I Relapsed

A group for those who have gone back to addictive behaviors that we thought we had left behind 172 People

    Should I Feel Bad!?

    Long story short, I first tried crystal Meth with my two older brothers and my sister-in-law. That was about 5 years ago. We used to tweak every day. Thought we had it all under control but eventually things got ugly in a blink of an eye. So my oldest brother and his girl moved...
    M060110M M060110M
    18-21, F
    Aug 15, 2012

    I didn't mean to, few months clean

    and now I'm back in business. **** you self harm
    deleted deleted
    Apr 25, 2015

    Oh god it's been ages

    since I've done anything and I've been so proud of myself I even somehow stopped myself when things got really bad, but now something that really shouldn't affect me much just pushed me over the edge and now I feel so emotionless and I can't find a reason to hold on.
    Darkerthanlightash Darkerthanlightash
    18-21, F
    Feb 20, 2015

    I stopped January 13th.

    . And about a week ago I started taking codeine again. I've been taking my dose every 2-3 days since.. I'm getting high right now. My partner doesn't know that I'm using again but now he's coming home early and I don't think I can hide my high from him. I'm afraid how he'll react...
    JacobtheJunkie JacobtheJunkie
    22-25, M
    1 Response Feb 1, 2016

    I relapsed tonight. I haven't went all out with

    it like I did tonight in so long. It must have been an hour I was cutting. I was just so angry once I started, and didn't want to stop because of how deserving I thought it was. The scary part about it is how much relief I feel. Relief is so hard to find and cutting always seems...
    mentallytortured mentallytortured
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 17, 2014

    It's pretty bad when you eat some bananas

    before going to the doctors but still purge.
    tryingtohelp21 tryingtohelp21
    22-25, F
    Aug 14, 2015

    I don't feel like I'm worth it to fight

    for my recovery. I don't have the energy to go through with it. I do have the energy to wake up early in the mornings and work out for 2/3 hours though.
    tryingtohelp21 tryingtohelp21
    22-25, F
    Sep 18, 2015

    Three weeks down the drain

    because im absolutely pathetic.
    noseatbeltsong noseatbeltsong
    1 Response Mar 16, 2015

    I relapsed again Saturday night,

    I was thinking about doing it for so long. I craved it, and it just kind of happened. I feel much better now after I did it, hopefully I'll make it longer next time. Summer is coming and I don't need more scars/cuts on my legs!
    trippyprincess trippyprincess
    18-21, F
    Mar 17, 2014

    I broke a razor to get the blades out of it.

    This was my first time using a razor blade. I guess I'm cutting again.
    aelizabeth3300 aelizabeth3300
    16-17, F
    Jul 6, 2015

    I spent my day in a complete haze

    and stupor. I was half awake and half asleep all day... Apparently my mum called and I answered the phone but I have absolutely no memory of it. I took two Seroquil tablets instead of 1/4. I fell asleep a few times and woke up scared, sweating and alone; not in bed but on the...
    deleted deleted
    Dec 16, 2014

    Orrale Pues

    I fuck1n relapsed god dang it life is a ***** was set up to fail since birth ..plus god is toying with my emotions ....its like COME ON f uCK ............IT LIKE A ROLLER COASTER AND IM NOT BIPOLAR
    AngelTrey AngelTrey
    22-25, M
    1 Response Nov 19, 2012
    BeatTheBest BeatTheBest
    18-21, M
    Mar 14, 2015

    That horrible moment

    when you're thinking about suicide for the first time in a while and you realize you have nobody to talk to about it. You have no right to talk to the people you used to because you pushed them all away. Everyone that used to talk you down are no longer available and you're...
    aelizabeth3300 aelizabeth3300
    16-17, F
    Aug 2, 2015

    I am a chronic relapser.

