I Dont Want to

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 8,112 People

    If I feel myself getting super close to anyone,

    I'll get distant. I'm sorry if it makes you seems like I don't care about you anymore. I know I'm horrible at keeping relationships. I'm just scared you'll leave if you end up getting to know me really well.
    ambernicolehiness ambernicolehiness 13-15, F 2 Responses Sep 21

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    I always think "what if"?

    What if I never pushed that person away? It only takes one person to betray you and you completely change, you learn not to trust and keep your guard up. I always question people and their motives, it honestly scares me when people have pure intentions, it seems too good to be...
    aurorabutterfly aurorabutterfly 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16

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    I love to argue and get heated

    and fight (verbally only) and my boyfriend hates to do those things more than anything. I always end up making him feel bad if i beg to fight and when he won't because he doesn't like to then i become a spoiled brat and avoid what i wanted to bring up and really beat around the...
    yellowbelly23 yellowbelly23 16-17, F Aug 18

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    Alone

    I think I'm supposed to be alone.
    FallenAngelWOOT FallenAngelWOOT 31-35, F 8 Responses Feb 25, 2013

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    I Need You

    I want to tell you how I feel. I know that you would understand. I know that you could help me but I just can't seem to get it out.  Rather I watch myself avoid your hugs and tell you I am fine; When actually I feel like I am burning to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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    I'm afraid to get close to people,

    and when I feel vulnerable, I go into what I like to call a "self destruct" mode. I burn all the bridges I've ever built because I know I still have control of the flame. It's scary to be able to fully trust someone, and I'm scared of getting hurt. I don't let many people in.
    hornewrecked hornewrecked 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 23

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    swegmoney swegmoney 16-17, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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    I hope later down the road,

    if we meet again, and we're older, and we've done things with our lives, that we just sit down together and have a drink. You were very special to me... And I know you are with people you love and care about and you need them to tell you that.. The words just could not escape my...
    Shoutittotheworld23 Shoutittotheworld23 26-30, M 3 Responses May 26

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    I push people away because I feel I'm not good

    enough. I push people away because I'm scared to let them know the real me. I push people away because I don't want unnecessary attention or the backbiting or the gossips. I push people away, Even when I don't want to.
    Mywandshere Mywandshere 22-25, M 2 Responses Nov 26

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    The girls I'm unattracted to are the ones I run

    from. The pretty girls who seem like myths, are always so unbelievable that I tense up, like, what's the catch? I always think that it's to good too be true, I got hurt so bad by fake people that I jump to conclusions and assume people are fake...
    dksl14 dksl14 18-21, M 3 Responses Dec 1

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    Whenever anyone gets too close to me I find

    ways to push them away. I build a wall around myself to keep them from getting closer and I distance myself from them in an attempt to make them go away. The twisted thing is I want someone to push back. I want someone that will push back and not let me push them away.
    curiousgirl1214 curiousgirl1214 26-30, F 5 Responses Jun 29

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    I feel like I isolate myself

    because I end up caring too much. Friendships, relationships, etc. they all end sadly in my case. I contradict myself because I want to have close meaningful relationships but at the same time I don't wanna get hurt. When I feel myself caring too much I kinda retreat into my own...
    FireQueen10 FireQueen10 22-25, F 6 Responses Mar 4

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    So my bf is in the army

    and it's all new to me. He told me today that he is nervous that I am not copping well with him being gone for a long period of time. He wanted to purpose to me when he graduated from the army but didn't cause he didn't wanna freak me out. I miss him yes but dealing with him...
    hnj320 hnj320 22-25, F Aug 18

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    Even when I felt like i needed to talk to them,

    I am just to scared to say what i need to say. My feelings might just be hurt even more just by misunderstood judgement. When ever i have reached out to people to help me through the problems that i had they would only just end up making me feel worse. Now I don't even know who...
    Onlyoneme18 Onlyoneme18 18-21, F 6 Responses Nov 26

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    I want to be alone most of the time.

    And when Im not wanting to be alone I have trust issues. Everyone I have ever dated I pushed away. I have no idea the underlined cause, but I know there has to be some thing wrong.
    leannabee leannabee 26-30, F 1 Response Oct 29

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    The newspapers call me "The Pusher.

