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I Push People Away Even When I Dont Want to

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 7,582 People

    I'm afraid to get close to people,

    and when I feel vulnerable, I go into what I like to call a "self destruct" mode. I burn all the bridges I've ever built because I know I still have control of the flame. It's scary to be able to fully trust someone, and I'm scared of getting hurt. I don't let many people in.
    hornewrecked hornewrecked 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 23

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    My defense mechanism

    when I feel myself getting too close to someone, or the other way around. It scares me so I act like a complete a**hole so they'll go away..
    DarkGoddesss DarkGoddesss 16-17, F 3 Responses Jan 1

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    Alone

    I think I'm supposed to be alone.
    FallenAngelWOOT FallenAngelWOOT 31-35, F 8 Responses Feb 25, 2013

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    I can't let anyone not

    even my best friends get close to me. I want to so much but old habits are hard to break. I smile everyday and laugh so their happy but I'm so scared from my past I don't want to get anymore. I'm so scared that someone will be that one person to break me. I'm already hanging by...
    Frozensilence Frozensilence 16-17, F Dec 12, 2013

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    I always think "what if"?

    What if I never pushed that person away? It only takes one person to betray you and you completely change, you learn not to trust and keep your guard up. I always question people and their motives, it honestly scares me when people have pure intentions, it seems too good to be...
    SheAlwaysBelieved SheAlwaysBelieved 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 16

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    Leave them before they leave me.

    People always f*cking leave
    Claire1111 Claire1111 18-21, F 4 Responses Jul 17

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    I Need You

    I pushed you away to keep you safe from hurting further.I broke your heart to make you hate me otherwise you wouldn't give up and leave.I need you in my life and miss you but I know you will not forgive me.I have lost you forever.
    memoriescargo memoriescargo 70+ 2 Responses Apr 10, 2012

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    I feel bad always telling her

    that I can't hang out, and I really have no idea why I keep doing it.
    alittlelame alittlelame 16-17, F 1 Response Jul 21

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    He pulled the covers over her naked,

    sleeping body. She seemed at peace with herself he thought as he brushed the hair from her face. In the corner a candle flickered, sending dancing shadows around the bedroom. It had been an eventful night, one that he hadn't planned for. Stepping silently into his trousers he...
    00afreshstartUK 00afreshstartUK 51-55, M 3 Responses Jul 24

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    I believe that I am poisionious

    as I push away everybody that I care about. I pushed Nico away with what I did to my ex-boyfriend Julian. And today when he tried to reach out to me bc I was upset. I pushed him away again which pissed him off. So to all of my EP friends don't get too close bc I will just hurt...
    ChristiBoo2014 ChristiBoo2014 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 16

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    I don't know why. I just do.

    I don't have many friends. And when people try to get close. I push them away for no reason.
    haileyknight11 haileyknight11 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 17

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    I dont know why I do it ,

    especially if I love the person .. i just do so
    ClassicLady ClassicLady 16-17, F Jul 27

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    I try to push everyone away.

    The ones who remain are the strong ones who survived all of my storms and stuck around to when I became my best after the storm calmed. It takes strong people to want to stay around me. I'm not easy to love at times. But I'm totally worth it.
    Philli8807 Philli8807 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 26

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    I Need You

    I want to tell you how I feel. I know that you would understand. I know that you could help me but I just can't seem to get it out.  Rather I watch myself avoid your hugs and tell you I am fine; When actually I feel like I am burning to...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Sep 1, 2009

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    I love to argue and get heated

    and fight (verbally only) and my boyfriend hates to do those things more than anything. I always end up making him feel bad if i beg to fight and when he won't because he doesn't like to then i become a spoiled brat and avoid what i wanted to bring up and really beat around the...
    yellowbelly23 yellowbelly23 16-17, F Aug 18

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    loovao loovao 13-15, F 9 Responses Jun 23

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    So my bf is in the army

    and it's all new to me. He told me today that he is nervous that I am not copping well with him being gone for a long period of time. He wanted to purpose to me when he graduated from the army but didn't cause he didn't wanna freak me out. I miss him yes but dealing with him...
    hnj320 hnj320 22-25, F Aug 18

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    The Wall

    I've recently figured that I don't push people away. I pretty much drive them away.  What I'm noticing is that I keep people at arm's length.  Apparently this is something everyone has major issues with.  Which is a whole different novel for a whole different time.  I'm...
    SooperSarah SooperSarah 22-25, F 7 Responses Oct 2, 2013