    I have relapsed so many times I've lost count. The worst part is that once you have a foundation of recovery and you've been through the same horrible experience of getting fvcked up for a while, really enjoying it at first, then doing it a bit more often than you know you...
    EmperorJulian EmperorJulian
    46-50, M
    3 Responses Nov 10, 2014

    To everyone that just read the title

    and felt a huge wave of disappointment, I'm sorry. I truly am. I've met some amazing and supportive people on here that know some of my struggles. I would never want to disappoint anyone of you. I know relapsing is a choice. But what most people don't know is how out of my...
    sadvibes sadvibes
    22-25, F
    4 Responses Oct 13, 2014

    No. Dammit no. **** me,

    I hate myself now with a crystal clear fury. The pleasures of weed, pills, and emotionless sex have caught me again... After so long apart, the demons found me again. Or perhaps it would suffice to say that I found them. You see, I knew exactly where these demons awaited, and...
    immortalspirit immortalspirit
    36-40, M
    4 Responses May 1, 2015

    Months of not cutting,

    months of being clean, months of being unhappy. I finally cut again, it felt like everything it was supposed to be. The thoughts replay in my mind, over and over and over again. I can't take them anymore. Cutting is the only way to relieve the thoughts.
    muffinsfrommountains muffinsfrommountains
    18-21, M
    1 Response Apr 14, 2016

    I haven't cut since before Christmas,

    I go on these long brakes without it and I think I have it all under control but everything just comes back harder. I tried to resist, but I broke apart a disposable razor and relapsed. I did it right before my boyfriend got home and even when he walked in they didn't stop...
    FarrahRelates FarrahRelates
    22-25, F
    Jan 31, 2014

    I quit drugs for 8 months.

    and i started again.
    2Bthin100 2Bthin100
    22-25, F
    Nov 24, 2014

    The last time I cut was maybe almost a year ago.

    Idek. But I was just so mad at myself and needed to be punished.
    wetepentz wetepentz
    16-17, F
    1 Response Feb 3, 2016

    hey.. so this'll probably be long,

    but I have to say something, I've been thinking about it a lot and I just need to vent. Sorry about my ****** grammar. So i have this one friend in real life, literally. I'm socially anxious, I can't go out of the house and I've pushed everyone else away. I haven't gone to...
    NaomilyShipper NaomilyShipper
    16-17, F
    1 Response Dec 9, 2015

    Oh **** that'd take forever.

    I relapsed in May, went back to jail in July, got out in August in the drug court program, ran, got rearrested in beginning of September, got released on halloween. Been out and have been using on and off. Haven't gotten bad, and idk if I'll stop. Tbh at the moment it doesn't...
    proffllama proffllama
    22-25, M
    Nov 10, 2014

    I was 45 days clean. I was triggered

    for weeks and it got to a point where I couldn't handle anything anymore. Now I'm back to 0 days clean.
    deleted deleted
    Mar 11, 2015

    5 months. I was so proud.

    :( Today wasn't even an especially bad day I just couldn't stop myself. I had a feeling I was going to cut again I got the blades days before I did it. I feel like such a failure... I have PE on Thursday it's gonna be so hard to hide them :(
    unfaiir unfaiir
    18-21, F
    May 6, 2014

    And just like that, one

    and a half months of progress was obliterated. And I broke more promises than I can count in a matter of 10 minutes.
    w1llkommen w1llkommen
    16-17, M
    Jun 18, 2014

    oops... not my fault.

    . I just want I be pretty...
    shannacobb2000 shannacobb2000
    18-21, F
    Jul 13, 2014

    so yeah.... i relapsed😭 i cut again.

    i need help... HELP ME😭🔫
    shannacobb2000 shannacobb2000
    18-21, F
    May 29, 2014

    Well the other day I relapsed

    for the first time in a month. I was doing so well. It was so bad. I feel like im going down hill again. I have so much going on I can't seem to cope with. Everything in my life is messing up. I don't know how much longer I can fight this. I feel like giving up with life.
    WhatsThePointInLifeAnymore WhatsThePointInLifeAnymore
    18-21, M
    Jun 8, 2014
    courrtttxx courrtttxx
    16-17, F
    Feb 23, 2015

    Today I had a relapse,

    I called my therapist I said-I'm sorry,I'm sorryPlease forgive me-But truly I just wanted to forgive myself.I'm sorry,I'm sorry I'm treating this way.I'm trying to love you I promise.Everything is going to be okay
    Francoise25 Francoise25
    18-21, F
    Dec 18, 2015