    " I know they'll catch me eventually, but I can't help myself. I can't stop. When I get an urge to push somebody, there's no fighting it. It will happen and nobody is safe. Men, women, children, ethnics... I've pushed them all. I've pushed more people than I can remember. I don't...
    Eristocrat Eristocrat 22-25, M 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Pull.

    I always push. I never have a good reason to push. Things can be going just fine but then I get scared and push. Or the fact that even when things are truly OK, my head won't let me believe it. Thoughts will enter my head, thoughts that will tear myself down and give me some...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Dec 30, 2012

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    Especially you Leslie.

    I try to tell you everything, I really do. And I think I've gotten a little bit better at it since the last time I posted this story but I'm not sure. I like that you push back though. You don't give up. You keep pushing trying to get through the little crack you already made...
    wedgieshurtalot wedgieshurtalot 16-17, F 1 Response Nov 2

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    I Don't Know How To Fix It

     My therapist says it stems from being an ACA and abandonment issues. She's right, when I find that I care about someone, I feel obligated to be whatever that person needs (so long as it doesn't compromise my values). Then I proceed to screw it up. Say something or do...
    ArabellaBlythe ArabellaBlythe 22-25, F 12 Responses Oct 10, 2009

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    The Wall

    I've recently figured that I don't push people away. I pretty much drive them away.  What I'm noticing is that I keep people at arm's length.  Apparently this is something everyone has major issues with.  Which is a whole different novel for a whole different time.  I'm...
    SooperSarah SooperSarah 22-25, F 7 Responses Oct 2, 2013

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    Goodbye My Light

    Apologies whisper behind my lips. Memories ring inside my head. The pain, the loss, the tears. Dancing with my heart, many do. Light fingertips turn to blades. I let go. So, I've blown out my light. So warm and bright. Lighting my way in the shadows. Crackling peacefully...
    LunaKye LunaKye 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 13, 2013

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    I don't like people to get close to me cause I

    don't want to hurt them I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want them to get dragged into my problems.
    Kelnea Kelnea 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 18

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    I push people away because I have no hope

    for myself. I don't believe them when they actually believe in me. I push people away because I don't want they're sympathy but down inside I do, but they're better off without my weight on their shoulders. I push people away because they act like they know what's going on but...
    lportra24 lportra24 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 8

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    I Am My Own Worst Enemy.

    I don't understand why I do this, I don't mean to. I cannot help but push people away. I want to let people in and get close, have a loving group of friends and talk and just I don't know, feel normal. But something always does this, it pushes people I love away as well. It is...
    AreYouMadCool AreYouMadCool 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 13, 2013

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    I don't push them away,

    they choose to be with someone else when i'm in need.
    4everShiNee18 4everShiNee18 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 24

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    ClaireH19 ClaireH19 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 24

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    I push away everyone

    even though I don't mean to. Maybe it's the commitment I'm scared of or I can't give them my trust. Either way it's left me depressed and alone .
    jebony jebony 16-17, F 5 Responses Nov 24

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    He pulled the covers over her naked,

    sleeping body. She seemed at peace with herself he thought as he brushed the hair from her face. In the corner a candle flickered, sending dancing shadows around the bedroom. It had been an eventful night, one that he hadn't planned for. Stepping silently into his trousers he...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jul 24

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    I'm always getting hurt

    so I can never trust anyone not even my closest friends I keep everything locked up inside I can't trust anyone..
    MyScarsTellAStory2000 MyScarsTellAStory2000 13-15, F 3 Responses May 24

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    Yeah...this is what I do.