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    I have this really nice friend on Xbox live

    and my internet was being stupid lately. I got it fixed and now I just make it so I appear offline! Why do I go this. Bloody hell
    noah4314 noah4314 31-35, M Jul 25

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    I rather be the one to end things

    than to be the one getting ended so I just stop talking to people from time to time, especially when I date guys I usually get bored and peace out a week after we kiss anybody else do that?
    genesisperez genesisperez 13-15, F 1 Response Jan 17

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    I have this theory that people always leave,

    even if I don't push them away. Therefore, I never bother to get too attached to people. I always keep them at arm's length. I'll befriend someone, all while thinking "this friendship won't last very long." I go into it fully expecting a separation at some point; it's just a...
    MrShortStory MrShortStory 18-21, M 1 Response May 5

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    Often when I get upset over something my few

    friends will ask me what's wrong... My usual replies are go away or I just keep on walking. You can tell when I'm about to loose it because my brown eyes seem black. And I'm usually growling. And my fists are clenched. I do this because my friends said I should restrain myself...
    Lilwillbe Lilwillbe 13-15, F 4 days ago

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    I don't like people to get close to me cause I

    don't want to hurt them I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want them to get dragged into my problems.
    Kelnea Kelnea 13-15, F Aug 18

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    I do this alot because I value my independence

    and freedom. I also have trust issues which makes it difficult to get close to me, I wear my heart on my sleeve though... I am aware I need to protect my feelings but still I act like an open book... When I feel vulnerable I try to create distance...people who know me know I am...
    LilRedd10 LilRedd10 36-40, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2013

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    I don't do it intentionally.

    Sometimes if I'm in a rut, I keep to myself and leave others alone. Its a fault I have, but no one's perfect. I rather dwell and deal with my own issues then bother anyone with venting. I guess it feels better that way. My train of thought has always been "Nobody likes a negatve...
    BobFrost BobFrost 36-40, M 2 Responses Apr 21

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    I Am My Own Worst Enemy.

    I don't understand why I do this, I don't mean to. I cannot help but push people away. I want to let people in and get close, have a loving group of friends and talk and just I don't know, feel normal. But something always does this, it pushes people I love away as well. It is...
    AreYouMadCool AreYouMadCool 18-21, F 5 Responses Aug 13, 2013

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    The thing is sometimes there are cases

    where you got to push people away for your own good.
    germany100 germany100 18-21, F Aug 18

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    I'm really bad with feelings.

    My parents raised me to put their feelings first, and honestly to survive I had to convince myself I wasn't angry at them or they didn't hurt me. And now I've had to start seeing a psychologist and I'm so vulnerable and disgusted by feelings that she had to ask me if I was ever...
    kxCobra kxCobra 18-21, F 2 Responses Jul 17

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    Whenever anyone gets too close to me I find

    ways to push them away. I build a wall around myself to keep them from getting closer and I distance myself from them in an attempt to make them go away. The twisted thing is I want someone to push back. I want someone that will push back and not let me push them away.
    curiousgirl1214 curiousgirl1214 26-30, F 5 Responses Jun 29

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    I hope later down the road,

    if we meet again, and we're older, and we've done things with our lives, that we just sit down together and have a drink. You were very special to me... And I know you are with people you love and care about and you need them to tell you that.. The words just could not escape my...
    Shoutittotheworld23 Shoutittotheworld23 26-30, M 3 Responses May 26

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    I feel like I isolate myself

    because I end up caring too much. Friendships, relationships, etc. they all end sadly in my case. I contradict myself because I want to have close meaningful relationships but at the same time I don't wanna get hurt. When I feel myself caring too much I kinda retreat into my own...
    FireQueen10 FireQueen10 18-21, F 6 Responses Mar 4

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    I'm just scared to be left alone by someone

    so I take care of this myself.
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 27

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    I do it all the time

    and I regret it after, people say I'm a real nice girl but I push them away when people get too close, I've been broken and let down by my father and friends and boyfriends in the past, no point starting to let people in when whenever I do, I get walked over I don't know I I...
    Cloclo1234 Cloclo1234 13-15, F Jul 17

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    It's just, it's easier to keep to myself then

    trust someone and them betraying me.
    gumdropss gumdropss 13-15, F Jul 19

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    I push people away because people will end up

    screwing you over, and I just don't want to get hurt anymore.
    Lanigga14 Lanigga14 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 17