    3 and a half weeks clean i couldn't make it to

    four but this is what happens when you dont want to live anymore. relapsed today. bad but not bad enough to take away the urges. i want to do it again but im scared of getting caught...
    sademptynothing sademptynothing
    18-21, F
    Jul 9, 2014

    On March 7th, 2015 I got my year back off Meth.

    but I've been drinking here and there. I don't get drunk like I used. I socially drink. Is this considered not being sober!? What do you guys think!?
    M060110M M060110M
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Apr 27, 2015

    You knew I’d fall in love with you the from

    the very first day when you eliminated my sadness and numbed all my pain. You gave me the confidence that before you I lacked but deprived me of things that I'll never get back. The whole time I believed you were harmless and fun; I was blinded of the damage you truly had done...
    addictionbarbie addictionbarbie
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 13, 2014

    ive been doing okay but ive completely relapsed.

    i havent self harmed in a while now, probably a month and everything just got all bottled up inside me and i just cant deal with anything anymore i really just want to jump in front of a train or traffic lately life has been really difficult i feel like im going crazy
    mariie97 mariie97
    18-21, F
    Jan 29, 2014

    I thought I was in the clear: ten months

    without using prescription pain pills and eight months without drinking. I didn't think I would revert back to my old ways, but I did. I'm now back to square one, and I don't know if I can stay clean anymore.
    Westw30 Westw30
    22-25, M
    Oct 24, 2014
    jane1hejackass jane1hejackass
    22-25, T
    Dec 13, 2015

    Yesterday at 10:30 pm,

    I started cutting again. God, it feels and felt so good. All the pent up anger, stress, pain, and sadness just came out. And I feel safer - more secure. The last time I cut was four years ago. I haven't done it in a while and it wasn't planned to start up again - but damn it, I...
    ImagineA ImagineA
    1 Response Jan 31, 2015

    Better Now

     Coming up to six months clean, feel great, went to treatment and it was a great help, feel confident in my recovery and myself.  My spirit is growing strong and my faith is powerful, have lots of hope today,   :D
    LanBobway LanBobway
    1 Response Aug 10, 2008

    Held the cutting urge

    for a good while before a person I hate walked into my family's life again, just when I was happy we were finally rid of him. Recently relapsed and don't feel like I'll hold it the urges for more that a few hours at a time now.
    ExoticSnow ExoticSnow
    22-25, F
    1 Response Aug 23, 2014

    A couple weeks ago I had a relapse in cutting.

    I don't know why, I mean life was't too bad. I just spent $200 on a shock collar for my dog, and he chewed up the remote... and I was devastated because my father said he'd watch the dog and he didn't, he left him alone so he could work on his car. I cut that night and had to...
    MissAutumn MissAutumn
    22-25, F
    Apr 10, 2015

    Today, i realized that

    after almost 2 years clean from my eating disorders, i relapsed. I lost 10lbs in 2-3 weeks... I feel like my depression is taking control of me again and i almost cut again a few days ago after a year clean... I don't know what's going on, and that scares me..
    jardougall jardougall
    18-21, F
    Apr 20, 2015


    I've been battling these feelings off and on for eight years now. Sometimes it's months in between them, but the longer in between, the worse it feels when it returns. This weekend my ex came to visit, and it affected me so much more than I ever thought it would, I ended up...
    PaigePerry PaigePerry
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 19, 2013
    NemoNoMore NemoNoMore
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Apr 26, 2014

    Shouldn't of but I did.

    .. Goodnight world...
    BuryMeAlive BuryMeAlive
    22-25, F
    1 Response Feb 9, 2016

    I thought i had my depression under control

    and havent harmed myself in months but tonight I relapsed and hurt myself again.. seeing as my psychiatric nurse and doctor has given up on my why should i not give up on myself
    klxo klxo
    22-25, F
    Nov 15, 2014

    If I'm honst I've relapsed.

    I'm sick of people. I'm sick of the world. I'm sick of lies and people with thier own agenda. I can't see the ******* point. It's like a sickness, and it's like I'm the only one who isn't sick. I don't ******* know. I haven't got friends, or a girlfriend. Nothing. Just...
    LucemSpiritus LucemSpiritus
    18-21, M
    Aug 8, 2015
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