    ..trying hard to turn this around
    khewster khewster 36-40, F 3 Responses Sep 24

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    I do this because I have a hard time letting

    people in and don't find that I trust people easily. I made the mistake by letting people see who I really am in primary school.
    InfiniteTearDrops InfiniteTearDrops 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 25

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    simplywhite simplywhite 22-25, F 2 Responses 2 days ago

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    I feel like I'll never find anyone I can

    totally trust. Everyone always leaves or betrays me so why should I bother. When I find people I want to get close to they break my heart, so I'm officially done. I'll just learn to use people like they use me.
    FireQueen10 FireQueen10 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 8

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    Anytime I even make new friends I just push

    and push..it's not until someone really stops and pushes back that I try and not push. I know a lot of people but no one knows me
    Janstis Janstis 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    It's happened in every relationship I've ever

    been in. There will be a great guy who I really like, and who has the potential to be an amazing boyfriend. About a month into the relationship, I will shut down. I act as though I want nothing to do with this person anymore. I act very cold and mean towards them involuntarily...
    e11e20 e11e20 22-25, F 1 Response Aug 20

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    kiernanstevens13 kiernanstevens13 13-15, F 3 Responses Nov 25

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    ActuallyGrace ActuallyGrace 13-15, F 1 Response Nov 25

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    I do it without even thinking

    and its ruining our relationship
    madisonlovesyou madisonlovesyou 13-15, F 4 Responses 2 days ago

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    Whenever I have a problem

    and someone try's to talk to me about it I shut down and push them away I don't mean to I'm just scared I feel like no one really cares idk how to fix this problem and I know if I keep doing it I'm going to loose the people I love most
    Youareallbeautiful Youareallbeautiful 18-21, F 4 Responses Nov 29

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    Often when I get upset over something my few

    friends will ask me what's wrong... My usual replies are go away or I just keep on walking. You can tell when I'm about to loose it because my brown eyes seem black. And I'm usually growling. And my fists are clenched. I do this because my friends said I should restrain myself...
    Lilwillbe Lilwillbe 16-17, F Aug 25

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    I'm so rude to my bf

    for no reason except for things inside my head...grr I always ruin good things
    mistypop182 mistypop182 26-30, F Aug 25

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    It's Christmas Eve and I am pushing everyone

    away. I don't want to feel like I don't belong, and don't know what else to do.
    poojibp poojibp 18-21, F 1 Response 3 days ago

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    I Do It Unintentionally

    I don't want to push people away but whenever i am hurt. I just want to disappear, not talk to anyone and be on my own. In the process i cut off all the people from my life. I know that i need time alone to deal with the situation. I've realized that it effects the people...
    lazyangel lazyangel 22-25, M 2 Responses Feb 3, 2012

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    Being without a job and without anything to do

    since June, the isolation tends to make me feel as if I am alone and freaky, since I physically have no place to work that puts me in the presence of coworkers and acquaintances. It would be nice if I had people who were okay with my financial dependency on parents and some...
    WayOfDominique WayOfDominique 36-40, M 4 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    Im not alone when i say,

    " i push people away when i dont want to". The most common response is always because your afraid of getting hurt or that you have trust issues. These responses are accurate, but i dont want to be alone. Its hard to trust and let people in to see the real you without knowing if...
    glittz101 glittz101 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 9

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    I can't let anyone not

    even my best friends get close to me. I want to so much but old habits are hard to break. I smile everyday and laugh so their happy but I'm so scared from my past I don't want to get anymore. I'm so scared that someone will be that one person to break me. I'm already hanging by...
    Frozensilence Frozensilence 16-17, F Dec 12, 2013

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    I just have a hard time trusting people.

    I've been screwed over by people who meant the world to me and because of those past experiences I always will keep my guard up.
    AlexisH94 AlexisH94 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 24

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    The thing is sometimes there are cases

    where you got to push people away for your own good.
    germany100 germany100 16-17, F Aug 18

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    I do this because I'm afraid to get close to

    people, Because I don't want hurt again
    taid2000 taid2000 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 25

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    I tend to push away the good people in my life

    and I complain about having no good people in my life. I let my emotions get the best of me and sometimes I push away people when they try to help me because I'm afraid of getting to close to someone then them leaving or giving up on me like a lot of people in my life have.
    theultimatesashacourtney theultimatesashacourtney 13-15, F 2 days ago

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    I Need You

    I pushed you away to keep you safe from hurting further.I broke your heart to make you hate me otherwise you wouldn't give up and leave.I need you in my life and miss you but I know you will not forgive me.I have lost you forever.
    memoriescargo memoriescargo 70+ 2 Responses Apr 10, 2012

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