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    I Do It Unintentionally

    I don't want to push people away but whenever i am hurt. I just want to disappear, not talk to anyone and be on my own. In the process i cut off all the people from my life. I know that i need time alone to deal with the situation. I've realized that it effects the people...
    lazyangel lazyangel 22-25, M 2 Responses Feb 3, 2012

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    I think I'm a burden

    and a pest so if they stop contacting me I assumed I'm just that and cut contacting them. Or sometimes I think it's best I leave because really they hate my company.
    GrumpyMe GrumpyMe 22-25, F 2 Responses Jul 17

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    It's happened in every relationship I've ever

    been in. There will be a great guy who I really like, and who has the potential to be an amazing boyfriend. About a month into the relationship, I will shut down. I act as though I want nothing to do with this person anymore. I act very cold and mean towards them involuntarily...
    e11e20 e11e20 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 20

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    Being without a job and without anything to do

    since June, the isolation tends to make me feel as if I am alone and freaky, since I physically have no place to work that puts me in the presence of coworkers and acquaintances. It would be nice if I had people who were okay with my financial dependency on parents and some...
    WayOfDominique WayOfDominique 36-40, M 4 Responses Dec 14, 2013

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    Anytime I even make new friends I just push

    and push..it's not until someone really stops and pushes back that I try and not push. I know a lot of people but no one knows me
    Janstis Janstis 22-25, F 3 Responses Mar 9

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    I'm making a lot of progress!

    We haven't been hanging a lot because he works full time and should be spending loads more time with his family since he's going to college in just a few weeks and he should be hanging with his friends too because they are all moving away to colleges soon. But i miss him a bunch...
    yellowbelly23 yellowbelly23 16-17, F Aug 10

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    Ambivalent Relationships I'm embarrassed to

    even admit this but here it goes... I don't even understand why I do this to others and myself. My conscious actions contradict my feelings then I get upset about it; it's rather ****** up. I believe it may stem from a mild case of bi-polar disorder. It usually onsets when...
    Shibbyman23 Shibbyman23 22-25, M 5 Responses Apr 14

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    I have been hurt by the people closest to me in

    the past, which makes it very hard for me to trust. I haven't let anyone get close to me in years. Probably why I'm here!
    Li1981 Li1981 31-35, F 3 Responses Jul 10

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    Pull.

    I always push. I never have a good reason to push. Things can be going just fine but then I get scared and push. Or the fact that even when things are truly OK, my head won't let me believe it. Thoughts will enter my head, thoughts that will tear myself down and give me some...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Dec 30, 2012

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    swegmoney swegmoney 13-15, F 2 Responses Jun 14

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    I wish I had a genuine friend.

    It's been such a long time since I've felt a true connection with someone. Makes me feel isolated...
    Planetoi Planetoi 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 15

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    I'm always getting hurt

    so I can never trust anyone not even my closest friends I keep everything locked up inside I can't trust anyone..
    MyScarsTellAStory2000 MyScarsTellAStory2000 13-15, F 3 Responses May 24

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    I'm so rude to my bf

    for no reason except for things inside my head...grr I always ruin good things
    mistypop182 mistypop182 26-30, F 4 days ago

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    I Don't Know How To Fix It

     My therapist says it stems from being an ACA and abandonment issues. She's right, when I find that I care about someone, I feel obligated to be whatever that person needs (so long as it doesn't compromise my values). Then I proceed to screw it up. Say something or do...
    ArabellaBlythe ArabellaBlythe 22-25, F 11 Responses Oct 10, 2009

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    Goodbye My Light

    Apologies whisper behind my lips. Memories ring inside my head. The pain, the loss, the tears. Dancing with my heart, many do. Light fingertips turn to blades. I let go. So, I've blown out my light. So warm and bright. Lighting my way in the shadows. Crackling peacefully...
    LunaKye LunaKye 22-25, F 4 Responses Sep 13, 2013

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    I push people away because I have no hope

    for myself. I don't believe them when they actually believe in me. I push people away because I don't want they're sympathy but down inside I do, but they're better off without my weight on their shoulders. I push people away because they act like they know what's going on but...
    lportra24 lportra24 13-15, F 1 Response Aug 8

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    kitty465 kitty465 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 17

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    JoeGriffin67 JoeGriffin67 13-15, M 2 Responses Jul 21

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